10. Guilt-Free Guide to Handling Family Heirlooms

Letting Go or Holding On – How to Handle Family Heirlooms

What do you do when every item has a story? Family heirlooms carry history, meaning, and emotions, making them some of the hardest things to part with during downsizing. Whether you're sorting through a loved one’s belongings or deciding what to keep for future generations, this process can be overwhelming.

In This Episode, We Cover:

• How to decide which heirlooms to keep, pass down, or let go
• Ways to honor family history without keeping everything
• What to do when family members disagree over sentimental items
• Creative ideas for repurposing and preserving heirlooms
• How to handle the emotions that come with sorting through family belongings

Key Questions We Answer:

• How do I know which heirlooms are worth keeping?
• What should I do with items no one in the family wants?
• How can I prevent guilt when letting go of sentimental objects?
• What’s the best way to preserve family stories tied to heirlooms?
• How do I fairly divide items among family members?

Why You Should Listen:

• Gain practical tips for sorting, storing, and passing down family treasures
• Learn how to let go without guilt while still honoring family memories
• Discover ways to repurpose heirlooms into meaningful keepsakes

Sorting through heirlooms doesn’t have to be stressful. Listen in for expert advice on keeping what matters and letting go with confidence.

🎧 Listen now and take control of your family’s legacy!

#FamilyHeirlooms #Decluttering #SentimentalItems #Downsizing #OrganizingMemories #SimplifyYourLife #LettingGo #EstatePlanning #DownsizingRoadmap

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Transcript

Jodi Rosko 0:01

Welcome back to another episode of the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast with your hosts Jodi Roscoe and Heather Fisher. We're talking about all things downsizing, from our own experiences with clients to guest experts. Let's make downsizing easier, one conversation at a time. Hello, welcome to Downsizing Roadmap. I'm Jody Roscoe. I'm Heather Fisher. And today we're going to talk about family heirlooms and how to handle those without guilt. Guilt is not a gift. Guilt is not a gift. Right. Lots to dive into there. Lots to dive into today.

Heather Fisher 0:34

I'm so excited. It's our tenth, our tenth episode. Yes. I can't even believe that 10 have gone by already. We've been having so much fun. So we hope all of you guys are enjoying it and getting lots of good info and we're excited to dive in some more today.

Jodi Rosko 0:48

Yeah, check us out on our Facebook page, Downsizing Roadmap. If you have questions, post them there and we'll answer them. Yeah, absolutely. So family heirlooms, it's a big one. We have a when we teach our class, we have a list of things that are hard. And we'll delve into all of them. But one of them is heirlooms. People get stuck on these a lot.

Heather Fisher 1:08

Yeah, and all of the items on the hard list, I think people are stuck on them, not because of the odd objects themselves, but because of the emotion around them. Right.

Jodi Rosko 1:19

So we're going to talk about why it's a little bit of an emotional struggle. My grandma, um, when she passed away, she left me her teacups and she had like 50 of them. And um my kids actually did go and have high tea with her all the time. My mom loved that and my grandma loved that, and they would make tea and they would pick out their favorite teacups, and so uh taking them all seemed like a lot. Um, but we were able to pick up out our favorite ones and and use those now when we have tea and think about her. And so uh you can take pieces of it. So that's something to think about, taking pieces of it. So we'll talk about all of that, the psychology of why it's hard, a little bit of science, and then what we can do to creatively honor them. Yeah. The heirlooms. And how to handle them if we just they're unwanted.

Heather Fisher 2:10

So yes, and determining what is actually heirlooms that need big decisions around and what could maybe be let go of to leave room to honor a few heirlooms.

Jodi Rosko 2:22

Yeah. So scientifically, um, objects uh act as memory anchors for us. So when we see an object, we're wired to associate those with memories. Like it's not it's science, it's science, guys. So if we actually own something, we are wired to want it more, whether we actually want it or not. Like we are wired to want to keep it just because it's in our orbit, just because we own it.

Heather Fisher 2:47

Yeah, there was a whole study on that. Did you see that? I was doing some research for this episode, and there was a study where they um they had however many people, and they were either had a coffee cup that they were given, uh-huh, and they had to decide how much money they would accept to give away this coffee cup. Okay. Or they were shown a coffee cup and had to decide how much money they would give. They were given money and how much of it would they give away to obtain the coffee cup, or I think there was a third group, it's not coming to me. But it was super interesting because what they found that the group that had just been given this coffee cup, they'd only owned it for minutes, you know, they had been given it, their price to give it away to someone was double what the group that was like how much would you pay for this? It was a range between like 99 cents and $15. And the people, because they were told it was theirs and they had to make a decision to sell it. It was so interesting, the study that they did that once you own it, you near they in the study they doubled the price before they would give it away.

Jodi Rosko 4:03

So crazy. Yeah. Well, and that's why when we talk about cleaning out, um, cleaning out things, we say hold it in your hands and ask yourself, would you buy it again? Like, would you go out and buy it at the store if you needed, you know, do you need it enough that you would go out and buy it?

Heather Fisher 4:20

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And uh and to realize that some of the value you think it holds is just because of that ownership. And, you know, it's tough sometimes, but you have to be realistic on the real um value out in the market for someone to buy something.

Jodi Rosko 4:39

Yeah, yeah. So um I'm just gonna read some science-y things around it. So um uh it's it's called associative memory when we interact with the objects from our past, and they will trigger vivid recollections of people or places, emotions. So you can look at a childhood book and remember your mom reading that to you, or even a t-shirt or holiday decorations are often big. Uh they can invoke really strong nostalgic feelings and attachment. Um, there's multi-sensory encoding, which um items that engage multiple senses, such as like so it's not just looking at it, it's your touch or smell, like people's like clothes smell like them, or things like that. So multi-sensory, all of the things make it deeply more embedded into our memory. Um and with then we have autobiographical memory, which objects serve as physical markers for our personal history. So autobiographical meaning it our history is written and and so that m that thing becomes part of the history. And so instead of like letting that just be in our memories, we actually just associate it with the thing.

Heather Fisher 5:50

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 5:51

And we aren't we're we're not disassociating the memories we have, which we all which we carry inside of us with the thing that is on the outside of us.

Heather Fisher 6:00

Yeah. Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 6:02

So um, and I'm sure I'm sure everybody has things that you know bring back memories. Do you do you have something that brings backs memories for you?

Heather Fisher 6:10

Yeah, I was thinking a lot about this, and I mean my mom is still in the house that I grew up in, so there, you know, my parents have been there gosh 40 45 years-ish, give or take a few. And so I was thinking about that. I haven't had to um let go, you know, it is a bit of a letting go of anything. Yeah, I haven't had to go through that let go, and it is comforting knowing, oh, this is exactly in that spot and this is here, and I know different markers from childhood are there. Um, but I do think um, you know, I've gone through um, you know, losing my grandparents and things, and I have a couple items from my grandparents' house that I've had in now in my house for many years, and it's just, you know, I have one table that was always in the same spot in their kitchen, and um, you know, I've had now had it in my house for many years, and I just like knowing like where it came from, but I don't need to recreate their whole house full of things. Um, so yeah, I do appreciate those those triggers that a memory can bring, but I like when it's not an overwhelming amount of stuff, just little reminders.

Jodi Rosko 7:30

Yeah. Yeah, because you're trying to bring up the stories, right? The stories are what you're trying when you see those things, it brings you back to those vivid memories. And so then and that's what you think. So um one of the things that you need to do is kind of shift your mindset around it and preserve the memory and not necessarily keep the thing, right? So and I was thinking about this. I so my mom had obviously lots and lots of things. Um we've talked about this before, how many things my mom had. And I was thinking about something that I had let go, and I was kind of feeling a little bit like, ugh, you know, I should I have let that go? And then I thought about that and I thought, actually, the reason to have it in the first place is so that it evokes that memory that I was already thinking about. Like I was already having the memory. Yeah. And so I don't need the thing to to have the memory.

Heather Fisher 8:27

Does that it it does? And I I was thinking about this as well. You know, I lost my grandparents when I was relatively young. So I didn't, you know, I wasn't an adult dealing with what you have to deal with when someone passes. And um, you know, my grandma on my dad's side, she passed when I was like seven years old. And I can't think, I was trying to think, you know, my parents might have a few objects or things, but I'm not sh even sure what those are. And so tangibly, I don't have anything from their house. And I was only seven when she passed, but I can still picture like nearly every corner of the house. We went there quite frequently the last few years she was with us, and you know, I do have even at that young age, I do have those memories, but yet I don't I can't think of anything that was was in the house I grew up in all those years that was like, oh, this is from grandma's house, or you know, or all of that. So I think it's so true. It's the memory, and um that's why you want the the heirlooms, but if you let some of them go, the memories do not go right when they're you know what formed you into the person that you are.

Jodi Rosko 9:48

I mean, I'm literally in that same boat. My my grand my great-grandparents, I'm lucky enough to have known six of my eight great-grandparents, which is crazy. Um but my my great-grandma um I'm passed away, I was probably about that same age, and I can still vividly remember their house, and you know, like you said, all the corner, like I can remember their house very vividly, and we didn't even go there that often. It's not like we we lived that close. We visited it here and there. And she also she bought me this Easter dress, the last thing we did, and I c I remember every single moment of it. I remember going into the department store, I remember the dress. You know, it was it had uh little colors sewn, it had a button across the top, and then the button was green with s with the the sewn down green and orange and sewn down orange, and so it and then she bought me patent leather shoes that I was so excited about. And I grew up in California, so I wanted to wear them outside, but it was snowy and they wouldn't let me. But I have like these super vivid memories. I don't have the dress. It's okay. Like it's okay. I still have those great memories around it. So I think if you can kind of change your mindset on preserving that memory and not necessarily preserving the object of it.

Heather Fisher 11:06

Yeah, I at my grandparents, my other grandparents' house uh in Cleveland growing up, when we would go, you know, as kids, they didn't have a lot of toys um unless we brought stuff from home, but they had, you know, like this, they had this Spider-Man puzzle and it was round and it was a round jigsaw puzzle, so I thought it was just the coolest thing. And you know, we I know now that that is at my parents' house. Um and I've never touched it since you know, I loved it every time we went to my grandparents. We did this puzzle and I loved it so much, but since you know it's been at my parents' house, I don't think I've ever seen it out. My kids haven't done it, you know, so it's it's still a treasured memory, but you don't need the puzzle. I don't need the puzzle. Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 11:56

Yeah. Um I have so next next is select key pieces, which is kind of what we were talking about in in s in your mindset. Select key pieces instead of keeping everything. So that's the teacups, right? So keep your favorite ones. That's what we did, um, that best represent that that moment or that person.

Heather Fisher 12:16

And you've talked about that before with your mom's Christmas dishes, and it I would encourage people to feel like if it's collections or large sets of things or a large amount, it's okay to keep a portion of it and really treasure part of it without the burden of a lot.

Jodi Rosko 12:37

Right, right. Um and you can transform items. You can turn them into, you know, take a take t-shirts and turn them into a t-shirt quilt, or you know, do things like that. You can transform them or put some things in a shadow box. My husband's sister has my grand her their grandpa tied fishing flies. And so uh she ha she take her favorite ten of those or whatever and put them into a shadow box. And they're really cool. Fishing flies are really cool and intricate. And so it's an interesting piece to hang on the on the wall, and people will go up and look at it, and you know, you can really appreciate his skill that he had there and not have the whole hobby, all of the things, you know.

Heather Fisher 13:20

I think too in families, um ideas like that are great ways to um honor a a family member and something they enjoyed, but to um spread that so that multiple people could enjoy it. Because, you know, at the time, you know, several shout-out boxes probably could have been made for whoever wanted that, or we've seen um, you know, cookbooks being recreated. I think your family did that, and those can be shared, or if you had um, you know, all of the teacups and there were more family members that all wanted to honor her love of tea, it ways like that are a great way that everybody can um take something to honor that. Um I know my grandparents were antique dealers, and so when they uh my grandpa passed second when they passed, you know, we were all asked as um, you know, grandchildren, and I'm sure my mom and her siblings all did the same, but like what's the one thing that reminds you? And you know, choose one of the antiques or or whatever, and and I have um, you know, a royal Dalton figurine that my grandma I know my grandma loved. She had um, you know, the dancing ladies in all the colors, and I picked the one that I loved best, but it reminds me of her having a full shelf of all of them.

Jodi Rosko 14:45

Yeah.

Heather Fisher 14:45

Um so I think don't also be hesitant to break up collections when you can honor someone across a a larger family.

Jodi Rosko 14:55

Yeah, and it's something that they loved and you loved because they loved it. And it reminds you of their you know, joy around that because they loved it. So um and and that is unique to each person, what that thing is gonna be. And it might not what they think it might be might not be what it actually is for you, right? Right. So you have to be the one who picks it. So um so some some stumbling bock blocks that people have with changing their mindset around it is um you know why we hold on to these things. So guilt, guilt and obligation, right? Yeah. Sometimes it's not that, oh my gosh, we have favorite teacups and it's something it's sometimes it's like, oh, I don't love that thing. And it's been in our house forever and I've never loved it, but now it's mine because I've been, you know, gifted that down, or I have a whole house full of my mom's stuff and I don't know how to sort through it. I think we hear that a lot.

Heather Fisher 15:52

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 15:53

Because people, I think a lot of times they'll need to sell the house or or whatnot, and then they'll be like, okay, well, I can't deal with it because it's too much. And so they just bring it all to their their house and have to sift through it. But then they since they've owned it, now they feel like they need to keep it.

Heather Fisher 16:10

Once it comes in the door, it's harder to go out. Yeah. I think too, um if someone is, you know, needs to make those decisions for themselves, but they're struggling on the mindset, there uh sometimes is that guilt put on other people that, oh, don't you ever get rid of my you know, fill in the blank, whatever it is. That's been in the family for 75 years, don't get rid of that. And uh, you know, in honoring someone else's wishes on that, um yes, you want to honor their wishes, but if it was simply a matter of them delaying the decision, there's a little bit of how can I honor that uh in a way that's not burdening down my life and losing a little guilt of they were pushing their guilt from wherever it came from, just right down the road.

Jodi Rosko 17:06

Yeah, they weren't making the decision they weren't strong enough to say, okay, this doesn't fit in my life because my mom gave it to me, so now I'm gonna give it to you, and you have to you have to carry that.

Heather Fisher 17:18

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 17:19

And I think people sometimes are afraid of just dishonoring the person who gave it to them. Like they want to feel like they've honored their family member and the things they're requests. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a hard one sometimes. Yeah. Because sometimes people request too much a little bit. So that's something to think about for yourself as you're dealing with your own heirlooms for the you know, people that you're gonna give them to. Are you are you requesting too much? Are you pushing too much on them, not letting them choose what what really resonates with them?

Heather Fisher 17:52

Yeah. And and if the opportunity is there, um again, back to sharing those stories about why it's important and that sharing that the moment of hearing about their childhood or something that happened in their life that makes this object important is the valuable memory that would put both of you at peace. So if um you're trying to pass things on back to that, make sure there's a story.

Jodi Rosko 18:21

Yeah.

Heather Fisher 18:22

And if you're the adult child, go talk.

Jodi Rosko 18:25

Talk to them about all the things. Why do you have a curio cabinet full of crystal? What made you love crystal? What made, you know, why is this your collection, whatever that collection is, and tell me about each one. And I think just living l hearing their stories and being able to know them better from a few hours of going through things still still doesn't mean that you need to keep them later. Um, but I think it gives everybody a little bit of you know joy that they they're able to share those stories with each other because that's what's really important.

Heather Fisher 18:59

An afternoon with some lunch and hearing the stories and some patience will be such a treasure treasured memory cherished by both both sides of that. So don't discount that that time can really make it easier.

Jodi Rosko 19:16

Yeah. So if you're feeling like like uh you're dishonoring the person, um you know, we've talked about that. Just it doesn't mean that you're letting go of them. You want just want to keep a little a little piece of it. Another thing is that people objects feel like they they're a stand-in for the person. So people will feel like it's a symbolic stand-in for the person who gave it to us. So that feels like you're keeping part of some someone that you've lost. Um and I understand that, and there may be a few pieces that you can keep that feel like that, you know. Um jewelry is something I feel like if you have something really special that they wore all the time and you wear it now all the time, that that's a little piece of them that but it doesn't need to be the whole house of everything.

Heather Fisher 20:01

Yeah, yeah. I think jewelry uh also, you know, is great because you can wear it all the you know, you'd wear the same thing all the time if it was something they wore daily, but it can really add to those special occasions um to really take a piece of that person with you if it's, you know, an event or a wedding or you know, those other life milestones, you're bringing them along to to enjoy that too in a small way.

Jodi Rosko 20:29

Yeah, my mom had a a necklace that had sea glass in it. My mom loved the ocean and she loved sea glass, and um it wasn't actually something that she wore all the time. My mom was somebody who changed her jewelry all the time. I'm the person who like puts on something and takes it off ten years later. And so but she changed she changed her jewelry all the time. Um but she had this beautiful piece of sea glass that was in a necklace, and it just spoke to me when she passed away and I was going through her things, and I put that on and to for I wore that for a year. And that sea glass you can rub it and it's so soft, and it just really reminded of me of her and it just really connected me to her, even though I know it wasn't her favorite necklace. She had tons of necklaces, but um I don't know, something like that where you you can feel connected to them.

Heather Fisher 21:16

Little at touch stuff, just little little pieces though. Yeah. I love that.

Jodi Rosko 21:21

Yeah. So another people another thing people do is they think they're gonna forget the person. And so they think if they get rid of it, and that's back to the you're not the stories, that's that's back to the stories of what are you gonna forget the stories or not. So um writing down the stories, recording the stories, doing something, taking pictures of the thing, something like that can help you change your mindset around fearing being afraid that you're gonna forget people. But I do we do get that a lot. What if I don't remember that?

Heather Fisher 21:52

Yeah, and I think that um that extra layer serves two purposes because y you can then Maybe not have so much stuff, but you are also preserving the story for someone after you, whereas the item doesn't hold that information. So the item is absolutely just stuff if the story is gone, but none of us know, you know, how long we're gonna be here or if memory issues are going to become a problem for us. And so if you're using a method for retaining the story around something that can be more easily shared down generations to have that information. I mean, even looking back at my own photos, I mean, I am like, which of my daughters is that? You know, with your curly hair, you know, you j you're like, who is in the picture? Who is what was that friend's name from you know, middle school? And at the time it was so vivid. Right. But as time goes by, the all the details of the memories um go. So certainly around objects, if you're not pa putting that in a way that that can be passed down, it doesn't become valuable to someone after you.

Jodi Rosko 23:14

And I think when you were talking earlier, um you were saying that nothing in the house, you know, spoke to you and but you loved that one puzzle and and you had such great memories around the puzzle, and then you haven't really done that in, you know, but I guess what I'm trying to say is your memories are that doesn't mean that they are gonna go or and your kids are gonna have the same memories that you had, is what I'm trying to get to. Right? So I had the I had Nancy Drew books that I loved, loved, loved, loved. And I read them to my nan. She loved reading, and she was one of the people that helped me, you know, foster my love of reading when I was little, and so uh when I came to visit her, we'd always get Nancy Drew books, and I had the whole series of it, and I kept those for um my daughter Maddie. And her experience with those, she like read one or two, and she's like, Yeah, whatever, like it wasn't the same. And and you kind of sometimes want to recreate that for the next people, and it doesn't happen, and it's okay. I'm not upset about it. It just kind of made me think about like our experiences are our experiences. And so if they are if your next generation is not connected to whatever things that you are, they are connected to something else, and that's okay. Like it's okay for us all to have our own experiences and be connected to what we're connected to and let them be connected to what they're connected to.

Heather Fisher 24:40

Yeah, and we've had people ask, you know, how can I, you know, my kids don't want anything, how can I have them, you know, it want these heirlooms, and at some point, you know, they don't have those memories around them, but the best way is to make those important family objects part of their story too. So when we talk about honoring a few small things, if you had things that you had on display that were from family members and so, or you brought out the special platter every Thanksgiving that had been for a couple generations, the platter, whatever it is, if if you are continuing to use it and love it or talk about it or display it so that story is heard over and over, it is more likely that that will be part of your kid's story. Yeah. But if you are taking on, you know, a a bunch of stuff from someone else's life and just putting it in the attic or the garage, and it it definitely will not be part of their story and it'll be just old stuff that they don't want. Yeah, that they don't want. I had the same experience with books. I at some point as an adult when my kids were, you know, preteens or whatever, and at some point I was at my mom's and she gave me a box of my books, uh, assortment of books. I love books too, that I had had at her house. Like, okay, take these, cleaning up the closets. But I had the most enjoyable, you know, like hour of pulling them all out and dig, oh, I remember this, I remember this. And I have gotten, you know, my preteen readers at that time that were, I'm like, oh great, a perfect audience. What do you want? This is this book, you know, just telling them. And they just looked at me like, yeah, those don't look very good. You know, they might I'm not interested. They don't look very interesting. And I'm not sure if they read any of them. They're both big readers too, but no. It was my love of the the those silly books for whatever the way they hit me at the right time in my life, and it's just a whole different thing.

Jodi Rosko 26:56

So And I think that's how life goes. Like you share things and sometimes they hit and sometimes they don't. And that's okay. I think I think too, a huge part of this is just about um expectations and un and un unspoken expectations and things that you think you're supposed to do versus what you actually want to do. And I think there's so much of that in this and in life that we need to just let go of and stop expecting, you know, our kids to want all our stuff or people to want to do this or that exactly like you did. Yeah. Yeah. That's just okay.

Heather Fisher 27:31

Yeah. That is a very good point. Yeah. Expectations are they cause some problems here and there. Of course, they do. Yes, in so many ways.

Jodi Rosko 27:42

So back to for for the fear of forgetting. Again, I think if you can create some kind of process where you keep the stories, um, whether that's a video, whether that's a picture, whether that's, you know, writing a journal, whatever that looks like, keeping the stories of the things is what's more important than keeping the things.

Heather Fisher 28:01

Yes. Yes. Or just having ways to uh uh have them in front of you that aren't burdening uh your environment, that just give you a little passing uh nod to that memory every day.

Jodi Rosko 28:17

And so if you're if you're starting to let go of some things that aren't working for you, uh finding somebody else who loves it um is actually a really great way of of doing of of handling it.

Heather Fisher 28:30

Yeah, I saw a a a way that it was I loved the word choice um in what I was reading. They were talking about the donation impact, and I loved that wording, and it was kind of twofold. Um we've definitely experienced this with clients when um when there's something to donate that is um maybe all one category from a hobby or a career or something. There are so many either people, students, societies, clubs. It is highly likely that you could find somebody that would love, you know, whatever, a collection of books about, you know, airplanes or a train set or um, you know sporting gear or fishing gear towards something, there are going to be other people that love have a passion for that, that it's either so specialized that they need it, or it's just in need, and you're giving someone an opportunity for something maybe they couldn't afford to go get, or it's a club that is just whether it's to be distributed to the members or just used as a club, art supplies, or um, you know, there's collector clubs for everything. I think that that is such a great way to honor that person and know that you're not just putting it in the landfill, you are finding that impact that makes their legacy live on, which is the whole point of what you want to do. And you know, there's historical societies if you feel like the things you have are valuable because of history, you know, military uniforms that are old or something to do with your local town or city. Um, you know, you have family connections here where we live, and you know, there are places that would love to have things connected to that, libraries and things like that. Um so if if you've if you're holding on to things because of that type of value, there's lots of ways to have that donation impact. The other way they looked at it in this article I was reading was about um if you were selling some items that you know you were feeling guilt over selling, to use the proceeds to honor that person by like everything we make from selling all of this will go to this charitable organization that they loved. And so the monetary value is not important, you know, you can go with what the market will give you, but it's just like we know we're gonna have a state sale or garage sale or sell this and use that money to give a donation to honor that person. I love that.

Jodi Rosko 31:32

Or you could use it like um we could go to tea, you know, several times, you know, or something like that. Use that to gather all of the family depending on experience that would they would have loved, or something like that.

Heather Fisher 31:46

A family trip or a family meal or whatever level that ends up being. I loved those ideas because it wasn't just like we're just dismantling this person's life and you know, not doing anything. And I think that that um works n when someone is still here doing that for themselves too. If you're getting hung up on on the value, think of that, you know, dream uh be dreamy about that goal. Like if I get rid of these things, I'm gonna do this with my grandkids, or I'm gonna, you know, earmark what that is, and then you're excited about watching that grow um as you get rid of things. So I loved that.

Jodi Rosko 32:31

I I do love that. I do love that. Um so um we talked about we talked about endowment and and why we want to keep things and um whether we're willing to pay the same price. We talked about that. Um I think uh again back to that mindset. You just are gonna need to change your mindset around uh what needs to happen and uh whether you're really trying to keep that stuff or whether you're just really trying to keep the memories.

Heather Fisher 33:02

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 33:03

And I think most people are just really trying to keep the memories. So uh ask yourself when you're looking at your things as you're cleaning out, do you love them?

Heather Fisher 33:12

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 33:13

Do I love it? Do I use it? Do I have space for it?

Heather Fisher 33:18

Yes.

Jodi Rosko 33:19

Um I gonna put it in a box and nobody's ever gonna see it again? Because then that's that's no good.

Heather Fisher 33:24

Yeah. Another question is um, am I preserving it for someone else? And I read that and I felt like then you need to ask all the same questions. Yeah. Changing it. Do they use it? Will they use it? And you can't stop at that level because I think that last question is a scapegoat. Oh yeah, I'm saving this for my kids, my grandkid. Oh, when they're gonna need this for their apartment, this, whatever. So I think if you're adding that question on, you know, be honest with the answers for yourself. But then if you're using that third question as a, you know, way to get around your answers from the other one, yeah, and delaying that decision, make sure you go right back through the same question, changing it to they, you know, will they love it? Will they use it?

Jodi Rosko 34:17

Yeah. And uh does it have a story? I mean, is it something that somebody just went out and got at Target and now, you know, that it doesn't really have, you know, a lot of significance. They maybe used it, um, but did they are we keeping things I I always say that, like if I go buy something today, does that mean my great granddaughter has to keep it just because I bought it?

Heather Fisher 34:40

I think we talked about this in a a class we did, the design through the decades class. And I was thinking about the point that we had in there. Um, I think it was the invention of the steam engine that changed like furniture and all of that, because at one point it was difficult. You couldn't just go to any, you know, Walmart, IKEA, Target, anywhere, and buy that's right. You know, there weren't furniture stores on every corner. That's right. And so there was a higher, I'm not speaking monetary value, but there was a higher value to the things in your home because they were harder to get, it wasn't an Amazon truck at your door within hours. It was a different a whole different process. And so I understand that mentality carrying on, but at the end of the day, the next generations are living in uh a place where it probably is easier for them to, you know, order something from Amazon or somewhere else than to rent a truck to go to grandma's house to pick up a dresser to get it. But like the whole um ease of getting things for the good or the bad it is much more disposable, and so you have to factor that in.

Jodi Rosko 36:05

Well, and the quality is different, like it's all different, and the mentality is different. So the mentality is more of a throwaway kind of society, which I hope we can change here in the future a little bit because um that's gonna put us in some trouble. But I think and I do think it'll come around. I think I see people repurposing and doing some things with furniture that was really made with you know great quality. But at the moment that's not what we've got. And so yeah.

Heather Fisher 36:34

Yeah, we've got younger people. Um you know, it's shifted a little bit that people aren't setting up a household as early as they were, and so they're not coming from that place of being early 20s and setting up their household and taking you know, grandma's dining table and mom and dad's sofa set because they have nothing that um, you know, whatever has changed, people are setting up that household. What did we just learn? Like the average first-time homebuyer age is now 38. We just heard that stat. And so by the time people are setting up that first household, they have already have um, you know, their incomes are higher, they're they're past that first job, they want it to look a certain way, so they want to buy the things to make it look a certain way. It's a whole different thing.

Jodi Rosko 37:31

It is. So let's talk for a second about how we could creatively display or honor some things. Um so shadow boxes we talked about, um making memory quilts or framing just super specific art. You have a whole box of your kids' art from when they're little, and you're like, oh, what should we do with that? But you know, pick one or two and frame those. I have one um from Ryan that is is a red cardinal with blue and snow, and so I put it up at winter. Like I just put it as I train, you know, change things around. It's kind of like a decoration, but I put it up in the winter and it makes me happy. I love that one. Yeah. So frame a couple of them and let the rest of it go.

Heather Fisher 38:10

Yeah. I my dad um collects uh little wrought iron skillets to thing, and they all have a different design, like souvenir design on the inside, whatever. So he has hundreds. Oh, and um when I was a kid, you know, 70s, 80s, whatever, they were all over the wall at one point, and all all the things that I would not currently decorate with them, but it was super interesting because um, you know, we all just know how much my dad loved collecting them. As I've said, you know, my grandparents were antique dealers, and my parents were involved in that a bit, so they went to a lot of um antique stores and antique shows, and I think for my dad it was the he liked to hunt for something that was the finding something, not the oh, this is pretty or oh, this is valuable. He liked the hunt of it, and so um we all know how much he loves his skillets, and it was so um great a few years ago, I don't know, it's been five or ten years now, and he was like, I'm gonna get out my skillets when you all are here. And he took all of us like one by one, each grandchild on their own, and he had all the skillets laid out, and it was like, pick which ones you know you would like to have, and he he gave them at that time, and so I think all of us have, you know, two, three, four, whatever. And I know my kids and myself, and you know, all of us are like, oh my gosh, I love this, and I will display them, and it will be totally different than you know, the wall of them that you know I grew up with, but it will remind me of that in exactly the same way. I love it. And you know, I know my kids love the ones that they have, so when you can pass it along with that joy of it, it doesn't have to be like you're gonna be able to do it. And they want it too. Yeah, they couldn't wait to for their turn to go in and pick a few.

Jodi Rosko 40:10

So I love that. One more idea for uh creatively honoring and be careful with this one, but you can do kind of an heirloom rotation, so you could display a couple pieces at a time if you don't have a ton of space, but be careful I don't want a whole bunch of boxes like of things.

Heather Fisher 40:26

But that's interesting.

Jodi Rosko 40:27

You know, maybe just like you do for for Christmas, you bring things out and then you put them away. So you could do, you know, some kind of a little rotation, but a little rotation, people.

Heather Fisher 40:39

I would think that that would get back to the the tip we've talked about in other decluttering episodes. But if you've you know root rotated a few times but then you've kind of landed on the one that you love, maybe that's time to let go of the boxes, you know.

Jodi Rosko 40:54

Yeah, if you find yourself not rotating again.

Heather Fisher 40:57

Yeah, maybe that's the sign of this is the one that feels right.

Jodi Rosko 41:00

And or maybe something feels more like spring and something feels more like winter, you know. Yeah. Just a little bit like that. But yes, I agree with that. So um, you know, framing things, repurposing things. So um there's tons of amazing things. You can use, you know, little teacups and put plant. Have you seen the teacups now that they plant with little planters and succulents and succulents. Yeah, just kind of repurpose things a little bit.

Heather Fisher 41:23

Yeah. So I think jewelry, um if you have I mean, there's lots of ways, uh ideas for like costume jewelry that you, you know, makes beautiful art but maybe isn't holding the value. I think also don't forget um if you do have some, you know, jewelry or gemstones that have a little bit more monetary value um and you have the the means to do it, you can have that taken to a jeweler jewel jeweler? Yes, jeweler is saying the word wrong. Um you take that to the jeweler and repurpose it if it's just not a style that fits you, but you love the person it's from, you love that it it you know honors them. Yeah. Um it's fairly simple to have it repurposed from, you know, a ring into a charm for a a necklace or you know, split it up. I think too, that's a way you can split something up into, you know, two daughters, here's two pieces of jewelry from one, or things like that. Um so don't forget those options.

Jodi Rosko 42:28

Yep. So in the end it's really a mindset change, I think, around it and just choosing the things that you love. And some some things to remember, guilt's not a gift, right? We don't need to look at something and feel guilty and terrible about it, you know, not loving it, but keeping it because we just feel like we should. Um so just remember that you're not responsible for for preserving everything. That's not your job to preserve everything. Um just because it's been in the family doesn't mean you have to keep it. Um and I hear I get that that's some heavy guilt in some families, including mine. Um, but it's it's the truth. And you you know, keep the things that you love and let go of the rest of it. Or or if a family member is really pressuring you, ask them if they want it, right? So if they want it, if they tell you they don't want it either, well you know, they don't need to make you you you be the one who has to keep it. So um be front, be up front with your family about what you're keeping and why you're keeping it. Um tell them, you know, which ones resonate with you and why, and if there's things that resonate with them, they should keep those things.

Heather Fisher 43:34

Yeah, absolutely. Good tips.

Jodi Rosko 43:36

Yep. Head on over to um downsizingroadmap.com if you uh need some uh places that we that you can donate or some ideas, additional ideas on what to do with some of your stuff.

Heather Fisher 43:47

Yeah, we would also love your questions or your feedback um on our podcast. So um there on downsizingroadmap.com, just use the contact us and um if there's any questions we can answer for you in future episodes, let us know. Thanks so much for listening. Yes, thank you. Thanks for joining us on the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast. If you found this episode helpful, be sure to subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with someone who might need a little downsizing inspiration. Have questions or ideas for future episodes, reach out to us on our website, www.downsizingroadmap.com. Until next time, let's keep simplifying and moving forward.