So you want your wife to bike

When a follower asked the question "How do I get my wife on a bike?" who better to answer than wives! Kristin welcomes our friend and teammate, Alex, to share lessons learned (sometimes the hard way) during their cycling journey, as well as what husbands can do to support wives who want to ride a bicycle

Transcript

Kristin 0:00

Okay.

Steve 0:01

This week on Cycling Together, we are welcoming a special guest who's going to help us answer a question we got from TikTok. It's all about how to get your wife on a bike.

Kristin 0:10

All right. You ready?

Steve 0:12

Let's go.

Kristin 0:12

This is Kristin.

Steve 0:13

And I'm Steve, and you were listening to Cycling Together, a show about all things rot bikes, riding, and riding together.

Kristin 0:20

We are recording from beautiful Ducksbury, Massachusetts.

Steve 0:23

Live from Dux bury. If you are watching the video version of this, you should get some of the things. Or if there's weird things in the background. Shots of our of our location.

Kristin 0:30

Yes. All right. Before we get to the interview and welcoming our dear friend, I want to talk about the week you've had at the shop and why you have come home every day looking like you've been attacked by the bicycles, or you're going to be playing Pig Pen in the Peanuts Roadshow. Because yes, one day you came home, you had so much grease on you, I thought you had dyed your face. You looked like Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon. You had you it was all black, which you were getting gray. So it looked very you were very furry.

Steve 1:05

Flavorsaver.

Kristin 1:06

You were you were flavorsaver. You were very fuzzy, so everything was getting trapped. What happened to the shop this week?

Steve 1:18

You said that every day I came home, and I have no idea. Apparently it was just a very filthy shop. I normally wear gloves while working on bikes. Okay. And you know, funny enough, I actually think I wore more, I had gloves on more often this week.

Kristin 1:36

Okay.

Steve 1:37

And and and you know, your gloves get disgusting and then you get like an itch, and you might kind of, you know, try you try to rub your chin with like the wrist because you can't do it with your hands. I don't know.

Kristin 1:51

Your your clothing is filthy.

Steve 1:54

Things this week tended to, if they fell on the floor, they tended to go under the workbench. So then I'm down looking on and uh, you know, and of course the rubber floor mat on the shop, especially underneath the workbench, is not it's that's definitely a health hazard under there. Right. Right? So yeah, it got it.

Kristin 2:15

Just everything you were you were you're gonna do.

Steve 2:17

I had a lot of dirty bikes, a lot of dirty drivetrains.

Kristin 2:20

Okay.

Steve 2:20

Yep.

Kristin 2:21

You had some injuries too. You injured yourself a couple of times.

Steve 2:25

One was uh with a Yeah, one was getting the a SRAM crank set bolt off, as most mechanics will know.

Kristin 2:34

Is that a normal? Are SRAM crank bolts known to be particularly sticky?

Steve 2:38

Yes. And the other, well, the other was I just whacked my knee. And then was there another one?

Kristin 2:46

It was something about tight tires, or is that those? Oh, and tight tires.

Steve 2:49

Oh yes, yeah, yeah. Thumb injury from tight tires. Yes. Yeah.

Kristin 2:52

What what does that mean, a tight tire? Why was it tight?

Steve 2:55

So this was a tire, this is a in this case a road tire on a road set of wheels, and they were brought into me to basically say, I don't want to do tubeless on this anymore. Here's some TPU tubes, put the two TPU tubes in. Okay. Okay, I want to go back to tubes. And the tire was on so tight that it took me 10 to 15 minutes to get the tire off, and basically losing skin on my thumbs, uh, it was brutal. And I in fact, I only got one done. I was like, I have to I have to heal for the next three days to get the next one done.

Kristin 3:28

What what makes a so what makes one tire tighter than another tire?

Steve 3:33

It is just that particular combination of that model tire with that manufacturer's rim, and the two of them, you know, you have maybe one tire that's slightly undersized, and you have a wheel that's slightly oversized, and you have just the way the the tire beat is and the rim beat is, and they just are so so tight, and you cannot get the beat of the tire off. Now, here's the thing. Uh I actually have to, I did put I did get the tube in. Now I have to test it for how easy it is to get off with a tube in instead of being tubeless. In some cases, the tubeless setup is very difficult, but once you put a tube in, it's not too bad.

Kristin 4:14

Okay.

Steve 4:16

But if it's just as tight, and it could be, yeah, this person will never ever be able to change a flat on the side of the road. Oh.

Kristin 4:25

Okay.

Steve 4:26

And when that when this kind of thing happens, you need to change tires. Yeah. As expensive as tires are, this is that that is not an acceptable combination of tire and rim. Right. You cannot change the tire on the side of the road if you ever get a flat. You cannot change a tube, I should say. And yeah, you need to get a different tire.

Kristin 4:44

So you'll have to test that.

Steve 4:46

So I will test that this coming week.

Kristin 4:48

So fun for you. All right. All right. Well, we're gonna get straight into this episode because we have a really awesome interview with our good friend Alex. Because, no offense to you, sweetie, we've decided that the people who should answer the question how to get a wife on a bike are the wives. Oh, the wives? Yeah. So I will leave. Okay, I am here outside. It's so beautiful. It is beautiful with our good friend Alex. Hi, Alex. Hi. We got a question on our TikTok. Because you know, we do that now. Um, basically asking how to get it was from a gentleman who said, How do I get my wife to ride a bike? And I thought, oh, what a great question. Who can I talk to about this? That's not Steve. Oh, you wanted to talk to a wife? Yeah, because that it was kind of like, I mean, Steve obviously has is gonna have his thoughts that we will share somewhere in this episode. Um, full disclosure, we're recording before we record the rest of it. So I have no idea what he's gonna say. But I thought, yeah, let's let's talk to one of my closest, my closest cycling friend, absolutely, about how a man can encourage his wife to ride.

Alex 6:07

It's a slippery slope. No, and it's gonna be very fun too. Yeah, but it's really fun.

Kristin 6:11

Yes. So before we get to that, let's have you introduce yourselves to the cycling together. All the cycling together community, and just tell me how you started cycling. Just give me a little history on on your cycling journey.

Alex 6:31

Okay, I'm gonna start with I'm Alex.

Kristin 6:33

Yes.

Alex 6:33

Okay, so I'm Alex, and I love to ride bikes. And I also would identify myself as a runner. If you ask me what I am, I'll start with I'm a runner. Um and we've been riding bikes together for let's say a decade.

Kristin 6:50

Is it more? I'm fairly sure it's more than that. Okay. Because our girls are Shh.

Alex 6:57

Okay. Yes. So we've been riding bikes for a long time together. But we also met at an interesting time because if you and I had met probably ten years earlier, I would not have been riding bikes. That's true. I would not have been riding bikes.

Kristin 7:11

And I I wouldn't have been someone who would be riding bikes with other people necessarily. I I was mostly riding bikes just with Steve. Right, right, right.

Alex 7:22

Yeah. So it would have so yeah, so we would not have had this connection, but we would have. But then again, we also didn't think cycle cross was a good idea either, and we figured that out. So did we Helen Wymanheld, but yes. So we did. Right. Right, yeah. So um, so what your question was like, how did I get into the or my relationship with cycling? Yeah, just you're a cyc, yes. So I think like just foundationally, like I always have had a bicycle. Okay. So but for me, I didn't look as at cycling as like a sport or a thing to do. Like it was I need to go to the store and I have and I have a bicycle and I go there.

Kristin 8:03

Like I wouldn't think about You don't you don't describe yourself as a driver because you own a car. You didn't think of yourself as a cyclist because I have a bicycle bicycle.

Alex 8:12

That is perfect. That is ex perfect. That is a yep, I just needed to get to work. Yes. Okay and that the cycle the bicycle where I was living at the time was the best way for me to get there. So that was so, but I've always so I've always had a bike. Um and there was one date after college where I went on a really long bike ride, but I did not understand that at all. So we just didn't deal with that. So, like somebody you were going on a date with. Somebody said, wouldn't it be a good idea to go for an 18-mile bike ride? And I thought, and so I borrowed my dad's 10-speed bike, and I we did that for a long time, and I thought, this isn't gonna work, but didn't end up with that guy. But it wasn't really considering it, it was like an event, it wasn't a thing. Okay. Um, and then when my husband Jason and I were dating, he was an avid cyclist. Okay. So um I would come visit him for the weekends and I would drop him off someplace. He'd ride with me and then with his bike, and then he'd, you know, bike home 50 miles, and I was like, whatever. See you at home, sweetie. Whatever. Um, and he always wanted me to ride with him, and that I didn't really understand. I was like, well, where are we going? Do we have to go? Do we have to like back to the car? Are we just going cruising? Right. Or it, you know, so um my oldest was really little. It was fine to put him on the back of our my mountain bike and just go for a bike ride. Like that was a thing. But cycling again, I think the way we're talking about it, it wasn't like let's go for a 20-mile ride. Yeah.

Kristin 9:46

That would be like, why? Yes, right, yeah. So take our kids outside, that makes sense. The bike is the mechanism for that, but again, you weren't a cyclist.

Alex 9:54

100%. Okay. 100%. And um, so I came into cycling through triathlon. That was when it was like I would go out and ride a bicycle on purpose. It was because it was one of the three things I had to do in triathlon. Um, and I started on uh an old mountain bike, okay, and which Jason did source for me. And I think that he was just so excited that there was intentional cycling that he would have done anything to make it happen. Yeah. Like, do you need me to inflate your tires for you? What can I do? Right.

Kristin 10:26

I I do think as we get into this, the stories when that switch flips for a woman, for wife, um the enthusiasm for the husband who has been trying to encourage that is so can be so adorable. Yes. Or a little intimidating. Yes. Like we had a woman who decided she wanted to do our women's mountain bike ride series. This was the first year, and her husband was so excited. He was like, it's tomorrow, threw the bike in the truck, sent her on the way. Yet it hadn't started yet. It was our leader ride. Oh. And so there she was. Hi Fiona, there she was. She was like, I don't think I'm supposed to be here. I was like, it doesn't matter. You're here, you're here now. Yep, let's go. He was so excited that she had said yes. Yes. That he was gonna move heaven and earth to make that happen.

Alex 11:20

Yeah, and I think the enthusiasm is really important. And I will say, if I if I like think back to it, sometimes it also felt like pressure. Yes. I think that was the other thing because at least for Jason and I, Jason was riding really far, really fast, like, and it was like, I'm not if I can't get out for two hours, I'm not going. Like, and so it was it was a level of intensity where I was like, um, I'm still trying to figure some things out here, right? You know, like that doesn't seem and so part of it was like I loved the support for like the small bites that I was taking, but some of the bigger pieces still felt a little bit like I'm not sure I'm committing to that. So I think part of what was really helpful was to sort of let me say, well, I'm now I'm interested in this next thing versus, you know, when I was a kid, if my dad was gonna teach me something, oh, we're gonna learn how to ski, let's go to the black diamond, you know. So I think that there's part of it of making it so like you leave whatever the cycling experience is feeling like I did a good job, versus I suck and I should stop doing this, and I'm never gonna be able to, you know. So I think that a lot of it has to do with that context, getting that right.

Kristin 12:34

Yep. Now, so you so you started triathlon. Yes. And what were the distances that you were starting with? Like were you doing sprints? I was starting with sprints. Okay.

Alex 12:46

So when I and on, you know, a heavy mountain bike, so 10 miles was a really good workout. Yeah. Um and I think that for well, what happened for me, it was like, well, I'm never gonna be near the top of the pack if I keep riding a mountain bike. Okay. Because people were just whizzing by me, and I was like, uh. So it was like I'm gonna have to figure something else out and getting a little bit more uncomfortable and learning how to do road riding. So that was sort of like it was, but it was sort of but it was again, it was that pull, like, hmm, they are going faster. That you know, that does kind of look fun to go faster. Um, so that was part of it too.

Kristin 13:26

Yeah. I mean, I can't I you know, I've thought a lot about this question since the person posted it because I also have heard the question a lot of times before. And my first response, which might be a little sound a little snippy when I'm asked the question, is usually does she want to ride a bike?

Alex 13:44

100%.

Kristin 13:45

You know, I what you're describing to me is is you taking the inspiration to then find your own way into cycling, kind of with his encouragement versus him being like Yeah, you know, it's interesting.

Alex 14:03

That's a I think that's a really excellent point because even though I was doing the cycling as part of triathlon, there was still a resistance to do I want to go for a bike ride? Like to me, that was also still a little bit like I don't think I ever would have without more encouragement. Okay, so but I so at you know, and I think that honestly, part of it was just like it would be fun to spend time together doing this thing. And I like to be outside. Yeah, and it was almost better to say to me, Alex, would you like to go do something outside for an hour? Oh I'd be like, Yes, what are we doing? We're gonna ride bikes. Oh, okay.

Kristin 14:41

Oh, versus Alex, would you like to go for a ride?

Alex 14:44

Like, I don't know if I want to go for a ride, but I'd like to spend time with you. Outside. Outside, that would be really great. So, do you know what I mean? Like, so a sort of finding like there was one way where it'd feel like you want to go hammer out 50 miles? I do not. Um, I do not. Um, and also on the other side, so the other side for me is you know, if I had said to Jason, um, you know, how do I get you to be a runner? He'd be like, Oh, we don't do that. Right. Right. So, you know, we do do some trade-offs, right? Like, well, how about you run with me? I'll ride with you.

Kristin 15:20

So for a while it sounds like bikes were still kind of a means to an end. But bikes were a piece of the triathlon thing, but they weren't necessarily describing yourself as a cycle to the no, absolutely not.

Alex 15:33

And it took me, I think, um, actually for me, I think it was really helpful to do some different kinds of cycling events, but not with my husband.

Kristin 15:44

Okay.

Alex 15:44

So doing like women's rides was really fun for me because um, I don't know, it gave me a space to talk about the things like to not know a lot and to like be like, can I wear my underpants underneath the bike shorts? Or no, that's not good. We don't do that. And it was sort of a a different place to ask those things, and like I didn't know about like which chamois creams for like and what is this thing that's happening over here on this part of my chafy bits. Like, it was really nice to be with women. Like, what is this new thing? Yeah, how like I used to be no, um so I think honestly, I think part of it was also just you know, I so I had decent enough equipment that was really helpful. He really helped me with that, and he was really good at that part, but then I also sort of needed to find some people who I could ask other questions that he couldn't necessarily answer for me or to really be a beginner with, to be fine getting lost, to be fine not ha being able to do clips and all that, you know. I just to sort of normalize just being there for a little while and making and it was fun, it was silly, like we were able to laugh at each other. How did you find those people? You know, um I well that they kind of I guess they found me or I met them because I met them through friends, like there's gonna be this women's ride. Do you wanna do that? Sure, why wouldn't I want to do that? Right. I and I think and and like the women's the danskin series for the sprint triathlons, that was hugely important. And it sort of gave for me, it made me feel like I had a place to learn where there wasn't gonna be so much judgment. Right. So that is part of what made it easier for me. Um you know, I so I will say that like with Jason and I riding together, like we have figured out things that make it more fun. Okay, like so things we have learned is like when we were riding together in the beginning, we were both on the road, he would go fast and then kind of come back and do circles while I caught up on a hill. And I felt really bad about myself. So, and then I said that makes me feel kind of bad, and we don't do that anymore. Right, right. Oh, could you not do circles around me? Could you not? Yeah, that doesn't make you feel good. Because I know you can go fast, right? Yeah. So I think honestly, so if the question is like, how can I get my wife to ride with me? I mean, part of it is, and I've had to do this when I run with Jason, like I need to run with him. Yes. I can run at a faster pace, or I can run with him and be with him and have a conversation because that's what I'm doing today.

Kristin 18:20

Yes.

Alex 18:21

I'm not necessarily hammering. Yes. I'm running with him. And so it's the same thing. Like if you're gonna ride with me, ride with me. Yeah, right? Yeah, I know you can climb this hill really fast. Yes. Um, and then the second piece is like, I also know you can ride this hill really fast because your bike is so much better than my bike. Right.

Kristin 18:38

And I do think the you know, uh obviously we've we've had the show where we talk about that it's important that your wife have a, I'm not even gonna say a better bike, but a decent bike or a bike that works for them. Yes. My thing as I really started getting to cycling that Steve and I had to have a conversation about was my bike has to be my bike. Yes. That my bike cannot be um your extra bike. Yeah. My bike can't be the bike. Do you remember? I do. The the we were supposed to go on a ride. Yes. Small window. And small window, window was open, and he had taken the pedals off of my bike, and I was in tears. Yeah. I was devastated. So that was a really important moment for both of us, I think, for me to really understand my stuff had to be ready. Yep. And I really had to claim my stuff. Like, I really had to, yes, take some responsibility for it, but just in general, like make sure there was an expectation that my that I have my stuff.

Alex 19:44

And I think I think similarly, like, I don't know if you had this, but like some of the things for me when I was thinking about riding and things like that was like if Jason sort of was always my mechanic, if I got into a pickle, like I how was like, like you know what I mean? Like, so I kind of would be limited in what I thought I could do because in case I got into trouble, like would I just call somebody and they'd come pick me up, which was my solution for a while.

Kristin 20:09

Yeah.

Alex 20:10

But then it was like, okay, maybe I shouldn't know how to change a flat. And like some of those things also made it so that I could ride more enjoyably. Like, so like a lot of it, so I think you know, at the end of the day, I think everybody is gonna have different things that they need. Yes. But I do think that with most women that I have met as new riders, I think that husbands can be incredibly supportive and I and and help get us started. And I think it's always great to have other women to support you while you're getting your cycling legs underneath you. I think that honestly was the biggest thing that helped it stick for me. Um I think the other thing is for a long time I didn't get it. We and I think we've talked about this before. I would go for a bike ride, and I like I'm used to feeling miserable after a run, and I didn't have that same feeling. So it was sort of changing expectations, right? Um but yeah, so I think if it's gonna I think if it's gonna be fun, it should stay fun. Yes. If that's or or if you agree that you both want to go out and suffer, then you should but whatever it is, I think it's long I think that's the those are the most important things I think that we needed to overcome.

Kristin 21:18

Yeah, and one of the things I was thinking about again as I thought about this question, was uh for Steve and I, how much more is on my brain than Steve than on Steve's or Steve may even realize, right? Where um so anytime he could help me prepare like just this is especially when the kids were younger and you're the thick of it, so I'm thinking, like, okay, we're gonna go out for a ride, but um, is Andres where he needs to be? And when do we have to be back? Where is my helmet? I mean so if the d I could come downstairs and he had my snacks, he had my water bottle, he had my he had my shoes, he had my helmet. Yep. And so like he can't necessarily lift the mental burden. Yep. But if he if this was important that he wanted to go for a ride for me with me, it's like it helped immensely, right? Yep. Um, or even to be like, hey, don't worry about it. I know what the schedule is, right? Even I mean, even now we talked just on our walk, we were talking about how you know he's like, I'm kind of resigned. We're not gonna do van trips until the fall. And that's because, yeah, I look at the weekend like, well, do the kids need me home? Right. Do the kids want me home? Do I want to be home for the kids? Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure.

Alex 22:32

You know, and he's like, Where are we going? Yeah, and I mean, and that's it's so funny because that is so sort of adjacent to things because part of when um Jason and I were first dating in um JD was so young, like he would go take off and go on like these three plus um hour rides, and uh I didn't have that time with my kid. And so part of like, and I don't know everybody's circumstances, so the question's really interesting, but honestly, like at that point in time, like if Jason like was like, let's you know, have you ride more, if he was like, I hired a babysitter, honestly, that would have been the thing that would have helped me the most in that moment, right? Or I came into the kitchen or I packed the lunches so you don't have to, so now you have the time to do it. There's a million things that also add up to having the space and the mental space, like you're talking about, to do it too. You know, and it's Jason and I have like just a very similar thing with you, but also different. When sometimes if the hard I have a hard time if someone packs all my stuff for me, because if something's not in there, then I get really pissy. So we also have sort of a rule that we each are responsible for what's in our things, even if the other person helps by laying it out.

Kristin 23:39

Yeah.

Alex 23:40

Because we've we've gone places without you still need to check.

Kristin 23:45

Yeah, no, absolutely. And I mean it's a different place now than again when the kids were eight or ten. The difference for me from what you're talking about is I started before we had kids, and also before we had all these. I wasn't raised, it took me years to get to a point where I was either riding by myself or I met I mean, honestly, you're one of my first cycling friends given. And you're such a cycling madass. Like I'd be hard. I know, but it was so hard for me to wrap my head around. Like I just rode when Steve was riding or rode with Steve. I rarely rode on my own. Um, and just yeah, imagine what that would have been like if I had found friends.

Alex 24:26

But I think also it's funny because um I think one of the like I look at sort of like these growth spurts in cycling, like sort of like these milestones I reached. And I think one of the milestones was, you know, printing out a 25-mile route, like having the turns written on a piece of paper that were taped onto my bike because I had no bicycle computers. Yeah. And a girlfriend and I went out and we rode 25 miles. Right. I don't know that we were fit enough to do this, but the fact that we did it together, it really helped with my confidence about being able to do things. And I don't know what it is, but it was sort of just allowing yourself to sort of be in that new thing. And I do think, you know, because you and I have tackled lots of new things together. Yes, something about having a girlfriend go through it with you also is really wonderful. So, like, so like Jason can help, like you're gonna watch the kids, I can go ride with Kristen. That helps me ride with him more. It all adds to the city.

Kristin 25:18

Oh no, absolutely, because I think a big jump for me was also, and where we met, I mean, we met with the kids, but I was getting into triathlon, you were already in triathlon. It was the first time I was really riding solo, but it was in the triathlon, you know. I'm gonna go, he's working, yes, he's here, but he's not but riding, but off I go, and then yes, I had I had I found you and I found Nancy and I found and it was like, oh, we're gonna, and they and those that's where my cycling really jumped to the next level because I think that's around the time where I was like, you know, I think I'm gonna commute to work on my bike, and he was like, by yourself. I was like, I can do that. I think I can do that, right? Right, and I came down to see you and we did the Rafa 100, and you both sang closer to fine to me because I was like, if it had been with Steve, I would have murdered him. I would have been like, this sucks. I think there were French fries too. Oh, we definitely saw French fries. But it was just that we okay, no, I'm not gonna turn into a complete beast right now, these new friends of mine who are push who are helping me. Right.

Alex 26:27

And then you have a hundred miles underneath your belt, and now you're like, oh, what else could I do? Right. Like I can do lots of things. If I get, you know, so I think each one of those little confidence building things, and I think, you know, we're talking about husbands and wives, but like I think there's um a lot of evidence that we women get really like we lack the confidence if we haven't done the thing yet. Yes. Men tend to be more com confident about predicting that they'll be able to do just assuming, right? You know, right? Yeah, both both sides have their pluses and minuses, but so part of it is that it's like sort of the opportunity to practice in a really supported, comfortable, you don't have to know the thing and it's okay sort of way. I think that it it helps the whole experience. The other thing which I think is funny is you're talking about like, you know, my bike is my bike.

Kristin 27:15

Yeah.

Alex 27:16

When your wife does get into it and she has more bikes than you, like right now, Jason's gravel bike is broken and my mountain bike is his bike. So it's worth figuring it out.

Kristin 27:26

Oh, it's so worth figuring it out. And there is that confidence of to your point learning how to like last Sunday I cleaned the bikes and I took the rear wheels off and I was cleaning the cassettes and I was and there's a a confidence to that that I haven't had over you know over the years. But um yeah, I mean I think this is all finding I keep coming back to the like it's not so much for you to get your wife on a bike. She needs to want to do that, but it is you can what you can do is is do all the things to help her right when she makes that decision that she does want to try.

Alex 28:07

Right. And I think there's also something that's um there's a sweetness to it if you kind of like actually back the whole thing up, which is really sweet. You know, when Jason and I like we were sort of like it's not because I just want you to go hammer, like I just I really like doing this thing, and it would be fun to do it together. I mean, that's at the end of the day, like, okay, yeah.

Kristin 28:28

If that's all we're doing is just doing this thing together, that sounds great. Well, I just so I did ask our women's mountain bike group. I was like, do any of you have any tips? Oh, great. And um, one immediately, Kyla got back to me. She was like, I have tips. I have so many thoughts. And she started riding during the pandemic. We're actually hoping to have her and her husband on. Um, but she said, make sure the first experience on the bike is good. Yeah an easier course, plenty of brakes. Make sure she knows how to change gears, etc. The times I've witnessed a negative experience, they didn't know what they were signing up for, had mechanical issues, or had trouble keeping up. Now she's a mountain biker, so I think some of this is in there. A co-ed group ride, not a great place to bring your wife and let's people she knows. Yeah. And and I will say I had one one friend was telling us he brought his daughter, who's a grown-up, to PMC Unpaved and was like, okay, go. And apparently at the end, she was like, I no, that was bad. I hated that. And I was like, that is not the right first ride, guy. Like that's not where you start.

Alex 29:36

No, I you know, Jason, when um in the beginning, when we met, he was doing a lot of mountain biking. Yeah. And he wanted me to mountain bike in the Ashland State Forests with him. Ooh. And um, again, like my limited experience had been triathlon, so that's straight lines, right turns, straight lines, right turns. And I'm still not a good mountain biker. I get really scared doing it. So it was also the like so that was the wrong entry point for me, even though I had signed up for next era. But the wrong, the wrong bike, the wrong type of discipline. Yeah, it was it wasn't like so it was too much of a challenge for me. Yes. Like I just like I think to to her point about the win, like like I think we're all fine with a little challenge. Like what would I but but like what do I actually know how to do? If I don't know how to clip in yet, that could be a win if I just figure that out that day. Like that just a really excellent point, right? Make it all a win. Make it all a win.

Kristin 30:31

Make it make it bike-sized chunks, as you said, have an you know a nice break and uh bike ride to the ice cream shop, for instance. That's no, exactly because also the place you just described, Ashland State um the park, yeah, is so ruddy.

Alex 30:49

It is of all the places that I would even in the town of Ashland, our town forest would be a better choice, but it's still you know, really it's the rail trail you should have gone on because you and Steve and Jason have spent the rest of our cycling careers together saying, Alex, nothing's that bad. Like there are other places to mountain bike that are actually nice, you know. So we've had to overcome of that experience all the time. And that's my and that's my that's my association sort of with mountain biking. Right. Where my association with road biking, even cyclecross isn't wasn't as scary because we came in at a better entry point for me, and that made a huge difference.

Kristin 31:31

And and again, I mean, cyclecross, we immediately found a community women so fast, and you know, because it's also set up with this like beginner entry novice racers, women racers, age by age. You're like, look at all of these other ding-dongs who have decided to do a thing and also are very, very honest about how it's going. I will never forget Nancy um telling us she had recorded a she was also a triathlete. Yes, and she had recorded her first like cycle cross race with the with the GoPro, and she heard herself going, I thought I was in better shape.

Alex 32:17

Yeah, you were just for that sport. And I think that's the funny that's all I mean that's I know that's been such a funny thing about cycling. Every kind of cycling is like, it's oh, this is a different sport now. I mean, so it is that that is a little bit hilarious, and some things transfer and some things don't, but yeah, that that part is really funny.

Kristin 32:37

I'm gonna go back to gear for a minute. Okay. I do think I don't want you to spend a lot of money, but I want you to have not just your own bike. I want you to have your own jersey that fits you properly. I want you to have your own shorts. I don't necessarily want you borrowing your husband's short. You know what I'm saying? Like I want you to make it just a small yep, doesn't take a lot.

Alex 33:00

Well, it makes a big difference. And I guess it's also that you're comfortable. And it depends on what is like what do you want to, what's the cycling you want to do with your life. So that could be different. So something that's appropriate for it. You know, the other thing I'll say which made a huge difference for me because I didn't have the experience is when somebody fit me onto my bicycle the first time, I had no idea that your back didn't have to hurt. Like, do you know what I mean? Like it was like, oh, oh. So I think also too, even if you had somebody who like you know, I don't you could look at you somebody on their bicycle to make sure they're fit and they feel comfortable, but nobody actually even said to me, When you're on the bicycle, you should feel comfortable. I thought when I was on the bicycle, I was just supposed to feel this bad and my back was I thought this was just that was just people want to do this. Nobody hurt like if if if if if this doesn't feel right, you're not set up right.

Kristin 33:55

And had you ever said to someone, I'm I my back hurts regularly. I just thought that was you just thought that was nerfed. No, I just thought that was.

Alex 34:03

Yeah. And somebody looked at me and they were like, Are you comfortable? And I'm like, I'm fine. But I my first um 10-speed bike was my dad's, and he and I weren't the same size. Yeah.

Kristin 34:16

But you know, you know, and the other thing I think that's important when you ride with someone who is a very experienced rider, I think there's two th and a male, uh, there's two things, is their how they know to ride, the things they know to do. A, it's um it's like asking them how they breathe, right? So it can be really hard to get advice from Steve on how to ride because like he just doesn't necessarily know how he does something, he just does something. Yep. Um the second is female bodies don't always do things the same way as the male bodies.

Alex 34:52

Female bodies are very complicated. Let's just say that they're very complicated and they have a lot of parts. Yeah. And like, so to be able to like understand that like the answer, oh yeah, you just do this, isn't always true.

Kristin 35:07

Right. First of all, I'm not going to like that answer because that's how my brain works. It's not gonna fix anything. That's not gonna fix anything. I may be proportionally different. Yes, like um, we had our women's ride recently, and I was we were gonna do a big roller, uh, which one of the riders like, you can't ride that. I was like, No, you can't. Let's we're gonna do it right now. It's so exciting. And two of them, one of the husbands, had been telling them how to do rollers, and they explained to me, well, he said, Don't shift your weight too far back because we'll just don't, it should be about here. It shouldn't be behind the saddle. And I was like, Oh, okay. So then I did it, I did it myself, and she goes, You were really far behind the saddle, and I said, Yes, I was, and so we just explained kind of the mechanics of it that I was further back than he had recommended she be, but I was also very low so I could put some more weight on the front tire. And I was like, there's the two things of this: either I'm just using different words that he's he's I'm describing it differently so that you understand it differently, or my body's proportioned differently than his. And so for me, this is how it works better, and so it was really just interesting. I was like, he can be a an excellent rider, yep, but his strength is in a different place than yours, his proportion's women's center of gravity is in a different place than men's center of gravity, and that's gonna change things around.

Alex 36:33

Yeah, and I also, you know, I think that back to like sort of mixing it up and having women to ride with in addition to riding with your husband, it's helpful because like you know, what Jason was telling me was the way that he's figured out how to do it and the way that works for him versus like these are five options that I've seen to try one. Yeah, like for I'm like, okay, that's how you do it. So I and and it wasn't on him, but I took it as this is how I have to do it. And it was like, it's not really working, but I'm gonna do it, you know. Right. So there's just something about I think the variety. Um and there's, you know, we'll figure it out, right? So I think that like when Jason and I in the big early rides, we did really well if he was making suggestions versus telling me what to do or offering some choices that I could try out. Um, so that was definitely helpful. I mean, it and it's just so funny. I mean, the early days were so funny because like I know street signs, he knows landmarks, and so we had a very hard time with a lot. I mean, some of it was just silly when I look back at it. Um but if like we were both in the mindset of this is really silly. Yes, we should stop and get something to eat or something like that. It that helped. Yeah, that helped a lot. And we and we got to the place where we would go out and hammer for 50 miles. Yes, but we couldn't have started there.

Kristin 37:58

Yeah. I'm well, I'm having one thing that as you're talking about this for years, I finally told him he just has to stop it. Like we would be mountain biking and say there's a rock wall and I don't go over it. He would go, Oh, you could have done that. And I finally was like, You need to stop saying that. It just pisses me off. I j I know you're trying to be encouraging. I get the but actually it turns out it's a complete trigger for me. But I also just had a complete revelation right now as you were speaking. Because so we do these uh rides on Friday nights, and it's we talk about it all the time that it is not a no-drop ride. It's a hang on for your life and hope you get back to the end ride. And I get grumpy about it every time, and I realize right now why I get grumpy about it, beyond the whole like somebody could get hurt, somebody I could get lost. I don't go to the Friday night ride to ride with the group, I go to ride with Steve. Yes, and I'm recognizing right now that it's bothering me because he's he's obviously there to ride with the group. Yes, so he doesn't stay with me, yes, and I feel abandoned. Oh just had a major milestone, and it's okay, like I just need to recognize that when we're on this ride, I have to go to that ride to ride with the group, not to ride with Steve. And I just can't get I just get so angry at them.

Alex 39:25

And I and and to go back to like again, I'm gonna go back to the sweetness of the question because like how yeah, like so. If like I think if if I think about someone asking this question in a way like, I really would like to go for bike rides with my wife. Yeah, if that's how the question's being asked and you're gonna go ride together, I mean, I think that that's the whole conversation to have like I'm gonna be with you. Like, even if I'm going with the guys, I'm just gonna be with you. Like making sure that's clear is I think just incredibly important. Sometimes I think in the beginning I felt like Jason wasn't saying, like, I just want to go ride bikes with you. I felt like sometimes he was saying you should do this. Right. Because he has a positive experience of it, wants me to have a positive experience. It's good exercise, all the things, but I really don't like shoulding. Like, you don't tell me what I should be doing. Like, so that's a whole that's a whole thing that became a different thing that then we had to overcome that because then I didn't want to go for a bike ride. Right.

Kristin 40:18

Right. And then I mean there is also head trash. There's a lot of stuff in your head, and you, you know, you like when we do mountain bike rides and we say this is a no-drop ride. What we often say is, you know, Kristen is the sweep. It is her job to to be the last. So you can tell her to just go, she is not going to. She won't. She would but and they'll go, but I feel badly. No, no, we we set the rules, and you don't have to, no apologies. Seems like a waste of energy, right? Seems like a waste of energy. And I think sometimes, even though Steve was saying, I want to ride with you, we're gonna do a ride, it's that spinny thing that because he used to do the same thing, it doesn't feel like that. No, it doesn't feel but when he finally hit a rhythm where he was like, I'm just gonna go behind you. I'm gonna let you set the pace. I'm gonna just look at your bum the whole time. It's great. It's what I want to do. Is this the big podcast? What's it? No, it's not. Be talking about um Saddle Source next. No, um, I think then it starts to feel less bad. Yes. I'm not chasing. I hate there are these memes of like, you know, my ha my boyfriend, my boyfriend riding his bike, and then me riding my bike. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, and I keep saying, I need someone to do that in reverse. I need the wife to go flying by and the husband to be like doopy doopy doopy, because I know they're out there where the wife was the first. Oh, absolutely.

Alex 41:48

And also, get on it, guy, with your women, somebody. But well, I'm just gonna say, but like, be careful what you ask for. Right. Also, too, because there have definitely been times in mine and Jason's, and I think you've probably had it with Steve, like in our training cycles, when there have been things that I've been training for which have required an enormous amount of endurance and power.

Kristin 42:11

Yes.

Alex 42:12

And there have been whole phases of our riding together where I may have been going past him on hills very fast. And that means it felt very good. No. But it's you know, something so but but it was also okay, right? Like, but we but that did happen also. So be careful what you wish for, because you might get to watch your wife go by you up the hills. That could happen, or go over uh, you know, some kind of like do the rollers that you couldn't do, or go over the wall that you actually couldn't do.

Kristin 42:42

That happens the other thing, this the uh new phase challenge. So I went for a ride on Friday morning with a group, uh small group. Uh it was mixed train, but I was on my mountain bike, and it's three guys, Steve and these two other guys, and Steve and one of the guys goes, Okay, so you can the left is a down and a drop, and then well, Kristen, you can go to the right with this where the stairs are. It'd be great. Ship, don't do that. And so the two right, they didn't ask, what would you like to do? So they go off, and the third guy says, You can do it. And I was like, Can I? He goes, Yeah, you can. He's ridden me with me enough times. He goes, Yeah, you can do it. And sure enough, it was it was a it was probably the highest, like I because I don't jump off things, came down and it's a drop. So I dropped the front tire and I kept going. And I came up to Steve afterwards. I was like, Yeah, don't that's that's not okay. That's not okay. That's not okay. Tell me what it is. We are uh we are at the point in my cycling now where I've got more skills, definitely. A lot more. And tell me what's to come and then let me choose.

Alex 43:48

I think yeah, and so first of all, you not only do you have a lot more skills, you just have a lot of skills.

Kristin 43:54

Aww. You can come on the show anytime. Okay. That costs you five dollars.

Alex 44:00

No, but you do. You have a lot of skills. And I think um I think that's part of also the natural part of cycling with partners and things like that. Because, you know, there were definitely rides and it just made me think of it like where Jason was thinking about where I my riding skills used to be sometimes. And it'd be like, no, I like don't that's not the option for me anymore. Like again, you can describe it for me and let me make my choice.

Kristin 44:22

Yes, that's all I'm saying.

Alex 44:23

That's that's great. Right. But like I can do these things now. Right. Yeah. So you also like you have you have to let the Okay, that's we are so complicated. We are again very, very well. You said like, you know, like you'd like to have this in reverse. I mean, Jason and I in running, this was in reverse. And I, from the experience of being the person coming into the sport, like, yeah, I may have had the tendency to want to run in circles around. But like, you know, it's like, okay, you didn't like it.

Kristin 44:53

Yeah.

Alex 44:53

And you want to run with him. Like you want to run together, so run together, right? It's been really helpful. Come back to that. Yep. Really, really helpful.

Kristin 45:00

If we're gonna do it together, let's be together. Yeah. So it sounds like find the right discipline, make it fun. Yeah. I it's I it I don't think it's like I don't want to make it sound like with all this conversation that it's actually not overly complicated.

Alex 45:15

It's not overly complicated. I think, you know, if Jason, like, I don't okay, so I am a coach, so but I'm not gonna get over coachy. But if Jason had said to me, Okay, I'd like to do this thing together, is there something about that that sounds scary or bad to you? Yes. And I just got to like kind of riff about, like, well, let me give you the list of things that sound scary, and like we just picked them off also, like we probably could have gotten there faster, but I I can only say that with hindsight. Of course, right? But just to normalize it. We could all be so mature and but it's that but no, but like it, but like so if you know, if my kids were like, I, you know, I want to start cycling, I'd be like, okay, what part do you feel comfortable with? Yes, and what do you feel what what is keeping you from doing or what feels scary? Yeah. And like we could do that, like so it's that simple.

Kristin 46:01

Yeah.

Alex 46:01

Right? Like, you don't think you have the right shorts. Okay, we'll go buy shorts, right? Or yes. So, okay, great. But like, so sometimes just very simple is helpful too. This has been so much fun. Thank you, so I'm surprised. It's so good that our our husbands got us to ride. I uh I will say, I mean, so I also don't I have a hard time defaulting to he got us to ride or then got us to ride.

Kristin 46:27

Also that's my thing. That's that's back to my does she want to ride? Right. Like when I look back, yes, I did not own a bike. I had not owned a bike for probably since I had been in high school. And even then, I'm not sure it was mine. It was probably my mother's. Okay. Right? Yep. I was a rollerblader. And when we met, he also so many more wheels. So Gen X. Come on. Like, is there anything more Gen X than I was a rollerblader? And so when we met, he was a big mountain biker. I don't remember him necessarily being like, Do you want to ride? We should ride, should we get a bike? I I do believe I was the one who said, that seems fun. Yes. You are a person I like. This is a thing you like. Yep. I am game to give this a try.

Alex 47:14

Right.

Kristin 47:14

And what he's been really good about is uh not allowing, but supporting each of my evolutions, right? Because I started in mountain biking, which I mean honestly looks looked like uh just a hybrid bike because we didn't have my first trek. There were no shocks. There was no shocks, big tires. Yep. Um to then we had the kids, and I was like, okay, I'm I'm gonna ride with you, but I think we should go on the road because I don't have the strength or the patience to also go over rocks. Like I will climb this hill. Like a rail trail sounds perfect, yeah. And roads are good. And so with each kind of evolution, when I said, I mean, I often would joke when he stopped buying me bikes, I would start to worry. Like, because he used to build me bikes off of, you know, oh you oh she rode this twice. I'm gonna sell it and buy another frame on eBay and build her another one. But he was always there to say, if that's the thing you want to try, we will make sure you have a bike for it and I will ride with you. But but it wasn't him getting me on a bike, it was him being there when I was ready.

Alex 48:22

Yeah, it's kind of like flowers because when you and I decided that we were gonna take a cyclocross lesson, yes. I remember Jason hopped on eBay and he got found me a frame and he built me a bike. And I was like, I heard you had a mild bit of interest in this thing that I really like. Here's a bike, you know? So it's very sweet because he's really again saying, I'm so excited we might get to do this thing together.

Kristin 48:46

It's kind of like it's so cute. But we would do with the kids. Like the minute my child said I might be interested in this activity, I was like, here we go. Sure.

Alex 48:57

I've hired you an Olympic coach.

Kristin 49:00

Exactly. So yeah, I don't want to say they got us on bikes, but they have always been very encouraging.

Alex 49:08

If there was a glimmer of interest, yes, but I think, yeah, if there's a glimmer of interest in something that somebody wants to do with you that you really love doing, support the hell out of it.

Kristin 49:17

Yeah, and then when they see, like we have one of our our women riders, she is our she came into our ride five years ago, not really liking group rides, definitely had cried. It's um she came into our women's rides, she has become a stronger rider, she's our leader of all of our what I call the welcome group. That's awesome, you know. Um, and her husband on the regularly on the regular, I guess, whenever it comes up about say funding our rides, because we do get sponsored, um, he's very quick to say, my wife is a better, happier, more confident rider because of these rides. And they then now come out to these same trails and they ride them together without us. Which is like so it's just you know, that encouragement.

Alex 50:03

Yes, yeah, everything. Yeah, it's kind of I guess it's a little bit like you know, finding friends and finding community that can support you where you are. Yeah, exactly.

Kristin 50:13

It all matters. Fantastic. It does. All right. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you very much for bringing the show here. Oh yeah, seriously. So, um, okay, we're gonna take a break and I guess I'll bring Steve back. I can make room on the couch. Fine. Okay. I'm back. You're back. Welcome back. So I'm sure you heard that whole interview with Alex. Right. Right. Um, before we we wrap up the show, one of the things I thought we could talk about as you reflect back on my journey as a cyclist is maybe some of the things that you think you got right when it came to this, and maybe some of the lessons we learned along the way. Right? Like, let's talk about my equipment.

Steve 51:11

Well, yes, I have learned the lesson of not to mess with your equipment or take parts off of it, that's for sure. Right. Right, right. There's always the yeah, there was always the tinkering, oh, I could just take this. She won't need it till next week. And of course, uh, you know, the inevitably you like went for to look to ride your bike the next day. Right. Yeah.

Kristin 51:32

Yep. Yeah, right. As I became more of a solar rider when you realized that I was gonna be riding without you, so you couldn't necessarily get away with taking my stuff. We did also learn the important lesson of um you could no longer sell a bike without the bike being ready for replacement. Right? You sold Hillary.

Steve 51:55

That is true, I did, yes.

Kristin 51:56

Yes, then I was with s without my bike first.

Steve 52:00

Sometimes that was planned, like a planned selling that I should have thought ahead of, and sometimes it was spontaneous. I wasn't really quite planning on selling it right now, but the opportunity sun came up, and there it goes.

Kristin 52:14

You know what? You only did it once that I really remember it being a problem, and it was the black and blue Scott that I named Hillary. I don't remember if that was a planned sale or just a spontaneous sale, but I went weeks without a mountain bike, and I think I was getting into mountain biking.

Steve 52:32

Right.

Kristin 52:33

But other than that, I don't remember there being big jumps of like you really just sold a bike out from under me. Maybe that's it.

Steve 52:45

The gray one.

Kristin 52:46

But I agreed to that.

Steve 52:47

Yeah, that's true. You did agree.

Kristin 52:49

I didn't I don't think and I had a bike to ride. Yep. Right. I was riding my gravel bike and I was like, I can just ride that, and if I need a new road bike, so that was a little different because we were part of that. I was part of that. Or I guess not so much like wrong or right, but just things maybe in hindsight that we could have done differently that we look back at and we think, oh, that that would have changed.

Steve 53:13

Yeah, I think we I think we should have gotten you into other groups earlier on and riding with other women, yeah. Sort of finding your other people as well, instead of just relying on riding with me. Right? And I that would have, I think, enhanced both the experience for you and the skills and just uh and then made riding together a little better.

Kristin 53:39

Yeah, I I mean I I totally agree with you. I think the biggest change I would have made to the whole journey, and it just didn't I think it just goes to how young I was when I started, and we just didn't have the resources we have today. Like, you know, we didn't have Facebook, we didn't have websites with like clubs and stuff like that. Um but I probably rode a bike for 10 years before I really started to fly on my own, where Alex got into triathlon, so she was immediately into it in a different way. Um, I would say that's the biggest maybe missed opportunity I had, but in general, it's been great. But I think I think the big thing is recognizing that it wasn't about you getting me on a bike, it was about you encouraging me to ride a bike. Yeah. Right. Yeah. All right. Um, well, if anyone has questions or tips on how they're encouraging their wives to get on a bike, um, we are love to hear them, so they can definitely send them our way. And I think that is it for us for now. Okay. Right? Cycling together with Kristen and Steve is a production of Steve the Bike Guy, an independent bike shop in eastern Massachusetts, and Sundon Marketing, a full-service marketing communications agency.

Steve 54:56

If you like the show, please leave a review or share with a friend for show notes, links, or to leave a comment, question, or top suggestion, visit cycling together.bike.

Kristin 55:04

You can follow the shop and leave questions on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok at Steve the Bike Guy.

Steve 55:10

Okay, well, thanks for joining the ride, and we'll see you next time.

Kristin 55:13

Bye.