Social anxiety doesn't always look like what you'd expect. Sometimes it's avoiding eye contact in class because raising your hand feels like putting a spotlight on your worst fears. Sometimes it's pretending to scroll on your phone at lunch so no one thinks you're sitting alone. Sometimes it's skipping the event you were excited about because you can't stop thinking, what if they don't want me there? Maybe it's avoiding a teacher because you're scared they'll call on you. Maybe it's ignoring a phone call, even from someone you like because talking makes your chest feel tight. Maybe it's leaving a text unread for hours because you don't know the right way to respond. And maybe you've started to believe that the safest thing you can do is stay small, stay quiet, or stay out of the way. But what if you didn't have to feel like this forever? You don't have to be diagnosed with social anxiety to feel how heavy it can be. If being around people makes you anxious, overwhelmed, or like you're constantly on edge, this episode is for you. Today we're going to talk about how to handle social anxiety so you can feel more confident around others. Hi, and welcome to Black Out the Noise. This is the go-to podcast for teens and young adults who are ready to quiet the noise of anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking. I'm Jessica Davis, a licensed therapist, mindset coach for teens and young adults, and the creator of the Courage Method, a framework designed to help you take control over your thoughts, trust yourself, and build the confidence to move forward. And if you ever need more support, you can download the free anxiety toolkit linked in the show notes. It's full of practical tools you can use when anxiety starts taking over. If social anxiety has ever made you feel stuck, afraid to be yourself, or like you'll never be comfortable around people, this episode is for you. And just a quick reminder: this podcast is here to support and guide you, but it is not a replacement for talking to someone in real life. If you're struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a therapist. And if you're in a crisis, contact emergency services or a local helpline. You don't have to go through it alone. All right, let's cut through the noise and get started. Someone once said, don't shrink yourself to fit into places you were never meant to be small in. Social anxiety makes you want to shrink, to avoid speaking up when you have something important to say, to second guessing every word before it leaves your mouth, to mentally rehearsing conversations, worrying how they'll go, or even to replaying moments afterwards, wondering if you said the wrong thing. It convinces you that being quiet, invisible, or agreeable is the safest way to exist. But you were never meant to be small. And social anxiety doesn't just show up in one way. I've worked with clients who refused to go to school, not because they didn't care, but because they were afraid of walking through the halls or speaking up in class. I've had clients cry in their car because they couldn't bring themselves to walk into work. Others avoided calling jobs they applied to because talking on the phone felt unbearable. I've seen students skip college classes for weeks out of fear of being judged by a professor. Some clients sat in meetings at work with brilliant ideas, but they never shared them because their anxiety convinced them no one would care. I've even had clients express that their friends desperately wanted help, but couldn't get themselves to schedule a counseling appointment because the idea of talking to a stranger about their feelings felt too vulnerable. And I've heard the stories of people constantly making excuses to stay home when their friends invited them out, not because they didn't want to go, but because they were terrified of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, or being the awkward one. I want to clarify: this is not the clinical definition of social anxiety. This is someone who struggles in social situations and feels really anxious, but still is able to get through. Teachers sometimes think these students are uninterested, lazy, or oppositional, but it's just how someone masks their feelings and emotions. The same way a family member might think this person doesn't even know how to engage or speak to family when other family members enter the room, but really it's their anxiety keeping them away. Today we're going to talk about how to handle this and ways to challenge your social fears. Social anxiety thrives in self-criticism. After social situations, your brain might flood you with thoughts like, I sounded so weird. They probably think I'm annoying. Why did I even go? It's a loop that doesn't stop unless you interrupt it with something new. That's where this tool comes in. The tool is called Text Me Instead. This is kind of unorthodox, but I really like this idea, and I think we need to find more unique ways on handling situations. Instead of texting a friend when you're spiraling, or worse, keeping it bottled up, text it out to an AI chatbot. I know it sounds crazy, but the reality is sometimes our friends are busy, sometimes they're not the best at responding. And sometimes we really don't want to share some of the thoughts and feelings that we're going through. By using AI like Chat GPT, you're able to have a conversation. And that conversation can potentially help you feel better. In order to do this, you would start a chat with AI, and you would say exactly what you're thinking, your worries, your thoughts, putting it all in. And then you would ask the chat bot, what would you say to someone who felt this way? You'll get a calm, kind response that helps you step outside of your head. It's private, it's judgment free, and it helps you reframe in real time. Even better, you can start to recognize your own patterns and learn how to talk to yourself with the same care and compassion you'd offer someone else. Of course, AI is not a perfect tool. So don't be surprised if you get an argument with the chat bot. I get in arguments with AI every single day. But in this situation, right, especially if you're just asking for a response back, you'll get a good response. If you're asking for tools, it can be a little bit more difficult. But you might be surprised that it might come up with something that you didn't think that could help you in the moment. Just remember, you deserve kindness too. Social anxiety convinces you to wait until you're confident, until you're calm, until you're ready. But that moment rarely comes. So instead of waiting, use this tool. Anchor before you act. Right before you do something that makes you anxious, whether it's walking into a classroom, raising your hand, or showing up to a party, pause. Take one deep slow breath in through your nose and out through your mouth as if you're blowing up a balloon. Press your feet to the floor and say, I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be present. Scan the room and find one neutral face, someone who feels calm and non-judgmental, and let that be your anchor. This shifts your focus from how you're being seen to how you want to show up. And the best part the more you anchor and act, the more your brain learns I can do this. Not perfectly, but bravely. You don't need to be fearless. You just need to take the next step, even with fear, still sitting by your side. Take a second and ask yourself this What's one situation where social anxiety made me think I need to shrink myself? Was it at school? Around a group of friends, and a meeting in our classroom? Now ask yourself, what would it look like to respond with self-compassion in that moment? What would it look like to show up, even just a little bit, despite the fear? Remember this quote. Say to yourself out loud. Don't shrink yourself to fit in spaces you were never meant to be small in. You weren't meant to dim your light. You weren't meant to hold your voice back. You weren't meant to hide in the background of your own life. You were meant to take up space gently, bravely, and fully. And that starts with small, courageous moments. Let's recap the heart of today's episode. Social anxiety tries to convince you that being invisible is safer, that staying quiet will protect you. But you were never meant to be small. You were made to connect, to contribute, and to show up fully as you. Today you learned how to harness AI to help in the moments where you feel like you're spiraling. You also learned how to anchor yourself in the moment and take the next brave step, even if fear is still present. You don't need to have it all figured out. You don't need to be the most confident person in the room. You just need to show up as you, messy, scared, and still worthy. If this episode helped you feel seen, understood, or reminded you that you're not alone, pass it on to someone who might need to hear the same thing. And don't forget to download the free anxiety survival toolkit in the show notes. It's packed with practical tools to support you when anxiety tries to take over. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, keep moving forward. Trust yourself. And remember, you have what it takes to block out the noise.