Fatherhood, Responsibility, And Showing Up

Fatherhood hits different when you stop treating it like a label and start treating it like a life assignment. We come back in the lab for Men’s Health Month and go straight to the question that doesn’t have a clean, universal answer: what does it really mean to be a father? From “dad” to “pops” to “father,” we talk about how the words can feel, why some of them sound too formal, and what matters more than any title, consistent responsibility and real presence.

We also widen the frame beyond a man and his child. Kids learn by watching, so we dig into the family dynamic and the relationship that created them. That includes the uncomfortable stuff people avoid: unhealthy setups, broken trust, and what children absorb when the home stays chaotic. We talk about leadership, protection, provision, and the expectation that fathers are the ones everyone looks to when life gets dangerous or uncertain, and why that pressure needs honesty, not performance.

Then we get into a key turning point: sometimes doing right by your kids means building a co-parenting plan outside the household instead of keeping everyone stuck in daily conflict. We also reflect on how a man forms his own parenting style when there’s no guidebook, when the past has gaps, and when growth is happening in real time. If you care about fatherhood, men’s mental health, parenting, co-parenting, and building legacy with intention, this conversation is for you.

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Transcript

Welcome Back And Men’s Health

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Welcome to another episode of Pops and Son Conversations. And as always, it is your favorite silver fox, Rob Melloy.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

And it is Mr. Check Three Times. The dynamic duo. Back at it again. Back at it again.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Jay, how you feeling?

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Oh man, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. How you feeling, Pops?

SPEAKER_02 0:30

I'm good. I'm excited, man. You know, um, we should have had the song playing reunited, and it feels so good, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:37

I know, right?

SPEAKER_02 0:39

That would be most appropriate. Look, we appreciate you guys' patience. You know, so much going on, but you know what? It's it's exactly what we prayed for. So, you know, uh any opportunity we have to continue to make impact, we're gonna do that individually and collectively. But the most important part is we are back in the lab. Yeah. Um Jay Men's Health Month.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

It's important. Yo, men's health.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

It's it's key. So, you know, there's a lot of uh as as we uh already know, there's a lot of trending uh topics, trending uh viral posts about you know men's health and you know how we should do better, you know. Um but I think but I I I think we have to we would be remiss if we did not address fatherhood.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Oh yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

You know, and and uh we don't want to wait until you know Father's Day and and kind of go through those type of charades. I I think that we can we could probably get, I don't know, man, maybe maybe two parts, because uh there's no way that we can cover you know fatherhood and what it means to us as a father, as a son, grandson, you know, grandfather, all that stuff. So uh uh let's uh let's just start with part one, Jay. Do you think that uh that's something we can pull off?

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Oh yeah. I mean, like you said, we really could talk about this all day, but um, you know, we could do a part one. Um so fatherhood, man, what do you what do you even begin when you start to think about this topic, right? Um what does it even really mean to be a father, right? Right. It's another thing too. Like you got dad, you got father, you got pops. Like, do these terms do they have different meanings, or is it all under the same umbrella? Um, you know, I never really thought about that until uh, you know, I had had my son. And it's kind of it's kind of funny because it's like you start thinking, like, what what do I want him to really, you

Why Fatherhood Deserves Part One

SPEAKER_00 2:55

know, call me? Like, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, do I want to call me Pops or Dad or Father? Like, father just seems so formal. I I never really used that. Yeah, like I'm not doing that. Um, but anyway, uh, you know, to to really get into it though, uh, one thing about fatherhood, um, you know, that I learned, you know, just just from just from being around my son, man, it's it's that weight of responsibility. It's that weight of responsibility. Like once you once you become a father, instantaneously you understand that it's not just about you anymore. You know what I mean? Uh from that point moving forward, your future involves another being. And, you know, all the steps that you take, and and honestly, some of the steps that you took before that being came into being is going to have an effect on their future as well.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Um, you know, that could be directly, it could be indirectly. Um, so that's where that level of responsibility comes. And and, you know, it really it you really get to learn a lot about yourself, you know, just in that just in the in the in the few moments, you know what I'm saying? What that responsibility is, how you feel about that post.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

Yeah, look, uh, you you really opened up a can, but I want to bounce around a little bit with this, but stay in that same vein. Okay, you know, um, I think the one of the most important parts of fatherhood, meaning, you know, representation of of a man, is to express and show the importance of the relationship on how that child was created. You know what I mean? So before you get into you know, uh pin standing up if it's a son or wiping, you know, front to back if it's a young lady, right? So they need to know how they got here. They were creative, the two people that came together and created the life that that they're living. And and I think you know, the only way you could do that is by example. So, of course, that opens up a whole nother can, right? It's like uh, you know, how did the child get here? You know, was it a oops baby? Was it your side dude, your side chick, an affair? Was it someone that you was just kicking

Dad Vs Father Vs Pops

SPEAKER_02 5:30

it with? Is it is somebody you was married to, or uh planning to get married? Like those are some crucial things that is uh super important that I think goes overlooked, right? Because I and I'm gonna say this, Dave, and you know, our our our lady listeners probably won't, you know, um be feeling me on this, but you know, we don't go around as men, we don't go around talking about single fatherhood a whole lot. You know, we we we don't brag about hey, I've been able to take care of my kids without without his mom or her mom in in his life.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Nah, that's that's not a badge of our flex for us, yeah. It's not a flex.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

So um, and I think again that comes with the fatherhood mentality. When we think father, we think family. Right? So we we think mom, dad, children, you know, cat, dog, fish, that type of thing. But we'll we're thinking family. So when we think about fatherhood, you know, we we will incorporate, you know, um you know, our woman. You know, we'll incorporate the the uh uh the whole relationship because it's not just about the father and the kid, it's about you know how that child got here. What type of family dynamic are we actually an example are we giving them because that's gonna be the first thing? Daddy, mommy, mommy daddy. And that's something that I think that men do a very good job. When when in a healthy uh dynamic, let's just be you know keep that disclaimer out there, but when in a healthy dynamic, I think that you know it's all about promoting family because you know, as we go along here, I mean we're at the point, we're at the point with social media and different media outlets, they're literally comparing the holidays. Like we see that every every year, you know, the father getting socks, drawls, maybe a grill so he can in an apron so he can cook for the family, yeah. And and as opposed to you know, Mother's Day, you know, trips, vehicles, new houses, right, jewelry. So it's already a it's already a constant battle. So we have to go back to promoting family and you know, bringing it all in, you know, uh, I feel like the weight of that responsibility is

The Weight Of Responsibility

SPEAKER_02 8:10

us as the head, as the leaders. So if if we continue to promote, you know, just fathers and their kids and not the whole family dynamic, then that's that's gonna be on us on the message that we're putting out there. Now, don't get it twisted. There there's a lot of pressure, there's a lot of expectation with fatherhood. And and I tell you, this is crazy, and we're gonna move on from this part. But let me tell you what's crazy about this, Jay. Yeah, so um this happens way too often, but we all know that it happens that even some mothers take claim of of being the father and the mother of that child. Yeah. Like this is this isn't nothing, this isn't something that just happened in the last five, ten, fifteen years. This has been going on for a minute, right? And so when we have that type, when those we have those type of shenanigans, you know, it really takes away the importance, uh, in and the uh I'm gonna make up a word, unsubstitutable way to uh be a father and what a father represents. First of all, you got a nutsack with seeds in it, right?

unknown 9:34

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Like first of all, right? So you can't be a father if you don't have that. But not only that, you know, being the leaders, being the protectors, being the providers, you know, be being the go-to. Like, because when when things get rough or or things get dangerous, who are they going to to make a move? They're going to the father, they're going to that father figurehead to make things happen. And so when we start talking about carrying the responsibility, man, it's it's a lot. And when when we look at these new barometers or these old barometers of what makes a a man a father, and we start talking about or hearing money uh versus presence, and I'm talking about presence as in being there, but when we also start talking about um the decision making, and this is crazy. The decision making, sometimes the decision maker for a father is is realizing how did we get here and is it healthy to stay? Is it really healthy to stay? Because with that man, that man may have decided to remove himself from that household for the betterment. Somebody might have gotten you know emotionally damaged, financially damaged. If if there wasn't a removal, and sometimes that removal will bring out the fight or flight of a woman, but at the same time, long term, it's healthier and safer for all parties involved, and it also challenges you to be like we're not in the same household. So we need to do right by these kids, and now you're devising a plan on how to co-parent versus having a household of chaos, and that ran is done, man. I'm I'm done with the rant, Jay.

Family Dynamics And Leading By Example

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

No, I I I I see I I like how I like how you uh how you ended it because you had me questioning some things a little bit throughout it, but the way you wrapped it up, it makes sense. Like, especially when you say, like, I mean, a chaotic, a chaotic household is never gonna be good for anybody. So while that decision made, like I'm I'm sure that that decision isn't just like on the whim. Like, that's one of those decisions you gotta think about, you gotta really ponder over, and it's like, all right, cool. I need to remove, you know, you know what I'm saying, remove myself for the greater good. Um right, so yeah, nah, nah, you, yeah, nah. Uh W rent, W rent, that was good. You you smoked that. You smoked that, I ain't gonna lie.

SPEAKER_02 12:27

No doubt. So let's cut let's kind of uh and I want you to kind of expound on this. Yeah. Uh when we start talking about, you know, the and you know, this this can be uh this is gonna be deep, you know, uh the the father that you had or envisioned on what fatherhood should look like versus the the father uh that you uh aspire to be as you grow and navigate because although those of uh you that don't know our story, you know, uh Jay and I we linked up a little later in life, you know, and so uh you guys just gotta follow our story, and of course, you know, we got some stuff coming out to give you uh to paint paint a picture. But the bottom line is, you know, we got together a little bit later in life and we established our bond, which is unbreakable, ironclad, you know, but at the same time, I mean, I missed you uh and you missed me when when it was coming to uh you know growing up, and you're my only son.

unknown 13:30

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

And so um, you know, just kind of talk about you know your your plight when it comes to father that you had or have uh, you know, versus the father that you continue to aspire to be.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Yeah, so for me, like so, so for me, like fatherhood, my my concept of it, like I just kind of looked. Because I had friends, like all my friends, like pops was around and stuff like that. So, you know, I kind of looked at their relationship, and I don't know what it was about me growing up. Like, you know, I miss you, and I remember, you know, I would I would ask moms, like, yo, you know, can I talk to pops? And I know we like we kind of got communication early. Like we would talk on the phone.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

I got when I got my phone, like, as far as like texting and and just keeping in touch and stuff like that, you know, we we did that. Um, but I didn't, you know, like the physical wasn't there, like seeing it in real time. So I didn't really, I don't know what my concept of it really was, now that I'm like really giving it thought. But, you know, fast forward to now, like when I think about it today, you know, how how how we interact as a father and son, like, I I want to, I want to impart a lot of that to my son, you know what I'm saying? And and the thing about fatherhood too, which I want people to understand, like, you know, it's no even if you were there, if you were not there, if you miss whatever, whatever, like there is no guide book, there's no rule book, you know what I mean? And just by the nature of being human, no two sons are gonna be the same, no two fathers are gonna be the same, right? So whatever might work for a father and son pair over here to the left is not gonna work the same way for a father and son pair over here to the right. It don't matter, you know, who got the most hours in, who got the most, you know, you know what I'm saying? Like it's all different varying factors. So I think a lot of times uh for me is just dealing uh with the present and staying present. And what I mean by that is dealing with the right here and the right now, you know what I'm saying? Because that's all we really can control. So you start your uh analysis from the data that you have, right? So I ain't I ain't really have no, you know what I'm saying, no data. So I'm dealing with what I got right now. So um when I'm saying I say all that to say that um, you know, it's a lot, it's a lot that um that I'm now beginning to model myself not only as a father, but just like as a man in general, you know what I'm saying, to to the things that you've taught me and to what I've observed, right? Because as we know, a lot of learning is not um a lot of it comes from observation, you know what I mean? That's why they say you want to um lead by example, you know what I mean? So uh the father that I imagine myself being, though, is is um I I don't know if I have I I I have somewhat of an idea, but I'm still generating that, you know what I mean? Like I ain't gonna just sit sit here and say, like, I oh I have the perfect ideology of, you know what I'm saying? Like I'm still learning stuff that I might do tomorrow that, you know, I don't think is a good thing for me to do as a father three weeks, you know, after that. So it's it's it's constantly evolving and constantly changing. But I do know the number one thing is just um having is building something, you know what I'm saying? Uh uh building something for my son to be able to uh reap the benefits of, I think, uh is a big part of it. Aside from the knowledge I want to impart, aside from um, you know, just the the the general teachings of of a man and the world and all that good stuff that we should do anyway, um, is really just building something, I would say.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

That's good.

When Leaving Protects The Child

SPEAKER_02 17:45

Look, that's that that is so good because I believe what you just said represents a large group of young men that you know are learning um that, hey, I don't have all the answers and I don't have all the answers, but at the same time, as I navigate, am I actually taking pieces from my experience? And you know, obviously the experience can be uh the your your peers, it could be you know father figures, it could be your actual dad, it could be your dad's friend, you know, just a culmination of all these factors, and I think that's pretty powerful, Jay, to be able to articulate that. Um, because again, I think that does represent a whole lot of young men. And uh and to be honest, you know, for you, uh, I think it's remarkable that at 31, closing in on 32, you only have one child. Hey, man, you only got one shorty, man. I think that that is remarkable. Yeah you know, and um and I'm just saying that um you know, making a conscious decision that, hey, you know what, with this one, with this son or with this daughter, with this child, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna do everything in my power and my control, you know, to give them uh the tools and resources in life and be the best man and show up, you know, versus you know, just getting with folks and oh I got one son, I need a girl, I need two kids. I mean, think of think about that mentality, man. There's a lot of folks with that mentality, they just trying to get the numbers right.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

I know, yes. I've met them plenty of plenty of fellas like, oh yeah, man, we when you gonna have your second one, like no, brother, like I'm not thinking about that right now. But you know, folks, you know, that's I was just talking to somebody the other day, they got man, how many? This this girl told me she had uh like 10 10 siblings, and I was just like I'll sway.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

Yeah, it's definitely different.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

It's definitely different. I just can't imagine it. I mean, I don't know. I I just can't imagine it. But shout out though, shout out.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

Yeah, yeah, shout out. Matter of fact, um, I tell you what, man, let's let's table this conversation. You know, I think that we we kind of set the tone, and

Becoming The Father You Needed

SPEAKER_02 20:25

and we probably we probably have to do three parts to be honest, because you know, I my rant took like 10 minutes uh uh of the show, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:33

So so so I owe the audience 10 uh you know I owe them 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Hey, I'm saying, you know, you gotta make up for two pods now. Like they they miss, they missed you. So get you gotta get true though.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Hey, that's true. Just letting you know, man. Hey, I keep them in the chamber, right? You know, so just know that uh anytime I unload you you don't know what's gonna what kind of shrapnel gonna land everywhere, man. So uh yeah, so I'll tell you what, Jay Ben, let's uh let's let's table this and and do a part two. Uh, you know, again, uh we're talking about you know what it means to be a father, uh, what it means to be a son, you know, grandfather, you know, grandson, all these type of things. And and we want this to fall on good ground, right? So we're we're not comparing Mother's Day, we're not comparing uh uh what a mother's duty is versus a father, but we we want to be able to give you some insight that typically your man or your brother or your son who's a who's a parent uh or your father, you know, may not have been able to articulate just because this is a father and son conversation. This is you know what I mean, and so you know, just just having access is is our ultimate goal, and that's why we put this platform together. Pops and son conversations. You already know how we get down, and so uh look, Jay, we won't see him in the next episode. Pops and son conversation. It's your favorite silver fox Rob Malloy.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Hey, check three times, check it out.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

Hey, men's health month. Let's go! Let's get it.