00:08
Have you ever looked at someone who seems totally confident, someone who walks into a room, speaks up, takes risks and thought how do they do that? Do you ever wonder why some people just seem fearless while you feel like you're second-guessing everything you do? Every confident person you see today wasn't always that way. They had doubts, they had fears. They just didn't let those fears stop them. And today we're going to talk about how to stop letting self-doubt control you and how to start building confidence even when anxiety makes you feel like you don't have any. Hi and welcome back. To Block Out the Noise. This is the go-to podcast for teens and young adults who are ready to quiet the noise of anxiety, self-doubt and overthinking. I'm Jessica Davis, a licensed therapist, mindset coach for teens and young adults, and the creator of the Courage Method, a framework designed to help you take control over your thoughts, trust yourself and build the confidence to move forward. We all have moments of doubt, times when we wonder if we're good enough, if we're capable, if we'll ever feel as confident as the people who seem so naturally confident around us, and when anxiety gets loud, it's easy to believe that confidence just isn't for you. But confidence isn't reserved for a special group of people. It's something we all have the ability to build step by step. So that's why I put together the Anxiety Survival Toolkit so when doubt tries to hold you back, you have real strategies to push you forward. It's full of practical tools you can use anytime you need them, so go grab it free in the show notes. And just a quick reminder this podcast is here to support and guide you, but it is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you're in a crisis, please reach out to a therapist or contact emergency services. You are not stuck where you are. Growth is possible even when self-doubt tells you otherwise. All right, let's cut through the noise and get started.
02:08
I'll never forget this moment. I was at an event with someone important in my life and someone asked them what do you do? And the response was oh, I just do. I remember looking at them wondering why they said it like that. So later I asked them. I remember looking at them wondering why they said it like that. So later I asked them why did you answer that way? They looked super confused, like what? And I said like you weren't proud of what you do, because how we talk about ourselves reflects how we feel about ourselves. If we downplay who we are, if we act like we don't matter, people will believe us, and that's what I've seen over and over again in counseling. I can't even tell you how many sessions I've sat in where clients would say the meanest things about themselves, things like I hate myself, I'm stupid. Everyone tells me it too.
03:00
These moments I try to communicate the importance of not putting ourselves down. One, because it's not helpful. We start to act, behave and feel that this is who we are and it will shape the decisions we make. And three, it changes how others view us. We don't realize it, but we communicate differently by how we feel about ourselves. You might struggle to accept compliments, you become more negative in your interactions and before long it feels like the whole world is against you.
03:48
There's a quote circulating online and there's quite a debate on if Bruce Lee said it or not. To me that's not really important who said it, but part of the quote is very true. The quote says don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells. That's why it's called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself and change your life. Okay, I'll have to admit I really did laugh when I first read this, because the whole casting spells part is a little bit out there for me. But there's something powerful in this message, right, and I think if I read it again, I hope you hear the power of it as well. Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy. Change the way you speak about yourself and you can change your life, and I resonate with that so much. It's so true.
04:46
Think about it. We've all been around people who are more negative in our lives, people who drain us in ways that it literally starts to change how we think and how we feel. I'm sure you probably remember times where maybe you were having a good day and after seeing this person or talking to this person, you felt down, you felt sad, you felt negative and you weren't feeling that way before. But you also probably remember having a friend who is super positive and you probably can remember how it feels to be around someone like that, where you leave them and you feel more excited, more motivated, you're actually happy to go on about your day and you're viewing it differently to go on about your day and you're viewing it differently. So why would we think we can talk down to ourselves every day and that not shape how we feel it does? It absolutely does.
05:42
I know it's not easy to switch from tearing yourself down to lifting yourself up. Natural at first, and it also feels like we're lying to ourselves. But that's why I love the E in the courage method. It's not about forcing things. It's not about forcing things. E is for embrace the wins, because when you shift from focusing on everything that's wrong to recognizing what's going right, something changes. You start to feel better, you start to engage with the world differently and, slowly but surely, you start building confidence. And the best part, it doesn't matter how small the win is, it still counts.
06:21
Let me ask you this when was the last time you actually acknowledged yourself for doing something, even something small? Because here's what I see happen all the time Someone pushes themselves to do something small. Because here's what I see happen all the time Someone pushes themselves to do something hard, but the second they do it, they tell themselves it wasn't a big deal. Well, I should have already been doing that. Or that's not something to be proud of, or other people don't struggle with this, why should I celebrate it? But why not? If something was hard for you and you did it anyway, why wouldn't that count? Who decided that only big accomplishments matter? Who gets to decide what a big accomplishment is? Because confidence really isn't built on massive achievements. It's built on the quiet moments where you prove to yourself that you can do hard things. I am going to preface this next piece that this could be a trigger warning, so if you feel as if you don't want to hear this, I would just skip probably about 30 seconds in.
07:26
I had a client once who felt like life wasn't worth living. They were completely overwhelmed by anxiety, so much so that they felt disconnected from everything and everyone. They felt like nothing in their life was going well, that no matter what they did, it wouldn't make a difference, that it wasn't worth trying. They were trapped in this belief that things could never get better. So we started small, the first win Just showing up. They had convinced themselves that counseling wouldn't work because it hadn't helped in the past, but they still came anyway. That was a major win.
08:03
The next step acknowledging their strengths. At first it was hard. They couldn't think of anything they were proud of or anything that they really liked about themselves. But after some time they were able to list several things they liked about themselves. Another win Then. We focused on a small but hard action by just engaging in conversation. They didn't have to start a conversation, they didn't even have to be super social either. All they had to do was respond when someone spoke to them instead of shutting the conversation down, and they did. Another win Over time, something amazing happened they started to see small moments of joy and connection in their life.
08:45
They noticed that the more they engaged in the world, the more their confidence grew. They also realized that the more they were open to new things, the more they engage in the world, the more their confidence grew. They also realized that the more they were open to new things, the more they actually enjoyed living. This is why embracing the wins matters. This is why embracing the wins is so powerful, because when you take time to acknowledge your progress, no matter how small, it changes the way you see yourself, and when you start recognizing your own wins, you naturally will start opening up to what's possible.
09:16
So what does embracing the wins actually look like? It could be saying something kind to yourself when you'd normally put yourself down, recognizing when you did something hard, even if it felt small to others, celebrating your strengths instead of brushing them off. But I hear teens and young adults say this all the time If I celebrate myself, doesn't that mean I'm cocky or arrogant, or just full of myself, and I get it. We live in a world that constantly judges us and we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. But people with anxiety, constantly comparing ourselves to others, but people with anxiety. They are not cocky or arrogant. In fact, they are far from it. They are usually their own worst critics, constantly putting themselves down. So when you take a second to say, hey, I did something hard today, that's not arrogance. That's building yourself up instead of tearing yourself down. And in today's world, with all the pressure and judgment we face, this skill is more important than ever, because no one can embrace your wins for you. You have to do it for yourself.
10:23
Before we wrap up, take a second and think about your own life. How often did you brush off your wins because you didn't think they'd count? How many times have you done something hard but never gave yourself credit for it? Confidence isn't something that happens overnight. It happens in the small moments and one of the best ways to build confidence embrace the wins. If something was hard for you and you did it anyway, that's a win. If something was hard for you and you did it anyway, that's a win. If you caught yourself in negative self-talk and changed it, that's a win. If you did something uncomfortable, even in the smallest way, that's a win. If you've been struggling getting into the shower for a week and you finally do, that's a win. If your place is a complete wreck and you start cleaning up a couple of things, that's a win. If your place is a complete wreck and you start cleaning up a couple of things, that's a win, because every single win, no matter how small, is proof that you are capable. And the more you recognize those wins, the more confidence you will build.
11:25
I would love to hear about your wins. If you have a win, please send me a DM on Blockoutthenoisepodcast on Instagram. I would love to hear it. And if today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone who you think might benefit. And don't forget to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if you ever need a little extra support, the Anxiety Survival Toolkit is there for you. It's full of practical tools you can use anytime self-doubt tries to take over. You can grab it free in the show notes. You are capable of more than your anxiety wants you to believe. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, keep moving forward, trust yourself and never forget. You have what it takes to block out the noise.