Some truths are just too powerful to rush , and these next seven ? They've come straight from working with teens who've lived it , who faced anxiety head on and still showed up . If you've ever felt like you give too much care , too deeply or forget yourself while trying to keep everyone else happy , these lessons are for you , hi , and welcome back to Block Out the Noise . The go-to podcast for teens and young adults who are ready to quiet anxiety , self-doubt and overthinking . I'm your host , jessica Davis , a licensed therapist , mindset coach and the creator of the Courage Method . This series is personal , honest and packed with truth . If you haven't already listened to part one , lessons one through six , I highly recommend starting there . But regardless of where you begin , I highly recommend starting there . But regardless of where you begin , each episode stands strong on its own . Also , if you find that your anxiety is taking over your life , please download the Anxiety Survival Toolkit . It is packed with tools and tips and audio messages that can help you take control . Go , download it , it's free . In the show notes and just a quick reminder this podcast is here to support and guide you , but it's not a replacement for talking to someone in real life . If you're struggling with your mental health . Please reach out to a therapist and if you're in crisis , contact emergency services or a local helpline . You don't have to go through it alone . All right , let's cut through the noise and get started .
Seven pour into yourself like you pour into others . Many anxious teens are givers . You guys give and give and give , which is one of the beautiful qualities about you , but also it leads to this over-functioning in relationships . You give so much that you have nothing left for yourself and then you are upset oftentimes when you feel like you don't get the same level of care back . But that's why I challenge you to pour into yourself , because ultimately , people won't maybe give you back what you're giving , and I don't really believe it's a negative . I think everyone comes with different strengths and weaknesses . I think there are people who will naturally be the friend who always reaches out , and there will also be people who are the friend that never reach out , but are always happy to be there when you do , and who will have a great time with you or will uplift you and motivate you . But they won't do that without you reaching out . But the key is pour into yourself . When you pour into yourself , that way , you won't feel regret pour into yourself . When you pour into yourself that way , you won't feel regret , you won't feel as if you're being taken advantage of , because you'll be caring for yourself the way that you want others to care for you , and so you won't be feeling like you're missing out on something . And I just want to preface this it is not selfish to care for yourself .
Jessica DavisI think somewhere along the way this generation has this view or mindset that I have to be there for my friends all the time , day in , day out , literally staying up till three o'clock , four o'clock in the morning , just to provide support to your friend who's struggling , and at the cost of your own ability to manage cope . That's not a good friend , right ? Because ultimately that friend believes you're doing this because you care and you want to , but you have a battery , sometimes you're on E , sometimes you need a break and you need to be able to communicate that Good friendship is letting that friend know Good friendship means I can communicate that boundary , but I can say , hey , I have a test the next day . I can't stay up all night on the phone with you . Hey , I am honestly working on my sleep schedule and so I know we talk most nights , but I really have changes for myself and I think somewhere along the way , it became one of those things where you were responsible as a team for your friend's wellbeing and mental health , and that's just not the case . Everyone is responsible for their own mental health , their own care for themselves , and if your friend is really struggling , do a challenge , say , hey , I'm gonna be working on this for myself . What are you gonna be working on for you , for yourself ? But pour life into yourself , give you what you need and don't feel ashamed or embarrassed or selfish for taking time to love yourself , for taking time for yourself , for taking time to pour into what you've created , to taking time to be what you need for you , so that you can go out to the world and present how you want to be , and for you to feel loved and cared for and respected . You need that and no one else gets to take that time .
Jessica DavisEight , not everyone has earned a seat in your life
. Yes , so , so , so true . I'm laughing at this because so many teens and young adults , you guys , keep people in your life who are not helpful , who are honestly rude , disrespectful , mean , and you keep them in your life as if they deserve to have a seat with you . You get to respect your time , your energy and not everyone gets access to you . Not everyone deserves access to you , and there's nothing wrong with setting boundaries Again . Your generation really struggles with setting boundaries . In general , you guys feel as if it's wrong or I'll hurt their feelings . And yet your feelings get hurt all the time and you're supposed to manage and cope with that . But , god forbid , someone else has to do the same . Stop letting people who are hurting you have so much control and access in your life . Boundaries protect connection . Boundaries help conserve your energy , your time . Not everyone deserves that type of access and when you start removing people who are unhealthy , people who are not helping you grow , you're going to find yourself feeling better about yourself , you are going to feel stronger , you are going to feel more comfortable and , of course , it will take time , but you will feel as if you have more energy .
Jessica DavisNine , stop outsourcing your power
. There is so much power in making decisions for yourself and when you are anxious , sometimes you think that you need approval or you need validation or you need someone to tell you that you're on the right track , and you don't realize it , but you're giving your power away , because making decisions for yourself , trusting your own instincts , deciding what direction to go in , gives you a sense of control , gives you the control that you really should have in life , which is making decisions , making choices . When you outsource that power , it makes you feel insecure . It makes you feel as if you don't know which direction to go . It makes you feel like you have to have someone always with you before you can decide something . Always with you before you can decide something .
Jessica DavisThere is so much power in choice . Make them . Make them and have regret . Make them and feel as if it was the wrong direction . Make them for you and no one else , because you will find that when you start to make more decisions without asking other people , you will feel more confident , more comfortable . You'll feel as if you're engaging in the world differently because they're your choices , and then you won't be upset about the choices you made and be like I didn't even want to make it , I don't even know why . I listened to them . That's what I'm saying . Stop listening to them . Make your own choices . Of course , there's nothing wrong with taking and getting advice from people , but take enough advice for you . Still . Make your own decision , your own educated choice on what you want to do . And I'll be honest sometimes we make choices that we know aren't going to work out the best . That's a part of growing , that's a part of learning . Make those make the decisions that you can live with no one else , because ultimately , at the end of the day , it is you that has to live with them . So why make a decision for someone else ? Why let someone else make a decision for you that you will have to live with ? So stop outsourcing your power .
Jessica Davis10 motivation isn't magic , it's momentum
. Waiting for motivation often leads to procrastination . We all think that if we just wait for the right feeling , the feeling is going to come and I'll feel like cleaning my room , or , gosh , I'll just wait till I feel like working on this paper , or I'll just wait till I feel like getting out of bed . And sometimes that feeling just won't come and by the time it does , it's gone . We don't even really know what we're wanting to work on anymore , because we're like oh , I feel a little bit motivated , but now what direction do I go in ? Where do I head ? Stop waiting .
Jessica DavisAction creates momentum . Action actually creates motivation . As a kid , you're like oh , I just ran around and I did all the things that I wanted to do and I played the sports and I drew all day and I wrote . And it's like no , you took action , you acted upon the things that you loved and at some point we just forgot what it felt like to put in the work . We didn't believe we had to put in the work to feel that motivation , because , as a kid , it doesn't feel like work , it feels like just enjoying your time . But now you're getting older and now the real truth sets in that the feeling isn't going to be there . I have to do the work and then the motivation will come . So , instead of waiting , just do .
Jessica DavisAnd if you're struggling with this , set a timer . Set yourself up for five minutes and say I'm just going to work on this for five minutes and see where I get . Or if that's not going to work , hey , you know what ? The first time the alarm goes off , I'm just going to put my feet on the ground , or I'm just going to get in the shower . Tell yourself what you're going to do and then actively do it , because the more you actively do it , the more your brain trusts you got it and the less your anxiety will be , because it realizes you got it and in some situations , done is better than perfect , right ? If I decided to take all these big projects that I have and focus in on it being perfect , I wouldn't be here . I surely wouldn't be doing this today . I wouldn't be talking to you and be pushing myself to get my message out there that I feel like teens need . Before we keep going , I want to share something with you .
Jessica DavisIf you've ever felt stuck with your anxious thoughts , overwhelmed by daily life , there's a free resource that can help .
It's called the Anxiety Survival Toolkit . It is packed with simple tools to help you calm your mind , gain clarity and move forward . And the best part , it's free and it's packed with coping skills , courage , calls and emergency reset things that you can use in the moment . Go grab it for free in the show notes and take that first step toward feeling more in control .
Jessica DavisNow let's get back to it 11 . It's not too late . You're not far behind . I think this generation when you see so many people online doing things that it makes you feel like you're behind that everyone's life is much bigger and better than yours , but you're not . You run your own race , no one else's . You're on your own clock . There are so many people who have found their purpose later in life there's countless of them that I wouldn't even be able to go over all of them . There's some who decided to switch college , switch majors , start YouTube in their 50s , join a band later on in life , decide to do an acting career . There is no timeline on when you decide to start or find your passion , your purpose , and I really believe , as a team , your only job is to just focus in on building a better you that is worth spending time and energy on . So if you're feeling behind , if you're feeling as if everyone's life is moving forward , set a goal for yourself . How can I be 1% better than I was yesterday ? Focus in on just trying to make improvements slowly but surely . It won't matter what direction your career is or your life is . You'll feel as though you're a better human being for it , and I think that's really important in life .
Jessica Davis12 , be seen in real life , not
just online . I know that , with the world that we live in today , a lot of people are going to be meeting people online . Dating is now kind of one of those things where majority of people are doing it online , but there is so much to be said about trying to connect in real life , and the more we have those connections in real life , the more we feel grounded , the more we feel alive and , honestly , the less depression we experience , the less anxiety we experience , because now we have something to pull from . Sometimes our anxiety is feeding off of just the fact that we have not done it . We have not tried it . So if you're afraid to go to a party , face the fear and do it . Don't spend your time talking to people online about oh , there's this party that I wish I would have gone to or I got invited to this party , but I'm here with you guys . No , that's not the goal . I'm all for some online friends . I think they can help you practice on communication , as long as you do it safely and you have boundaries set and you're protecting yourself . I think online friends are great , but there is a real importance for connection . There's a real need for you to get out of the house , off of the video games , out in front of the TV , off of Discord , off of TikTok , and live your life . Live it . Another creator said I don't remember his name , sorry , but you're already creating memories , make them ones that you want to look back at . So , yeah , go out and live .
13 . Alone doesn't mean lonely . Being alone builds strength , and I know sometimes it can feel as if , especially for teens and young adults if you feel alone , then you are lonely . But I really believe in life , if you can't be alone , then you will really struggle with finding your people , because sometimes in life you will be alone . Sometimes it will just be that you're not met for the people that you're with , and especially teens , because I feel like you're limited to the people who are at your school . Some kids might have 50 kids in their class , 50 kids within their whole entire school system , and some people may be packed with thousands of kids surrounded by them , but they're just all based off of geography . They're not based off of your desires , your passions , your personality type , your maturity level . None of those things are added in .
Jessica DavisSo sometimes you have to be alone and be comfortable being alone , so that you can find and be true to who you are and not feel as if you've changed your values , your character , to meet the people who are around you who , in all honesty , you won't want to talk to five , 10 years from now . So why not focus in on yourself , focusing on growing into who you want to be instead of being what you think that they expect you to be ? So , yes , if you're that kid who's sitting on your own and you feel as if no one sees you , you are seen and you will be seen , but maybe these aren't the kids who are ready to see you . And don't feel bad about who you are because of that . Sit there , take your earbud in and enjoy your meal , do your work and keep grinding until you find the right people . But the key here and all of this is until you love yourself , you'll always depend on someone else .
Tough conversations is better than ghosting . I know that this generation feels like I don't owe you a response , and is that true To a certain extent ? Yes , you don't owe anyone anything . But in terms of growth , in terms of learning , it is so nice when people tell you what you need to change . If you have a friend that you've been spending time with and all of a sudden , they're doing things that you don't like and you don't communicate it to them , and all of a sudden you're gone , that friend doesn't learn how to develop . They don't learn how to be better . All they learned is that you're a horrible friend and they wouldn't be wrong on that assessment . Having tough conversations makes you stronger . It develops who you are .
Jessica DavisIf I can tell someone who's asked me out on a date , I'm just not interested for blah , blah , blah reason , at least that person now knows , instead of playing the question game of what did I do wrong ? Did I say the wrong thing ? Did I have bad breath ? Did I do something ? And maybe they did do those things . And I'm not saying you have to 100% share every detail , but you could say , hey , these are things that made me not feel comfortable and that's on them to decide how they handle that . Right , it's not your job to manage their feelings , but I do think we owe it to each other to start sharing things that may be hard to hear but are necessary for all of us to grow .
Jessica DavisBecause right now I feel like there's just a generation of people just not knowing what they're doing wrong and there's no information for them to fix it . There's nothing for them to pull upon because no one is telling them . They're just getting ghosted instead of learning . But so now we have a whole group of people , anxious people , people who are insecure and there's no data , no information for them to develop into better young adults , better human beings , better people in general . And I think that's why a lot of people are carrying such anger and animosity , especially in the dating world these days , because there's nothing for them to get to improve on .
Jessica DavisAnd if you think about one area everyone wants to improve on dating , most people want to improve on being a better partner , having a partner and they can't do that without that information partner having a partner and they can't do that without that information . The same thing with relationships in general . If someone had a friend that they really cared about and they just ended up ghosting them and they didn't know why , there's nothing for them to help them become a better friend . So have those tough conversations , push yourself to have them . If you really want to have good friends and a partner in life at some point you're going to have to get comfortable with hard conversations . You have to be able to share what you're thinking and feeling and give people the opportunity to fix it . And there's a different story of once you've given them that opportunity and they're not changing it and they're not respecting the boundaries that you're setting . That's a different lesson and that's a different situation . That's when you do number eight . Not everyone deserves a seat in your life , right , because they're not respecting you . But in this situation , yeah , share what you're thinking , share how you're feeling , so that you can actually have the friendships that you want and the friendships that you deserve .
We're going to pause here because I don't want these lessons to just pass by . I want them to land to matter , to be something you carry your courageous moment . This week . Pick one of the lessons that we went over today that tugged at your heart and give it a shot , just for you , not anyone else . If this episode helps you feel seen , heard or supported , please like it and share it with someone who might need it too . And don't forget , grab your free anxiety survival toolkit . It's linked in the show notes and it's packed with real tools for when life gets heavy . If you thought today's lessons were helpful , the next video picks up right where we left off . You're not going to want to miss the final seven that's released next Monday . Thank you again so much for listening . Until next time , keep moving forward , trust yourself and never forget you have what it takes to block out the noise .