Out of the Blue - The Podcast: Finding the Way Forward
Out of the Blue-the Podcast features interviews with inspirational survivors of traumatic out of the blue events who have overcome unimaginable challenges, sharing their stories of resilience and triumph. By sharing these stories, "Out of the Blue" aims to create a community where others who have faced similar hardships can find solace and strength as together, we find the way forward.
Out of the Blue - The Podcast: Finding the Way Forward
A Shot at Second Chances with Brian Rizzo
When Brian Rizzo denied entry to an unstable man at a Portland strip club where he worked as a bouncer, he couldn't have known those seconds would forever divide his life into before and after. Moments later, that same man returned with a pistol and shot Brian in the head at point-blank range.
What followed defies medical explanation. Given less than a 1% chance of survival, Brian not only lived but emerged from a 31-day coma to begin a remarkable journey of recovery. The bullet had missed his brainstem by "the width of a hair," a margin so impossibly small it challenges our understanding of luck, fate, or divine intervention.
In this raw and powerful conversation, Brian takes us through his transformation from a man who once dealt drugs and steroids to someone who found profound purpose through faith. He describes the humbling reality of relearning basic functions, losing his independence, being denied disability benefits despite clear brain trauma, and eventually finding himself homeless and living in his truck during the pandemic.
Yet what resonates most is Brian's perspective on suffering. "God puts a mountain in front of everyone," he explains. "This is the mountain that was set in front of them. It's the one that He knows they can climb." He rejects the comparison of traumas, insisting that claiming "my mountain is harder than your mountain" helps no one. Instead, Brian now dedicates his life to inspiring others facing PTSD, traumatic brain injury, or depression—showing them they're not alone on their climb.
Whether you're struggling with your own seemingly impossible mountain or simply seeking perspective, Brian's extraordinary journey reminds us that sometimes our deepest purpose emerges from our darkest moments.
Follow Brian on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/brizzo995
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Welcome to Out of the Blue, the podcast where real people share the truth of what they've lived through, the kind of truth that doesn't always make the headlines but leaves a mark on the soul. I'm your host, vernon West, and my co-host for today's episode is my son, vernon West III, who, along with being our logo designer and writer of our theme song, is also a professional musician. Designer and writer of our theme song is also a professional musician. We want to thank especially you, our listeners, for joining us and giving us your precious time and attention, for we know just how valuable that is. And hey, don't forget to smash that like button and hit subscribe, because every little bit helps us keep getting these powerful stories out into the world. Today, we're honored to share the story of Brian Rizzo, a man from Portland, oregon, whose life changed in a single unimaginable moment. On January 11, 2014, while working as a bouncer at a strip club in southeast Portland, brian denied entry to a man who was clearly unstable. Moments later, that man returned with a nine millimeter pistol and shot Brian in the head.
Speaker 1:But this story isn't just about what happened to Brian. It's about what happened after. It's about survival against all odds. It's about trauma, faith, recovery and resilience. It's about waking up every day and still choosing to climb the mountain in front of you, even when the world says you shouldn't even be standing. From powerlifting as a teen to rebuilding his life post-trauma, from being denied disability benefits to living out of his truck while holding onto hope, brian's journey is raw, powerful and deeply human. Today, brian is an inspirational speaker and is currently working on his autobiography with Teresa Leroux, award-winning author of my Rock, my Hard Place. His faith is unshaken. His story isn't polished, but it is true and it is his. This is Brian Rizzo and this is his story, told from the heart, right here on Out of the Blue, the podcast. Hi, brian, and welcome to Out of the Blue, hello. So, anyway, the immortal question that I ask everybody when they come on what brings you to our podcast, brian? What brings you to Out of the Blue?
Speaker 2:Well, just here to kind of share my story, help other people who are suffering from the effects from any kind of PTSD or traumatic brain injury or anything like that. It's really hard right now to deal with it. Especially with the COVID lockdown made it harder for people to deal with the effects from any kind of traumatic experience. Like you said, I bounced at a strip club in southeast Portland and on January 11, 2014, I denied entry to a man because he was being disrespectful to people and lying in front of him coming into the club. He was a homeless drug addict and he was there to meet a dealer to get his fix for the night. So he went out to the car he lived in, put on a mask, grabbed a 9mm pistol, came back and opened the door and shot me in the head. He fired two other shots which ricocheted, hit a customer in the leg and a waitress in the arm I believe is how it went, and he went out into the parking lot and a man named John Bear, who was the other bouncer for the night, who was a little early for his shift, had an Oregon concealed carry license, shot the home span twice with a .45 ACP. I collapsed to the floor and I was laying there spasming and Jackie Winston, the bartender who was working that night she and I both started working at the club when it first opened came over and put her arms around me and I stopped shaking. She held me until the paramedics came. I was taken to Emanuel Hospital. I was very blessed that Dr Adler was on call for cases similar to mine and the medical staff that was working that night. My parents were contacted, my sister was contacted and Bill and Becca Spain, who at one time had been roommates of mine Bill had been head of security when I worked was working at the club and he's the one who taught me how to do the job and they all came to the hospital. At first they were told that I wasn't there because it's still an open police case. So they didn't want to get the information out because they had no idea what it caused the shooting, if it was gang related or anything like that. So the police didn't want the information to go out until they were able to communicate who they were and. And then they were taken to a side room and Dr Adler came in and told them that I had been shot in the head and I had less than a 1% chance to live, and so my journey
Speaker 2:began. I was put into a chemically induced coma, which is you're not actually asleep. The best way that I can, the best thing I can compare it to, is being like a blackout. Drunk is when you're kind of like between being awake and being asleep, but you're not really asleep to where you're resting. That's what it's kind of like when you're put into a chemically induced coma. I have a lot of dreams, uh, when I was in the coma, and every single one of them I couldn't stand up. I couldn't sit up or stand up, but I had been having things similar to seizures when I was in the coma. So they strapped me down to the bed because they had all these wires attached to me to monitor anything you could possibly think of. It's amazing the technology they have in hospitals. Everything they monitor is so
Speaker 2:unbelievable. 21 days into the coma, uh, dr adler decided to remove the bullet from my head because it hadn't exited. It stopped in the back of my head because the first thing is that lead poisoning was the first thing that he was worried about and the second thing was so they can do an MRI scan. So he took the bullet out with no complications or problems. I won't complain about it. I feel like he did a pretty good job of getting it out of my head, so he didn't cause any problems for a minute.
Speaker 1:Thank God for that doctor getting out of my head.
Speaker 2:So that's awesome. Any problems coming? Thank god for that doctor. Yeah, he was very great doctor. I mean he put so much effort. I mean he would check throughout the night how I was doing when, even when he wasn't at the hospital, he was like continually checking on me wow and when I say they monitor everything, man like it is unbelievable.
Speaker 2:The technology I mean this has been 2014. I don't even know what they have nowadays could even be better now, but the technology they had was unbelievable. Everything that they could monitor like couldn't even get into. It is so many things. That they monitor when you're, when you're in a coma, is unbelievable. When he took the bullet out, he's able to do the mri scan. Everything changed. The bullet had been a full metal jacket, not a hollow point. If it had been a hollow point there's, I would not have survived no hollow point split up right yeah, split up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in the smaller pieces like that there's no way to survive, since it's a full metal jacket. In a way it was kind of a blessing, yeah. Uh, the bullet did not go straight through my head. It moved in an arc around the left side of my head and it went slightly to the right side of the back of my head and it had missed my brainstem, which, if it had hit my whole brain, would be dead right and it missed it by the width of a hair, and I mean the width of a hair, man, for my is unbelievable that I survived it.
Speaker 2:I mean I I had less than just like a one percent chance to even live, so it's just unbelievable the width of a hair like that is like tiny.
Speaker 1:you know, I mean, I, I, I, I myself was on uh, in an induced coma for like 10 days and I can tell you this was in 2017, 18 or whatever, and uh yeah, I know that what you're saying about technology they monitor every single thing. It's amazing, it's really incredible. But, boy oh boy, you were in there for 21 days.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean when they took the bullet out and then 10 days after that so I was in a coma for 31 days is when I came out of the coma.
Speaker 1:Whoa.
Speaker 2:So I woke up laying strapped in a bed and had no idea where I was, and a nurse told me that I was at a manual hospital. I've been shot in the head, which is like the craziest thing to hear when you like, I guess, call it wake up when you come out of a coma.
Speaker 3:It's just unbelievable to hear then did you think she was joking or messing with you?
Speaker 2:uh, no, it was. My brain was still super swollen like I was definitely like not fully in it, so it was just a weird thing to hear when you, when you wake up, I'll say I could yeah, I don't even know where you are like this room you've never seen before, and be told that was just unbelievable you said, you had dreams when you were out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, every since one of the dreams, like I said, I was laying down somewhere, since somewhere and I couldn't get up. Uh, bill, who is my best friend, I mean, he's the one who truly taught me how to be a man and everything I needed to know, taught me how to do the job correctly and a lot more in life that I had personal issues that he helped me get past and things like that. He was the only person that that, like I recognize it was in one of the dreams that I had in the coma, but he came and saw me regularly when, when I was in the coma and everything like that. So he's that was the only. That's the dream that I remember vividly was the one that he was in, but he was there talking to me all the time when I was in a coma. It's interesting.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it's good to know that maybe some people around those in a coma can permeate that state and get through to them somehow. You know, it's funny because when I had the dreams under that state, I was in my dream. I was laying in what I thought was like a tube and I was piloting a spaceship. Was like a tube and I was piloting a spaceship, okay, and I had all these people around me that were like my crew members. I didn't see them, but they were buzzing around taking care of my needs and I knew they was. I even knew when they changed shifts. Weirdly, I had a new crew I just knew.
Speaker 1:And as I'm piloting the spaceship, in my dream I'm piloting into what would look like a spiral galaxy. I'm going into the middle to find the black hole. I guess I don't know what I was doing, but in that dream I suddenly thought, geez, this would make a great screenplay. I got to tell Vernon about it. This guy right here, my son, and the minute I thought that I was out of it, all of a sudden I was in my body in a lot of pain, like excruciating pain. I was coming out of it and I I'll.
Speaker 1:The dream after that was ridiculously weird. But um, all I'm saying is that Vernon did come to me in my dream. He was the one person that appeared to me. I thought, oh, I'm going to tell him about this Next thing. You know, I had to be awake. I wanted to be alive because I felt so peaceful. Going to that galaxy, it was definitely like maybe death calling you Don't go into the light. I didn't see the light, though I saw the spiral galaxy, but anyway, you were saying that, before this all happened, your life was entrenched in other things.
Speaker 2:Like you said, yeah, I mean my friend, Chris Thunder, who did local pro wrestling from the gym. He's the one who opened the club and he hired me at the gym. I was two weeks shy. I turned 22 was my first start bouncing. It was like man. You really start seeing like the reality of the world.
Speaker 2:I mean all different types of people and I don't know if it is anymore, but Oregon used to have the most strip clubs per capita in the world. I don't know if it still does after COVID lockdown, everything like that, but strip clubs are like more common than just bars and so you grow up in the area it's kind of like there was a strip club just down the street from the high school I went to. So like strip clubs were kind of like a normal thing. And in oregon, like so everybody's there, man, all different types of lives, but then gang members are in there dealing drugs and and, uh, you get sucked into it. So it's hard to leave it. When you, when you're making great with single man in his 20s making great money, majority in cash, I mean it's hard to. It's hard to leave that.
Speaker 3:Oh it's very addictive, very very much so yeah, the whole lifestyle, including the sex and drugs, very addictive. How are you as a student in school? Were you kind of like falling off with grades and it kind of led you into like certain crowds or no, I did like I didn't go to the high school I went to wasn't very great.
Speaker 2:Um, my friend, I went to rex putnam high school, which is in oak grove, which is an area just a little bit south of portland, but uh, oxycontin ran through my class like crazy. I buried a friend who overdosed on Oxycontin my junior year of high school.
Speaker 1:Whoa.
Speaker 2:And there's a lot of people that I hung out with that dropped out of school, that became addicted to Oxycontin. It was like just I mean just ran rampantly through the school.
Speaker 3:My high school stint Oxycontin was also really big and then like sort of ecstasy became kind of like the cool new thing.
Speaker 1:but yeah, oxycontin was a problem because it was people were getting it, yeah, yeah so then when you say, when this happened to you and you come tell us what happened, the at afterwards, now the Brian that gets out of this condition yeah.
Speaker 2:So I come out of the come out of the coma after 31 days and it's kind of a blur, like they were waking me up every 30 minutes to every hour, telling me what time was and what day was, just to make sure that I wasn't slipping back into the coma. So it's kind of like a blur of time trying to remember because you're like asleep and awake, and asleep and awake, like that, you're not really like like sleeping for a while. Then it's getting close to the time where, like I was done at the hospital, like everything was stabilizing and so they were going to send me for to rehabilitation. I had lost, uh, close to 100 pounds and I didn't have the ability to stand up because I've been in the cone for so long. And so there's a place called Rio, which is the Emmanuel Good Sand, which is a medical center that's close to the hospital that I was in. So I went to Rio and I started working out when I was 13 with a wrestling coach in junior high and, like I told you, I had a lot of friends who got I partied a ton in high school drinking. I didn't really do anything else. Then I had the front overdose and Oxycontin my junior year. So I got more serious about lifting, my goal being to go compete in the Metrix World's Strongest man. Because I grew up watching it, it was like my dream to go and do that. I got into powerlifting because I was told that's a good place to start when you get in.
Speaker 2:I've had all kinds of injuries. I've dislocated my shoulder before, I've separated my left hip and I've torn my bicep and I've come back from that. So I was looking at this. It's kind of like the same thing of like we've been coming back from an injury, obviously this being far worse than any other injury that I've had before. But uh, I get to rio and I tell my dad that I'm gonna, I'm going to be out of here in three weeks. My dad was like I don't know why, take a little bit longer. Like you just got to stay dedicated, keep going. I was like, no, I'll be out of here in three weeks. And I was there for three weeks and two days.
Speaker 2:I went from not being able. I was being. I went from not being able to go back to my life. As long as I just go back to the gym and get back in the shape I was in before. I'll be able to go and be the person I was before all this happened, but that's not even close to true. I'll never be that person again, but that's it's not god's plan for me to be that person anymore.
Speaker 2:I got to where it was the last of my time to be able to leave Rio and they told me that I wasn't medically cleared to be able to go back to the gym, which was kind of irritating to me because I really wanted to go back, but I actually still had.
Speaker 2:When I first went to the hospital, my skull had been fractured into a bunch of small pieces where the bullet had entered. So they removed all the pieces of my skull and then any portion of my brain that was dead, because if you don't remove dead brain tissue, it actually spreads to the entire brain. So to keep the brain from dying, they had to remove all the dead brain tissue. So there's actually a huge hole in my skull at this time still, because my brain was still swollen. They had to wait for the swelling to go down to a certain amount before they could put a plastic piece in it. So they didn't want me to go back to the gym because I had a hole in my skull which was still kind of irritating because I wanted to go back, but understandable.
Speaker 2:Understandable Well sort of I guess maybe.
Speaker 1:Hindsight In hindsight, understand well sort of.
Speaker 2:I guess maybe hindsight in hindsight, that's a tough one, that's a tough one, yeah I, uh, I wasn't considered mentally able to take care of myself, uh, so my parents took responsibility and I was gonna have to go live with them again, which, uh, I moved out of my parents house when, when I was 19. And I liked, enjoyed not living with them than I did living with them. So, but it is what it is. I mean, I had nowhere else that I could go, and they're often willing to offer caretaking, which I needed, because there's a lot of different things Swollen in my brain was starting to go down.
Speaker 2:I had to go back and see Dr Adler, who was the who kept me alive, and he's the one who put a huge amount of effort to take care of me when I was in a coma, and the head of the team of doctors that took the bullet out of my head. He'll say that it was me, that he didn't do anything, that it's all me, but I don't know. He put a huge amount of effort to keep me alive, man, seriously.
Speaker 1:I hear you, but I don't doubt the fact that he's telling the solid truth, that it was you. A lot of it is you, because I know from my own experience too, doctors would tell me that all the time they would see two people with identical situations the one who made it versus the one who didn't. Had something in themselves that they really had that power to really desire to survive, and and even maybe the connections you know. If I don't know, what do you think helped you get through that? What do you think you had? Why do you think you had the will to survive? What do you think did it?
Speaker 2:I have no idea, man. Uh, I I'm not gonna get into massive details. A lot of issues from childhood I'm not going to get into massive details. A lot of issues from childhood that I'm not going to get into. Depression was something I fought badly for a long time. There were nights where I sat in bed with a pistol in my hand thinking about my own life because I hated myself so badly before all this happened. So I really don't know, because then someone else ended up shooting me in the head. I didn't give up, so I don't know.
Speaker 1:Well, how ironic. That is right, yeah, I mean, you know, it's like god saying, well, this is what would have happened, you know, if you had done that, but at least I took you, took it out of your god, took it out of your hands and made it so that you know whatever that thing is called suicide. You didn't participate, but it was a, it was a demonstration kind of to you. But I find, like that, there's something about these things that happened out of the blue, that happened to us out of the blue. I feel like there's a certain good intention that comes out of it.
Speaker 1:I don't know if it's, I don't know if I would ascribe to my higher power God, whoever the act of somebody shooting me or hurting me or even getting cancer. But I do think the benevolence comes from how we are able to handle it. Like, for some reason, you don't get. I've heard it said you don't get more than you can handle and that sort of sucks. When you think about the things we're forced to handle, I mean they're really pretty rough things. I mean that's what you went through. Oh, my goodness, that's rough, but you handled it and it brought out of you. There's something that's bringing out of you.
Speaker 2:That, I think, is the upshot of it all, I think about paul, because paul was basically going after christians. I mean, he wanted to use killing christians until he had his moment with with where he finds jesus. And then paul goes from someone who's killing christians to the I mean basically the top person to spread the, the presence of jesus that's in other countries.
Speaker 1:Great analogy, great comparison.
Speaker 3:That's so right on yeah I believe he like suffered pretty intensely too at the beginning of his journey, right like he was blind or something. There was, yeah, an intense burden he had to carry in in like transitioning into that lifestyle he was blind.
Speaker 2:he was blind until he talked to one of the disciples I don't remember which one of the disciples it was and that's when he got his sight back and that's when he started his life of spreading the word.
Speaker 1:That's an intense comparison, though it's really amazing that you found that comparison too. That says something.
Speaker 2:So I go to see Dr Adler so they can scan my head, so they can make the plastic piece to put in, and I go in. They scan my head. It was really nice. I just laid down and there was this like half circle and like the scanner ran over the half circle and then I was done Like I thought it was gonna be like a long time thing, but it was probably like less than a couple seconds before they had my head fully scanned to make the piece, which was nice because I thought I was gonna was gonna be laying there for a while to get it all done oh man, the hospital trauma yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 2:So I go into the office to see Dr Adler and Dr Adler to ask me how I was doing. I was like I'm doing okay, dr Adler, but I just I want to go to the gym. Dr Adler was like that's fine, you can go to the gym. Just be smart with what you do. Take it easy and you're. Obviously I'm gonna have to take a break after I get the plastic piece put in, but he cleared me that day to go back to jimmy when I still had a hole in my head and everything which I was so happy
Speaker 2:yeah jim I was going to, which is not open anymore because it got hit by during the covid lockdown. The gym had been open in a smaller building in oregon city in the mid 80s by billy jack haynes, who at that time had been like one of the top wrestlers and back when it was wwf pro wrestling used to be such a huge thing and in oregon a long time ago. And then the gym had changed owners, uh, to the nelson family in the late 80s and they moved into a bigger building in the early 90s in oregon city, which is the, the gym, the building that I worked out at. But it had been like the top gym to train out for powerlifting, like I trained with adrian larson, who one time had been the second best bencher in the world at 220. He benched 585 at 220 and competition.
Speaker 2:I trained, I've trained with some of the best powerlifters at that gym because it was set up for powerlifting 585, yeah, 220 at 220. Man, that's like the, the, I don't know. Adrian larson has his own life story. Adrian larson was born with both his hips dislocated so his legs didn't fully develop, so he benches without his feet on the ground like he's basically laying flat on the bench and hit 585 like. You can find the video of him on youtube doing it, man, because you can see him doing it. It is unbelievable to work out with that man.
Speaker 3:He's definitely like the king of benching the way that he was able to do it do you think that this had maybe an influence on like your like desire to like overcome a physical ailment, to continue to lift?
Speaker 2:I think that's a huge inspiration story because, as I said, I've had other injuries I've had to come back from. I think it's one of those things when there's like the people who I say we're all meatheads, it's like you're like a true meathead then. Like the gym is everything, no matter what you like, even plan your day out so you can make sure you get meals at the right meal time, make sure you can get to bed at the right time, get supplements in at the right time, like you plan your entire life about it, just for the next day to go to the gym, which a lot of people don't understand. But there are those who are like the true diehard meatheads, really understand what it is to where it's. Your entire life is the next day in the gym. You get like a community going and you inspire each other.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not just guys either. There's a lot of I've met a lot of women who are the same way super dedicated doing it. Same same way super dedicated doing it same thing, where they plan their whole life around the same thing.
Speaker 1:The timeline you're telling us, so full-file. Now you've got the plastic piece measured and the doctor says you can go to the gym.
Speaker 2:So my dad, I go back to go home. My dad drove me out to the gym and I was able to walk halfway. Decent then, without the walker, I was definitely very slow. Like I said, I had lost. I had lost close to a hundred pounds, uh, when I was in a coma. But when I was able to start eating again, I put some weight back on, but I was nowhere near like. I was still very small compared to what I was to the weight floor.
Speaker 2:So go down to the ramp. I grabbed 30 pound dumbbells to lay down with them, to bench them, and it was like a massive struggle to bench them, but I honestly did not care because I was so happy to be back in the gym and, as I keep saying, like, I've had multiple injuries, so I know where it is to come back from an injury. So at least now I have a starting point like here's my starting point and then I'll be able to like set goals, to keep moving forward and my head thinking I'll be able to do what, what I used to do, but I can't do what I used to do. But that was at that time. That's what I thought I was gonna be able to do to get back to, to the person I was before, before all this happened.
Speaker 2:There's so many people at the gym that there were super supportive of me that I'd known Like I started working out with you when I was 18 and I'm 26 at this time that's how old I was when I got shot. So people I've known for so long been super supportive of me and they were super supportive of me and recovering from this and it was it was that that definitely helped a ton of of not having people talk shit to you the whole time that you're in there. Having people be supportive of you is definitely very helpful. Oh, you're doing it.
Speaker 3:That'd be crazy if they talked shit. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I have had people that on this journey, no matter what you go through, if you, if you have any kind of traumatic experience, you're going to have people that will talk shit to you for it, and I have had that on this journey for sure. But it's when you start kind of seeing who the true friends are, who the people that are, and this is what you're going to find and as you're going along.
Speaker 1:When did major changes like your thinking as far as who you are, brian?
Speaker 2:Well, everything kind of stabilized. They got the plastic piece back in my head. I had a seizure when I was living with my parents, so that was another thing where they had to get me on medication. I had to learn the different things to do to keep chances of a seizure when I was living with my parents, so that was another thing where they had to get me on medication. I had to learn the different things to do to keep chances of a seizure down. As time went on, I had to see less and less doctors. I'm very blessed that workers' comp paid for everything, because it was a work injury and they never questioned anything. As soon as the doctor told them they paid for it, no matter what. I never had an issue with workers comp. I know there are people have had issues with it, but my injury being slightly abnormal compared to other injuries, I'm sure that they've had workers comp.
Speaker 2:But uh, it gets to a point where your your case with workers comp ends and uh, normally you just go see one doctor and they kind of find out, like well, your handicap percentages. I had to go see four different doctors, different specialists. There's one that I had to go see where I did eight hours of brain tests to find out where my brain damage or my brain was damaged. And the part of my brain that is damaged is on the left side and is the part of the brain that's in charge of remembering names. The same part on the right side is in charge of remembering details. You can see something, you can say what it is, but what the name of it is on the left side. It's like it's not as bad as it used to be.
Speaker 2:I can don't struggle to remember names as badly as I used to, but when I was my brain was still swollen. I was going through Rio. They'd show me flashcards and it'd be like a picture of a pig and I'm sitting there staring at it. I couldn't even I couldn't tell you what it was called. I could tell you what it is A farm we eat. It tastes pretty good. I couldn't remember what it was called. So it's just different things and in my experience of of recurring from this, it kind of starts feeling like your brain rewires where it's not working the same as it did before, but it's working. Yeah, like I said, I'm struggling to remember names as much as I used to, but sometimes it can be a struggle. All depends on how tired I am too. If I don't get enough sleep and that kind of thing, then it becomes more of a struggle to to be able to remember names.
Speaker 2:So I'd gone long enough without a seizure where I got my driver's license back and, uh, doctors signed all the paperwork saying that I was now mentally able to make my own horrible life decisions. Like everyone else, I, I bought a mobile home in Oregon City and got away from living with my parents and I was living. I had a dog, so me and the dog were living there, and that's kind of when I started depression being a big thing having to come to terms with who I was and different people who say that they love me but the way they treated me when I was recovering from it. And there's still things that I have to scars from this whole incident that I still have a problem with. And so I was sitting there trying to figure out why I was still alive, like, what am I? Why am I alive? Like I used to be able to take care of myself, and now I have to ask help from people for things I could have done, as I said, by myself before.
Speaker 2:And then, as I was just talking to God and building a relationship with him, the whole idea of just sharing my story came to me, and that's when I got into to trying to find or find places to go speak at and share what I've been through. I've had, uh, two people want to make a documentary about me. Both of them approached me to do it and then they dropped out. Uh, and then I've had people who said they'd be agents for me to help me find places to speak dropped out of doing that, so I haven't do it for myself. And then, as you said, I was denied I've been denied, handicapped Social Security four times, with no chance of getting in, which was very irritating. I was all set up to go and start speaking in a lot of different places and the very next week is when COVID lockdown started.
Speaker 2:Oh boy, and a lot of support groups are still not meeting because of the COVID lockdown, because they do most stuff online, which is really not very beneficial because security. I had a judge rule in my favor on my third application for it and the federal government filed an appeal against it and then the judge changed the ruling and that's when I was denied. That was the third time I was denied and then my attorney applied for the fourth time and I was immediately denied without chance of court. So that was the last time that I applied for it. So here I had no money because the jobs that I was supposed to go do were covered. Lockdown hit it. Uh, we're kind of past the time where I mean you have to pay, start paying around again, because even I mean the covid lockdown kind of let up but it still wasn't opening up jobs for everybody. So I got evicted. My dog and I uh I found a new gym to go train at. They allowed me to live in my truck in the parking lot there uh, while, excuse me, still find find places to go speak and make something out.
Speaker 2:What I've been through and it became uh, when you have, as you said, like a mountain set in front of you. There are going to be times where it's an easy walk and there's gonna be times where it's a fight to gain ground and there are gonna be times where you lose the ground that you fought for. And for me it was a reminder that when you start building a relationship with God, there are going to be all kinds of trials are gonna be set in front of you that other people aren't going to have Because they have not given themselves to the lord. Then they're not going to have anything to test them because they're exactly where the devil wants them to be. So you have to have an understanding that when you start building a relationship with god, it does not mean the life is going to be easier.
Speaker 2:It's just having to understand that you're not alone on it and the good times are going to be better than anything that you can imagine, because God's plan for you is far greater than any goals or visions that you can have, which is what I still believe, because it's still I'm still not at the point where it's an easy walk and in the sunshine. It is still a time fighting up the mountain, but I do feel God is with me on this, on this climb. And a very, very uh a friend that I've known since I was 19 or 20 found out that I was homeless and his wife had competed as a figure fitness competitor. And a friend of hers, uh, theresa larue, who you mentioned have been a female bodybuilder and wrote the book my rock, my heart place, survivor, domestic violence is the one starting to write the book about me, and just the vision of light and the darkness is what I feel like is coming on this journey that's been set in front of me.
Speaker 1:I really love that. Brian, that's the thing I was. You know, as you were talking, I was thinking is this kind of what you would say at one of an inspirational speaking? Is this kind of what you're say in one of an inspirational speaking? Is this kind of what you're talking about? This is your message, right? What would you boil your message down to if you had to boil it down?
Speaker 2:God is with you, no matter who you are. No matter who you are, if you just look at the disciples, they were not the best people until Jesus chose them to be. They were not like the high class citizens I mean, they were kind of low class fishermen who drank and gambled and probably cussed and they weren't like the the high. But he chose them to to be the followers, and you have to understand that it doesn't really matter what you did beforehand because, like I said, I mean I was.
Speaker 2:I was one of the people who was a regular at the club, was the top coke dealer in portland. Like even people would come to him to get coke, would cut it to deal. I mean he was dealing a huge amount of coke there and I was helping traffic, uh, oxycontin and bike it in. When people got prescriptions they'd come and sell it there and and I myself was I ended up taking over steroids. The person that was dealing steroids got fired from the job and so I took over for him and I was dealing steroids for a living and I was taking violence upon people and hatred and angry all the time and and so I was not like the best person and truly just a dentist and God still decided my life was worth something.
Speaker 2:And there are so many people that are struggling and it's kind of changing now with the way society is. But for quite a few years it's kind of made, like Christianity, out to be this horrible thing where people are talked down to for having a faith in it. But I may not have as much money as I used to have and I may not have the best of lives, but I have a lot more happiness now, when I started building a relationship with God. I'm far happier than I was before.
Speaker 1:I love it. I love it. You know, I just spoke to somebody yesterday said almost the same thing he said after this event had happened to him and his was obviously not the same, but he said he felt like he had a second chance. That was the biggest thing that hit him him personally that you get a second chance to do it. Who gets that? No one gets a second chance.
Speaker 1:So, like when you got that second chance and then you establish a relationship with god, I mean, yeah, I do. I do think that at that point, there you now are having, you're opening the door to real, true joy. You know, you can expect, you know the drugs and the booze and the and the and the, everything else that goes with that scene. Yeah, yeah, that brings you certain pleasure but it doesn't bring joy. But you're now capable of experiencing joy, like that's what I see. Hear you now talking.
Speaker 1:I thought that the other day, when I first met you, I thought I looked in your face and I said you know he's feeling happiness and joy in his life and I could see it in your eyes. I honestly could, and that's something you can't fake, you know you. So when you carry this message to people in your inspirational talks. I mean, that's pretty much what I think I'm getting out of your inspirational thought talk that I'm getting right now here at this point in our interview. I feel like you're bringing that feeling of really happiness that you were able to get another chance and your life is now building on these new footings of a relationship with your higher power, god, the Lord.
Speaker 1:Well, out of the blue I don't mean to say it's a, it's just we're not preaching with out of the blue, but you can't help but notice there's something good out there in that out of the blue stuff and everybody that's experienced these things can tell you right away that they get that second chance and then they then something, that this thing happens where they they're. Have you felt your appreciation level be high? Are you more appreciative of things?
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. Yeah you find that right.
Speaker 1:And do you have every once in a while, literally explosions of gratitude in your heart when you start thinking of little things sometimes?
Speaker 2:throughout the day, throughout the day, thank god for even the smallest things. It's it's so amazing, the uh. When you first start this journey and you try and find god, you start finding god everywhere, because he is everywhere. Everything was created by him. You look around everything. You just go outside and look at all these trees and plants in the sky and even see, like this, the animals running around. And god created all this and in one moment, god decided to create you like there's a reason for you being alive. Listen to a pastor called pastor alan nolan, who has a lot of videos on his youtube channel, but he broke down the book of genesis, which was very interesting to to learn about the book of genesis. Like I learned so much about the book of Genesis that I that I didn't even know about.
Speaker 1:There's two stories of creation. Yeah, there's two distinct stories.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then when he gets and talks about Abraham too is another one where it's crazy what Abraham went through.
Speaker 2:And then yeah, there's a lot of crazy things in the book of Genesis I didn't know about, but you learn so much and you kind of start seeing that people aren't perfect. That's the thing. Even like Abraham, who was like he's not just worshiped by Christians, he is by the Jewish and by Muslims to worship Abraham, but he did a lot of it. He wasn't perfect the whole time. So I have an understanding that God doesn't expect you to be perfect, and they didn't have any. When Jesus died for our sins, it changed everything. I mean, he's the one who brought forgiveness for us for the choices that we made, Because I don't. I mean, I don't do. I'm not involved in everything I used to be involved in, but I still do stupid stuff all the time. I'm not involved in everything I used to be involved in, but I still do stupid stuff all the time.
Speaker 1:I'm not that smart, so I'm very blessed to find forgiveness for it. I hear you, I'm right with you on that, you know, when you were talking. It made me think of something I saw on Groucho Marx you Bet your Life. I watch it late at night sometimes when I want to go to sleep and I put on Groucho Marx you Bet your Life. The other night I heard this guy from 1952. And this guy's on there, one of the guests, and Groucho's questioning him saying how old are you? He goes I am 98. He's 98. He's tall and good-looking. Strapping man Doesn't look 98. Maybe's 98. He's tall and good-looking. Strapping man Doesn't look 98. He maybe looks 60.
Speaker 1:And Groucho's saying well, tell me about your life. He tells him he starts as a paper boy. He works until he becomes works on the printing press until he ends up owning the newspaper and then he comes out to California, he's buying real estate and he makes $1,000 a day or something like that. And Groucho's very impressed. He says well, what do you attribute this to your life and the success? And he says I have a plaque that I read every day in my office, in front of my desk. It says God and I are partners in this business. God is honor, and I am steward.
Speaker 1:I got chills really. I thought that was a great thing. That's how he was able to achieve, he says, this wonderful life. I mean, that really is something to think about. I remember when my kids were going to Sunday school there was a statement that made me think of. When you said God is everywhere, we used to tell the kids there's not a spot where God is not. You know, really, think about it. Right, that's backed up by the Bible and everything and every religion.
Speaker 3:Really, I mean God is infinite Bit of a double negative there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a little hard to understand when you're a kid, you are, but it is true though. I mean it's just saying God is everywhere. I mean out of the blue is everywhere. That's what I, in a backhand, sort of a backdoor sideway, trying to get people to think about, that, you know, to think about. Where do we come from? Where does it all come from? What does it all mean? I mean there's so much stuff, that pretty much.
Speaker 1:What do we have control over? Brian, right, you learn that we have so little control over really anything. But what we do have control of is how we feel about it, what we think, what we choose to do with it. And I think you know when hearing the way you're now using this experience to share your hope, share how you found your guiding light, so to speak, that is now helping your life move forward in ways that you never would have imagined. When this broadcast gets out out, we're going to promote it a lot, you know, and and I think that it will help even me if you can reach one I look at it like that if we can reach that one person with a feeling of hope, it's worth every bit of struggle, every bit of work it took to get there, and again, if you look, if you look in the bible, this it's not just abraham.
Speaker 2:That wasn't perfect. Maybe moses was just supposed to tap the rock for water, but he smashes into it, which leads to the Jews having what was it? 40 years of wandering before they get to the promised land. And then you have David, who was allowed, I mean when he was given the courage and ability to stand against Goliath. But even David wasn't perfect because he sent his friend to die so that he could take his friend's wife.
Speaker 2:I mean you have, you have these characters in the bible that are truly like, uh, human, yeah, they're saints, they're, they're worshiped as, as members of, uh, uh, worshipers of god and things like that. But the only perfect one was jesus. He was the only one that was perfect. I mean he's the one who did not have hatred and he didn't bring revenge upon anybody. I mean, he didn't do anything wrong. He's the one who truly walked the path that you're supposed to walk.
Speaker 2:And so you look at it and you have to understand that you don't have to be perfect. Jesus died for our sins, that we would have the chance to get to heaven, and understand that you're not going to be perfect that when you're climbing the mountain whatever the mountain was that was set in front of you you're probably going to do horrible things on it. You're going to make mistakes, which is human. But I understand that, if you accept Jesus as your savior, that your entrance into heaven is guaranteed. But you do.
Speaker 2:It is a two-way street where you do have to put effort into being a better person. Do it is a two-way street where you do have to put effort into being a better person. You can't just do whatever you want and then just beg for forgiveness and think that you're going to make it. Some people think that you can do that. I don't believe that. I believe that you have to make at least the majority of your choices positive, the majority of things you do in your life positive, and maybe help a person. A chance that you can get, even if it's just small things like holding the door, just a small thing in my mind ends up meaning that you're following the teachings of jesus more than someone who thinks that they just continually ask for forgiveness, that they're going to get farther there's a, there's a strength in doing these things for nobody but you and your relation with your, like, higher power.
Speaker 3:You know, and if you, you, you leave with the reward of that, nobody else I mean, obviously, maybe the person you benefited but there's a, there's a real, like personal relationship with, like, uh, doing good for others. That it can't be, it can't be in vain, you know, it has to be genuine can't be in vain.
Speaker 1:That's really the thing right there. A lot of vanity in the world today, you know there's a lot of everybody's a narcissist, everybody's, you know, building their own brand on their phone. I mean it's funny how that is now, you know they say that. I mean the numbers are saying that loneliness is increasing. Like 33 or something, 34% of the people in the world are lonely and that's because of social media. I mean you have all these Facebook friends or the Instagram followers, but they're not your friends. I mean, come on, they're not really there for you, they're remote. You know the interpersonal relationship in your actual life that counts a lot.
Speaker 2:You know who you couldn't count as humans I think one of the biggest thing that has caused the issue, caused the issue people have depression or loneliness is that our society has moved away from like western ideologies, uh, where again, where the church was the place everyone met and the church is what provided everyone the things to do we also had.
Speaker 2:I mean, farming was like the biggest thing. You just look at older generations. I just think about my great grandmother, who was like one of the nicest people I ever met in my entire life. She passed away years ago but I mean they had the Great Depression they had to make it through and it was just people were just way different than them, but you and it was just people were just way different than, but you had the churches and just your relationship with god being the biggest things, even just 100 years ago, 200 years ago, where christianity was a lot larger and so as people in the church sort of move society forward, a better living environments for society, which is what's being kind of moved away from where it's it's mocked and criticized for for being christian yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1:you know, I don't think anybody should criticize anybody's choice of religion. I don't think we can go backwards, so we have to go forward. So what we have to do is find a way to bring people together on the same ideals that the church brought people together with. What it really is is people come together and they take care of each other. The church was known for taking care of each other and a lot of churches still do that to this day. I mean, there are churches that if you know you come up short for your mortgage, they'll help you, you know, and they'll feed you if you're hungry, you know.
Speaker 3:It sounds like the gym sorry, the gym that you were part of, the guy who let you sleep in the parking lot. This was a form of communion, like a form of like, maybe like an intro into like a group of people that you can spiritually commune with, that are all working toward the same goal. That's like a healthy goal and it's supportive. That feels like a form of church. It does, you know, just just in different clothes. You know we find you, you found church in a different sort of flavor, but then you kind of get to the heart of the meat and potatoes of your faith and where that comes from.
Speaker 3:But but a community, I feel like, is maybe the most important aspect of that. And, like you said, society is fracturing, like we are not together anymore. So even just meeting once a week, seeing these same people catching up with them in person, connecting that to me is something I deeply miss as someone who kind of rebelled against going to church as a kid. Like I miss that ritual and that like checking in and that sort of like spiritual inspiration that you give each other. It's funny you can find that in many places, yeah.
Speaker 1:So, now that you're doing your inspirational speaking and writing the book, essentially what would you say you're trying to do with that?
Speaker 2:uh, as I said at the the beginning of the episode, really just help uh other people with with ptsd, traumatic brain injury and depression or any other effects they have from their traumatic experience. Because it's just, it's such a hard thing to live with, especially when you have, when you have uh people talking down to you for whatever you're going through. Maybe you're having a moment where the weight of everything you've been through has hit you and you're starting to break down and instead of giving you just a hug to help you out, they yell at you for having that kind of reaction. What you've been through, it's things like that that have been on my journey of having to deal with it. So have an understanding of, of knowing that you're not alone in it, because I know there are other people that have been through, as I said, some kind of traumatic experience or kind of weight that they're carrying, that feel alone because they don't know or understand. Others have been through something similar.
Speaker 2:The thing I will. I've talked to people who have had traumatic experiences. I will not say that I've been through worse. I can't stand people when people do that. I'm not going to say that what I went through was worse because it's as I said. God puts a mountain in front of everyone. This is the mountain that was set in front of them. It's the one that he knows that they can climb. But to sit here and say that my mountain is harder than your mountain, it's not going to be helpful, because they can climb their mountain, but they're having hard times with it and they just need uh support and doing it. So there's no such thing as saying that you've been through worse. It's how you understand a person is struggling on whatever their journey is wow, I love it.
Speaker 1:Let's use that as our last. That's the way to end this podcast. That's the final word. Brian, you have a powerful story. You have a powerful story. I can't imagine you not being able to help people with it. I'm so grateful that you're out there doing that and really, really thank you. We're very grateful for you sharing your time with us today, brian. So this is just the beginning of your relationship with Out of the Blue. You're in the family now, brian, and you know what that means.
Speaker 2:I appreciate the opportunity to share my story. I do appreciate it.
Speaker 1:You're very welcome, really so grateful for you doing that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man seriously Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm really grateful for this time we spent together and I hope people out there also enjoyed it with us and inspired as well, and if you're that one person out there who's, this is specifically for you. I hope you got it because we're here for you too. Thank you so much, brian, for sharing your time today. Thank you, vernon. I'm Vernon West for Out of the Blue, the podcast saying thank you very much for joining us on Out of the Blue, the podcast saying thank you very much for joining us on Out of the Blue, the podcast with Brian Rizzo. Out of the Blue, the podcast, hosted by me, vernon West, co-hosted by Vernon West III, edited by Joe Gallo Music and logo by Vernon West III. Have an Out of the Blue story of your own you'd like to share? Reach us at info at outoftheblue-thepodcastorg. Subscribe to Out of the Blue on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you get your podcasts, and on our website, outoftheblue-thepodcastorg. You can also check us out on Patreon for exclusive content.