Swiping, Scrolling, and Surviving: The Digital Dating Dilemma

We explore the complex world of online dating through our unique hustler and healer perspectives, comparing digital connections with traditional in-person dating while sharing personal experiences and practical advice.

• The fundamental differences between meeting someone online versus in person
• How "doom scrolling" and constant notifications can distract from work and personal life
• Setting clear boundaries and communicating intentions early in dating relationships
• Identifying red and green flags in dating profiles and conversations
• Navigating challenges like ghosting, fake profiles, and safety concerns
• Practical safety tools and resources for protecting yourself while dating online
• Why being authentic matters more than perfectly crafted messages

Share your funniest, most awkward dating app moments using the hashtag #SwipeRightWithHustleAndHeal on Instagram and TikTok.

Connect With Us:

Host Styles – @stylesc_bk

Host Blessed Jess – @blsdjess

Follow Hustle and Heal on:

Instagram | Twitter | YouTube | TikTok – @hustlenheal

Email: 

Hustlenheal718@gmail.com

Podcast Intro:

Uncle Dolomite - IG | @uncledolemite

Podcast Outro:

Barbie - IG | @let_me_touch_you

New episodes drop biweekly. Healing and hustling go hand-in-hand—Every. Damn. Day.

Transcript

Welcome to Hustle Heal

Uncle Dolemite 0:01

In dealing with daily life, we come across two types of people who seek to change lives Hustlers, who are about making it in life no matter what, and the healers, who dedicate their time and energy to helping the collective. These are their representatives.

Styles 0:16

I know what you thought you was going to hear.

Blsd Jess 0:18

But this ain't that when the grind meets growth this is Hustle Heal, all right Deal.

Styles 0:29

Microphone check Microphone check Checker All right Ready.

Blsd Jess 0:35

Yes, yes, it's out of my system now.

Styles 0:38

I'm done being goofy.

Blsd Jess 0:39

No more war we all, whatever we good.

Styles 0:42

All right, cool, we good, let's go. So listen, I'm here with my bestie, my sis. Bless Jess, you remember her from that Live happy hour. Live happy hour, brunch hour. Yes, ma'am, all of that. Welcome to our first episode of Hustle Heal, where we talk about everything. That's a lie. We don't talk about everything. We talk about hustling from an urban perspective and healing from an urban perspective. However, I'm not a professional at this. She is Alright, so she gets paid to heal people.

Blsd Jess 1:21

She doesn't necessarily put hands on them. He's a professional hustler, so we ain't gonna shortchange that either. He's a professional hustler, so we ain't going to shortchange that either. So we got the hustler, we got the healer.

Styles 1:27

They're going to be like where the money at? I'm like still working on that it's the hustle.

Blsd Jess 1:32

That's the hustle part.

Styles 1:33

So the genius behind this is this I don't have the bread right, but we are going to share ideas and figure out how to get to the bag, Not the imaginary bag, but a bag that you know, I guess the community contributed to, as opposed to you know, I'm on here flashing, cat flashing, use your words. Stass the hottie totty. He's blaming me. Nah, it is, it is. It is. I'm starting to slow down too, when we out here just getting money together. So, whether it's stocks, whether it's print on demand, whether it's babysitting, I don't give a fuck what it is. Our goal here is to share the ideas and help us get to a bag. It's not just helping you or helping me get to a bag, it's helping us get to a bag. So let's do it, Go ahead.

Blsd Jess 2:24

Let me also say I'm going to add on to that. All right, go ahead. So everything we do should not just be financially based. How I'm going to come with it, I want to help y'all maintain your energy and your sense of stability, your time. The bag is a lot of things combined for you to be able to sustain it too. So, like the bag is a lot of things combined for you to be able to sustain it too, so it's one thing to get it.

Styles 2:50

I'm gonna be the one to try to help you keep it so.

Blsd Jess 2:51

Oh yeah, my toes hurt we gonna hustle in the hill like that's how we gonna now I mean, that's how we gonna sustain this thing, that's how we gonna keep it, keep it thing.

Barbie 3:04

That's how we're going to keep it circulating, Because it's one thing to get it but what's the thing?

Blsd Jess 3:08

they tell you to stay up. It's easy to get up, but it's hard to stay there.

Styles 3:11

Pause. A bunch of pauses in that one.

Blsd Jess 3:13

We're just going to leave it there.

Styles 3:15

What the fuck are you talking?

Dating Mishaps and Red Flags

Blsd Jess 3:16

about? We're probably talking about pausing this month?

Styles 3:19

We probably are. You want to get up? Stay hard, maintain consistency. What the fuck are we talking about right now?

Blsd Jess 3:28

So first thing we're talking about, I'm going to take this one. I was happily married and this ain't got nothing to do with me. So a recent dating mishap right so recently for the Tyson fight what's the white man he fought? I don't know.

Styles 3:43

I don't know.

Blsd Jess 3:43

Right.

Barbie 3:44

So right so.

Blsd Jess 3:45

Tyson was fighting the most important person in this fight. So I got asked on a date. I met this guy on Facebook dating and our first date was to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and watch the fight. I wasn't really caring about where we went, I ain't one of them but it was just a chance to get to know him in a public place. So got out there and a lot of people that know me y'all know I'm loud, I'm outspoken and this motherfucker was a little bit more extra than me and it was very unattractive to me.

Blsd Jess 4:15

As physically attractive as he was, as much as he had going for himself, it was just not my cup of tea. He was not my cup of tea and was not my cup of tea. And it was a turn off that he was so belligerent and so extra and I don't like when men are extra in any type of way. Not that y'all gotta be conservative all the time, but I could tell that was his normal when he's out in public or sipping or drinking. I just was turned off by it. And when he dropped me off home he was very gentlemanly, he was very chivalrous, opened. I just was turned off by it. And when he dropped me off home. He was very gentlemanly, he was very chivalrous, opened my door, walked me to the house and all of that. That motherfucker never heard from me again. So let me ask you a question real quick.

Styles 4:54

Yes, what the fuck was he wearing? He had on the.

Blsd Jess 5:01

Oh no, he was fly.

Styles 5:02

Oh, so he didn't have the denim spandex on.

Blsd Jess 5:05

No, what the fuck is that? Who you seen that on?

Styles 5:07

The skinny jeans?

Blsd Jess 5:08

No, Alright, I'm just checking Like from outside looking in this motherfucker was fine, he had money, nice car, good job.

Styles 5:16

Why did we mention money? That's his money.

Blsd Jess 5:19

Right, but don't nobody want to go out with no broke? Why Don't nobody want to go out with no broke? Why? Broke Broke because there's a possibility that it's going to affect my money.

Styles 5:26

I was about to say that, yeah, so he invited you out, obviously.

Blsd Jess 5:30

Yeah, okay so.

Styles 5:32

She said it's going to affect my money.

Blsd Jess 5:34

We can't have that. I'm a mother of two.

Barbie 5:38

So it can't affect my money.

Blsd Jess 5:39

But I just felt like it didn't really give me a sense of hope going forward Like that was probably like one of many guys that I just entertained or just was going to show interest in. But after that date it was like Did you block him?

Blsd Jess 5:54

Hey, I have a contact in my phone. It's called Shoulda Coulda Wouldas and when you don't make it you get placed in that contact. That's the forever bench. It's the forever bench Got you and it's blocked automatically. That contact is blocked, so when you add a number to it, you are automatically blocked.

Barbie 6:13

Let me see.

Blsd Jess 6:16

Hey, look, don't go. Hey look, don't be having motherfuckers in my DMs like bitch. That's why you ain't picking my phone. Call up. Yes, mr Nigga.

Styles 6:24

Mr Nigga, mr Nigga.

Blsd Jess 6:25

Jesus Christ, let me see.

Styles 6:27

Two, four, six Yo, if you seen these names these names shoulda, coulda, woulda is actually a better name than what they got.

Blsd Jess 6:35

Yeah, I don't be lying on them. But yeah, I don't want to waste time anymore and I feel like online dating is an easy way to do that for people. So, you go right to the bend.

Styles 6:50

Well, I mean, listen, I'm married, I'm in a lot of things right now, right here, with this, right here. It don't even come off. But how you call it, I think that's exactly what it is, I feel like, as far as, like men are concerned, in digital dating. I feel bad for y'all.

Barbie 7:12

I feel, bad for me too.

Styles 7:13

No, I'm not even talking about y'all, I'm talking about us. Men I feel bad for the dudes yeah. I feel bad for the dudes because in person it's like instant gratification. You understand what I'm saying. When we part ways, I understand where we stand. Okay, online it's a text thread that's going to.

Blsd Jess 7:32

It's going to take a text thread rather for me to figure it out With online dating, though y'all determine how long this text thread go.

Styles 7:39

No, we don't.

Blsd Jess 7:40

Yes, y'all do, because I feel like a lot of times women are waiting on y'all to make the first move, like motherfucker. Just say you want to go on a date.

Styles 7:47

Yo, y'all are so full of shit. Because what happens is I feel like y'all out here fishing for content.

Blsd Jess 7:53

Man, it ain't no. Y'all Don't come to me wasting my time. I ain't even on nothing, no more. I've deleted everything because that shit is just whatever, but whatever.

Blsd Jess 8:01

But um, I really feel like we're waiting on y'all to to be the pursuer, you know. I mean, it's like women. I don't think that's our natural role. I don't mind hollering at nobody, though, but for that to be the case all the time. Don't women want to always do that? We're waiting on men to hey, I think you're nice, I want to get to know you a little bit more. That's how we know you ain't playing like if you just in the dms you playing, and what are you doing to get to know you a little bit more? That's how we know you ain't playing Like if you just in the DMs you playing.

Styles 8:28

What are you doing to get out of it? Okay, but this is my thing, though, one you can't really determine if the person is weird that's a new term, right Weird.

Blsd Jess 8:35

You're just being weird. That shit is old and it's being brought back to the forefront, Is it though?

Styles 8:40

Weird n. I never use weird, though Maybe it's because it's being overused right now. I think it's just weird, weird and goofy Goofy. I can't stand coming out of a grown person's mouth. You know what I mean. The moment a grown person says goofy, I'm already like.

Blsd Jess 8:56

If the word is applicable, though, and you like.

Styles 8:58

Nah, that's shit. No, the shit still. What other words, what other synonym? What For goofy S?

Blsd Jess 9:01

what other synonym for goofy Silly who?

Styles 9:04

does that?

Barbie 9:06

And mature.

Styles 9:07

You gotta get out of the white lane and slide over to melanin.

Blsd Jess 9:10

Please give me a nigga word for goofy. I don't know. You said the nigga word yes for goofy, I don't know. Clown.

Styles 9:15

For goofy though.

Blsd Jess 9:17

That hurts your feelings. You see the impact of it. That's why we use it.

Barbie 9:20

No.

Blsd Jess 9:20

It's your goofy ass Like the G on. It is hard All right, it's your goofy ass.

Styles 9:27

All right, fuck it, since you put it that way.

Blsd Jess 9:29

It drives it home.

Styles 9:30

But I heard a lot of people with squeaky voices say goofy, and the shit makes my skin crawl.

Blsd Jess 9:33

Okay, that's different.

Styles 9:35

Say it.

Blsd Jess 9:35

I have a husky one, and that motherfucker drives it home. Your goofy ass.

Online vs. Traditional Dating

Styles 9:46

Like, don't ever do that again, alright, because I closed my eyes, I'm going to punch you in the face, so we got sipping.

Blsd Jess 9:50

I made us some tea, because we here up in the northeast and I flew in from the south and I'm trying to make sure that I don't take no, no, germs or nothing back home. So we sipping some hot toddy right now. So y'all bear with us, we're going to get through this. So just navigating safety concerns and authenticity. So nothing back home. So we sipping some hot toddy right now. So y'all bear with it, we're gonna get through this. So just navigating safety concerns and authenticity. So not giving out too much personal information up front.

Styles 10:12

Is that how you do it?

Blsd Jess 10:14

I mean sometimes you have to, not not, you ain't giving out your social, you ain't giving out the kids names and your mama and like it's certain shit that you you put out to get to know somebody, and they'll eventually, as they show interest, they'll ask questions, they'll show you that they kind of want to know, but just up front, putting it on your profile um, I don't even understand.

Styles 10:37

I wouldn't even know how to make a fucking profile. To be honest, it is crazy.

Blsd Jess 10:41

I'm happy for you. Yeah, stay.

Styles 10:43

Yeah, I'm the guy that's like on the line fucking Walmart or something like that and having a casual conversation and you know, feelings get involved, feeling.

Blsd Jess 10:54

But I I know that's coming, but I would rather meet somebody in person, just because you can get a vibe. Motherfuckers can fake whoever they want to be online about. Motherfuckers can fake whoever they want to be online. They can portray, perpetrate, punk, fake. They can do all that and I feel like that's why they stay in the DMs, because they know they can't convert it in person.

Styles 11:13

They know they can't. That's funny that you just turned this into sales Need it, need to convert it.

Blsd Jess 11:20

Look, I'm just saying you're just saying that you get the weird shit out the way you can tell if you like somebody's presence or not. If they breath right, you can look at their fingernails. From what? From a picture? No, from meeting somebody in person rather than online.

Styles 11:34

Yeah, 100% so you can kind of speak the vibe 100%, because it's a different type of vibe. Absolutely, you get what I'm saying With all these filters.

Blsd Jess 11:46

Y'all made that popular.

Styles 11:47

Snapchat made that popular.

Blsd Jess 11:48

Y'all made that popular Damn it chat. Gpt is popular right now.

Styles 11:51

Ain't nobody fucking going? It most certainly is.

Blsd Jess 11:53

And motherfuckers is using filters in your emails, and your mother. That's a filter too. God damn it. And your text. And that's a filter too. Goddammit, why y'all wearing that Shit? I think I called out of work the other day and your resumes? Yeah, I called out of work the other day and used ChatGBT and look block your employer from the motherfucking beat.

Styles 12:14

Hold that Damn what I won't be coming into that what?

Blsd Jess 12:18

Okay, so online dating is now the most common way people meet, but is it better than traditional dating? Absolutely not, I agree.

Styles 12:25

Absolutely not, absolutely not. In fact, it's making y'all a bunch of goofies and weirdos. That's what he's doing again. Go ahead. It's making y'all a bunch of.

Blsd Jess 12:34

Goofy ass.

Styles 12:36

Weirdos, you know what I mean, but people lie, in person too, they do.

Blsd Jess 12:39

But at least you get to get a vibe off a person when you're in their presence.

Styles 12:45

Exactly, not only the vibe, but there's a lot of different things. So if you're a professional liar, you will maintain eye contact, but if you don't know how to fucking lie, you won't have that fucking biggie eye. She's going to go this way. This other one's going to be right here, you know what I mean. And then he's going to pick up on it, pick up on it, pick up on it. Like that shit sound good, but that's not it.

Blsd Jess 13:04

You don't give me no more jokes to use outsiders. Nigga, nigga, Nigga.

Styles 13:08

Yeah, shit floating in the back of your head. Like nah this nigga lying, you are lying.

Blsd Jess 13:18

Why the fuck you lying? Okay so, but I really do believe people can be weird in person too, but at least you get to gauge it and make a decision right then, Like, I don't like this person 100%, but online motherfuckers are dragging on and then you've invested so much time that when you meet them, most people try to overlook it because it's like damn, I've been talking to this person a couple weeks a month, damn, and I like this conversation. Even on FaceTime, motherfucking can fake or whatever, and you meet them and the vibe is just not there.

Styles 13:47

Not only that, but I mean you can gauge whether you want to go on a date with this person, whether this person is socially awkward or not. You get what I'm saying. I could be texting you and I could be the illest poet on the planet. You be like, oh my god, gpt. Yeah, exactly that too. That too, like. This nigga is so fucking cool. He's amazing.

Blsd Jess 14:08

I want to be your mother, your brother, your sister, your cousin. I just want to love you, baby.

Barbie 14:12

Like a motherfucker.

Blsd Jess 14:14

Get that motherfucker, that nigga be a goofy ass, nigga. There we go, all right.

Barbie 14:18

Now get over with All right, I'm done. Okay, I'll.

Blsd Jess 14:28

A challenge that I wrote was scrolling can be a distraction like a motherfucker 100% Like a motherfucker.

Styles 14:35

They call it doom scrolling, doom scrolling yeah.

Blsd Jess 14:38

So if you at work and you supposed to be typing up reports that dinner but you get a little thing somebody liked your picture, somebody commented, somebody want to meet you like you're taken away from where your focus is really supposed to be. So if you don't really have a handle on how you manage social media, that might not be the right way. But there aren't a lot of.

Blsd Jess 14:59

I ain't seen nobody go to a speed dating in forever I have not seen that in a long time and I feel like maybe we need to get back to social setting Not even speed dating, but getting the fuck out the house and going out I was about to say, because I think that that's flawed too. Speed dating yeah, I've never been to one, the shit just looks.

Styles 15:20

Amazing.

Blsd Jess 15:21

No, it looks like a lot. Yeah, because I don't want to sit in no seat behind nobody's hot-ass booty, and we all got them Knock it off. You've taken public transportation before you have, just You've taken public transportation before you have Just say yes, a plane, all right, ain't?

Styles 15:38

nobody hot ass, but it's been able to air out.

Blsd Jess 15:40

You've never been on a bus To get to my airport.

Styles 15:43

Been on a bus To get to my rental car. Is that a yes, it's a shuttle. Is that a yes?

Blsd Jess 15:49

I've been on a shuttle, a shuttle's a what A way to get to my rental car.

Styles 15:56

Wheels on the bus go round and round.

Blsd Jess 15:58

But I feel like maybe, as far as I know I said scrolling at work, but it really could get in the way at home too, like when you're supposed to be paying attention to your kids or being attentive with a family matter or whatever, and you get distracted and you hyper-, hyper focus on doing that and does that really take away from, like, your confidence and your self-esteem that you're just sitting there waiting for somebody to like something or you waiting on a nigga to respond, like does that take away from you really being in the moment and missing out on shit I don't know.

Styles 16:29

Um, I think that there is. There is a balance whereby I think the older you get, right depending on when the whole digital age hits you, but the older you get, the more you can relax when you're sending out a text. You're not just waiting for that text to come back, right?

Blsd Jess 16:45

I agree.

Styles 16:46

Okay, here we go. Thank you, that's all I needed. Age and maturity too.

Blsd Jess 16:49

So some young people don't give a fuck about a phone it.

Styles 16:51

That's all I needed. Age and maturity too. So some young people don't give a fuck about a phone.

Blsd Jess 16:55

It's rare. It's rare, that's a fact. Some older people, that's all they like. I've seen older people just sit there and scroll sit and scroll.

Styles 17:00

So it's just me. But I got a little life hack though. If you are caught up in that whole digital thing and stuff like that, you ever your phone ever go off. You go to your phone and you're like, fuck, I ain't have to walk over here for that. Get a fucking watch. I promise you it'll save you a lot of time. That's true. I dub a lot of motherfuckers on my watch. Be like bing that or turn your notifications off. You can do that too.

Blsd Jess 17:29

Turn your notifications off. And have a designated time when you check it. Okay, I will check it myself. I don't want to be notified when somebody Cause that's distracting.

Styles 17:37

I get antsy though.

Blsd Jess 17:38

Why.

Styles 17:39

Because something might happen. You know what I mean. Like there might be an emergency I'm talking about on the app.

Blsd Jess 17:43

I'm not talking about on the phone.

Styles 17:44

Oh, got you.

Blsd Jess 17:44

On the dating app. So instead of you getting All these hinge notifications or back up whoever Like.

Barbie 17:50

turn that shit off. You thinking you more important than the fuck, you really are nigga.

Blsd Jess 17:55

No, turn that shit off and focus on the shit that's making your money. Focus on the shit that's bringing your kids joy and be in the moment Like check that shit when you get a chance. Don't be interrupted by it Okay. The convenience of dating apps. You get to meet people. But some of the challenges that you kind of thought about were like ghosting, fake profiles and safety concerns. Ghosting I really don't give a fuck about. I've been ghosted before.

Styles 18:22

Me too. It's the most hurtful shit on the planet. To be honest with you.

Blsd Jess 18:26

You know why it's hurtful to me.

Styles 18:27

Why.

Blsd Jess 18:28

Because I'm doper than a motherfucker and it's like who the fuck is you ghosting me for? Because them bitches like. But you know what I'm like, the trash takes itself out. So if y'all motherfuckers ever see me because a bitch is, I'm going somewhere, I'm going places.

Styles 18:46

Fucking Leo's ego is insane bro.

Blsd Jess 18:49

So I know how dope I am, I know what I provide, I know what type of woman I am. I know what I provide, I know what type of woman I am. So when a man goes to me without conversation, it's like I'm appreciative after I get over my ego being hurt. But fake profiles what does that even look like? What is that?

Styles 19:10

You know exactly what it looks like. First of all, the fake profile. Nine times out of ten is basically the grandma's off Right. So you already know the picture doesn't match the grandma. You understand what I'm saying. You know Right? I don't know. I think it's actually hilarious. Fake profile shit is basically when you're sneaking around trying to see what somebody else is doing, but you know that person. I don't give a fuck about the fake profiles like that for real.

Blsd Jess 19:38

Or profiles without a picture. I don't know why anybody would respond to anybody with a resume.

Styles 19:45

Nah. I think they stepped it up.

Blsd Jess 19:48

You think so?

Styles 19:48

Yeah, I think they stepped it up. I haven't seen too many of those Like. I see those, Like I'll get the DM right, It'll have a picture, but then once it sits there for about 10 minutes, that shit doesn't have a picture because it was shut down.

Blsd Jess 20:01

Okay.

Styles 20:03

Yeah, so I get that though. All right, you meet someone at the bar, Great conversation, but they don't have social media. Is it a red flag or a green flag?

Blsd Jess 20:11

I think it's a green flag. Honestly Word yeah.

Styles 20:16

Do you understand that social media came into play and basically took and replaced background checks? I could do my own for free. Wait, no, you need to have social media. This is 2025.

Blsd Jess 20:27

But if a person does not want to be in that realm, I respect the person's boundaries. Nah, Because why does everybody want to be in that realm? I respect the person's boundaries.

Styles 20:33

Nah, because, why does?

Blsd Jess 20:34

everybody have to be on Facebook.

Styles 20:37

Why does everybody have to be on Instagram? Let me explain something to you. Let's go. You go on a date, right, first of all, you're sharing your location with her period Hands down, right. But something happened. I don't have your location because you got you know I'm grown, okay. I don't have your location because you got you know I'm grown, okay, so I don't have your location. Something happened, but I knew who you were going out with because we had that conversation. Okay, I can't find this motherfucker.

Blsd Jess 21:01

I personally know people who do not. You know social.

Styles 21:05

Who are the weirdos?

Blsd Jess 21:07

I don't think they're weird. I think these motherfuckers got their life together in a way that they value traditional ways of doing things and those people are perfectly fine. They got good jobs, they have good relationships with people and they just off the motherfucking grid so basically you're saying it's a green flag, it's not a red flag.

Blsd Jess 21:25

To me, it's not a red one, because I respect the person's autonomy to do what they gonna do, but why do they have to have one? Why is that a necessity? Expect a person's autonomy to do what they're going to do, but why do they have to have one? Why is that a?

Styles 21:36

necessity. I mean, I have all kinds of shit, I know exactly. I feel like. I feel like alright. So as far as, like anybody out here has a hustle, okay, right, and I think that one of the main pillars is a social media platform for your hustle. I don't give a fuck what it is. You have a hustle like the nine to five shit. I respect it. I'm here for it. I'm not a corporate man like that. I don't wake up to make pepsi cola millions of dollars just so I can retire on the fucking beach all saggy and gray at 65 is not what I'm here for, okay. So I feel like now, especially in your wife how old are you? Okay, you're that big to be young, so listen, that's why you're not, yeah, so, with that being said, though, these people were actually I don't want to say that they weren't into it, but they crossed over into it Okay, right but they crossed over into it.

Styles 22:31

Okay, right, so my personal perspective is they got motherfucking. They got motherfucking social media. If they tell you they don't have social media, they lying. They lying like a motherfucker, like a motherfucker, damn, that's a red flag.

Styles 22:45

Especially if it's a dude, because there's so much shit to look at online. Whether you looking at ads, whether you looking at cars, whether you're looking at ads, whether you're looking at cars, whether you're looking at business opportunities, whether you're a tech head and you're just looking at tech shit, there's so much to look at. You have a social. It might not be your name or picture.

Blsd Jess 23:04

So are you including, like LinkedIn or other things, in social media too? Are you just talking about Facebook and Instagram?

Styles 23:09

That all falls under the umbrella of social media.

Blsd Jess 23:13

Well, I was just talking about Facebook and Instagram. That all falls under the umbrella of social media.

Styles 23:15

Well, I was just talking about Instagram and Facebook. So okay, oh, okay, You're swiping the new. Can I buy you a drink?

Blsd Jess 23:20

No, you got to ask Just because you swiped and we matched, that's all automatic. No, motherfucker, you got to ask. I got to like you back.

Styles 23:27

Yeah, you right, good point. Jesus Christ, I like you back.

Blsd Jess 23:31

I don't even like people buying me drinks at the bar. I went out with my little sister a couple weeks ago and a dyke bought me a drink Like no, I don't want everybody buying me a drink Yo this is the thing I think the niggas is missing out On With the swiping shit and sending drinks and shit Like young niggas is missing out.

Styles 23:48

I'm from the buy you a drink phase. I mean that whole shit. I'm from that. I feel you.

Blsd Jess 23:55

And ask me what your interests are, who you be with. Okay, I feel like that's an in-person type of question, though, is it? It does not automatically mean because you like me, that means you want to buy me a drink 100%.

Blsd Jess 24:12

That don't mean that You're going to have to be very articulate. You're going to have to use some big old words that you used to get out of 12th grade. You at least accumulated enough words in your 12 years of the lower academia to formulate a sentence to ask me can I buy you a drink and let me make an honest and well-informed decision. Whether I tell your ass no or yes, A me make an honest and well-informed decision. Whether I tell your ass no or yes, A swag does not automatically mean that Red flag green flag Loves dogs but hate kids.

Blsd Jess 24:42

Red flag.

Styles 24:43

Because you have kids, so that was stupid.

Blsd Jess 24:45

And I don't fuck with dogs. Yeah, basically, Because what the fuck you like a dog over a kid for? That motherfucker can't say shit. He shit everywhere. He shit. You got to walk that motherfucker rain, sleep and get the fuck out of here. Absolutely not.

Styles 24:57

Fuck you and the dog, all right, only here for fun, no drama.

Blsd Jess 25:03

I feel like that's a green flag, because he's being honest, is that a green Because he's honest. I appreciate when somebody just gives me the option to say you go over there and do that, then, brother man.

Barbie 25:16

You going?

Blsd Jess 25:16

over there and do that. I appreciate it.

Styles 25:19

All right, entrepreneur Jimrat62, because that matter.

Blsd Jess 25:25

It does Okay got it. We like a 6'2", so I'm totally.

Safety First and Dating Resources

Blsd Jess 25:32

I'm 5'5, we love a 6'2, so I feel like, in a way, me personally, I would think that's a green flag, because to me, he's putting it out there that if you are a discerning enough female, you'll know okay, this man is busy, he's focused, he's disciplined. If he's an entrepreneur, he's disciplined enough to start his own business. But that means this man is busy, he's focused, he has is. He's disciplined. If he's an entrepreneur, he's disciplined enough to start his own business. But that means this man is busy, he's not a bum. He probably will be texting you all the time, just on your phone, waiting like this man has shit to do. He's focused on his health, his body. You don't want no bum nigga, just out here doing whatever. I feel like it's a great thing okay, and he's tall, all right.

Styles 26:10

I wish that I could have more input in this conversation, but I told you Sure, let's go, I was murdered, all right. Yeah, all right. So listen, if you guys have any funny stories, we'd love to hear it. You know, drop them under the comments or DM us. Pardon, don't drop them under any comments, because I don't even read comments that are like a page long anyway. But drop it in the DM and we'll definitely get to it next episode or the episode whenever we discover that episode. Yeah, okay.

Blsd Jess 26:44

Okay, so real quick, so setting boundaries right.

Styles 26:47

Right.

Blsd Jess 26:47

So how to communicate your intentions early, whether online or in person. So I really feel like, before you even create a dating profile, figure out what the fuck you want. Do not just be up here just browsing wasting people's time and somebody a woman or a man this goes for both. They know what they want and they like you. They like your physical appearance, they like what you happen to write on your bio and then y'all start to talking and you fumbling and bumbling on the fucking. Make sure you know what you want. If you want to just be friends, you're looking for friends with benefits. You're looking for dating, casually dating, seriously, dating to marry, whatever that is. Figure that out. And if you don't know, just put that out there. I don't know what. I'm Just say that there's a lot of people out here wasting people's time when we got some, for sure, people that know what they want and they meet people that don't, and that's a frustrating place to be in you sound like you're trying to recoup something.

Blsd Jess 27:39

I ain't trying, I am okay, get the fuck out of here if you don't like to hear you, and how to identify people who are serious about relationships versus just looking. I feel like some people they'll say it. You'll show up with intentionality. You show interest. You ask questions to get to know a person. You ain't just waiting on somebody to ask you or cater to you. Ask questions if you're interested. Show up. If they're not missing or it's a certain amount of time passed and you're interested, check on them. Life might be lifing or they may have ghosted you, but you need to figure that out.

Styles 28:18

Listen. So we're going to wrap this up All right, Because we're going over right now. I want to give them some resources.

Barbie 28:24

Okay.

Styles 28:25

You know some things. I haven't necessarily used these things, but these things are popular, all right. So dating app recommendations All right. We have Hinge for meaningful connections. We have BLK catering for black singles Not singling us out, but you know, it is what it is. Coffee meets bagel I did. I do remember, rather, when they first launched coffee meets bagel and it's actually rather interesting. I was just interested in the story behind it from a business standpoint Um Bumble empowering women to make the first move. Now, I like that, would you? Why your face like that? Why your face like that? Huh?

Blsd Jess 29:03

Sorry, audience, I don't, because I'm already empowered to do it. I mean, I didn't know. That's what the purpose of the app was.

Styles 29:11

Well, what happens is there's a lot of women out there that don't think or feel comfortable enough making the first move.

Styles 29:23

So I think that the app is actually going to help them or should help them. Well, that's any app. Then how is that bumble different from anything else? I don't know, I haven't used it. All right me, neither. All right, so safety tools. We got some safety tools. Safety tools are important. All right, noon light, a real-time safety app for dates. All right, circle of six discrete sos app for emergencies.

Styles 29:37

And this shit is actually. I want to put like a star next to this. Right, because of the fact that one you've never met this person don't know this person. Right, your people don't know who this person is. You might be texting on or be on some bullshit where, like my, my business is my business. That shit, you understand what I'm saying. So nobody knows, right, you know, end up in a lake with your business. Anyway, those things are important. Please check them out. All right, let me see Books and podcasts for better dating, right? Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and I probably butchered that. A deep dive into love in the digital age. All right, attached by Amir Levine, understanding attachment styles and relationships. I actually did a podcast with Barb from Let Me Touch you podcast. Shout out to Barb yeah, and she made me read that book.

Blsd Jess 30:32

How was it?

Styles 30:33

Fire.

Blsd Jess 30:34

Really yeah, it was fire.

Styles 30:35

All right, let me put a stop. She had a whole season. Check out, let Me Touch you podcast, for that is fire. Alright, let me put a stop. She had a whole season. Check out, let Me Touch your Podcast for that. Alright. So you don't even have to go to the book. We actually broke down the book on the podcast, alright. The Dating Then Podcast Expert advice on dating with confidence Alright.

Blsd Jess 30:52

So, look, if y'all don't like buying books or if y'all are like Kindle readers, I'll give you my little go-to Go to oceanofpdfcom. You can get any book you want, any author, genre, year, and you can download it for free on PDF. So if you have a Kindle or you don't mind online reading, it's a good way to kind of get free books.

Styles 31:13

Yo, this is a house of cards. They're upstairs like jumping around. I swear to God, that wall just shook.

Blsd Jess 31:19

Did it.

Styles 31:19

Yeah, it did.

Blsd Jess 31:21

They up there trying to learn boots on the ground.

Barbie 31:24

Leave them alone. That's fucking crazy.

Blsd Jess 31:28

They are really going in so y'all can hear that cool, but y'all probably can't. But they are definitely doing the heel toe.

Styles 31:34

Yeah, they are For sure. Give me your takeaway for the episode.

Blsd Jess 31:43

I feel like give it a shot if you. If you want to date, what a shot. If you want to date, be open enough to give online dating a shot, but do it with intentionality, do it with some common sense and do it with some boundaries and some safety, um precautions in place, but, um, I feel like online dating is still trash though. But give it a shot though, but I have personally stepped away from it.

Styles 32:06

I mean shit.

Blsd Jess 32:07

Y'all give it a shot. I shot that motherfucker. Y'all give it y'all own shot. Shit is shot. But, be safe. If y'all gonna do it Like it works, for some people it doesn't. I feel like I'm more of a traditional in-person type of person. I like to talk. I'm a therapist Like me. Being in person, getting to read people, it's kind of like my little superpower. So y'all just do it and be intentional, don't waste nobody's time, but be safe about it and good luck.

Final Thoughts and Episode Wrap

Styles 32:38

Everything that she said. Yo, they all wilding upstairs.

Barbie 32:44

I don't know if y'all can hear that.

Styles 32:47

I don't know if they having sex or it's domestic abuse going on.

Blsd Jess 32:50

What are we doing?

Styles 32:52

Yeah, pretty much.

Blsd Jess 32:53

We ain't heard no screams, none.

Styles 32:56

Yeah, oh, my God, all right. So, yeah, no, pretty much what you say. Say if you out there, like, my biggest thing is just be safe. You know, I don't, I really don't. I can't weigh in on the outcome, whether you know, be it good or bad, I can't. Again, like I said, it's not. I could speak from experience, but my experience is back when it's dated when monstercom was taking resumes. Yo, that's crazy. Mapquest was a paper.

Blsd Jess 33:28

Ash Jeeves was the search engine, you understand.

Styles 33:31

AOL was on this. Yeah, there was no Uggs, it was Luggs.

Barbie 33:36

I did it.

Styles 33:36

People.

Blsd Jess 33:36

PC. What's up? My nigga been shut down For a while. That's a compliment, man. It's trash out here. Yo, what the Shit? Alright, so.

Styles 33:50

Hold on, Hold on. Hold on my fault Alright, so check it out. Follow Hustle Heal On IG and TikTok Alright. Share your Funniest, most awkward Dating app moments Using the hashtag Swipe right With Hustle Heal on IG and TikTok Alright. Share your funniest, most awkward dating app moments using the hashtag SwipeRightWithHustleAndHeal Alright. Subscribe rate and all that other good shit. I'm going to get this down. It's the first episode.

Blsd Jess 34:11

And it was bomb too. We killed it.

Styles 34:15

Yo, I'm going to catch y'all on the flip side.

Blsd Jess 34:16

I'm Bless Jess Stiles you out of here.

Barbie 34:21

That's a wrap on another episode of Hustle Heal, where real talk meets real transformation. If today's convo hit home, inspired a shift or just made you feel seen, do us a solid Subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Stay locked in with the movement and follow us at Hustling Heal on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube and everywhere else you scroll. And if you want to tap in with your hosts, you can find Jess at Bless Jess and Salves at Salves. Underscore BK across all platforms, Because healing ain't soft and hustling ain't selfish. This is the work, this is the way, Every damn day.