The sacred detour: A journey through burnout, return, and rebirth

Feeling torn between a steady paycheck and your soul’s calling?

This one’s for you. :)

You'll hear the real, unfiltered journey of someone who’s walked away from "secure" ... more than once.

I'm expanding into:

• Burnout, breakdowns, breakthroughs: what happens when the heart leads the way.
• When success fades and certainty slips away, what do you choose: safety or soul?
• My raw reflections on career pivots, money fears, and redefining success on my own terms.
• Spiritual lessons hidden in corporate structures ... and the magic of divine timing.
• A message for anyone standing at the edge of change: your alignment is the path.

If you’ve ever asked, “Can I really choose a life that feels good and still be okay?” ... This episode offers a gentle, powerful yes, my friend! 💛

🦋 Note: You can order your copy of Soul Rising: Guidance for Navigating your Spiritual Awakening via my little link here.

Double note: I mention Yeshuani's 200 Fractal Shifts to Reclaim Energetic Sovereignty. :)

Transcript

 Hello, hello! Oh my goodness. I have such a story for you. Um, my God, where do I begin? Where do I begin? I do not know right here actually. So if you know anything about me, you've listened to any of these podcasts, which by the way, thank you so much. Seriously. Oh, thank you so much. I was full-time in my business for two years.

Before that I was in corporate, and then before that I was in nonprofit. I thought that the nonprofit sector would be where I would retire, man, because I was like, if I could make a difference every single day, giving back to missions that fill my heart up, you know, all that stuff. And then I was in the nonprofit world for I think four or five years and.

I was like, this is not it. Tell me why I'm working nights and weekends and events. I, I cannot stand planning events. I cannot stand it like, oh, uh. But I learned, you know, that nonprofit salaries typically aren't helpful, especially when you're doing so much work and then people say, oh my God, it must be so nice to work for these places.

And you're like, it would be if I was paid more and had better work life balance, but you know, okay. So I was like, I am just gonna see. Maybe corporate is the thing, but maybe corporate where they like give back to the community and they, they spend their money in ways that makes the world better, you know?

So then I found a corporate role that did just that, and I met amazing people there. And during that time I was also in the, uh, process of building my heart healing business and. Through that process of being at this company for three years, uh, I almost hit complete adrenal fatigue. So in that, I learned like my hormones were so close to burnout in that way, and I had signals from my body, but I, I thought, oh man, I just, it crept up on me.

Honestly. I had no idea. Um. Like I couldn't fall asleep. It would take me 30 minutes to two hours to fall asleep, and I'd wake up in the middle of the night. I would wake up every morning feeling like a complete dead battery. I had no idea what was going on. I was completely like I needed caffeine to. Just exist as a human being, let alone the brain fog, the mood swings, constantly exhausted, all of that.

So I found out my hormones were totally outta whack, which took me two years to heal, by the way. So at the end of that third year in corporate, I was like. I built myself up to a place where I could go full-time in my business. I had a safety net of, uh, X amount of money so that I was like, okay, if I run through all of this, I burn through it.

You know, at least I tried. At least I'm the type of person to make a leap in honor of my heart, you know? So at the end of two years after being full-time in my business, I. I was struggling really, really, really hard because people weren't working with me in the way that they were before, you know? And I couldn't understand it.

And at one point I was so mad at source, I was like, why would you give me a gift that I'm so good at that? That makes me feel alive, you know, that is truly meaningful in the world as a heart healer, like I literally help people heal their hearts and awaken themselves to their souls, man. Like, this is the greatest work on the planet.

I'm biased because it's mine, but like how? What happened when I would have repeat clients, I would have referrals come to me from other people. It was so amazing. And then in a split second, it was like everything stopped. And I couldn't understand what was I doing wrong, you know? So I worked with messaging coaches to try and figure it out, and then I lost my voice along the way because I was so focused on bringing in clients just so I could exist and pay my bills.

And that's never a great place to be at, at least for me, energetically, to come from a place of lack and scarcity, but also just like bitterness and resentfulness at spirit for having this happen. So then my friend, who is my previous boss at that corporate job. She came outta nowhere and she was like, Hey, I have this opportunity that if you're interested, like I would love to have you be on the team.

You know, and she told me the salary that she would offer. And I had always thought like if I, if I calibrated to that salary and felt what that was like, I would be happy if I said that I made X amount of this money. If I made six figures, I would be safe. And, and in that process of trying to figure out, is this something that I do, do I go back to corporate?

Knowing that my energy cannot handle being on a computer eight plus hours a day, I just can't. I hit a wall at four hours, which is not great. When you work for a company that expects you to work longer, you know, and I know that I'm not good with politics and masking and ego and manufactured stress, and having to just like, put out fires that are so unnecessary when I, you know, sometimes I just wanna go sit out and watch the clouds roll by.

I wanna do work that is meaningful, that makes a positive impact and a difference. You know, like I, I wanna do things that are truly, deeply, deeply. Meaningful. And I was like, I just don't know if I can do this. So I felt like I was in this tug of war between my mind and my heart, but really it was my ego.

Can I do this? Should I even do this? What if I am taken off my path? Is it gonna be harder than to come back? What happens when I have no energy after the workday to do the things that I love? You know, how can I hold space for clients when I'm completely exhausted? How can I hold space for myself to try and live my life?

And also. Would be, you know, a good partner to Nikolai and to help take care of our pets that we have and all this stuff, you know. So it was just like really, really, really tricky. And ultimately I decided to take her up on her offer and to work for this company. And I remember sitting in the car talking to the HR person and she was telling me the salary, the benefits, the role when I would start.

And after I hung up with her. 'cause I was sitting in a. Parking lot with coffee. I was gonna bring back to Nikolai and it was raining and I sat there and after she said, great. Can't wait to have you on the team. I was like, thank you. I hung up and I burst into tears because I did not want to go back. I like, everything in me was like, but what about your dreams?

What about like. The things that make you feel alive. And then I was like, people don't want what makes me feel alive. People don't want that. And I don't know what I'm doing wrong, you know? So now two years later, which I thought I would only be there for a year, but Spirit has other plans, you know, in the span of two years, I basically took myself through my own initiation.

I went so deep into myself. I had to go and excavate all of the beliefs, all of the fears, all of the things that I did to protect myself, the way that I gave people my power, the way that I thought I was unworthy, or I wasn't good at whatever it was every time I was performative instead of embodied. My magic, you know, like I had to go so deep in myself that I realized I would not have done that if I was full-time in my business because I was so focused on lack and scarcity and self-doubt.

Instead, I learned that. This place while I felt like it was a prison, honestly, it's like truly I felt like I, I was creatively shackled. I had ideas that were not heard or wouldn't, couldn't even be tried, you know, because of culture or whatever these things are. And I was like. So frustrated that it forced me to go so deep within myself that now in hindsight, I can see exactly why I was brought back to corporate because my own mental prison and all of the beliefs I had, and all of the stories that I had and all of this stuff were now it's like I actually got to calibrate to the salary that I thought would make me happy.

I took that salary and I, I did really, really good things with it. Like I paid off all my debt, you know, I got to sit with myself and create just for the fucking fun of it. I did thing, I got to travel, you know, I got to go to Scotland. I like, I got to donate money to people. That felt really, really good. I got to buy dinners for friends and family members, you know, like.

To give me the check vibe, you know, like, so good I got to do all this stuff and, and at the end of last year I was like, I can no longer do this. I can no longer work for corporate doing this work because I feel like every Sunday now I'm dreading five days out of my life every single week. I started getting so bitter and resentful with the projects because I know at a the highest perspective, it doesn't matter.

These things that we stress over, the things that people go on these massive power trips over. It doesn't matter, you know? And I started realizing my role of coming back into corporate was also to show people what it means to be authentic, what it means to be myself in my brightness, and also to be held in my sadness, in my grief.

I got to give my friend, who is my boss, the opportunity to hold me. And also like I got to hold her too. I. Would go into meetings, and this is not probably okay to say if you work for this company because a number of people have followed me from this company that we work at to this podcast because I was teaching classes about how to regulate your nervous system and, uh, protecting yourself from burnout and all this stuff, but like.

I would derail meetings that, that's one of my favorite things to do because everyone wants to come and I know that there are people who are very efficient, who would be pissed off about that, but understand that I can read energy and I can read a room so I know when it is appropriate and when it is not.

But I made genuine friendships from this place. People who will walk with me for the rest of my life, like I realize going into. This space, this container, I would've never met specific people. And what a, a tragedy that would've been for me to never know. These lights, you know. I got to hold people and help them realize things, help them heal things from a deeper perspective.

I got to show them more about their gifts and their magic and the things that I can see within them, because that's one of my gifts is clarity of sight, and I could reflect. Back to them, their limiting beliefs and their fears, and to help them feel more empowered to make changes in their life, whether that was to actually go through with a divorce or to hire the cleaning person so that they have more time and space in their life and they feel more grounded.

Or to be able to advocate for their needs or to ask for the promotion, or to be able to write in a way where that they can have things shift and to be able to take on new projects and all this stuff, right? Like my role in this place is so much bigger than just the job and. That took me almost two years to realize that it's like you will be brought to exactly where you're meant to be, even if you don't fully actually wanna be there.

You can't see with clarity why, you know. So I spent two years here. And in this process at the end of last year, I was like, I, it's time and I don't know what leaving this place looks like because I haven't had the time to build my business in the way that I would like to. You know, I've been totally, fully surrendered to.

Understanding more about who I am to rediscovering my voice, you know, and, and through this, I launched this podcast because I realized I was wearing a mask in all of these different areas where, what would be the thing that would be most terrifying? It's to hear my own self and to be fully expressed, you know, to, to be able to realize like everything that I say matters no matter what, because it matters to me.

So that's like, that's so cool. And that's so cool. Woo, go me. Okay. And because I couldn't understand or know what it would look like, how to leave this job and this specific salary, you know, because I have calibrated to it now, I now understand what this feels like from a nervous system capacity and how I can hold that.

I started looking for jobs and I was like, all of this sucks. I don't wanna do this. And on social media, people are really struggling with finding jobs. So then I started spinning out in stories that it's like these places don't, they're not even really hiring. They're throwing up job postings. And it's really because they have to do it in order to prove that they put the job out there, even though they have someone already lined up for the role.

Right. Or like the job postings are fake, or they're just trying to collect data and trying to low ball offers to people and things like that. Because they have all these candidates and. All that stuff. And I, so I stopped the job hunt for a little bit, and then I was like, oh, well, I, I don't, maybe I'll find this like.

Maybe I'll find a coaching role for a company, and that would be exciting because then I get to use my gifts, you know, and I get to sharpen these skills. And so I came across a company that I was actually really excited about and it was super part-time. And so I went through the interview process. I met this incredible woman, very beautiful, wonderful woman.

And I sat down with her and we clicked immediately and I was like, oh man, this would be interesting if I got this, because it would be on top of my. Full-time job. And I've been telling myself that I can't really hold space for clients because I'm exhausted, and yet I'm gonna put myself through this to have to actually hold space for people even if I don't have the energy, because I am committed, you know?

So I go through this interview process and she's like, since we vibed, I'm super curious, like, would you like to come back and basically do a demo coaching session? Where I will be like a fly on the wall and you will, you know, walk through with someone specifically on our team, someone who actually has something that they wanna work through.

So they invited me back and I was like, oh my God, that's so awesome. Great. Amazing. So then I went in and I, I coached this person, which was actually really hilarious around something I've never even dealt with before, which was, uh, revenge. Bedtime, revenge, sleep, procrastination, revenge, bedtime, sleep, procrastination, which is basically where people get on their phone after they put the kids to bed after their workday, and they scroll for hours to their detriment because they spend their day doing things for everyone else, right?

Trying to do their job, be the parent, whatever that is. You know, they put everyone else before them, and then when they finally have the time, that's by themselves. They, you'd look for the dopamine hit, you know? And it was so funny that I had to coach this person, which, you know, it was super new to me, so I wasn't sure you, I, I doubted myself and I get on the phone call after to like a process with this woman I, who I had been interviewing with, and I was like.

This is your wheelhouse. It's just really weird that I was given someone where this is actually truly your specific wheelhouse. She deals with sleep, you know, and I felt so dumb and outta my league, and she didn't make me feel that way, but I did because I was like, am I even good at this? Like, what should I even be coaching?

Why is this so? Why, you know, like it was the opportunity for me and I just felt like I failed. And then I took myself on this deep and dark spiral of like, well, what the fuck am I doing with my life? Then? Like, if I'm not good at these things, what am I doing? Clearly there's something off. I misaligned, but I can't see it.

And so I went on this spiral and. Two weeks later, I get a message from that woman I had been interviewing with and she was like, Hey, you're one of our top candidates and actually we'd love for you to submit a video explaining basically how you are not going to coach using any spirituality and. What was so interesting to me after I saw that email is like, I took a, a deep breath in and I sat back because I never, not one time led with anything spiritual.

Every single thing, every technique tool, every word. Everything I led with was around neuroscience and nervous system regulation and empowering people with tools rooted in somatics and things like that, you know? And I realized that what had happened was. They looked at all my social content and in my content I show up as who I am, like for my entire life, I've been obsessed with the metaphysical world my entire life since I was around seven or eight.

You know, like this is literally a part of me is my devotion to my soul and learning more about magic, but I didn't lead with it. So I thought that's so interesting that instead of taking what I presented in the moment with them, which was. I mean, now in hindsight, I crushed it, obviously, being one of the top candidates, they wanted me to send a video explaining and showcasing research out of my day, out of my, and I was like, I sat back and I felt like I was at a turning point, like a crossroads is better.

I felt like, okay, I could do this and nail it. Send them back exactly what they wanna hear, and I could bring in this extra amount of income to my own detriment of having to work more than eight hours a day. Um, or I could choose me, I could choose authenticity, I could choose my soul. So in that moment, I said, no.

And I sent back an email to her and I was like, thank you so much for the opportunity, but I would rather lead with authenticity and I'm going to choose me and I hope you find the most wonderful person. And then what was so fun is because this woman specializes in sleep. I actually got her a paid gig at the company I work for to teach a class on sleep health.

You know? So it just felt like, um. I was spent to meet her for a reason so that she could bring her resources into corporate, which so many people struggle with sleep in corporate because burnout, you know? And because they feel like they have to do work specifically in order to have safety and stability, which is what we're conditioned to believe.

So that was wonderful, and I took you on a little tangent, which was great. Thank you for listening. But to come back. To this, I thought in corporate, because I couldn't find a job that felt aligned to me. And because the, I fricking hate doing cover letters and resume shit and researching and all, God, ugh, I hate it.

I hate it. I was like. Okay, and now I'm not gonna do this extra coaching thing, and I feel like I'm doing a disservice for holding space for clients when I'm not in my full energy after my day job, because I just physically cannot be on a computer again. That I was like, well, maybe I can bring more of me, more of my gifts into corporate.

Maybe I could join their mental health community and maybe I could teach them the things that I've learned. Maybe that's the way that I. I have an impact. And as I was driving to work thinking about that, I started talking myself out of it and I was like, that's gonna be too much work. I already don't have enough time to do really anything.

My workload is so big doing these things like do I wanna add another stressor? You know? And then on my way to work, right as I was about to turn on the highway, 4, 4, 4 got in front of me the license plate. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna pitch it. And the worst thing to happen is they say, no, and that's fine.

Or the the worst thing to happen is I take on too much and then I burn out completely, and then I'm a bitter Betty. And then I'm like, what do I even do? You know? But I did it. And then from that was like a springboard of helping bring in more energy into my system because I felt like I was making a meaningful impact.

So I created the opportunity for myself to be able to have projects that made me feel more alive, you know? Then I started running into politics and red tape and bureau bureaucracy and all this stuff. So to come back to at the end of last year, I was like, I can't do this anymore. I don't know how to get out.

I know that I've been looking for jobs and it's not it, and my business isn't in a place where I need it to be. So what can I do? And then. I remember, uh, at Christmas my mom was telling me about how she had an assistant, but the assistant wasn't really working out. And I was like, oh, that's interesting.

Maybe we would crush it working together, you know, like, 'cause that would be, I would get to see my mom more often, which would be so cool. And, um, but I just let it go. So then, uh, earlier this year, I. I went to my boss in February and I was like, maybe what I can do is ask what if I work part-time for this company?

And then the other part, I just build my business and I take a pay cut and. Like, what if, maybe what will happen is I'll have so much more energy in life in me because I'm not working five days a week doing work I don't wanna do, and you know, getting to be outside and all this stuff. And so my boss advocated for me and her boss, the big boss, uh, of our division came back and said, no, because my workload is too big.

And that I was actually probably gonna be getting more work. And that crushed me. Because I felt like I found this happy medium of getting to, you know, grow and give back and share my skills and keep part of that stability that I was looking for and poof. Like it's a no. I also understand from that woman's perspective, like you want your, your team members helping each other getting all this work done, you know, like sharing the load, not wanting bitterness or resentment or anything like that.

I totally get it. And also not wanting to set a new precedence in a structure that does not support humanity. Because when your identity is your work, you eat, sleep, breathe it, and you get all of your ident, like all of your value and your worthiness out of your work, that is a struggle. And when someone comes up against that and asks you to shift or to be more flexible, that's gonna trigger some things, right?

Like, why can't everyone go part-time then like you, you know what I'm saying? I hope that makes sense. Uh, when your identity is your job, it's a problem. And that is the case for her, which is fine. That is her choice, but it's not mine. So I was like racking my brain trying to figure out, well, what the heck do I do?

You know, like what? How do I even move from this place? Like I can't stand it. I'm so unhappy. The jobs I'm seeing are trash. They're probably great for someone else, but I just, I need something different. And then months later this, the idea was like, well, what if I work part-time with my mom? If she would want that, of course.

But like what if, you know, so I. Go to my mom and I'm like, Hey mom, I have this idea. Would you be open to me being your assistant part-time? And then the other part-time, I can work on my business and just like I need the bridge in my nervous system to be able to have steady income come in the way that it is now, right as I transition and grow, because that feels like the wisest decision for me.

Granted, some people can leap and crush it, but I know how my system reacts to things. Okay. So my mom was like, oh my God, that's amazing. What a great idea. So she went to her boss and uh, it's the economy right now of it's 2025, so, right. Uh, they came back to her and they said, no, sorry, we're on a hiring freeze.

And my heart dropped because that was my thing. I was like, oh my God, that was my way out. So then I had to come back and just sit with myself, even though I was like sad. I had to be like, well, clearly you're meant to be here. Clearly. I'm meant to still be like, I'm still meant to learn something here specifically.

But I kept getting all of these signs around me that's like trust, you know, like change is coming, transformation is coming. And I'm like, well, my internal transformation has happened. Like what is it? Because I'm still stuck on trying to force things and bend things to my will, or am I being asked to soften?

And to surrender and to relax and to just be so in the present moment that anything that happens is perfect. And so I relax and I let it go. And um, I started becoming more present with my job and remembering like, you're here to bring light. Like I'm here to bring a spark into this place no matter what.

I wanna leave it in a better, brighter place than when I came. And, you know, like, but then in this process. My mom gets an offer at from this person to work at their company for like a much bigger salary and she was like, I'm gonna take it. And I thought, oh, thank God I didn't like go work for her. And then she leaves because that would suck for me.

And I would be like, well, dang it. But I also would understand because you know, more money and work-life balance and all that stuff. So. As she gave her resignation a few, like a week or two later, the place where she works now came back and they were like, we love you. We love the work you do. People love working with you.

You are such a bright light. Like, we're hoping you retire here someday. We, we love the magic that you bring here. We wanna match that salary. And my mom was so elated, you know, like she was like, oh my God. And then a few days later they were like, do you wanna bring your daughter in for more work life balance for you?

And stuff like that. And so my mom called me on a Friday and I was just like working away or whatever, clickety, clacking on my keyboard. And she was like, Hey, do you want a job? And I burst into tears because I was like, this was it. Like I, I literally got off the phone with her. I ran around my apartment, I ran up to Nikolai.

I picked him up and I jiggled him a little bit and then I put him back on, but back down on the ground and I just cried and I was like, oh my God, I'm free. Like I, I'm so free. And the reason why the story with my mom is such a big deal is because growing up. Yeah, not even just for me, but for her. Uh, our family has really struggled with people pleasing and boundaries, you know, like putting ourselves in places where people take advantage of us and not asking for what we wanna need, and then becoming bitter and resentful and not being able to communicate that or to hold boundaries specifically, you know, in honor of ourselves, our energy.

And that's been a huge path that I've been taking myself on is like. Knowing how to own my power and to not give it away to people and to speak up for what I wanna need. And so I was like, mom, do you realize how big of a deal this is? The lesson here is that advocating for yourself is good for the world because.

She chose to follow something that made her excited, the prospect of making more money. She advocated for herself. She was going to leave, even though she loves where she works, like she fricking loves it. I swear to, oh my God, this woman, oh, and I watch the way people interact with her. It is crazy. Like, Ooh, it's so good.

It's so good. She didn't want to leave them, but she also knew like, money is important and I need more time to live my life. I need more balance, you know? And because she advocated for herself, it created this space for me to be able to have an opportunity, you know? So maybe that's something for you if you struggle with that.

It's like. Advocating for yourself is good for the world. Even if it triggers people, even if the people who are used to taking advantage of you or are used to certain behaviors or a lack of boundaries, they're gonna be triggered because they don't get what they're used to, right? People are triggered by change.

So now I went back to my boss and I was like, I'm resigning. I, I'm ready to go. Thank you. And I said, but I have an option for you. Should you be open? And she was like, tell me. I was like, you can allow me to work here for three days a week and I will work for my mom's company for two days a week. And that way you can bring it to that, that boss and share, like I can either stay and help the team and continue to do my work so that our team doesn't absorb my workload or.

She can decide that they can have all the work. And so my boss went, pitched it and they came back and she was like, yeah, okay, so you'll work for us for three days a week, um, in the process of transitioning. And when we bring on the new hire, you can help train them a little bit, and then you can go, you can leave the company.

And I just thought it was so interesting that I, I advocated for myself the first time and it didn't go through. But I think that it's because I didn't hold a level of belief and conviction in myself to be like back in February when I asked to be like, this is happening no matter what. Like I'm leaving no matter what.

Whether you choose to allow me to stay on for three days or not. Where now when I. I'm actually in the process of transitioning out of the company. It's because I had an opportunity and I was so convicted. Like the energy was, this is happening no matter what. Like no matter what should you keep me on or not, I'm going to be working part-time.

Like I had such clarity in that because now I can't back away from it, you know? Which is like, yes. So, and also I'm very grateful that her boss was like. Yes, have her stay on so that my, like my team is amazing. These women are fricking powerhouses, man. And like also, I didn't wanna contribute to any type of stress, any type of suffering.

Like I wanted them to be able to do their own stuff and not take mine. You know, like if I could make it easier on them. Intentionally, then maybe that's good karma for me later on down the road, you know? And also because I genuinely love these people. They're magic. I mean, when you work with people five days a week, you develop bonds, whether they're trauma bonds or, you know, uh, but so what was so interesting though, is that.

Also as part of this process and something that I'm actively doing is facing my fears and walking towards them, because I believe that fear is your blueprint. The things that you are afraid of specifically, especially around your dreams, around your gifts, around your talents, around your curiosities. Is there something there for you specifically, and there's a part of you that's afraid and that part of you.

Like you are getting to illuminate it for the first time. And so an opportunity came where I was invited to be one of 33 women to sub submit a chapter about a spiritual awakening experience that we walked through. And I knew immediately, freaking immediately that it was going to be about being back in corporate because I felt like I was in my own prison.

And that sounds terrible, especially during a time when, uh, people are really struggling to make ends meet. And it makes me feel like, I don't wanna belittle it, but like, like people are really struggling and I'm at a salary now where I pay off all my debt. You know, like I, I get to, I get to do that. I got to experience money in that way, but from like a heart perspective.

I couldn't stand it. Like I felt, I felt like my light was dimming, diminishing, you know, like, I felt like so trapped and it, it wasn't even so much about like the culture or anything, it's just like the type of work and having to work in a structure that doesn't support your energy. If I worked four hours a day, I would be, oh my, I think everyone should be working four hours a day, like.

Can you imagine how much life you would have to live and if you had the space to be away from the work and the problems? Because in those spaces where you're resting is where innovation and creativity happen. But we haven't figured that out yet as a society because we believe that this structure is the one that's truth and it's not anymore.

And it's, it's like peop, I can't handle it. I don't know how people do this for 30, 40 years. I know. Ooh. Also, it's a different time. I understand that, but like, dang. Oh man. When you were like, I just need a fricking nap. How can I figure out how to game this team system so that my light shows that I'm green, but I'm napping because I can't fricking handle it?

You know, all of the policies they have around the stupidest shit, I can't handle it. Ooh. But I was invited to be a contributing author, and I was afraid about doing that, but I've always wanted to write books. I've always wanted to do it, and I've been too afraid and I had so many mental stories around why would anyone care about this?

No one, no one's gonna think this matters. No one's gonna like your writing. Are you even a good writer? All of these, all this stuff started coming up and I was like, this is why I have to write the chapter because I'm afraid of it. And so. I, although it took me a while to get into the place, to be able to write it and submit it and feel like it was good enough.

It's about being back in corporate and it's about my spiritual awakening and that book drops on May 12th, like you can pre-order it now. Um, which has been really fun. My family and friends have been sending me pictures of them holding their copies, which is like so crazy, like, oh God, it's so crazy. Um, this book is called Soul Rising and.

I have a chapter in there that I'm so proud of. Like my words are on paper in a, in a published book. Like what? And I was like, this is the gateway. Because if I can write a chapter, I can write more chapters. You know, I, maybe, maybe one day I will have a whole book devoted to my wisdom and my stories. Like, what if, because if I did one chapter, why not?

I also told myself, well, if it's the worst chapter in the book, it's fine because there are 32 other chapters in there. Like, hey, we'll see, you know? Um, but it's been really fun to be able to navigate that. But what's fascinating specifically is that this book launches May 12th, May 16th is my two year anniversary with this company.

The same freaking week I started is the same week I talk about freeing myself from my own prison. I taught myself how to go so far deep within me that I could find my own light again no matter what I taught myself now, like literally, I embody wisdom around surrender, around trusting yourself, around hearing yourself more clearly.

Like I taught myself about my own worthiness and my own power, I learned how to walk with myself in my peaks and my valleys, and my rage, and my sadness and my joy. I taught myself the type of light that I bring to places and how. Fucking valuable. It is. I taught myself to see me. That is the biggest gift corporate brought me.

I can, I cannot fathom who I am today because of this experience. It was bar none one of the biggest gifts of my life. So much so that it's in print.

I'm grateful. You know, like I'm so grateful as I worked to transition out of this space, and what was so interesting is now that I've done that, I've worked through this, I'm transitioning out all of these underlying money things are coming up because I'm going from such, from such a huge, like, not such a huge salary, but like such a huge gap.

From where I'm at now to where I'm going, right? Like how I'm shifting in hours, the type of money I'm bringing in now in this part-time role. And my brain is trying to tell me, lack, scarcity, doubt. Oh my God. Like red flag alarm. Should you be doing this? This is so foolish. I can't believe you're doing this.

Like, what about the recession? The economy, like politics every, and then I'm like, but I created space to no longer have a glass ceiling, like. I now no longer have, I only make this much. I've, I now create the space to say what is possible when I'm fully in my energy and my joy. If you listen to my last episode, you know that I shared, I'm no longer chasing money, I'm chasing joy, and by chasing joy, I'm just expanding into more of who I am and what makes me feel alive.

But. Through writing this chapter for this book. I've been meeting these other authors who are just freaking amazing people, like, oh my God. And so I actually was invited to be on, um, her name's Vanessa, her podcast, uh, 'cause she wanted to jam with me about part of my story and stuff like that. And so that we could talk about soul rising coming out.

And uh, it was really interesting because after the. Podcast calls. We were talking for like 45 more minutes because the vibe is there, like we so clearly connected, which is so cool. And she, we were talking about Mary Magdalene and the divine feminine rising and the pope's passing and, um, how the earth is shifting and the, like, all this stuff around receivership and the feminine wound and womb healing and magic.

And so she pulled down a book about Mary Magdalene and being a high priestess and the magic that she brought and the. Divine unity with her in Yashua and all this stuff. And she was like, I don't know why, but I, I have to tell you, like she opened this book and she was reading through the pages and she was like telling me, oh, this is the block.

This is the shadow around this feminine wound and stuff like that, and this is how you can work to heal it. And she was like, I don't know why I'm telling you this. And I was like, but it resonates, you know, like. There's clearly a reason and she was like, well, I have to tell you, it's page three 17. I don't know why, but I have to tell you, it's page three 17, just so you know, if you ever get the book, like it's on page three 17.

And I was like, that's interesting that you're telling me about this page and trying to like drive it home. Clearly that's a message for me. So one of my favorite, um, websites is, uh. I think her name is Joanne, sacred scribes. She talks about angel numbers and she'll, she runs through all the numbers, like one through, I don't even know however many.

So I looked up three 17 because clearly it's a message for me because spirit speaks to me through math even though I'm terrible at math and failed, almost failed math multiple times, my God. But um, I can understand numbers vibrationally, so I thought you would find it interesting. Angel three 17. Is a message of congratulations from your angels in the ascended masters.

Your recent life choices decisions and changes have paved the way for a bright and spic auspicious future, and your positive expectations. Prayers and visualizations have set you on your course and right path. Your clear connection with the Angels is ensuring a strong channel of communication and you are receiving divine guidance every step of the way.

Keep up the great work and keep affirming positive outcomes. The Angels and Ascended Masters are sending you positive energies to boost your confidence in manifesting abilities. Heyo, be open to wonderful new opportunities and expect good in your life. Allow your past experiences to make you a better person, learn from them and let them go.

Do not be afraid to express your truths and values in positive and uplifting ways as mystical and spiritual experiences are occurring in your life due to your increased spiritual openness. And I was like, that was so for me, in such a way that I'm like, that I've never seen, I've never seen a message like that before.

You know, like, oh my God. So, um. What's also interesting is that last week while I'm working to transition out of this job, I am noticing all of the money stuff come up. So even though Spirit keeps sending me these things, you know, it's like, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. This is a wise choice. This is abundance.

Even if it's like super triggering to your nervous system, I'm like, oh God. Um. I had to drive to our new building, which is like further away, which sucks. I have to go into the office once a week, which I do not like doing because not only am I introverted, but now this is an open office and I'm a writer.

I cannot stand listening to people's conversations on the phone, like listening to people talk to each other. I, being in an open office is weird energetically. I went from having an office with a door to being in a cubicle again, and I was like, oh God, this cube life is not for me. It is so draining. So I'm driving home and my brain is trying to spin out and it's telling me all these things and I'm like, oh my God, what the heck am I gonna do about this?

Like, I don't wanna be a burden, which is, has been one of the fears is what if I'm a burden to Nikolai? What if like, I can't make enough money to support us in a certain way, you know? Like I don't wanna be that for him. And. As I was driving home thinking about this and spinning out, right, because my brain is like, this is different.

This has changed. We don't like this. Like, I'm gonna tell you all the things so that maybe you make a dis different decision. And I'm like, Hey, by the way, we already resigned. Like you can, you're not gonna go back. And because I don't want to go back. Um, right as I was spinning out, a car pulled in front of me with a license plate that said, easy, easy.

2, 2, 2. Easy. And then as I continued to drive a 4, 4, 4 license plate drove in front of me, and then I almost got home and an 8 8 8 license plate drove right in front of me. An eight eight. Eight is divine abundance, like four, four. Four is the number of angels protection building strong and like stable foundations.

Two, two. Two is balance and harmony and trusting and taking, aligned, trusting actions. You know, so I just thought it was so funny that spirit is like. Chill out, it's fine. And I also ke like, keep thinking about, well, in this, this whole thing about leaving, I'm like, man, you know what, if I get to a place where I, I really need money.

What? Like, what if it's so hard? What if everything. Goes downhill, and then I'm like struggling for the rest of my life because I've taken myself out of, you know, internal communications for a corporate company. And what if it's so hard to find a job again? And, and every time those little voices come up, it's because there's a part of me that doesn't trust the path.

I understand because it keeps pulling from behind me. It keeps pulling from my past. It's like, remember that time when you were two years into your business and then it became really hard, and then my heart's like, but remember when your friend came out of nowhere? Remember when the universe brought you something you never thought that you would achieve?

Remember how effortless of an interview process it was and how everyone was so excited to bring you on? Remember how you got to work remote four days out of the five days of the week? Like all of these things. So my brain is trying to pull me into the past, and I've been listening to this woman, her name's Yani.

I love her. She is an incredible, she's like a, um, a reality architect. She teaches you how to change the fractal of your reality, which is based on patterns, your programming, your conditioning, and how to change that fractal. How you do that. And so she has this book called 200 Fractal Shifts and. I just like listening to her because when I listen, I hear something new and I, I was driving to this job, listening to her speak about these shifts that she embodies because she has personally walked through them.

Right? Usually what happens is we have contradictory beliefs. I. Which is what I kind of just shared with you, where it's like, part of me feels like, oh my God, this is gonna be so hard. What if it's terrible? What if I fail? What if I become like a troll under a bridge? And then the other part of me is like, but what if I expand into infinite possibilities?

What if I call in more money than I could have ever dreamed of? And I get to share that place from an open heart. Like what if from a positive perspective? So she teaches you through her own embodiment how to shift that, and one of the ones she shared that totally rocked me as I'm driving to this job was I'm not building my future in the shape of my past

that landed in me. I'm a different person now. I see with new eyes, I have more clarity. More of my gifts are online like. I now have such a deep level of embodied wisdom from corporate, from being full-time in my job. I'm the type of person who makes leaps. I take steps towards what my heart is telling me and I trust, and if it doesn't work out the way that I think that it should source has me.

My spirit team has me. I'm always being guided. I'm always being led. I'm so supported. I'm so supported beyond what my brain can even comprehend because my brain only knows what it knows. My brain only knows what it's experienced or yet what it's been programmed and conditioned to believe, which for so many is fear-based, and yet we're moving into an expansion of the heart chakra into love.

I'm not building my future in the shape of my past. I'm building it from my soul now. So if you are navigating change and you are afraid, and it's because it's bringing up old wounds, sit with yourself, feel into those emotions. Allow yourself to really feel those emotions, to feel that fear, because I, oh, I fucking get it.

I get it. But there's a part of you that wants to be heard, you know, and you can hear yourself and allow yourself to let the wave of emotion flow through you, and you can still take an action step in honor of your heart. I can feel the fear of like, what if I fail? And I can still say, but what if I fly?

What if I'm guided perfectly in harmony in the way that I'm meant to? What if I'm meant to go through these experiences? If it's hard, I'm meant to learn. I know that everything that I experience can be turned into something I can teach and share with others. I think that's why some of the hardship, like that's why I've been given s.

So much specific hardship is so that I can embody and heal those wounds so that I can be an anchor point of life for people who may be struggling with that. And I can serve as an living example of like what's possible, you know? So maybe I make this leap and it's hard. Okay? I can learn from that. Maybe I make the leap and it's better than I could have ever dreamed of, which is what my heart is telling me.

So if you're in the process of wanting to make a change, but you're afraid, again, sit with yourself and feel that emotion and really feel into it. Where is that in your body? Is it in your heart? Is it in your solar plexus, your gut, you know, is it in your back or your neck? What color is it? If it had a color, what shape is it?

If it had a shape, is there a metaphor it's trying to share with you? Is there a story it's trying to tell you? Is it trying to tell you about the past and what it fears or is it trying to let you know, like, I don't feel safe. And change is inherently scary. But that's why we're here. We're here to grow.

At least I am. Like, I don't always wanna be in comfort. I wanna meet my edges, I wanna expand. I wanna meet more of my soul, and this feels like the next right step. So again, if you're afraid, I understand and you have no idea what's on the other side of this mental narrative. These things that are trying to keep you where you are, but you're worthy of it.

So I'm excited for this next chapter. I'm excited to transition out of this job and I'm so grateful for everything that it's brought me. I'm so profoundly grateful and I'm excited for what's ahead, even though uncertainty feels scary during a time of great chaos. But man, it's gonna be a good story. So thank you for being with me.

I love you and I hope you have a wonderful magical day.