33. Downsizing After a Loss: Grief, Healing, and Home

Downsizing is never easy—but when it comes after the loss of a spouse or parent, it can feel almost impossible. In this heartfelt episode, we talk about what it really looks like to downsize in the wake of grief. Whether you're sorting through a loved one’s belongings or facing the emotional decision to leave a shared home, we’re here to guide you with compassion, encouragement, and practical advice.

We’ll cover:

• Why there’s no “right time” to start—just the right time for you
• How to begin sorting belongings without retraumatizing yourself
• Tips for creating healing rituals during the process
• What to do when a home no longer fits the life you’re living
• How to honor their memory without holding onto everything

You are not alone in this. Whether you're early in your grief or further along and still carrying the weight of “stuff,” this episode offers a gentle, honest roadmap to help you move forward.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Visit our website for events, blog posts, and free resources: www.downsizingroadmap.com
  
  
• Reach out for a no-pressure consultation or to get connected with a local downsizing specialist
• Subscribe and share this episode with a friend who might need it

🎧 Listen, feel seen, and take your next step when you’re ready.

If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to leave us a review and Follow our show so you never miss a new episode. We’re here for your downsizing questions — on the podcast, in your community, and when you’re ready to move. As Realtors®, we can connect you with the right specialists to make your next chapter smoother. We’d love to hear from you!

Get connected here ➡️ https://downsizingroadmap.com/help/

Download our FREE Downsizing Guide: https://downsizingroadmap.com/guide/

📧 Email us: info@downsizingroadmap.com

📱 Follow us on social:
     Facebook
     YouTube
🌐 Learn more: www.downsizingroadmap.com

Join our private Facebook group, Downsizing & Decluttering for You or Your Parents | Downsizing Roadmap, where members ask questions and support one another through the process:: https://www.facebook.com/groups/downsizingroadmapcommunity

Let’s simplify, declutter, and create space for your next chapter—together!

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Jodi Rosko 0:01

Welcome back to another episode of the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast with your hosts Jody Roscoe and Heather Fisher. We're talking about all things downsizing, from our own experiences with clients to guest experts. Let's make downsizing easier, one conversation at a time.

Heather Fisher 0:17

Hi, welcome to Downsizing Roadmap. I'm Heather Fisher.

Jodi Rosko 0:20

And I'm Jody Roscoe.

Heather Fisher 0:22

And today we're going to be tackling a topic that we definitely know can be hard. You know, a lot of times downsizing can go hand in hand with other transition periods in our life, and sometimes that is after a loss. A spouse or a parent, a family member, the loss of that person is what's causing the need for downsizing or a change in location. So we're going to talk today about downsizing after a loss, grief and healing, and you know, just how to make that transition to a new home through those phases.

Jodi Rosko 1:01

Yep. Yeah, I mean, I've been through this phase. I've been through that whole thing. So I definitely understand it. And um and it is it is difficult because um downsizing can be challenging no matter what, but then when you add on that level of emotional distress, um it just really it can paralyze you for a little while. And and honestly, part of what we're gonna say is that's okay. Take a minute. You it doesn't have to be, unless you are really crushed for a different reason, sometimes it's better if you just take a minute.

Heather Fisher 1:35

Yeah, I think that um it it circles back to what we hope um for everyone out there listening, is that um, you know, hopefully before you're at this point, you've made some plans and and gotten yourself a little bit ready so that then now you can focus on your grief and and the transition if needed is a little bit easier. Um but we know that that's not always what happens. And um so we're gonna talk through, you know, maybe some strategies and and suggestions and just hopefully some comfort if you're there in the midst of both, you know, grief um for someone that you loved and needing to handle the house, a move, a new location, all of those things at the same time, and how to make sure you take care of yourself through the process.

Jodi Rosko 2:28

Yeah, because it's not just a physical move, it's emotional for sure. Um and then it's maybe a little extra emotional um when you have when you have a loss. So um Yeah.

Heather Fisher 2:38

I think all moves are definitely emotional as realcers. We see that. Yeah. And sometimes it's that exciting change in life emotion of something, you know, bigger, different, better, a new location that you were hoping for, more kids, things like that. Um but from the outside looking in, I think sometimes people forget that a move sometimes can be around you know, mm topics that are not quite the happy emotions, death and divorce and right. We see it all. We do.

Jodi Rosko 3:12

And even even when we moved because we wanted to to a different house, um the kids struggled a little bit in the beginning. It was hard just to just the change itself was hard.

Heather Fisher 3:22

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 3:22

Um and so there everybody's good now. And I think that's something to remember. You know, life kinda goes in waves and sometimes it feels down and it will go back up again. Um and so when you're down in it, sometimes it feels like it's never gonna go back up again, but it will. Yeah, it will.

Heather Fisher 3:41

Yeah. And so in this process, um, you know, the the grief when you're surrounded by all of the familiar things of your current home and or the home of of that person that you loved so much, that that grief can envelop you just to go in the space. For sure.

Jodi Rosko 4:01

Um I did not want to go to my mom's house.

Heather Fisher 4:03

Yeah. I was gonna say I remember, you know, as you were going through that and just to get the home ready to sell, uh all of that. Um, there is a time where it's okay to give yourself, you know, some space and some time or to call in outside resources.

Jodi Rosko 4:21

Yeah, I had some friends that came and helped me, and that was really, really helpful. So we will talk about that as a strategy too. But um, and sometimes you just have to make yourself go. I mean, we took longer than we needed to, just because it's easy to put it off and put it off, and and sometimes it's just hanging over you. So we'll talk we'll kind of talk about, you know, when is it to wait too long, too? So yeah. I was looking up just kind of like the the stages of grief and like when is it a good time, right? To to do it. And so the stages are, you know, denial is number one. Denial and that means you're numb. You feel totally numb, you're in shock, you can't believe this is happening. You might avoid if you live in the house still, you might avoid their room or belongings entirely. You're you're not because you're lazy, you just can't deal. You just cannot deal with that. Your brain's kind of protecting you from that emotional pain. So um that's not a good time to start. Um you just need to uh focus on your basic routine, eating, taking care of yourself, resting. Um, really, it's really about you right then. So unless it's super urgent and something that needs to happen, um, I would say uh give your that give yourself that time in that in denial. Um anger is next, right? Why did this happen? Why did they leave? You can be frustrated, uh frustrated at the situation, frustrated at the person, um and maybe it kind of annoyed with all their stuff because you're feeling like, oh my gosh. And that's also not a good time because you might have some energy around it, but it might not, it might like just clear it all out and not, you know, really thoughtfully think through it.

Heather Fisher 6:12

Yeah. That's maybe a time if you've just got that that anger energy and that need to do something, that might be the time to tackle um not the memory items, not their clothing. It's it's interesting. A lot of times in our downsizing class, we say, you know, clothing is one of the easy items. And when it's your own closet, it definitely is. You're just looking for things that don't fit, things you don't like. It's such a you know th like thoughtless process. You're just looking for those things. But in this in instance, when you're cleaning out someone else's things, um clothing definitely switches to one of the harder, uh may still have the person's smells around it or you know, that worn-in feel and and you're just the memory of them wearing it whenever they were, you know, that it brings back very strong memories and especially the smell of smell of them and it brings back all of that.

Jodi Rosko 7:14

So yeah, um clothes are super hard. Yeah, they go from the super easy to the super hard, depending on which which way you're doing it. Yes. And if you we've talked about this a little bit, you know, we have had clients who honestly have done a lot of their grieving before the loss because, you know, it might have been a long illness or something like that. And if that's the case, this is an okay time because you know, you're feeling ready, you've you've got that energy, you're like, okay, like let's just get on with it and whatever. So just proceed with caution, I guess, in the anger phase. Like sometimes it could be okay and energizing, but be careful that you're not throwing away like all of the things. Um don't make final decisions. Maybe just box some things up, maybe make a little bit more a few more maybe boxes or things like that if you're feeling like that.

Heather Fisher 8:05

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 8:06

Uh number three is bargaining. Like, if I keep this room exactly the same, like maybe this pain will go away. Like, so you know, you've seen those rooms. We we've we've been in houses where oh my gosh, like they just closed the room and it's like they never left.

Heather Fisher 8:21

Yeah, a shrine versus keeping a legacy.

Jodi Rosko 8:25

Yeah. So on that in that phase, you're probably gonna get stuck with what ifs. Like, I mean, I'm what if I keep this? What if I keep this? What if I let it go and I'll be upset? Like, so just kind of trying to cling to things because you're thinking that's what's gonna keep you connected.

Heather Fisher 8:40

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 8:40

And so in that way, you could do something like start a journal or you know, do something along those lines where you're writing memories or or videoing or voice memories or whatever that looks like, so that kind of c helps you separate the stuff from the story. And so remember, stuff's just stuff unless it has a story. And so you kind of can start, and I think that is a way to kind of bring you through some grief, honestly, yeah, to be able to remember those stories.

Heather Fisher 9:11

I would say it's a good time to um try to notice what things you gravitate towards when you're especially missing the person. What are those touchstones that do give you some comfort in the pain? Yes. And those that will be the indications of of what you should keep going forward. Yes. So um, you know, as always, it's never an all or nothing. We're not saying get rid of everything, or you know, it's not possible to keep everything. So those are the the ways you can follow your emotions as to, you know, what shirt or sweater do you want to wrap yourself in to remember them by, or what you know, item in a room do you just love, or you want to start using their favorite coffee cup. Those items that bring you comfort, try to notice those in these stages of grief.

Jodi Rosko 10:09

Yes, for sure. Stage four is depression. So um they're gone and I just feel empty. Like I can't, I feel overwhelmed and really emotionally heavy or empty or whatever. And in this stage, it's it's it's almost like do tiny steps um to get yourself out of this stage, to be honest. Like you just kind of want to it sorting can trigger sadness, but it can also be cathartic. Yeah. You know, it can be a s happy sad or a sad, happy, or whatever level of that. But if you're ready, you know, that can be a way, a path to get past it.

Heather Fisher 10:46

I think productivity um can always help pull us out of uh those uh depressions and and down moments in our life, just accomplishing some small things. Tiny even always just help shift that instead of being settled in that spot for too long.

Jodi Rosko 11:08

Right. So that goes back to when we're always saying, you know, 10 minutes a day or one, you know, small area. So um do that, set a timer if it feels okay. You can keep going if if it doesn't stop, and sometimes just stop, like until it don't wait, don't go until it doesn't feel okay. Just do your 10 or 15 minutes and let it, you know, just just stop like I did it, like you're baby stepping your way forward. Absolutely. And then number five is acceptance. So this they're gone and I'm gonna live with it. And obviously, this is a good ideal stage to do it. Um, you can make decisions from love and not from pain, and you can talk about things and you know, not feel so guilty and be more clear about what's actually happening. You know, we always we're talking about creating that legacy box or that box of memories or whatever, and I think you'll be more able to be more clearly able to do that. Um, but remember, grief doesn't, it's not linear. So like you can be going trucking along and you're feeling like, okay, I'm okay, and I'm accepting and then um the counselor that I talked to after my mom, he called them grief bombs. And you would just be like going along in your day, and then all of a sudden, like you'd hear a song, or you know, some memory for no reason would come into your mind, and you're just like back in like you know, way back in your journey of grief. And so if remember don't give yourself a hard time around that either. So it today could be a day that you can, and tomorrow could be a day that you can't, and that's okay. And to the next day, don't think that's the end of it, right? The next day it'll be okay again. So or as okay as it's gonna be, or whatever that looks like.

Heather Fisher 12:45

Yeah, I mean, time always i heals or eases that pain. Um so when you need time, take it whenever you can. And if if you don't have the the luxury of of taking all of the time you need, then it's definitely the time to pull in friends and family and uh the people that want to support you through your loss. Um the things they can do is to help you through um, you know, these stages and to help you with just some of the things that are required for downsizing, sorting and packing and making decisions on things. Um let some other people do some of the the less hard things.

Jodi Rosko 13:34

Yeah, for sure. Um and to and you don't have to follow any kind of a set timeline um unless you do have to let you know be out. But even still, if that's the case, if you you can pack some boxes and put them somewhere um where you if there's things that you just cannot make decisions on. But don't be like I should be ready by now, or you know, people will say things that they mean well, but like, you know, you should you're good, you should be over it, you know, like things that they they shouldn't say.

Heather Fisher 14:03

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 14:04

Um but um there's no shame in waiting until you're ready and emotionally and you're feeling steady enough to do it. Um I think w the AARP said 68% of widowers wait a year.

Heather Fisher 14:17

Yeah. Which uh for uh various life changes, you you just need that time to process and don't make major decisions unless you absolutely have to.

Jodi Rosko 14:30

Yeah, and the year it doesn't mean that you can't move forward at all in that year. You know, but maybe you know, not sell your house quite yet and just just get yourself to a place. Listen to it. Unless, again, you've already processed some of it before it even happened, because that can happen too. So um so signs that you might be ready to start. Um the home is feeling more like a museum than a sanctuary. Like your home is not feeling peaceful, it's feeling just you know, surrounded by things you don't use or don't it's not working for you.

Heather Fisher 15:01

Yeah, I think one of the things that you could start with is as you go through your day-to-day uh routine, still living in the house and doing that, um, you know, make your routine work for you and easy for you. And so, you know, maybe something to start with is toiletries in the bathroom and things like that to clean out so that you can start to go through your day without being visibly reminded at every moment of somebody who's not there going through the routine alongside of you. So you can start to um just change things in a way where there's things are still there, you still have your memories, you have all the things that you loved. It's not a hundred percent change, but you're just starting to make a new routine that's your things that you need, and you're not reminded every minute of the day.

Jodi Rosko 16:08

Yeah. So if the stuff's starting to feel like a burden instead of a comfort, or you're you know imagining yourself somewhere else, you know, you're starting to do that, then that's that's and it comes in waves, but it will it that's giving you an idea that it's time that you can, you know, get started on those things.

Heather Fisher 16:26

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 16:28

Um so starting to do it, honestly, having a friend or a professional um uh is is probably the best. Doing it by yourself is really hard. Um and uh because part of it is the legacy of that person and you will be reminded of lots of things, um then you need to tell the stories and you need somebody to be there to tell the stories. So when you're doing it by yourself, there isn't anybody to tell the stories to.

Heather Fisher 16:58

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 16:59

So having somebody there, uh family, friends, uh a professional person that can help you, anybody there that can listen to the stories is what you need.

Heather Fisher 17:12

Yeah, makes it so much easier to release that item once you've shared the story around it.

Jodi Rosko 17:20

And then set time limits. We've talked about that. You know, set the time limits. Um you can take a pr an approach that's keep, uh, release and share. So keep the items that bring you joy, that bring warmth to you. Release the duplicates or things that you didn't even like. You know there's stuff there that you didn't like.

Heather Fisher 17:40

Now's your chance for the the junk gone. Yes. I think I think in that release, uh, you know, it's worded here things you didn't like, but I I think there's probably major categories of things that um weren't weren't relative to your memories or uh things if they, you know, had hobbies that you weren't involved with and it's just equipment for that, or just you know, y'all lawn and and yard tools that were just there and that's not the the essence of of the person that you're trying to remember in that legacy sense. Um definitely try to find those areas to start with. Um and those will be much easier to gain a little bit of progress.

Jodi Rosko 18:32

Yeah. Yeah, yep. Um but there probably are things that you didn't like that you had to put up with that you don't up to anymore. Yes. Um and then obviously share items that could bring comfort to others, you know, do your kids or your parents, you know, siblings, whoever, um, does anybody want things, their friends um that mean meant something to them?

Heather Fisher 19:43

Yeah, absolutely. That's the one of the first things you should do after deciding you know what you're ready to let go of. Make sure you're not um you know, not asking when someone else might be in an earlier stage of grief and really appreciate some of those items.

Jodi Rosko 20:01

Yeah. I mean cleaning out office, you know, paperwork, office supplies, you know, things like that, the pantry, you know. Things that just aren't as personal. Yeah. Um, and then keep record of those stories as you as you find things and you think about them. Just keep record of those. Whether that's writing it down, whether that's creating a memory box or a scrapbook or a video or a recording, whatever that is.

Heather Fisher 20:31

Yeah. I think we meet a lot of clients that um are struggling on that time frame of when then it's the right time to leave the house and go somewhere else. Um, because where they may have been ready or thinking about it together or or not, that dynamic shifts a little bit. And if you've lived your life with someone in one location for quite a while, you do get that emotion of leaving them behind. This might be a time where you know your adult kids are also in various stages of grief and um where without the loss, they may have seen how practical it was to make a downsizing move, but you're getting a little more pushback because everybody's emotions are in a different place. Um, so we see that a lot, trying to figure out when is the right time and um giving permission to yourself that it's okay, you're still here with a life to live, and you need it to be, you know, easier and safer and work for you and find that new social um aspect that you might be missing, um, you know, to overcome the loneliness you might be feeling in the house. Um, so it's definitely a hard decision for people to get over that hurdle of feeling like they're just leaving that whole memory behind, but you're really not. And if you do it correctly with with you know, honoring that legacy you want to bring forward with you, it's okay.

Jodi Rosko 22:14

I think what you said just now is that you have a life to live is so uh true and so where people get lost. I feel like um we ha a lot of clients that we have had or people that I know um have uh been stuck in that phase of grief where they don't want to let go of anything because it feels like they're going to lose them and the house include included in that, it it feels like they are letting them, you know, go in a way that doesn't feel good. um that it would hurt that it hurts to let go of those things. And I feel like people get really stuck in that stage. They can get through, you know, the anger and all of that, but they just start i clinging, you know, to the house and the things and never really get past it. And um because I don't think they take that step, which we always talk in our five-step process, is step number one is let's be a little dreamy about what our life can look like. And I get that that is very difficult when you have been with somebody for a long time and they're not here and that wasn't your choice. And now your new life has been thrust upon you when you didn't want it and that wasn't the vision for your future. And um getting to a place where you realize you know okay, yes, all of that stinks, but y I do have a life to live and what am I going to do with it? And that is I think that year that I think is really what needs to be focused on before you start cleaning out and moving the stuff is is just accepting which is hard accepting that this is what has happened and you didn't want it to and moving forward.

Heather Fisher 24:05

And remembering that that person that you've lost I mean there was so much love there they would not want you to be sitting in the grief for forever and not moving forward. So it is you know it sounds a hard to say be dreamy about your new life but truly that is what you need to do to move forward is is to imagine what it can look like for um the life that you're here to live. You can't change the loss so how do you move forward enjoy those memories but find the things that that make your life easier and more joyful when you can I think that was my biggest lesson um because I've had a lot of loss in the last few years and and and my biggest lesson about that was that I literally have no control over that.

Jodi Rosko 25:04

I have no control over what that looks like and um but I do have control over my own life. And so accepting it um releases some of the pain. And so pushing back against it keeps you stuck in the pain. And so as as you move forward being able to accept that will get you out of that pain that you don't want to be in in the first place. And so I just do see people get stuck there in that pain and be unable to move forward and it's the acceptance but it and I'm it I'm seeing it like oh just accept it. And I do not believe it's that easy but that is the answer.

Heather Fisher 25:53

Yeah and we've seen clients and and people we know that that have been able to do that and they're thriving in life and we absolutely know that they don't feel any less grief over the loss of the person in their life that is unchanging and all of us that have lost someone that doesn't change. We wish they were here we want that but when they have been able to work through the process get themselves ready to go and then step into the new phase honestly with a little bit of bravery and courage to do that you know maybe do that alone when they weren't planning on doing that alone they when they've jumped in with that I'm gonna go do you know what I want to do right now we see their smiles and we see how they're you know living living a a good life and and that's what we would want for everyone.

Jodi Rosko 26:59

Yeah I mean when my grandma when my nana my grandpa passed away my nana it took her it was a good year but then she went and just dove into all kinds of things book club and you know dosing at a at a museum and all kinds of things just to you know uh change up her life a little bit because it isn't gonna be what you want what you thought it was going to be. It just that is not a future that you get to have anymore. And that stinks and trying to reconcile that is hard but purposefully thinking about what things that you like and that you could spend some time doing um and meeting new people through that she met all kinds of new people through that. So it is it is a choice. It's a choice and what happened probably wasn't a choice. It wasn't a choice. And so that makes you feel a little bit more powerful to be able to control those things when there was stuff that you just couldn't control.

Heather Fisher 28:00

And honestly some something new that you've never done with that person that you've lost is actually a little easier than trying to maintain your exact routine and all of the exact same things but then doing them without your partner.

Jodi Rosko 28:19

That's awful um because you're then you're constantly feeling the missing that oh we did this together we went to this club together we did whatever in the day nowadays too like it's different like and without those people that were there it feels weird. And so we've you know trying to figure out how we're gonna create different traditions that don't you know feel like the missing hole of the tradition that we had you know what I mean it's just uh um so yes all of that you just need to change it because trying to keep it the same without them feels super weird. Yeah very very weird. Absolutely absolutely so when you're thinking about moving you might be ready to move if you can talk about the house um with more love and your loved one with more love than pain. You can kind of imagine yourself in a new space and it doesn't feel like you're betraying someone you you've made peace with your grief even if it's not gone and I mean it may never be gone to be honest. But it can be totally manageable. And you're making the decision for your well-being like yourself not because you're trying to run away from the sadness like you know make sure that you're not doing it like in a kind of knee-jerk reaction of like I just have to get out of here because that's not going to fix it either. That's still avoidance. Yeah it's still not acceptance. Yeah we'll come back to face you soon so if you're feeling numb or indecisive or overwhelmed um and you haven't been able to sort through things um and you're just not ready um see what you can do to you know give yourself a little bit of more a little bit more time and sometimes your family will be pressuring you or finances will be pressuring you and if that's the case you may have to you know figure out how to do it a little bit more quickly but little little at least even just create that habit of a little bit at a time.

Heather Fisher 30:18

Yeah give yourself that emotional space and time even if it's a shorter window due to necessity.

Jodi Rosko 30:25

Yeah ask yourself if you're running from something or if you're running towards something.

Heather Fisher 30:30

Yeah I love that.

Jodi Rosko 30:31

Yeah I love that too and cr figure out what it is you want to be running towards like that's the thing. You know figure out who where you could just one thing just one thing that you could go do that might make you feel you know like you yeah yeah um do you feel peaceful or panicked when you're talking about it so um again I think it's it's a it's an emotional decision not just a physical decision and you'll know as you're moving towards it and hopefully you can have some people in your life who are um supportive of what that looks like yeah I think you want people to walk down the road beside you helping you along not shoving someone shoving you down the road and you know find that that spot and those people that can help you move forward uh because I don't think anybody should should stay not moving forward in ways big or small um and not finding ways to move past the grief and and make the changes they need to um but definitely a mistake to just be pushered pushed into it, pressured into it before you're ready. Yeah and and guilt shouldn't really be playing a part of it. You know there should just be no guilt around it. It's it's what is going to be best for you um or your family you know if if it's if you're an adult child and you're trying to work through this with one of your parents is gone and one is still here and what are we going to do? There there just doesn't need to be guilt around it. It's just making decisions about what is the best thing to do next with you know a lot of the decisions you made before probably were different because there were different circumstances. And so now that the new circumstances are here, what are those good decisions now? So take a fresh look at what the future decisions are.

Heather Fisher 32:32

Yeah I was gonna say if you've if you had a downsizing plan started um you know before the loss happened it is definitely the time to revisit revisit your paperwork revisit your plan revisit where you were thinking of going make sure that all of those things still are the best fit for the new situation.

Jodi Rosko 32:59

Yeah I mean where is it that's gonna make you feel like yourself again or feel you know like it's gonna support healing for you? What what does that place look like? Um about the thing I mean you don't nobody wants to live in a shrine to some you know it it just needs to become something else. And if that house can do that if where you are now can do that that's great. Some people can do that. Some people can't if they just are like this person's here everywhere in every corner and I can't seem to you know find myself in this place.

Heather Fisher 33:35

Yeah yeah I think that um you know sometimes the the grief is um adult children and you know it may maybe their second parent that they've lost or the situation was just the one parent and um so that's another you know that's the situation that you went through when the time is you know a house sitting for a long time and it needs to be sold and uh we see people, we meet people when we're talking about upcoming classes and they're like, oh yeah I have a storage unit of everything from my mom's house or everything from my mom and dad's house is in my basement or my garage.

Jodi Rosko 34:20

So you know these tips for for working through the grief we understand it takes time but there are a lot of resources that can help for the pieces that aren't the memory items and you can you can definitely pare down what you're saving for later to go through at a time when you're uh through the grief further I know for you you know you put a pause on the photos that was a very hard category for you and that like that worked well but you didn't hang on to doing nothing yeah for this long yeah it was like okay I can handle things at different stages got the house sold and now just take some stuff and and sometimes you have to take a lot of stuff if you if you have to go really fast um we see families like you said storage units and this and that and so if that's you and you are still living with that stuff you know hanging around for you um just try to develop that habit you know an 10-15 minutes if it's in your house an hour you know like every weekend if you have to go deal with it but just just work your way through it so because it's weighing on you even if it's in a storage unit somewhere that you're paying for um but it is still weighing on you you know like oh I need to deal with that stuff or it's in the basement and you have to go look through around it and all of the things like or you know attic storage or wherever it is that you might you just know it's there and that you need to be dealing with it. And you ask yourself all this stuff am I keeping this for them or am I keeping it for me? Like because again you know it it you can't you just cannot keep it all forever as a shrine you know kind of a kind of a thing it doesn't allow you to move forward.

Heather Fisher 36:18

Yeah absolutely so if you are someone that's uh going through grief right now um and considering downsizing you know at the same time we're definitely here to help we have helped a lot of people through that and um you know coming up with that strategy is what we would encourage anyone to do. Time frames can be long time frames can be short but there is a path through it and um you know we just really empathize with anyone going through those hard times we've seen it ourselves.

Jodi Rosko 36:52

Yeah I think the path at the end once you've gotten yourself through it is that you'll have a peaceful space and you'll be renewed as a person um being able to breathe and you know give yourself room to breathe and I think able to look on those memories with joy and remembrance and not frustration that you're still overwhelmed. Yeah yeah so good luck if this is you um you can get through it so find it find a friend or some family members and just get started.

Heather Fisher 37:23

Yeah we'll be back next time with some more downsizing advice you can always reach out to us through our website downsizingroadmap.com and we will be back next time.

Jodi Rosko 37:32

See you next time.

Heather Fisher 37:34

Thanks for joining us on the Downsizing Roadmap podcast. If you found this episode helpful be sure to subscribe leave us a review and share it with someone who might need a little downsizing inspiration. Have questions or ideas for future episodes reach out to us on our website www.downsizingroadmap.com. Until next time let's keep simplifying and moving forward.