Episode 61: Learning to Let Go- Sobriety, Control, and Starting Over with Cody

This week, we sit down with Cody, who has six and a half years sober and is navigating one of the most challenging seasons of his recovery — going through a divorce from his husband.

Cody’s story begins long before sobriety stuck. He knew he had a problem as early as high school, and at 19, he attended his first AA meeting after a friend invited him. It was in a garage, filled with smoke, and when newcomers were asked to share, Cody felt overwhelmed. He broke down crying, admitting he was terrified of ruining his life. But despite that moment of honesty, he wasn’t ready. Soon after, he moved to San Francisco, where his addiction escalated and he spent years avoiding recovery altogether.

It wasn’t until six years later that Cody returned to a meeting — this time meeting Jimmy, and for the first time, showing up for himself. Even then, the shift didn’t come easily. Watching people laugh in the rooms, he assumed they must be high, while he himself was still using edibles. When his sponsor encouraged him to take a newcomer chip, it triggered something in him, and he walked away from sobriety again — leading to another year of using.

That year became one of the darkest periods of his life. Cody describes feeling completely alone, confronting what his future could look like if nothing changed. In a moment of surrender, he stopped fighting it — fully leaning into his addiction before finally reaching a breaking point. He called his parents and admitted the truth: he was a full-blown alcoholic.

From there, Cody entered treatment, beginning a new chapter that would ultimately reshape his life. He shares vivid memories from that time, including creating an alter ego — complete with a wig — out of fear of being recognized by people in AA while he was still going out to clubs. Beneath the humor of those moments was a deep fear of being seen.

While in treatment, a therapist recognized something in Cody that he hadn’t fully seen in himself — suggesting he consider becoming a therapist. That moment planted a seed, ultimately guiding him toward the work he does today and offering a powerful lens through which he understands both himself and others.

In this episode, Cody opens up about his patterns in relationships — especially his tendency to rely on others for stability and his desire to control and shape his partners. Through therapy and Al-Anon, he’s begun to unpack those patterns, learning to shift the focus inward and take responsibility for his own growth.

He also shares about recently getting an Al-Anon sponsor and the profound connection he feels with them — recognizing a sense of peace and relief that he deeply wants for himself. Through his grand-sponsor, he’s learning an important distinction: while AA is a program of giving back, Al-Anon asks something different — to turn inward, to focus on self-care, boundaries, and rediscovering personal interests and identity.

This conversation dives deep into the principles of Al-Anon and the often-overlooked work of learning to sit with yourself. Cody’s story is one of honesty, self-awareness, and transformation — showing that sobriety isn’t just about stopping substances, but about unlearning patterns, facing yourself, and continuing to grow through life’s hardest moments.