New Year Same Sh*t

Let's begin 2025 by setting some *borderline* unrealistic goals to make this year less of a dumpster fire than 2024 was. 

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Okay. okay. The first ever episode. Let's dig in is NY. It's not it's right now, we're doing it. We're doing the first ever episode of our fucking podcast, which is so exciting. And I'm so glad that you're here and I'm so glad that you can pull up a seat at our table. So we can sit the fuck down and then we can get on knives and forks in our hands. We can cut that bitch open and we can dig the fuck in. Dig the fuck in it is a small table. So only one of you can fit. Logistically, we have an AC, a dining table. It just wouldn't work. Do you know what I mean? You're just going to sit here, like on the corner. Yeah. Or if you're tiny, we could fit two of you, you know? Only if you're tiny. here we are, on the precipice. The precipice of something exciting, something truly love to eat. We love to talk shit. And so we're combining those things here. We have our diet Cokes, which will be the only thing that we consumed during this episode. Because we're about to dive deep into drum roll, please. Dry January. Thank you fucking Jesus for the beginning of the year. It is the first of the month. It's the first it is 2025. How crazy. Well right now it's not, well, no. Yeah, but we're pretending it's going to be 20, 25. When you hear these 2025. Right now. And that is wild. And we might have had our, fill of, beverages this year or last year, I would say 20 24, 20 24 was a wet. There was a monsoon. Oh, yeah, exactly. That's how I describe it. No, there was absolutely no drought insight. No. it was very wet. Yeah, we felt the effects of the storm. For sure. So I'm very excited about dry January. I am as well. I think that, you know, I started drinking when I was walking 15, no 14 years digging in. Okay, before we got fucking side, we're still figuring out that nooks and crannies of this podcast. So without further ado. Let's do it again. That lame. And we'll figure it out. We'll decide. Okay, let me just open my diet Coke. Ah, that sensual. Sexual. Crisp. January January, but you're not doing dry January. I know myself. I can't commit too deeply to something that is, You know, you can't put limits on yourself. No, I don't like limits, but you did do dry July. We have done dry July, which was a weird choice. I'll admit. I think that was the longest I've gone without drinking a drop of alcohol. Since I was actually 15 years old, it wasn't one month in July six peaks. Crazy, which is fucking insane. That's great. I think it's just a crazy that like, Gay culture just involves so much drinking and so much like pottying. And it doesn't have to, but we just moved to San Francisco a lot, two years ago. And in our first year we had like no friends. And then on our second year, which has just passed, we met every single person we know, and that included going to like a million birthdays and a million parties and a million deaths and a million that. And then out after they have to have. And then I'm like, I look back on the year and I'm like, What the fuck was I doing? Cause I don't really remember that much of it, which is problematic. Hence the monsoon to my fucking brain. Yeah. Alcohol is not great. Turns out. Turn turns out. It's so annoying when people are right. And when you hear something on tech talk and you're like, eh, It's so good to be sober, like sobriety, so good. And I was like, no, it's fucking not like I, how am I, how am I going to don't be a fucking loser. Don't be a fucking loser, but they were right. They are right, right. Turns out being sober is kind of cool. Yeah. It really it's kind of Kinsey it's so cunty, right? Like you meet your one sober friend. And I'm like, you're cooler because you were sober. Listen, we talked about this yesterday, but the positives have very much started to outweigh the negatives when it comes to drinking. When it comes to putting these, these poisons into my body, I am no longer seeing a, my return on investment. Yeah, my investments are there. Non-existent. Y. Is the question. The I asked myself every fucking day fucking morning when I wake up with a pounding headache and think. Did I have fun last night? Y. Why, why the fuck am I. At the age of 32. Still behaving like a 16 year old delinquent. And I think one thing that I would like to know is that. I was like gay people. We like really did not have like, you know, crazy childhood, like. I mean, I didn't know. I'm a freak. You're a different case. but a lot of us, a lot of us grew up and they didn't. We grew up at a really young age. We grew up. There's a friend it's been. Drag race. Who said that they just got. I remember that that was good. Oh, my God. So, no, truly we grew up and we didn't have a fucking. Clue about our lives and like, whatever. When we started like moving to different cities in different places where we like formed. Friendships that people form in like college. Yeah. I mean, again, I'm an anomaly because I had that really, really young. I did UK culture. It's just so different to you're way more into drinking very much earlier in life than where I grew up. At least. I can definitely vote. Yeah, exactly. So then you like have that experience where you're like, oh, I'm meeting all these fun people. And this part is constantly because we live in like the gay city in the country. And, then all of a sudden we're like, let's go to this thing and this thing and this thing. And then you're like, I want to make friends and if I don't go out, I'm going to have FOMO and then they're not going to invite me. And then it's a snowball effect. I think it is a way of like, Dealing with trauma or like healing and enter child in a certain type of way, because you're acting in a way that you didn't get a chance to like in university or college or whatever. I didn't get a chance to Act out or be like the other straight people. I can make out with someone random in the club. You know, I never had that opportunity. So a lot of people. Me included. Are dealing with that now in their thirties. And maybe I was onto people in the club. Megan. but you're dealing with that in that sort of way, but I do not think it is a positive way of dealing with these things. Totally. Don't. because you end up taking 10 billion shots before you even leave the house. Like, I don't want this episodes to come off, like so preachy, but I'm just like, I want it to like, This is literally our pulpit kind of like, huh? This is literally our pulpit. But our wa pulpit or what Pope. Uh, white pole pit. What the fuck is a pulpit where the preacher preaches. It's a pulpit. Fuck. Are you on about the preacher preaches on a pulpit? He stands there and the little it's the, it's the thing where he stands and puts his Bible. It's the pulpit. Why the fuck do you think? I wouldn't know that. It's common knowledge. It's like when you were in the library and you have like the podium. Yeah. It's a podium. It's a podium, but it's also called pulpit. Which sounds better. I like pulpit. Say it. Pull that. The pulpit. It's pretty good. I thought we spent bull pit. No, the bulls. And then we can like wrap our heads into whatever we want because it's our bullpen and not your bullpen. So this is our people. Continue. Yeah, I don't want to be preachy. And I'm like, I mean, I'm preaching to myself because I only, I was violently hung over yesterday. So this realization. On ideology is fresh in the brain and like completely brand new. To me. Again, at the ripe old age of 32. But it's better to have this realization now than continue down a road where you don't want to go on. This is why I'm trying to do dry January, but I might transfer into dry forever. Last month, first. I'd lost the six weeks before I can last a month. I just don't see the benefit of drinking anymore. Sorry. I think it's kind of like a concept. I don't know. Why am I Downing? Also no different. If you go to a straight bar and you get a cocktail or a drink different than going to a gay bar and getting a cocktail or a drink. Well, yeah, because you're having a pint of vodka and a vodka soda at a gay bar. They're putting a gasoline pump down your throat. Yeah. Then for your book. Honestly, I'm not hungover anymore. I'm like, wait, that sounds kind of good. It's not a bad deal. If you want to be fucked up. But I don't know you fucked up anymore. I want. Oh, it's about me. I want to go to the farmer's market on a weekend. I want to never be hung over again. The idea of never being hung over again. Sounds so fun. I mean this on a Sunday. And this morning we woke up and went to a solid core class because we weren't hung over at 9:00 AM at 9:00 AM on a Sunday. That's fucked. The old meat, the old meat meat. Yesterday yesterday or two days ago. In a fucking pit of despair because I was like, why do I feel so violently ill? Well, I've got the shakes. I've got the shakes. I've got the shapes. I've got one time pounding headache. What time after pride. Oh my God. Cause I didn't eat a single thing. Let's talk about pride. Let's talk about pride. That was what did we have to be proud of? First of all, what the fuck are we doing? Number one, pride. it's supposed to be a celebration of all that we have achieved and a protest for all that we have not. And we have to work towards, but this past pride, no. No, no, no. You're saying this past pride. But we as a society and as ourselves, Spend the four days of the weekend. Thursday is gay Friday. just being. More, uh, more, uh, more violently ill and to demented. As the weekend progresses. For example, 2024 did June. The June was upon us. And I was like, oh, this is my birthday month. It's also pride month. So it's birthday party, weekend party weekend. Someone's having a pride party, this park pride pie. And then when it's actually pride weekend, which is at the end of the month. Exactly. You go on the third. Well on the Friday, you go to an after party. You got. Out on the Saturday day, after like an hour of sleep and then you spend all day out and then you go out on Sunday day for the Sunday day party after sleeping for an ally. Eating one egg, because that's all you could eat. Ever. I mean, you wake up in the morning and then do you know what? Sometimes I got into this. I'm like, this is me seeking help. Wake up in the morning, I'm like, oh, I've got to go. Like I'm, I'm running late for the next like thing. Or like someone's hosting a pre I need to go to, I'm going to have a banana and a vodka Celsius. Celsius, please sponsor me. I am your biggest fan. I voted. Celsius. Have a heart attack and then leave, go out the door. You are a grown ass man. You can not survive on a banana and do you know what it is? What. It's Peter pan syndrome. That's what I was trying to get out before. The reason we do this, the reason we come to this place. From magic. We come to this place for magic. We come to this place and we think we didn't experience this like as young adults. We are young adults. We didn't experience this as like I'm young adults, teens, early twenties. I mean, I did, so I don't have any excuse to keep doing it. You just like it. Yeah. But, you know, what, if there's a limit, there's a limit to how much I can like, like sometimes I like force myself to stay out later than eight. And want to cause I'm like, oh, I'm not having fun anymore. Maybe an extra shot will make me have more fun. If you are going out and You're up 2:00 AM. The bars are closing and you say, let me just have one more shot to have a little bit more fun. If you need something else that make you have fun. It's not fun. You should go home. Go to sleep. Take that Waymo and fucking go to try to open that door to the Waymo. Waymo and go home. That was really difficult than I it's really hard when you're drunk. It was like, what the fuck am I supposed to do here? it's connected to your Bluetooth. It's got to have a Bluetooth on for the door to open. Oh. Or press the button on your phone Yeah, but it was really confusing. The first time I tried to figure it out and I was like, boof a little. And then taking a drunk way home because you don't have anyone. Oh, Hammering and your air be judging you. It's in the driver's seat. That's going to be the one thing I'm going to miss from drinking. Taking that drug way, Mohammad, like putting my head out the window and like, You can do that. I'm trying to think I can do that sober. You're trying to say perspective. You can do this over. I was thinking about a song, but I would sing out of the window of the car. Like breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. I'm excited for January. I'm just excited for dry forever. I'm excited. The prospect of never having a drink again. I'm excited for the prospect of not having violent hangovers. Because I want to love to drink. I do like wine. I like a good cocktail. I can like appreciate an alcoholic beverage. I should. I now know my limits and try and figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life. And you have prize. I like lead myself down. Treacherous path from time to time. when I'm going through an extra self destructive, cycle. Self destruct activism. One egg and one blood cause Celsius today. Listen, you were skinny. Oh my God. You were so skinny. I just did my like year, my 2024 dump. Yeah. And I was like, I'm actually too skinny. I was like that buddy's tea, but at what costs. At what cost. Have you seen that supersize versus super skinny? it's like channel four in the UK. I grew up watching this dumb fucking show. UK television in early two thousands. It absolutely messed the fuck up. And there was one episode cause we watched it the other day. where this guy he who'd wake up and his breakfast would be energy drinks, energy, drinks, energy drinks. And I was watching and I was like, that's disgusting. And so crazy. What the fuck was I doing all summer? That's exactly what exactly. Yeah, you would have a red bull all day and then like a bowl of pasta. He ate more than me. You would eat in the Mo well, like for pride. I wasn't setting out to be a lot of issues. Eating disorder, alcoholism. Plain. Right to the fucking head and my God, that was a good first episode, really ticking, really digging deep in there, or, you know, uh, I, I'm a chasm of, nonsense and mental health disorders. Now, your hair watching and listening. And now you have just been. It's sequestered a good word to use. Sometimes I like to think of like big words. That feels like right? Yeah. Sequestered. It's like to be secluded. Yeah. I have some corner. I wish. there were more, sober activities in the gay community. Rather than just drinking. Maybe this is just really a San Francisco thing where we're always out at the bars. So it's not, it's literally every major city. And I feel like San Francisco is very, very much. Bark centric for the gays. What are two fucking bars? Yeah. They suck the, all the same with the same people. You can have a whole episode on the Castro bars. And we can dive deep into each one of them and why we hate every single today's episode is about lookout. Fucking Pitt of how. Let's talk about Badlands. No, no. I feel like it's so easy when you like our new Cissy. You were like finding your way you're meeting new people. We did it, it happened to us Last year We got very excited about the prospect of how, because we really haven't had like that many gay friends, like gay male friends, CIS gay male friends, he and our. We can talk about this topic at another time too. Cause like, you know, this goes into it. That's a fucking. It goes into it because like, I think we both separately and then together have really had friendships that were female focused. Like a lot of our friendships are girls. And friendships. A lot of our friends are girls. Can I pause you for a second? I just noticed that the clock changed. but this clock is wrong for 15 minutes every hour on the hour, because the minutes hand will change. But the hour hand won't change until quarter past, because where is it from? 10 times shop. I'm not from the two times. It's like, he's a shit. Looking bitch, fucking piece of shit clock. Don't buy that fucking dumb ass. Mechanical fucking dumb bitch Clark from Tik TOK chart. Vintage. It looks great, but their fucking time is wrong. It's not 3:00 PM right now. So, well, okay. a lot of our friendships have been like, I've been girls Last year. It was the first time that we really came into a friendship group that was very gay male focused because San Francisco is just like men. The CE is just like gay men. Yeah. And unfortunately we tend to all cluster in one area. The Castro. Which is very female exclusionary. And all of my friends in my whole entire life have been women. And all of a sudden here, I'm surrounded by DEC and I'm like, go away, leave me alone. Sort of harassing me. Job giving me shots. It's the shots. Gay men love shots. It's about what is it about what. Take a seat. What is it about? People violently giving you shots. And if you say no, they contact us on, sir. No is a complete sentence, motherfucker. No is a complete sentence. Oh, I thought it's a NOAA. And I was like, who's Noah I feel like. That was a complete sentence. There's no FN. If ands or buts about it. How do you feel about the fact that like, obviously, you know, we've experienced this we've we've, we've dealt with this, this exact or like ordeal. When you're out and you're like, you don't want to, like you promised yourself, you weren't going to, but like, so what makes you feel bad about not like participating. You're like, I'm not having the most fun. Let me drink more so I can have more fun. And then you actually have more fun. But I hate that, but then you feel like a fucking piece of shit, like a big bogey the next day. You always feel fine when you're fucking slamming shots, I'm like drinking every single vodka soda in the room. You're going to feel good. You're going to have a fun time. But sometimes the anxiety creeps in and then you don't have a fun time. My brain whenever I'm like really drugged, my brain gets really anxious. You get anxious, like in the moment. Yeah. Just in the moment. Yeah. Even if I'm like wasted. That's crazy. There's another reason to stop drinking anxiety. I'm mentally ill. We'll start with you. Your therapist. So here we are trauma dumping, all of our deep, deep secrets. No, but like we as a community need to learn. No means no. And all instances. No means no. If I don't want to take a fucking shot, I'm not gonna take a fucking shot. I'm going to have my diet Coke and peace. I'm also going to keep partying. The thing about dry January and thing about being sober. It's like, you can still fucking party. I can still hang. And I can hang with the cool. I can have my diet Coke. I can have my red bull. I can stay up late if I want to. Most times I don't want to. Because I looked at the end of the day, who's left. Who's left. I am now who's left at the bar. Last call, all the gremlins that are. Just about to crawl back into the hole they crawled out of. A few hours earlier me. Literally me. I was like, Hmm. Sounds familiar. I'm sorry, but like, It's not worth it anymore. I rifled it the last few, times I went out and over the holidays. I went out and I would wake up in the morning on like a Saturday, Sunday. I feel unfulfilled. the first time it happened, I was like, I had fun last night and then I didn't, and don't really remember half of it. And I'm like, I woke up and I was like, I don't really feel very fulfilled today. off of last night, there was some nights out I've been on, like, had so much fun, even drunk, like a bunch. And I've been like, that was such a good night out. I could probably count like maybe four or five times in 20, 24, but I had a really good night out. Like. 50 plus I went on. Like the last six, three nights out I've been on in a row. They started upgrade the sort of fine. And then there was a moment where I was like, I'm not having fun anymore. And then I did a shop and then a drunk bowl, and then I blocked out. I'm like, what the fuck was the point of that? I woke up the next day. And I was like, I don't feel very fulfilled. And that was just a constant feeling of like feeling unfulfilled from the night out. And I'm like what if next time I do something different or I don't do a shot I don't know, like maybe I'll eat more food before. I don't know. I was like trying to find the right equation to have a good night out. But you can keep doing this. And keep doing the things. The thing that I've been doing since I was like, literally my. Teens. Because I enjoyed it. And then I like only had this aha realization. Yesterday. Where I was like, why am I feeling unfulfilled? Is it because it's unfulfilling? Is it because when you fucking shovel shit into your fat mouth, And you shovel shit into your mouth. Actually, it's not good for you. You're not going to feel fulfilled because it's unfulfilling crazy. I'm trying to find like happiness and joy and like excitement. And some, they do. Same shit I've been doing for so long, surrounded by people. Some people I love, but then also a bungee by fucking lows. And I'm like, this is bullshit. What the fuck are we doing? Why are we still doing this in 2025? The year of. Our Lord and savior. Beyonce. Jazelle Knowles. Laid down in the life so I could do what exactly. Do a shot of fireball and blackout. Shut the fuck up. Fireball. Remember that. That's just first time I had a fireball, I blocked out. Well, yeah, it's fireball. Horrible. I didn't know. I told you. I didn't know, there's a reason why everybody wants to, as fireball, they say. Yeah, no. Okay. Well, we learn, we make mistakes and we learn from them. All we make mistakes and we don't learn from them and we make them again. And then, yeah. We feel like we have just been in the bottom eyes and then we don't learn from them. And then we do it again. And then from them. Oh, listen. Sometimes if partying is fulfilling to you, it can be fulfilling to you. if you like that. And that's your vibe and that's your priority. I think people at different points in their life, they might have been a priority for you. And might've been fulfilling for you 18 years old, but now at this age that you are right now. It's not the priority that you might want to spend your time on. Like, this is not like I don't want to be partying when I'm 30. I don't want to be partying right now. I don't want to be partying all the time. Focused on a hobbies, hobbies. We had a hobby. You have hobbies. I have hobbies. I know what I'll be like, you know? Did them. What if we did them? It's compostable. We bought tennis rackets. We were like, we didn't play tennis. At his once. Yeah, I got rollerblades and I went rollerblading twice. I think when you're spending half your time being hung over and half your time being wasted off your face. You don't have time or the energy or the mental capacity to do any of the fun things you actually want to do, and that are actually fulfilling in life. Like farmer's markets are fulfilling for me. I haven't gone to a farmer's market since I moved here. But sometimes when you are hungover, And you order a Wingstop that's fulfilling to me. Not the next day when you're on that fucking toilet, the Wingstop roots. You have destroyed our entire, all three of our toilets. I helped. Ah, this is getting too personal. A manager's going to be listening to this. And be like what Sheila encouraged us to make this podcast. We had this idea for so long and our manager was like, this is my dream come true. She's now listening to this. And she's like, what the. What have I unleashed onto the fucking world? Well, okay, so we've reached the pot, the episode, we're about to play a dinner party game, because if you didn't guess from the set up you are at the dinner table. And we are your hosts. It didn't get you into food though. I'm sorry. So. Diet Coke. If you want. We're really bad hosts today. Ooh, I got one. Fuck marry, kill. Jin. Tequila. And fireball. Those were shit options. Cause I'm murdering fireball. Okay. Oh, I'm going to. Fuck tequila. It's just time. Isn't it? Yeah. Then I'm going to have to marry. boring. Gives me a fucking migraine. Also makes me depressed. Much like marriage. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. Great, great. that was easy. Thank you so much for coming on this journey with us. We are about to embark on a wild ride. I have a fucking Pitchfork. And about to dig into the ground or using a pitch. Dig into my soul. You should use a shovel. What do you use pitchforks for like leaves? You know, like a pile of leaves. And you're like pick up the leaves and put them somewhere else. You don't dig what Pitchfork do, you know? No. I feel like you like dig into the ground and you can't twist it around and it like really gets the roots out. What would you know about manual labor? I don't, I don't have calluses. Trump let's use a shovel. Dig in with. This isn't a fucking morgue. We're not digging into the ground. That was just a metaphor. This whole show is about as digging in with our knives and folks. Cause it's there. The whole spoon could be shove a whole. Theme is oh, fucking owl. It could be a spoon. The whole theme is. We're at dinner and we're digging in. I do get into the good old grub. please join us next time, where we also will discuss something again in great length that will also open up every scar and wound I have inside my soul and make your ears bleed. You're welcome. You're welcome. you should follow subscribe. Rate us on everything that's possible. Leave some comments, give us some ideas. We've comments on Spotify. I didn't have that kind of crazy. Here's why you can do on Spotify. That is crazy. You can watch videos of podcasts and Spotify that is too much. I don't know. Fluffy's doing too much. It's such too much. I'm at, I'm at a bed. I'm a boomer age. I don't know what's happening. You're a boomerang. You just sent that. You're right on your sobriety journey in gay world. I'm a boomer. Yeah, no, you were so Bigay that you were like fiasco. No, one's gonna be my friend anymore. As if you had that many to begin with. Oh, And this is marriage folks. Thank you so much. Put your knife and fork down and get the fuck out.