You know that feeling when you walk into a room and suddenly you're hyper-aware of everything. Where you sit, how you sit, whether people are staring. And then the teacher starts asking questions, and you're praying they don't call on you. Because even though you know the answer, the thought of everyone turning to look at you makes your chest tight and your mind goes completely blank. That's social anxiety. And if you're dealing with it, you already know it's not just being shy or needing to be more confident. It's your brain working overtime to protect you from a threat that isn't actually there. The thing is, you're not broken. You're not too much or not enough. Your brain is doing what it thinks is its job, even when it's making things harder instead of easier. So today we're doing a different style episode with it being more of a QA. And we're going to answer three questions. How do you handle the fear that everyone's judging you? How do you get through presentations when your body feels like it's shutting down? And how do you stop anxiety from controlling what you do and don't do? Let's break it down.
Hi, and welcome to Black Out the Noise, a space for teens and young adults who are ready to quiet the noise of anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking and start building a life filled with confidence, courage, and purpose. I'm Jessica Davis, a licensed therapist, mindset coach, and the creator of the courage method. I specialize in helping teens and young adults with anxiety, overthinking, and low self-esteem.
If you want practical tools to help you in this fight against anxiety, please download the free anxiety survival toolkit. You'll find the link in the show notes. Before we dive in, remember, this podcast is here to support and guide you, but it is not a replacement for talking to someone in real life. If you're struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a therapist. And if you're in a crisis, contact emergency services or a local helpline. You don't have to go through this alone. All right, let's cut through the noise and get started.
Question one: How do I deal with this fear of being judged every time I speak up or participate in class? I've heard this one and I get it. The fear of judgment is one of the hardest parts of social anxiety because it feels like you're standing in a spotlight you didn't even ask for. Here's the truth nobody likes that feeling. And yes, even the people who seem super confident still feel nervous sometimes. They've just learned how to move through it instead of around it. So let's talk about what actually helps. The goal isn't to make fear disappear. It's honestly not realistic. And it's not even the point. The goal is to stop letting fear
make your decision. Start small. Let's just call it micro courage. Say one thing in class, even if it's just agreeing with someone else's answer. Make eye contact with your teacher once or nod when someone's talking. Raise your hand halfway. You'll probably still feel anxious. That's normal. But when you do it anyway, your brain learns something new. I can be scared and still be okay. And every time you do that, fear loses a little bit of power. You don't need to become the most talkative person in class. You just need to prove to yourself that you can show up, even when it's uncomfortable. That's where real confidence starts. I know you're probably tired of hearing it, but it's true. Question two: I get so nervous before presentations that I feel like I'll
pass out. How do I calm down before and during my talk? First, take a breath, take a beat, take a minute. You are not being dramatic for feeling this way. Public speaking is literally one of the most common fears in the world. And when you're already struggling with anxiety, it can feel 10 times louder. Honestly, I got an invite to speak in front of 500 plus seniors. And the thought of it is making me nervous. I don't want to get on stage and say the wrong thing or have things misinterpreted or not represent myself the way that I want to. But if I let the fear win the next time I get invited to a speaking engagement, it will be even harder for me to face this fear. And I'll be honest, all the deep breathing in the world won't help you when you're in full panic mode, right? Instead of trying to get rid of nerves, we're going to have to work with them. Here's
something that might blow your mind. Your body doesn't actually know the difference between fear and excitement. I know, sounds crazy, but both feel like energy, adrenaline, butterflies, racing heart. So when that wave hits right before you present, tell yourself, this is my body getting ready to perform. It sounds simple, but it works. You're reframing the sensation instead of fighting it. Now, let's talk some practical strategies.
Before the presentation, move your body, walk around, shake out your hands, do some stretches, release that tension before it builds up into full-blown panic. Right before you start, take one deep breath. Inhale for four counts. Exhale for six. That long exhale, tell your nervous system, I'm safe. This isn't a real threat. During your talk, don't try to make eye contact with everyone. That's way too much pressure. If you can, pick one friendly face in the room, or even look just above everyone's head if that's easier. And remember this you're not performing for approval. You're just sharing what you know. If your hands shake or your voice trembles, that's not failure. That's courage showing up in real time. You're doing the thing that scares you, and that matters way more than doing it perfectly.
If you've been listening and thinking, okay, Jessica, these tools sound great, but I know myself. I'll forget them the second I need them. That's exactly why the Anxiety Survival Toolkit is there. It's a free download with go-to tools written out. So when your brain goes blank in the middle of a spiral, you don't have to think. It's right there, step by step. Grab it through the link in the show notes and keep it on your phone. Trust me, you'll thank yourself the next time anxiety hits.
Question three. How do I stop anxiety from running my life when I feel like I can't control it? This is a big one because anxiety makes you believe that if you can't make it go away completely, you're losing. But the truth is, you don't have to control anxiety to take control of your life. Let me repeat that. You don't have to take control of anxiety to take control of your life. Sometimes you won't want to do the thing. You won't want to talk. You won't want to go to school. You'll feel frozen, stuck, like you can't move forward.
That doesn't make you weak. That makes you human. But here's what separates people who let anxiety win from people who keep moving forward. When fear shows up, they name it. This is fear. This is anxiety talking. This is my brain trying to protect me. And then they ask themselves one question. What's one thing fear doesn't get to decide today? Maybe it's walking in the class even though your stomach hurts. Maybe it's answering one question. Maybe it's choosing to stay instead of run. You don't have to take a huge leap. You don't have to conquer everything all at once. You just need one small act that says, I'm not letting fear win this time. So, yes, that's how real confidence is built. Not from perfection, not from toxic positivity or pretending you'll be fine when you're not. It's from choosing courage when fear is loud, from showing up, even when every part of you wants to hide. That's the work. And you are more than capable of it. If you're listening to this, please go to the link in the show notes to send a question yourself directly to me, whether it's on presentations, group projects, eating lunch alone, making friends, anything about anxiety, self-esteem, self-doubt, you name it. I want to hear what you're working through. I might even
feature your question in a future episode. Also, if you take anything from today, let it be this. Social anxiety doesn't mean you're failing at life. It means your brain is working overtime to keep you safe from judgment, embarrassment, or rejection that most of the time isn't even happening. But you don't have to eliminate the anxiety to take back control. You just need one small act of courage when fear is loudest. So be patient with yourself. Show up in small ways. And know this you're not alone in this fight. And you're far, far, far more capable than the fear in your head wants you to believe. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time, keep moving forward. Trust yourself. And never forget, you have what it takes to block out the noise.