The Rosie and Roula Show

247: Post-Argument Productivity - Why Fights Make You Get Stuff Done

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 8:26

Ever had a fight and suddenly felt like cleaning the entire house?

In this episode, Roula shares what she calls “tragically funny” behaviour: after an argument with her partner, she becomes wildly productive. We’re talking deep cleaning, washing, gardening… all the things that have been sitting on the to-do list for weeks.

Rosie relates in a different way, using physical movement like walking or getting out of the house to burn off the emotional energy. Together, they unpack what’s really going on in those post-argument moments.

Is it anger? Adrenaline? Avoidance? Or just a socially acceptable way to channel frustration?

Roula even admits her slightly unhinged (but very honest) confession: part of her sometimes wishes for an argument… just to get things done.

This episode dives into how we process conflict, the different ways we release emotional tension, and why arguments might accidentally turn us into our most productive selves.

Topics covered

  • Why arguments can trigger sudden bursts of energy
  • Cleaning, walking and physical outlets for emotional release
  • Avoidance vs productive coping
  • How different people process conflict
  • The link between adrenaline and productivity
  • That slightly chaotic urge to “rage clean”
  • Wanting a fight… just to get your life together

What do you do after an argument — shut down, talk it out, or suddenly become the most productive version of yourself?

--------------------

--------------------

--------------------

Roula (00:00)
This

is, I think it's funny. It's tragically funny. Okay.

Rosie (00:04)
okay. I don't know where this is

going.

Roula (00:08)
question I don't know how am I gonna formulate it. Do you experience when you were in a relationship have you experienced that the most productive time is after you had an argument with your partner?

Rosie (00:26)
I need you to expand on that. I'm not sure what you mean.

Roula (00:40)
Okay, to expand, I'm going to give an example. Okay. So after I have an argument with my partner, and if we're having an argument and we need time to, to calm down, I have the energy to clean the windows, change the beds, do the entire wash, even work in the garden. I have this energy that I do all the tasks that I've been postponing for weeks.

Rosie (00:42)
Okay, yes.

Yeah.

True.

And for me, it's usually like the manual labor, the physical things. I need to get the energy and the anger out. Like, fuck you, I'm going to fucking scrub the toilet and clean the kitchen and go in the garden.

Roula (01:12)
The manual labor,

Yeah.

I don't even do it angrily. I do it like, wow, that's cool.

Rosie (01:29)
Interesting, ⁓

I feel like it's been a while since I've been in a relationship and had an argument. So I'm like having to think back. ⁓ Yeah, no, often I'm, I need to cool down. Like I've got all this energy and yeah, I need to do something physical. I'm not going to sit down and read a book or do that assignment I've been avoiding or something like that. But yeah, I suppose that can be productive. Yeah.

Roula (01:57)
Yes.

I was hoping you were like, can you give me more experiences of yours? Because I want feedback. I want to know how often someone, a couple, after their argument, they become productive and catch on all the tasks they've been slacking on.

Rosie (02:15)
I

I don't know if I'd call it productive because I'm in a state where I'm angry with the other person. You know, it hasn't been resolved yet. So, yeah, I don't know. Productive? Yeah, maybe. Go out and mow the lawn. Do some boxing.

Roula (02:36)
Okay, so if when you had an argument, do you remember what you did afterwards when it's not resolved? Did you go for a walk or you said angry?

Rosie (02:46)
Yeah, I needed space.

I'd need to go somewhere else because, yeah, I just do not want to be around them until we're in a space to be able to actually talk through it and resolve it. Otherwise, it's just shouting and not being productive, hurting one another, you know, with our words.

Roula (03:04)
Yeah. And when you

go, is there like a certain routine you do? Do you listen to music? Do you just walk with thoughts in your head? ⁓

Rosie (03:14)
Yeah, probably thoughts

in my head or I might talk to a friend.

Roula (03:17)
running in my hand, running in my hand. All the things you said.

Rosie (03:20)
said all the things she said running through my head.

Roula (03:25)
This is not enough. I think this is what she sings.

Rosie (03:27)
⁓

Yeah who sings that?

Who thinks that?

Roula (03:37)
I don't know.

Rosie (03:39)
going to annoy me. Why has evanescence popped in my head? I don't

Roula (03:40)
Maybe it's like a one day fly.

Rosie (03:42)
I need to look it up. the thing she said. Okay, yeah, this is annoying me. Someone's gonna be listening and know the name of the song.

Roula (03:44)
Okay, look it up.

I know

the name, yes, and while we're still...

Rosie (03:51)
I think she

said.

Tattoo. Yeah, I feel like that was a bit of a one hit wonder, wasn't it?

Roula (03:54)
Tattoo!

Yeah. you. OK, the right English is one hits wonder, but the wrong English is a one day fly.

Rosie (03:59)
I can't even think of another song they sing.

Yes! I knew what you meant though.

I knew what you meant.

Roula (04:12)
I reinvented the language guys. I just snored.

Rosie (04:18)
That's a sign you're having a good chuckle.

Roula (04:24)
Yes. Okay. What was the topic back to the topic? We're so, so good. Yeah.

Rosie (04:28)
you being productive after you have a fight. So what sort

of things or when you're sort of in the middle of it, what sort of things do you do? Could it be anything, even relaxing tasks? Okay, after but it's not resolved. Yeah.

Roula (04:36)
In the middle of it or after the fight, the argument?

really truly for me? The house, house, the house chores. This what makes me get my energy out. Yeah. I start cleaning. Really cleaning like deep cleaning. After and here's the funny thought. After I finished the deep cleaning, I feel grateful because if we didn't argue,

Rosie (04:48)
Yeah, that's what you do.

And do you feel better after you've... ⁓

therapeutic.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (05:10)
I wouldn't have get stuck on all of this.

Rosie (05:17)
It's so funny!

Roula (05:19)
But sometimes, sometimes, in my little deep dark secret, I wish we have an argument so I can catch up on the stuff that I've been slacking on.

Rosie (05:21)
⁓

my gosh.

I'm speechless. That's your confession.

Roula (05:32)
This is my confession. Confession.

I could wake not in day. Okay, I don't know what I have to do with this song. I send it to you. It's the army of lovers. The name is army of lovers.

Rosie (05:40)
even know that song.

Okay. Oh, okay.

You know what I used to do as a teenager when I'd have a big argument with mom and dad, which used to happen a fair bit. I'm a fiery person and very opinionated is I would storm out of the house and I'd go for a walk. I'd just walk and walk and walk and walk like for an hour and a half. And I'd come back and I'd be a lot calmer and ready to just sort it I just had to get

Roula (06:03)
Wow.

Huh, that's funny. I was very scared of my dad. So I don't think I ever dared starting an argument. It was terrifying. I was scared. And when I used to have an argument with my mom, my mom was so sweet. Yes, we had arguments, ⁓ but it never really... I'm the one who escalated the arguments, of course, because she wasn't...

Rosie (06:15)
Yeah true.

Mmm.

rights. Yeah.

Roula (06:37)
someone who like to have big arguments. What did I do? I can't remember. I used to smoke back then when I was a teenager. So I'm sure I would go out and smoke like half a pack of cigarettes. ⁓ No, I'm clean. I don't want to be pretentious also. Of course I'm not clean, but clean from smoke and alcohol.

Rosie (06:40)
Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Yeah.

I'm glad you don't do that anymore. You're just clean. What a middle-aged thing to do. Yeah.

Roula (07:07)
okay, I mean, that's the episode for today. We really

want to know your opinion. Share with us. What do you do after an argument? Do you feel like you're going to catch up on all the tasks you've been missing? It's an opportunity, I think. Thank you for listening. Yeah, bye.

Rosie (07:24)
Roula wishes it would happen more. Bye!