You don't have to change who you are to grow . You just have to stop believing the lie that you're stuck . These last seven lessons are the ones I come back to again and again in sessions with teens and young adults . They're the kind of truths that shift how you see yourself and remind you that it's never too late to try again , to set a new boundary or to start showing up for you . So if you've ever felt like you're trapped by who people expect you to be , or like you've missed your chance to feel better , this episode is for you , because sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is begin again . Hi , and welcome back .
Jessica DavisTo Block Out the Noise the go-to podcast for teens and young adults who are ready to quiet anxiety , self-doubt and overthinking . I'm your host , jessica Davis , a licensed therapist and mindset coach for teens and young adults and the creator of the Courage Method . This episode is part three of a powerful series 21 Things I Wish I Could Tell Every Teen With Anxiety . If you haven't listened to parts one and two yet , go back and check those out . But this one can stand on its own too , especially if you've ever felt like you're carrying the weight of other people's expectations , constantly pleasing others , or if you're unsure of how to get back up after a hard moment . Before we dive in , I want to give you this quick reminder this podcast is here to support and guide you , but it is not a replacement for talking to someone in real life . If you're struggling with your mental health , please reach out to a therapist , and if you're in a crisis , contact emergency services or a local helpline . You don't have to go through it alone . All right , let's cut through the noise and get started .
Jessica DavisFifteen , let go of who I want you to be . We are a label happy world . We all want labels and I think labels are popular because they make us feel defined , they make us feel seen . But sometimes labels can really lead us to shrink and to not feel as if we know who we are because we're allowing other people's labels to define us , labels that people are putting on us , not us figuring out for ourselves . So for the people who feel like I'm the person who is always seen as shy , or the person who is always seen as introverted , or the person who is smart and that's how I'm labeled and I can't go outside of that and be funny , or I can't have a bad grade because I'm supposed to keep up this view of who they think I am . Drop those labels . Those labels are boxes and they're boxing you in . They're not allowing you to grow .
Jessica DavisYou can be smart and you can also have room for other things , room to do more , be more . You're not just one thing . We're made up of multitude of things . I can be smart and silly and creative so many other things right . I can be athletic in one piece of my life and in another part of my life I cannot be . I can focus in on different things . You're not required to stay how they remember who you are . You are able to change . You're able to expand and sometimes I get that .
Jessica DavisOften a lot of teens feel like their parents won't listen when they want to shift and do something different . But work to help them to see it . Work to help them to feel how you're feeling so that they understand . Oftentimes parents are worried that their kid is going to be left with regret and so they push and push and push . But most parents will say , okay , I get it If they see what you're feeling in or what is doing to you , so that they can say , okay , makes sense , I'm on board . I see it now and I'm fine with this shift . Take that opportunity , though , and even if they don't because , right , we're living in a world where some parents , some people with the best intentions can do the wrong thing . That's just life . So if someone's not seeing it and you are struggling and they're not getting it , that doesn't mean still that you can't pursue other things . Still work to try and build that network for yourself . Build the community , ask and do research . Show that your intention is that you really are excited or passionate about this area so that they eventually will get there . But don't stop pursuing because someone else said no , keep pursuing , no matter what .
Jessica Davis16, . Trying to please everyone will
break you . This is so important . You cannot please everyone . There are going to be some people who like you and some people who don't . Some people who will see your gifts and talents and some people who won't , and I think one of the beautiful things about sports is it teaches you that really early on , you have different coaches and you realize , wow , this coach really saw my potential and that helped me grow exponentially . Where you have other coaches who won't and you find yourself playing smaller or not playing as well , because their confidence in you , changes who you see , who you are , changes how you show up . No , no more . If you're a teen and you are so focused in on trying to please everyone , you're pleasing no one and , honestly , you can't please everyone . Not everyone is going to get it . One person can say , hey , do this , and another person could say , no , do that . And now you're torn in two different directions , not knowing where to go , and you're still stuck , and oftentimes that's anxiety feeling stuck , feeling like you can't move , feeling like there's nowhere to go . Start working on pleasing who you are . Start being comfortable with disappointing people .
Jessica DavisDisappointment is actually a beautiful thing when we really think about it , when we really dive deep into what disappointment means . It means they care right . It means that they wanted something and it didn't happen , but they actually were sad about it . It shows intention , it shows love , it shows care . When we're disappointed , disappointment also could be on your end .
Jessica DavisIf I followed someone else's view of what my life should be and they are disappointed that I didn't go down that road . Well , I would be disappointed for not honoring myself , honoring what I think is best for me , and there's only one me . No one else is inside of here . No one else gets what I'm going through . No one else understands it . So it is vital sometimes that I say , hey , I get that you feel this is the path . But I have to listen to myself . I have to honor and not say yes . Or you know what ? Hey , my friends want to go out and they want to party or they want to drink or they want to get high , and I know that's not me . They're going to be disappointed and that's on them . It's not my job to make everyone feel happy . That is not the goal in life . I have to stay true to myself so that I can live with me , because I'm stuck with me . At the end of the day , I'm with myself all the time .
Jessica DavisAs Kathy said , everywhere you go , there you are . So you better get comfortable with who you are and what decisions you make for you . If you don't want to drink , don't drink . If you don't want to smoke , don't smoke . If you don't want to go out , don't go out . And again , I know you're thinking . Well , you just said push yourself outside your comfort zone , yes , but on things that align with who you are . There's nothing wrong with going out to a party if you feel comfortable . But I would never tell someone go out to a party where you feel like you're going to be taken advantage of or you don't feel safe or you don't feel comfortable . That is not the goal . That's not the intention . No , the goal and the intention is learning how to listen to who you are and trust your decision-making , and trust that your instincts aren't pushing you outside of what you would want to do for yourself , that you see growth in that decision .
Jessica DavisThere's a difference . There's a major difference . Don't feel bad about making choices that you want to make . I chose not to drink . Someone else may choose to drink . In fact chose not to drink . Someone else may choose to drink . In fact , my friends drank a ton , loved them , still love them , doesn't matter , right ? If they can accept me for me choosing not to drink and I can accept them for choosing to drink , then we should be fine . There's nothing wrong . But if I chose to drink when I knew it didn't align with myself and my goals , then I would have been miserable , I would have felt unhappy , I would have felt disappointed , I would have felt like I wasn't staying true to myself and then I would have been left with that internal guilt , that internal struggle while they just move on about their lives . So make decisions that you're comfortable with , that you can handle , and if someone tries to push you outside of that , you get to say no . You get to set that boundary .
Jessica Davis17, . You don't have to earn rest and rest is important to define
. I have a friend , sherry , shout out to you on rest . I hope that anyone who's listening , who's a therapist , checks out your website and goes to it . I actually should link it below . But she taught me about rest and my age which I'm not going to communicate , how old I am but she taught me the importance of rest and rest we think sometimes is the same as sleep and it's not .
Jessica DavisRest is restorative . Rest makes you feel energized and comfortable and sometimes we do need to take a break and that will allow us to restore , to feel rested , feel better . But often teens , you guys , are kind of the worst at taking any kind of rest because you guys will do almost the polar opposites on both ends . Right One end , you're sleeping a ton and thinking that , wondering why you're not feeling rested , which is funny and then on the other end , we have people who are constantly out and doing and working and pursuing and doing so much that they're burning themselves out and they haven't even hit 19 years old . Find the balance , also one of the ones above . Find the balance . Yeah , go back to number five . You need a rendition , but yeah , it's important .
Jessica DavisRest is key , and I think too , we're in a time where we feel like everything needs to be filled , that you can't take time for yourself , you can't take a break . You just move from thing to thing to thing and it can just be exhausting , especially for kids with anxiety , because they feel like a packed schedule helps them to not concentrate on their negative thoughts . It helps them to feel like their intrusive thoughts or the overthinking cuts down because they're so busy doing that it doesn't lend time for the anxiety to really show until the night , but then it shows up at night and they're still unable to sleep and so they're not getting restored . You have to put in time , and it's interesting too , because as a business owner , as a clinician , one of the things that I have found is the importance of taking time . We think that if we just book , book , book , see more clients , especially for mental health therapists , we have to schedule so many people in order to make a livelihood . There's so many programs now teaching the importance of rest and teaching the importance of taking time off , especially for , you know , mental health therapists and business owners and entrepreneurs , but it's not talked about enough during the teenage , young adult time period , where you know oftentimes they have more time to fit in rest . But it's not happening because there's this view that you have to chase your dreams and find your dreams at 16 , 17 , 18 , 19 and be successful by that age . And by success that definition being working a ton or having this financial security , when most people don't have that until their 40s or 50s . But yet we're chasing it at such a young age . And I'm not one to say I don't want people to pursue their goals . I do , but I think that you can pursue them in a way that's healthier for yourself and pursue them in a way that still allows for you to rest . Before we keep going , I want to remind you . If you've ever felt stuck with anxious thoughts or overwhelmed by life , this is just for you . It's called the Anxiety Survival Toolkit . It's free and it's packed with coping strategies , courage calls and tools that you can use in the moment when anxiety takes over . Head to the show notes to grab your copy . It could make all the difference . Your copy , it could make all the difference .
Jessica Davis18 . Challenge yourself in every way possible
. We can all get comfortable in life and comfort makes us feel at ease and life is set up so that we build routines and habits that will allow us to be comfortable . But I'm a firm believer in challenging yourself . Challenge yourself in every aspect of your life , challenge yourself on your routines , challenge yourself to try something new , challenge , challenge , challenge . Because the more you challenge yourself , the more you grow , the more you learn , the more you're able to think outside of you and feel more comfortable and stretch yourself even more . It's interesting because when we think about challenge , we often think of sports or we think of big things , but really , you know , sometimes we can just challenge ourselves to get through the day . Or we can challenge ourselves to go to school when we feel like you know , today's been hard or I don't want to attend , especially , again , anxious teens and young adults . There's this piece where you don't want to challenge yourself . You want to just stay in your comfort , and stay in the comfortness of like a warm blanket in your bedroom and not leave because it feels safer . But challenge yourself to do something , move . Move in a way that will align more with how you want to live your life , and the more you challenge yourself to do that , I think , the more growth you're going to have .
Jessica Davis19
. Loving yourself changes everything . This one is by far my heart and I feel as if for not even just anxious teens , teens and young adults in general , there's not enough of loving yourself . Loving yourself through the difficult decisions you make . Loving yourself when you feel as if you're not a good person . Loving yourself when your negative thoughts are playing horrible things and saying horrible things . It is so crucial to love yourself . When you learn to love yourself , you learn who you are , you learn what you're capable of , you learn the beauty of life . It's almost as if things become more colorful . Life has more meaning . When you learn to love yourself , you end up making better choices , you end up healthier , you end up setting better boundaries , you have better peace . Life , literally , is enhanced when you learn to love yourself . And for the person asking , where do you even begin with that ? It doesn't have to be big action to start to love yourself . It can just be small windows .
Jessica DavisFor instance , before I even started recording this , there's this piece of me that was picking myself apart and thinking oh my gosh , you don't look how you want to look . And I just looked at myself on the camera and I said you look beautiful . I don't really care if people agree or disagree with that statement or not . I believe it and it felt better . I feel stronger , I feel more confident , I felt more comfortable to get on the screen and do it by just saying one nice thing to myself on an area where maybe I was feeling a little bit more insecure about today , because ultimately , we're all insecure about different things . Insecurity doesn't go away . It is literally part of living . It's part of being alive . The difference is , even though I have these insecurities , I don't have to make them stop me from doing . I don't have to leave these insecurities to be my defining or definition of who I am , because they're not . I find myself beautiful . You should find yourself beautiful , handsome , gorgeous . However , you want to claim it . Claim it because you are and someone will see that , but you have to see it in yourself first . So start small , pick something that you want to work on in terms of your self-love and start saying it . Start doing it and you'll see the change
Twenty .
Jessica DavisYou're allowed to change your mind . You're not stuck in any version of you . You're allowed to change your mind and go to different things , and I know that sometimes when you're a teen , it feels like the world is your oyster , and so there's a thousand things you wanna do and try , and so sometimes it can be a lot , because one minute you're into photography and the next minute you're into writing and the next minute you want to travel the world and I all four , all of those things right , but for an adult , looking in , it can be like , okay , can you just pick something ? That's what I feel like a parent would say Just settle on one thing . But maybe you shouldn't . Maybe we're the problem , the older generation , where we need to be open to you trying new things and exploring new things , as long as it's within reason and as long as it's not causing them to go bankrupt because you're trying to change things every single day and every single moment . I do believe in financial security , but as a teen , you're allowed to change friend groups . You're allowed to decide that this day I want to cut my hair or tomorrow , you know , I want to take a break from social media , and so you cut off social media contact for 30 or 60 days or you know what , in this moment in life , I want to be edgier , and so you change your clothes to fit that style , and all of these things are valid . All of these things are ways for you to try to connect with you , and there's nothing wrong with that . You don't owe anyone an explanation for wanting to change those types of things , except
maybe your parents .
Jessica Davis21, . You can always begin again . I love this because I think sometimes we think that it's too late or we messed up and we can't go back , and sometimes , right , we really can't . We can't undo things we've done , but we can always make another decision to move forward and try something new or try again . There's no expiration date on a fresh start . Start where your feet are at , plant your feet to the ground and choose to move forward . Choose to try again . Choose to repair things that you have damaged . Choose to try something that you felt like I tried a while ago and I didn't think I was good at it , but you know , now I have a different perspective and I want to try again . Choose to forgive yourself for things that you have done or not done . Every moment is a new chance . Every moment is a new choice that you get to make . So make them , and make them in
a thousand different ways for yourself . Choose to begin again .
Jessica DavisIf no one has told you lately , I want you to know something you are not broken . You are not behind . You do not need to become someone else to be worthy of peace , joy and love . These lessons aren't about changing who you are . They are about uncovering the pieces of you that are blocked from the noise and the fear and the pressure that life puts on you are already enough . The world will never fully understand what it feels like to be in your mind , but that doesn't mean you're alone . We see you , we need you , and I hope you carry at least one of these with you .
Jessica DavisHere's your courageous moment this week . Choose the one lesson from this series that you keep thinking about and turn it into action . Maybe that means resting without guilt . Maybe it means setting boundaries , or maybe it means saying something kind to yourself in the mirror . Whatever it is , don't just hear it , live it . These 21 lessons , they aren't rules or checklists . They're invitations to trust yourself a little bit more , to be a little bit kinder to yourself and to build a life that actually feels like yours , and if this episode or series helped you feel seen , supported or just a little bit less alone . Please like , follow , leave a comment or review . Also , please share this with someone who needs it , someone who's been caring more than they show . And don't forget to download the free anxiety survival toolkit linked in the show notes . It is there to help you keep this momentum going and be there for moments when you are struggling the most . Thank you so so much for listening . Until next time , keep moving forward , trust yourself and never forget you have what it takes to block out the noise .