Out of the Blue - The Podcast: Finding the Way Forward
Out of the Blue-the Podcast features interviews with inspirational survivors of traumatic out of the blue events who have overcome unimaginable challenges, sharing their stories of resilience and triumph. By sharing these stories, "Out of the Blue" aims to create a community where others who have faced similar hardships can find solace and strength as together, we find the way forward.
Out of the Blue - The Podcast: Finding the Way Forward
Healing Grandparent Alienation Through Surrogate Bonds with Donna Skora
On the day her grandson was born, Donna Skora received a single text message that would end all contact and bring years of quiet grief. From that rupture, Donna created Surrogate Grandparents USA, a nationwide community where elders and families build trusted, intergenerational bonds.
We unpack the human cost of grandparent alienation, why silence teaches the wrong lessons to kids, and how control, fear, and cultural trends toward isolation fuel a growing estrangement crisis. Donna shares why one-sided therapy narratives can harden divides and what real repair looks like when conversations stall. Then we pivot to solutions – you’ll hear exactly how Surrogate Grandparents USA works: clear guidelines, safety practices, background checks, slow trust building, and a welcoming private community that supports long-term, healthy connections.
Two powerful success stories bring the model to life: a 140-mile bond sustained by steady visits, holidays, and everyday texts; and a nine-year family journey that wove babysitting, sleepovers, and celebrations into the fabric of daily life. Along the way, we explore broader inclusion – parents who want more nearby support, grandparents with room for more love, and young adults who have aged out of foster care searching for stable, caring adults. The takeaway is hopeful: when biology breaks down, community can still carry love forward.
Surrogate Grandparents - USA:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/SurrogateGrandparentsNorthAmerica
https://www.instagram.com/surrogate_gp_usa
Out Of The Blue:
For more: outoftheblue-thepodcast.org
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Welcome to Out of the Blue the Podcast, where real people share extraordinary stories of resilience, transformation, and the power of connection. I'm your host, Vernon West, joined today by my daughter and co-host, Jackie West, our social media and marketing manager, a talented singer-songwriter, and Reiki Peeler. Today's conversation shines a light on a quiet heartbreak that far too many families experience. Grandparent alienation. It's a form of emotional and generational loss that cuts deeply on both sides. Grandparents who long to hold a child they love, and grandchildren who grow up missing the warmth, wisdom, and unconditional love of those who came before them. Our guest today, Donna Supitilov Skora, knows this pain personally. She and her husband have never been allowed to meet their 11-year-old grandson. He doesn't even know they exist. And sadly, they are not alone. Nearly 70 million Americans are estranged from family. It's a silent epidemic, one that affects hearts across generations. But out of that deep pain, Donna found purpose. She turned heartbreak into hope by founding surrogate grandparents USA, a beautiful organization that helps bridge the gap, connecting surrogate grandparents with children who need that special kind of love and guidance in their lives. Her advocacy has reached national attention, including a feature on CBS Mornings, and her message is one of healing, awareness, and reconnection. This episode is about love that endures, even through absence, and the hope that through understanding, fewer children will grow up without the love of a grandparent. Let's dive in. Good afternoon, Donna, and welcome to Out of the Blue the Podcast.
SPEAKER_02:Good afternoon. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00:We're so happy to have you, Donna.
SPEAKER_02:It's a it's a uh very happy to be here.
SPEAKER_00:It's an incredibly serious and needed um topic to cover and and spread the word early. And um, so why don't we start where we usually start, which is that the what started, what was the out of the blue event that really kicked this off, really started your whole in the whole journey?
SPEAKER_02:Well, to tell you the truth, um, it was a conglomeration of things. Uh, we became alienated. Uh, the day that our grandson was born, uh, we received a text saying that we've lost a son, a grandson, and a nephew, meaning that he also it meant his sister uh being the aunt. And uh that was the last. There was the silence was deafening. Um, there was no getting through to them, um, kept reaching out, kept apologizing. This happened because we couldn't make it to the baby's birth 90 miles away. Uh, we were gonna go the following week after they got home, but evidently it wasn't good enough.
SPEAKER_00:But that's really the resentment that started it was incredible.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I'm sure there was something even before that. Um, his wife, my daughter-in-law, uh, did the same thing to a previous son from a first marriage. He was alienated and estranged from his grandmother and his father's um extended family for at least 10 years. So this is just what they do.
SPEAKER_00:What what do you think it is? Uh when you say they do, what do you mean by that?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I I you know, well, I guess our son married a woman, uh, that's our daughter-in-law. Uh, usually it's the spouse that creates the problems uh with the adult children who are estranging themselves. Granted, there are times where they may have legitimate reasons, but for the most part, uh the spouses are in control and uh they they're doing it for control.
SPEAKER_00:It's a control issue, then, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It is a control issue, definitely. And uh they feel that they're very important. Uh, this is their way of having the attention they desire. Uh, I think there's also narcissism involved, maybe not with all of them, but it is a control issue, a narcissistic issue. Uh, they use the children as pawns and weapons against loved ones. They they they make demands, they want to get their way, and if the parents or the grandparents don't adhere to what they demand, uh they get shunned, they get shut out of their lives.
SPEAKER_00:What what good could possibly come from that? I mean, you can't understand it.
SPEAKER_02:It's there's no good. Um, I have reached out, I belong to a couple of support groups, grandparent support groups. I reached out to a number of these people in a in a post saying, um, if there was one probable um major thing that you would want to get across to the world about what you are all suffering, what might that be? And I got about 11 or 12 points. So I took these 11 or 12 points and turned them over to Chat GPT, and I said, what is the main reason or the main statement that you get out of all these? Uh and it's amazing what it came back as. I'd love to read it if you'd let me.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, please do. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's I found it very interesting. Does it resonate with you? Uh yes, it does. Um, it says here the most common and overreaching point made across all of the statements is family estrangement, especially when grandchildren are kept from grandparents, causes deep emotional pain, destroys family bonds, and harms not only adults, but also the children involved. Um and it lifts a whole bunch of things, but it says in essence, the biggest collective message is that estrangement is a form of invisible family trauma that causes lasting emotional damage to everyone involved, especially when love, connection, and truth are replaced by silence and alienation. These children, these grandchildren are learning, are not learning how to get along how to get along with family, how to interact, how to have that ongoing connection. Um the parents feel that they're doing something right by just silencing, you know, they don't want a relationship. I don't know if they can handle relationships. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I just within relationships, you learn that when you when there's rupture, you can you can figure out how to repair. You can work it out, you can try to repair it.
SPEAKER_02:Um, when they cut the grandparents out of their lives, it becomes total silence, no answers, uh, not even an offer of why it was done. And and then silence can last for years. Some parents don't even get to reconcile with their child up through death. It happens, it happens a lot. So here we are, the age that we're at, and I'm looking at well, will our son ever want to reconcile with us?
SPEAKER_00:It's hard to understand why he would be so upset because you couldn't make a 90-mile trip.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, a 90-mile trip, you know, and you've got pets to take care of, then um, how do I make it back in time to take care of the pets?
SPEAKER_00:I can't just go away for hours knowing how long it takes to Yeah, you have to make arrangements, you have to, you know, and a birth happens kind of like unplanned. It's sort of out of the you know, it's sort of you know when basically, but not exactly.
SPEAKER_02:He was induced, and when you induced labor, I went through it with our son, it can take any number of hours. That's right.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also yeah, I mean, that's that's definitely a huge expectation, which I would un understand, you know, if that was something that they were saying, this is this is it. Like, like we really need this, like, or it's gonna be so painful, too painful to talk to you again, even like I mean, of course, like putting things in kind of like a threatening way isn't is not healthy, but you know, I mean, I could imagine them saying, This is so important to me. Can you set up like for the next five days to be here? Like, we'll help you pay for this care for your animals or something, you know what I mean? Like some prep.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I you know, I mean, it would have been good, but I mean, it the the the power of communication is like it went away. There was they didn't want to communicate. And the thing is, when I looked at what was going on from before when she had her first son, and uh, I became friends with her ex-husband and her her ex-mother-in-law. And when I got a feel for what they had experienced with that son being estranged for 10 years, um the the husband when when her and her husband divorced, uh they were married and divorced twice. And when they got divorced the second time, she cut off the relationship of her son from the grandmother and extended family. And like I said, that lasted a decade. The father was allowed to visit with the child, but only in the family home. He couldn't take the child anywhere, even though he did complete all the paperwork for necessary co-parenting. There were no orders telling him that he had to have supervised visitations, these were just strictly her rules. So the only way he could see that child would be to go and visit the house and and be supervised. Oh boy, even though, yeah, even though that wasn't legal, wounded person, of course it was illegal.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it sounds like what yeah, would you say Jackie?
SPEAKER_01:Sounds like a it sounds like she's a severely wounded person.
SPEAKER_02:I have no idea what she was severely wounded for. I I just don't know. I I have no idea. She um we got along beautifully with everybody, things were going well. She became pregnant with our grandson, and everything just went downhill, and it was like from that side.
SPEAKER_00:Um, did it stop while she was pregnant?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yeah, it happened while she was yeah. I could we they were just there was a distance happening, uh little passive aggressive behaviors, some not so nice comments. So we gave her space, we gave them space, and then when she was going to be induced, which was a few months later, we got notified that she was being induced the next night or the next afternoon. Um, in fact, the text message said, This is your last chance.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my goodness, that sounds exactly like Jackie said, sort of a threat.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, everything became everything becomes a threat. So I can only imagine what she's been putting our son through. Oh no, yeah, yeah. Um, and ours is not the only story like this. I mean, I can't tell you how many people I have come across with very similar stories, just that's what that's what's mind-blowing.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, the fact that you have how many million a million so good grandparents?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's like 70 million. In fact, I think the number has even increased.
SPEAKER_00:70 million.
SPEAKER_01:How are you able to get to talk to others that that are in this situation?
SPEAKER_02:Um, there are estrangement groups. Uh, there's uh support for alienated grandparents, there's support for um parents who have lost their adult children to estrangement. Um, I find it just totally amazing that the norm now is becoming where people don't want to have that relationship with their extended family. And I I don't get it. Has it been trending more? I think it has. Uh, you know what I'm finding out uh because I'm also uh hearing what these people, these grandparents are saying the adult children go for counseling, thinking that they had some trauma going on in their minds. Maybe they did have trauma, even though it was not trauma, but to them it was. And they tell these psychologists their side of the story. Well, these psychologists are only learning one side of the story, not both sides. So then they're recommending that these adult children cut off relationships with those family members. Oh my goodness, and that's what's happening.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, that is insane.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, how can how can a psychologist um recommend somebody walking away from their family when they're only hearing one side?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, I I I don't know. I mean, I'm sure, oh my gosh, therapists and psychologists, like they're just as vastly different and and and flawed as humans are, of course. Absolutely. In any profession, right? Um, and I also know that certain people who want to hear things certain ways will get, like, let's say the psychologist doesn't say that, the person might choose to hear them saying that. Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So they're validated in themselves, but the psychologist didn't actually say that. Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02:Like, yeah, I mean, it's possible. We're only going by what the adult children, if they are relaying this information, what they're stating. Um, but they don't want to try and fix the relationship, they would much rather just walk away from it and totally pretend it never existed. You can't do that. That's really, really difficult. I mean, if there's toxic stuff going on among family members, by all means, you either deal with it or or you separate. But 70 million grandparents are not all toxic.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, no kidding.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right. Oh, and and I even I even think like everyone has a potential to be toxic, you know, like also like we all do have toxic traits, but like, how are we ever gonna be able to work through them and without self-reflection in the midst of others? You know, we need others. Yep.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's that's what families are for, actually, aren't they? Yeah, uh, for turning to each other during times of need through through the bad times. So who do you turn to if you have walked away from your entire family?
SPEAKER_00:It's weird, it's weird. It's like a trending thing, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, I I would I I was in a therapy session today where we talked about family. Um and I think that we were talking about how family is like people like just plop together. Like you are related, but you are also very different than each other. And you wouldn't necessarily have uh chosen chosen them in a room to be best friends with, but that is also what's great about it because you get to learn and accept differences and um become your own person and be but also be together. Um but sometimes you know, like you are in a family group that is it is it's it's so hard to learn about healthy communication styles. It's it's difficult. Maybe you just don't uh know what to do. And you kind of leave.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, there's this there's I don't think there's any perfect family as far as No, there's dysfunction in every single family. That's what I was gonna say. Dysfunction is not something I think is a part of what life is for. I mean, you have your family, you have your relationship in your family, and I feel like that's all those things that put it. I I believe in the fact that um uh like I love why we're doing out of the blue. I think people learn from things that are uh random, supposedly. And that I don't know if they're random. To me, they're there for a reason. They're in your life for lessons to be learned for your soul. And I think that you know, if you you're born in the family and uh some of them you don't get along with, I mean, it's to learn a lesson. It's it's maybe there's something about that you have to learn to overcome, to bridge, to and make you make your soul kind of grow from it. So that's what they're denying themselves.
SPEAKER_02:And their grand and their children.
SPEAKER_00:The children are innocent, they don't even know that's how totally innocent.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that the children have no idea what's going on, and I think what really bothers me the most about this is there are grandparents who have been pushed out of their grandchildren's lives and brought back in and pushed out again numerous times. That that is where it becomes abuse. If you decide not to talk to somebody, that's not being abusive. But if you have them in your life, push them out, take them back, push them out, that's abuse.
SPEAKER_00:Kind of is, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I mean emotional abuse.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Now we've covered, you know, there's no laws saying grandpa grandparents have rights, which is a shame.
SPEAKER_02:No, uh, some states have some laws, but you have to be able to prove to the court that it's detrimental not to be in the child's life. Well, in our case, we've never met our grandchild. How do I prove to the courts it's detrimental to his life? Not so, yeah. I mean, if if you were really, I mean, there are grandparents who take care of the grandchildren, help raise them. Then these spouses, you know, they get married to somebody else, and then suddenly they separate from the family and they take these kids away. And here the grandparents are left stranded, going, Well, I had these children in my life, I helped you, I did stuff for you, and now I can't see them.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_02:For how many years I have really kept silent about what we experienced. The time for silence has got to go away. I need to be a voice, I need to become a face to help people understand what's what's going on with this.
SPEAKER_00:So that's yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Definitely, I had no idea this was this big and this common. I think it's so important for people to know that this is that many people deal with this.
SPEAKER_02:Many grandparents it's worldwide, but the United States has the highest percentage out of all other countries of estrangement.
SPEAKER_00:What is that percentage? Would you know?
SPEAKER_02:Um, I did hear it was 27%. Now I heard that it's gone up to maybe 38%.
SPEAKER_00:Wow. Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, so it is it's growing. Um, and and I knew back.
SPEAKER_00:when that it was an um it was going to be an impossibility for me to try and reach our son it just uh no matter how many times or I even called her left messages after messages begging for forgiveness what can we do total silence and it was deafening well I forgive you for not driving 90 miles thank you you've you've done you I see what you're doing though is very very inspiring because you're taking well an out of the blue event that you did not expect and your response to it is to be proactive yeah and to do something positive for others may be suffering from this as well and apparently how many million 70 you say over 70 million now 70 million others are having the same issue and yeah in the United States this is crazy I I can't understand that I mean is it a product of the the modern age of internet isolation uh or something I think it's it's it's a it's a conglomeration of so many different things social media tv radio music um I don't want to blame music I feel like blaming music hurts because I love music and I'm a musician and so is Jackie. But we always think of music as something to bring people together. I mean that's what it's about.
SPEAKER_01:And it does yeah no maybe maybe also like just how many things we can distract ourselves with to the point where we we're so impressionable because how are we cultivating our own personality? I mean if if we're so distracted and we're filling ourselves with so much you know outside of us.
SPEAKER_00:And you're going after the certain content that's obviously making you feel fine about the estrangement like I don't need to feel that feeling because I'm able to go on my phone and scroll and then the phone's going to put everything there that they know you like. So you live in a sort of bubble where everything's good. Yeah but you know years are going by and the pain scars are forming deep scars.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah yeah uh in fact what these what these adult parent children both parents are doing now they're teaching their children to do the same thing that they're doing so they're at risk yeah of those children as adults estranging themselves from those parents you know I've heard it in my own personal life I've heard of this happening and it it's it's always seems like um they're not aware and like the guy or the girl whoever it's that leaves the connection with their parents and their family is really just focused on making that relationship work so much so that they they lose any really necessity to have a family.
SPEAKER_00:They're just so codependent. They're so fixated of this person not stopping the way they feel for them. You know they I they want to control it. You know they want to it's like the it's they need they're really codependence is what it is. And it's and in a narcissistic situation codependency must be a an easy fix for the person when they're in it, you know when you're married with a to a narcissistic person. I don't know if we can do anything about those people at this point. I mean we can pray for them we can um hopefully some who are listening to this podcast will see that they're wasting all this love they could be getting for silly reasons that have nothing to do with actual reality because you cannot you know you I you can't cut off from relationships that are put in your life for to to do good with you and expect that to turn out well.
SPEAKER_01:I mean to me it seems a little bit obscured in the thinking department just a touch you know and also just how powerful your love is enough to like make a huge um situation out of it. Like like all of the all of the people you've gathered together the awareness that you're spreading like that is a such a massive amount of love that will reach your grandchildren it just will and and there's nothing that she can do about that. Like you can't stop love.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah someday those kids are going to hear about this.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah I will be out there I mean I'm on social media now if you look back at the the like history of my group all the little all the different links you can bring up I've been in we've been in existence since January 2015 and so many people have been happy with the group a lot of people have found their success stories found their surrogate families and they reached out to publications and submitted articles that they've written about themselves.
SPEAKER_00:So that's get to that and of the joy of how that began and tell me some tell me some success stories.
SPEAKER_02:I'd love to hear some okay well um what happened was when I first got the idea of the group um it was like right after the estrangement happened um I wanted to do something I felt I I just needed to have something to do um I didn't like floating aimlessly so um I started searching the internet and uh looking for things and I did find a group called surrogate grandparents for the UK and at the same time I also volunteered to cuddle babies in the NECU at our local women's and children hospital did that for a number of months one night a week um and I would I I have to relate a story I used to talk to the babies that I was cuddling about their guardian angels who were watching over them and I can't tell you how many times when I would be talking to these babies cuddling them and during their whole traumatic whatever they were going through with the withdrawals they would actually open their eyes and smile like they saw something. How could I question that? How beautiful oh my goodness so beautiful I'm like crying it really brought light a lot of light to a very dark time for me. It was a wonderful thing to do uh it was an amazing thing to do to watch these little souls go through drug addiction withdrawals knowing the medicines they were on to get over the withdrawals and then have to be taken off the medicines to get rid of that withdrawal before they could even join their family or whatever had to be done. So um if anybody ever wants to look into cuddling babies I highly recommend it. Wow this it's still things people do right that's I do believe um we moved away from the area so and I don't think there's anything in this area that I can do I'm I'm in an area with a lot of retirees there's not many babies being born a lot of babies being born I get that yeah there are but not many um so I was doing that and then I decided after being in the UK group that and there was nothing in the United States that I could find that that had that was similar to the surrogate grandparent group there was one uh one group on the internet but they became so lawyered up that they finally had to disband the whole thing because too many lawyers were getting involved too many contracts too much liability um because they were trying to cover the entire country um I worked for attorneys for many many years so um I talked to some about this and I put together a liability waiver and as I was creating the group saying I can do what the surrogate grandparent group is doing I can do something for the USA and that's what I started and a little bit of trial and error but it has continued to grow I started out with maybe 30 members June of 2015. I mean I'm now up to almost 1400 members nationwide some worldwide that's amazing and those members now how does people how do people get in touch and find out if they want one okay well we we we do have documents that provide guidelines in the group so when they join the group they receive a welcome post and in this welcome post we have a what's called a um um an important link document which gives everybody in the group all the links necessary to navigate the group page so we have links for every state in the United States we have links for each of our lists one for grandparents seeking connections one for parents seeking you know family seeking connections um and all sorts of links that to help them get you know get you you know get on this this track of joining the group and participating and finding somebody um I can't help them find anybody because of liability issues I can't introduce anybody to anybody because of liability issues so how do they find them how do they get to ones they well the list of grandparents seeking connections and the list of family seeking connections are listed on the list per state city county region where they live um so if you're a grandparent interested in a family in your area you go to the list of grant of families seeking connections and you look in the state you live and the area where you live or whatever area they live in one of the you don't want to take a plane you need to know so then you can reach out to the people by finding their their profile on the page through the members send them a message going you know I'm messaging you for a potential connection to see if you know if we can make it work and at the same time they also should post something on the group page tagging that person saying I've sent you a message for a possible connection please check your messages and if they need help tagging someone we can help because that way the person will receive notification that there's a message for them.
SPEAKER_01:Right and it'll and also there's there's a public kind of like it's it's good that it's public that everyone can see that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah it it it's it's a private group meaning that anybody not in the group can't see what's going on in the group but it is public to everybody in the group. So what how what are the um requirements to become a part of that group well there's really no requirements as I mean you just have to be a nice human being I can't guarantee you're talking about the group of people that are offering their services right oh well I mean it's not really requirements it's basically you're looking for somebody that you can connect with that you maybe have you you you think alike kind of you have things in common uh you get to know them and don't do it like don't rush into it because it's a time you know when you're making a friend it's a time consuming effort.
SPEAKER_00:It takes effort too it does take effort.
SPEAKER_02:So you're becoming friends with these people I mean I don't think anybody should expect to meet with the children of the parents that they're meeting with right away. Let it take time get to know each other even meet if you can without the children. Find out about each other um it is suggested that background checks are are done there there's ways of getting background checks in the state you live it's very reasonably easy and it's not real expensive um but you know use your gut instincts use your smarts and if something doesn't feel right with the connection you're making don't carry it through yeah I definitely know um friends in New York City that have a child and they're always saying oh it would be so nice if any either of our parents lived nearby so even though they're still in contact with their parents would they be allowed on this connection site absolutely um yeah I mean even I mean we do have grandparents on there that do have their grandchildren lives and they have extra room for more grandchildren that are need that need it. Yeah so all sorts of different connections are being made it's not only grandparents and grandchildren now it's it's it's surrogate aunts surrogate siblings um it's turned into a phenomenal community of people just connecting with each other and seeing if something works and even if it's a long distance relationship it has worked for for people.
SPEAKER_00:It reminds me of the big brother organization kind of it's it sort of does because it was like something if you had a son or a daughter and and you and you went they would get you a big brother and that big brother would come and take them to a ball game play catch with them or something.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And it was something that was highly encouraged in the where I grew up for a lot of children. I knew people that got a big brother I mean um I thought I I think I was kind of jealous. I thought it was sounded good yeah this extra brother coming by but I didn't look into it and notice that they really needed that because maybe they don't have have I had plenty of uncles maybe too many uncles but um I no I love my uncles no question about it. But um this is in this day and age though family is so important.
SPEAKER_02:I think we we need to have these families stronger and anything that weakens the family I think is an anathema to um right the world's there's a lot of fractured families out there um enough there is enough of those already right right and we also have opened up to people who have aged out of the um foster care system. Oh I see um a lot of these people when they age out of the foster care they're just young adults and they're just set out in the world like okay good luck to you. Oh my goodness right actually yeah I mean there are resources that kind of help these people but I did an interview once for uh the podcast the aging out of community and we did we have gotten some people who have aged out of the foster care looking for connections.
SPEAKER_00:Let's make sure that people hear that if you're listening and you're an aging out foster child. I knew if you I grew up in a foster home in my neighborhood I I knew all the guys and girls there and boy oh boy I I I wonder I want some of them might even be listening to this podcast.
SPEAKER_01:I mean seriously all my best to to them um I'm just thinking what what amazing courage and sense of self to have at such a young age.
SPEAKER_00:I mean even yeah I I I mean I grew up in my in my family's house with my with my parents there until 18 you know and even further than that occasionally living there so so just thinking like at 15 or 18 when I don't know when when foster children leave house I believe when it's when they turn 18 that that's when they've aged out okay so just thinking okay like where's my family from here that that's along along with college and you know just making it in life like having to also find that that a place where family could exist that's a that's a that's an amazing task that's a big task for a child still one of one of the most one of the things I really really love about this surrogate parents thing is it takes the the meaning of family it doesn't have to be blood related it's about care it's about selflessness you know it's about giving and support and being there for someone I mean why does it have to go by the only the blood so so the blood people are are are messed up and they're going through stuff and they don't want to have it well you know there's another solution there are other people out there that are willing to give and love and support they are you know they are oh I find there's never been a manual written for this so it's been a trial and error. Well that's like life there's no manual for life either you know yeah no manual raising kids either oh no they they don't give you one when the when the baby comes out of the um birthday chamber I was there for all my children no manual popped out after that it was just it was just now you're on your own and boy oh boy it's a learning experience and it's a wonderful experience and I don't think it's I would trade that those moments for for anything in my world in my life there they were my family means nothing more than the world to me and uh uh I I I I so love what you're doing I think family is a name is a word like you know like church it's church is church a structure can you only worship your your higher power in that particular building but it's anywhere you want it to be it's where you're lost standing that can be church so what's the difference family can be where you find it and if you can find it at the surrogate grandparents oh my god what a miracle what a blessing so tell me some any you have any success stories we we're getting near the end and I want to I can I want to leave our audience with a really big warm heart from how wonderful this is I can share a couple of success stories with you that would be so given I've been given permission to do this because we've left out their last names and I'm not sharing any pictures I mean it's it's a private thing but uh the first one I'm gonna talk to you about uh let's see Kristen and Josh and Kristen and Josh live in Troop a small town near Tyler Texas with three children uh Cambry 17 Caisley 13 and Cash 9 they're a busy close knit family whose kids are involved in all kinds of sports and activities they also have an older son in college who's married Deborah and Lloyd my husband Lloyd and I live in Huntsville Texas about 140 miles south of Kristen Josh and their family roughly a two and a half hour drive thankfully the route is scenic and rarely congested.
SPEAKER_02:For perspective it can take us two hours to reach the far end of Houston a far less pleasant and much more stressful drive Lloyd has a demanding career as a bank executive while I work for free at home as I like to say that with a laugh. How it began Kristen joined surrogate grandparents in 2018 six years before we met in August 2024. So I had joined in 2019 so we were both long-term members her kids had grown up a lot during that time from being young children to teenagers but she still felt that adding a grandfriend a term she used and I loved would enrich all of their lives neither of us was seeking a long distance connection in fact in my introduction post in August 2024 on the surrogate grandparent site I mentioned that I hoped to find a family within about an hour's drive so we could spend frequent in-person time together. Lloyd and I had recently moved to Huntsville Kristen happened to see my post sent me a private message saying you all sound perfect sure wish we were closer so we could connect that simple message sparked something. We began texting two strangers getting to know one another sharing about our lives our hopes our disappointments and the family gaps we both felt soon after we decided to meet halfway at a Denny's in Palestine Texas. We spent three hours talking openly and deeply, and by the time we hugged goodbye, we both felt an unmistakable connection and excitement about what could grow from there. Building the bond. Fast forward 14 months, and what a wonderful journey it's been. We meet as often as possible, sometimes every six weeks or so, sometimes more often. We've shared kids' sporting events, Halloween trick-or-treating, Christmas lights at Lone Star Lights Park, visits to the Tyler Zoo and Huntsville State Park, shopping trips, mini golf, arcades, and numerous other activities, along with many shared meals filled with easy-flowing conversation and laughter. This past summer I was delighted to spend a week of one-on-one time with Cash. It was an absolute joy. Our family bond continues continues to grow stronger with each visit. We stay in touch, get togethers with texts, photos, and updates about daily life, staying connected in the most important ways that matter. Our surrogate grandparent connection feels strong and enduring. We're both so grateful that we took the chance to reach beyond our original expectations and ignore the distance barrier. What we built is truly unique, a relationship that has bloomed with love, smiles, and shared purpose. If either of us had clung to our original ideal of finding someone close by, we would have missed out on this beautiful opportunity that has brought so much happiness and bonus family into both our lives. We were simply two women, a generation apart in age and 140 miles apart in distance, willing to create space for something new and meaningful to enter our worlds. That openness and a bit of courage sparked a relationship that has become a special blessing, one that we envision lasting forever. People often have no control over the family voids that appear in their lives, but being open to outside-the-box solutions can be like turning on a light in a dim room. A heartfelt thank to you, Donna, and surrogate grandparents USA for being such an incredible resource, a guiding light of those of us who need it most. You have truly been a lighthouse for hearts looking for a home.
SPEAKER_00:That's beautiful. For hearts looking for a home.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So you know what else is there to do with life? I don't know what to do. You want to hear another one? One more time. Yeah. Okay, one more.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. Kathy and Greg slash Dennis and Karis. I, Kathy, joined the group in June 2016 and spent the first couple months getting a feel for our for the community and reviewing the list of people seeking grandparents. At the time, I was expecting three new granddaughters within a month, which would bring my total to seven beautiful granddaughters. Even before joining, I had been looking for a way to be a mom or grandma figure, someone who needed that kind of relationship. Around that same time, I came across Denny, a mom who had also joined the group in June 2016. It wasn't until August 6th that I reached out to her. She responded a few days later and we began chatting through Messenger. At first, I worried I might be coming on too strong, but with patience and time we got to know each other and formed a genuine connection. After about three months, we met in person for the first time, November 2016, at our local shopping malls play center. The visit went wonderfully, and just a few weeks later, on December 4th, I was invited to Denny's home to spend one-on-one time with Karis. What a little love she was. Our youngest daughter and her four children have fully embraced Denny Denny and Karis as part of the family. We've shared many holidays together, and the girls are always included in birthday party sleepovers at Nana and Pops and other specialty events. Our eldest daughter, however, has chosen not to participate in the nine years since Denny and Karis became part of our lives. She, her husband, and their children have never met them and have no plans to make, no plans to, but we make it work. Denny and Karas celebrated their first Christmas with my husband and me along with our youngest daughter and her family in December 2016. We began 2017 with regular visits, and in February, I got to babysit Karis for the first time at her house, just for a few hours, but it went beautifully. Each year since has brought something new as life always does, but we remain close and continue to spend quality time together whenever we can.
SPEAKER_00:Well, wow, wow, what beautiful. I loved what jumped out at me, Miss Mike, chosen family. That's something very beautiful. I mean, yeah, choosing your family. I mean, wow, wow.
SPEAKER_02:I can't I can't tell you every time I hear a success story post it on the page, what it does to my heart.
SPEAKER_00:I can imagine. I can only I can only I can imagine, but that's it. I'm I I I that you have to do it to feel it. So if you are out there listening and you need a surrogate parent or a grandparent, and you or you're a person who's a surrogate parent want to be a surrogate parent, you just gotta reach out to surrogate parents parents, uh grandparents US. And there'll be a link at the end of this podcast. So let's leave it at that. And Donna, can you just say one thing to say goodbye to everybody? What would you say is just leave people with?
SPEAKER_02:Uh just love each other, be kind to each other. Um, it doesn't take that much.
SPEAKER_00:Um you know that's beautiful. That's enough to write.
SPEAKER_02:That's what we need.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you so much, Donna, for joining us today on Out of the Blue. It has been an inspiration, powerful one.
SPEAKER_02:And um thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00:You're very, very, very welcome.
SPEAKER_02:And I deeply appreciate this. Thank you again.
SPEAKER_00:Jackie, thank you, Jackie, as well.
SPEAKER_02:And um thank you, Jackie.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. And you know, we're a kind of family too. So you are in you're in the out of the blue family.
SPEAKER_02:So I'm glad. I feel very welcome.
SPEAKER_00:It's you are welcome, believe me. We're proud to have you. And anyway, thank you so much for listening to Out of the Blue. Please like and follow and spread this unbelievably positive word out there to help as many people as we can with this kind of this kind of stuff.
unknown:Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:And you can follow the Facebook group if if this is something that resonates with you. Um, apply to follow.
SPEAKER_02:Is that um well you if they want to, they can request to join, answer a couple of quick questions. They don't have to participate. There's no there's no rules. They can participate when they feel comfortable. They may just want to be in the group to to watch what goes on in the group because it's all connections, there's no drama, there's no negativity, it's all positive stuff. And it's called surrogate grandparents USA. Yes, surrogate grandparents USA.
SPEAKER_00:Once again, love you guys out there for listening and love you, Donna. We're gonna be you're in the family. Welcome to the family, and um thank you. Glad to have you.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00:You're very welcome. Have a wonderful day. You too. And you, everybody out there, thanks for listening. Out of the blue, the podcast. Hosted by me, Vernon West. Co-hosted by Jacqueline West, edited by Joe Gallo. Music and logo by Vernon West III. Have an out of the blue story of your own you'd like to share? Reach us at info at out of the blue hyphen the podcast.org. Subscribe to Out of the Blue on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast. And on our website, out of the blue hyphen the podcast.org. You can also check us out on Patreon for exclusive content.