Elul: True Commitment for the New Year

In this episode, we are learning the Nesivos Shalom on the month of Elul!

If you want to follow along inside, it is in Nesivos Shalom on Devarim page reish nun aleph (251). You can find a pdf of the piece here.

This week’s episode is sponsored by Eliora Habshush in honor of her engagement to Achiya and in gratitude to Hashem for her special journey to finding her zivug at the right time. Mazal tov Eliora, and thank you so much for generously sponsoring this week’s episode! If you would like to sponsor an episode of the podcast, please email Rabbi Charnoff at rabbicharnoff@gmail.com.

Transcript

Rabbi Charnoff 0:07

Hello everyone. This is Rabbi Robbie Chernoff and you are listening to the Hasidist for Life podcast. The podcast. We learn a deep Hasidic insight every single week and explore how it can lead us to a more meaningful, vibrant, and spiritually uplifted life. In this week's episode, we'll be learning the VO on the month of Ello. If you would like to follow along inside, you can go to the show notes for a link to A PDF, but feel free to just sit back, listen, and enjoy the ride. This week's episode is sponsored by Eli Ora ha, a longtime tam da in honor of her engagement to a and in gratitude to a for her special journey to finding her Ziva. Get the right time. Alto Eura, and thank you so much for generously sponsoring this week's episode. Remember, your sponsorships are what make this podcast happen. If you would like to sponsor an episode of the podcast, please email rabbi chernoff@gmail.com or see the show notes for more details. Alright, with that, let's jump into the Cevo Shalom on the month of ell. We are in the, we're in the back of safer. On page the says, be at an appeasing time. Hashem, in your tremendous rest, in your tremendous loving kindness, answer me with the truth of your salvation. So why in the beginning of the, does it say to you, Hashem, in the name, which is the name of compassion, and then afterwards, in the end of the past it says el, which is the name of Dean and judgment. He explains the whole concept of EL is coming from is coming from the vo, famously from the Suk. From Shihi of Ani. I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me. If you take a look at the first letter of each of those four words. Ani, those four letters, olive Edid, make the word ell. So one of the corpse from which ELL is emanating from is this PU of Ani because of the TiVo ell, which means, again, I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me this month seemingly of. Connectivity with the Q Bku closeness unification, especially in light of the fact that we're coming off of AAV where there was so much distance and destruction, and now comes the stage and EL of the reunification with the Q bhu. That leads us into this tremendous time of the year of the Hanah, Kipper, Suki, rba, ra, et cetera. So he says, what does mean? I am to my beloved? I am to my beloved. I am for my beloved means. That I nullify myself and totally give myself over all of my desires. Everything I am, I give over to my beloved. This is the goal of the, of this holy month. A month of A month of mercy. It's a month. It's a merciful month where our KA gives us this tremendous opportunity to prepare ourselves for these holy but also awe inspiring days of Hanah Kippur, these days of judgment. We have this beautiful month of as, this opportunity from KU to prepare ourselves during this month of EL to make myself into a dodi. Says, says very intensely that he says it's known. Okay? It's known by him, and it's, it's something which we should all strive for. It's not a simple thing. That it's known that Yom Kipper is only er once a Jew has totally nullified himself and all of his capacities and everything, he has to, once I totally give myself over to, then it's this idea of being the V of Nullifying. Everything I have. All giving it all to meaning. The meaning explains it, is that if a person only does shva, we haven't even started yet. It's not enough. I have to nullify everything I have to. And through this, the, the other half of the pa. Then my beloved will be to me, will respond to us measure for measure. If I do the beginning of the Voda, if I reach out and I am to my beloved, I am to. That I give over all of myself to my beloved, right? He says everything that is ani, I give over all of my ani to my, do I give everything that I am to my do is to me. Forgive us for everything will give us everything. What's he saying here? It's a time where I'm working on myself to give myself over completely to a Q. It's not a simple thing, it's a time, as we've talked about in the previous two weeks, specifically two weeks ago when we talked about Ello, but also last week when we talked about the, of thinking about where am I holding? Where am I holding my vo hash? Last El last re last. Ana Kipper. I worked so hard to get kaari to get forgiveness from KU and Iah. You're my king and on kipper. I'm sorry for everything that I did. Please accept me back. Give me a great year. I'm gonna be an amazing servant this year and we've drifted for 11 months. 11 months since last kipper, and a lot happens in those 11 months and we get. Persuaded and we get thrown off course and we get schlep off by our Y Sahara, and that's one way we could have fallen off from what we intended in last Rosh Hashanah or on a higher level even perhaps maybe I was even successful in so many of the things that I committed to, to a Kash Barko in the previous year. But it's 11 months later, and if I committed myself that way to a QB 11 months ago, hopefully, hopefully in 11 months, I've grown. And I've shifted and I've matured and to think to myself, is there an even bigger way, an even deeper way that I should be giving myself over to Akash Bojo this year to elevate myself this year in a totally different way. It's, this is the time of year of El. It's a time of wrapping Akash. Bojo gives it to us as a gift. It's out of his mercy. He gives us El a time to focus, a time to meditate, a time to commit. How can I give myself over to Al Boku in a way that I've never given myself over to him before, in ways that I should have in the past, but didn't in the ways that I never could have in the past, but now can, and without the reflection, without the he nu, without the meditation and contemplation, I could never know that I could go further than I've done before. I could take it to the next step. This is the time to be thinking about it. There are times in life in every relationship that we have. It's natural course of things, friendships that I take for granted and I stop investing in and they call a little bit less and I call a little bit less. I was relying on them to call and I'm not, we don't see each other as much. One of them, one us moved away. It's hard. How do I reinvest if I actually care? How do I reinvest siblings, parents? Do I only call for those of us here, a bunch of you who are here, uh, in al do I only call on a of Shabi? And the short shabi is when Shabbas starts at four and they get up at seven or eight. Does it only like that 15 second call just to wish a good shabaz? Can I do better than that? Even though I have an Israeli work week and they have an American work week? Can I do better than that? Can I upgrade? Can I go further? Really invest? What does it mean to really connect? What does it mean to really have that relationship? With a spouse, obviously. How can I increase my level of care and attentiveness and love and giving of giving my whole me, my whole ani lid, dodi to the other. It's a lifetime of Voda. And again, and I want to, I know I keep emphasizing the same point, but it's so important to emphasize it's not a one-time deal. You go and you commit everything you are to your dodi, you go and you commit everything that you are to your beloved, to your spouse, to your husband, to your wife. A year later. It doesn't even need to be that you failed. Hopefully a year later, you are a year smarter. You're a year older, you're a year more mature, and you give, you see, can I give in a way that I never gave before? Understand the other in a way, I never stood them before. And therefore give to them in a way that I have never given to them before. It's a lifetime process. It's a lifetime process. I'm, all of us are human, and all of us are fallible. I am perhaps of those of us sitting here the most human than the most fallible amongst us all the time. I, I, when I speak to my wife and I find out that there are ways in which I even in the past could have hurt her in ways that I never even understood. But do I care to understand more, to ask for forgiveness and to change and to give more of who I am and more of who I am and more of who I am to make all of my aila dodi, to commit myself to someone else. And then obviously the ultimate relationship to commit myself to a K. That's the real ultimate commitment to take everything that I am and to give it over to him. Every step is for him. We talked about RM two weeks ago to put my hand on that za, and before I walk into the room to think to myself, in what way is walking into this room for ha, is it lid Dodi? Am I engaging him? Am I giving to him? I take a a, a bite of food on my fork. Is it for me or is it for him? I take a step outside, I get into the car, am I going towards him or towards me? Regardless of the destination? Where am I going? Who am I going towards? Because ultimately, I'm either doing it selfishly for myself and I'm going towards me, or I'm doing it selflessly for a, and I'm giving it all to him. And the goal is ani my, all of my Ani needs to be, yeah, true. There's certain things you don't even know yet that you can give to ak, but right now, right here, this year, at the end of 57 85, looking at the gates of 57 86, what parts of myself can I give to my do that I've never given before? Never given before. A whole new level, the next level. Something that I can, I don't wanna say give up. It sounds very, uh, extreme I don't, not saying give up, but what can, I don't think of it as, what am I giving up? What can I give to him if I'm still, you know, if I'm still binging Netflix and like wasting my time. It's not just deleting my password. I'm taking my password as a corban to a QB on the basement. I'm giving it to a q. It's for you so I can have more time to learn your Torah so I can have more time to DA in, so I can have more focus and I can have more clarity and I can have more ability to be in my a Hashem. I'm giving it to you. So often life, you look at it as, I have to give something up for the other person. No, I'm not giving it up. Oh, it's so annoying. I love doing all these things, but like never, Hey, I'm married, so I have to give up all this fun stuff because I'm married. I am taking all of this, and I'm dedicating the time and the energy and the focus and the love, and the commitment and the relationship to you. And the beauty of it is in a healthy, functioning, beautiful relationship, you never even ask about the other side of the equation. The other side of the equation is ly d Lee, when they receive everything from you, all they wanna do is given you, hopefully you're in this beautiful relationship, this giving relationship where you're fulfilling the whole goal of what, what, what creation is about. Which is that I'm, if I give everything that I am to you, I have nothing left. I have nothing left that I don't, I can't exist. I, my, my BIE once got into this with, uh, with one of the parents. They came to a hug of his, one of the parents of his edin. It was a hug every Tuesday night, Monday night, whatever night it is. And, uh, and there are a lot of, they're welcome to come. And so at one of the, he actually took out, as part of the hug, he took out the giving tree. And he read the Giving Tree at the Hook. If you've never read the Giving Tree at a children's book, it won't take you that long. You should absolutely, positively read The Giving Tree. It's a fantastic children's children's book. So he read the Giving Tree and the parent came up to an effort very respectfully, right? and he comes and says, you know, I respectfully disagreed like I'm a psychologist. And what happens in the giving tree. So the giving trees to this tree gives everything to the boy, it gives it shade, and then its leaves, and then its branches, and then it's trunk and something more than a stump. By the end he said, yeah. Like that's what happens. Meaning if it's an unhealthy relationship, like that's an abusive relationship. If you just give everything you are to the other person, then yeah, all your is a stump. You're nothing. You're nothing in the end. And Myra be wanted to claim, okay, fine. The Seder, like your goal in life is to give, don't think about the other side. Just keep giving. But they didn't disagree that in the ideal relationship. It's not that you're the giving tree in the sense of you give your your leaves and then your branches and then your trunk, and then all you're left with, you're just a stump of a person that if you're in a good, healthy relationship, you're emptying yourself out and you're giving it to them. But they have to receive that. So how are they gonna receive that? They empty themselves out and they give everything of themselves to you. It's like, uh, in the east la but there's there also la It's like the yin and the yang. Where one is giving to, the other one is constantly being filled by the other, and the other one's being filled by, that one goes into the other. The other one goes into the other, and each one is being filled by the other. And so I'm emptying my whole self out into my in. In this case, let's say for example, I'm emptying my whole being into my wife. So she has all that I am. And I'm empty. But I'm not empty because in theory then she's emptying everything. She is into me and we give each other life, and that's a microcosm, which we talk about all the time here. The relationship of marriage is a microcosm for our relationship with a Q Bjo. Think about the depth of what that means. Think about the depth of what that means. What is the Q Bhu telling us? Get into a relationship of love. With me. An means about Kou. My beloved is a Q Bjo and his beloved is me. What's my Voda? To take everything that I am and pour myself out into a K. But if I pour myself out, then I'm empty, but I'm not. Because to the extent that I empty myself out into him, he fills me with himself. Meaning the more I successfully give of myself, give myself to him, the more I very literally become godly. I'm filled with godliness. You wanna bring godliness into your life. Get rid of all of the ego and the hangups and the tivas. Get rid of all of that stuff that's getting in the way that's distracting you because you're trying to tend to you and say, it all doesn't matter. Take it, it's yours. And empty out all that space. Empty it out. And then with that empty space you've created, it's not empty at all. God fills just like you gave yourself to God. You can't fill, God can't say such thing. You give yourself over to God and you empty out yourself. Then a who fills you with him? You become Godly. You become Godly. That's the Avo El ELs, the real spring cleaning. It's not of pe. Right? The real spring cleaning. The real cleaning out of this is El time. All of the dirt, all of the dust, all of the, just, everything is just piled up all the garbage. Get rid of all of it and just make space for Kle. The king is coming. Ha, kle is coming. The king is out there in the fields. He could be passing by your house tomorrow. On his way. He could just be rolling right through past your house. And you're setting up your house.'cause the king can come inside to fill your inner world with VO to fill your whole inner world with the ko Shamai, your whole inner world with the Q by getting rid of all of the stuff. That's the Voda. That's what we're striving for. That's the gift of Ellum. It is to commit Aila. Dodi because A who promises? Oh, Aila, Dodi. Don't worry. I'm guaranteeing you and you don't do it for this reason, but just know. Just know. If you're Aila, Dodi, don't worry. I'm all here for you all the time in every way. Whatever you give, I'm giving right back. You get me right back in return. next paragraph. Included in this concept of A, of giving me to my beloved. The concept there's doing for a specific sin. There's the level of I did this sin. That's one level of chuva. And then there's Chuva. For my whole being, for everything that I am, there's not chuva for having done this sin. There's chuva for me, being me, there's ne, there's the chuva for this sin that I've done this year. And then there's the chuva of Robbie Chernoff. My whole being just, I'm sorry, just I'm sorry for me, I'm sorry for everything that I am. There's my whole being of. That I, I realize that my life is not lived and I wanna Amish turn my whole life around. I want to commit myself to you. I want to give myself to you. If you've ever been in a fight with somebody who you love very, very deeply, it's two very, very different things to say, to look at the, to look at somebody you love and say. Fine. Whatever you want. Whatever you want. Fine. Which is, I'll do it'cause you said so and I'm done with this. It's annoying. I'll do it. If you've ever been in a religion with somebody you love, there's a whole different, I mean, you know where this is going, but you hear the words, but no, listen, I'm so sorry. Whatever you want. I just wanna do whatever you want. I want to be whoever you want me to be. I wanna become whoever you want me to become. I just want to be the best I can be for you. If ever love somebody deeply with all of your heart and all of your soul, that's all you. I just wanna be whatever you want me to be goes by. Also, if you've never had the opportunity to do this, I beg of you, I beg of you, at least try. I at some point to go Davin by the base of Ash to Davin in the Al Plaza. And Dave in there, whatever ding there is, and pour your heart out into a chakras, into a min, into a, pour your heart out and then go and find a nice, quiet spot in the back. There's no such thing as a quiet spot in the front at any time of day in the hotel, but go to the back and try to find a nice, quiet spot in the back. I just went recently, I've, this summer's been a summer of s nes for me. I've been, uh, I've been trying to really push the boundaries of, of trying to get to my next level. All of us at the right time in our lives, wherever we're at. And a week or two ago I was near, I did that. I went to by the hotel and I sat there in the back and I just sat and talked to a Q. It's so important to times to just get used to just talking to him, which is what davening is supposed to be and much is supposed to be. Okay. So I'm not on the level. Many of us may not be on the level we have, may have kavana, we may get serious. That's great. But to just have it be kilo. We're just talking to him through the words of the, okay, so I'm not there yet. I try my, my, my tool is good, but it's not great. And I went to the back and I just talked to him and I talked and I cried Emmi around Jews and Jews, see other Jews sitting in corners whispering to themselves and tear streaming down their face. They all, everybody understands nobody. Nobody goes. even the shaking hands with the money inside didn't come near me for those five, 10 minutes. I sat there and I cried. Go to, what do you want? Whatever you want. I just want to serve you. Whatever you want. I'm so sorry for everything I did. I haven't been clear. I've been trying to figure it out. I don't know. I still don't know. Help me see. I just want to, I just want not whatever you want. I just want give to you a Dodi, please. My beloved a Dodi. Whatever you want. I'm here. Show me the way. Make it happen. I'm here. I want to do whatever you want it to because I love you and I wanna give to you, and only you can tell me how you want me to give to you. Show me the way. I'm too thick, I'm too thickheaded to understand how, help me see, help me understand. A, that's, that's, I wanna change my whole life. I wanna change my whole being. I wanna change my whole approach to who I am. I wanna cleanse myself. I wanna be something more. It says in the, in this farm on the. Don't do like where I took you out of and don't do like, which I'm taking you into. It's hard to understand what is it to say in that par in in ra. So it says, don't do like E meet rhyme and don't do like Esteban. What does that mean? And then it lists all of the RAs. But it's a detailed bullet point list. What I need, the introductory EK is don't do like Aaron Smith and don't like. No, just tell me what not to do. Just gimme the bullet point list. Who cares if it's what Mitra and did? Just gimme the list. He says, no, el, because that's not the point. There's a whole list here of things not to do because when you do that, you're acting like them. But it's more than that. Don't do these horrifying acts. Don't do these acts of, but more than that, it's not just not a, it is the shot of the other PKI is don't do those things, but don't be a mystery, don't be a kani even if you're not doing those actions. Don't be a mystery like person. Don't be a kani like person. It's not just the actions. You can be a person who does all of the right things, all the correct things, but inside you're not there. You're not there. You haven't transformed yourself into a person of kaa. Don't do mitzvahs like a mitzva. Don't do mitzvahs like a kani. Don't live like them even if you're not doing what they're doing. Don't live like them. Be Kosh. Sorry. It's a bigger overarching principle. Also, don't do the things they did, but be a yid. Elevate yourself and ish be a hamit because Amri, everything amri does, he's doing for himself. Even if it's selfless, it's not. It's selfish. He gives only to take. Everything he's doing, a Jew is doing for everything. Everything. A person, somebody comes and they wanna give you a gift. What do you do? He who hates gifts will live, oh, I wanna live like mle. I don't want to be, I wanna live. I wanna really live. So if somebody gives me a gift, no, I won't take it to past success. No, I'm not taking it. Think about the other person for a second. The other person said, wow, I care so much about that. I have, I'll tell you, a very holy neighbor, the holy plumber who lives, uh, next door to me. There was one, it was was Era of Pur. It was on Purim. There wasn't even mic, there wasn't even, like, this is the beauty of it. It wasn't even to fulfill the midst of mic notes. There was no food inside. He came and brought this beautiful like, uh, uh, glass serving tray. I said, what is this? He says, I'm just so appreciative to have you as a neighbor, and I wanted to show my car set to this guy's like Siki Olan. Unbelievable guy. Unbelievable guy. And, and he gave a gift. Can you imagine if I was like, no, listen. Grard. I really appreciate it. You're very sweet. You're a nice neighbor. But like, listen, I, I don't take gifts. Very nice. Put it on yourself. No, thank you. He thought about me, he went to a store and bought something and got it wrapped and knocked on my door and per day and handed me something. What I'm trying to say is even if I was on the level where I never accepted gifts, even if I need to get to a place where I'm not just doing Jewish, I'm living like a yid. Which means that when I put out my hand and I take that, I'm on a level where two things are true. I don't want any gifts. I don't want anything for free in this life. But look at this, this beautiful Jew who wanted to do an act of connectivity and loving kindness to build a relationship between neighbors and chat, all of you'll have neighbors one day and you'll also suffer through them. And then hopefully find ones who actually wanna invest and try to make good relationships, not budget with neighbors. And, uh. And I go and I take it, but I take it for him. I take it because I want him to have the experience of being able to give the gift. I take it because it makes him feel whole, that he got to give the thing he wanted to give. So regardless of whether I end up with the tray, I do it for him. I receive from him. It's a tremendous rga, tremendous level. I'm not saying that I was there when I was, when I took the tray, it was a very nice tray, right? I'm not saying it was on that level at that moment, but the idea, the getting to the zone that what does it mean to be a Jew? What it means to be a Jew is, is that you can give selfishly and you can take selflessly you can give, I think I said that the opposite way, if you give, you can give selfishly or selflessly. You can give because really you wanna create, you have your designs of what you wanna do with this person and because you want'em to give you this. And if they like you, not, you have all of these games, you're playing 3D chess, good for you. And so you're giving and giving and giving. But really it's all a game. You've got an endgame of what you wanna take that's giving like a midstream that's giving like a kani. You're not a Jew. You're giving to take. You gotta give to give. And you can take. You can take like aery. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. Or you can give, you can assume. You can take your act of taking can be an act of giving. It's deep levels, but it's what it means to be a Jew of what it means to be aila DDI by Rob's house. This, this entire podcast, the project that we're doing, basically bottom line. It's a way to just immortalize stories about rebi reveal basically at this point. So along these, however many, however long this goes for, we'll have them somewhere. You know, that these, these stories of re's house, um, the first time you go to leave hiss house, put your hand on the, you can't open the door. He says, no, no, no. You don't understand. You needed to give in order to take, even to open the door to his house, you have to turn the knob and push in a little bit, and then you can pull. He says, no, no. You can't just take, you have to give in order to take, there's even a lesson in how you open the door to his house. It's unbelievable. That's a person who's living, meaning the answer is the door knobs a little bit broken, but, but that's not how he sees life. He sees everything in the voda of learning how to be a Jew, who gives, who's a Jew of ti, who's living for, who's living for his beloved. That's how he sees life. That's how he sees life. His door's broken. It's not broken. It's teaching me a lesson and it's teaching all my them a lesson. You gotta give in order to take. You can't just take, it's gotta be giving Also two lines down. On the second column, raise that vo emle. And this is a, it's a command on ma our whole lives. That the, the Torah wants that our whole life as a Jew be totally different Sha not just that we spend our whole life avoiding doing that, which is usher. That's not a life, but even things of Heter mitzva. It means to be, to, to strive, to be a yid, to strive to be a Jew, not just to do Jewish. To be a Jew. To be a Jew, in my essence, in my kishkas, to transform myself into the image of God. Not to do like God, but to be godly. And what's the advice to do this? How can a person turn their life around about that? It says back to the past that we started with the beginning of the piece. Beautiful. Wow. Beautiful read of the pasta. Is that the can tell him that we started with what is my main. What's, there's one main, and that is I want to be for you. That's the te You wanna know what Mike is? I just want to be for you. That's all I want in my life. I wanna be laan. That's all I want. That's the tic of a year. That's the true T of a Jew. I just want to be for you. Help me be for you. That's all I want that in everything that I do. It only the only question that I'm asking, not in the non-Jew, like not what would ish BHU do, what can I do for you ish? Is this act for you or is it not? And if it's for you, it's life. And if it's not for you, then what am I doing with my life? It's nothing. It's momish nothing. And included this, that I should be connected to you clinging to you and not to do anything against that. I not do anything that should break my clinging to you, my connection to you, my closeness to you that momish everything. Everything should be for you. Next paragraph. And this is what it means. My is to you. Hashem at a good time. Meaning the proper. The proper in a time that is advantageous to Davin, that is, I want to be for you. That is Tila. She's killing. To give myself over completely and to be totally nullifying myself to AK qbo. What is this? A time of a, uh, a proper time? A good time to says what's the biggest now. Now is. El R, this is the A. This is the time to ish being to totally getting into the Teah of this is the time for em El. This is the time to give everything that I am to. The low rock p not just the eam, not just letting go of all of the Eva that I do and giving up on the TVA and this, that I like to do and that that I like to do and this, that I have a tah for. Not just giving up the E el Mu, even the things that are mu to me y mu to dedicate myself to commit myself to a, on a level where even when there's no iser involved. But I'm, but I'm taking more and more parts of my life that are focused on me, where it's mutter. I'm watching a show that's mutter. I'm reading a book that's mutter. I'm going to a place that's mutter. I'm eating food that's mutter all these, they're all mutter. But all of those things I'm doing because I wanna do them and they're for me. There's nothing wrong with that. This is daca. The time of year to start thinking about how do I elevate myself and give more of myself to a sparkle? When you think to yourself, but if I do that, then who am I? That's what we said at the beginning of sheer. Who are you? You've just emptied out a little bit of yourself and made space. You are godly, you have more God in you. That's who you become. You give nothing up and you gain eternity and life and meaning and closeness to infinity. That's what you gain. You give up a hamburger and you get a KD B, you give up a season of who knows what, and you get a KB. That's ca mutar to be able to get to that place. There's nothing wrong with it, and there's nothing wrong with you if you don't yet, if you're not yet ready to give it up, there's nothing wrong with that. Right? but slowly but surely over my lifetime, I give up more and more and more. Not give it up for Hashem, I give it up to Hashem and he gives back himself to me. And in that moment when I do that, it becomes so clear. It becomes so clear that it was worth it, that I wonder. How could I have gone so long wondering if it was worth it or not? I don't even understand the question after the fact you give of yourself. You're, you're, you're in it. You're, again, for those of you who are not there yet, those of you who are yet there, who know what're talking about you, give yourself up to your spouse, and it's, it's, it's the hardest thing. I'm letting go. No, I'm giving a piece of myself to my spouse, and you are filled with relationship and love and closeness. And you ask yourself, how did I go this long? How did I live a life that was about me and not about the other? It becomes totally clear in retrospect. The avodas getting to that place seems so till eventually over the course of a lifetime. I give everything I am to Aakash bur. Says that if a Jew doesn't ade sanctify himself. And doesn't give up all of his pleasures in this world to every single is what he says. Every single physical pleasure that I indulge in selfishly, even if it's mutter, that I indulge in selfishly in this world, it's momish and iron fence between me and a K. It's not a threat. It is, it's a reality. I'm investing in myself, and so the walls of me get bigger. The walls of me get thicker. Instead of the walls of us getting stronger, then there's no way to get to the end point to the goal of Yom Kipper, which is that I'm, because I've given my whole self over to a qbo. That until I give up everything that I am, I can't be fully connected to Ma'cause I'm not giving my whole being over to him. There's still some of my stuff there, my stuff in the way, and I can't be fully connected to a Q. And the goal is more and more and more and more to give myself to him. That are only, most people are only focused on chuva and my sins. They're focused on getting rid of the sins. No, it's a time to give yourself over completely to a, it's not just like, oh, no, I did sin. I gotta get rid of them. So I don't have a bad year. No, that's such a low level of thinking. Oh no, I, I mean my, my wife's angry at me. I have to fix what I did. I needed to fix this and I need to fix this so that way she's not angry. No. What's the issue? The issue is, is that you don't understand her. I don't understand my wife well enough. What went wrong? How did it go wrong? How do I get closer? How do I get myself? How do I get, how do I commit myself to her more? Okay. I need to say sorry for this stuff. There's the things that I did, but there's a deeper root problem, which is that we're we're disconnected. And the goal is to care. To care, to want to be close with a KI care, I just wanna be close to you. The sins are a symptom of distance. They're also a cause of distance, but they're a symptom of a lack of understanding that create distance. I wanna understand you so that way when I say sorry, I know exactly what I'm saying, sorry for And that, sorry. Is drawing us close together. It's not just wiping away the sentence, it's binding us together. In a way that we were never bound together before.'cause I understand you more deeply than I've ever understood you before, and that's this time of year to nullify everything I am and give everything of myself over to a. That the whole goal is that when it's an ace, like osh, what should be, I'm for you. I'm giving myself over to you the next page that my whole feeling should be that I wanna be for you. And my whole thought process is in this action I'm about to take, is it going to make ha happy? Because if not that it's dividing myself from him. My whole focus should be is, is bringing me close to him or not. And if I succeed in and live, this reality of my whole is I want to be for you. That my whole life, my whole reality is that I'm totally nullified to a Kara Sparkle on a level of I am to my beloved as the then is to me. In his tremendous loving kindness, he'll answer me in the truth of his salvation, meaning even El El, which is indicative of mi, strict judgment, sha, even the attribute of justice and judgment. Will agree tremendous, will respond in the in the truth of salvation In the morning. That when a Jew is clinging to a out of deep love is with him. Nothing bad is gonna happen to him. But if we lessen, if we weaken our our closest to, and we're not totally con committed to being. Isn't as overtly committed to us. That if you are not with him then so to speak, so too Is he not completely with you? The here is. The here is. We're in such an auspicious time. We talked about the big picture, rethinking of who you are on an intellectual level, on, on who you are and all the aspects of yourself. Two weeks ago on our first El, she we're talking on a more emotional place here on a more raw, a place here, in a place of, of love of you can't define love, you can't contain love, you can't contain. This is the reality of ello. Is to strip away all of the stuff, all of the noise, and just say, I just wanna be to you. My whole feeling is I, I just wanna be to you. I just want be to you and to know, to know that when you do that Dodi Lee, he's just, all he wants to do is say, great. If you just give, commit yourself to me. I'm committing myself to you. That's all I want. I'm waiting here. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting. All I wanna do is to take you in my arms and hug you and bring your clothes. That's all I want. And where does this start from then? The opposite of this month is it all comes together as one. Em should be zuka to be able to, again, to Momish, to really be a Jew, to really be a yid. To not just do Jewish, but to be a Jew, to become a Jew. To be focused on giving selflessness connectivity, love. That's what a Jew really is in an emic way. to really, really be about love. Love means to give, to be in a relationship of giving, to give to each other, to give to our loved ones, mu, if you're already there to give to our spouses. And ultimately to give to a Q and to realize the more you give, the more you become and not to do it because of that. That's selfishly giving. Don't do it because of that. But to understand the reason why the Giving tree works is because in real life and with Judaism and with the Kahu and with ms, if you live like the Giving Tree, you become an, you become an S crime. You become momish. A tree of life. That's what it's about. And this is that month of reconnecting, reunifying of, of two lovers who have made tremendous mistakes and ne was de. Looking at each other and saying, how can I find our, how do I love you in a way I never loved you before properly. I clearly wasn't doing it before. I wanna love you the right way. I just wanna love you the right way, and I'm ready to take the next step to be honest with ourselves, to know where our failings are, what we truly still need. That's selfish, what we can finally let go of. That's selfish. And commit ourselves deeply and completely to a ka and through that should be to us, and we should come together united in love into the coming year by all of us. Everybody. Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode. If you enjoyed the episode, please rate the podcast and hit the follow button and join us every week for a new episode. Once again, thank you so much to this week's sponsor, and a reminder that you too can sponsor an episode of the podcast email rabbi chernoff@gmail.com. For more info or to share any thoughts, comments, or feedback on this week's episode. See you in the next one.