

      <h2 id="fear-of-speaking-up"><a class="no-underline" href="#fear-of-speaking-up">Fear of speaking up</a></h2>


        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>0:07</time>
      <p>
          You   want   to   say   something ,   but   your   mind   goes   blank .   What   if   I   say   something   weird ?   What   if   they   think   I&#39;m   annoying ?   What   if   I   mess   it   all   up   and   they   never   talk   to   me   again ?   If   you&#39;ve   ever   overanalyzed   a   text   before   sending   it ,   rehearsed   a   message   in   your   head   10   times   before   saying   it   out   loud ,   or   avoided   speaking   altogether   because   the   risk   of   saying   the   wrong   thing   felt   too   high ,   this   episode   is   for   you ,   because   today   we&#39;re   talking   about   the   fear   of   saying   the   wrong   thing ,   why   it   shows   up ,   how   it   keeps   you   stuck   and   how   to   move   forward   through   it   without   needing   someone   else   to   tell   you   what   to   say .   

      </p>

      <h2 id="welcome-to-the-social-anxiety-series"><a class="no-underline" href="#welcome-to-the-social-anxiety-series">Welcome to the Social Anxiety Series</a></h2>


        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>0:52</time>
      <p>
          Hi ,   and   welcome   back   to   Blackout   the   Noise   the   go-to   podcast   for   teens   and   young   adults   who   are   ready   to   quiet   anxiety ,   self-doubt   and   overthinking .   I&#39;m   Jessica   Davis ,   a   licensed   therapist ,   mindset   coach   for   teens   and   young   adults   and   the   creator   of   the   Courage   Method .   This   is   the   first   episode   in   our   three-part   social   anxiety   series ,   because   social   anxiety   isn&#39;t   just   about   the   fear   of   public   speaking   or   big   crowds .   It   can   also   be   that   mental   noise   that   makes   you   second   guess   everything   you   say   or   don&#39;t   say   Before   we   dive   in .   This   podcast   is   here   to   support   and   guide   you ,   but   it   is   not   a   replacement   for   talking   to   someone   in   real   life .   If   you&#39;re   struggling   with   your   mental   health ,   please ,   please ,   reach   out   to   a   therapist   and   if   you&#39;re   in   a   crisis ,   contact   emergency   services   or   a   local   helpline .   You   don&#39;t   have   to   go   through   it   alone .   Also ,   feeling   overwhelmed   by   anxiety   and   not   sure   what   to   do   next ,   grab   the   Anxiety   Survival   Toolkit .   It&#39;s   free   and   it&#39;s   packed   with   practical   tools   to   help   you   calm   your   mind ,   challenge   negative   thoughts   and   take   control   in   those
      </p>

      <h2 id="why-conversations-feel-harder-after-the-pandemic"><a class="no-underline" href="#why-conversations-feel-harder-after-the-pandemic">Why Conversations Feel Harder After the Pandemic</a></h2>


        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>2:03</time>
      <p>
            tough   moments ,   whether   it&#39;s   a   school   presentation ,   a   social   situation   or   just   one   of   those   days   when   everything   feels   like   it&#39;s   too   much .   This   is   the   resource   you   need   to   get   through   it .   Don&#39;t   keep   struggling   silently .   Get   the   tools   you   need .   The   link   is   in   the   show   notes .   Al right ,   let&#39;s   cut   through   the   noise   and   get   started .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>2:23</time>
      <p>
          I&#39;ve   sat   with   so   many   teens   and   young   adults   who   tell   me   I   just   don&#39;t   want   to   say   the   wrong   thing .   It&#39;s   not   that   they   don&#39;t   have   anything   to   say .   It&#39;s   that   they&#39;re   scared   of   the   consequences   being   misunderstood ,   judged ,   embarrassed   or   worse ,   losing   someone   they   care   about ,   losing   someone   they   care   about .   They&#39;ll   come   to   sessions   saying   I   typed   out   the   message   but   I   deleted   it ,   or   I   wanted   to   speak   up   but   I   was   afraid   it   would   make   things   worse   or   awkward .   Some ,   even   with   the   iPhone   check   the   message   before   they   actually   click ,   that   they   read   it   so   that   they   can   have   enough   time   to   practice   what   they   want   to   say   or   think   about   it   ahead   of   time .   And   then   there&#39;s   those   who   screenshot   the   messages   and   send   it   to   their   friends ,   family ,   whoever   they   can ,   to   double   check   that   they&#39;re   saying   the   right   thing .   It&#39;s   not   because   they   don&#39;t   know   how   to   talk ,   it&#39;s   because   they   don&#39;t   trust   themselves   yet ,   and   honestly ,   I   don&#39;t   blame   them .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>3:23</time>
      <p>
          So   many   teens   and   young   adults   were   in   the   middle   of   high   school   or   even   middle   school   during   the   pandemic .   This   is   when   social   opportunities   disappeared   completely   overnight   and   the   normal   ways   of   learning   how   to   navigate   conflict ,   building   confidence   or   just   being   yourself   in   social   spaces   were   put   on   hold .   Now ,   as   things   have   clearly   opened   back   up ,   it&#39;s   like   trying   to   be   thrown   into   social   situations   they   were   never   really   able   to   practice   or   prepare   for ,   and   anxiety   is   filling   in   the   gaps   with   self-doubt ,   overthinking   and   constant   pressure   to   get   it   right .   Here&#39;s   the   thing   I   want   to   be   clear .   We&#39;re   not   talking   about   clinical   social   anxiety   here .   We&#39;re   talking   about   the   everyday   version ,   the   kind   that   doesn&#39;t   stop   you   from   living   your   life   completely ,   but   that   slows   you   down ,   keeps   you   stuck   and   makes   you   question   everything   you   say   Another   quote   by   Dr   Becky   Kennedy .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>4:21</time>
      <p>
          She   said   you   don&#39;t   need   to   be   perfect   to   be   accepted ,   you   just   need   to   be   real .   So   if   you&#39;ve   ever   worried   that   one   wrong   sentence   could   ruin   a   friendship ,   or   that   you   will   always   need   someone   else   to   approve   your   words   before   you   speak   them ,   keep   listening ,   because   we&#39;re   going   to   go   over   four   skills   to   help   you   say   what   you   mean ,   even   if   you&#39;re   scared .   You   don&#39;t   need   a   script   to   be   understood .   You   need   trust   and   practice .   Let&#39;s   talk   about   how
      </p>

      <h2 id="4-skills-to-speak-up-without-overthinking-everything"><a class="no-underline" href="#4-skills-to-speak-up-without-overthinking-everything">4 Skills to Speak Up Without Overthinking Everything</a></h2>


        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>4:49</time>
      <p>
            to   build   both .   One   notice   when   you&#39;re   trying   to   control   the   outcome .   If   your   brain   is   running   through   all   the   possible   ways ,   something   could   go   wrong .   Pause ,   ask   yourself .   Am   I   trying   to   make   sure   this   goes   perfectly   or   just   trying   to   avoid   any   risk ?   Letting   go   of   the   outcome   lets   you   focus   on   showing   up   as   yourself .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>5:12</time>
      <p>
          Two   get   comfortable   with   pauses .   You   don&#39;t   have   to   speak   instantly .   Take   a   breath ,   give   yourself   space   to   think ,   say   that&#39;s   a   good   question .   I   need   a   second   to   think   about   it .   It&#39;s   a   powerful   way   to   stay   calm   and   connected .   As   therapists ,   we   are   taught   to   sit   with   pauses   and   silence .   It   doesn&#39;t   mean   that   there&#39;s   something   wrong .   The   fact   that   we   are   taught   this ,   though ,   shows   how   much   we   are   all   uncomfortable   with   silence   and   pausing .   The   more ,   though ,   we   pause ,   the   more   we&#39;re   giving   a   client   space   to   think ,   to   consider ,   and   it   doesn&#39;t   mean   that   there&#39;s   something   wrong .   It   just   means   that   they&#39;re   actually   thinking .   I   also   think   communicating   you   don&#39;t   know   what   to   say   leads   to   understanding ,   as   everyone   has   felt   that   way   at   some   point .   It&#39;s   not   a   cop-out .   It&#39;s   just   giving   yourself   space   to   be   vulnerable   enough   to   say   I   don&#39;t   know   what   to   say ,   and   sometimes   you   really   don&#39;t .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>6:14</time>
      <p>
          Three   speak   from   curiosity ,   not   performance .   Instead   of   worrying   about   sounding   perfect ,   try   to   stay   curious .   Ask   follow-up   questions ,   share   something   small .   Conversations   aren&#39;t   auditions .   They&#39;re   invitations .   Right ,   it&#39;s   an   invitation   to   get   to   know   someone   more .   I   had   a   client   once   say   I   don&#39;t   want   them   to   know   I&#39;m   like   this .   But   I   said   that&#39;s   part   of   who   you   are .   If   they   don&#39;t   get   to   find   out   that   you   have   this   reserve   side   or   that   you&#39;re   shy   when   that&#39;s   really   how   you   present ,   then   they&#39;re   missing   out   on   some   of   the   most   beautiful   parts   of   getting   to   know   you   in   the   beginning .   That&#39;s   just   who   you   are ,   that&#39;s   a   piece   of   you ,   and   I   think   that&#39;s   authentic .   That&#39;s   authentic   when   you&#39;re   first   starting   to   open   up   to   someone   and   you&#39;re   nervous   and   you&#39;re   afraid   of   saying   the   wrong   thing .   I   don&#39;t   think   it&#39;s   wrong   to   communicate .   Hey ,   I   am   nervous ,   I&#39;m   afraid   I&#39;m   saying   the   wrong   thing .   They   will   understand   because   most   likely   they   are   also   nervous   and   they   are   also   afraid   of   saying   the   wrong   thing .   So   by   putting   that   out   there ,   you   actually   open   yourself   up   to   a   deep   connection .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>7:31</time>
      <p>
          Four,   reflect   on   what   actually   happened ,   but   not   just   how   you   felt   After   a   conversation .   Your   anxiety   might   try   to   convince   you   that   it   was   terribly   wrong .   Right ,   but   what   really   happened ?   Did   the   person   respond ?   Did   they   smile ?   Were   they   flirtatious   through   the   message ?   Did   it   take   them   their   usual   time   to   respond ?   All   these   different   pieces   right ,   can   give   you   hints   on   what   actually   happened   versus   kind   of   coming   up   to   your   own   conclusion   based   off   of   your   feelings .   Try   to   focus   on   evidence ,   not   assumptions .   This   is   basically   another   way   for   us   to   say   the   you   and   the   courage   method .   Understand   that   fear   isn&#39;t   fact   If   you   haven&#39;t ,   go   back   and   listen   to   episode   five   to   get   a   full   breakdown   of   the   courage   method .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>8:22</time>
      <p>
          Now   let&#39;s   just   recap .   I   know   it&#39;s   only   four   for   this   episode ,   but   sometimes   I   feel   like   if   you   give   too   many   skills   all   at   once ,   then   none   of   them   are   tried .   So   for   this   episode ,   but   sometimes   I   feel   like   if   you   give   too   many   skills   all   at   once ,   then   none   of   them   are   tried .   So   from   this   framework   it&#39;s   four ,   but   really   all   you   have   to   do   is   start   with   one .   One   of   them   could   be   notice   when   you&#39;re   trying   to   control   the   outcome .   Two,   get   comfortable   with   pauses .   Three ,   speak   from   curiosity ,   not   performance .   Four ,   reflect   on   what   actually   happened ,   not   just   how   you   felt .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>8:52</time>
      <p>
          If   you&#39;ve   ever   felt   like   your   words   aren&#39;t   good   enough ,   you&#39;re   not   alone ,   but   tools   can   help .   Download   the   Anxiety   Survival   Toolkit .   It   is   linked   in
      </p>

      <h2 id="your-go-to-toolkit-for-when-anxiety-takes-over"><a class="no-underline" href="#your-go-to-toolkit-for-when-anxiety-takes-over">Your Go-To Toolkit for When Anxiety Takes Over</a></h2>


        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>9:02</time>
      <p>
            the   show   notes .   It   is   free ,   but   it   is   a   valuable   resource .   It   has   coping   strategies   and   emergency   reset .   It   has   courage ,   calls   and   prompts   to   help   you   get   through   these   moments   when   you&#39;re   feeling   really   anxious .   It&#39;s   there   for   the   moments   when   your   brain   won&#39;t   slow   down   and   you   just   need   someone   or   something   to   help   you   take   the   next   step .   Grab   it   now .   Don&#39;t   wait .   I&#39;m   serious .   Go   get   it   Now   to   the   courageous   moment   this   week .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>9:32</time>
      <p>
          Speak   up   without   asking   someone   else&#39;s   opinion   on   what   you   want   to
      </p>

      <h2 id="courage-challenge-speak-without-checking-first"><a class="no-underline" href="#courage-challenge-speak-without-checking-first">Courage Challenge: Speak Without Checking First</a></h2>


        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>9:36</time>
      <p>
            say .   It   doesn&#39;t   have   to   be   deep   or   perfect .   Just   say   something   that   you   normally   would   ask   someone   else   as   advice   on   what   to   say .   It&#39;s   not   about   finding   the   right   words .   It&#39;s   really   about   finding   your   own   voice .   You   don&#39;t   have   to   be   polished ,   it&#39;s   just   honestly   being   brave ,   taking   small   steps   to   just   be   you .   

      </p>

        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>9:58</time>
      <p>
          The   fear   of   saying   the   wrong   thing   won&#39;t   disappear   overnight .   Trust   me ,   I   get   that .   But   every   time   you   choose   to   speak ,   even   if   your   voice   is   shaky ,   you&#39;re   choosing   growth .   You&#39;re   reminding   your   anxiety   that   it   doesn&#39;t   get   to   make   the   rules .   You&#39;re   allowed   to   be   imperfect   and   I   truly   believe   we&#39;re   all   imperfectly   perfect   in   our   own   ways .   You&#39;re   allowed   to   take   up   space .   You&#39;re   allowed   to   say   what&#39;s   on   your   mind ,   even   if   it   doesn&#39;t   come   out   how   you   want   it   to   come   out .   Say   what&#39;s   on   your   mind   even   if   it   doesn&#39;t   come   out   how   you   want   it   to   come   out ,   because   silence   might   feel   safe ,   but   it
      </p>

      <h2 id="a-final-reminder-and-what-s-coming-next"><a class="no-underline" href="#a-final-reminder-and-what-s-coming-next">A Final Reminder (and What’s Coming Next)</a></h2>


        <cite>Jessica Davis</cite>
      <time>10:36</time>
      <p>
            won&#39;t   help   you   grow .   Your   voice   matters .   Thank   you   so   much   for   listening .   Stick   around   for   part   two   of   our   social   anxiety   series   dropping   next   week .   Until   next   time ,   keep   moving   forward ,   trust   yourself   and   never   forget   you   have   what   it   takes   to   block   out   the   noise .   

      </p>