26 What I Would Tell My Younger Self: Lessons I've Learned Along the Way

If you could sit down with your younger self, what would you say?

In this episode of Handmade Happiness, Thomas and Jessica Clark from The Lark Life reflect on some lessons learned along the way through family life, homesteading, homemaking, and building a more intentional life.

These aren’t lessons learned all at once, but slowly, over time, through experience, mistakes, growth, and choosing to do the right thing even when it is really hard.

Whether you’re in a season of starting fresh or simply reflecting on where you’ve been, this episode is an invitation to move forward with more clarity, grace, and intention.

Find more resources, courses, and practical guides at TheLarkLife.com

Subscribe for more conversations about homesteading, homemaking, handmade skills, and intentional living.

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Until next time, may you find joy in the simple things and beauty in the work of your hands.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Handmade Happiness, a podcast about simple living, handmade skills, and building a life rooted in what matters most. We talk about everything from homesteading and cooking from scratch to quilting, gardening, and raising capable kids. This is a place to slow down, learn new skills, and be reminded that a meaningful life is often built in the small everyday moments. If you enjoy today's conversation, you can follow or subscribe to the podcast wherever you're listening. That way, new episodes will just be there when you're ready for them. Now for today's episode. Hi there and welcome to the Handmade Happiness Podcast. My name is Jessica.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

And I'm Thomas.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Welcome in for today's episode.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

It's gonna be good. Um it's a Friday.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

It is a Friday here.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

You may not be listening to this on a Friday, but it's right now it's a Friday. Um the work week is ended, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Sort of. We've got a busy weekend ahead.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Yeah. This this weekend week.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

We are going to be at Baker Creek for their first festival of the year, their spring festival, and it is going to be so much fun. I'm I'm really looking forward to it. It's gonna be a good weekend. So if you happen to be in the area, uh come and check us out at Baker Creek Seeds Spring Festival this weekend.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

It's a good time. They'll have thousands of people through there. They've got big, huge tents with tons of vendors and lots of educational. One of the one of the things we like about being out here.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

Super nice. So lots of lots of good stuff going on.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Yeah. We I think we alluded to this last time on the podcast, but we wanted to just talk a little bit about some things that have really helped us. Um, some little nuggets, if you will, that have helped us make it through. Things we've learned the hard way, things that someone told us, and we were like, man, that really paid off. Right? Just lessons that we've learned along the way that things we would tell things we wish our younger selves knew.

SPEAKER_02 1:59

Yeah, like if we could go back in time and tell our younger selves.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Like here's a cheat sheet of all the things you're gonna need to know.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

We're gonna tell you those things that we would tell our younger selves.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

So yeah, it's gonna be good. Um, do you want to go first or do you want me to do you have what do you want to talk about first?

SPEAKER_02 2:11

I've got some notes, but okay, so I guess my first one, as we were kind of talking through this episode a little bit, um, we realized that when we were younger, before we had kids, we had so much time. We didn't think we had time because we were working full-time jobs, we thought we were crazy busy. Um, but we spent a lot of time watching television, like, and we don't do that now.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Stupid stuff too, in retrospect.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Yeah. Um, so I would go back and tell my my younger self, like, hey, turn that off and go do something, learn something. Because there's so many things now that if I had more time, I would be able to, you know, learn.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Yeah, if only I had that hour back now, I would do something else different with it. Yeah, for sure. Nothing on television is going to be something that you're grateful that you spent your time doing it later. Right? I mean, there's just uh with with minor exceptions on YouTube, which pri it basically educational videos and things, right? Um, if it's designed for your entertainment, it's not designed to give you anything lasting or valuable. And there's better things you can do. Like get a hobby, spend time with somebody you love, make something delicious, go for a walk, literally anything, but you don't get that time back. And that's something I think I'm more acutely aware of now. I'm super jealous of my time. Um because I'm like, I guess we'll say halfway there, right? I'm I'm I'm in my mid-40s, I'm realizing that that's a lot of time, and I don't get any of it back, right? And so I'm much more aware of what I do with my time.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

When I think having our kids, it seems to make the time go so much. You really notice the passing of time with the kids. I know, it's crazy. So crazy. So, what was your first thing on your list?

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Well, and not to go in chronological order, but um if you're not already investing, you need to be investing your money. And I know this is boring and people hate to hear it. My 17-year-old, you know, she rolls her eyes every time I say the words Roth IRA, but look, there I had this light bulb moment in my life. I had started investing, I think, $100 a month, because that's what I had. And I was young, we were real young. And at some point I got a statement from my Roth IRA, and I realized that I had made more money from my money that year than I had put into the fund.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Yeah. And it took a few years to get to that place. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, you that I remember that day you were like, uh, guess what?

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Yeah, so I was putting in $2,500 a year, or not even it was $1,200 a year, whatever it was, two, maybe it was two, anyways. And I got my statement and I realized that my fund had made $3,000 that year. And I thought, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Like this is how you get wealthy, right? Because I can't work myself rich. At some point, I can't put in more hours in a day, but my money can work all the time.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

And it's hard because you have to be disciplined and you have to set it aside and blah, blah, blah. But I'm not gonna get into the weeds of financial advice, but you've got to start putting away now because time is the multiplier, yeah, right? So someone who starts seven years before me ends with double what I have. Yeah, that's how that works.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

And so well, and you say it's hard, but it really hasn't been hard because we just automated everything and we don't see that money, we never miss that money. But you do get that statement and look at it every now and then and go, we have how much in there? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

And disclaimer, I am not a financial, uh, I'm not a fiduciary, I'm not an advisor in any way, but get a Roth IRA, put your money in some index funds, auto-deposit, auto-draft, auto-fund, thank me later. Like you I can't stress this enough.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Don't take anything out of you.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

If you think Social Security is going to pay for you when you're old, I have bad news for you. So, anyways, that's my four of my big ones.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

Okay. So, another thing that I would go back and tell myself, the older I've gotten, I have come to realize that most people have some pretty big insecurities. A lot of people deal with those kind of things, and I remember when I was younger being so worried about what everybody else thought about me, and so worried of I'm just drove myself crazy. And realizing now, like all of those things that I felt insecure about, everybody else around me felt insecure about a lot of those things. They were too busy worrying about themselves to worry about you. And so just like don't worry about it, don't sweat it, is what I would tell myself. Yeah, just be you and be it's okay, and don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Yeah, and tagging onto that, there is somebody for everybody, right? Like if you're worried because oh my nose is a little crooked, or oh my head is shaped weird, or oh, you know, my genetics, I have no butt, you know, whatever it is, you whatever you're you're insecure about, somebody out there is looking for that. So, like, it's not that big a deal. Just be you.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Don't waste too much time on don't stress on that. Don't stress.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Um, another one of my favorite ones, and I I want to give credit where credit is due. My um my younger brother actually is the one that kind of phrased it this way, but uh he talked about choosing your hard, right? The example I like to give is that paying speeding tickets is hard. Having warrants is also hard. Getting arrested for unpaid fines is also hard, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Um having your driver's license revoked because you didn't take care of stuff is hard.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Paying bills is hard, going to work is hard. Also, being unemployed, being homeless or semi-homeless, those are also hard things, right? So you choose your heart. It's hard to get up and go to the gym. I mean, you see, right? But it's also hard being morbidly obese and having diabetes and all the health things that come with that, right? So choose your heart. And you you that's that's the choice you get, right? You don't get to choose easy or hard, but you do get to choose which heart. Yeah. And some of them clearly are better than others. And so make that choice because if you don't make it, it will be made for you.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Yeah. And kind of piggybacking on that, we've talked about choosing to do the right thing even when it's hard. Uh, even when it costs you, you choose to to do the right thing, and it it pays off.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

I feel like that's something that that's one of those we didn't have to learn the hard way. I think our parents did a really good job of modeling that for us.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

And like our parents, all all I think of all four of them, and they all are people of incredible integrity, that they they are who they are in front of your face, and they are the same person when nobody's watching, and they are always carrying themselves in that way of like they're gonna do the right thing, even if it means you know, leaving a note on that car door that they accidentally dinged, or you know, whatever it whatever it is, um, whatever the situation is, they're gonna do the right thing and yeah, um, and you see the fruit of that in their life, like well, and it ties into, like we said, choosing your hard, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:03

When you choose to do the right thing, a lot of times that's hard. But you build this platform of integrity and of handling your business, right? And so later on down the road, when you're used to paying your bills and you're used to going to work and you're used to leaving a note for that car that you dinged, right? And and all those things, you it's amazing how much less trouble you have in your life when you do the right thing consistently.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Over and over. We actually had somebody that we were counseling with one time and they said, Well, I want what you guys have. And I told them, I said, You well, you can't have it. And they looked at it and they were like, What do you mean I can't? And I said, Well, because you're not laying the groundwork like I laid the groundwork, right? Like we laid the groundwork. You're not making good choices one after the other, even when they're hard. You're taking the easy road. And you don't get where we are at by taking the easy road. And uh I think that was a real eye-opener for them. I think it was kind of a wake-up call for them that you have to make some decisions that are hard to make, right? You can't you have to stop playing and and to get where we were at the time and that they saw they were like, Oh, I want this, you have this family, and this everything's stable and everything's good in your life, and yeah, we worked really hard to get here. And so um so do the right thing all the time.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

All the time.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

Choose your heart.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Even when nobody's watching, even when it seems like it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah, because it does.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

It does.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

One thing that has been a real guiding principle for us is remembering how much we don't know. Right? That's like the first yeah, the first step is recognizing I am not an expert at this. And once you recognize that, I think that really has helped us maintain, and that's something we talked about when we got married, even is this like pattern of wanting to be learners, lifelong learners, and absorbing material and knowledge and information. And um, we read a fair amount of books, we read a fair amount of information, and but that's our our default is to like absorb some info when we're doing something new, when we run into a situation, well, let's find out, let's learn. And that has been incredibly helpful for us. It's helped us avoid a lot of situations, bad situations, it's helped us um make some really good choices that have paid off down the road. But again, the the first thing is not assuming that you know, because odds are you're not an expert. I mean, pick pick a subject. I know a lot more about finance than most people, I'm not anywhere near an expert.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

And you would still ask something.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

It's just that most people don't know diddly about it.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

And so I think that's that's been really important for us, just recognizing, hey, I don't know much about anything, so let's fix that.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Well, because there's this thing that kind of naturally happens uh being somebody who likes to learn, the more you learn. Like some people learn and then it gives them this like false sense of pride, like that they know all of these things. Well, I'm an expert now, and that's a really dangerous thing because, like you said, the more we learn, the more we realize like oh my goodness, there are so many things that I don't have a clue about. It's a big world, and so kind of keeping that posture of humility and realizing somebody knows a lot more about this than me, and I should probably go, you know, figure something out, find that person, see what they have to say about it.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Yeah, which kind of leads into one of my next notes, which was ask somebody. Ask somebody for help, and don't just ask anybody, ask somebody who knows what they're talking about. Yeah, and I want to be careful how I say this, but just because you respect someone doesn't mean they're an expert at what you're dealing with, right? I love my mom and dad to death, but there are certain topics that I don't go to them for because they're not experts. Same with with your parents, right? I mean, it's there my boss, he knows a lot about a lot of things, but I don't go to him for everything because he's not an expert, right? If you need financial advice, you need to find a financial expert. If you want to be a successful at running a business, guess what? You need to talk to somebody who is successfully running that business. Um because just because you like them doesn't mean they're gonna give you good advice.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Um, but that being said, it is so much easier to have a five-minute conversation with somebody and save yourself literally from disaster. Just because they're like, hey, while we're on the subject, make sure you don't do this, and you're like, oh, I was about to do that, right? So um, and that's been big for us.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Even what even, I mean, I'll give an example. Um, we had a property that we were dealing with, and it was it turned into a nightmare, and the renters were druggies and all, anyways. Long story short, we got some advice from somebody who knew what they were talking about. It wasn't advice that I would have wanted to hear, it wasn't advice I think that we would have necessarily gone to on our own. But when we heard what they had to say, we knew they were right, and that they essentially they told us you need to cut your losses, break it off, and just you know, and start clean. And that ended up being advice that was really, really good for us. It got us out of, I think we would still be digging out of a hole. And um, and so, anyways, just ask somebody who's been there before, they'll save you a lot of heartache.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

Oh yeah. And ask multiple people because if that person really knows what they're talking about, then you're probably gonna hear the same kind of thing from a lot of people. Um, if they're the only somebody saying that, then you know, just proceed with caution.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

So for sure.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

So what else you got?

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Read a book.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

I heard a terrifying statistic the other day. Eighty percent of Americans do not read another book when they get out of college.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

Ever.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

That's I can't even fathom that.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

It's mind-blowing to me.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

As many books get consumed around here, not just by us, but even by our kids, I'm like, I can't even imagine.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

Well, and you yeah, I don't want to go down the social media rabbit hole, but I mean that's the the issue is that people are not getting information from information sources, they're getting information from gossip sources.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

And virtually none of it is accurate, virtually none of it is any valuable or any good. And and because it doesn't have a picture.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

We were talking, so I was actually talking about this with the ladies at my quilt class this past week, uh, one of my quilt classes, and this one person that was there, she kept asking me questions, and I would answer her questions, and then she was like, It probably says that right there in the in the pattern, right in the workbook. And I was like, Yeah, it does. She's like, Yeah, I should probably just read. And I told her, I was like, the reason quilt patterns all have pictures is because you don't want to read. Most of the people aren't actually reading the pattern, they're just looking at the pictures and making their stuff match the pictures. So I was like, it's not just you, but there's this thing of we just people are looking for pictures, they're not looking for words, they're not reading words.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

It's easier, yeah. It's easier, and but it's it's so important. We tell our kids all the time readers are leaders. Um I'll be honest, virtually all of the people that I know personally who are successful and wealthy and are living and doing the things that we aspire to almost without fail, they are avid readers. It just is what it is. Because if you're you have to consume information that's researched and accurate and and articulate and uh reading broadens your vocabulary, it expands your ability to use the English language to communicate, uh even your your visual, like your ability, your brain's ability to function, having all of that repertoire of of language and understanding historical references and for that matter, understanding history. Read history.

SPEAKER_02 18:48

Yeah. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Read history.

SPEAKER_02 18:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Read history. Um that's that's been one of my favorite things that my parents instilled in me was a a love of reading, and it's been invaluable to us. That's our that was our one rule when we got married. We had an agreement that no matter what our financial picture is, you don't need permission to buy a book. If you if you feel like you need that book, it's always allowed. And we haven't regretted it.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

So no. Okay, so this next one is kind of a little bit on the lighter side. But um I would definitely go back and tell my younger self, you might want to think twice before you accept those free chickens and free rabbits.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

The gateway animal.

SPEAKER_02 19:39

Because you have no idea what's coming next.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Uh I see that sometimes on Instagram or whatever. It'll be like, hey, if you're however many years old and you married that one girl, oh yeah, how's your chickens doing?

SPEAKER_03 19:51

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

That's so true. So true. But I don't think that either one of us envisioned where we are, but I don't think we regret it either.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

So absolutely not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

It's kind of tongue-in-cheek, right? But yeah, just know if you take those chickens, yeah, your life is gonna be different.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Yeah, and when it's like it's it's like layers of an onion, like you peel one back, and then you find out there's another one and another one and another one, and before you know it, you've got a a room full of seed starts that you planted, and you've got a a grain melt to grind your fresh flower, and you're like canning and preserving all these things, and your biggest wish list item is a freeze dryer, and you know, all the your Amazon wish list looks like Laura Ingalls Wilder's mother shopping list.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Yeah, that's yeah, it happens. That's where we are.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

I joked with her a while back because I got on and I told her I wondered if the FBI wanted to know why she had like industrial-sized containers of lye on her on her Amazon wish list. Like, that's kind of weird, dude. Not exactly Christmas, but I guess it's about perspective, right?

SPEAKER_02 21:02

Yeah, makes great soap. All the soap makers out there already know why I had lye on my list.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Oh, yeah. If you know, you know. I think the last one that I had on my list was just understanding that you need to ask questions specifically about the things that you believe. If you say, well, that's how my family does, well, that's fine, but is that even good?

SPEAKER_03 21:27

Right?

SPEAKER_01 21:27

I mean, there were people that would say, Well, that's how our people do. It's like, well, just because you were raised by the KKK doesn't make it okay for you to believe what they believe, right? That's hateful and and um so or or whatever it is. I was raised Catholic, I was raised fill in the blank, fill in the blank, right? Whatever it is. Um you need to know what you believe, right? And we've talked about with with the kids the other day, we talked about the difference between truth and fact, right? And and just understanding that just because Because that's how your people do, or that's kind of what you grew up around, that doesn't make it right or true. And you need to know for yourself. And if you find something in your life that just doesn't jive, and you start asking questions, and sometimes it's like that where you pull the thread and it starts all unraveling, and you realize, holy cow, my entire life is built on a lie. You're welcome. You know, I mean it ignorance is bliss sometimes, but isn't it better to know, right? To question that thing and have it fall apart so that you can start over with like we talked about earlier, sometimes you knowing what you don't know is the first step. And I think for me, I'd I'd rather know.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Right?

SPEAKER_02 22:47

When those things that are true, they will stand up to your questions. Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

You start asking questions, it'll it'll still be there if it's right.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

And and if not, great. Now you don't go your whole life believing a lie or or a half-truth or a mistake or whatever. Um again, important.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Yeah. So nice.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

I think that's the end of my list. I've had a lot of important things said to me, but I don't remember them all, so no, that's a good that'll get you off to a good start, right?

SPEAKER_03 23:21

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Question your path in life, make some good financial investments, do the right thing, read some books. Say no to chickens. No, don't do that. Yeah, I mean, that'll get you started. That'll get you down the right path.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Love people.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

And it's it's really fun. Like, we're we're talking about this and what we would go back and tell our younger selves. And as we're doing that, I'm thinking like how amazing it is that our kids are already hearing all of these things. So they know. Like, they are these are these are not gonna be the things that they're wishing somebody had told them. Their list is gonna look totally different than ours. Um, and I think that's pretty amazing. Like that you just keep building and that where they are is gonna be even better than where we are, just because they're already we we get to share those things with them already.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

So because that's why we do, I mean, that's why we do what we do.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

So that one day we'll look up and our kids are so far ahead of where we are or where we were, and we just think, like, wow, like look at those. Look at them go, look at them go.

SPEAKER_02 24:26

Yeah, keep going, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Succeed.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

Yeah, and then to think like, okay, then you extrapolate that out. Our grandkids one day, like yeah, they're already gonna know those things that we taught our kids, plus all the lessons that our kids learn that they're teaching them and passing on to them. It's just it's it's really amazing. It's really amazing.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Plus, they'll all be amazing cooks and bakers and be very capable, skillful people, be well taken care of when we're old.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Which is a long time from now. Uh like a hundred years or so.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

Yeah, so um so I guess that's it for today. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

We gotta go let her in.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

Yeah, thank you so much for taking some of your time uh to just sit down with us and have a conversation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

We'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

If you're wanting to go a little deeper and actually learn some of these skills step by step, I do have courses and workshops available at thelarklife.com. They're designed to be simple, practical, and approachable, especially if you're just getting started. You can also join our email list where we share guides, printables, and updates on what we're working on here. It's a quieter space and one of our favorite ways to stay connected with you. I'll put a link to both in the show notes. Thank you for choosing to spend some of your time with us. If you've been enjoying the podcast, one of the simplest ways to support us is by telling a friend and leaving a review wherever you're listening. It helps more people find these conversations, and it truly means a lot for us to hear how our stories are impacting you. You can also go to thelarklife.com slash podcast. There you'll find an option to give a small one time or ongoing gift. And it helps support the time, tools, and energy that go into creating these episodes. Until next time.