The Rosie and Roula Show

243: Mental Rest vs Physical Rest: Why Are We Always Tired?

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 14:47

What does it really mean to feel rested?

In Episode 243 of The Rosie & Roula Show, Rosie and Roula explore the difference between physical rest, mental rest, and emotional recovery. Rosie opens the conversation by sharing her long-term struggle with fatigue and the confusing experience of taking time off or sleeping — yet still feeling exhausted.

Together they question common advice like “just rest” or “take a day off” and ask whether doing nothing actually restores energy.

Roula shares a recent experience with hydro massage, breathwork, and guided relaxation, which left her feeling rested for two full days. The conversation then shifts to the deeper question of what true rest actually feels like, and whether activities like hiking, being in nature, or doing something joyful may restore us more than simply lying down.

The episode also explores how mental overload, busy thoughts, and daily pressures prevent many people from truly resting — even when they stop working.

Topics discussed

• Mental rest vs physical rest

• Chronic fatigue and feeling tired all the time

• Why doing nothing doesn’t always feel restful

• Breathwork and relaxation techniques

• Hydro massage and nervous system recovery

• Nature, hiking and restorative activities

• The connection between joy and feeling rested

Key takeaway

Rest is not always about doing nothing.

Sometimes joy, movement, fresh air, and calming the mind are what truly restore our energy.

🎧 Listen to The Rosie & Roula Show – Episode 243

Available wherever you listen to podcasts.

🌐 RosieandRoula.com

--------------------

--------------------

--------------------

Rosie (00:01)
question for you Roula

This is something that I often consider, especially lately, because I have always struggled with being very fatigued, very tired. I regularly fall asleep driving and I've had to learn how to manage that and pull over and, know, like it's a big thing for me. And often most days I'll have a nap and da da. But I still feel tired. And so I want to talk about rest.

and what rest looks like. Because having a day where you do nothing, I've had many of those, I don't think is always restful.

Like what does rest mean to you? People say, take the day off. You just need some time, have some rest. But is that really what we need? Like when I take the day off or when I have a sleep, I don't feel rested. And it occurred to me, well, maybe I need to find something else that makes me feel rested.

Roula (01:15)
Are we talking about physical rest, mental rest or just rested in both? Both. Yes. I could take a day off, but my nervous system is all over the place. Then I won't be resting.

Rosie (01:18)
I just meant rested in general. Both. Let's say both. Yeah.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Roula (01:33)
I can take a day off and worry about what's coming tomorrow, then I won't be resting. I can go on vacation and have activities day and night, then I won't be resting.

Rosie (01:37)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (01:49)
At my age now, at 52, I think my code for resting is much about mental rest, fresh air.

Rosie (01:51)
Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Roula (02:06)
and good night's sleep. Unfortunately, I almost never have good night's sleep because of the condition I have in my hand.

Which means, Rosie, I'm also tired during the day.

⁓ And I think, okay, I need to rest today, so what am I going to do?

Rosie (02:31)
Do you have the answer? Yeah.

Roula (02:32)
I rest in the morning and

then I cook and clean the kitchen, then I'm like, fuck it, I'm exhausted again. I didn't rest.

Rosie (02:39)
Yeah.

⁓

Roula (02:43)
Is rest for

me that no one would come and talk to me, leave me alone? I don't have the brain capacity? I don't know.

Rosie (02:52)
Yeah, I was hoping you'd have the answer because I'm really struggling with it. And I've been thinking about it. And then a couple of days ago, because we did the episode about when people say I'm busy and you messaged me sort of tongue in cheek asking, am I busy or overwhelmed? And I said, I've got busy thoughts. And I went, yeah, actually, that's something I have a lot. And so I think I don't know if this is common.

I a feeling it might be. I find it very easy to physically rest, but to mentally rest. I don't know. How do I do that?

Roula (03:33)
For me, they're intertwined because when I'm mentally tired, I have tension in my neck and my shoulders. I probably will have a migraine. My whole body is tired. So for me, resting is... I did something that made me feel rested for the first time in ages, and I'm going to do it today again. So what I... Okay.

Rosie (03:42)
True.

It's hard.

Mm.

Roula (03:56)
They say go and have a massage and you will be rested. I tried that. I went, I had massages, but then after I left, I was like, yeah, my head is busy. I feel so stressed again. Doing I had deadlines. I'm going home. The children are there and I know I have to cope with this. Some things are going on. So my massage was just useless. You know,

Rosie (03:56)
Yeah, tell me.

Right, yeah, you didn't feel

rested at all. Yeah.

Roula (04:25)
at the same time is that what is resting not face life no it is part of life but how do we do it so the other day i did something called hydro massage and brain massage okay the hydro massage it's a it's like a water bed and it has a machine in it so you lay down and then you have the red light this is the big red

Rosie (04:39)
Okay.

Yeah.

Roula (04:53)
therapy light that gives you the feeling of the sun. And the bed is turned on and then it massaged me from my neck to my heels in the back and it was very hard. Like it's just like a dough. I'm a dough and these are the hands. When I finished, I couldn't believe what happened to me. My body felt so light. All the tension was gone. And then from there, I immediately went to another room.

Rosie (04:54)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Wow.

Yeah.

Roula (05:21)
with another kind of bed that makes movement. And the door was shut and I had guided breathing exercise and then some kind of music, binaural beats, et cetera, where the bed I'm laying on started moving. I couldn't fall asleep because I did it in the morning, After I finished,

Rosie (05:34)
Yeah.

Roula (05:44)
I felt rested for two full days.

Rosie (05:48)
Wow.

Roula (05:51)
I couldn't believe it. what just happened? That was true. It made me rest. But am I going to go and do this every time I'm tired? No, I had this experience and it was great. I would do it definitely again. I mean, I'm going today again. But I don't think this answers your question, Rosie, because you're tired every day and you're wondering what's going on. Did you do a blood test?

Rosie (06:03)
Mmm.

Roula (06:15)
to see if your vitamins or minerals

Rosie (06:15)
I've done lots of blood tests. So I

more than what's going on. Cause that this has been a thing for years. Maybe one day I'll figure it out, but.

Just how do I get that rest? And as you were talking, I was thinking, what does it mean to be rested? What is it, like, what did it, when you said you were rested for like two days afterwards, what did that feel like? What is rested? I'm not sure I know.

Roula (06:42)
Okay, that's

a great question. The pain I have in my body, the tension in my neck, tension in my shoulders, the pain in my arms, they disappeared for two days. So my body felt very light, very light. And I kept reminding myself of the breathing exercise. I really feel, if I can recommend something, it's breathing, the breath work. Really.

Rosie (06:55)
Mmm. Mmm.

Here we go again.

Roula (07:12)
You underestimat it, but I do it before I sleep. I do it when I'm in the car. I do it when every day I stop and do my breath work. It's just because it helped me rest.

Rosie (07:16)
Mm.

Maybe it's about finding something else to focus on, like when you're doing your breath work.

You meant to clear your mind, right? You're not focusing on all the busy thoughts. You're breathing and all you're focusing on in that moment is the breathing. That's it.

Roula (07:43)
Well, when you are doing the breathing exercise and you're counting, you are naturally not thinking of anything else.

Rosie (07:51)
Right.

And I guess when you're having the massage and all the other things, the experience is so, so full and strong that you, you're just going, that's a really hard massage, but wow, that actually feels really good. You're not thinking about all the other stresses of life. So maybe it is that distraction or just that shift of focus for a little bit. Maybe.

Roula (08:10)
Yeah.

And you

know why I like this hydro massage? Because it wasn't a person giving me the massage. I felt truly completely alone unbothered

And that also played something in giving me rest. I felt this completely isolated from everything around me. No hands are touching me, no aura next to me. It's just me on this water bed. And that made me rest.

Rosie (08:51)
Maybe I'll try it one day. want listeners, I want you to let us know what do you do to feel rested? Is it about doing something? Maybe it is. I've always just thought, yeah, do nothing. Have a sleep. Do do this. But actually that's not working for me. And I'm really excited, Roula, about going on a hike tomorrow. I haven't been on one in a long time, but going on hikes, being in nature was one of the big reasons why I wanted to be in the van.

I wanted to do more of that and I haven't really done a lot of that. So it's been a long time since I've done a hike and I'm really excited for it.

Roula (09:26)
Because dear listeners,

it's been a long time Rosie working to fix her van. So please understand that.

Rosie (09:30)
This is yes. Yes.

But I'm thinking actually maybe even though it's a 10 kilometer hike, I almost feel like I'm going to be rested after that. I'm physically I'm going to be sore. Right. So.

Roula (09:46)
You might even sleep better!

Rosie (09:51)
How the hell does that work? I'm just, I'm so confused by this topic, Roula. I don't really have an answer or anything specific to say, but it's just something I've been processing. Maybe rest can involve doing something rather than nothing. For me.

Roula (10:10)
Yeah, could

be. When we have been tired and overwhelmed and doing so many things for so many days around the clock, one day not doing nothing is not resting. The first day by doing nothing is having your body and your brain remembers that it's okay not to be busy, that it's okay not to be

Rosie (10:22)
No.

Roula (10:32)
doing and meeting expectations, answering appointments, phone calls, et cetera. So one day is not enough to rest. The next day, you will start thinking, ⁓ I'm having my tea in the morning and I'm not rushing for anything. Yeah, I'm starting to feel to calm down. We need more of these days where we start to feel to calm down. And it doesn't mean take a holiday every two months.

Rosie (10:35)
Right.

Hmm.

Roula (11:02)
for four days. Holidays are exhausting, honestly. I don't rest when I go on holiday. Like, me time, I do things you love. Sometimes meeting with people, having a laugh, I don't know, doing karaoke, coming back home and feeling satisfied, it makes the resting feeling grow because joy make us feel rested.

Rosie (11:06)
yeah. I get back in, I need a holiday from my holiday. Yeah.

Mmm.

Joy makes us feel rested. my god, you might have just given the best definition I've heard. Joy makes us feel rested. I like that.

Roula (11:32)
Joy.

Yes.

Try it and follow me.

Rosie (11:48)
Try it.

I'm going to remember that joy makes us feel rested. And maybe that's why I have this feeling that tomorrow is going to make me feel rested because being out in nature brings me joy.

Roula (12:06)
Yeah, Taking a nap makes me, when I wake up, I'm even more tired and I need another hour to get back on track.

Rosie (12:13)
⁓

I could, I can sleep all day. I sleep and sleep and sleep. And it ties into this whole other thing. There's rest, but then there's this thought of when you do nothing, you're being lazy or is it you getting rest or what is it? Like there's, there's just so many nuances to this, but yeah, I want to feel more rested. I have plenty of days doing nothing. I will. Yes. I will report back.

Roula (12:35)
Let me know after tomorrow.

Let's do a follow up next week with your update. How did you feel after your hike?

Rosie (12:45)
All right, we've got to remember, mental note.

Roula (12:47)
Yes, my dear listeners, it's really helpful for us that you are listening, that you arrived till the end of this episode. We appreciate it. If you can share it, if you tell people about it, you know, growth of a podcast is through word of mouth. And maybe you like to leave us a review, ask us your question. We would love to answer it and buy us a coffee.

Rosie (13:06)
Yeah.

Yes, yes.

Roula (13:16)
It gives us a little bit of support to keep us motivated and know there was, you know, giving us a message or buying us a cup of coffee tells us you are there and we are doing this for you.

Rosie (13:30)
Yes. And speaking, speaking of messages, did you know whoops, I just hit mute. Speaking of messages, did you know your son sent us in a voice message? Did you know that? Yes. Let's so next episode. Let's go. Okay. Bye.

Roula (13:44)
⁓ Let's move. Come on, come on. Let's go to the next episode. Take it with us. Bye.