Reconstruction of Thoughts

🎙️ Reconstruction of Thoughts ❤️

Heartbreak changed us… but it didn’t destroy us.

On this powerful episode of Restarting the Heart, we’re joined by special guest Dermetric as we dive deep into the pain of heartbreak, the loneliness of being single for a season, and the courage it takes to love and trust again.

This conversation is for anyone who’s ever had to pick up the pieces after disappointment, betrayal, or loss. We’re talking healing, growth, self-worth, and understanding that every “L” wasn’t a loss — it was a lesson.

✨ Sometimes being alone teaches you how to truly find yourself before finding love again.
✨ Sometimes heartbreak is the beginning of your rebirth.

Get ready for real talk, raw emotions, healing energy, and inspiration to restart your heart again — stronger, wiser, and more intentional than ever.

💫 If this message blesses you and you’d like to sow a seed:

CashApp: $divinesunflowerLLC
Zelle: lnugemt811@aol.com

#RestartingTheHeart #HeartbreakHealing #LoveAgain #PodcastLife #HealingJourney #SingleSeason #LessonsNotLosses #NewBeginnings #Dermetric

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And a woman. A woman is not going to love you 100% if she's not feeling 100%.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

I'm just not letting anybody leave me.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

I feel like women control the narrative.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Some people do not have a vision and they do not have a destination where they're trying to get.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

I idolize a relationship. I do. I will idolize a relationship.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

And the reason why I will idolize a relationship because I don't house the capacity to keep explaining to someone. And you also can't be in a relationship with nobody that don't have no motion. Because what happens is. Welcome, welcome to on the air with Dr. New, where real conversations meet real healing. And we keep it honest, empowering, and just a little bit spicy. Now, today's episode, oh yes indeed, it's for anybody who ever had to pick up the pieces dust off their heart and try love again. Because let's be real, starting over in love isn't just a moment, it's a whole transformation. And joining me today and bringing fresh perspective, my guest to Metric. He's here.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

My first question for you is what does the phrase starting over in love mean to you personally?

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Starting over in love. I think the phrase starting over means that you have changed, you know, made uh alter alterations on your decisions and how you feel about yourself originally, right? So now you're ready to just wipe everything you had. Not everything completely, but as far as anything negative, and you're ready to start all over and um, you know, just start afresh. Like you're not bringing that uh negative energy into a next situation. You're willing to give them a clean slate. That's what it means.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

So I hear you. So you're so I heard you say that um you're coming in new. Yeah. Um, a part of that newness, um, would you say that lessons were learned and what type of lessons learned?

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Yeah, definitely. I I think um you always have to take the lessons with you, right? Everything that you gain in your life, that's why I don't really believe in healing, right? Because everything that you have endured in life becomes part of your makeup, right? But the things about it is you have to be able to uh see what does good for you and what does bad for you, and basically filter it out like that. You know, even because even bad lessons, you get good lessons and you get bad lessons in relationships, right? The bad things, you know, you want to let go, and the good things you want to keep so that in your next relationship, you know, someone can have uh the a better version of you.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

I like that you said that. So can you share your journey of starting over in love and what it taught you?

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Um, I think um I think most of the lessons that uh that are learned through uh failed relationships are um you have to be more in tune with yourself, right? Like you can't love nobody if you don't love yourself. If you don't put yourself in high regards, I don't think it's possible for you to look for someone to uh have them in high regards, right? It's always I self, right? You gotta you gotta do the work for self first and then you can able to, you know, sprinkle it out to other people, you know what I'm saying? I think um how you feel about yourself triggers how you feel about someone else.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

So would you say that um in those lessons maturity take place?

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Definitely. I I think it's all about maturity, right? Because you have to be able to uh grow um from what you what you knew, what you knew to what you know, right? Like you have to be able to grow. You have to be able to have the maturity to know that this does not serve me or this does serve me, right? You know, you have to uh give away immaturity thinking, immature thinking, excuse me, immature thinking so that you can grow. You know, you have to do that. You have to.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

I do believe that. But also, right, so during a time of a breakup, do you feel that it's necessary that someone should take a moment to be single for some time before jumping into a relationship?

SPEAKER_00 4:20

I think you definitely have to take a moment to analyze, right, what you had, right? What was the relationship like? What was it more your fault? Was it more their fault? Was it a mutual fault type of thing? I think you definitely have to analyze uh, you know, and take accountability to know what's what what what the relationship was and why it felt. Um but I do think that sitting around pondering um for long periods of time can be damaging as well.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

I do agree, but I also do feel that people need to take some time out, right? To not rush into another relationship until they fully understand and get, you know, get over that, right? I don't think it's fair to no one that someone is still stuck on their path.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Right. So let me ask you a question. I just want to cut it and ask you a question. Get over, right? I mean, do we ever really get over do we ever really get over anything?

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Um, I would say yes. Yes. And the reason why I say yes because a part of it is because um you get over it where you're not emotionally attached to the person, right? Right. Where you're not um feeling the need for this person to be in your life, right? When you say fully get over, I understood that perspective in a sense that yes, you had history with someone, you spent some time with someone, you and the person um maybe did some years together. Those things will never leave you because y'all shared that, but however, you're no longer there, right? I do feel that relationships consist of like um seasons of your life and like you said, maturity, right? I can honestly say that some relationships I was in, I didn't like the person that I was.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

And I I would never see myself wanting to revisit that because I'm not there no more. Right. So that's why I say I do feel that it's a it does take a moment that someone should, like you said, love themselves, get to know who they are. Because sometimes you lose yourself in relationships.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

That's definitely true. I feel like, but what for my analogy is this, right? Pain, right? Pain, you can heal from pain, right? Pain's turn to scabs, scabs turn into scars, right? Scars are forever. You know, and that's that's the whole uh analogy of it. Yes, you can heal from pain. So the physical pain you do heal from, you know, whether it be a relationship, you heal from the physical pain. But you might even heal from some scars that you might have endured as far as, you know, on a mental aspect. But scars, most scars stay forever.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Uh, you know, I'm happy you said scars, because I always think of scars like thorns, right? I feel like sometimes those scars or those thorns are necessary so that you can know not which not to go back to what you once experienced, right? And I do feel that sometimes scars, right, that you have experienced, it reminds you of how far you come. How you should never revisit that place that puts you through that. And also is a reminder to remind yourself, like, listen, I deserve better.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Definitely. I think scars, you know, and I can speak from a person that has some uh physically, mentally, um, I think that they are definitely there to remind you and to never let you get too far gone into believing something else.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

So when you get to a place, so how did you get to a place where you knew that you wanted to begin again and dating and opening up to love again?

SPEAKER_00 8:05

I I think you know what it is. I think every relationship I felt like I got better, you know. Um, so I think it's just a progression. Um, I think in every relationship I got better. And I think that um, you know, me and you have spoken before. And I think about I think timing is very important. You know, timing is very important uh when you're even trying to get into a relationship because a lot of times, you know, the universe, God, whatever we we choose to say, right? It throw you, you know, beautiful people when you're not ready. And then they throw you, you know, bad people when you are ready, you know, and it's just the timing is off, you know. Sometimes, you know, it it takes it's time for you to actually get yourself together and do some things that you need to do, right? And let you know that it's not really about that person. You have to be at your, you know, uh uh at a great capacity so that you can able to give love, right? You have to be in a space to where you're able to give. I think it's more about giving than receiving. I think this relationships in general, it's more about giving than receiving. If you come into a relationship trying to get more than you given, then the relationship is not gonna really, it's not gonna be fulfilling for you. You know?

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Interesting you said that. So um you said a lot, and you you and I have a lot of questions.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

You can ask me as many questions as you need to.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Yeah, I'm here, I'm here for it. I'm here for it. So my thing is, right, um, from past experience, right? How did you how do you feel that you can be vulnerable again? Or how do you feel like you can let your guards down? Because I know when people go through things, before we even answer that, have you ever been in a place that you had your guards up?

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Always. Always. I think I think anybody who's been hurt always starts with their guards up. You know, I think everybody's on the defensive most of the time, you know, when they uh approach things, right? And then sometimes I feel like a lot of people are guilty of self-sabotage, right? Because you might have a great situation, but because you came out of a bad situation, you think that this will result into a bad situation.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Have you ever self-sabotage?

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Of course. Of course.

unknown 10:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

I think everybody has. It's just like a it's a um it's like a mechanism, like a safety mechanism. I mean, sometimes you push good people away because again, you're still not over or still haven't accepted the fact of the bad situation. You know, so you push good people away and you know, uh, you find yourself regretting that, you know, because these days and these times, good people are hard to come across. I do. Very much so.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

So um when you get to that place, right? So now let's get to the place and say, hey, I'm ready. I'm ready to love. Yeah. I'm ready to give a beautiful woman the opportunity to be my lady. Yeah, right? How do you approach intimacy in private after a fresh start?

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Well well, I think that um for me, uh moving moving into a uh a fresh relationship, right? I like to let that woman be her, right? And see how she responds to me or how we respond to each other. I don't I don't come with like instructions. You know, I I don't I don't I don't bear that on a woman until I feel like she's my woman and we're working together. You know, but it's outside of that, I want her to be as naturally herself as possible because I need to know that she's not pretending for me and she's being exactly who she wanna be, so that I can see how I can either, you know, gel with that or um repel from that. You know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

So And are there like new boundaries or beliefs you formed?

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Uh new boundaries. I think so. I think I think um give us an example of something. Yeah, yeah. I think um, I think as far as new boundaries, it definitely is because I'm I'm I'm more mature now, right? So with my maturity comes things that I won't tolerate. You know, when you're immature, you're not really paying attention to a lot of things, so you're letting a lot of things slide and you're letting a lot of things go. Um I'm big on respect. You know, I'm I'm big on respect because I feel like uh you can't uh uh love somebody if you don't respect them. You know, it's just impossible. You know, it's impossible. Um and I'm big on um honesty, you know, I'm big on honesty because I feel like it's something that I really never experienced in a real relationship. There's always been lies told. So when I see a woman that's just a hundred percent honest with me, you know, uh, especially if she don't have to be, that's a definitely a turn off for me, you know. And and I'm not talking about just just I mean the good, bad, the ugly, you know, um, because that's something I can't get out. I can't really get that out here in the streets or out here in the world, excuse me. You know, it's hard to find somebody that wanna be totally honest, especially now with the world so superficial and things like that. So honesty is very important.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

I know a lot of people have this concept because I feel that a lot of people base their relationships on social media. They want their relationships to look like people on social media, right? Yeah. And I feel that that's very publicly, right? When um you have your relationships on social media and you're portraying, or you could, this could be your real life and things, right? So how do you, right, um, what challenges have you faced when expressing love publicly after a new beginning? Like, what do you think that will come out of it if you express your love? The love or express you are in a relationship publicly, what with that, what you think the challenges may be?

SPEAKER_00 14:22

To be honest, um, I think that I think that you should uh express your relationship publicly, right? I don't know about social media, but I mean it should definitely be for the world to see, right? What am I hiding the person that I love for? What am I hiding my relationship for, right? Now, if my relationship brings, puts my woman into line of fire, then that just shows me even more what kind of woman I have. If she's, if she is easily to get influenced by other guys in her DM now that she's with me, then I mean, that's that's just all the tests. It's a test to see if she really, is it, is it really about me or is it really about the attention? And I think that the problem with society today is that everybody does want to move in secrecy and everybody do um wanna hide their woman and you know, things like that. I feel like, listen, test her. If that's your woman, you know, that should be your woman regardless. If that's your man, that should be your man regardless. Because there is better out here than you. There is, you know, stronger out there than you, there's richer out here than you, there's, you know, more handsome out there than you. So you gotta put your person to the test and make sure that they say they are who they say. You know? So yeah, publicly, I definitely have to let it be known that this is my lady. Um, will I be like, you know, would I post my lady every day?

unknown 15:52

No.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

No. I mean, but but I do want the world to know that this is my lady. You know, um I don't I I don't I don't I don't feel bad for anybody that hides their woman, right? Or hides their man, and then they find out their man sleeping with somebody else or their woman sleeping with somebody else. You hid that fact, you know, because you might have stopped that person from going at them just on the surface of respect.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

I do agree, and I do feel that there's a difference between privacy, right? And you're hiding. Like for me, if I'm in a relationship, I don't feel like I'm gonna hide my significant other. Exactly. But I do respect privacy and I do I do a hundred percent feel that no one should be in the relationship but you and your partner. Definitely.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

Well, you're talking about details, that's different.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Yeah, I do feel for me, like, yeah, like me and my significant other, we did something and I felt like posting the picture, right? We together, I have someone, but however, I do feel privacy comes with me where it's me and my significant other. It's no one input in our relationship, no one have anything to say because we have to get through it together.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Um, so um, can you share? You ready to share?

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Always. I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Can you share a moment where you realize love was worth pursuing again?

SPEAKER_00 17:22

I think, I think um, as you as you get more mature, you realize that um for most, I don't know all, but for most, you realize that, you know, love is is is is is the be is a beautiful feeling, right? To be in love, somebody loves you, you love somebody, I mean that's that's priceless. You know, it's it's priceless, and a lot of people won't experience it, you know, um, because they're chasing money. And that's cool, you know, but I uh it takes for some people to have money or had money or spent to experience certain things to understand that, you know, love is uh a definitely great a great feeling, the greatest feeling if it's uh done right, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

I do agree to that. I do like sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

I like money too, though. I just want to say that.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

But I do feel that people go through some hard times and they hold on, they hold on to their brokenhearted heart, being brokenhearted so much that they just want to give up on love. But I be like, how can you live the world when you don't want to love or feel love or give out love? You know, for me, God is love, right? And a part of it is that there's no way that you can live this world and don't want to love. But, you know, what push you to take that leap? To say, hey, listen, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

I feel like I feel like, you know, um, a lot of times, right, we we sit back and we, you know, make ourselves the victim for too long, right? And not understand, and not understand that, you know, life is about living, right? It's about enduring these lessons, these blessings, and everything in between, right? You gotta take the hits, you know. And life is life is ordained to be struggled. So it's always going to be, you know, pain and everything, you know, even pain and love. It's just, you're gonna have to sacrifice for love. You're gonna have to give for love. Everything comes with some type of sacrifice or some type of, you know, uh pain or something like that, you know. And and a lot of people don't understand that. But that's, you know, but it's all worth it. See, that to me is like, if it's, if it's, if the, if the, if the, if the goal, if it j if it justifies, right? If the goal justifies the means or the ends or however they people say it, um, then it's it's all good, you know? It's all good. I mean, you to find love, you you gotta walk through some bad situations, terrible situations, just to see, and not only that, but also it tells you what you're looking for. You know, what what you respond well to, right? Because failed relationships tell you that. And not only that, you can see patterns, right? So this person, you see them 20 minutes in, you like, nah, I can't do it. Nah, that ain't it. Two months in, nah, that ain't it.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

I always say that I always I always say that I thank God for discernment because, you know, I have um people try to talk to me, and in the midst of them trying to talk to me or trying to date me, it's let's just something don't feel right. Right. And for me, I don't hesitate, I don't try to figure out what don't feel right. I take that what don't feels right, and I be like, no, this is not gonna work. Right. And I do, like I always tell people, I do believe that God loves me so much that He don't even let people get too close to me. So if you do get close to me, um, you should be thanking God. But I feel you or not.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

I feel you or not.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

No, seriously on that. But you know, um for me, I'll say to love is once again is a beautiful thing. Because for me, I feel like this season of my life, I feel like God is providing me with that softness, right? And there's so many women who are so hard and been through so much that they don't know how to be soft, right? And it takes a patient man to want to be patient and help her through that. Like you could trust me, you could be soft. So now here you go. I need you to answer this, because I think you can answer this good. You ready? So you meet a woman, right? Yeah, she's independent. Yep, right? She's independent. She works, she don't mind working three, four jobs, she holds it down, she takes care of her kids, she she bossed up, but she has some fell relationships, right? Um, she struggles with softness because people have not always been gentle with her.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

So how would you handle that? You meet a woman who been through that. How do you handle that?

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Well, number one, I mean, for me, I mean, um, I know from um just experience, uh femininity submits to masculinity. So I think when a woman is safe, you know, and she feels a certain kind of way about a man, w r w the respect that she has for a man, um, it automatically puts her in a soft error. You know, um, if she feels like she can't do the things that she used to do to other people, you know, because that guy already is gonna make sure she stays in line and she don't even wanna press the button, you know, like that, because she just have a certain respect for that man, you know. And um, like I said, respect is is it's important. People view the way people view you is how they treat you. You know, so when when uh for me, I never really I don't really have a a problem um with uh a woman that has failed relationships. We all have failed relationships, right? And um again, you know, it's it's not about it's not about what happens to you in a bad sense, it's about what happened to you to make you the person that you are. So yeah, you might have had a lot of failed relationships, but that don't mean that you're not a good woman. Or that doesn't mean that you're not a good man. You know, uh failure is meant, it's meant to fail. You gotta fail sometimes. How you gonna, you can't, you can't just ride the bike and just get on it and ride. You gotta fall off a whole bunch of time. But once you learn how to ride, right, you never forget.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Never forget.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

So sometimes you just gotta come to the right, you know, you gotta go to the right energy, the right person that responds well to you, and then you build with them.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Because they out there. It's it's always somebody for somebody.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

You're absolutely right about that. And also, you know, I do want to encourage the viewers, especially women, that, you know, it's okay if you meet that person that makes you soft, that you can receive it, right? Because from experience, it's hard to receive, right? For me, it was a time that I would it was hard for me to receive when someone was gentle or kind to me. Because immediately in my mind, I'm like, what you want?

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Why you being so nice? You know? And a lot of us train like that. Yeah, and not and and genuinely, the person really is genuine. Yeah, not out to hurt you, just genuinely want to get to know you, genuinely want to care for you, and you know, I just want to encourage if you feel that safeness and you feel that person is right, don't run them away. Back to self-sabotage. Definitely. Because you're gonna run away a good thing, a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

Women do it all the time. Women does it too. Yeah, but I let's get it together. The only reason why I say the only reason why I say that, and that's I agree, but the only reason why I say that is because you know, women actually get approached more often than men, you know, um, so they have more opportunities. I I just feel like I just feel like you never know, or don't judge a book by its cover, right? You just never know um how great you can make that person, right? Just with your input, and you just never know where that person is at in their transition. So you should definitely give them an uh opportunity, if you can.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

If you can.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Yeah. I feel like most women overlook, I feel like most women overlook the man of their dreams.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

Hmm. Why do you think that?

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Because they don't give them a shot.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

And why do you think they don't give them a shot?

SPEAKER_00 25:35

Uh because I feel like a lot of them feel like they have to act a certain kind of way. Right? You you gotta also remember that, I mean, uh a man, right, is not going to, a man is not going to constantly chase a woman, right? He's gonna put his bit in. He's gonna say, listen, I want you. I wanna, you know, build with you, I wanna, you know, create life with you. I I care about you, blah, blah, blah. I'm trying to get to this point. And he's gonna state his claim and then he gonna go. If you don't, if you're not responding well to that, he's he's gone. You know?

SPEAKER_01 26:09

All right, that's that's some that's some free game.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Yeah, I feel like I feel like only insecure, I just feel like only insecure men chase, though. Yeah, I feel like only insecure men chase.

SPEAKER_01 26:20

Then why? Let's let's get into that. Why you feel only insecure men chase?

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Yeah, because they they they don't know their value, right? They don't know their value. If you knew your value, you wouldn't be chasing. You know, if you see somebody equally valued to you or equally yoked to you, at the same way you respond to her, she should be responding to you. You know, it's it's it's uh, you know, it's it's uh definitely um no better of the sex or the gender.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

I hear that.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Yeah. I hear that. In my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

So how do you maintain a sense of hope and positivity when starting over in love? How do you because I know like right from just conversing with people and I just hear people be like or I have heard you said too.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Right. People say I'm picky. People say that I'm picky, I'm I don't, you know. So how do you navigate that? How do you stay hopeful and positive if you're picky?

SPEAKER_00 27:17

You're supposed to be picky.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

That further, explain.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I mean, everybody, everybody can't be your your cup of tea. Everybody can't be your your your your your um your person, right? Because I mean it's about energy, right? It's about energy. It's not it's not just about aesthetics, right? It's about energy, it's about me being around you. Do I like being around you? Can I laugh? Can I be cool? Can I be just me? That little kid inside me. That's what I heard somebody say it, and it's so true. It's like, if you really find somebody that's your person, you you'll be acting like a child around them all the time. You'll be laughing, you'll be playing, you'll be worry-free because you feel like, hey, listen, I'm I'm in a great space, you know, and um that's what true love looks like.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Have you felt like that?

SPEAKER_00 28:07

Uh true love?

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Have you felt, you know, like you said, laughing and you know?

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm funny. I'm a funny guy anyway, for the most part.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

If somebody made you feel like that.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, I to me, to me, I think it's it's it goes in stages, right? It's like, you know, you get comfortable. Once you get comfortable, then you start laughing. Once you start laughing, then you start joking, and in the mix of this, you are also um gaining feelings for the person as well, you know. And um, yeah, that's how the process usually goes. For me, I don't know how somebody else says, you know, I think in the beginning you start off, you know, more like a brick wall, you know, and then, you know, as you spend time around them and you spend, you know, you spend quality time and you start talking, you have certain conversations, you know, the bricks start falling out a little bit. More light comes in, more light comes in till you mess around and see the sun.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

So people often say, hey, take your time, don't move too fast. Do you think that when you when you really find that love, that true love, that it it goes fast?

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Yeah. I I think it's because I think it's not about time. You know, I mean, when you when you find your person, it's not about time. You know, you you you going on feeling like what I feel, how this person make me feel, you know, and I think when people create those sayings like that, take your time and all this stuff like that, these are things that are actually um negative uh indentations to make us question what we have. Right? If I feel amazing being around you, right, then why should I have effort? Why should I give half effort um when I could do exactly what I want to do for you and show you how much I actually care for you. Whether I met you two weeks, whether I met you two months ago.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Yeah, I do believe, I I agree with you with that because when people be like, take your time, I think that gives people leverage to just want to procrastinate, right? I feel like when someone knows what they want, they go do what they need to do to make sure that it's successful, right? Um, I do feel like um for me, right? I feel like experience like confusion, someone not knowing what they want, and then meeting someone that knows exactly what they want. For me, it's like, whoo, this is what I always wanted. Right. And then you get scared because you're like, oh, this is really what it is, but no, that's what it should be, right? And I just feel like sometimes when people get that thing that they deserve, they struggle because that's what it should be.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

And I just feel that people gotta embrace it. I feel like in I feel like the older you get, you you date with intentions and people should know what they want and don't waste your time.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

I I agree. I mean, as you get older and you get more mature, it starts getting real and real to you, right? Um, what you will uh tolerate and not tolerate, right? Because as you get older, the most important thing is time, right? So it's like, don't waste mine, and I won't waste yours, right? So again, that goes back to what you were saying as far as the um the situation as far as saying that should you wake time till you take your time and this, that, and third, it's like you don't really have time to waste. So if you don't got time to waste, why you wasting it worrying about somebody else telling you to take your time? Go with what you feel. Go with what you feel. You know what I mean? Go with your heart. Move with your heart, you know what I'm saying? And and understand that what will happen is ordained to happen. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 31:51

So we don't have no control.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

No, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

And you count it as another lesson, and you move with experience. So for me, I always tell people, right, I never live, I never live in a regret of saying, I regret being with someone.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

The question that my friend always says to me, she's that we shift that that whole dialogue into what did we learn from this?

SPEAKER_00 32:17

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

And that's where people struggle, where they don't ask themselves, what did I learn from this experience? Okay, because every encounter you have with someone, there is a learning experience with it.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

Every time.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

And some of it don't feel good.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

It's not supposed to, though.

SPEAKER_01 32:34

But even in that not feeling good, you know there's the lesson learned, and now you gotta get up and you go and you go do better.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Sometimes it's it's how bad do you want love, right? Or how bad do you want that successful relationship? How bad do you want it, right? It's like just like riding a bike, right? You get you get scraped up and everything like that. Does it stop you? Did you make you want to put the bike up?

SPEAKER_01 33:00

No.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

No, you want to try to learn, so you keep getting scraped up, you keep getting scraped up, but you understand that it's all for the goal.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

Yeah. But I also think for growth for me.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

And good relationships, not bad relationships.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

Yes, we gotta be clear of that. But I I also know for me, um, and I and I can share this, right? I feel like a lot of women fail their relationships because they idolize it. Idolize the fact that they want to be married, idolize certain things. And for me, just sharing experience is that when you idolize someone more than you love God, things never work out, right? And I always say that for me in a relationship that I never want a man to put me before God or or look at me more powerful than what he needs to, you know, have inside within him, right? Because for me, a man is a leader, right?

SPEAKER_00 33:58

Oh, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

And in order for a man to lead me, he has to have some kind of posture with God. Does he meditate? Does he pray? Does he have those moments where, you know, he speaks to God on behalf of us, right? Which will maneuver the path that we go, right? And I feel like even with a woman, right, I think that it struggles with the place, right? Because these days and times everybody wanna be independent, everybody wanna lead. But I for me, I feel a man should lead and a woman's supposed to be a helpmate, right? And a part of being a help me is knowing, right, your posture, your position, and things like that. So overall for love, I always say love for me is a ministry. Because if I'm gonna be in a relationship the same way I expect my partner to pour into me, I must pour into him.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

I definit I definitely, I definitely get that. As far as, I mean, you said two things that were uh as far as marriage is concerned, right? I feel like marriage is definitely um something that uh it it starts in the in the in the in the heart and the mind. Like you have to be married. I don't I think a lot of people rush to go get married without understanding what marriage was, right? I mean, even since the beginning of time, people got married, right? And it wasn't as much of a business thing as it is now, but you know, the act of marriage is saying it's me and you against the world, right? This is our thing, this is me and you against the world. Um so I definitely feel like I would, I, and and going back to the other thing you said, idolizing. I idolize a relationship. I do. I will idolize a relationship, and the reason why I will idolise a relationship is because I know how hard it is to create that, you know, to create a successful relationship. That's two people coming together, right, sacrificing certain things, compromising certain things so that they mesh together, right? That's a to me, that's something to be idolized, right? Because especially when you're dealing with uh a sit uh uh certain situations that tell us it has to be about self, right? So imagine me giving up something for me to make you happy. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

Yeah, that's beautiful. That's beautiful, and vice versa. No, and vice versa, but when I say idolized, I mean that for okay, so you meet me. I meet you, and you know that this is my thing. Like I love God, you know that I'm heavy in my church community, you know that I do that. I feel that it comes an issue when a woman lose focus on where she was. Right. And then get in a relationship with a man and get off track with that.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

For me, I just feel like any man that comes in your life, he should one, push you closer to God. Definitely. Two, be like, okay, I understand and respect that. Sometimes the struggle is women want love so much that they'll sell their soul for it.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

Um again, I mean, I I I I understand what you're saying and and it does definitely have some validation, but I do feel like um all our steps are uh are written, right? You know, God ordains the whole process, right? So if you find a man, right, that of course, me, I can speak for me. I'm all about a person being their best self, right? So when I say your best self, I support everything that you do.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

So go deeper into that. Okay. So you're saying you support your woman being her best self. What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 37:36

That looks like her being her best self, meaning like, you know, whatever she believes in religiously, I'm not trying to change that. Whatever she believes in uh morally, uh long as it doesn't conflict with my morals and my values, I'm I'm I support her on that too. I'm basically saying that I want my woman to be her best self because I cannot, and I was just saying this to somebody before, a person and a woman, a woman is not going to love you a hundred percent if she's not feeling a hundred percent. And that's just in my that's just in my opinion, and that's my from my experience, you know.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Um so how do you ensure your woman is at her 100%?

SPEAKER_00 38:19

Well, I mean, me, I'm gonna, I'm definitely, I'm I'm gonna always empower my woman. You know, because I want my woman to feel like she is it, you know, and um I want her to know and understand that, you know, she is uh definitely valuable to me. Precious, always, you know, uplift her and empower her. So, babe, what you want to do, let's do it. You know? Um, especially if she understands the structure, the structure, right? I mean, my woman can maybe get indoors that I can't get into. I have to be able to utilize my woman and understand that her greatness is still our greatness. You know, um, we're a team, you know. So sometimes I gotta step in front, sometimes she gotta step in front, you know. Um, and when I mean step in front for her, I mean step in front with my protection. You know, uh, you know what I'm saying? So I believe my whole thing with relationships is partnership, right? And I believe in partnership, you know. Um uh I do believe, and I I think I told you this before, but I I do believe that a man is the leader. I definitely believe that, right? But when we say leader, right, first of all, a leader has to also know that he's a follower at some point too, right? And say that again. I said a leader, a true leader understands that he has to be a follower too, sometime, right? Because it's just like anything. If if if if my woman has the expertise on this said thing right here, why would I try to demean her and try to I say no, I say do it like this. If I know she knows how to do it, then we're gonna roll with what she knows. She has the expertise to do that. Because it's not about her or it's not about me, it's about the relationship, it's about the growth of the relationship. So again, sometimes she has to feel empowered as well, you know. But her power is still mine. You know, we share that. That's our power, you know, together. But um what I was saying was, yeah, so you know, partnerships are basically um created as a man. You have a you have a man as the lead, and you have the woman as, you know, she's the help, right? But at the end of the day, most deals are done behind the scenes, right? Behind the scenes, my woman might be the lead. Or behind the scenes, my woman might make the suggestions to say, babe, this is what we need to do, this, that, and third. You know, and then as the man, I followed through because that's what I do. I'm the action. I I followed through. We made the, we we decided what we was gonna do in the home that works for both of us. And then I go, you know, I go work, walk out front and start doing, doing what needs to be done.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

And I think that's something that people who are getting in relationships need to understand. And a woman has to understand. I don't have to be loud about my position. I don't have to be loud of what I say to my man or how I say it. That that's really irrelevant. Just know that we we moving together. Yeah. So looking ahead, how do you envision your future in love?

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Well, I had a I had a I had a dream the other day, man. I was uh I was in a relationship with this beautiful woman. And um I I I thought uh I had I had in this relationship, and I mean in this relationship was beautiful and things like that. But um I was sick, right? I was sick, I was laying in the bed and I was sick, right? And um a woman came, a doctor, right? And um she was like nursing me back to health and this, that, and third. And um when she pulled up the mask, it was my woman.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

So, you know, how do I envision? I mean, I think for me, I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm in a position where I want to be loved, right? I'm in a position where I want to be loved. I'm in a position where I want to give love, and I'm in a position where I'm doing the best for myself have I ever been, right? So I'm making good money, you know, got a good job, you know. Uh definitely uh my mind, I'm focused, right? I um do all types of hobbies and things like that that keep me busy, so I'm not distracted by the usual distractions that everybody else is probably distracted with. Um I work a lot, keep me busy, keep me out the way. Um so yeah, so I mean, for me, I think it's it's all up for me as far as love is concerned at this point.

SPEAKER_01 42:52

What are you most excited about?

SPEAKER_00 42:55

I'm most excited about uh creating new memories uh with the new person, you know, uh leaving a lot of past behind. Um and making somebody happy, like using my effort to make people happy, you know, make somebody happy, this make this lady happy and make her feel wanted and desired and make her feel like she doesn't have to um be insecure about anything.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 43:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

Yeah, I would like that. I would like, I would like to be um now. I envision I would like to be in a relationship where I have a a totally secure woman, you know, because I I think that um in her security she will be great to me, you know, and be great to me as far as a partner. You know, a lot of women I think, a lot of women I think they suffer from their insecurities and because they and men too, but I say women because I feel like I put so much power on women because they control the narrative, you know. Like I was just telling somebody, if women came to Today and said, hey, listen, we're not dating no more men with their hair cut, you know. Um with with their hair. No, no, it's all good. It's all good.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

No, why I don't have my phone on it.

SPEAKER_00 44:13

It's all good. Um, but what I was saying was I feel like women control the narrative. So when I say that, um, I say that to say this is that if women came and they said, well, listen, you know, at this point, they said, well, listen, and we don't want no guys that that don't cut their hair, dudes will be walking around here with long hair. So I feel like women have a lot of power. And um, you know I love that. Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

So um, as we talked about so much, right? And this was really good. I really went to ask this question.

SPEAKER_00 44:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

What final piece of advice do you have for those who are struggling with the decision of a fresh start, a fresh start in their love life?

SPEAKER_00 44:58

Um what final advice I could give you. Um don't be scared. I mean, we only live this thing one time, right? We only live life one time, right? And I think love is is is what everybody is chasing, you know. I and I and I would say for everybody, you know, do as many fresh starts as you can. You know, um, I know it might sound like bad advice to some people, but it's it's really good. Like start all over, start all over, start all over, start all over until you find something that is um more uh receptive to what you want, you know, um more, you know, because I feel like when you meet your person or you meet a person that's willing to work with you or work together with you to create something great. Um you know, if you don't meet that, just keep going. Just keep going. Keep going, keep going.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Sometimes you have to start start over and over until you get it right.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 46:01

Sometimes you have to start until you get to that place that you're like, yes, I finally did it. Like how you said, ride the bike. Like until you fall, you get back up, you fall, you get back up, you fall, you just get back up, because there will be a time that you will succeed.

SPEAKER_00 46:15

Exactly. And you will ride the bike, right? You will eventually get to ride that bike and be great at riding the bike, right? Because you think about all the scrapes and all the you know, times you fell off and all that stuff like that. So now you riding and you're gonna feel great knowing that you accomplished that, you know? Absolutely. Yeah. Um, but I want to ask you a question if I can. You know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I want to ask you a question. Yeah, actually. So as as a as a single, supposedly, right? I don't think you're single no more. But yeah, but but but as a as a woman who is uh, you know, has a lot of things going on, um, what is the biggest quality for you that makes you feel safety when you find a man?

SPEAKER_01 47:04

For me, safety, right? Safety for when I find a man, when I find the man, when I found that. The biggest attribute of the attribute for me was that he wasn't intimidated by my success. Right. Right? Usually when I meet people, immediately when I be like, hey, I'm a doctor, hey, you know, this is my life, I try to, you know, sometimes dim some things that I have going on. But I do it because I first I need to see where the person is at, right? And then um I find myself where, you know, people be like, oh, you too good for me. Or I'm not on your level. So those times also with me, um, for me I took time out for some time and just was okay with being by myself. And a lot of people don't understand when people be like, girl, you're by yourself, you're a beautiful girl. Why would you want to be single? But being single for me was getting closer to God.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

And for me to get closer to God, it helps me understand the woman I am and how I can be a woman for my future person, right? And I do feel like the work that I've done, my future person will definitely be happy of who he found because I'm big on that.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

You're big on what?

SPEAKER_01 48:25

I'm big on a man ha a man find you.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

A man finds you?

SPEAKER_01 48:30

A man find if a woman finds a good thing, because I'm favor.

SPEAKER_00 48:33

But no, I got you on that. Because favor is over here. I think it's I think it's I think it's I think it's both. I think it's both. I think a man finds a good woman is a good thing. I think a a woman finds a good man, it's a good thing. I think that's I I think, and this is probably, but I always feel like I feel like yang and yang, right? The yang and the yang. No, I just feel like it's a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

I feel like it's there's a lot of the man is the lead. So he should be the man is the lead. He should um be like, hey, I see you, and I want you to be my woman. Because I don't know. That's what happened to me, you know. Right. I don't know. I'm just saying, ladies, a man wants you, they're gonna let you know they want you, and they gonna tell you.

SPEAKER_00 49:12

So But let me ask you something.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

I want to And you don't never gotta force yourself on no man to be his lady.

SPEAKER_00 49:16

That's true. I agree with that. You never have to force yourself on the lady.

SPEAKER_01 49:19

Trust me, a man who knows what he wants, he's gonna tell you.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

Right. I just want to ask one more question, right? So, what you think is more important, right? The lead or the support?

SPEAKER_01 49:30

They both run hand in hand.

SPEAKER_00 49:32

Bingo. That's the point of the lead. So lead and support.

SPEAKER_01 49:34

They both run hand in hand. So this is. Money does help the situation. But for me, you have people who have someone with money, but they're not happy.

SPEAKER_00 50:32

Definitely, right?

SPEAKER_01 50:33

So for me, is that I'm in a place where where can me and my man build together, right? Because I already come with myself. Like, I where we're building together. He comes with his stuff. Like, I don't never want him to think that life is just surrounded based on his things or my things. How we're building this together. So when we look back, we could say we did that.

SPEAKER_00 50:56

Definitely. Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

We did that.

SPEAKER_00 50:58

I think, I think, I and I and I'll say this for everybody. I think that it's definitely important that you deal with people that are equally yoked. And the reason why I say that is because um when you don't, you're gonna actually make somebody feel like, you know, even if it's not the case, somebody is going to feel like maybe somebody's taking advantage or somebody's getting over. Because it's like it's like if a person is is paying all your bills, right? And they they're gonna feel like you're entitled to them, right? Everything about you is entitled to them, right? So you have no power into that situation, right? If you if you building with somebody, like I said, if you're building with somebody and you guys are equally yoked, it's like we both have say. I don't need you, I want you. And that's a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 51:51

And that's my big thing. I I always tell people that I want to be clear in my relationship. I don't need you, I want you. And me wanting you and me wanting to be here, that is a big flex, right? And the reason why it's a big flex because um these days in time, many people are on survival mode. Definitely. Many people who's just trying to survive to still deal with any and everything just to, you know, survive. But that's not me. That's not what I desire or what I have to do. I don't, I'm, I don't have to do just anything to survive. I basically in a relationship because I want to, right? And I see, right? And it's not even potential, because potential don't get you nowhere. I've been there, done that. It's not that I see potential in um in where I'm going, it's that I know that the person has the same mentality to go get it. Right. The person is is about it. Like I like I feel like for me, um, for my future relationship, I'm like, hey, I know today or tomorrow if I get sick, I know that I can count on him and he's gonna go and get to it. And vice versa, he should feel the same way about me, that we have each other on on our low times, and I think that's what people struggle with. What does it look like if hard times hit? Yeah. Because we're gonna be happy. Yeah, that's when you really be happy now because we we got it. But when them hard times come, I need to feel secure that we gonna get through it. And I need my man to feel secure that his lady could go out there and get the bag. Cause I because I can.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

Yeah. I I think um, I think again, man, I think it's just not even about. I mean, money is is good. Yeah, it's definitely good. But I think that um you guys have to just have really have love for each other like that. Like, I don't want my person to struggle, you know. So if I have the means to make sure that that doesn't happen, I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen. And vice versa. You know, um, team, team ball, you know, playing, playing with a team means if we lose, we lose together. If we win, we win together. I tell my daughter this, and I and I and I'll say this, my I tell my daughter this all the time. When you go and you choose to make that, you know, a man that you you you're gonna be with, make sure it's a man that you feel comfortable with, you know, leading. You know what I mean? Being able to lead, right? And when you pick your leader, make sure that they have already a representation of leadership already. Make sure they have their own, make sure they're doing their thing. Make sure, because you can't lead someone. I mean, you can't expect somebody to lead you who has nothing to show for it.

SPEAKER_01 54:32

Yeah. And you also can't be in a relationship with nobody that don't have no motion. Because what happens is that when someone don't have no motion and have nothing going on with their selves, they don't understand why you are out there doing what you have to do. Definitely. And you know, for me, I don't have, I don't house the capacity to keep explaining to someone that, you know, I'm working, I do this, I do that, and this is what I'm doing. So if you have things going on with yourself, you don't have the the moments to just be like, why you always no. Definitely we we don't we got goals?

SPEAKER_00 55:05

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 55:06

Because any partner minds, we got goals. Oh, we we um we about to get some more property, we about to go do this. And these are the things that we should be doing, and we should not be dwelling on, you know, childish things because I'm not there no more.

SPEAKER_00 55:19

Definitely. I feel like I said, I mean, uh it most of I think most relationships suffer because of insecurities, right? That's what it's really about. People are insecure, right? You know, it's like if if and and I was just telling uh somebody that just now that um if you you know if you're dealing with a a a woman or a man who has insecurities, do not want that will not allow you to establish the goals, then that's the wrong person.

SPEAKER_01 55:46

Absolutely altogether.

SPEAKER_00 55:48

You know, somebody should want you to be as great as you can be. Especially with you on my arm. I want you to do everything you need to do. You know what I mean? Because it's not just that's why I don't understand how people can be mad at exes, right? Because it's like I still play a part in your life. Whether you bad, you go and go off and become a billionaire, gazillionaire, you know. I still got a portion of your life. Part of your life belongs to me still, you know, at that at to a certain degree. You know what I'm saying? So you never be mad at them. You want everybody to do well, be well, you know what I mean? And and and and never look back at, you know, like you said, no, no regrets and never look back.

SPEAKER_01 56:26

Yeah, no regrets is all lessons. So, you know, uh this conversation was very great. And um, I think you've been taking time out to just sit with me and just dive in. Is anything else you want to tell the people?

SPEAKER_00 56:37

I'm definitely gonna I I definitely plan to be sitting with you a lot often, you know what I mean? Uh maybe not here, but somewhere. You know, oh really? Yeah, I think that's definitely the plan. Um, but I want to tell people, man, that um you only live once. Um don't minimize uh, you know, don't minimize your progression. And also, listen, we all started, we all came here with nothing, right? It's not a competition. You know, the the goal of life is just to make sure you end up with something. And something could be anything. You know what I mean? Uh, like I said, you know, that's that's basically what I want to tell the people, man. And don't give up on love, man. I mean, love is definitely the ultimate feeling. Um, I think everybody who's truly been in love before um knows that how it makes them feel and how it makes them motivated and things like that. So, yeah, man, don't give up on love. Everything ain't in the bag, man. Some things is in the heart. That's all I want to say.

SPEAKER_01 57:37

Tell people about your podcast too.

SPEAKER_00 57:40

Oh, yeah, the podcast, you could just definitely uh check me and my brother on the vice versa podcast, vice versa podcast, you know, on Instagram or Facebook or all the platforms. Um, and me, I always do a little daily segment of uh just something to think about because I feel like you can check me out on Instagram on just something to think about uh also. And um I think the most powerful thing you can do in the world in life, period, is uh give somebody something to think about.

SPEAKER_01 58:10

So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 58:11

I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 58:11

And and and no, your eyes is not fooling you. He is a twin.

SPEAKER_00 58:15

I am a twin, yeah, definitely. I mean, it has good it has good and bad, though. I don't want to get into that, but it has definitely pros and cons. But yes, I am a twin, yes, I am. And um I definitely would like to thank you for having me on the show. Um it's definitely been a great experience. Um, I know, like I said, me and me and her, we'll definitely see more of each other, you know what I'm saying? Uh and you'll see more of us together, you know what I'm saying? Maybe not on the podcast, but you know, out in the street or something like that. So, yeah, man, if you see us, say what's up. It's all good.

SPEAKER_01 58:48

That's a man with a plan.

SPEAKER_00 58:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:50

Thank y'all for tuning in later.

SPEAKER_00 58:53

Later