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Let's Dig In

Double Income No Kids

March 26, 2025 • Matt and Omar • Season 1 • Episode 14

The number one question we get..."when are you gonna have kids???" The answer? NEVER EVER EVER EVER. Let's dig into all the reasons why we've chosen to never have children!

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Matt Benfield's video recording: 0:00

Wow. We put our tits out today as we should. Our tits should be out 24 7 audio show. There's partly video on this show, and welcome to our home as if you're coming over for dinner and our Ts are out and that's what it would be like if you were coming over for dinner. As our friends can attest to, our tits are all the time. Hello. Hi. Welcome back to Let's Dig In. We are your hosts, Matt and Omar. Oh, I know. Sometimes you wanna do an intro The last two times I've said that. I said, where we are, your hosts. Yeah. Do you remember? Yeah. That's how I was trying to say, we are your hosts. We are your host. Where we are. Your Where we are. Yeah. I just adlib last time'cause of my, the blunders. You never know what you're gonna get with the show with me specifically. Mm. What am I gonna say next? What are you gonna say next? Who knows? Up the bum. There's a British saying for the topic that we're gonna be speaking. It's not saying, yes, it is isn. What other kind of saying would it be? I saw it when I was in Thailand like 10 years ago. It makes more sense. There's a British saying. There's a British saying about the topic that we're gonna hit on today, and it's up the bu. No baby. And it means if you have gay sex, you'll not have a baby. And I personally think that should be the title of this episode, but. Omar thinks differently. So that will not be the title, but it is my title of this episode. I told you that that saying even existed and I love it. Yeah, and it's my hyper fixation right now. Free. We are gonna be talking about today, we're gonna be digging into the idea you did it right for the first time ever. I know. I always say dive. We're gonna be digging into the idea of not the idea. Yeah. We're not fucking having kids down. The philosophy. Sit down. The philosophy of not having children dink wad. If you will. Ew dink. What is the lamest term ever double the most? No kids Annoying without. With a dog. With a dog. Ah. That is the most annoying millennial bullshit that we've ever come up with. IAD squad as a society. Hashtag dink squad. Hashtag dink squad. Like God, what we are, it's dink squad couples, but it is what we are. It just sounds lame. Dink wad. Double income. No kids. With a dog. And that's what we are in my mind when I was young. Is that why I wanted for my life? Yeah. I definitely was young. A double income. No kids with a dog. Yeah. Mm. I was like, oh my God, when I grew up, I wanna be a dink squad. You said those exact words. Yes. You wished on the shooting star. I wish. On the shooting star said, please hear me. Let me be a dig squad. Please hear me. Who? Who am I praying to as a 9-year-old? Who am I praying to? Awa. I am trying to think of something a bit more fun. Fucking canal. Jesus. No, that's less fun. You got less fun. Buddha. That's more fun. Okay, that's more fun. Keep going. The Scientology. God, I was thinking like, fucking heck day. The Scientology. God. No, I was thinking like he day or I don't know. Okay. Do he day fucking Zeus or some shit? Not Zeus.'cause Eew man. Athena not the goddess of war. Here we are and here you are. And the age old question has come up again. Do you want kids? Do you want kids? Oh my God. Do you want kids? Ah, you'd be great parents. Oh my God. Can't wait till you guys to have kids. Shut up. That is the number one comment we've, we get all the time. Oh my God. Shut the fuck up. First of all, shut the fuck up. Oh my God. It'd be so nice to have, see like a little mini you running around. I'm a terror as it is. There is no reason for another one of me to be running around this planet. It'd be nice to have one of me. No they wouldn't. You are insufferable. But what if we combined they the best of each other into one little baby? I'm not creating a genetically mutated little beast running around this planet. that baby would be cute. What if we did that and they were a mutant? Oh, and then they closed, then I would definitely want actual terror on the planet. I would definitely want it, which saw the end of the world. I would definitely want it. That sounds like sci-fi can get behind. Should. A mutant baby. Should mutant baby. Honestly. Better than, yeah. Better than a fucking human baby. Ew. Boring ass human baby. No powers. Let's have a mutant baby. No powers fucking loser. I do want to see. I don't wanna have a baby. Number one, I do wanna see what we would look like if we had a baby, what that baby would look like. AI can do that for you. I wanna see how it would grow up and how like attractive it would be later. AI can do that for you. And then if it was ugly, then it well, my brother baby, well my brother and his fiance will have kids in the next five years, I'm sure. But she's a ginger. So the next are gonna be a little bit different. Yeah, same. Yeah. Similar sim. Similar just like change the hair color. Different, yeah. Just like pretend. did you always think? You didn't wanna have kids? I think so, like from the beginning, like in my mind, I can't think I can't think I've always wanted. Actually, maybe not, because when I was like young, I, you know, I I would play like Polly Pocket and like with little baby stroller games, all the, you've heard the strollers? I don't know. My, oh my God, I think my cousin had a baby. Wee Wee. Oh, the ones that Pee baby. Wee Wee. Yeah. I don't know if it was from like Mattel or some shit. Baby Wee. We, I don't know what it is about. About toy manufacturers and marketing baby products to babies. no girls. Here's a baby. Yeah. To, to little girls. Here is a infant that not even here is a newborn that you can take care of. Yeah. There was one called Baby Wee We love, I remember it so well. Love baby wee wee. Baby wee wee. He needs to wee. It's gone. Uh, wee baby Wee Wee baby Wee wee. What was that the song? That was it. That was the, the song for Baby Wee and the only thing, oh no, he went Wee wee. And this baby would be fed water and then fed. It would go fed water. It would go Mama wee wee. And then you'd take his little diaper off and it's tiny little dinky. Ew. No, it's crazy. It's tiny little plastic dinky with like squirt water out. Was it only a boy? It was, It was a boy, yeah. So you could only have PO really show Ah, yes, anatomy of urine wouldn't work with girl. What is this conversation about? What the fuck? That's so weird. It wouldn't poo. I feel like there is one that poofs. I think there is one that poos. Maybe it's in a more advanced mood. Who wants that though? That's so fucking weird. You know what it is that's so fucking weird. You know, It's the toy companies wanting to raise good mothers. Yeah. It's patriarch. I'm blaming patriarchy. It's definitely patriarchy. It's patriarchy. We're like women should be child bearers and home wives. Home wives. Home wives. Housewives. Housewives. Exactly. Yeah. Yes. And then the men should, and men should be play well. I played castle. What the fuck? I had a castle and I love that. Every single episode it starts with some sort of childhood trauma, Yeah, I played with Castle. I played Yugi, did not play with little girls. I did you yo too. Did you? Yeah, I did. You, yo, you didn't tell me that. I used to collect UO cards. You didn't tell me that. Yeah. I used to collect UO cards. You didn't tell me you played uo. Yeah, I knew. I knew you knew some of the cards, but I didn't know you played. Blue-eyed white motherfucking dragon bitch. No, a dark sorcerer. Oh my God. Conty, what was it called? The Purple Magician? Dark Magician. The Dark Magician. The Dark Magician with Cial. Oppose. Oh, love. No, it was like contorted. There was one, was there one that was like, like a celestial angel looking one. Yes. Don't remember the name. Yeah, I don't remember that, but I was like, so that's me. No babies. I was like, oh my God, so cute babies. Ah, I never thought that. I never wanted kids. I think I, and then I think when I grew older, I would use my cousin's babies for Instagram photos and then like throw them away. Not you using them for clout. I remember, I remember like the first time I like, I know one of my cousins had a kid and I was like, let me take a photo with this baby. You'll get so many likes on Instagram. That is the only reason to have a baby or to have children. Yeah, to take pictures. My bloggers run to something. Honestly. Exploitation of children. Listen if I did have a baby, I would probably want to be one of those people.'cause I wouldn't care. Because I don't care about their wellbeing. You'd be moving to Tennessee, wouldn't you? I would be moving to Tennessee if moving to Arizona. Wow. You, wherever they move is a terrible person. I'm a ter. I would be a terrible parent is what I would be. And I can say that with a full, full heart, full heart of hatred. Because we're never having kids. I would never have kids. We would never be, we wouldn't be here right now. No, we wouldn't be here. Sat right now recording this episode if it wasn't for. Both of our mutual disdain for childbirth. There are people childbirth as if we get to do it. Literally we don't do anything. there are people who had children before we even met. Like at our, the age that we were when we met, there were people who were already like having 1-year-old, two year olds. And I was like, could you imagine? I can imagine right now having a baby at my grown age of 30. Could you imagine at 23 having a baby? My god. In high school? No. There was a girl doing a GCs E. That's crazy. Like fully pregnant. That's crazy. Yeah. And she kept it. Yeah, she kept it. That's crazy. She's got two kids now. That's crazy. She's kind of thriving. Thriving. in high school. Should we? In high school? High school's. Crazy. Yeah,'cause we were 16. I are we in high school at 16 and she was 16 doing a GCSEs. That's wild. Yeah. Like right now, I couldn't imagine being responsible for another living, being much less at 16. You have a dog, you have a dog. She barely lives. You have a dog. She barely lives. She lives. Hey, don't diminish her life like that. She's looking at the ground right now, just staring at the ground because the ground is something that she wants. a being that needs to go to college. Let's say that she could go to college or Todd could go to college. I don't think she's smart enough for that. She get her doctorate in. What? I don't know. What does she like to do? Stare out the window. Yeah. Guard the neighborhood. Cybersecurity. Yeah. She'd be really good at cybersecurity. So there's a girl on TikTok with a list. That's the, that's gonna be, that's gonna be the bulk of today. The list. Have you seen the list? You've seen the list? Yeah. There's a girl on TikTok with the list about the reasons why she would never have reasons to remain child free. I love the word child free. People hate the word child free. Parents hate the word child free. People think that child-free people are bitter and they lack joy in whatever else the fuck that they think that we lack when we're on our fucking private yachts, having the best vacation of our lives. Where's your private yacht? I don't know. I want a private yacht from not having a childhood, and I'm not saying it sending it to college. Where's my yacht? there are people who think the only thing that will bring you joy in life is children. My mom has asked, and I'm like, if you don't shut the fuck up, there's at least one person in both of our families who is having kids, so that's fine. We don't need to have kids to be happy. For us, these are among many reasons why we chose to be child free. Number one, they are your responsibility for. Forever. That's forever. Forever. For the rest of my life. I have another responsibility. No, Evie's gonna die in 10 years. 10. She's gonna hang on for a while. She's going to, she'll be, she's four or five max. We'll see. So even better. Even better. Then she's gone. And then if I want a more responsibility, I can go get a cat. I can get a dog. No responsibilities. Exactly. Or I could just live my life without responsibilities of, for caring for another thing. I think people also say who's gonna look after you when you're in the nursing home? People I pay, I would rather pay someone or be around like friends or I don't know, grow old with the people I care about. Mm-hmm. Rather than have a child who's burdened with. The last few years of my life burdened not the burden and is resentful of the fact that they have to take care of me. That's the thing. Whenever I'm not doing that. Like I'm not gonna be doing that. Yeah. For my, I'm not gonna be there for my parents throughout their last remaining year. Parents, I say parents, if I give a fuck about my dad, my mom I'll be close by. I'll be hopping over, back and forth. Yeah, but that's why you have other brothers. That's why I have other brothers who live in the uk, but in my mind I'm like. I also dunno if she's like, stay with me forever. That's not something she's asking me to do. It's not something I'm gonna ask my child to do. People always say that. That's like the main thing. Who's gonna look after you to when you're older? Why are we guilting people to having children? Just so that someone can look after them when they're older. People have strange relationships with their parents. People's parents suck. Yeah. So first of all, I'm like people, most of the people that ask this question, I'm like. But also, why am I gonna be spending so much of my time, money, energy, stress, all of these things that come with having a child for 18 years and then they're off to college and then their college years, and then they grow up, whatever. Why am I gonna spend like that much time? Number two, they take a huge chunk of your money. They take a huge chunk of your Exactly. Yeah. That I like spending my money on myself and you and Evie. And I'm like, that's Number seven, children can inherit your mental illnesses. I've already inherited my parents' mental illnesses. Do I need to pass that on to other people? I heard something on TikTok today. Is that your egg that you were made into or of, or from whatever, you weren't made into an egg. You were made from an egg. Yes. Whatever from the egg. You were an egg. That egg existed in your grandma. Existed in your grandma. Yeah. So the things that your grandma was experiencing had an effect on you. Yeah. And that's crazy. I know. Like What was my grandma experience? The fucking dust bowl. What is a dust bowl? The Dust bowl. During the Great Depression. Huh? During the Great Depression, there was a dust bowl. Grandma, like Trilby? Yeah. RIP Trilby. the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl. She was born in 1928. Fucking how? During the beginning of the Great Depression. It is crazy. She went through that and that had an effect on me, and that's crazy. In the year 2025. Oh, a hundred years. That's crazy. Wait, 1925. 28. That is crazy. Oh my God. So a hundred years ago the essence of you was born. I guess so, but does it start whenever like a girl goes through pub puberty? No, I think the egg or the egg is always there. There's like. or there the, this, I don't know. I'm not a fucking biologist here. I'm talking about childbirth when I'm like, I'm never gonna be able to even do that. Yeah. So not only are you responsible for the mental illnesses of your offspring, you are responsible for the mental illnesses of their offspring. Crazy. And that's too much responsibility for me to bear. The bloodline can end with me, to be quite honest with you. What is the big, what is the big deal? What is a big idea with bloodlines? Why is that important? No, I really don't know. Why is it important? Because people are also like, what's gonna happen to your, like your wealth and your I don't know, spread it to the masses. Your like property and stuff. I'm like, I'm just gonna give it to my mates. I don't give a fuck. I don't care. What am I gonna do with my wealth? I'm gonna have nieces and nephews. Yeah. Give it to them. Pick your favorite one. No, because they don't exist yet. Yeah. The thing is that they don't exist yet, so in my mind I'm like, fuck them. I'm like, I have a long line of friends that I'm gonna give it my shit to literally, if my will is being written out and those little bitches aren't in it yet. Yeah. Do a lottery, give it to someone random. No. I don't care about random. See, this is the problem. I don't care about things that don't exist yet. Okay? These babies don't exist yet. Oh my God, I love this one. Okay. They can be bullied. Is number 17 on the list? They can be bullied, but number 18, they can be bullies. No. Imagine raising a little shit, first of all. So sad. Imagine raising a little bit of a loser. Oh, that'd be not a loser. And that'd be really sad. Yeah. And that I'd be really sad. And I'd feel really sorry for he, she, they. But do you think we would raise Fuck no. A bully or bully? This is what I mean. I feel like a victim or a no. A perpetrator. I think a perpetrator for sure. No, but I feel like if we were responsible for our own child, a result might be a little bit different. Would it be a mean girl or a My child would be a little bit of a mean girl. Yeah. Your child would be a little bit of a nerd, but then together and then together. Maybe they're like the best of both world. Both worlds. No, we're not talking about hypothetical babies now. I'm not talking about hypothetical baby. All of a sudden having, but then they can be bullied and that's really sad.'cause imagine your kid coming home from school and just being like, that's so sad. He was bullied There are 8 billion people in the world. 8 billion going on. Nine is one too many. Nine. I think there's 9 billion, eventually. Nine. I think we're going back in my day. There was seven back in my day. There were six. When was the six in elementary school? Oh, maybe there was six, nine. Do you remember? I remember it turning to seven and I was like, in high school. I don't remember that. It was definitely six when I was growing up. That's too many people. And you want I heard. No, I think I remember seeing that. I remember seeing in the TikTok video, And however many years the human population's gonna like peak. Yeah. At a certain level. And it's not gonna get any higher than that. Yeah. Which is like 15 million, I think. 15 billion. Billion, yeah. Yeah. Billion, 15 billion. Yeah. I think that was the number. No, I could be making this up. How can we have, so what if we just all stopped having babies? We are just for a few years, the US birth rate is declining. Thank God. There's no more, this is the last thing that we need more US baby. More American little fucks, no more of the rest of the world. Sure. Not us. Now we can cut it back on the UK too a little bit. But although, here's the thing, here's the downside of that. Speaking in America, The Republicans are having babies. The Democrats are not having babies. Oh, no, wait. Yeah. No. They're gonna out us. So we're losing us. They're gonna outnumber us. They're gonna outnumber us. No, I didn't even think about that. Yeah. What do we do? A very, I'm not having a baby. So the thing is, the thing that could you imagine? First of all, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. You wake up in the morning, it's 6:00 AM to the sounds of a howling. Monster. You think it's that late? No. No. You think it? You think it. It's 6:00 AM I'm telling something. Listen to my story. You're participating in my reality right now. Listen, 6:00 AM howling. Howling sounds of a monster. Wake you up. You've had an hour and 45 minutes of sleep. Because an hour and 45 minutes ago you just laid that beast down to rest. After it was howling for two hours at 4 45. Yeah. So here you are awake again. Days ahead of you. You have to change feed, bathe a beast. Then you have to. Maybe try and bathe yourself. Are you gonna go to the gym? No. You're too tired. You are gonna try and eat some food'cause you need to sustain your life. No. You've gotten a bit fat. Ah, you've gotten a bit ugly. Your hairs overgrown. You don't have time to go To the barber. No. You're balding. Oh. And you're balding from stress. And the few hairs that you have got left are gray. That hurts. Your back might be broken. Yeah. Your back hurts all the time. You stink. You smell like shit. And you're ugly. And you're ugly and you're bald and you're fat. And you're fat. And all of this sounds appealing to you. This is specifically you I was talking to you about. Hey. Yeah.'cause I would be the one raising it. I'm not having babies. This is what I said. If we were, if we on our first date didn't discuss Oh, totally. Yeah. Like we talked about so many things and like it just came up. We were like, do you wanna have kids? And we're like, no, not really. Yeah. And you were like, no, me neither. No. Great. We've just like really stuck with that. And it's like fucking, we like, just like really driven the idea home that we like truly never wanna have kids. No, we never revisited it. Never. I've never been like there. What do you think? There's never been a, a time in my life where I've been like,'cause also right now. I feel so young still, I couldn't possibly imagine having a child at this current age. Yeah. Whereas so many of my friends have babies. Yeah. Or cousins have babies or people that we know having are having kids, adopting children, going through surrogacy. And here I am, like we're going on 5,000 trips. Yeah. and I'm like, I couldn't imagine having a child and doing that and like continuing my life. And people think it's selfish. They say it's selfish to not want to have, but why? Why is it selfish? Why is it selfish? I'm just living my fucking life. Oh, you're selfish for not wanting a kid.'cause to like produce a child and to have a child come to, I don't give a fuck. But you know what that is? You knew then you know what that idea is capitalism. That's like in their head. It's like you are selfish for not having a kid because everyone should have a kid to to. Fucking contribute to the world, contribute to the cog that we live in as a no contribute to the machine as a cog. And that's what it is. And that's why society is set up to be. And that's why everyone says, Hey, you're a piece of shit for not having a child, but I'm an angel for having a child. I'm like, no. Okay. And here. Oh my God. And don't get me started on the fucking pro-lifers, two pro-life. Two pro-life. Two pro-life. Are you embarrassed? Yeah. Are you not embarrassed? Yeah. Pro-life, but pro gun. I'm like pro-life, but that don't work. But pro Tesla. Ugh. That is the, that is anti-life. Pro-life. But pro cyber truck. Get out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Disgusting. It's crazy work. I think because like I come from a family of like people who I don't know, it's just like everyone has children and everyone's excited to have children and everyone's like, kids, kids, kids. Woo. My mom had three chi four. Ooh. Who are you gonna cut off there? Mm-hmm. In my mind it always just slips out. Even though my brother, my youngest brother is 23, it just slips out that I'm like, oh, just skip over that one. Yeah, no, I know I don't skip. Sorry. Love you. Four children. My mom's mom had I think seven or eight children. No. Yeah, my sister has four children. Do we know like people with more than seven children? Like my grandma, like I'm not friends with Mormons. No. No. Thank God. Fuck. I don't know. No, my sister is the person who I know have has the most kids, and that's four, like currently has the most kids, which I think is crazy. Yeah, I have a friend who's my age who has two, and that's, I feel like that's normal. N two is a good number. Two is two is a great number. Two is a great number, right? Three is a good number. Four is just like pushed up. Look, being like judgy, like you have as many kids as you fucking want. But I'm like, I think that's fucking weird. This podcast is for us to judge you. We are judged fucking weirdo and execution, fucking weirdo. What are you doing having 17 children? What the fuck? Get a life. What do you need them for? The farm. The farm. That is actually the reason people had a lot of babies. For workers on the farm? I guess back in the day. Back in the day, yeah. In the fucking 18 hundreds. Sure. 17 hundreds. No, he had 19 hundreds. I guess. Oh, and like, you know, the, everything was bubonic and the child mortality rate was so low. Well, That was the 1600. Oh, okay. Let's um, the pub play, the Salem Witch trial No. Another reason that babies, could you imagine having a baby in the pandemic? Oh my god. Could you imagine having had a baby in the pandemic stockpile diapers too, along with, with the toilet of the paper? Oh my God. Imagine having to buy diapers. Like we have to buy poop bags. Dog food. We pay a, they buy her treat. Groom her to groom her every couple of months. Yeah, we. What else do we do? She's got a cute little harness. This is the, that's it. That's the extent of my expenses. Yeah. And the vet every so often. Vaccines. Yeah. Okay, so it's cheap to have a dog. Yeah. It's cheap enough. That's is the benefit of having a nanny or boarding school. But then you have to pay for those things too. Yeah, I would do boarding school. You'd ship a child after the bargaining school? Yeah. The skill. Skill. Why does say skill like that? I don't know. Oh, another big thing. Big thing. The thing that really irks us whenever we are on vacation. Oh, Oh my God. Keep your little shit away from me. I go to a hotel and it's somewhat luxury. Why the fuck is your child? I'm got, I'm getting my conte b. I am at the hotel breakfast, getting my Conti B, stacking it up. The other fucking week when we were in Thailand, I was walking back to my table with my continental breakfast that I had curated immaculately onto my plate. Beautiful. Why are these three, three children running around the dining room? fancy place. Yeah. It was beautiful. Yeah. Five star resort. Why are these children running around amuck? First of all, ruining my vibe. Yeah. Killing the feng shui of the whole building. Yeah. And um, producing such a noise that now I need to go go for a massage to forget about. Imagine going, my life is so hard, you guys, it's hard for you. Imagine being a parent with a child at one of those places and you are trying to enjoy yourself. You are going on vacation to have a vacation. I don't understand why, actually, I do not understand why parents bring their babies to like Disneyland, like baby babies, like baby. Like One, two or zero to two, whatever. I don't know because it like, they're not gonna remember it. I went to Disney World. I was like a fucking 3-year-old. Do I remember it? No. Did you probably had fun though? I probably do. You know what? Selfish What that? What? Because it's not for them. It's not for the child. It's for the parent to be like, oh my God, I took my 1-year-old. To the to, to Disney. It feels more stressful than, what's a fuck Disney. Have you ever been. No, I would never go to Disney. We should go. No, I would truly, I would never go to Disney. First of all, I hate everything. Second of all, I hate children, right? Third of all, I hate Disney. I don't give a fuck. I don't. What if you grew, what if you're a child? Are you about to come out as a Disney adult? What if your child grew up and it was to be a Disney adult and it was a Disney adult? That's what would you do? Ugh. Just So what would you do? Bring out the guillotine, not the guillotine. that would not stand in my household. Why? Have a question. Yeah. Why is it that baby elephants can come out and start swinging their trunks around? Oh yeah. And baby humans can't because baby elephants are pregnant. Elephants are pregnant for like 18 months. I love that. You just ask a question that you did patient. I mean, I can't imagine being pregnant.'cause Pregnancy for nine months. Sounds crazy. Yeah, for 18 months sounds like I would kill myself. That's crazy. Do you ever think back to when your parents had you in that exact date, based on your birthday? What do you mean? Like the 1st of June? Yeah, like if it was, if it was like Valentine's Day. Or if it was like Christmas, oh, if it was like a holiday. The date of consummation. The date of consummation. Consummation conception. Because mine, I think was around Valentine's Day. Conception. Conception, consummation, consummate. No, it's consummating. The marriage, which is having sex. Yeah. And conception. Conception is when the baby is, when the egg sperm goes into the egg. When embryo is created. When baby be born, baby be born. No conception When baby be made. That's what pro-lifers think pro-lifers think that life starts at conception. When you're clum of cells, fuck off. Can that clum of cells do anything? No, Yeah, you're not a morning person, so like how are you gonna take care of a child? I'm still hypothetically thinking that we might have a child one day, which we won't. We're not. But I'm saying like, what if you're not a morning person? If you told me one day, if you were like, I wanna have a child, and you're really adamant on having a baby, we're breaking up. I don't care, obviously, but I would never do that. I would want another dog. No, I would, we're breaking up. Do you want a cat? I do want a cat. I don't know why. Okay. We got a dog in the pandemic. No, right before the pandemic And yeah, it was like, we got a puppy. What the fuck did we know about raising a puppy? Yeah. That was difficult. Yeah. And like she was pretty easy. I would say she was pretty easy to like take care of, teach how to do things. Pee outside. Yeah. Easy. Yeah. But the beginning, like week or so, when we were getting used to schedules and stuff, waking up at like 6:00 AM to take her out, I'd be like, this was, oh God. Yeah. That was torture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did I do that? Because look at her. She's so cute. She's cute now. Yeah. But in my mind, I'm like, what did I know about raising a living creature? Um,'cause now I want a cat.'cause they're very self-sufficient. Exactly. Yeah. Love. And I just feel love that, I just feel like I'm more of a cat person. I do love dogs so much. You are a black cat. Yeah. I am a golden retriever. I just love how cundy they are. I'm just like, also like I really resonate with that like mindset. I'm like sometimes give me attention, but sometimes leave me the fuck alone. Yeah. Yeah, that's literally you. Yeah. And me. I'm just like, yeah. You're like, hello. How are you? What are you doing? Oh God. Hi. Oh, what's that? Huh? Can I have some imagine picking up poo of EVs, but 10 times worse because it's in a diaper. What's better? Where is this conversation? Because this is another problem of having kids poopy diapers. Whereas I was like, would you rather pick up a giant turd through a plastic bag in the garden? Yeah. Or change like a mushy diaper. You're not just changing it. Have you changed diapers before? No. Ew. Never. No. See that's crazy to me. Obviously, I'm not cleaning Evie's butt hole, am I? No, that's true. I used to change diapers. My little brother stinky. I used to change my little brother's diapers. Stinky my little brother's diapers. Isn't that so crazy? I was nine when he was born. Yeah. Your mom was like, I'm too tired. You take care of this child. Well, Do you know what the thing is? I think, I don't know if that was easy for her to have three cognizant children already when she had a fourth one. Yeah. Because we, I feel like I, I remember doing a lot. see, this is white people have multiple kids. Yeah. To be like, there's another one, someone else take care of it. Someone else just deal with it. But the name of my mind, I'm like, first one. And you have the second one pretty much straight after and that's cool. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. No, because first of all. I dunno, people like it. Who am I to say no, this is the point. Sometimes I'm like, who am I to say fucking weirdos. This is the point. Some people can like things, we don't like them. I think it's so great. The society that we live in is so child-focused and child friendly. What? You know, What's bad? What? Stepping on a Lego that's just like randomly on the floor. The mess involved. Oh my god. Around. Like I, I'm annoyed when Evie's toys are randomly outside. I'm not annoyed. She's so thoughtful. She keeps'em all in the corner What, the only thing I have to deal with is like a stray tennis ball somewhere. Sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. But imagine like a kid's mess also. Did you see that one fucking kid? Yes. Of the hot sauce? Yes. Yes. Hot sauce all over the couch. Yes. And what was it, chola, I think. Yeah. And then the, and the parent was like very gentle parroting parenting. And I was like, it's time we end that, eh, it's time we end that. Who am I to say? But is gentle parroting the way to go. I wasn't gentle parented. No, I wasn't either. No. Yeah. Not in turned out swell. Also, kids are dumb nowadays because I don't think the parenting is going well. Oh my God. You can't read. Kids can't read. Yeah. Do you know kids can't read? They can't read I don't think. I don't know if the education system is broken, but I've seen kids doing math nowadays and I'm like, what the fuck is that? Oh my God, they do that. So weird. What is it? They do maths. So weird. What are they doing? Like we would do, they're drawing diagrams. Yeah, full diagrams for like plus two to like do multiplication or something. That's like the simple multiplication. I think that's crazy. Like we would, if we were gonna plus add something, 15 plus two, you would go put 15 on the top and then two and then add and then down. So one seven. That's so easy. I've seen them doing like fucking magic tricks, trying to figure out that Oh yeah. That equation. Oh yeah. I do that with multiplication too.'cause you'd do if it was like long multiplication, you would do 3, 5, 6 times by 28. Yeah. And you'd like. Times that by that and then that by that, and then that by that, and then that. By that I'm like, this is why we have calculators. The diagram. Yeah, I know exactly. Also, you'd have to listen to Coco Melon all the time and like annoying kids songs. Oh my God. That would be really annoying. The troll soundtrack, like when my little brother was growing up, I did watch. A lot of tally puppies and, what was it, Tweenies. Oh, I feel like everything's so different because it was on tweenies. The BBC had a children's network. Yeah. Called cbb. CBBs. CBBs. It was called CBBs. That's cute. I like that. Bbs, what does it stand for? At CBBs. Oh, just CBBs? I don't know. Okay. I don't fucking know. Okay. It's just spelled C-B-E-E-B-I-E-S. CBBs. Oh, that's not what I thought. I thought it was a CBB. No. CBBs and spell out. Okay. And then what would we watch? We would watch Blues Clues. Yeah. We, you know, blues clothes. Yeah. Obviously I fuck with blues clothes. Dora was on that shit too. Live for Dora. But at the time I was like, this is really fun. I like that. That's cute. Because I was like nine or 10 and I'm like, do you know what? I'm young enough that I still enjoy this. But I'm old enough that I still enjoy this. Was SpongeBob in that, SpongeBob came a little bit late. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. More was five or six and I was like, courage cow with the dogs. 16. Yeah. Whoa. Courage. That's not a children's show. No, but I did watch it as a child. Oh my God. Having to censor things your children watch. Ah, the shit that I was hit. Another reason. Another reason. One big fat reason. Yeah. The shit that I was doing at 13, 14. Yeah. If I could, if I had a child and I was imagining them doing that. At 13, 14. Uhuh, permanently grounded, Uhuh, permanently locked in a tower throw with key until you're of age. So you throw down your hair until you throw down your locks, or a dragon comes to save you or some shit. Yeah. Having to deal with that. Having to be like there present for all those years. All of the tantrums, all of the rebellions. kids can ruin marriages. Kids have no sense of boundaries. Kids can be too honest and end up breaking your heart. Kids cause burnout. there's so much. kids suck and that's the end of that. Sorry if you think opposite, but we all have our opinions. And I will never have a child, not in this life. One of my biggest fears, oh my God, it's been a nightmare. It's been a nightmare of mine. Have you seen that movie with, there was an actress who was like really big and up and coming and then she like was apparently a terrible to, to work with and so she's just like, her career, didn't amount to anything. What was that movie she was in? It was like a dumb rom-com and it here, the premise of the movie. Lead actress. Best friends with person. Okay. Lead actor. Best friends with husband of person. Yeah. But they never got on. Ever. Enemies to lovers, if you will, right? This is the story of the plot line, but their best friends die in a car accident or some shit, and in their will, they leave behind the baby to them. That is my worst nightmare. Is that legal? To just leave a baby to a person without saying, telling them no, I guess if you're a godparent. I think they were godparents. Okay. So that's the thing. Never say yes to being a godparent. Fuck no. This is the thing. Fuck no, there's no benefit to that. No, no, no. Never say yes to being a godparent. Never say yes to being a godparent. That is the moral of the story. There is no benefits to doing that. There's only a negative having a child. What's the benefit? doing something that your wants to, honestly is one of my biggest nightmares in life. To wake up one day. And then someone's oh, you're in the will to take care of this child for the rest of your life. And I'm like,'cause you can't say no. You can't say no. Oh, I'm saying no. You've already said Yeah, but you can't have I, when did I say Yeah, when you decided to be a godparent? Oh yeah. No, I'm not doing that. Yeah, but if you did, but this is the thing. I'm not doing that. Yeah. But if you did, if there was a world where you said yes to being a godparent to like, I thought godparents were like, just like a religious thing. No. cause why is my brother a godparent to some random kid? I think it's like a. It's just like a thing that can be religious or not. People are crazy, but it's like, I will take care of your child if you dead. And then it's there yours forever. Yeah. That's my worst nightmare. Yeah. That's my worst nightmare for sure. And that's why we're never gonna do that. Similar of the story. No children. No children ever. And if you want children, it's fine. I'm not judging you. I would never. that drained me. I'm not gonna lie. You can hear it in my voice. The idea that even the concept of children just drained. I need a nap. And guess what? Because I have the luxury of doing so, I just might. Because we also have to do today it's 3:00 PM today here on a Tuesday. Today here on a Tuesday, the day that we're filming this episode. The year of our Lord. The Year of our Lord and Savior, Dua Lipa. Have you seen sh her show in Melbourne? My God, yes. You've seen her show. She's in Australia. Yes, I've seen it. She's fucking, that's my mom. That is my mother. She birthed you. I get to have an nap and then it's gonna do a bit of editing. I'm just gonna chill for a bit. Might read my book, oh, I wanna read my book. In peace and quiet. And that is just And harmony. Harmony. And that is just the benefit of being a d dink wad. That is just the benefit of being a dink wad. Look, I wanna name this episode Dink Wad So bad, but I'm so embarrassed by that word. Dink wad. Is there a funnier way to say it? Have you, you just said it. Yeah, you just said it. You just said the funny way of saying it. Dink what is stupid? but it's what we are Exactly. And we can't deny it any longer. If you love this episode, please give us a review on Apple Podcasts. Subscribe wherever we wanna subscribe and follow us everywhere. Five stars, only. Five stars only, and we'll see in the next one. Bye when? When? When? Shut up.