Elevating Each of the Four Sons (Pesach Haggadah)

In this episode on the Pesach Haggadah we are going to discuss the arbah banim, the four sons or four children. It's easy to categorize the children in this way: the wise one, the evil on, the simpleton, and the one who cannot ask. But what is really going on with these  children? If we read their questions and answers closely, what are they struggling with on a deeper level? How can we understand them, empathize with them, and respond to them in a meaningful way to elevate their avodas Hashem? And perhaps even do the same for our own inner child? We'll get into all that and more in this episode! 

If you want to follow along in the text, it is Nesiovs Shalom Chelek Bet page reish nun gimmel (253). You can find a pdf of the piece here.

Thank you so much to the generous sponsors of these episodes on the Haggadah: 

Anonymously in honor of a refuah sheleimah for Binyamin Baer ben Channah and a shidduch for Yakira bas Aviva. 

Anonymously in the zechus of Emunah Sara bas Binyamin Shmuel, and to Rav Charnoff for giving over amazing Torah and helping people stay connected to Hashem. 

Thank you so much to our sponsors! If you would like to sponsor an episode of the podcast, please email Rabbi Charnoff at rabbicharnoff@gmail.com.

Transcript

Rabbi Charnoff: 0:08

Hello everyone. This is Rabbi Robbie Chernoff, and you are listening to the Hasidist for Life podcast, the podcast where we learn a deep Hasidic insight every single week and explore how it can lead us to a more meaningful, vibrant, and spiritually uplifted life. This week we have not won but two episodes on the haha. In this episode, we are going to discuss the aba, the four sons or four children, the ham, the Russia, the tam, and the, it's easy to categorize people in this way as the wise one, the evil one, the simpleton, and the one who cannot ask. What is really going on with these four children? If we closely read their questions and our answers to them, what are they really struggling with? how can we understand them, empathize with them, and respond to them in a meaningful way to enhance their a. Perhaps do the same with our own inner children. This is a fantastic take on the Four Sons and we'll get into all that and much more in this episode. If you wanna follow along inside, you can open up the to page Reish nun, and the piece on PE entitled Rah. Or simply go to the show notes for a link to A PDF. But feel free to just sit back, listen and enjoy the ride. Most people do These episodes on the hagada are sponsored by the following anonymously in honor of a Fuma for Bin Ben and Ash for Yakira. Aviva, and Anonymously in and tour Ofoff for giving over amazing Torah and helping people stay connected to Hashem thank you so much to our sponsors. With it being er Pesach, these episodes literally would not have been produced without your support. Remember, your sponsorships are what make this podcast happen. If you would like to sponsor an episode of the podcast, please email rabbi chernoff@gmail.com or see the show notes for more details. Alright, with that, let's jump into the navo Shalom on the Hagada. We are, we are on page Reish, the piece Torah says The ha blessed is he give the Torah. according to the four sons, is the Torah speaking, the Hule, et cetera. This concept of this introduction, this concept that when it opens up and talks about the four children, the four sons, that four times, it says four times. Is about the fact that the Torah is talking about these four children, meaning nu meaning this next section is going to bring in a VO to each one of the four types of children. It's very cool what he just did there. he's saying that it says ku, we're blessing a Q Bku. Why do we bless the Q Bku four times as we lead into the four types of children? because the author of the HAHA is coming to tell us. These are four types of, is giving all four types of individuals in how to serve regardless of who you are, whatever type you are, these are four ways that we can, based on what we're about to say in that no matter what situation you are spiritually, no matter where you're holding in your life. You can because you are a child of says, you are my firstborn child. He calls us his children. which child are we? Depends. Some of us are the, some of us are the Russia, some of us are the tom, some of us are, we're all different types of children, but we're all children. And if we're all children, each one of us has a, that we can get from this as to how to serve a beautiful, whether we're in the situation that we're, the, the Russia, we could be the Russia top of the next page, the et cetera. No matter what we are called a child. And therefore there's an answer to their questions, And many other pieces. He emphasizes the fact, why does a qba call us his child? there are different ways in which our relationship to a Q Bku is described. we often talk about our relationship with the Q Bku. Like a relationship between a husband and a wife. And there's a lot of depth and beauty to that, But at the end of the day, a husband and wife can get divorced. The relationship can end. again. It's a beautiful relationship. That's why on Pesa we read, she hashiri. To talk about the love story between us Bku, that's an element of even what's happening during Pesa. but Bku DACA goes out of his way to emphasize that we are also his children. Because one of the aspects that's unique about a parent-child relationship is it's a relationship that can never be broken. A parent can be angry with a child. A parent can be furious with a child. A child can be furious with a parent. The child can walk out and say, I'm never coming home again. The parent can throw the kid outta the house, but even if they do, you can't ever break that genetic bond. It's in your DNA. Your parents will always be your parents. You will always be their child. So what Kku, before he takes us outta Raum says, you are my child. Emphasizing there is going to be at a totally different layer of relationship, this deep, passionate, intense, loving relationship like a husband and a wife. We'll get to that. Don't worry. We'll talk about that also. That's Sheam. That's great, but there's a whole nother level. The relationship of parent and child that can never be broken. And I must emphasize that to you. No matter what you do, you will always be connected to me and I'll always be connected to you. But there are different types of children. So this, part of the hagada is saying, all of you are my children. And at different times in your life, you might fall into different categories. Sometimes you might be a child that's a, sometimes you might be a Russia, sometimes you might be a Tom, sometimes you might be a, you can be one of the four types. You're always a child and therefore you can always come back. And How do you get, if you're having a tough time when you're in that space, let me tell you, welcome to the section of Arban. So let's see what he has to say. Next paragraph. The question of the, of the wise child. He says, what are these different laws that you have? And the answer that is given is, that you don't eat anything after you have the last taste of the PE in your mouth. You're not allowed to eat anything after the end of the meal. We can explain this based on what the says to explain the question of the ham. What are these laws. he says is a language of S which is a language of connection, clinging. He reframes the question in a beautiful way that what Ham is really asking is how is it possible that the sad merits that they're able to, through these different laws to get so close to. And I'm keeping all of them. I'm, I'm keeping all of them. He's reframing the question based on the word Ava, that if VO is bringing out a language of connectivity, how is it that the are so close to a q bjo by doing the mitzvahs and me, I'm doing all the mitzvahs and I don't feel close to a Kish, burl. We all have once in a life like that, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm learning Torah, I'm doing mitzvah every day, day in day out, day in day. We can have those times where we're, and we feel distant answer that the PE was eaten DA when we were full. If you eat when you're full, you're not eating to satiate yourself, meaning you eat the Pesach when you're already full. That means that you're eating completely as a mitzvah. You're not doing it because you're desperate for the taste. You're not doing it because you're starving. You haven't eaten in days. That's not why you're eating. You're eating because you wanna do the mitzvah. If you wanna clinging to a Q, this is the deeper layer of the response according to this opinion. Ari, you wanna know how to feel close to a Q? Work on not focusing on getting pleasure from the physical world, Ari Sha m, to make sure that the taste of the mitzvahs in your mouth without letting it get messed up by any physical desire. And the only way to glean to a QBO who truly is, if you're not getting pleasure from this world, how is he reframing it? again, just to clarify the question, the answer, because he's, not reading the res the question and the response simply, but he is reading it beautifully. He's saying. The question, the ham is, how is it that Ian feel close to a Q Barko when they do mitzvah? And I don't feel close to a Q mitzva. That's how he's reframing the question. And what's the response? What's the answer to the question? He says, no, no, no. You have to eat the pesa all the way at the end of the meal and nod at anything afterwards. What's the meaning of that? If you're eating the Pesach at the end of the meal, why are you eating the Pesach? You are already full. The only reason that you're eating, the only reason that you're engaging in physicality is because it's a mitzvah. I'm taking all of the personal physical desire out of the mitzvah, and that has to be the last taste in my mouth. Why can't I eat anything after that? Because what is the taste that's left in my mouth when I do that? It's not the taste of the food. It's not the taste of feeling satiated. It's the taste of the mitzvah. It's the taste of doing the mitzvah for the mitzvah's sake. And so it's emphasizing that if somebody who is engaged in Torah is engaged in avo, if a person wants to feel closer and closer to a Q bku, the way to do that is, is to try to remove The personal, physical, instant gratification from within the mitzvah and transform it to singularly focus it on the mitzvah of doing it. For our k that I come down to, to eat the Shavez Milan Chavez, everybody does this. I every time I've ever seen him take a bite of a food on the Shabbas meal, before he takes a bite, he says The covered shabb kish. It's beautiful food. It's delicious food. His wife just made it. it's tremendous. But he stops before he eats the say K, I'm eating it. Why not for the taste. I'm eating it for the covet of Chavez. If I go and do anything that's physical in nature, a mitzvah that's physical in nature, I say, no. Why am I doing it, Kara? I'm doing it for you. I'm focusing on you, not on myself, not on the physicality. By removing over time, layers and layers of selfishness and revealing layers and layers of selflessness, a core of selflessness of doing it for a q, the more close I will feel to him, even as the, when I have a difficulty as, and I feel distant, that's the, to feel closer to says that's being presented in the first of the four children. It's a forced read, but it's a beautiful read. we got three more kids to go. Let's go. Let's see what he has to say. Next paragraph. The Russia, the Hain Russia. The Russia asks, what is this Voda to you? Says. Wow. That is a fantastic read of that question. The Russia asks, what is this service to you? So the classic understanding of that is he says, I'm not a part of this. I don't want any part of your to mitzvah. What does this mean to you? That's the classic understanding of why he's a Russia. He takes himself out. He says, no, what's happening here It's. This guy, he's just trying to serve a K and he's trying and trying and trying to serve a K. And every time he tries, he falls and he fails and he tries and he fails and he tries and he fails. And he is at the point where he is just in despair. He feels hopeless. It gives us a little empathy for the Russia. He feels hopeless. He's trying to deserve a KD burle. No matter what happens, he can't succeed. And so he turns to everybody else and he says, I don't understand. Why do you protected? Why wouldn't you try? You succeed? Why wouldn't you try? You able to serve a Q Burle? But every time I try, my IHA overcomes me and I trip up and I fall and I fail. So I don't understand. How are you able to serve Aku this poor, this poor Jew? He says, I don't understand. How are you able to do this? How come I can't serve a K? That's always understanding the question. so, he says, Viva. So the answer is, we say that if. He was there. If this child was at ra, he never would've been redeemed. How do we understand that? Ush? We also were on the 49th level of Tumah when we were on the 49th level of tah of spiritual impurity. When we left Mitri, we were our lowest. The, and the only reason that we were redeemed is because we didn't despair And if this Russia was there, he wouldn't have been redeemed. Why Muhammad? What a beautiful read. What an empathetic read. he wouldn't have been redeemed because Had he been in me trying like everybody else, he would've been on the for ninth level of tma. And if this guy was on the Fortine ninth level of tma, you better believe he would've been in despair and he wouldn't have believed that he could be redeemed. And that would've been his doubtful. That's what we're saying, that we're not dealing with Russia here. That doesn't believe in, that's not what we're talking about. He doesn't believe in the strength that's hidden, buried within the root of the soul of a Jew. That's what he's missing, that even when we're on the 49th level of Tema, where it's so impure, we're so far from. The spark of a Q never goes out inside of us. And the light of a our so can never put out. that's what we need to focus on. That's what we need to remember. And so this is the issue of the Russia. The Russia is in despair. He's in despair because he doesn't feel like he can ever succeed. He's so pu he is fallen so many times. There's no way. So, yeah, ne if that was his perspective in me, try, he never would've come out. He never would've come out.'cause we have to have Una not Hashem. Of course he has Una Hashem. Why would he be sitting at the fair table Al if he didn't have Una Hashem, he has a, he doesn't have a Una in himself. He doesn't have Muna in the godliness that's inside of him. And so therefore says, and that's why the says we hit him in the teeth because he's a heretic in the main thing. Because it's part of the, the OU needs to be. We have to believe that A Q who chose us. As of any other nation that he's with us, even when we're in Pure, were he wouldn't have been redeemed because it was only because of this Una that they were taken out at all. That's the only way. They barely had any mitzvah. They were so impure, even the mid that they did, they still managed to be on the fortine level of TMA outta 50. Had they been at 50 that ever would've been able to come out, they were as far as you could possibly go and still be redeemed. And if they didn't have Una in themselves in their relationship with the QB, there was no way out the rock. It's only through that Una in ourselves, in our connection with the Q barko that we came out of Miran. And it's only in that Una that we will see the future redemption. That's the only way to believe in ourselves. You see so much, so much sadness and depression and self-doubt and issues in spirituality. Biman, people who look at themselves and they say like, uh, listen, I'm, I don't really have any hope when it comes to religiosity. Uh, I'm Torah Mitzvah. I'm never gonna exceed there. I'm not somebody who can really learn I six 30 mis fos. It's never gonna happen. I don't believe in myself. I don't believe that I can be a part of this thing in a real way. The only way we're going to get to the future redemption is to look honestly in the mirror and say in those times where we're low, I am very far away. I am impure. I am. I believe that there's godliness inside of me. and because there's godliness inside of me, I can always get back to there's always hope. There's always. And when it came to this Una, that was where Moshe had a Suffolk about Israel. When Moshe met Ko by the burning bush, one of the reasons why he gives that, he says he doesn't want to go. He says, no, be. They're not gonna believe me. I'm gonna say we're going to go out. He says, they're not gonna believe me Even though he knew that were Ian Believers, the Sons of believers. The next column, but he thought that they wouldn't believe him when they're in a situation where on the, for ninth level of tma, he asked the Q, but they might not believe me. The answer is, of course, they're gonna believe you. You need to believe in them. That they believe in how much I love them. you're right, they're very far away. You really gonna speak LHA about? They don't believe me. Right. That's one of the signs that he's given is that he puts his hand in his shirt and he takes it out in his hand as rah. So it's miraculous. Then he puts it in and it doesn't have Rahs. So the Mafar bring out one of the reasons why that was one of the signs that he was gonna give cla was a sign to Mosha that he had just spoken l Hara about Clare. What was the lha? How could you say that they don't believe in me, that I will always love them. That's how he's reading it. How could you say that You are right, that they're far away. You're right. They've made a lot of mistakes. You're right. That they're in the foreign level of tamma. Oh, that's true. But that they don't have Una, that I'm going to redeem them. That they don't have a una in my love for them. That you can't say that's part of what UR is. That's part of what it means to be part of ur. It's buried deep inside of them and it's always a part of them and that's how they're going to be able to get out Next, paragraph three lines into the second column. The simpleton, the simple child. The Tom asks, the simple child asks, what is this Nu, what does this mean? That he's been stricken with the disease of indifference and apathy in em. He's not invested. He says, oh, what is this? He's not passionate. He's not riled up the ham's. Like, I don't understand The Roger's like. He's not fired up. He's indifferent. He is apathetic to any issue in Kaha, and he says, therefore, it's incredible. Tom, Tom is the same letters as death. He's ma dead inside. He's totally dead. There's no life of inside of him. There's no life of inside of him. The am and what's the response to him with a strong hand who takes us out of Egypt? The only way is to take a strong hand and rip him out of that apathy. Rip him out of that indifference. Sha. That's the only way to awaken all of the spiritual capacity that they have. There are times in life where, yes, we feel apathetic. We feel indifferent. In those moments, anything just washes over us. Those moments in life where we're struggling and we feel a little bit distant and like, yeah, whatever, like I used to be inspired. I don't feel inspired anymore. I'm gonna sheer, it was a nice idea. Whatever. I read a safe. Yeah, it was cute. I go into a mitzvah. Yeah, I had a good time. That's the tom. The person's dead inside. They're spiritually dead inside. And that person needs someone something, a kaku themselves, someone else to grab them by the shirt and just rip them out. The Jose ya rip them out of that indifference, rip them out of that apathy. How could you say that? How could you not be inspired to find an area of tour that you're excited about? Sit next to somebody who's so overwhelmed by how excited they are that it's infectious and it comes to you from them. That you go into a mitzvah, you go into a, and somebody says, look what you're doing. You're changing the world. This whole person's life is different because of you. Grab you by the shirt and wake you up. You go to what's Fila? Somebody walk in three steps back, three steps forward. A 13 seconds. One x-ray, say. You put more effort into what you're gonna say to the cashier when you're about to check out at the, supermarket. like How do you not care? You're about to talk to a. Got to be taken out with a strong hand to rip a person out of that apathy and see the beauty to care. Because if you don't care, if you're not connected, if you're not alive, you're dead inside and you rip that person out, give them a nice hard shove, you bring them back to a place of life. That's the goal. Back to a place of life. That's the Tom. Beautiful. I explain each other, Tom. next paragraph. Last child. For the child who can ask you, open up for that child who s. I know it's going. It's so beautiful. What does it mean that you have to open up for them? Their whole reality is closed off. Libo s their heart is closed off. Their mind is closed off that they don't even know what to ask. No, I, I, I have tears in my eyes when a person in their life is in a place that they're, this is not the Tom where they're, the Tom is apathetic. He's saying the show was so much deeper. The cha show is they're beyond that point, and they're closed there, there's no discussion to be had with them. They're not like, you go to'em and say like, Hey, what? And they're like, now, whatever. Like, there's no opening with them. They're totally closed off. Their hearts closed. Their minds closed, that they can't even ask anything anymore. They've been through so much and they're so far away. It's not even apathy. They're just closed off. Rah, and the Torah gives them a piece of advice, the, and a chance for salvation on this. That you say to your child on this night because of did for me to take me out of Egypt to serve even in being a place of closed off. that you serve a Q with with simple, even though your heart's closed, I'm serving you anyway up that when we were in me trying, we were totally closed off. Al describe us like a fetus In the womb of the mother animal. What does that mean? We were totally engulfed. We were totally closed off. A child in the womb, their whole life, their air, their food, everything, every aspect of their environment. It's all just the womb. We were closed off to everything in Mera. We were inside the bubble of Mera. And as one of the explanations is given to the Paso, that the desert was closed off to them, that now that the desert was closed off to them, s ham, meaning haddi, their speech was taken away from them. Soah talked about in PEs, there was a Guus Haddi that when we were raan, we lost our ability to speak. We couldn't talk to a QBR anymore. We couldn't dive anymore. We couldn't do anything. And that's why what starts off the exodus. We turn to a Kish bho, and we screech, we screech in pain. Why are we just screaming out? Why aren't we davening? Why aren't we saying a petal tale him? Because we don't have any words and we're at least able to scream. We at least able to cry out. Our ability to speak is closed off. All that we have left is the, and through that UNA itself, we are able to be redeemed. And so too, by every single one of us, hear what he's saying by every single one of us. We feel closed off if we feel that there are no longer any words. I can't talk to Q. There's nothing to say. It's over. There's nothing here between us. I don't feel anything anymore. Forget about it. There's nothing to talk about. The salvation of my soul depends on this to is that I hold onto May Una even when my heart is closed, even when I don't feel anything. My heart is stone and we need to feel our connection with my heart is stone. Right now, I don't feel anything, but I choose to stay close to you because I believe that we're still close beyond this feeling of being totally closed off. Sha, if you clinging onto that, una, that belief that you're still connected to Abajo, even when your mind is closed. I don't see anything. I don't feel anything in Q Bjo. My heart is closed. My whole emotional world is shut down to ak. I still believe we're connected and that's how the gates of light could open up. That's the, when we no longer have questions left, because We're so closed off to hang onto that, to cling to that, even in those times are the darkest of times. I can still get back to you and because I believe in that, I will be able to be redeemed to come back to you. Parenthetically, It's beautiful what he's doing here. we like to sometimes wave off because his like cute ideas. First of all, he's reading into the words in again, sometimes forced ways with beautiful ways. That's number one. Number two is, look what he just did though. structurally. There's the wise son, the wicked son, the simpleton, and then the one who can't ask and like this, so, okay, so like, I guess we'll organize them by age.'cause you know, the first born's, always the goody two shoes. The middle child always has issues, right? So they're the Russia. Then there's the younger one already. All right, so that's the simpleton and then the little baby s like, no, no, no. It's talking about spiritual levels. The is like, I don't know what to do. I'm trying, I'm doing Torah, I'm doing missiles, but I don't feel connected. The Russia is. I keep trying and I keep failing, but like that's on a very high level. He's trying, he keeps on trying, but ne he's failing. And so he has, he says, yeah, he says he's in despair, so we're going from the one who is fine. He's like, I don't feel a connection through it. Then the one who's in despair, then the one who says, I'm apathetic, I don't like, I don't care. That's a lower level. Apathy, indifference, and what's the last one? I'm not apathetic. I'm just totally closed off. And it's lower and lower levels of feeling more and more distant from a Q Boku that we're relating to as we go along through the ARB bottom, which I think when you think about it structurally, it actually works very beautifully, which he didn't say, but that's what he did. and I'm sure that underneath the surface, that's part of what he was trying to build. Let's finish it up. Next paragraph. that tell us that the Torah talks to each of these four children. Ki. Everybody goes up on, there's a raising up. There's an an uplifting of every single person on, even for the Russia on the night of Seder Knight, even for the Russia, they get raised up. That's beautiful. He says, What do we say to the Russia? If he was there, he wouldn't have been redeemed. Why? Because if he was there, that was before a Kash burro who said, you're my children. Now after Aakash, Bojo has said, you are all my children, which means we can never be cut off from Aakash Bhu. If he was there and meets Ryan, you're right. He wouldn't have been redeemed because he didn't have the status of a child and he's a Russia. But after you'd see us meet Ryan when Aakash Bojo says, you're my children, if the Gula is right now, don't worry. He'll still be redeemed.'cause even though he is a Russia, even though he is far away, it doesn't matter. Then he wouldn't be redeemed. But now, now it can be redeemed. Everybody on Le La, the ham, the Russia, the, the Tom, all of them, they all get raised up. That's the power of Leider. All of us in our lives, we're not one child. All of us in our lives, there are times in our lives where we feel like each one of these children. There are times when we feel like the Han, or like the N, which is explaining times we feel like the Russia times when we feel like the Tom. Sometimes we feel like different times in our life. We feel like different ones of these children could be at one time in our life in different aspects of our life and different aspects are of S Hashem. We feel like different ones of each children at one time. And what he's saying here is, who cares about all of us? Every one of us in every situation that we're in, he cares about every single Jew and shows that love on Seder night, you are all my children. You are all my children, and I'm gonna give every single one of you an ZA advice. If you're in a stage of life of this is how to get closer to me, ne Russia, this is how to get closer to me. If you're a Tom, this is how to get closer to me. Let me open up for you. I've got you. Because we're always connected and you're my children. Kaho cares about every single one of us. And if we're ever in a situation where we think, yeah, but if I'm in this place, if I've done these things, if I'm this far away, what way back is there? There's always an za. There's always an Za K who sent us all messages. How do we get back to, there's always a way back. There's always an S of how to get back. Who says it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter where you are in your hashem, what type of child you feel like? There's always a way back to me. Everybody gets raised up on Pesach Knight. I'm bringing you well closely because it's the night where I reveal that you are all my children. No matter where we are. We should always feel that connection to Akash, ku. Remember that we're the children of a kku and feel no matter where we are. This Seder night, this Le has Seder and this year in our vo Hashem to feel a q raising us up and pulling us close to him as he hugs us and takes us outran. Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode. If you enjoyed the episode, please rate the podcast and hit the follow button and join us every week for a new episode. Once again, thank you so much to our sponsors, And a reminder that you too. Yes, you can sponsor an episode of the podcast email rabbi chernoff@gmail.com for more info or to share any thoughts, comments, or feedback on this week's episode. See you in the next one. I.