Speaking Life Into Motherhood ~ Rhythms, Child Development, Homeschool, Special Needs, Speech Delay, Systems, Autism, ADHD, Neurodiversity, Disabilities

49// Is This Behavior Normal? Developmental Milestones & Signs of ADHD & Autism in Uniquely Wired Children

• Season 2 • Episode 49

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Does your child's behavior feel unpredictable—like you're walking on eggshells wondering when the next meltdown will hit?

What if the "challenging behaviors" you're seeing aren't defiance—but your child's uniquely wired brain crying out for tools you don't know how to give them yet?

In this powerful conversation, professional counselor and parent coach Jami Kirkbride returns to help us understand what it means to parent a "uniquely wired" child—whether that's ADHD, autism, sensory processing challenges, or simply knowing your child needs "extra" support. Jami walks us through the often-overlooked signs (especially in girls), the critical first steps to take when you suspect something's different, and practical tools you can implement today to support your child's regulation and success. This episode will help you move from overwhelmed confusion to confident advocacy with a clear roadmap forward.


In This Episode You'll Learn:

  • The real signs of ADHD beyond the "bouncing boy" stereotype—and why girls are so often overlooked
  • Why executive functioning struggles (transitions, task initiation, emotional regulation) might be the key to understanding your child
  • Practical tools you can start using TODAY: visual timers, calm care kits, movement breaks, and sensory input

Connect with Jami Kirkbride

  • Website: CalmConnectionParenting.org
  • Instagram: @calmconnectionparenting
  • Free Resource: Take the Emotional Forecast Quiz to understand what your child's emotions are telling you and identify your next best step
  • Coaching Program: https://www.calmconnectionparent.com/ – Support for overwhelmed parents of highly sensitive, emotional, or intense kids


While you're here, please leave a quick rating or review! I pray this episode blesses you! Remember, you don't just have to survive mama- you can thrive!

Connect with the host: Elyse Scheeler

Disclaimer
The views and opinions expressed in this episode are those of the guests and hosts and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Speaking Life Into Motherhood. None of the advice or discussion on the podcast is medical advice. Always consult with your medical provider before using any supplements, essential oils, or therapy methods. 

Elyse Scheeler (00:00)
Hey mama, before we dive into today's episode, have to pause and celebrate. Speaking life into motherhood is officially one year old this week. Can you believe it?

What started as a leap of faith has become a community of hundreds of moms supporting each other through the hardest parts of raising children with additional needs.

one year of episodes, one year of supporting those exhausted Christian mamas, one year of learning to advocate for our children together. And honestly, I couldn't have done it without you.

If you've been blessed with a good day, could you do me a birthday favor? Leave a review this week. It takes just two minutes and helps other exhausted mamas find us when they're searching for answers.

Just scroll down, tap five stars and share what this podcast has meant for you. Now, today's episode is one you need to hear. I'm bringing back professional counselor and parent coach, Jamie Kirkbride, to talk about uniquely wired children, whether it's autism, ADHD, sensory struggles, highly sensitive kiddos, and what do we do when we suspect something's different, but we don't know where to start. If you've been stuck in that analysis paralysis or are feeling dismissed by your pediatrician,

This conversation is for you. Let's dive in.

Elyse Scheeler (02:10)
Welcome back everyone. Today I am thrilled to welcome back one of my favorite guests and also someone who I would call a dear friend and who is now one of my coaches back to the podcast, Jamie Kirkbride. Jamie lives a quiet but busy life in the prairie of Wyoming where she and her husband have enjoyed the blessing of seven, count that, seven children. With a background as a professional counselor, speaker and author, she has enjoyed working with many parents over the years. Now working as a parent coach,

Jami Kirkbride (02:20)
you

you

Elyse Scheeler (02:40)
Jamie helps overwhelm parents of highly sensitive, emotional, or intense kids. Her Calm Connection Parenting podcast and coaching program provide practical tools and faith-based strategies to help families create calm connections amidst very challenging behaviors.

She's passionate about helping parents in the hard work and the hard work of parenting. Visit CalmConnectionParenting.org for free resources and fun quizzes or just to learn more.

Welcome back, Jamie. I'm so excited to have you back on the podcast.

Jami Kirkbride (03:09)
⁓ thank you. I am so glad to be here. I would visit anytime.

Elyse Scheeler (03:13)
Well

today's theme this month we are gonna really be diving deep into talking about like ADHD, autism, some of those executive functioning things and maybe some of the more what do people call them like invisible disabilities or invisible challenges that those kiddos have. And I will tell you guys you know up front I have been so blessed I just started you know a couple weeks ago now I am actually taking part in Jamie's coaching program and it has already blessed us big.

So just, you know, as you're listening here, you can envision what it must be like when you are in her coaching program and just having her love on you and support you when you're going through some of those challenging things. I know for me, yeah, I know for me and I'm sure for other parents, some of the first things that happen is we start to notice maybe some things happening with our kiddo. You know, maybe we're feeling like, wow, that

Jami Kirkbride (03:51)
Thank you, Elise. Thank you.

Elyse Scheeler (04:04)
you know, that seems a little bit unusual or this tantrum, happens all the time and I don't know how to handle it. Could you kind of walk us through maybe what some of the like signs or symptoms or maybe things that parents might be noticing that would be indicators that maybe their kiddo has something going on that might be considered what you call like uniquely wired?

Jami Kirkbride (04:25)
Sure, you know, uniquely wired can cover so many different things. It might be something that is autism spectrum related. It might be related to like a neuro or a developmental disorder. Maybe something like ADHD or a learning disability, DMDD, any of those kind of things. Or sometimes I think as moms, we just get the sense that our kiddo needs extra. Maybe it's extra direction or extra discipline or

extra care, extra understanding, extra guidance, whatever it is, you know your child is a little extra and you aren't quite sure what it is. So you may not even have a diagnosis, but just kind of have the suspicion that their wiring is a little different than what you might typically see for someone their age or

maybe some of your other children. You know, I felt like we kind of had our own little study group with seven kiddos. And when one did something different, it would start to stand out. But other parents, you may only have one child. And so you may be left wondering, how do you know if it's normal or not normal?

Elyse Scheeler (05:29)
I always speak, you I always say on the podcast, like trust your mama gut, right? But sometimes we need to hear those things kind of all interconnected to be able to put it together. What are some of the things ⁓ that maybe when parents come to you that they're typically saying are challenges for them or their kid?

Jami Kirkbride (05:32)
Yes.

I think sometimes we wonder what rises to the level of really mattering. And so you don't even know if you should approach a professional because what if what you say doesn't really fit the realm? What if they think you're overreacting or something? So I think it's a really great place to start. And so a lot of the things that I hear in working with parents is maybe they have a kiddo who is extra active. And oftentimes that's what people

kind of picture for ADHD is maybe kind of the real loud and maybe sometimes people have this stigma of it being unfocused, loud, maybe even ill-mannered. But unfortunately, that kind of does a disservice to what ADHD really is because there's so much more to it. And so you might also notice things in your child that aren't as glaringly obvious. It might be that they struggle to make transitions.

⁓ If they need to go out of the house one day, getting them ready to go can be a huge monumental task. They may struggle with not only, you know, focusing and being attentive to things, but can they make the switch from something that they really enjoy doing to something they don't really like doing? Can they control their emotions? For a lot of these kiddos that are uniquely wired, their emotions are all over the place, kind of like

roller coaster ride and as a parent you just kind of hang on because they feel unpredictable. So if you have a child who is struggling at school, if you have a child that is struggling at home but doing okay at school, start trying to kind of find those patterns. What is it that they're struggling with at home? Is it social relationships? Relationships with peers? Is it waiting their turn? You know a lot of times people

that have the ADHD struggle with executive functions. And I know your listeners have heard about that, but it can relate to things like getting started doing something, just task initiation. It might be knowing how to plan your time so you can get something done. It might be organization. It might be impulsivity or filtering out what you say and what you don't say, or how to know when something is appropriate to do or not appropriate to do.

kind of that acting before you think or speaking before you think. And so a lot of times these are the things that parents are saying, well this is what I notice in my child. How do know if it's a problem?

Elyse Scheeler (08:17)
Yeah, I totally agree. I think it's one of those things too where you can ask.

the teacher if they are, you know, if they're in a classroom, you can ask some other parents, those types of things. And again, like listening to your gut is super important. I think what's really interesting that you said is like what the classic, like, I don't even know that it's classic. It's just what most people think of as ADHD is like the boy who's just bouncing around through them, right? Like that's...

Jami Kirkbride (08:44)
Really?

Elyse Scheeler (08:46)
of think of. But like I will say and especially after doing this week's podcast and like really doing some deep diving and going back to my childhood, I had to be going all the time. And it resulted in me looking very productive and very active and in every single sport and in every single dance and in every single activity I could be in. But I never really could calm my nervous system down. And then that also resulted in all of the procrastination and mistakes and missing deadlines, especially in high

Jami Kirkbride (09:13)
Thank you.

Elyse Scheeler (09:16)
school and those types of things. So that's another thing to pay attention to is that if we don't have to label anything, but I think that that's kind of ADHD is a buzzword. But thinking about those executive functioning skills, like you said, it may not present especially in girls. I mean, I will say for my own daughter and then for myself, that it doesn't always present in what quote unquote we think are those classic things.

Jami Kirkbride (09:18)
That's rain.

for me.

Right.

The classic tells. I think that's such a great point and I'm glad that you bring that up. And it's one reason why so many girls are overlooked when we're considering if it might be an issue. And not only, you know, that major difference between boys and girls, but also, you know, I was diagnosed with ADHD just a few years ago. And, and oftentimes when you first go to a doctor to talk to them about, you know, is this something my child could be struggling with?

One of the first questions that they ask is, well, are they struggling in school? And that's such a misnomer because many girls with ADHD have learned how to compensate and they can cover for struggling in school, but I can tell you that there is something about them that is hyperactive and it's not their bodies. I am probably one of the most low energy people I know.

And ADHD isn't so much about energy or no energy. It's that your body struggles to modulate or regulate the energy. So it's that it's really high or really low, but it can't really function in the in-between. And for many girls, it's not their body that's hyperactive. It's their brain. It's their thinking and overthinking and analyzing. And for me, that's where my body was hyperactive.

Elyse Scheeler (11:02)
Yeah, I can completely relate. And I think that when we start looking at like, what are the challenges that your kiddo is having? Or what are the challenges that you're having? Right? Because sometimes we play just as big of a role. And then breaking it down by those skills. So once you start going, OK, I've got some concerns, some of these things. And again, maybe you're thinking about yourself.

Jami Kirkbride (11:28)
Yeah.

Elyse Scheeler (11:28)
What are some of the steps that we can take to just maybe gain more information? I like to gather data, right? Gather that data and then start thinking about what those next steps would be.

Jami Kirkbride (11:41)
Right, you know, that's a wonderful question because it helps us focus, okay, what do we do with the information we're gathering? And I think there's three things that I encourage parents to do. First of all, it's find perspective. And some of that, I believe, is looking at patterns. Do you see patterns in your child's behavior? Is there something that usually trips them up? Is there a time of day that is harder? Are there certain transitions that are harder?

Are there certain settings that you see more of their emotional change? So look for those patterns and get perspective on what those issues might really be. Because I can tell you this, when you're ready to talk to a professional, whether it's a counselor or a doctor or a parent coach or whatever it might be, it's going to be more helpful for you to have in your mind the patterns you notice in your child. And a professional is going to better hear your concerns.

if you approach them with those patterns instead of your idea of a diagnosis. They want to know why are you thinking this is an issue. So if you can approach them with, I notice my child has a lot of trouble kind of stopping her body when she's asked to stop or in school she seems to struggle to get, you she gets really angry if her teacher corrects her or, you know, provide the setting, provide the struggle and

and let them see the patterns that you've been able to construct because it says to them, I've been watchful and I know. And I can tell you this, if you haven't done that, that will probably be the first thing they ask you to do. And so if you go already prepared with that, you're one step ahead and they can look at those patterns that you're bringing to their attention and then help you figure out how can you find support? Is it support for your child?

or is it support for you as a parent? And I think both are probably necessary. So after you find perspective and find support, I think you need to find tools. know, in parenting so often, we're taught that we need to be clear and we need to be consistent. And we set out to parent these uniquely wired kiddos and we're gonna be clear and we're gonna be consistent. Well, it doesn't matter how clear you are if you're not speaking their language.

And it doesn't matter how consistent you are if you're consistently picking up a tool that isn't effective with them. And so I think, you know, finding perspective, finding support, finding tools are the three best steps for us to take.

Elyse Scheeler (14:06)
That's a great point.

I love that and I think that

one of the biggest things that has been helped, I can just speak for me, even in the couple of weeks that we've been doing this is many people would say if they saw my daughter out and about, she doesn't have anything going on, but we are feeling overwhelmed, which is then resulting in other behaviors. And that's the other part of it too is I think especially with where you are coming from is there's degrees to which our kiddos and us are unique

wired. But I think sometimes it's also the combination of the two, right? And recognizing what you as an adult are triggered by, what are your capacities and challenges. And I love maybe we can talk about that a little bit too. One of the things that we have been doing in your coaching program is talking about personalities and how that plays in. Maybe you can tell us a little bit or give us a little synopsis of, ⁓ you know, personalities and how that can factor in.

Jami Kirkbride (15:07)
Yes.

Elyse Scheeler (15:17)
both as a parent and as a child.

Jami Kirkbride (15:19)
You know, I think that's one of the very first of the tools that I would recommend is that you simply learn what your personality and your child's personality is. Because when you take time to figure that out, it gives you this frame of reference that's a really great map. It tells you what those strengths are. It tells you what potential struggles are. It tells you what emotional needs you both have. It even alerts you to what might motivate them.

or kind of the frame in which they see life. And you can see where you might have overlap and where you might really have some opposition. And I think even more important than that is the fact that it also helps become that gauge for, okay, is my child being impulsive because they're the playful personality and that personality just kind of tends to be very extroverted, very excitable, you know.

all out there and unfiltered or is this something beyond that? And so it gives you kind of that this is normal kind of range for what you would see for their personality because that it's an important basis that you start there. You know can take two kiddos and one might be an introvert and one might be an extrovert. Well how they express their emotions are going to look very very different and having

you know, ⁓ real accurate measure for, okay, my child is an introvert and yet they're having these explosive fits or tantrums. So what does that mean? You know, you might have a dramatic playful child and those fits might be part of drama, but not necessarily part of an ADHD kind of meltdown. And so it gives you that reference for what falls within the scope of what might be typical and what falls outside of that.

And I think the personalities does such a great job of giving you that first glimpse. It's kind of like, like to put it the foundation, you know, deciding if, if, you know, there's basically the four different personalities and, know, the playful, the powerful, the proper, the peaceful. Well, they all do different things based on what brings their personality, that sense of control or comfort or what motivates them.

You know, you may have a kiddo who is a strong, powerful personality. Well, they will probably struggle a little bit to follow the rules. Now, if you have a peaceful child who all of a sudden isn't following within the norms of a classroom, that might alert to something different than a spicy kiddo who is, you know, a powerful personality. And so it helps you in a quicker and more accurate way kind of filter down what is it that we're working with.

what do we need to look at and address? And then how can we support that? Sometimes behaviors can honestly be managed or even quieted if it's a problem kind of challenging behavior. Sometimes those behaviors escalate because it's an emotional need. So when we know what their emotional need is, if we start to feel that emotional need and that behavior is still escalated, it's probably something more.

If our child's behavior and their challenging actions keep tripping us up and we can meet that emotional need, it may likely calm that down or make that de-escalate.

Elyse Scheeler (18:47)
Yeah, I love that. What about one of the themes on the podcast is, and again, I'm not knocking pediatricians, but sometimes like we just had my kid just had their well visit. I mean, we saw her for a hot 15 minutes for the both of them and it was like rapid fire, right? I mean, I didn't have any concerns. We were good. We moved on. ⁓

Jami Kirkbride (19:07)
Thanks.

Elyse Scheeler (19:08)
But when you have concerns and the world is the way that it is and everyone's just going, going, what do you do, you've got concerns, you bring it up to the pediatrician and they're like, that sounds normal. It's fine. Or they go even worse. ⁓ well, we can just give you some medication without asking any other questions. What does that mom do then? Because especially, like, I'm somebody

Jami Kirkbride (19:23)
All

Elyse Scheeler (19:27)
is going to ask questions, I'm going to advocate, I've learned those skills. Not every mom feels comfortable and when the pediatrician tells you to do something either that it's right or that I shouldn't worry or take this medicine, I might be like, guess I have to, that might be my personality, right? Like that I should follow this rule. What kind of suggestions do you have for either maybe like mentally going into that appointment or doing after the fact if that happens?

Jami Kirkbride (19:42)
Right. Right.

Yeah, that's a really good question. And it's one that I don't know that when I first started down this journey, I was well prepared for. So that is something that we talk about, especially in the coaching program, because when you go to a doctor, you may find that they really understand ADHD or some of this other uniquely wired issues and you're on the same page with them. But I can alert you this, even with a background in counseling, there can be some real stigmas.

because not everybody sees the way that these ⁓ neurodevelopmental issues have kind of progressed over the years. And so they may still be thinking of it in more of the classic presentation. And so if you go and you visit with a doctor and you feel like, wow, I just didn't, I don't really know if they get it. I don't know if they heard me. I don't know if they're on the same page with me. It is always okay to seek it a second opinion.

And I think we are so conditioned to just believe the medical professionals that it feels really uncomfortable to do that sometimes, especially for peaceful personalities. And I think that's where I struggled. It is okay to say to them, I don't want to start medication until we've tried some other options. Or it is okay for you to say, I want to try some medication even if they don't feel you're at that point. Like really trust your gut. When you have spent time thinking and

You know, some parents have done the research and lots of prayer. You know, whatever it is that you have put into it, it is okay to advocate for that. And I'm not gonna come out and say whether you should do medicine or not do medicine. It's a very individual thing. But I can say this to you. If you aren't sure that your doctor's on the same page, find another professional and see if there's a better fit. Because it really is important that you have a good fit with that person.

and not that you feel like it's being ⁓ dismissed, not that you feel like you're being rushed into medications, but that you really feel like you can explore your child's needs. And I will also say sometimes occupational therapists are really helpful in this because many of the pediatricians don't work with it as much. They can write the script for it, but they may not necessarily understand a lot of the things that have developed.

And I would say even some counselors can fall within that. They may know how to diagnose it or how to work with it, but their scope of what it looks like and includes may not be accurate. And so make sure you feel like whoever you're working with really gets it. And occupational therapists can be helpful, especially if they understand the sensory processing. And that piece can be so key. And I can tell you this with seven kiddos, I had never heard.

of sensory processing. We had never needed to know about sensory processing until we had a child that really needed us to understand that. And I can tell you understanding the world through his eyes required that I learn about those eight sensory systems. And when you have an occupational therapist that can teach you about that, you will never see their world the same. It is very eye opening. So if you aren't sure if the pediatrician is that person,

maybe consider another kind of professional. And sometimes they can even direct you to other medical professionals that they know really get it.

Elyse Scheeler (23:17)
Yeah, we are, we're going to have an OT on the show coming up. it all, it all.

Jami Kirkbride (23:21)
Very good!

Elyse Scheeler (23:23)
it just

goes with the theme that hopefully, you know, listeners get is that it's, it's, in my opinion, it is never a one thing is going to solve for anything, right, for any medical issue or any difficulty that you have with your child. So getting multiple opinions and understanding that a lot of times it has to be a team. And when you have multiple people on the team coming at it from whatever their strengths are, looking at sensory looking at, you know, kind of what you are understanding from more of that, like,

therapeutic and coaching and looking at all of it from that angle. And then also have, you there might be other angles that need to fit in too, because there might be a medical need or something that is impacting some of these behaviors or some of those other things. So really thinking about having a team too. I guess that would be like one of the next steps is if you don't, at least in my opinion, if you don't feel like the one person that you have on your team, because usually that's the one, right, that we just have a person

Jami Kirkbride (24:18)
Absolutely, absolutely.

Yes, when I say find support, I think you're going to need more than one person because just like you pointed out, least everybody brings to it a slightly different perspective. And one child might need a lot of support, say with medications where another child won't need the medications, but might find the occupational therapy is their best support. And so whether it's an occupational therapist, whether it's, you know, utilizing the SPED professionals at the school, whether it's a counselor or a parent coach,

Everybody can help provide you with that support and that leads to the tools that you'll need to best support your child and you in that journey.

Elyse Scheeler (24:57)
So let's talk about that a little bit. One of the things that I have talked about quite a bit and like revolves or is in my scope of practice are using visuals. Like I love using visual schedules for my clients, for my own kids. Are there any like practical things that you have that let's say, okay, we're starting to work on it. I'm aware, I've looked at the skills that we need to work on. What are some maybe like either tangible tools or other ideas that parents can start to implement at home?

Jami Kirkbride (25:25)
You bet. You know, I mentioned the issue with transitions and I find that with a lot of parents transitioning from electronics tends to be a real classic battle. Maybe it's TV, maybe it's the iPad, from a topic or an activity of high preference to one of lower preference. And one of the things you've mentioned was just making things visual. And that is honestly one of the best tools with kiddos who are uniquely wired.

this timer does just that. It makes the time that they're playing more visual for them, but it also takes away some of the battle between the two of you because they can set the timer and they can see the timer and they can see the time moving, which a lot of them have time blindness. It's very, very real and something they enjoy feels like it goes that fast and they could just swear you took away time. You didn't let me play my whole time when it was an activity of high preference. So this is kind of

You know the judge of time is passing time is leaving now. You've got ten minutes You've got five minutes and when the timer sounds it's not you imposing that it's that the timers letting them know their time is up So making their time visual is one of those things I think another thing that can really help is something to busy them when their mind is busy When they're needing to calm down oftentimes, I just have what I call a calm care kit

And in this baggie, I would have putty. I would have like one of these little squishy balls. You can get these very, very cheap. They have like stretchy ropes, things that they can fidget with, the fidget spinners, because truly and honestly, they will tune in better if you allow them to do that kind of moving. And when I first heard that, I thought that seems really backwards. And our occupational therapist encouraged us

to get one of those exercise balls. And he's like, they would even in his classroom, let him sit on that bouncy ball, the exercise ball, he will be a better listener. And I thought, my gosh, this sounds like a nightmare. I could see it already. They're going to put him on the ball. He's going to be being goofy and silly. He's never going to pay attention. But it worked differently. If he sat on that bouncy ball, he could be the most attentive listener ever.

And he could bounce for 30 minutes, 45 minutes just watching a show. But it was what his body needed to kind of balance itself out. It needed some sort of sensory input. And the bouncing was almost like that reset for his brain. And his ability to actually focus, pay attention, and even contribute to the conversations in the classroom were better when he had the bouncy ball chair.

Elyse Scheeler (28:13)
Yeah, I agree

Jami Kirkbride (28:14)
It really

Elyse Scheeler (28:14)
with that.

Jami Kirkbride (28:15)
can work.

Elyse Scheeler (28:17)
Well, and we have,

know, I think at the time everyone thought I was like a weirdo, but over like when we knew that we were going to homeschool, I want to have a gross motor area in our room. We have two sensory swings. We have a trampoline. My husband's working on a climbing wall. And that's the point now where, I mean, it's a disaster zone. Let's just be real, but it's fine. We've got a lot of it's, and we have peanut balls now. We got peanut balls this year.

Jami Kirkbride (28:32)
Good for you.

What?

Elyse Scheeler (28:44)
which is exciting. So, I mean, they have a really good time. But now my kids are better able to say when they need to get their wiggles out. We have, we've worked on, you know, practicing some specific things and we are actually going to be working with an OT to kind of get some more.

specific ideas because I know as an SLP in the past where I've worked with kids with autism and you know, some of those other things and I'm like, okay, I'm going to give them sensory input and then afterwards you talk to the OT and I gave them the wrong sensory, you know, they were totally wired. So that's why it's really helpful too is because once you get once you have somebody look at their their unique sensory system, you can say well, these are the types of things at least right now that will help calm and these might these might kind of rev them up. So

Thank

Jami Kirkbride (29:27)
alerting or

calming. That's right. And I think we aren't really conditioned to look for that. And I can tell you, you know, even as a counselor, I know when we worked with teachers in the school, some of them don't understand what that means. You know, I remember sitting in an IEP meeting and saying, hey, I think we need to build in a sensory break at the start of the day. And they're like, well, why he's just starting his day. And I said, well, the truth is he has a lot of anxiety around traveling. He rides the bus for an hour. And by the time he gets to school, he's already expended most of his body budget.

And they're like, well, no, he does well. He comes in and he listens really well. In fact, the whole time I'm giving announcements, he's just sitting there rubbing back, just going like this on the chalkboard tray. Okay, well, what is that? He's getting sensory input to calm his body. He's rubbing his back along the chalkboard tray. So when we really watch our kiddos, you can start to see those patterns of when are they seeking that kind of input?

Elyse Scheeler (30:16)
you

Jami Kirkbride (30:26)
And are they seeking something to alert them to kind of wake up their brain? Or are they seeking some sort of input, like rubbing on the chalkboard tray, to calm them? And I think that's when we can kind of start to figure out these patterns and then address how do we offer them supports that help.

Elyse Scheeler (30:44)
And I think the other thing, at least in the research that I've been doing, is that more kids are having some of these difficulties because just as a culture, we're not allowing them, and this is not like my kids work on this too, right? But they don't have as much time doing those big gross motor things, rolling around in the grass, climbing the trees, just because of the parameters of our life. No, at school, they're not gonna allow you to climb the apple tree.

that should happen. And so it is something where, especially like with integrating reflexes and all of that sensory stuff that this is very common for many people, which kind of leads me in to the next thing. So mom realizes that there's some stuff. I mean, I don't know, maybe she's the super mom, but like most moms we feel overwhelmed, right? We go, okay.

Jami Kirkbride (31:15)
You

Elyse Scheeler (31:38)
What do we do next? Now I have all this information. I don't know what to do with it. Or maybe I have some ideas and I'm going to try it. What kind of advice, and maybe we can bring in a little biblical perspective, would you give just for mom to help her take those first steps? I feel like I'm getting a personal coaching call. What would you tell me? And to be fair, I feel like I'm very fortunate in that I'm not in that state anymore most of the time.

Jami Kirkbride (32:01)
You

Elyse Scheeler (32:07)
But you know where she's just, okay, now I'm acknowledging which that is a huge deal, right? To even acknowledge that there might be something else going on either with myself or my child. How do we maybe from a biblical perspective find a little bit of peace even in those like beginning stages?

Jami Kirkbride (32:27)
Right. And I want to normalize too, that many parenting teams come to those realizations at different times. And so not only are you probably feeling this challenge of how do I accept this, you will likely be at a different pace than what the co-parent is at. Whether it's a spouse or an ex-spouse, whatever it might be, you will likely have very different journeys to acceptance.

different ideas about how you address that and that's okay. I would say try to have some agreement in the steps that you're going to take. If you can't have that agreement, maybe approach it with, would you be okay if this is what I pursue? And then decide what you might need as oftentimes moms are the primary caregiver. And so if you're put in the position where you're the enforcer, you're the one that has to get them out the door to school, you're the one that has to work on the education.

you might feel like you need tools even if the co-parent does not. And so really seek and pursue the tools that you need to be the best parent you can be. And of course, I would say parenting has brought me to my knees more than anything else in life. know, prayer really can help. Pray that God would help you find the resources that you need, that he would reveal the pieces of your child that you need to understand better.

Pray that He will help open those doors to putting the pieces together so that you can raise your child to be all that He created them to be. You know, it's no surprise that your child is uniquely wired. God made them that way. Sometimes we just need to know how to make the most of that because even those things that we might feel are a bit challenging when they're young might be the very thing that helps them live out God's call and purpose for their life.

And so that kiddo that's going toe to toe with you now every day is probably the one that's going to withstand the peer pressure later. And just really praying that God would help you see your child through his eyes. You know, what are the positive features, even about some of those traits that tend to be a challenge? How can you help grow those? How can you help identify the struggles and be objective enough to help them grow in those ways too?

and that he would consistently equip you because he's promised that he will. He is not going to lead you down a journey that he doesn't give you the tools for. Now, he doesn't always give us the surplus and confidence in that, but he does promise to equip us. And I can tell you this, he will. He will keep that promise.

Elyse Scheeler (35:10)
Amen. I think my wish for the listeners to hear is that you are not alone. It's hard. You are seen and you know, finding whether it's a coach or finding some community where you can really truly connect and be honest and open and and also some respite. Right.

Jami Kirkbride (35:33)
Yes, start constructing

your team. And I think that that's a great point that someone on that team should be someone who understands your child and can give you a break when you need a breather. Because I can tell you this, even with a background in counseling, even as a parent coach, there are days I'm spent and I might need someone to step in and help carry that load. And you know what? There is strength in knowing your limits. There is strength in saying, you know what?

This week has been tough. This weekend, I could use a couple hours where I don't have to be on. I need someone who gets that. So I think, you know, taking that first step toward developing your team, what is your support going to look like? It may or may not include your spouse right away. They may or may not be ready for that. And that's OK. And just because they aren't in the beginning doesn't mean that it might not change. You might have to walk that journey before they can join you.

And that's okay. But start walking that journey. Find those people, whether it's medical professionals, ⁓ a parent coach, a counselor, people in the school that can help support you in the journey as you discover new things, as you implement new tools, as you brainstorm solutions. You need that team of people that surround you too.

Elyse Scheeler (36:54)
Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for your time today. Again, I cannot recommend her coaching program enough. And I think it's important to know, know, coaches get coached, right? If you have a coach who's not getting coached, like that's probably a problem. We should always be proud of you.

Jami Kirkbride (37:07)
That's right. That's right.

Elyse Scheeler (37:11)
be growing ourselves, whether it is as a parent, as a professional, or all of those other things. And I am just so, so grateful that you came on my podcast for the first time last year as we're celebrating. Woo hoo! It's one year this year. And so grateful for the opportunity to be in your coaching program as well. Can you remind everybody where they can find you?

Jami Kirkbride (37:19)
Yay!

you bet at calm connection parenting dot org and then I'm also on calm connection parenting on Instagram and if you visit the website there is a free quiz there that you can take called the emotional forecast quiz and it can kind of help you take that first step in understanding what your child's emotions might be telling you and where you might take that next best step.

Elyse Scheeler (37:54)
I love this. Well, thank you so much for your time today, Jamie.

Jami Kirkbride (37:57)
You bet! Thank you so much, Elise!