The Weight We Carry

How does hiding parts of who we are affect our mental health? And as we step into adulthood, how can we begin shaping a multicultural identity that truly feels like our own? In this episode, Student Assistant Counselor Ms. Lauren Amisial shares thoughtful advice on navigating this challenging transition, embracing your full identity, and building a community that supports and uplifts you.

Thank you for listening!
Email: groundedindiversity@gmail.com
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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Hey everyone and welcome back to Grounded in Diversity. I'm your host, Anonyna, and today we're speaking with Ms. Lauren Amizial, a student assistant counselor and swim coach at Bridgewater Riverden High School. Ms. Amizial supports students as they make their way through high school, offering personal, social, or academic support while she addresses mental health challenges that students may face. She was recently honored with the Educational Services Professional of the Year Award as she dedicates her time towards guiding students through this difficult transitional period. And today, Ms. Amissio will offer insight into the importance of community and her advice as students and schools work to create a more inclusive environment. Hi, Ms. Amisio. We are so happy to have you here today. Now, before we get into it, could you tell us a little bit more about your career? What inspired you to become a student assistant counselor?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Oh, so this is my 19th year as a student assistance counselor. Um it has actually been a dream of mine uh to be a student assistance counselor since I was in high school. I had a nice relationship with my student assistance counselor. I thought she did so many cool programs and reached out to so many students in high school, and I just like love that role that she played in the school. So um I I did a little bit of like an internship with her when I was in high school, and then I went to college and grad school, and then I actually did my real internship with her at a high school that she was at. So she's like one of my good friends still. Um and yeah, I just really admired um how she could be a support for students within the school, and that that the role of a SAC student assistance counselor um offers that because it's sort of like a little more general. Um, you support students about like drug and alcohol issues, but you also are under the mental health umbrella, so it sort of leaves it open to just be able to support kids all the way around.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Yeah, that sounds really great. Do you mind walking us through kind of like a day in your life as a SAC focusing on students' mental well-being and their kind of just mental state as they transition to high school and adulthood?

SPEAKER_00 2:37

So my days are somewhat unpredictable. Um, I can schedule students, I could schedule my day out and sort of like book students that I want to see that I want to check in on that reach out to me, but then I also have to allow also the unknown to occur, right? So, like even right before you came down, there was a student who popped in, right? Um, and so um, and then you know, a random teacher phone call about a student they're concerned about, or you know, um sometimes there's meetings. Um, I also advise clubs, and I also know that my job as a student assistance counselor isn't just about talking to students all day long, it's also about like outreaching to the larger school community. So, you know, I'm trying to like bring in speakers or set up tables um during lunch so that students can walk by and get information from like you know, community agencies. So there's a lot of things that sort of happen throughout the day um that sometimes I can predict and sometimes I can't. Um you know, parent phone calls, uh that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

Yeah, I know that there's still like a pretty big stigma surrounding mental health, and though we've had more organizations and more discussions about it, it can still be kind of hard for students to come and reach out and try to have those discussions. So, how do you help provide that support or kind of encourage students to talk to you when they need to?

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Good question. So, like, um I mean I try to be as available as possible, right? A school this size is really hard, I'm fine. Um, I've been here for 10 years, but it's you know, I especially if I'm very busy with the students I had developed relationships with, I never get out of this office, right? And so it is really hard to uh um it's it's hard to break the stigma. I guess what I what I I know it, what uh at least what I do is I break it one one student at a time, right? So oftentimes like if I get a new student and I'm so excited when I get new students because it's an opportunity for me to say, hey, I exist and this role exists. And a lot of times students are like, oh, I didn't know that, right? Like I didn't even know someone like you was here, you know. Like I know I had a guidance counselor, but I didn't know that there was an another counselor that I could talk to, you know, about like more of like mental health issues or whatever like that. So, you know, I'm always like, tell your friends, you know, kind of thing. But um, you know, um I uh that's one of the reasons why I try to do like the outreaches and stuff, right? Is to more generally have conversations about mental health, you know, publicize that there are speakers who can come, you know, who are coming to the to the lunchtime about mental health or something like that, or through the clubs like Hope Squad, that kind of thing. Um, and then it's just like slowly hoping students get to know who I who I am or that someone like me exists. But you know, I guess that's a cool thing about working in a high school, is like, you know, we're all a big network, so like, you know, most students know they have a guidance counselor, and most guidance counselors will be quick to sort of say, hey, there's there's also like student assistance counselors in the thousand building kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Yeah, that's really nice. I think I think it's really nice that you can have this support system outside of just our counselors or teachers, like someone like you who's there to just talk about anything that we're going through. And having had these so many of these conversations with students, what have you found might be some of like the biggest challenges facing high schoolers today?

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Um I I'd say like some of the bigger the bigger themes that I talk about with students um is you know identity, right? Like figuring out who they are and what they're about and what they like and what they're interested in and you know um who they are as a growing young adult, right? Um adolescence is such a interesting time when you know you're starting to find autonomy and you want to be autonomous and your parents are sort of like, wait, no, don't, or you know, uh and you know, but so some part of the world is still treating you like a kid, and part of the world is saying, Come on, you you should know what you want to do right now, or something like that, you know, and so really like just like like the larger struggle of just like what what am I supposed to what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed who am I supposed to most who am I supposed to be, right? Could be part of it. Um I think a lot of students feel pressure, pressure's a big one, and expectations, you know, of you know, uh I you know maybe I should be doing better, you know. My job is to be a student, and I should be doing better than what I'm doing right now, or I should be ahead more than I am right now. Um you know, I um big big one is anxiety, you know. Um that's such a that's such a broad term. I feel like anxiety can cover so many things, but you know, just sort of being I I think that sort of is like feeling just uncertain about the direction they're going in. Um you know, again, back to pressure and expectations. And that could be like not even just academic, right? I mean that could just be like pressure and academic practic pressure and expectations of like how to act, how to dress, how to, you know, what to do, to go to parties, drink, smoke, like sex, that kind of thing, you know. So many societal pressures.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Mm-hmm. I think, yeah, I mean, I know I'm a senior and just talking to my friends, like there's so much we don't know about our future, and there's so much pressure to kind of just know what college you want to go to already and what career you want to pursue and what you want to do in college and just everything, and not even just academics, as you said, but like how to act in school or at home. And I think a big thing I've found is that a lot of my friends have different cultural or economic backgrounds than me, and oftentimes they're not treated equally, and being in those spaces where your background isn't fully accepted can have a really big impact on your mental health as well. So, in your experiences, how have you found that relationship between wellness and diversity and impacting students' well-being?

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Um yeah, I mean I I agree with what you're you're experiencing. I I see it too. Um you know, again, like being pulled in two different being pulled in two different worlds, not just by your age, right? You're a kid, no, you're an adult, but also culturally, right? Like, you know, if the pa if parent if your parents, you know, have a different mentality based on where they're from, yeah. And their standard or expectation is, you know, no, you should know. And we we have an outline of of of what you should be doing right now and how you should be accomplishing it, and and then maybe, you know, people at the you know, on the school level, I know I've said it to many students, like, you don't have to know what you want to be, right? Because we're trying to like lower the pressure, but then they go home and that's not the same thing that they're hearing at home, right? Or is that what you is that sort of what you mean?

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Yeah, I think, yeah, I feel like a lot of my friends have really like there's this constant tug of war kind of between what their family expects, their their cultural beliefs, and their life, like maybe immigrating to America, or what what they want to pursue. So there's that constant struggle.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Yeah, I see I see a lot of that. I see a lot of that, and um, I think it's really tough. I think it's really tough for young people who are also just developmentally not sure what they want to be, you know. So, like, um, there's so many life experiences, this is the way I think about it. I mean, there's so many life experiences that take place as you age and throughout college, throughout adulthood, that you just haven't got yet as a sheltered high school student, you know, and that's no no one's fault, it's just what life is, right? So we evolve so much as as we are getting older into our adulthood, into our 20s, into our 30s, and and the yet is it is hard to have someone say, No, you you have to know now. And they're not they're not wrong for wanting because they want the best, right? Parents want the best for you, right? So they're not doing it to be terrible, they're doing it to be loving and want you to have a successful life. Um, but it's hard, right? Because there's so much of a young person who who used you don't you honestly just don't know you don't know what you don't know yet.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Does that make sense? Like I I say that to students, like you've you've only adults we have perspective, right? Because we've lived through a bunch, and then we could say, Oh, this is what you have to do, or don't do this. Teenagers, young people, they only know what they've lived so far, right? You could give great wisdom to a middle schooler because you're a senior in high school, right? Just like I as an old person can give wisdom, right? But so it's hard. Um, and I see that I I definitely see that as a theme with um with a lot of students here is feeling sort of pulled between you know what one culture might be saying and what another culture might be saying. Um, and because you're still young your parents typically have a little bit more weight on the scale.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Yeah, I think, yeah, I agree. I think there are a lot of like cultural differences, and it can be hard to kind of blend both aspects of your culture, or like who you are at school and who you are at home, or who you are around your friends versus your parents, it can be really hard to kind of integrate all parts of your identity. And I feel like that can also put a big strain on people. So, have you found that? Like, do you think that neglecting a part of our identity can impact our mental health detrimentally? And how do you think we can start kind of integrating every aspect of who we are?

SPEAKER_00 14:06

That's a good question. You asked a good question. Um yes, I do think it could have an effect on your mental health. Um you know really feeling like your voice, you know, your your voice isn't heard, or what you're interested in or inspired by is not really valued, or something like that. So yeah, of course, something like that I think can totally have an impact on one's mental health. Um I think that a conversation that I have with students a lot is recognizing that there's a lot more runway to life, right? You're not always gonna be in this situation right now, you know. Um there is freedom around the corner, and not that you want to be free of your parents, because they are your parents, and they again they are the ones who love you the most. Um but at some point also soon, hopefully they re recognize too that you gotta also create your own path, just like they did once, too. You know. Um, so you know, um, I guess maybe the conversation is a lot of like having having appreciation for how much they want to love and protect you, and also having, you know, grace for yourself to recognize that like, you know, um it's still really good to have those interests and to try to be yourself and to just try to communicate as much as possible, and maybe maybe with the more communication you and your parents will start to um find some more common ground or they'll learn a little bit more about you.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I think that's really important, like finding that balance between who you are and what other people want you to be. And I think a big part of that, like finding that part of you, can also be the people that you're surrounded with. So how do you think community, whether it's like friends or family or just someone you meet or just school support, how do you think these people can play a role in helping students stay grounded and mentally well?

SPEAKER_00 16:53

I mean, I I think um finding balance is what's just so important, right, for mental health, right? Like um, you know, intensity of school and the you know desire to do as well as possible, but like also have fun, right? Have fun and be around your friends and be silly and do and don't talk about school when you're not in school. Um, you know, there can be such a toxic environment to a lot of the school pressure that I see. Um, and I really just hope that students can get involved in things that they all authentically want to be involved in, right? Like not just because it looks good on a resume or not be you know, not an academic club, but just a club that makes you feel good as a person, you know, or something like that. Um, yeah, I just think balance is so important. And and I I I feel like it seems like I mean high school there's such in high school there's such a race to college, right? And uh I hope that at least once students then get to college they can recognize that they need balance again in their life and it's not just a race to the next thing, you know. Um I don't know if that answered your question.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

I think it did, yeah. I feel like I mean everyone right now, at least in my grade, is talking about college admissions and applications and like all you think about at home and at school, and it can be stressful, especially for people who might not even want to go to college or pursue like a trade or another path. And I think it's just important to kind of actually find what you're interested, as you said, to just do something for the sake of it and not just for like because it looks good on your resume. Um I think yeah, I I definitely agree. And on a bit of a different note, um have you seen pursuing like students who pursue their interests for what they are? Have you seen them grow compared to students who might succumb under the pressure of it all? And how do you think accepting everyone as they are or like kind of accepting the diversity of people, their cultural background, their economic background, their interests can play a role in our society?

SPEAKER_00 19:31

I mean, I s I I have seen with students who who uh fight for lack of a better word for to I have seen students who who fight for their for their autonomy and their real real interests like that just really come from them, don't come from pressures of of anyone outside, you know. I've seen students, you know, um, even though it might be hard, right? They might be getting in lots of fights at home or you know, are feeling feeling like they you know are going against maybe their parents, but I I I feel like they're they have found their interest for the right reason, which is their passion, right? Um you know, you hope that in like larger society there's space for all, right? Like you can you can find you could find a space in your life that will satisfy you know the success, whatever success means, and also you you know what you're interested in and what you're passionate about, you know. I don't know how I don't know I I hope it I hope a lot of people can get that, you know.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Yeah I feel like yeah, I think it's a journey, but with the right support system. I hope I hope people can find that too. How do you um how do you think students or like we could help our friends or classmates feel included and feel like they have that opportunity to pursue what they're interested in without judgment or to accept every part of themselves, whether it's their ethnic background or whether it's a new like maybe some people might find it weird, but like an interesting hobby. How do you think we can help people feel safe wherever they are?

SPEAKER_00 21:37

Um, I mean I I love that I love that concept, right? I mean, I that's what I h hope for as well, right? Is is everyone feels comfortable within their own skin and and who they are and not to feel judged or to feel pressured to be a certain kind of way. Um I I mean I I don't know, school like in our school, I I it's a big school it seems like there's it seems like there's a lot of opportunity um I don't know how I don't know how often students take these opportunities you know um I I I would hope that's that young people can mo motivate themselves to sort of like broaden their perspectives and to sign up for things that just you know that that they wouldn't normally sign up for you right maybe they'll get inspired they didn't even know right um it's so easy to just sort of like stay where you're comfortable yeah right um especially especially especially in in high school you know you you don't want to be different you don't want to you know catch too much attention kind of thing I think again I think that's developmentally I think that's where brains are when when you're a teenager you're very nervous about what others sort of feel and again like I'm so hopeful for my students who are entering adulthood and you know whether it's college or jobs and and just being out of high school because I think the world does really open up once you get out of high school and you spend less time at home and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

So you know um but finding people who have that same kind of like hope and dream right who are a little more inspirational maybe minded than comfort minded and who I don't know maybe even like test the limits a little bit like know that there's more out there than just what your parents want you to be you know um yeah yeah I feel like in our school at least there are a lot of opportunities for students to pursue everything whether it's just like the different electives we offer we have so many clubs for instance I know there's Dear Asian youth which helps Asian students feel more appreciated and celebrate and there's the newcomers club which helps new students feel welcomed in the community but I also know that a lot of a lot of my friends at least and even me like sometimes I don't feel that comfortable maybe pursuing something different or new yeah I think one of my friends told me when she was younger she went to a different school district that didn't have the level of diversity that we do and her mom would pack her like cultural foods and when she brought those to lunch people would be like what is that like what are you eating and so she started throwing them out and having like school cafeteria food instead and she had to like find it within herself to kind of appreciate who she is and where she comes from and I think as you said yeah that comes with our experiences as we grow older and everything.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

Yeah that sounds that's a sad story right um and yeah no one wants to feel different when you're young and right here we do have a lot of diversity so right you might there there still might be differences but at least you have other people who who you know look like you and might have the same lunch as you and that kind of thing which is nice um though diversity is great um obviously but um then there's like lots of separateness yeah right so there's diversity but everyone everyone who looks like this is on one side and everyone who looks like this is on another side and you know how much how how much mingling happens.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

There's always there's I think there's always hopeful room for growth in that department but it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

Yeah even within like finding people who might be the same as you it's important to find people who are different than you too. And even within our school like it does have a lot of diversity but there are a lot of people who are still marginalized like blacks or people in the LGBTQ community and so how do you think our school or schools as a whole can start ensuring that every student feels safe and understood?

SPEAKER_00 26:28

I mean that's the dream right um I I I guess I mean I think it's about showing let's say a com compassion so that at least students feel like they could go somewhere to talk. You know what I mean? I think it's it's a bigger it's a big problem right to not just like it's not just like let's have more clubs right so that black kids or you know LGBT kids can find it right because it's bigger than that. Clubs are great. But like we need more I I think it's relationships so that students if they do feel marginalized or if they do feel you know like there's a something's wrong or they need to talk to someone or something's they know that they have someone that they could talk to and have a safe space. But at the least um what I hope happens here is that student that students feel like you know like there's a couple teachers that I could talk to if I'm feeling uh bad or unsafe and then those teachers could say hey there's someone you could talk to here or a couple people you could talk to um you know and then full circle they find a student assistance counselor and go oh I never knew you existed and then we're like yeah you can talk to us anytime you know so I don't know yeah you know realizing that there's a lot to this community like it's uh in a school that's why that's why I I always like wanted to work in a school because I love that there's a larger community at school so it's like you know there's someone there's hopefully someone who has someone's back all all the time.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Yeah that's that's nice I hope I hope I hope more students grow to feel comfortable like coming to you or to other counselors and hopefully all schools can develop or have that support system or that compassion to help students feel safe. Um and if there was just like one piece of advice that you could give to students who are navigating their identity and their mental health what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 29:17

Keep being you first of all right like you are awesome you are lovable you are capable you have so much life within you that it goes way beyond high school too just like life went way beyond elementary school and went way beyond middle school so you know like keep figuring out who you are um you know don't give up and know that there's a lot more out there yeah yeah and I think I just have one more question before we finish up um what does being grounded in diversity mean to you being grounded in diversity means that you recognize and incorporate differences or different perspectives uh into like your daily life right like I feel like you know I'd I I like to think that I'm grounded in diversity where I think of you know how what I'm doing or how what I'm or what I'm feeling how that pan pans out to maybe people who are different than me you know how either you know how either I'm I'm coming across to somebody else or the conversation that I have how that how that translates to somebody else you know um yeah yeah these are big questions I feel like hey no thank you so much thank you I think yeah being able to like integrate and respect everything and everyone is really important.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

Thank you for sharing that and thank you for all the insight that you provided today in terms of accepting ourselves and building a community that supports and helpless and ultimately just in high school I think I definitely learned a lot and this conversation has shaped my outlook on many of the things that I've prioritized in the past. And so I want to thank you for all the information that you shared and I hope that you all also learned so much and will join me for my next episode.