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03 From Burnout to Breathing Space | 4 Soul-Nourishing Self Care Tips for Overwhelmed Special Needs Moms

• Elyse Scheeler • Season 1 • Episode 3

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In this episode, parent coach Jamie Kirkbride shares her powerful CARE framework for helping overwhelmed parents, especially those raising children with additional needs. Jamie, a mother of seven and former counselor, breaks down practical strategies for self-care through Compassion, Adjusting commitments, Recharging intentionally, and Evaluating what works. She offers faith-based insights for managing daily challenges and shares personal experiences from her journey parenting a child with ADHD and mood disorders. 

Episode Blog Post: From Burnout to Breathing Space

C - Compassion How often do we extend grace to our friends but struggle to give ourselves the same kindness? Jamie suggested writing a letter to yourself from God's perspective - what would He say about your struggles and efforts?

A - Adjust This is where we get practical about our schedules and commitments. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for our families is to take something off our plates.

R - Recharge We talked about the importance of identifying what truly recharges us - from small daily practices to bigger dreams like that vacation in Jamaica (someday!). The key is being intentional about planning these moments, no matter how small.

E - Evaluate This final step is crucial but often overlooked. It's about honestly assessing what's working and what isn't, then making adjustments accordingly. Through prayer and reflection, we can better understand our needs and triggers.

Connect with the guest: Jamie Kirkbride

Resources & More Related to the Episode:


While you're here, please leave a quick rating or review! I pray this episode blesses you! Remember, you don't just have to survive mama- you can thrive!

Connect with the host: Elyse Scheeler

Disclaimer
The views and opinions expressed in this episode are those of the guests and hosts and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Speaking Life Into Motherhood. None of the advice or discussion on the podcast is medical advice. Always consult with your medical provider before using any supplements, essential oils, or therapy methods. 

Welcome back everyone. Today I get to welcome Jamie Kirkbride to the show. Jamie lives a quiet but busy life on the prairie of Wyoming, where she and her husband have enjoyed the blessing of seven children. With a background as a professional counselor, speaker, and author, she has enjoyed working with many parents over the years. Now working as a parent coach, Jamie helps overwhelm parents of highly sensitive, emotional, or intense kids.


Her Calm Connection parenting podcast and coaching program provide practical tools and faith-based strategies to help families create calm connections amidst challenging behaviors. She's passionate about helping parents in the hard work and the heart of parenting. Visit parentingwithpersonality.com for free resources, fun quizzes, and just to learn more. I am so excited to have you here today, Jamie. I know that we have a lot of mamas who are listening, who are feeling overwhelmed, who


are looking for some support and some resources. And I know today we are going to give them some actionable items. So mamas, get your pen, get your paper and get ready because we are going to give you some tools today that you can start using right after this podcast to really help work on that mental health, that spiritual health and get you feeling more whole. Jamie, did you want to just tell us a little bit more about yourself as we get going here?


Jami (02:29.294)

I am so excited to be here. Thank you so much. I have actually been working with educating parents for several years where I started talking about personalities and I used to go and speak to MOPs groups and helping moms use the tools of understanding your child's personality. And then honestly we had a kiddo who just needed a little bit extra and it took us a while to figure out what all of his special needs included. But it included some features of ADHD,


depression, a mood disorder, and we really had to figure out some different strategies for him. And in the course of that, I feel like God just really revealed to me some particular steps that were important to take. And I kind of pivoted with my business a little bit, and instead of working in private practice as a counselor, I started going into parent coaching and actually designed this program that was kind of how God helped us walk through our son's needs.


what we needed to learn and do and try as his parents. And I know that there's many families that can use these very same tools, whether they're working with a neurotypical or a neurodiverse child. And I just feel like God just really revealed to me some important steps, some strategies, some skills that help us be his hand extended to our children. And so I'm just really excited now that through this coaching program and the courses that I have, that I get to work with other families to help them learn what God revealed


to me.


Elyse Scheeler (04:00.646)

love that. So tell us a little bit more about your care acronym. love that. I know I need ways to help me remember things. So we have C-A-R-E. What kinds of steps can we take within that little strategy to be able to help moms?


Jami (04:15.036)

Yes.


Yes, I love the acronym and I think it's so important that we take care of ourselves, especially as busy moms with purpose. And so I really like the acronym CARE because I think the word itself reminds us what we're supposed to be doing for ourselves. And then just to break it down further, I think C for me stands for compassion. And I think we need to have compassion for where we are in our journey. It may not look like those around us. It may not feel like we're a step ahead of where we were last year at this time.


but that we just have grace and compassion for where we are right now. And you know, it's so easy as a mom, and I find this even in myself, to just start focusing on those limiting beliefs or maybe letting guilt weigh in or fear or worry. And are we doing it right as a parent? Should we be doing it better as a parent? Should I be doing more as a parent? And I think it's really important that we extend compassion to ourselves and that we first of all validate our feelings, you know?


I'm feeling guilty or I'm feeling inadequate or I'm feeling sad or overwhelmed, but that we don't get stuck there. Instead, we choose where we want to be instead. And when we choose that perspective, then we can validate our feelings, but take the next step with compassion to how we can move from that.


Elyse Scheeler (05:35.996)

And I think that the keyword for me is grace, right? You said, you know, in giving ourselves grace. And I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I find that I am much more critical of myself than if I were listening to a friend maybe tell me the same thing. Like I'm feeling guilty about, you know, getting childcare for a couple of hours when really, you the only thing I needed to do was do the laundry and take a bath. You know, I'm feeling guilty about that.


Jami (05:38.958)

Yes.


Elyse Scheeler (06:02.306)

I feel bad about that. But if I heard a friend say that I would be giving her so much grace. And I think that that's something that we can do to kind of turn that compassion around is like, what would you be saying? Or what is God saying to you? Is he's going to be giving you that compassion. He's going to be giving you that grace and saying, Mom, you need a break, you need rest, you know, in order to be able to do all of the incredible things that I have planned for you, we need to rest. And I think if we, we turn that a little bit, that we can


Jami (06:13.557)

All


Elyse Scheeler (06:31.236)

make it not feel bad to have compassion for ourselves, you know, in those situations. And especially as a mom with a child who maybe is neurotypical or who has some additional needs, I think we feel like that there's even more pressure, there's even more weight for us to do that. So allowing that, the mental piece of giving ourselves that compassion and grace is just huge. So write down C.


is for compassion and finding ways throughout this week that you as listeners are going to be thinking about ways that you can be compassionate to yourself or maybe if you hear yourself being compassionate to somebody else in your life reminding yourself to reflect that onto you as well.


Jami (07:10.018)

That's right. And if it's hard to do it mentally, one of the best practices somebody encouraged me to do one time is write a letter to you as though God was writing it to you. And I think this is a great step that fits with compassion. He sees your overwhelm, he sees your hurt, he sees your guilt, whatever it is. What would he say to you? And I'm guessing that it might be easier if we put on our, how would God see this?


Elyse Scheeler (07:21.34)

I love that.


Jami (07:38.264)

than if we're struggling to find that compassion for ourselves. So that may be another practical way that we can do that.


Elyse Scheeler (07:44.304)

I love that. I will be writing a letter to from God to myself this week.


Jami (07:47.842)

And then save it. I've pulled mine out and I have read it numerous times on tough days.


Elyse Scheeler (07:53.286)

Yeah, because we need those reminders. And I feel like, you know, with some real prayerful thought beforehand, you may be able to just start hearing him a little bit more, too. I think when we do when we do that and we open ourselves up, you know, I have had many experiences, especially in the last couple of years, where I have a couple of friends who are very devout Christians and have given me situations where they have they feel, you know, that God is guiding them. And I've been like, I don't hear anything like what am I?


Jami (08:01.847)

Right.


Elyse Scheeler (08:19.068)

You know, I want to hear it. And now in the recent past, I do feel like I have opened myself up to that and that changes. But those are the types of opportunities that do that is when you're really truly prayerfully opening yourself up and just sitting for that moment.


Jami (08:31.928)

Taking it in, yeah, just sitting in the quiet. Sometimes that's where our best dancers come.


Elyse Scheeler (08:37.358)

Absolutely. So that was wonderful. So C is for compassion. And next up we have A.


Jami (08:42.612)

A is for adjust and I encourage you to really think about how can you adjust your schedule. Maybe it's your commitments, maybe it's your habits, maybe it's just the everyday things that you feel have to be you doing them and that you know we tend to run on over tired, over stimulated, over


Well, over whatever. I mean, there's a million things we can be over. And I think it's just so important that we figure out what are our triggers? What's causing us to feel some of those things we're feeling? What's causing us to lose that calm that we really want to have in parenting? And as we look at our boundaries, our triggers, our commitments, deciding where is it that I can maybe ask for help or delegate? There is such magic in delegating because it involves


Elyse Scheeler (09:08.079)

Mm-hmm.


Jami (09:33.488)

other people in helping pull something off instead of feeling like we have to be the one to do it all.


Elyse Scheeler (09:39.61)

Absolutely. And on another podcast that I just did recently, one of my guests talked about this too. And we really talked about how taking something away. So again, this is a tangible thing in the next week, I am going to take something away. I, whether it be, I'm not going, you know, we're canceling so-and-so's soccer practice or, you know, my mom is going to take the kids to their therapy appointments this week. And instead of thinking about it as something that you're doing less,


Think about it as you're giving yourself and your family a gift because you're giving yourself more time. You are adjusting, like you said, and providing yourself with that grace and see how it feels at the end of the week. Because if you take a couple of those things off, what are you going to gain? And maybe you get to the end of the week, and I know we'll get to E, but you get to the end of the week and you go, well, it didn't really work or it was kind of okay or I didn't feel a difference and that's fine.


being open to those adjustments, because I think especially moms in general, but again, if you have any child with additional needs, you want them to be in every therapy, you want them to go to every tutoring opportunity, every medical appointment, you know, all of those things. And I'm not saying that that's not something that you should do. But I think that it's also wise to be able to be very mindful and thoughtful about what do we need to do? And what do I need to do? And how can I give myself a little bit of that time back and see then how that benefits


your family. So A is adjust.


Jami (11:09.57)

Just, that's right. This kind of fits with what we were just talking about, but I think it's important that we look at our self-care as being a wise steward of what God's given us. And so when we adjust, we're learning what do we have to spend from our body budget and what do we not have to spend? And I think just like we would want to be a wise steward of our money,


We can take justice seriously being a wise steward of our energy and our efforts and our time and our emotion and what we have to offer other people. And I think for me that's a helpful way of looking at self-care where it doesn't feel selfish. It feels like part of our responsibility for stewarding what God's given us.


Elyse Scheeler (11:53.544)

I absolutely love that.


Up next we have R.


Jami (11:59.33)

Yes, R is for recharge with self-care. And I think it's important that we plan the time. You know, we usually make time for things that are important.


And we usually plan the things we want to make time for. So I think it's really important that we be purposeful and intentional with planning even the self-care and that we really take the time to do it. And that we don't count that time that we're in the bathroom where the door shut and we're just going to the bathroom or showering. Like that's not self-care. You know, those are basic hygiene things that we may do in the bathroom or to get ready for a day. But I think we need to be more intentional so that we can work with refreshed spirits. And when we take that time, we can


Elyse Scheeler (12:27.74)

Mm-hmm.


Jami (12:39.808)

refresh, can refocus, we can refuel, we can even reignite the passions that God's put in our heart for mothering and also those other things that God created us for. You know, our mothering may, you know, be a little more concentrated in those first 18 years, but God has called us to to mothering and other things. And I think sometimes we are so overwhelmed, overrun, overtired that


Those other passions aren't really growing because we feel like we're just surviving instead of thriving.


Elyse Scheeler (13:13.596)

Yeah, I love that. One of the things that I have been thinking about lately, and I think would be a great, tangible thing to do next to your recharge on your notebook, is to come up with 10 things that recharge you. And maybe making them on a spectrum. So I would be recharged by a vacation in Jamaica, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. So that would be maybe on the one end. the other things that recharge me,


Jami (13:31.02)

Yeah.


Elyse Scheeler (13:38.104)

are, you I sing on the worship team at church. That is something that is very recharging for me. Just having an extra 10 minutes in the morning, sometimes I wake up a little bit early just to have a little bit of coffee. So, and like you said, we get so overwhelmed as moms, we forget, I don't know, what do I like? Do I?


Jami (13:52.502)

Yeah, we may not even be in touch with those things that bring us just that little bit of life or joy. And you know, I call those simple joys.


Elyse Scheeler (14:01.458)

Yeah, absolutely. And then using some of that adjustments that maybe you made earlier in the week to fill that in. Or even just becoming more aware. Again, I think part of it for us as moms is to just be mindful. Because there are moments where we do have opportunities to find that self-care, where I think if we're not mindful of what's happening or mindful of the opportunities, that we then lose them. And then it becomes like the...


well, my other friend always gets to get her nails done or my other friend always gets to do that. I never have any time for self care. Well, it's like, I don't want to get my nails done. So why, why am I even comparing, know, but, but in our heads, like, that's what we, that's what we have. So figuring out that list of like, what brings you joy, what brings you closer to God, you know, maybe, you know, hashing out some time where you can really dig into scripture throughout the week. And even if it's just a couple of minutes at a time and


Jami (14:37.678)

Right?


Elyse Scheeler (14:53.808)

And then going, okay, I know what recharges me. I've made some adjustments this week and I'm going to slide in, like you said, planning those things into my week and seeing how that pans out for you at the end of the week. And then maybe at some point you can go on that beautiful Jamaica vacation. That'll be, you know, 20 years from now, but, understanding that that's, okay to have good, you know, big things too, that recharge you. But sometimes we forget that there are, there's other opportunities within the small moments of our day that we can recharge as well.


Jami (15:09.07)

That's right.


Jami (15:20.856)

Right. And it doesn't have to be, you know, some people think, I can't do self care because what, that's going to take 30 minutes or an hour, half a day or like, you know, I remember one of the most simple refueling things that I did was I would just wake up in the morning and it was kind of this fun little game between God and I. And I would just say, OK, I'm going to turn on my Pandora or my Spotify or whatever it is. And the first song I hear is going to be something in there that that.


Maybe God is gifting me with that day. And you would not believe the number of times that it was so perfectly applicable to what our day was all about. Now, who knows if God was like, hey, I'm sending this or not. But you know, when something blesses us, I don't think he's going to care if we give him credit for something that was chance, you know? But it was the small way that every day when I started my devotion time, I got kind of excited about it. I wonder what the song is going to be today. I wonder what it's going to be today. And so many times it was just perfect.


Elyse Scheeler (15:59.847)

Mm-hmm.


Elyse Scheeler (16:05.871)

Absolutely.


Jami (16:16.816)

It's that simple five minute thing that can just get you started in the right direction.


Elyse Scheeler (16:21.968)

Yeah, I think that that is absolutely amazing. So once we have shown ourselves some compassion, and I and I would think that for the compassion part, I think that that's something like Post-it notes, get yourself a couple of Post-it notes, ladies, put it in your car, put it on the cupboard in the kitchen to remind yourself of that, because that's not something we're just going to do one time, right? Like we need to be continuing to give ourselves compassion and grace. We're going to adjust. We're going to maybe take some things off of our plate or move some things around and have some flexibility. We're going to recharge.


by having that extra time, right, and having planned that. And then at the end, we are gonna do E, which is evaluate.


Jami (16:57.39)

And I think this is an important step that we evaluate how are things working? Is there something I might need to change? Do I need to revisit what some of my needs might be? You know, like we've talked about, we might be out of touch with what it is that refuels us. So maybe you didn't feel like you really connected with that that week. Maybe you need to understand your personality better. Sometimes I think as moms, we're so busy wearing different hats, we can kind of feel like we lose ourselves in the process. So what do you need to understand about who you are, your strengths?


Elyse Scheeler (17:22.536)

Absolutely.


Jami (17:27.344)

the areas that you want to grow in and maybe even for some of us figuring out if we're stumbling over the same things, what might those triggers be and how can we fix those things that are maybe triggering us to get off track? And so I think this can this evaluating can help us be more effective as we address the self-care and then really make it happen and maybe as you evaluate you say okay you know what I struggled to give myself compassion this week.


So maybe that's when you grab your little sticky notes and you write some really positive things on there that are just reminders, you know? God's gonna give me what I need for each step of this journey or I'm going to be a wise steward of my energy this week or you know, when I have taken time for myself, I am better able to give to others. Any of those simple reminders that help you have that mantra going that reminds yourself of compassion. Maybe you evaluate that, you you said you were gonna do something


but you didn't really follow through. So then what would be your next best step?


Elyse Scheeler (18:32.924)

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's just taking a little time. And when you make things


a little bit more strategic, that's when change happens. Right? I'm a wellness coach. And that's something that, we talked to, I talked to my clients about, and it's like, you know, we have to be constantly changing. If we have these huge big goals and, know, I want to improve every aspect of my life and, and all these things, like, that's probably not, I mean, that's great. You can definitely do that, but we have to think about those small steps to get there. And a lot of times in order to get to that point,


I'm sure that there's different examples that you can think of throughout your life. You've had to go, okay, well, I tried this and that didn't really work. Or I tried this and actually I was really surprised by how easy this was. Now I can take it to that next level, that next stage and continuing to just be very thoughtful in what we're doing. And again, giving yourself grace, understanding that the idea of the outcome at the end of this week. So if you start today and you write down your care on your


little sticky note and you're like, okay, next week I'm going to check in and I'm going to see how I did. And you know, there might be a couple of things that went well and a couple of things that didn't, but that doesn't mean that we're done. Right? Like God is always continuing to challenge us and to grow us. so, you know, reflecting on that. And then I would really encourage as you are evaluating, praying on it. You know, we prayed before, before recording today and just how that prayer can help fill you up and help.


Maybe open your heart, open your eyes into what God is trying to tell you and how he's leading you with those things. But I think if we remember these four things that we will be able to be better moms, we will be able to be better children of God, we're gonna be able to be better wives, right? Because it is not bad to take care of ourselves.


Jami (20:26.848)

It's not selfish, it's necessary. know, a good reminder, maybe even writing that on your sticky note, that self-care is a good way of stewarding the resources God's given you. And resources aren't just financial resources. It's who, know, what you have to offer, what you have to give in time and effort and energy and emotion. So those are all important things for us to consider.


Elyse Scheeler (20:32.742)

Mm-hmm.


Elyse Scheeler (20:51.194)

Absolutely. and Jimmy, I know, you know, today we talked a lot about mom and parents, right? And can you just talk a little bit about as we get ready to close here, how you might be able to utilize some of these same strategies when you're working with your coaching clients, or maybe someone saying, you know what, I'm working on this, I think I can do this. But what I need help with is maybe providing compassion and adjustments and recharging and evaluating for my children or for some challenging challenges that I'm having within my parenting journey.


How do you address that as a parenting coach?


Jami (21:22.734)

That's a great question, a great question. know, I think a lot of parents really get stuck on compassion for their child. And at face value, I think we all like to think we're compassionate. But I think if we really looked at how we relay that compassion to our child, we may not score as high. Because I think a lot of times, if our child says something to us, like, I'm just too tired, I can't do it, our response is usually something along the lines of, it won't take very long, let's get going. Or you're OK, come on.


And if you remember when we first talked about compassion today, the first thing that I encouraged you to do was validate. And so I think it's so important that we take that same time to validate for our child. And I tell parents so many times, the coaching clients that I work with, if you have a child that's coming at you with some really high intense emotion, they're probably communicating to you that you don't get it. And so if you offer them validation and compassion, right away you can start deescalating.


the intensity of their emotion or their challenging behaviors when you take the time to validate. You know what? It is hard to do things when you're tired. You know what? You've had a really big day at school. Do you need to take five minutes before you empty your trashes? Okay, let's do that because you know what? Maybe it'll be easier to be a good worker when you've had just a little bit of rest.


And all of a sudden the intensity starts going down because we've validated their emotion before trying to move them from their emotion. And I think that that is a really important step. think adjusting is super important. know, especially when we are working with special needs, high needs, intense emotions, child mental health issues, we have to learn how to adjust for their unique wiring. For the ways that God has gifted them, we have to learn to be flexible and adjust.


And it may mean doing less. It may mean that they live a very overstimulated life. And so when we learn to do that for ourselves, we are practicing what our child needs as well.


Elyse Scheeler (23:24.796)

Yeah, I love that. it just made me think that using the CARE acronym is something that you could do, depending on your child's cognitive ability. You could ask them and have them. Mom is working on this this week. I'm working on being compassionate with myself. Here are some of the things that I'm adjusting. And I'm going to recharge by doing this. And then at the end of the week, I'm going to talk about it with dad or whomever or look through it. having it.


I just think that that would be a great thing to, you maybe you do yourself, but also at some point incorporating, especially with some of those older kids, because I would imagine that opening up that conversation would be validating in and of itself, right?


Jami (24:05.4)

That's right. That's right. And you know, so many moms struggle with feeling okay about self care. And so for those who really struggle, I like to say to them, what if your child is only going to learn how to take care of themselves and do self care by watching you? What will they be learning if they're watching you? So if the only motivation you have is to model something that they will use, that's still really good motivation.


Elyse Scheeler (24:21.32)

Wow.


Elyse Scheeler (24:30.61)

That gave me goosebumps. Yes, well, that is just the absolutely perfect way to wrap things up. Jamie, thank you so much for your time today. And I think, you know, hopefully all of our listeners left with some really tangible things that they can do to help themselves and and to help their children today. Can you remind our listeners where they can find you on the socials?


Jami (24:51.372)

You bet. I am at parentingwithpersonality.com online. I'm also on Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook where I have a support group at Parenting with Personality. And I also have a resource that would be free to anybody who would like to download it that just helps kind of understand your child. But it also goes a step further into helping other people understand your child. And the reason I feel like it's important to mention today is that sometimes it's hard for us to delegate or ask somebody else to help if we don't think they understand.


our child and so it takes away that excuse of well but they don't really know their needs. If you have a resource that can help educate those that you need to call upon to help you and your child and so that resource is found at calmconnectionparent.com slash behind the behavior and that


Elyse Scheeler (25:41.852)

I will definitely include that in the notes too.


Jami (25:43.724)

You bet, and that guide will be so helpful in just helping lay out some of the different child mental health issues and how you can invite other people to not just show understanding, but help support your family through that.


Elyse Scheeler (25:56.826)

I love that. love that. Well, thank you so much for your time today. Absolutely.


Jami (25:59.788)

You bet. Thanks for having me here.