THA S02 EP#27 - The Habit of Resilience: Build It Before You Need It

Resilience does not usually get built when life is easy. It gets built in the moments that force us to slow down, rethink what matters, and decide whether we are going to stay stuck in what happened or grow into what comes next.

In this episode of The Habit Architect, host Michael Cupps talks with Stacey Copas, founder of the Academy of Resilience and author of How to Be Resilient, about what resilience really means and why so many people misunderstand it. Stacey explains that resilience is not just about coping, surviving, or “bouncing back.” For her, resilience is the opportunity to grow through a challenge, not simply get through it. She also makes the case that resilience is mostly proactive built through the habits, mindset, and capacity we create before life forces us to use it. 

Stacey shares how that perspective was shaped by her own life-changing injury at age eleven, when a devastating accident completely altered the path she thought her life would take. What followed was not a quick comeback story, but a long process of reframing pain, rebuilding identity, and eventually discovering a calling in helping others navigate adversity with more honesty and intention. That experience now shapes the work she does with founders, leaders, and business owners who are often carrying pressure in silence, trying to keep moving while feeling overwhelmed, isolated, or close to breaking point. 

Michael and Stacey also explore how resilience applies inside organizations, especially during uncertainty, change, and disruption. They talk about why resilience cannot be reduced to a one-time workshop or a wellness perk, why leaders need to communicate reality without feeding panic, and how the best response to uncertainty is often to focus on what is still within your control. Later in the episode, Stacey shares her perspective on AI, job uncertainty, and the importance of helping people shift from fear to curiosity asking not only what might be lost, but what new possibilities might be opening up. 

This episode is for founders carrying more pressure than they admit, leaders trying to guide teams through uncertain seasons, and anyone who wants a more grounded understanding of resilience than the usual slogans. It is a thoughtful conversation about adversity, leadership, perspective, and the habits that help people build strength before life demands it.

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Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Abbot Architect. My name's Michael Cups and I'm glad you're with us again today. Be sure to like, or follow and share our podcast with anybody you think that might enjoy it. We, of course, appreciate those subscription, not the subscriptions, but the, just the following because it just adds to our capabilities here. Michael Cupps: 0:23

Today we're gonna talk a lot about. The same topic that we do every week with habits, but in a little longer form view today. And, we all start something along the way where we wanna start a habit or we want to, we don't stop a bad habit. And. We may try multiple times, and we may have failures multiple times, but then there's something that clicks. Michael Cupps: Sometimes that thing is a very big thing and sometimes it's a very small thing, and we've all experienced them, but sometimes in life there's really big things that do alter the way we. Have to approach our days and weeks and months ahead. And those could be forced job changes. It could be forced moving circumstances or taking care of your parents or something. Michael Cupps: There's always something that can alter your life and it's really how you react to those things that we're gonna talk

about today with our guest. Stacy Kopa. She is a fantastic individual. She did have one of those life events that changed the course of who she is and what she's become maybe is what? Michael Cupps: What I should say. And she's got an academy, she's got a book, and we're gonna talk about all that. But the real, at the heart of it all today is the topic of resilience, resiliency. And you probably have heard it so much, especially during COVID, gosh, it was thrown at our every time we saw an advertisement, it was talking about resiliency. Michael Cupps: 1:23

And maybe we didn't know what it meant in that concept. So we're gonna cover that today. So we're gonna bring Stacy on, on board here. Again, don't forget to download the Time Bandit app or go get the book on Amazon if you're interested in what we talk about in Time Band. As Stacy joins here, there she is all the way from Australia. Michael Cupps: Good morning to you Stacey: and good afternoon to you, Michael. It's so good to see you. Michael Cupps: Yes. How are you? Stacey: I'm fabulous. I'm really excited for our conversation today. Michael Cupps: Me too. Why don't we start by you giving a better introduction of yourself than I just did. I think I covered the high points, but maybe a more detailed introduction from him.

Stacey: Yeah, so Stacy Kopa in Sydney, Australia, and I am the founder of the Academy of Resilience, author of How to Be Resilient. And I've come to resilience, as you touched on from major life changes. So I'm not an academic or an organizational psychologist, and for a long time I felt that meant that I wasn't qualified to speak about resilience. Stacey: 2:23

And it wasn't until I was in a room full of CEOs and I said That exact piece, look, I'm not an academic. I'm not this. And they said. Thank goodness for that because we want things that are real. We want real people, real stories and real practical things that we can actually do, rather than needing a whole series of courses to unpack it and figure out what it actually means. Stacey: So that's what brings here to you today. Michael Cupps: Excellent. I'm looking forward to the conversation, but you said something there, and I'm first, I'm, I'll ask you my question next, but you said a room full of CEOs. Is that your,

is that the people you tend to work with in your academy? Stacey: Oh, it varies, but mostly it's people who were in leadership. Stacey: 3:23

So for that room, that was I guess it's Vistage Vistage. And so it was a room full of their chairs that I was picking to do some stuff there. And yeah, and they really resonated with that. But these days I'm working the majority of the people I'm working with are, like founders and business owners, so they're all in that leadership capacity, but they've got some, some different aspects. I think when it's your own baby there are additional pressures than if you are, the CEO. There's similarities, but there're also differences there too. Michael Cupps: Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Let's start with the definition. What resiliency, when we were going through COVID and the lockdowns or whatever your perspective was, that word was just. Thrown out in just about every sentence it felt like. And but what did, what would you define resiliency as? Stacey: Yeah I agree. I think that it got almost bastardized for a while there. And I'd been speaking about it.

I first started speaking about resilience in, 2011. So it's not something that I was one of, 'cause a lot of people jumped on the resilience bandwagon definitely in 20 20, 20 21. Stacey: 4:23

And so for me, I felt that. And over time, more and more resilient seems to become more synonymous with coping. So it's just how do you cope? How do you survive? And for me, I think that's the absolute minimum. And I think it sells it really short. And also you hear a lot of people talking about, oh, how do you bounce back? Stacey: And to me also, I don't particularly like that because it just keeps implying that you just keep coming back to where you were. Whereas I say resilience is an opportunity. To grow through a challenge rather than just go through it. It's how you, again, you grow, you learn, you build capacity. But the, probably the other difference in how I see it is, again, most people see resilience as reactive. Stacey: It's what do you do when something goes wrong? I see

resilience as being 75% proactive. Things that we build a capacity for ahead of needing it. And probably 20, 25% ish is what do we do in those times when we do need to respond? But that's been how I see it. And now there's even like a little bit more of an evolution of that because I realized that I was one of these people that. Stacey: 5:23

I was pushing a little bit. I realized, and I didn't stop to feel things in the time, and it's next, next. Let's just keep marching forward. Yes. And over the last couple years I've realized now that it's so much more about actually just being in the moment, being present, looking at what's in front of us, honestly, and then deciding what we do next from that. Michael Cupps: Yeah. Yeah. That, and I could vouch for that. Let's, what do I do next? What do I do next? When you're in a situation that you're trying to get out of or just go through. So with that in mind, with that backdrop that you just mentioned there are,

when you, when somebody comes and seeks your help with resiliency, do you find you said 75% or prepare and 25% was because they're in something? Michael Cupps: That's, you were talking about resiliency in that regard. But are the people coming to you? Are they in something that they need to work themselves out of, or are they coming proactively and saying, I need to build resilience? Stacey: I think most people seek things out when there's a problem. Michael Cupps: Yeah, exactly. Stacey: 6:23

That, that's human nature because we have limited capacity to take things on unless, and unless it's something that is really aligned with a goal or something that we're intentionally working towards, then a lot of people don't value it as a skill until. They've needed it. And to me it's like that old adage about, needing to dig you well before you're thirsty and, resilience is much like that. Stacey: And then, so the majority of the times, if it's a, from a, say a corporate perspective, the majority of the. The people that get me in have

been that they're going through some kind of change, and so helping people to how they actually respond and, grow through that change rather than, a lot of times people think that change is being done to them and they take it very personally. Stacey: Being able to then help to reframe that is from a corporate perspective. I did a bit of stuff with, sales, so dealing with rejection and setbacks. But then the founders that I'm working with, a lot of them come to me because they're overwhelmed and so they, they're overwhelmed, they're stressed. Stacey: 7:23

Sometimes it can be starting to impact their, either their health or their relationships, whether it's with their kids, whether they're with partner. So that seems to be the people that come to me come to me via those. Channels, or sometimes that may be that they've been on a workshop with me and they've gone, oh my gosh, I want more Stacy in my life. Stacey: And so there's a, there was a few little pieces there, but the majority, as all of us, we seek out the bandaid rather than the prevention most of the time. Michael Cupps: Yeah. I think it's just natural.

It, there's that, there's those, sometimes this feeling of that's not gonna happen to me. Michael Cupps: So they just keep going and then all of a sudden it happens to them. And especially when you think about what you just described there, feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. It. There's a mentality sometimes that we think, oh, it's, that's not me. I'm fine. I got everything. Michael Cupps: I've got everything in a row that I need in a row. But over, over time, it just becomes overwhelming, I think and it just it can happen to you, right? Or it will happen to you. Maybe it's the way you say it. Stacey: 8:23

Oh, definitely. And that's why I've, I'm really looking at it now and the frame that I'm looking at with founders is I want to help them build that capacity before it breaks. Michael Cupps: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's just helping them identify that they should prepare, I guess is the challenge. Yeah. If you were telling me, you say Michael, you're a founder. What think about this, what would you, what would the statement be to say to, for me to consider working on resiliency in advance? Stacey: Yeah. And it does come back to that piece around helping to build that strength before things break and helping people to see that, overwhelm

doesn't have to be, doesn't have to be the default state. Yeah. There that there is something different that you can do. And also too, particularly with a lot of founders there's an element of isolation and, so many types, people are doing this on their own and then, it's not the kind of thing that people then. Stacey: 9:23

We'll talk to their partners about, 'cause their partners don't get it. And sometimes their friends go, oh, geez, first world problems type of thing. Yeah. There's a perception from the outside that, oh, you're running your own, business and geez, life's great and how good have you got it? Stacey: And so that's a piece of it. So it's where people are looking for somewhere where they can actually be heard. And be themselves and just be able to be really open and honest about where things are in, where people aren't being judged for that. Yeah. And there's a lot of people got similar experiences and that's where there's a element of a unique situation that goes on there. Michael Cupps: And I'm guessing you, you'd go through a series of

conversations. It's not just a class that you take, it's probably a series of conversations. First, understanding what they're going through and then. For lack of a better word, diagnose where to go next. Stacey: Yeah, definitely. And and just starting really simply that's something that's really important. Stacey: And I know that you talk a lot about the connection between values and habits and, one of my core values is simplicity. And I want to do things in a way, particularly people that are already overloaded and overwhelmed is bringing it back to it's almost that minimum effective dose. Stacey: 10:23

Yes what is it that I can, from what they've shared with me and what, where their intentions lie? How can I bring that back to the most simple thing that they could do consistently over time? That's then going to lead them to the outcome that they desire. Michael Cupps: Yeah. I love that. And you're right, I do try. Michael Cupps: I didn't originally, when I wrote the book, I didn't talk about values as much. After I wrote the book and started talking to people, I had to find something that they could pin what they were trying to accomplish too. And it hap it happens to be values because that's the

deepest level I think that to get to. Michael Cupps: But where do you think that how do you have that conversation? Are you talking about where do you bring in values and where do you map it or how do you map it? Is that possible? Stacey: Yeah, I don't, it's not something that I do consciously. I, a lot of that stuff comes up organically and yeah, really it's helping people to identify, what's important to them and. Stacey: 11:23

It's something there's two, two things that come to mind on that. It's, I love the story of Michelangelo and David, where Michelangelo was asked, what was his process for creating David? And he said, I just stripped away everything that wasn't David. Michael Cupps: Yeah. Stacey: And so there's that aspect, and then just through organic conversation and just being super present with somebody, then it was, I was talking to my boyfriend yesterday about this and about our conversation today, and he phrased it in a beautiful way. Stacey: He said, the way you show

up and allows people to unpeel their own onion, Stacey: And I'm like, wow, okay. I'd never really considered that before. But and I'm not a therapist, I'm not any of these things, but it's just through being present and curious and genuinely, deeply caring for the people who are in front of me. Stacey: And that's something that a lot of people haven't experienced before. Michael Cupps: 12:23

Yeah. Yeah, I agree with you. I agree with you. And then going back to what you said earlier about the simplest thing, sometimes just bringing it back to simplicity, I think that's incredibly powerful. Because I, that's what I like about the Eisenhower Matrix is sometimes, somebody's got a list of 10 things of to do. Michael Cupps: Then when you say which ones are important and which ones are urgent, you can't, you get down to a simplest thing. It's these two. Okay, then do the, do those two things. And I like your, how do you help some, especially a founder who came to you and they, you said they're overwhelmed and they have these 20 things, and they feel like if they drop any of them, that they're gonna let somebody down or they're let themselves down or their company

down. Michael Cupps: How do you help 'em through that? Stacey: Yeah it's actually just going through and helping them to reconnect what really, genuinely is important in that moment, because there is that thing where, and reminding people that if you try and do everything, you do nothing. And coming back, as you said it's that it is a prioritization and sometimes there's people saying it out loud. Stacey: 13:23

Like again, they figure it out. They often figure it out for themselves rather than me perhaps suggesting which one. It might be the priority. Then it's a matter of going okay, you've figured it out. Again, unpeel your own onion and just stripped away all bits bit by bit. But but doing it in a way that just brings them back to what's important. Michael Cupps: Yep. And. From the individual I get it seems very straightforward. I know it's not, it's complex to, to work through, but so when you hear a company say, we're building a resilient workforce, right? Is that even possible? Stacey: Oh,

it's so interesting because I, there's been so many times over the years where people go, yeah, we've got a, we really wanna build a resilience program. Stacey: And I go, so what are you doing? And they go, we offer yoga at lunchtime. And I'm like. Nice. That's a piece of the puzzle, right? But and also here in Australia around workplace health and safety, most of the states in Australia have bought in stuff around psychological safety and psychological harms. Stacey: 14:23

So it has become a little bit more type of mind. So they might go, okay, look, we need to then build that. But again, there's lots of different, ways that people can do it, but it's. The big thing is it's not just a one and done. It's not okay, let's just get Stacy or someone like me to come in and do a talk. Stacey: And it's not like you can read a book and suddenly that's a magic thing. And so it's helping them to realize that these are things that need to be, it's an ongoing

program. It's not just, Hey, let's just do a morning tea and get a guest speaker in. Michael Cupps: Yeah. And the yoga program it's amazing that some companies just said that one thing was check the box for resiliency. Michael Cupps: 15:23

So we're at a shift right now, but I think I don't think it's gonna eliminate all humans. I, sorry, I'm in a public place that may, if you're hearing background, but, the AI has this, there's an imminent, I don't wanna call it threat, because I think there's a coexistence that's gonna work itself out, but in the meantime, there's gonna be people that lose their job, whether it was because of AI or because the CEOs and CFOs wanna reduce costs. Michael Cupps: And they use that as an excuse to, to reduce ED count. But there is that shift, right? And particularly if you're in a certain type of job, like a developer work. AI can write code that you use to write. Now there's probably different aspects of where the humans are gonna fit in with that, but right now it looks like a, what are we gonna do this imminent threat, right? Michael Cupps: So companies I think have to think about this. Any recommendations around this, for an individual and then maybe for the company. Stacey: Yeah, let's start with the

individual. So I think the big thing is being very conscious again, around what's important. Again, not losing sight of, the things that are important and a lot of the time those things are not. Stacey: Work, their family, their health, their, all these things. And then coming back to, what's within our control because it's so often that we spend so much time, worrying ourselves into states of anxiety about the maybes and their, all the things that are completely out of our control. Stacey: 16:23

So it's really important to do this sort of stuff. And because. So often it's the thinking about the stuff that is so much worse than the actual thing. Yes. And often too, we can, what we think about is so powerful and so important that we can actually create. Some of these situations, by being in that state. Stacey: And obviously we can't make clear decisions when we're in that state either. So it's about just trying to be intentional and grounded and looking after the things that we can control and then

also going well, okay, look, reality is, particularly if you are a coder or something like that, then you know things can they, there, there is a threat. Stacey: But also looking at it and flipping it on its head and go where's the opportunity in this too? Michael Cupps: Exactly. Stacey: It's just the, they say the, two sides of the same coin type of thing. Stacey: That's an important thing and just go okay, what's an area that, where it, what's, what can I do that an AI can't? Stacey: 17:23

Or how do I actually work with AI to supercharge what I actually do? Yeah. From an organizational perspective, it really comes down to leadership and how they actually communicate and the energy that they have around this as well. Because the language that's used by leaders in how they talk about these things have, has a direct impact on how their teams experience it. Stacey: So if they're, talking about. From a fear perspective and everything that's awful and really being overly dramatic, there's an element of being real, but

it's also, having an element of, optimism might not being toxically positive. Michael Cupps: Yep. Stacey: But actually just, leading the way and again, talking about the opportunities and growth and, and change as possibility rather than it being something really negative. Michael Cupps: 18:23

Yeah. Yeah. And I wanted to go back on, yeah, I agree with that. And I'll, I want to talk about leadership in a minute because it brought back a memory of mine. But the individual, I think the challenge is even if you read. LinkedIn, and I know you're on LinkedIn and people can find you there and all that stuff, and you've got some great posts, by the way. Michael Cupps: Who whoever's watching Stacy's a great follow do follower. The but it can be ominous, right? So if you're just scrolling it just yesterday or today I read an article, it says, your job's over, what are you gonna do? And it never offered any advice. It just said just the doom and gloom. Michael Cupps: And that's what sales, right? So fear sales, unfortunately, and. So I think it's interesting that we need to start giving people options to think about it differently and it's not showing up there really. And because

the algorithms are picking the fear based things, right? So if you're in a job and you've and just in general, Stacy, if you're, if you have a job and you think that there's a shift coming in that job whatever it may be, what should you do? Michael Cupps: I, you said first think about what's really important. Second, you said the imagination was what you think it's gonna, it's not gonna be as bad as you think it will be. But is that really critical steps we should be thinking about and how far out should you think about. Stacey: 19:23

I think, look, things change so quickly that we really can't get too far ahead because remember we used to do five year, 10 year plans. Stacey: Like it's irrelevant now. Like it's no point going that far out. If anything it's okay, have a bit of an overarching intention for perhaps the year, but, bring that back to. 90 days, 30 days. What do I do this week? What do I do today? And so two things and having that element of being really proactive about, building our capacity, so see resilience and these type of things are really important. Stacey: Looking after our physical health, but

also then being curious about it. 'cause if we look at it from a place of curiosity and then go. What are the possibilities in this? And one of the, particularly through, the 20 20, 20 22 era, those few years there where everyone was like, oh, this uncertainty is so bad. Stacey: Then I flipped it and I'm like, when nothing is certain, then anything is possible too. And so again, it's just that it's the same situation, but looking at it through a different lens. Can make such a difference. I, Michael Cupps: 20:23

and I think that's such a powerful statement that you said that when there was so much changed than anything's a possibility. Michael Cupps: And we saw that, right? We saw that. We saw retailers that no longer had people walking through their doors to buy stuff. They created curbside service. And it's just, and it's, it was an interesting. Morph of what happened, and in some cases those systems are still in place. They, we didn't go back to the old way. Michael Cupps: The, from an organizational perspective and I'm not saying this to

talk about me or my career, but I remember a time when the financial markets really crashed in the US and I was managing a sales and marketing team. It was about 18, 20 people in there, and it, there was just, it felt hopeless because the. Michael Cupps: 21:23

The people we sold our software to weren't buying because the financial markets crashed. And we all thra thrashed around a little bit about what are we gonna do. And to me it just came to the point where it said, we can't control that. What we can control is how we show up every day. How we, what we do with that amount of time in helping our existing customers that have already bought. Michael Cupps: Get through whatever they're getting through. And then if on the other side of that, they'll be loyal customers if we do a good job and we're not showing up, asking 'em for money, when they, we know they don't have any. And I think, and with that, some of them went away, right? They either quit or we had those downsize or whatever, but at the end of the day, that was the right thing to do. Michael Cupps: And it's really hard to do that when you're a founder or something. I would think the people you talk to about just saying, Hey, what we can control is all we can do. This is what we can control, so let's

control that and let's do it really well. Is that good advice or not a good advice? Stacey: Oh, look, it is and it's also too, it's being honest about it too, and it's going, Michael Cupps: look, Stacey: the situation really sucks because there is an element of going, oh I've gotta just put on the brave face and I need to keep moving. But there is an element of actually stopping and looking at it and going. Stacey: 22:23

This is a really crappy situation. It is. And just being real with that. And particularly if there are people where they've, you're in leadership and you're a team and you can go, look this is really hard. Yeah. And I just acknowledge that because I think a lot of times that the challenge comes is because we don't actually stop and feel that for a moment and then be real. Stacey: And that's why coming back to, it's like looking at reality, honestly. And then deciding what to do from there. And 'cause I think we need to acknowledge we're emotional beings and so we need to actually check in with that for a bit first. And looking about,

okay, what are my feelings about this? Stacey: And then what are the facts? And then make that decision from that point forward. Michael Cupps: Yeah. Yeah. And that must be hard when a team sees their leader trying to cover up the truth. That, and that's a very difficult situation. Do you have any recommendations for them? Just keep pointing at the truth. Michael Cupps: Is that the answer? Stacey: 23:23

Yeah. Look, you obviously don't want to, don't wanna scare people when things are a little bit dumb, but again, just being real and the, a leader can just turn around and go yeah, look, again, this is hard and I'm, look, I'm concerned. Catastrophize and awfulize the situation because people see if there's an incongruence between what people are saying and what their face is saying and what their body language is saying. Stacey: And so it's an element of that, trying to just straddle that, that space between. Being human and being real. But then also, being a leader because that's the whole thing is like you need a leader that's gonna actually then, be inspiring. Be

someone that's gonna reconnect them with why they're there. Stacey: What each person's specific job, like, why is that important and how does that fit with the big picture? Because that can be an issue where people think what's the point? This is all hopeless. But if you can connect. That together and then communicate that then, you can really do that and it creates a bit of team strength as well. Stacey: 24:23

It's, build culture and, some of those things are built in the tough times because there's an element of, oh. The lights are going off. Yes. There isn't, and that's the thing is there isn't, there is an element where again, it's where the focus, the we get what we focus on. Stacey: Helping to lead towards rather than, lead from fear. Michael Cupps: I like that. I like that. So you, you're Chief Onion Killer. That's your role now as your boyfriend's pointed out, but at 11 years old, you probably weren't thinking that was your career choice. And can you walk us through how you said you're not classically trained as a therapist or anything, so how did this become you?

Stacey: Yeah. So yeah, 11, 11, 12 years old. I, oh gosh. I was very focused. I was very motivated. I knew what I wanted in my life. I wanted to be a vet and I'd gotten into a, a competitive competitively selective secondary college. Focused on agriculture. I was an athlete. I was the pitcher in the softball team. Stacey: 25:23

I was the first girl to play soccer, at my school. And then one afternoon I was cooling off in a backyard pool and trying to be a perfectionist and get my dive right. It went catastrophically wrong. And I ended up three hospitals later being told that I'd broken my neck and drowned. And that I'd never talk again. Stacey: And at that point that felt like a death sentence to me. And. I spent a lot of years in a pretty dark place, but was good at nothing to see here. Everything's great. Yeah. It wasn't until, getting

through that, being able to reframe how I looked at that situation, eventually becoming deeply and genuinely grateful for what had happened and how it changed my life. Stacey: 26:23

And it wasn't then until. My late twenties, early thirties, I actually got into personal development and because people, were very surprised, I'm like, I didn't feel very motivated. And so I learned that. And then of course, which happens with a lot of people around us see something in us before we see it in ourselves. Stacey: And so I worked with a couple of mentors and I wanted to, I was starting to learn about how to speak and how to, write and do all this stuff, but I did not wanna tell my own story. I wanted to, I'd done some work with people with disabilities in developing countries and I wanted to talk about that. Stacey: But this particular mentor, he said, Stacy said, you need to be Michael Cupps: excuse. Stacey:

So you need to be telling, you need to be telling your story. And I said, no, everyone's gonna think I'm a total wanker for talking about myself. Yes, tall puppy is very a problem in Australia. And he said no. He said, you've gotta get over yourself. It's not about you, it's about the audience. And with a story like your, and the lessons that you've learned, if you don't share with others, you are being selfish. Michael Cupps: Yep. Yep. Stacey: 27:23

How could I argue with that? And then it was a few months after that I was on a stage sharing the five minute version of my story for the first time. And oh my, six months after that I left my last job in employee land and started my business and I've been talking about resilience ever since. Michael Cupps: Wow. How was that first five minute discussion? Stacey: Terrifying. Michael Cupps: Yeah. But you must have done wonderful at it and liked it, Stacey: yeah. And it was like a a, they call 'em a speak off now, way before that was a thing. And so there was a whole stack of us had five minutes on a stage that was competitive and and I just, I

could not believe that people laughed and cried in five minutes and, I was the joint winner of that and, nice. Stacey: That was the starting point. And for the next two days at this event, I was constantly inundated with people telling me about what that connected with them, what it meant to them, what they were gonna do from that. And I'm like, my gosh, five minutes? Yes. What if? And so I worked with mentors on how to then create that into a full keynote, which then evolved into an ebook. Stacey: 28:23

And then the book that I published and the work that I do now. Michael Cupps: Yes. That's fantastic. What a, what an amazing turnaround from, your dreams are shattered to you found a purpose. That's just fantastic. Stacey: Yeah, and I, I can say with absolute certainty that what I've been able to do as a result of that injury and the impact it had in my life, I'm so grateful for all of that adversity, all of that challenge, because then it's given me insights. Stacey: And perspectives that others would never have. And then I'm, so privileged now to be

able to then share that with others and through the lens of narrative. Because when you, when things are shared through a narrative, then they connect and they're memorable too. Michael Cupps: Yeah. That's fantastic Stacy. Michael Cupps: Thanks so much for sharing that. It's a beautiful story and it, and the fact that you're now helping others is that's a gift in and of itself, I think, and it still worked for you sometimes, but it's still a gift and I'm glad you're doing it. I'm glad it found you or you found it, whatever it was. Michael Cupps: 29:23

But I have to ask you, 'cause I have ever guessed what is one non-negotiable habit that Stacey has every day or every week? Stacey: Oh my gosh. My non-negotiable is journaling and July of this year will be 11 years that I have not missed a night. Michael Cupps: Wow. Stacey: It's that non-negotiable for me. Michael Cupps: Fantastic. And is it, I when you journal, is it just Sometimes when I journal I just write a sentence about my day really tired or something like that. Michael Cupps: 'cause I don't wanna finish it, but I do try to do it every day, but I haven't done 11 years of it. So what, how, what kind of journaling do you do? Is it about

reflecting? Is it about tomorrow? Is it a little bit, all that? Stacey: Started out as reflection and my commitment to myself was just to write one sentence because I think people will see journaling as I'm not a good writer, I don't know what to write about, and a perception that you need to write like a whole page every day. Stacey: 30:23

And so I started out with a commitment for my 90 days was my initial commitment and that I'm just gonna write a sentence about what was the best thing that happened that day. And of course then that evolves and it expands. And now the way I teach it is I teach it as, it's one sentence, journaling. Stacey: Just start with one sentence. And the prompt that I give people is today I had the opportunity to. Nice. And then just complete the sentence like, I do mine electronically. So I've got a program that I use and and I just do it on my phone. Sometimes I'll do voice to text if I've got lots on my mind. Stacey: And so it started out just the reflection. Sometimes it'll be, a bit of a, it's almost like a log of the different things I did that day.

Sometimes it might be that I'll dig deep into a conversation that I had or a line that I heard Reuben yesterday talking about people unpeeling their own onion. Stacey: And so I thought about that a bit when I was journaling last night. And then sometimes it can be around setting intentions for what's coming up, but I used to joke that it's probably saved me tens of thousands in therapy, but it's absolute truth. Yes, it's the most transformational thing I've ever done. Stacey: 31:23

And. I, everyone that knows me knows that a journal is done before I go to bed every night. Michael Cupps: That's fantastic. That's a great streak too. We talk about track tracking habits and streaks. That's a long one, so that's fantastic. That's a great advice too. I love I love it. I think journalism is one of the most powerful things that people don't know about. Michael Cupps: And, I work, some of my guests know this, but I work with, in a, an addiction center. On weekends, I volunteer and facilitate and sometimes not full-time. I'm not. Much as some of those other people do that are fantastic. But one of the things that we are seeing more of is gambling addictions, and

especially with self mobile phones, right? Michael Cupps: And it's so easy now that they, and that, and the algorithms just get 'em hooked. That I've been telling people. Every time you fill that urge, write it down. Write not on your phone. Just put a, get a pen and paper. Get very analog and write down what made you feel like you needed to get back into that app. Michael Cupps: 32:23

And it, if nothing else, it just diverts their attention. But I think when they start writing it down, they start finding reasons that they feel that way. And they can start unpeeling that onion as you've seen with your customers. So I think Journaling's a great habit. I'm glad you brought it up. Michael Cupps: I'm, a lot of people talk about different habits. That's my favorite one though. So thank you so much. If people see you on this podcast or on LinkedIn, how do they contact you? What's the best way to engage with Stacy? Stacey: Yeah, definitely. LinkedIn is the best place to get hold of me. I'm on there all the time. Stacey: I manage my own LinkedIn, so if you send me a message, you're gonna get me. And I absolutely adore. One of the things I'm most grateful for is the conversations that happen as a result of. A podcast or a speaking engagement or someone