029: Burned Out by Age 13 - The Hidden Cost of Youth Sports

Youth sports in America have become high-pressure, high-cost, and high-stakes. In this episode, we unpack the truth about youth sports burnout, the myth of athletic scholarships, and why so many kids are walking away from competitive play. We dive into early specialization, overuse injuries, and how the $30 billion youth sports industry is impacting kids’ mental health, physical development, and family life. From sideline behavior and toxic parent pressure to the emotional and financial toll on families, we explore what’s really driving the youth sports machine.  Discover what really encourages lifelong physical activity—and why it’s not what most parents expect. Whether you’re a sports parent, coach, or former athlete, this episode will challenge what you think youth sports are supposed to be. 

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Chapters

• 09:54 - Cultural Context and Parental Pressure in Youth Sports
• 20:01 - From Fun to Competition
• 30:02 - Benefits and Challenges of Youth Sports
• 40:11 - The Role of Coaches
• 32:01 - Navigating Family Dynamics in Youth Sports
• 37:21 - The Rise of Poor Sideline Behavior
• 41:35 - Positive Parenting Strategies in Youth Sports
• 46:05 - Spotlight on Jasmine Smith: Empowering Young Athletes

Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00.802)
This is going to blow your mind. Division one college athletes actually report lower well-being in their 40s and 50s than other groups of folks. And I think it's because they burn out. So they get tired of playing sports.

Yeah, they get tired of playing because it's maybe not so fun for them anymore. And I think of this, I feel like it's such an identity crisis because your sport is such a big part of who you are that once you leave it, you're like, who am I? I don't even know how to be or how to exist.

Have you ever wondered why people get so hyped about their favorite sports teams? Well, it turns out it's not just about the game. It's about the community. My name is Teryn.

And I'm Ambre. Welcome to Almost Fans, the sports podcast that's fun, a little bit educational, and will give you plenty to say when you're trying to keep up with those diehard sports fans in your life.

Speaker 2 (01:04.062)
And we're back for another episode of Almost Fans. Today, we're talking youth sports, the life lessons, the wild snack rotations and everything in between. Whether you're raising a future MVP or just trying to remember where the next game is, this one's for you. But first we're starting with our hat trick. As always, the top three things we think really makes a good

Youth Coach Standout. So Ambre, you go first.

So my first couple are the things I was thinking about when I was remembering my experience as a youth athlete. And the first one is that my coaches made it fun. know, there were games, there were, it wasn't just skill-based, there was also fun. But you know what I was thinking about the most is not the games and the fun stuff that we did when I was like a little kid, but actually even in high school, I had coaches with a really good sense of humor.

And so there were, you we'd make fun of each other. We all got along really well. There'd be some silly bets and things in a non-hazing way, of course. But yeah, there was just, there was sport. Absolutely. There were goals. There were some serious talks when I got a little bit older, but there was fun at every level.

That was my number three also, because I just feel like with kids, especially in youth sports, like fun is the whole point because even though we're competitive and we like to win, like kids aren't going to want to get better unless they enjoy playing. And I always found that if I didn't like the sport, if I didn't have fun with the coach or the players, like I just didn't want to go back to that again. So, yeah, I think no matter what, if you can at least let the kids enjoy

Speaker 2 (02:53.838)
the time that they're out there, whether they're playing or not, you know, or that they're winning or not, I think having fun is a win.

Yeah, totally agreed on that. My next one is they pushed me and challenged me to think differently. I can't think of a specific example. And really this is again, basically, you know, from my high school soccer experience and high school tennis experience too, but after a play, if I did something not well, or even if I did something well, you know, they would

pushed me to try harder in different drills and sprints and things. There was an element of challenge there. And then when you did accomplish whatever it was, it felt really good. Felt like you just done something really awesome.

Yeah, that's really good when I like that. My number two is patience. Like, saint-like patience. Because, I mean, whether the coach is dealing with the kid asking which way do I run for the 18th time or having to re-tie cleats mid-game or find hair ties for little girls.

Snack meltdowns, I mean, I patience as a youth sports coach is absolutely the MVP skill.

Speaker 1 (04:21.89)
This makes me think of, I'm gonna talk a little bit later about how youth sports have changed a lot and how people are putting their kids in sports younger and younger. I raised my hand, I pointed myself, but my youngest, I put him in soccer at four years old and the soccer practices were 50 minutes long, five zero. And that's exactly eight minutes too long for my son. Eight minutes at our, at.

Eight minutes.

Minute marker 42 is when he would start melting down. So I would be carrying him around. One hand is holding him up and they're not little at that age, especially not your son nor mine. And then the other hand, had Scooby snacks and I'm trying to soothe a flare up, temper tantrum, whatever, a meltdown while there's still seven other boys his age that I'm responsible for coaching through a drill or a game.

The number of times that, because we have a certain number of activities we're supposed to do and the schedule or whatever, there's like a coordinator and he gives us the things to do and then we execute. The number of times that I ditched the plan and was like, all right, everybody on the line, sharks in middles. And the kids would be like, woohoo, yeah. Because I'm like holding my tantruming four-year-old and then, yeah. Especially at those younger levels, there's a lot of multitasking going on.

Okay, so my third and final, what makes an awesome coach, this is something that I see happening with my kids right now. When I see them being coached by really great coaches, I see the coach get down on their level. And oftentimes this is physically and literally get down on one knee, eye to eye, and break something down for them. Just pull them aside and be really kind and talk through.

Speaker 1 (06:13.824)
maybe even pose some questions to the kid and get them thinking about it, make them feel like it's their idea. They came up with this new tip or trick or way to improve. But yeah, getting on the same level with a lot of patience and kindness and compassion and talking them through something, maybe not even sports related, maybe it's just asking about a birthday party, but building that connection in that way I think is something that makes a really awesome coach.

That's so good, I love that. My number one thing is focusing on the fundamentals. So I think kids and I think coaches, they get stuck on like, let's come up with some plays and let's have this. But like the best coaches that I ever had, one of them being my dad, like he always coached us growing up. that was, and even when I, my dad was a middle school and varsity basketball coach for a little while.

But like he just focused on the fundamentals because if you can do the little things right, the dribbling, the catching, the swinging, like all those things will add up to become a far better and happier outcome because all those little things turn into big things in the end.

Yeah, I love that. And you know what else that makes me think of? Because I have been coaching you sports for a while. I'm so excited for this episode, by the way. It's going to be amazing. But that exactly what you just said makes me think of. So in soccer, there's some coaches at the five-year-old, six-year-old level who are like, let's, hey, junior, look up. You could pass to that kid or next time you should think about maybe switching to the other side of the field because there were fewer defenders.

Oh my goodness. Six-year-olds, Teryn, six-year-olds know that they exist and they know the ball exists. They might know there's a goal. They might know there's a goal. Is there a sideline? No, definitely not. Are there defenders? Uh-uh. What's that? Are there anybody? players on their team? No. Is there a coach? No. Is there a treat at the end? Oh yeah. But like the number of variables.

Speaker 1 (08:18.818)
that are in their line of sight, quote unquote, at a certain age is really different. And so then you move up to like a seven-year-old or an eight-year-old and they might start looking at, that's where the defender is. So I want to try to go the other way, or maybe I could make a good pass. You know, my nine-year-old is up to the point where he wants to make a good pass and he wants to lead the other player, like passing it in front of them so they can run up on the mall and, you know, do something good. So, but it's really interesting, I think.

that some coaches, not like your dad, because your dad was doing the fundamental thing, but some coaches try to get ahead of where a player is currently based on age or just based on the individual skill level of the kiddo. Yeah. There's so many great coaches out there. Yeah, I'm so excited.

Can't wait to hear what you got.

Speaker 1 (09:08.022)
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All right, well now it is time to get into it. And by it, I mean the wild, wild world of youth sports. And Teryn, I know I say this about every episode, but I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Why that's because I'm double excited. And I think I'm so excited because this hits home right now for me every single day.

I said that twice.

Speaker 1 (10:22.754)
Like I am living in this and as I was going through some of this content, I was like, yeah, that's not great. And I'm definitely doing that. yep, yeah, whoops. So, you know, there's like some mirror looking here as well, but we're diving into youth sports and I wanna hit this from a couple of different angles, but first I wanna hit it from like really high up level. So first I wanna talk about the cultural and social.

context of youth sports. Okay, this premise is basically the backbone of our entire podcast, which is the fact that in the US and a lot of countries, sport is king, queen, whatever. It's a big deal. It's everywhere in our lives. So that means athletes, know, sport adjacent. There are role models. We look up to them. We probably forgive a lot of transgressions, you know.

And we put these people up as sort of, you know, people that we want to aspire to maybe, or that we want our kids to aspire to. So the fact that athletes have such a high status in our society makes perfect sense why when we, some of us eventually become parents, we look at those high status people in our culture and we're like, well, maybe my kid could also be the next Serena or Venus or Roger or...

I should branch out from tennis or messy or whatever. Ta-ta, bleh, Brett. So, you know, like some of those goats out there. You know, like at least every other episode, I have to give you an opening for your Brett bashing. So you're I'm here for it. You're welcome. Anyway, athletes are a big deal in our society, right? So this drives a lot of parents to enroll their kids in sports. Maybe their junior, you know, kiddo is the next big thing.

Tom.

Speaker 1 (12:16.47)
Also college admissions, let's talk about that and how that kind of enters the scene here. A lot of colleges have become a lot more competitive, not all, but some. And one of the ways you can sort of, know, skirt, skirt, bypass some of that competitiveness is to have a really great athletic talent, you know, helps you with recruiting, scholarships, maybe get some money off your education. But here's the reality. Teryn, can you guess?

What percentage of kids quit sports by age 13?

it's probably high, which is so sad, but I'm going to guess like 40%.

70. Oh, isn't that heartbreaking? 70%, seven out of 10 kids by the time they are teenagers, 13 years old, they've put down the racket, the bat, the basketball, the soccer ball, the cleats, whatever it is. It's just, they've decided not to play sports any longer. 10 % of these kids that quit, they quit because of burnout, because it was high stress, because they were in these really year round,

travel teams. It was just too much and they couldn't be a kid. This was really interesting. These sports have the highest rate of burnout. It probably won't surprise you. It's the individual sports. So it's things like gymnastics. Yes, you're part of a team, but your performance is individual. And then very obviously tennis and golf. We've talked about this a couple of times in other episodes, but those

Speaker 1 (13:49.346)
Those sports where you're a lone wolf and all of, you you don't have the team to support you, the team to bond and rally with in the same way that you do in some of these other team sports. Those have the highest rate of burnout. Teryn, can you guess what percentage of high school athletes play in college at any level?

Isn't it like 1 %?

More than that, six to 7 % actually.

It's like 1 % of college athletes make it pro.

Yeah, super low percentage. mean, so it's basically this funnel, right? Like you start out and everybody's kicking the ball around little league in the backyard and then it drops down dramatically by the time that kids are 13. And then again, dramatically when they go from high school to college of those. Yeah. And club sports. So, so 6 to 7 % of high school kiddos play in college of those 6 to 7 %

Speaker 2 (14:18.764)
or seven percent go to college.

Speaker 2 (14:35.182)
And that's for inner murals.

Speaker 1 (14:44.814)
Only 2 % of the 67 % get any money, any scholarship money at all. And 0.3%, so one third of 1 % get full rides. It's like the exception. And okay, great. So you made it, you're in college, you're playing a sport. Maybe you got some money for it. Probably not. But regardless, these college athletes, we've talked about this also multiple times, basically have two full-time jobs.

It is such a demand. So I read these stats. The average college athlete spends 33 hours per week on their sport, game, practice, prep, watching video, et cetera. And they spend 35 hours a week on academics, which means that they're spending nine hours per day, including weekends on sport and academics. So they have to take care of themselves or maybe

or maybe do something leisurely. Yeah, right. When? It's just such an incredible demand. Here's something fascinating. This is going to blow your mind because it blew my mind and I told all of my parent youth sport friends about this. So division one college athletes actually report lower wellbeing in their forties and fifties than other groups of folks.

What?

Yeah. And I think it's because they burn out. So they get tired of playing sports.

Speaker 2 (16:18.87)
Yeah, they get tired of playing because it it's maybe not so fun for them anymore. And I think of this, I feel like it's such an identity crisis once you like, because your sport is such a big part of who you are that like once you leave it, you're like, who am I? I don't even know how to be. Yeah. I how to exist.

I heard something from Abby Wambach, who's a former US women's national team pro soccer athlete. And she said that, so she played obviously pro for a number of years, two gold medals, et cetera. She said when her soccer career was over, she didn't want to be active because nobody's paying her to like be like what, you know, like it was sort of an identity crisis.

said she went for a walk the first time after all of that and it felt very weird. Very weird to be, what am I supposed to be doing right now? Nobody's, I have no goal. Like what am I doing? Where am I going? What is this for? Am I making money on this? So yeah, it's totally an identity crisis. But listen to this. So you and me are set up for long-term success because

or just walk for my own self? Where am I walking to?

Speaker 1 (17:31.042)
the best predictor of lifelong physical activity is athletes who played in high school and not college. Mind blown, right? Huh. I mean, I read that and my whole, okay, because let's be real. I can say I am guilty of saying things like, wow.

Whoa.

Speaker 1 (17:55.182)
Did you see how he played in that game? Do you think like even just like division two, like there could be scholarship there? I am so guilty of that. I'm totally guilty of that. But now I'm thinking, let's just get them on, like let's just get the kids on a high school team and then get them out of there because playing in college is really hard on mental health. It's really hard just in general.

you

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Okay, so all of that is super intense. Youth sports didn't always used to be like this. I don't know about you, when I was a youth sports kid, it was popsicles and picking four leaf clovers for a good majority of the time. Not that kids don't do that now, but it was once upon a time, it was very casual and relaxed and even dare we say child led, which is not the case anymore. Now it's a $30 billion industry driven a lot by-

Speaker 1 (19:32.558)
30 billion dollars. So in the 70s, the government basically cut funding to public youth sports programs like rec and parks and things like that. So, classic. Yep. So for-profit businesses were like, don't worry, we got you. Let's just make all these places that are, you got to pay to get in for your ValiBot tournament and you got to pay to do this and pay to do that. So big business really, you know, profited off of the government backing out.

But also here's another thing to think about in terms of how youth sports have changed. Parents, you and me in general, not me, it seems like, are having fewer kids and having them later in life, which means this intensifies their investment in these kids. They have fewer of them, so must concentrate resources on them. And by resources, yes, mean financial, but also emotional.

So there's, and there's also the shift toward more anxious parenting. I'm worried about their long-term success. I'm worried about them and this and this and this. There's our access to the internet, doesn't help either. So in just a lot of different ways, we as parents too are just putting more pressure on, yes, our kids to do youth sports, but also putting more pressure on ourselves to help our kids be successful. And youth sports is one piece of that puzzle or one element in the recipe.

So is all this stress actually worth it? What are the benefits? I mean, you and I, we have a sport management background, also recreation for me. Did you do a recreation degree? We obviously worked in recreation.

Yeah, well, my degree was both was in sport management for both my master's and my bachelor's, but just all my experience in rec.

Speaker 1 (21:24.93)
Yeah. So we are big proponents of sports in general. Also we host a sports podcast. So, I mean, you know what side of the fence we sit on, but I really wanted to dive into the specifics of the benefits of youth sports. And there's some surprises in here. Okay, benefits. Yes, it's physical activity. We know that movement is good. Sports are not the only way to get physical movement. We know that getting outside is good for kiddos. Not every sport goes outside, you know, but

for the most part, getting them playing something active, get some away from screens. We know that sports can offer structure for teamwork, leadership, et cetera, but only if the environment is right. I'll tell you more about that in a second. There's lasting memories, there's bonds with friends. I kind of mentioned this during the hat trick segment, but having a common goal that you're working toward.

with people that you really like and maybe failing and then figuring out how to overcome that failure. Another benefit connection between parent and child. I have some of my best conversations in the car on the way to a soccer practice with my nine-year-old and then his best friend who we carpool with. There's all sorts of really amazing benefits, sportsmanship character. Like the list goes on and on. But here's the thing.

think about sports as a blank slate because not all sports are good. You could play a sport as a kid and have a really terrible experience, have it get you injured, have you get burnt out, maybe your coach is a total jerk. I mean, there's a lot of places and ways that sports can go wrong. there's a lot of ifs.

Sports can be a phenomenal character building. It is not a guarantee. Yeah. If there's a great coach, if it's a great group of kids, if the parents aren't pushing too hard. So that was a really interesting lens to view some of these benefits through. I always think about character building as one of the biggest benefits of youth sports, but there's a lot of research that says that comes down almost entirely

Speaker 2 (23:17.582)
guarantee.

Speaker 1 (23:44.054)
to the coach. these resources talk about how incredibly important it is to know the coach, to talk to other parents who have had a kid on the team with that coach and sort of feel out if it's a really positive environment and if that coach is going to be a good benefit for your kid.

Yeah, I think also to like not just the coach, like, because you could have a bad coach and still learn a lot from it. But then it's back on the parents, right? Because then parent has to be like psychologist parent and learn how to help their kid process and manage what has happened or whatever. Right. Let's exclude some really extreme circumstances. Right. But yeah, it really comes back to like how as a parent, are you?

helping your kid process some of these really hard times. Because I've had some really bad coaches that have made me really dislike certain parts of my sport. luckily, my parents, they supported me and they tried to stand up for me and did all these things. And could we probably have processed things better? I mean, think as we get older and get wiser on these things, I probably could have done some things better. But yeah, I think that's...

That's really hard and parents don't always know how to do those things.

No, I'm trying to think of like an example to hit that home. So maybe you have a coach who is incredibly knowledgeable about the sport itself, but the way that he or she delivers feedback is really blunt in a way that the kids just can't digest. mean, so here's the reality. Our kids are going to encounter all sorts of bosses and coworkers

Speaker 1 (25:26.262)
and friends and neighbors and dudes in the checkout line at a grocery store. They have to be able to sort of work with all those different personalities, but you're right. If you do have a coach who's not dynamite, then it does fall on the parent to help the kid be like, know, okay, so what did your coach say exactly? Okay, well, let's go through, you know, the tone that he set it in and try to, you know, hunt down exactly the grain of...

you know, sand what he was really trying to tell you. How did that make you feel? You know, so yeah, there's a lot of lessons in there, but shoot, that's a bunch of work on the parent. And if they're not there witnessing the practices, it also falls on the kid to sort of communicate their needs and their need to kind of like, you know, talk about that with the parent too, which doesn't always happen. I'll tell you from post-practice car rides. Hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, next I want to talk about specialization. Teryn, what does specialization mean?

Ooh, I feel so strongly about this. So that would be like a kid being like, I think maybe they play basketball and baseball and football. And then they're like, but I think I can get a scholarship in baseball. So I'm going to quit basketball and football and just solely play baseball year round or however long I can play it so that I can specialize in baseball and get my scholarship or do my thing in baseball.

Speaker 1 (26:53.292)
Yes, that is exactly correct. And it's just more of how pressure shows up. You know, that scholarship, that whatever accomplishment that, you know, somebody is chasing, usually a parent is chasing, makes them want their kid to specialize. So I bet you could probably just name all of this. What are some of the pitfalls of having a kid specialize too young?

think burnout is a huge one. We already mentioned that. I guess, I don't know, this is probably the opposite because it's more like a positive of doing multiple sports, but I've always heard your muscles actually need a break from doing these repetitive motions over and over again. So baseball, example, your arm, the throwing motion over and over and over again, your arm actually really needs to repair and stop and rest.

And so doing another sport is a great way to stay in shape and also like get the rest of your body, you know, coordinated and just having these skills. Like I think I mentioned this in a previous episode, but a perfect example of this is like Patrick Mahomes. He played basketball, baseball and football. And he's when you're out there, you see him out there playing football. Like you can tell he just does things with his body like he knows his body so well.

Like he can do a left handed pass because guess what? In basketball, you need to be able to pass with both hands. Like you shoot on the left side with your left hand. You shoot on the right side with your right hand. So like you have these skills that you can gain from doing multiple sports and like coordination of your body that you just wouldn't get by doing one sport only.

I'm so glad that you said his name because he's also who I had. I'm at the top of my brain for those people who are incredibly successful at one sport because they played so many other sports. By the way, Mr. Brady was the same way. Roger Federer, Megan Rapinoe, women's soccer player. There's a lot of athletes out there. Not all of them, but a lot of them out there.

Speaker 1 (28:59.342)
who did play a couple of different sports, not the whole way through. Yeah, exactly. Baseball, right? And basketball? Yeah, so many athletes do this. And I think at a certain point, research says as a certain point, yes, it is okay to begin specializing in one sport. And you still need to think about taking care of your other muscles as well. Maybe you're not playing a second sport any longer, but you still need to do some recovery, take care of your body, et cetera.

But now, you know, like some high school teams, high school teams are requiring or at least they're looking for at least nine years of experience. So you enter high school at what age? 14, 15? 15, you're a freshman.

I know, you're so much closer to that than I am. Like with your kids.

15 minus nine is six. So for somebody to have been to play on, and probably this is really large high schools where it's incredibly competitive. But yeah, another element here. Is it resume? What's that?

I said, what, do need my kid's resume?

Speaker 1 (30:04.27)
I know. Exactly. Here's another element too. Early specialization is usually a lot of the time only possible when your family has A, disposable income and B, a parent or parents who have flexible jobs to be able to sit in a parking lot for three hours, four times a week for whatever is happening.

Yeah, specialization. I think it's common and it's probably appropriate to get there eventually. I don't know exactly what age is recommended, but hitting it up too hard too early, there's a bunch of pitfalls for sure. You know what we didn't touch on is, well, you kind of mentioned with the shoulder, but injury. So the most common injury for youth is, Ms. Teryn, ACL, ACL injuries, knee injuries. That's what I had.

Shoulders are there as well, but not as often as ACL. So yeah, ACL is the most common, especially in girls. So looking at you again. And the most common injury sports in order are girls' soccer ahead of football. Football is number two, followed by girls' basketball and then girls' lacrosse. So girls most often get injured in youth sports. But yeah, okay, so there's all sorts of benefits of playing multiple sports. We've hit a lot of them.

already. Also, a kid could meet new people, could learn from new coaches if they're doing different sports. Playing multiple sports also improves long-term physical and mental well-being. Plus, high school athletes, just in general, whether you're playing one sport or more sport, I this was an interesting stat, they're 15 % more likely to go to college and less likely to drop out. So just benefits all around there, playing multiple sports.

you

Speaker 1 (32:01.088)
So here's where this topic gets even closer to home because I want to talk about the impact of youth sports on families, especially families raising my hand who over do it. Okay. So I took a cross section of our busiest sports week. So this is not all the time, but this is, this is the fall. Okay. So the first week of October for our family looks like the following.

On Monday, I coach my five-year-old son's soccer practice. Also on Monday, my husband coaches our nine-year-old son's flag football game. Also, my daughter has Girl Scouts. On Tuesday, my daughter has soccer practice. My daughter and my five-year-old son also on Tuesday have flag football games. How do we navigate that? It's a day-by-day situation. Wednesday.

Wednesday, my nine-year-old son has soccer practice and a flag football game. Same thing, not really sure. We figure it out. Also, my daughter has ballet and tap dance class. Thursday, my daughter has her second soccer practice. And again, my daughter and my five-year-old son have their flag football games. On Friday, my nine-year-old son has soccer practice. On Saturday, I coach my five-year-old son's soccer game. My daughter and my nine-year-old also have soccer games. On Sunday, my nine-year-old also has another soccer game.

Among all of this is the juggling of sports balls, game jerseys, shin guards, cleats, two different types. Why does football need a different cleat than soccer? I don't know. Baseball gloves, goalie gear, meal time planning, transportation, and copious amounts of individually wrapped snacks. Always sugary.

So tired.

Speaker 1 (33:46.742)
I am as well. Is it too much? Most definitely. Do the kids love every single second? Yes. And again, this is the only time where we have two sports, football and soccer are the two sports here. The only time that we have two sports overlapping, but it is insanity. Yeah. Yeah. It is really tiring.

I'm like, hey kiddo, do you wanna get back into gymnastics?

I he's three and it's coming for you. I also think for me and my husband specifically, our kids were coming into sports. Our oldest son was coming into sports right when COVID was easing up. So there's this element of like revenge participation, you know? Like we just wanted to get out there and do it all. And it was the same time that all of a all these sports leagues were opening. So we kind of...

And plus my husband and I come from sports backgrounds, blah, blah. I play, he plays different things. It's our degrees. So like there's that. But anyway, again, that's not an every week thing, but that is for about five or six weeks in the fall. So let's just point out some of the elements happening in that mess for us and for other families. There's the time and the logistics. There's a lot of driving. Yes. And a lot of, you know, like mental gymnastics, speaking of gymnastics, there's juggling of siblings. So

My five-year-old just finds himself on a variety of different playgrounds all week with, again, beef jerky or granola bar in hand because we're coaching or we're doing something or whatever. We're driving a lot to weekend tournaments. There's an emotional load here. There's parent volunteering burnout that gets really heavy. There's a lot more brain power that goes into showing up at a game as a coach. This is obvious, but...

Speaker 1 (35:41.378)
just to name it, there's a lot more brain power that goes into that than to showing up with the lawn chair and the sideline. And just wanting to make sure you're being fair and playing the kids equally and what are the parents thinking right now. And it's not free, the gas and the fees and the things. It definitely puts a strain on mine and my husband's marriage and our communication.

The amount of calendar invites that you have to put out is just unreal.

It's unreal. But then the nine-year-old has a game of his life and he's grinning and we get pizza afterward with all of his buddies. And he just wants to talk to me about that one goal and specifically when this dude was coming up here and then the defender was here and then the goalie did this and the goalie jumped and then I did this and this and this.

And all he wants to do is like break it down and talk to me about it in all of this detail that I don't remember at all. And it just is suddenly all worth it all at once. It's just all worth it.

Speaker 2 (36:49.164)
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Okay, now I wanna segue into what's that? That TV show of the girls on spring break. it Girls Gone Wild? Parents Gone, Youth Sport, Parents Gone Wild. Okay, so let's talk about when parents behave badly.

I was gonna

Speaker 2 (37:43.768)
Yeah.

Yeah, sideline behavior has worsened post pandemic. Why? I don't know. 20 % of officials just across the board have left the field due to abuse in the past couple of years. We've talked about this before. I want to tell you something. I went to a soccer tournament a few weeks ago and there was this sign on a sandwich board and it said, it hit me and I can just pull it of my brain now. It said this, the athletes are children.

The referees are human. This is not the World Cup. That's all it said. I love that. Mic drop. I know. I loved that. But yeah, there is a rise. For the most part, I don't see this yet at our kids' levels, but I've heard stories of friends with kids at the nine and 10-year-old and then definitely up higher of opposing teams yelling at the kids on our team, yelling at their own kids.

There's just so, the parents get so intense. They just need to let it go and then take it, you know, take out their anxiety on their fantasy football roster or something. It has gone way too far. And I think as you get older, I'm guessing it just gets worse and worse. Some other like parents behaving badly is after a game rushing to critique their kids' performance. You know, feel it out.

make this a child led thing. I think I told you that after my kids finish a game, I like to ask questions. What do you think you did really well? What do you think you could improve on? But even that, I only ask those questions if they seem receptive. And I'll usually toss out a really safe topic or a safe question first to kind of get a feel for the temperature of the room. Because sometimes just like,

Speaker 2 (39:40.118)
an example of one that you would say first?

I might be like, hey man, I'm trying to think of like my nine-year-old. Good game, what'd you think? And then just see. And if he's like, and he just like keeps walking and doesn't have anything, then I'm just gonna let that lie. If he's like, here's a really specific one. We played this team twice last year and the kids on the other team, by my perception, who knows, right? Like one side, but by my perception,

They seemed really physical. just, soccer, they had their elbows out a lot. They were pushing the players on our team to keep them off the ball. And so my oldest son is like, that was so unfair. They were pushing the whole time. We told our coach and he didn't do anything about it. this is not the first time this has come up with my son. My response to this is always,

you know, what did you do? I want to ask questions and kind of get his feel first. And you know, he's usually, he doesn't retaliate. I'll tell you why in a second, you know, but usually he talks to the coach and then he just remains frustrated. And I, my line on this one is always listen, bud, you know, can we control the actions of other people? And I use that all the time anyway. And he says, no, and said, whose actions can you control? And he says my own. So when it comes to soccer, at least I always tell him that he can protect his own space.

he can't go into somebody else's space. We don't retaliate. We don't question the referee's calls. We play our own game and we stay focused on that. So that's the most recent example I can think of. Yeah. So like just a really vague kind of open question to get a feel and then kind of go wherever he leads and follow him. And I just wanted to mention too on this topic, we talked about this in our Q &A episode, but

Speaker 1 (41:35.052)
I also want to touch on parent cheering from the sideline. So I took this training course and in the training course there was this sort of like concentration specific task is on the computer, right? Click these things in this order, da da da, make some matches, I don't know. So you do that, you get a score and then they have you take the same thing again and the answers are jumbled up. They have you do the same thing again, but this time there's a voice while you're doing the task saying things like, Teryn, that's a great job.

go faster, the timing is winding down. Wow, Teryn, you're really, I don't know, you're like cheering you on in a positive way. But the brain power that it takes for you to work on the task and also just filter and hear the words that are coming at you, even though they're positive, actually decreases your performance. So when I'm on the sideline, not coaching, I try to remember that. I try to just be quiet and not, you know, I'll cheer after a play is over. Somebody scored a goal.

It went out of bounds or something after somebody really hustled well or tried hard. During a down moment, I might holler something out at a kid on one of our teams, but while they're actually performing, I try to keep my mouth shut. I'm probably constantly talking to one of the dads on the sidelines that I've coached with them like, my gosh, she keeps going off sides. We're probably mumbling to each other and commiserating or whatever, but that's not something that I say to the kids later or at that moment.

Okay, so I want to wrap up with just some really rapid fire advice for parents. First off, have the discipline to keep in perspective what's really at stake. It's not a scholarship. It's not a next game. It's not a W. It's literally only a positive experience for our kids. Next, parents have to remember, again, looking in the mirror.

That's what's best for the family is also best for the individual kid. So signing them up for another camp or another thing that they're gonna enjoy, but it's gonna stretch family really thin probably actually isn't the best move for the unit as a whole. We touched on this a bunch, avoid early specialization, encourage your kids to just like do something crazy in the backyard, to take a soccer ball and make up their own version of a soccer game using

Speaker 1 (43:53.294)
crazy stuff and make it totally different. Let your child lead sometimes in backyard play or maybe in post game conversations. And you parents stick to your job, which is probably if you're not coaching, the following. Our job is chauffeur, cheerleader, peanut butter and jelly sandwich maker, treat bringer, cleat rememberer, all of the er things. But it is not.

If you're not an actual coach, then don't be a coach. Just be quiet. Speaking of that, respect the hierarchy. So trust that that coach knows way more than you do. Even if I think I see a thing on the game, I probably don't. That coach probably knows way more than I do. Build multiple connections with your kid beyond sports so that if they do happen to be, God forbid, one of those 70 % kids who do drop out of sports or maybe they just

no longer play the sport that you wanted them to play, they can trust that they still have a connection with you and that that bond isn't going to be lost. Yeah. Finally, man, just choose really awesome humans to be in the lives of your kids, meaning really fantastically talented coaches who get on their level, who push them, who challenge them, and just overall coaches who help them be a better human along the way.

That's really good.

Speaker 1 (45:21.378)
That is my list of tips and advice for parents. Again, I will recite it in the mirror later and every day thereafter. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but I think it's a really good list to aspire to and remember.

Thank you. All right. We are on to our last segment of the day. She's got game. And today, rather than getting right into the highlighted female who is currently crushing it in sports, I'm going to set the tone with a story. This story is from an article I read in USA lacrosse. And here it is.

The 14 year old girl came to the sideline in tears, clutching her arm to cover the bruise. She sought the shade and anonymity of the pop-up canopy behind the bench. Jasmine Smith yanked her back into the sunlight. Look at me, Smith said. What's your I am affirmation? Sobbing, the girl said softly, I am powerful. Say it again, Smith said. Her voice still shaking, the girl replied, I am powerful. Take a deep breath.

Smith said, her tone shifting from stern to encouraging as the girl inhaled and exhaled.

Now say it again, composed the little girl straightened her back, stretched her shoulders and elevated her chin. I am powerful. And that is the impact of Jasmine Smith, our She's Got Game spotlight today.

Speaker 1 (47:00.846)
Do you have tears in your eyes?

Speaker 1 (47:05.406)
Okay, so all I have in my brain right now is like, please let that be a coach in the life of my daughter for as many years as possible.

I know, I know. So Jasmine Smith, she grew up in North Philly and just wanted to play basketball and jump double Dutch, but she was forced by her grandparents to play lacrosse and field hockey. When she moved to the suburbs due to some family circumstances, bringing her and her mom to live with her grandparents. The story at the beginning, it wouldn't be a shock if you grew up knowing Jasmine because

According to her, her grandpa kept a full length mirror at the front door and made her say her I am affirmation every day before she left the house. He would say, end quote, if you don't know who you are, as soon as you walk out into that world, they're gonna tell you. So Jasmine Smith is the founder and CEO of Icons Sports League.

It's a league created to address the lack of non-traditional sports in urban communities and African American girls ages five to 18. These programs, they help girls like overcome barriers, not only in just bringing this opportunity for sport, like field hockey and lacrosse to these areas that are not typically known for supporting sports like this, but they're also developing both athletic and personal confidence in the black and African American female population. ICONS is not only a club league,

They develop teams in public and charter schools as well. And to this day, ICONS has created 14 public slash charter school teams throughout the city of Philadelphia. So I couldn't find any more recent stats that like matched up to this, but I found this one that said in 2019, female athletes of color represented only 16 % of all division one lacrosse players and 2 % were black.

Speaker 2 (49:07.326)
And I found a lot of stats like NCAA website. They stated that participation in collegiate athletes of color in lacrosse is growing exponentially, but I imagine it's still got a long way to go. So what makes Jasmine Smith or coach jazz so special? Well, it goes back to that first story. So for her and her players, it starts with confidence building. The girls are required to stand in front of a full length mirror.

just like Jasmine's grandpa did to her and they do their affirmations before practice can get started. One of her players, Naomi said in an interview with Nike, it's a tradition to boost our self confidence on the field. Coach Jazz will hold up this long mirror and we have to look at ourselves, be as serious as possible and tell ourselves, I am blank. So you can be like, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am a beast.

I'm a force of nature. That one she said is coach jazz's favorite. Another one of the players said, I noticed that when new people do it, usually they already have these self-confidence issues and they're not used to seriously talking to themselves. And coach jazz will make you stand there. She'll wait until you look yourself in the eye and she'll be like, change your posture, change your tone of voice, keep your shoulders back. She makes sure that we're able to look at ourselves with.

absolute confidence and know that we're amazing young athletes and we can do whatever we believe is possible. So some of the girls were asked in this article that I was reading from Nike, because they did a whole spotlight on them. They were asked to reflect on the I am affirmations and they said that it's changed the way that they look at themselves. One girl said, when I first learned it, I was like, OK, this is kind of weird to talk to myself. But later I actually started doing it at home and believing it.

So coach jazz, the majority of time says that they're playing against teams that are entirely white. And for her and these girls, part of playing this game is breaking glass ceilings. So they're not only paving the way for themselves, they're actually teaching people who don't look like them that they also belong there. Now this all sounds amazing, right? Giving young black women and girls an opportunity that they might not have had to play a sport.

Speaker 2 (51:27.822)
that they may never have learned about, but it goes so, so much deeper than that. Coach Jazz talks about how every player comes to her program and they have much deeper things that they can teach them than just the game of lacrosse. Sometimes they've got a lot going on in their lives, more than any kid should ever have to worry about. For example, one of her players,

she found out while attending practices that she was also being moved through the foster care system. And she said, before, this was a quote from the girl, before I joined Icons, I was thinking about quitting lacrosse, but Ms. Jazz inspired me to keep going. Icons has been a saving grace because sometimes you just need some help and support. And honestly, Ambre, I could keep going on and on and on with stories like these because there were so, so many.

But one other story that I loved and I wanted to share was about this little girl who was part of Jasmine's program, a little eight year old girl who had been participating in lacrosse for three years. And she started out just because she wanted to hang out with her older sister. Her older sister was playing, but she says she loves the game now. And she says, I like that I get to get more exercise. I eat healthier. And she was rattling off all these reasons why she loves icons.

And it's something she says, it's something that my coach has helped her with all of those things because coach jazz truly does care about the holistic wellbeing of these girls. And it's not just in her words, but she puts it into practice. So she includes in her program, whole mindfulness curriculum, including. I know she includes free healthy meal options at every weekly practice.

Gosh, it's amazing.

Speaker 2 (53:15.818)
and all kinds of different stuff that helps these girls to just understand their worth and learn more about their history and culture. But I think every great story needs a challenge to work through together, right? And this one is no different. So it's the summer of 2020 in the wake of George Floyd's murder and the increased public awareness of police brutality. The ICONS team led by some of the girls, including Coach Jasmine's daughter.

wanted to organize a march in the name of the black women who had died at the hands of law enforcement. And then it was an idea that they came up with on a zoom call and they all just figured out a way to make it happen. So they researched some cases of previously nameless victims of police brutality and they created posters to go with their lacrosse sticks and they marched. they also, in addition to that, they workshopped some public policy proposals and they sent them to local and state officials.

And coach jazz, said, it translated under the field. So as soon as they did that, the whole program totally changed their self confidence changed and they all felt like they belonged and they knew that they had a voice. So Jasmine isn't just recognized by her players as an amazing leader. She would go on to attend the United state of women summit in June of 2016 at the white house. Jasmine a Smith was nominated as a white house.

changemaker for her work with ICONS bringing lacrosse and field hockey. know to these women and girls of color in Philadelphia, which serves over 500 Philadelphia youth across multiple programs. ICONS has been featured by Nike, ESPN, New York Times, CBS Philly, and many, many more shining a light on its transformative work. Coach Jazz served as

coach of the year in Eastern PA and was a board member of USA lacrosse. And she was inducted into the Archbishop Carol Hall of Fame in 2018 as a woman's game honoree. So I know we say this a lot, like a lot, a lot, because we do a really cool segment where we get to highlight some really amazing women, but Jasmine Smith is truly a game changer. And her program is a true testament to the fact that

Speaker 2 (55:35.384)
Through sport, you can provide girls and boys with the skillset and development that they need in areas like we talked about, such as sportsmanship, healthy lifestyle, teamwork, self-esteem, history of their culture, healthy body image, and academic achievement, and that is just the beginning. So, for all of these reasons, plus so, so many more that I couldn't even get into today are why Jasmine Smith

is our She's Got Game Spotlight.

That wraps up our spotlight on youth sports, reminding us it's way more than scores and trophies. It's about confidence, community, and moments like, I am powerful. Stay connected with us on Instagram at Almost Fans Podcast. If you could give us a follow and leave us a like or comment if something in today's episode inspired you. We'd love to hear your stories. Thanks as always for listening. Whether you're on the sidelines, in the stands, or cheering from home, we're glad you're here.