Episode 56: “I Wanted to Die an Alcoholic Death” with Sarah

This week, we sit down with Sarah — who will celebrate five years sober this March — and whose story is a powerful reminder that sometimes it’s not the hundredth attempt that saves us… it’s the first honest one.
Sarah had collected plenty of 30-, 60-, and 90-day chips over the years — but none of them were real. She wasn’t staying sober, she was just resetting the clock. Then, something changed. When she finally made it to an honest 90 days, it “just stuck” — and it became the foundation for the life she’s living today.
Her drinking began at USC, where she even circled a concern about alcohol on a medical form. That simple moment led to conversations about therapy, psychiatry, and the rooms — but at the time, Sarah wasn’t looking for help. She openly admits she wanted to die an alcoholic death. That sounded easier than living.
Before getting sober, Sarah was living in a Motel 6, bouncing between chaos and isolation. She ended up moving in with a man 26 years older than her — someone she’d met in the rooms — who was sober himself. But living there came with no consequences. She could relapse freely, and she did. Eventually, she realized she needed accountability to survive, so she moved in with a woman in recovery — a decision she now says saved her life. She lived with her for three and a half years while working her get-well job at Home Depot and slowly learning how to be a person again.
Sarah shares what it was like to experience feelings for the first time in sobriety — including having a crush on a coworker — and how strange, vulnerable, and terrifying it was to navigate emotions without numbing them.
Her alcoholism took her to brutal physical and emotional lows. She had multiple DUIs, a medical hold on her license, pancreatitis, and hospital stays so frequent they became routine. She’d text her mom, “I’m going into the hospital today,” and her mom would reply, “Okay sweetie, see you in five days.” With no car, she rode a bike everywhere — eventually upgrading to an e-bike — even pedaling through the rain to her corporate job, determined to keep showing up.
In her twenties, Sarah had no friends — not one. She got sober at 31 and was suddenly surrounded by people who cared about her, showed up for her, and loved her. On her first sober birthday, more than 100 people came to celebrate her — something she never imagined would be possible.
Sarah’s episode is about loneliness turning into belonging, fake recovery becoming real, and how a single honest 90 days can change everything.
It’s a story of grit, grace, and the miracle that happens when you finally stop running — and stay. 💛