41. How to Talk to Your Adult Children About Downsizing (Before It’s a Crisis)

Starting the downsizing process is hard—but talking to your adult children about it can feel even harder. What if they resist? What if they worry you’re sick? Or worse, what if they avoid the conversation altogether?

In this episode of the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast, we walk you through exactly how to have honest, calm, and proactive conversations with your adult kids about downsizing— before an emergency forces your hand.

We cover:

• How to start the conversation without alarming your family
• What to say when you have more than one child
• What to do if your kids are out of state—or not offering help
• Scripts and mindset shifts to guide the dialogue
• What success looks like: peace of mind, mutual understanding, and a lighter future

Whether you're ready to move next year or just beginning to think about it, this conversation is one of the most important steps you can take to simplify your next chapter—and protect your kids from unnecessary stress.

🎧 Listen now and get the words, wisdom, and confidence to start the conversation.

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 for resources, workshops, and 1:1 help.

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Let’s simplify, declutter, and create space for your next chapter—together!

Transcript

Jodi Rosko 0:01

Welcome back to another episode of the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast with your hosts Jody Roscoe and Heather Fisher. We're talking about all things downsizing, from our own experiences with clients to guest experts. Let's make downsizing easier, one conversation at a time. Welcome to the Downsizing Road Pet Map Podcast. Today we're going to talk about how to talk to your adult kids about downsizing. And sometimes it's the kids that want to talk to the parents, but sometimes it's the parents that are struggling talking to their kids. So we're going to talk about it that way today. I'm Jody Roscoe. I'm Heather Fisher. And I just think this is we see we see it both ways, right? We see pi we see kids who are like, oh my gosh, my parents, I really feel like they need to move, but we're not, you know, they're not wanting to listen. But we also see adults who are uh, you know, adult uh parents who are saying, like, oh, my adult kids don't want to hear it, they don't want, they they feel like, you're fine, mom, you're fine, and I want to talk about it. And we get lots of people that come to our classes, um, which I love so much, that are forward thinking, and a lot of them are like, we're not ready right yet. We just want to get ready to think about what this is gonna look like, and which is the perfect time to come to the classes, um, and just start thinking about it, and then they need to have some conversations with the people they care about.

Heather Fisher 1:19

Yeah, I think if you've been listening to us at all, you'll know that we really think this is a conversation that um the the earlier you start it, the easier and the better the planning can be. Um it doesn't need to be that last minute crisis, but um, you know, p the the conversation tends to be difficult for various reasons that we'll talk about across generations, and we do see it both ways. But um, you know, if we can give some tips for getting through it and and why the emotions may be the way they are and get to some understanding, it can make things easier.

Jodi Rosko 1:58

Yeah, so we find people um who some some of the people that come to our classes are saying things like, um, we just don't want to leave it all to our kids, which is the best gift ever, I will say, as a kid who got it all left to them. Um and so I really appreciate that, and the kids will appreciate that too. They just don't know it right now. Um and so they they're saying, you know, we don't we just want to uh often the people that are saying that are people who it has been left to them. Yeah. We've had people come up and say, Listen, I had to take care of my mother-in-law's house and I had to take care of my mom's house, and I'm not doing that to my kids.

Heather Fisher 2:34

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 2:35

And so we appreciate that so much because um you shouldn't. You shouldn't do that.

Heather Fisher 2:40

Yeah, I know my mom is definitely in that boat. She dealt with my grandparents' house, um, you know, with my aunt, and it was a big ordeal, and she's always said, I'm not doing that to you kids, and and does a good job of getting um you know the things decluttered. Um, but I think there's a lot of pieces to the conversation that can be difficult.

Jodi Rosko 3:02

Yeah. Yeah. My um my mom was, you know, she just didn't want to talk about it and didn't want to deal with it, and um and I get that, but also it makes for so much more stress when then something happens when you have a diagnosis or something, and I really want to know what she would want, and I don't know it as you know, as the as the kid. And so um having these conversations are just really we just have to both all of us we just have to get over it and and have the conversations. And I think sometimes the kids don't want to because they don't want to believe that their parents are getting older and it feels like that feels scary, or you know, we get we get some of that, you know.

Heather Fisher 3:43

Yeah, and I think that I I mean honestly, I think sometimes the kids want to push off that conversation because it feels overwhelming to them as well. Right. I mean, as adult kids, a lot of times you're you're the manager of that transition um because your parents might need help with it. And so I think the the can gets kicked down the road sometimes because the adult kids are um you know m managing their own household and their own, and they just feel like, oh, yeah, that's a great idea, but let's talk about that later. Right. Gotta go.

Jodi Rosko 4:19

The sandwich generation.

Heather Fisher 4:20

Yes, right? Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 4:21

So the kids and the parents and all the things. Yeah. So I mean the bottom line of this is like we don't wait until our house is on fire to figure out how we're gonna get out of the house, right? And it's just the same thing as this. We don't we don't want to wait until there's a fall or a diagnosis or something bad happens, and then try to make these plans because the plans are already big to begin with, and so we want to make them with as much clarity and you know, peace of mind and all that as we possibly can, and making them out of crisis is possible, but never great.

Heather Fisher 4:53

Yeah, I think that um one way to look at the planning too, kind of like the the choose your own adventure books, that you can have um a a stack of different ideas and plans of what you want. Like we want to live in this home as long as possible. But if this here's the type of place we would want to go, but if that here's the next stage and having that conversation of, you know, we're good for now, but as we see this start to happen, we want, you know, this next thing to happen, you have those layers of plans that are, you know, exactly our name, a roadmap for what's going to happen in the future, what you want to happen.

Jodi Rosko 5:40

And the other thing is the earlier you start deciding or start thinking about it, the more options you're gonna have. Because as things happen, that all of your options kind of narrow down. And so you want to be able to have the most options possible that you can pick from and kind of decide what that looks like. So um in 2023 AARP report showed that 63% of adults 55 and older who had downsized said they wish they had started planning years earlier. And we hear that all the time. Once it's done, we hear, oh my gosh, we should have done this earlier. I wish we would have done it earlier. You know, the doing of it, it can be fun if if you really, you know, embrace it. Um, even though it is it it can be a lot depending on how much you've accumulated and how long you've put off dealing with it. Yeah. But um, but it feels free and and easy at the end, and so that's that's the goal.

Heather Fisher 6:33

So yeah, and it's just about starting that dialogue and um giving yourself time to move towards that decision.

Jodi Rosko 6:41

Yeah, so the reasons that it's hard to bring up, let's talk about that. Um emotional fears, like it, you know, you're afraid your kids are thinking, oh my gosh, they're they're dying and they're not telling me, and they're, you know, they're gonna get worried about that. Um you you might think that that the kids are gonna talk you out of it or try to talk you out of it. And some kids do do that. Um some kids are like, Mom, you can't sell the family home. That's where we have Christmas. And um and so if you're the kid, you need to really think about what your parents are saying and what their life looks like and how how much they have to live in it, and you you know aren't living in it, and what that really looks like. Um or the parents think they're gonna upset the kids by making such a big change. Um so and that may or may not be true. I mean, they may just be thinking that, and the kids aren't feeling like that at all. That just might be in their head. So um uh they uh they don't want to they they might have some guilt around it, right? They don't want to become a burden.

Heather Fisher 7:44

Yeah. I think uh we see a lot of times people are wanting to preserve the family traditions in the home. And I we get that, but there's a lot of other days of the year, like you said, when you're living in it and making sure, you know, that you can make that shift to still hold traditions but make your life manageable.

Jodi Rosko 8:06

And uh you know, since my mom's gone and my grandma both uh, you know, together, that just automatically changed our traditions, you know, because they couldn't be the same. And it actually feels more weird when you try to keep them the same when you if you've moved they you know, you they have moved on to the next phase in them. And um it ta it it feels uh better if you kind of create new traditions around it. And that's okay. That doesn't mean you don't have memories of all the old traditions or they weren't amazing. Um it just it's just life changes as we grow and families change and babies come and people pass away, and you know that's how that all happens. And holding onto it sometimes really tight isn't the best isn't the best plan.

Heather Fisher 8:50

I think there's so many ways to merge um little bits and pieces of traditions into new traditions, and that's really the best way to look at it. Um, you know, that can be in simple small ways. Yeah. Um but then it's evolving too, and being the new traditions for the next generations um that just becomes a woven fabric of your family instead of it has to be exactly this.

Jodi Rosko 9:17

Right. It's a story that continues, not as just a static story, right? Yes. Yeah, I love that. Um cultural pressure. Some parents were raised, you know, they just don't, you're not supposed to ask your kids for help. You're supposed to be the parent. Um they feel they're afraid of appearing weak or incapable. And this kind of took me down a little rabbit hole of a of a another episode that I want to do later about why in in America it's so hard to talk about um about aging, and we we just seem to struggle with it. And other cultures are just different. They don't, they they have different, you know, concepts around aging. And just the just the gist of it, but like I said, we'll do another episode on it.

Heather Fisher 9:59

Well, was Yeah, this is like the hot box of topics intermingling, all the topics we avoid aging, death, and money. Yeah. I mean that's what we avoid as families oftentimes. Right. Um, you know, I'm not sure if that's generational for the time period we're in, or if it's, you know, cultural to America.

Jodi Rosko 10:22

Um but there is some cultural history to it because of our of our fierce independence, that it's it it it comes across in like everybody needs to go and create their life independently, like and so that means that multi-generational homes don't don't really happen in in America. Um and so then we lose a a lot of stuff with not having multi-generational homes, being able to care for and you know, all of so it's it's it's a super interesting topic that we see a lot. And and for uh parents, it means that they feel like if they um tell their kids they might be losing their independence. So like wanting to stay and losing that independence it's is scary to them. Um so just a kind of interesting side topic that that we'll talk about. But we see a lot of that, um, fierce independence and reasons why people don't want to leave or don't want to um talk about it.

Heather Fisher 11:14

Yeah, so if we can get to having the conversation, there really are um a lot of benefits uh that come. The parent uh can feel relieved and not alone. Yeah. Um I think especially in situations where one spouse has already passed, um, you know, when the children can step up and and be that sounding board and that resource, um, that can really be a help for someone who's now navigating decisions on their own. Um the kids can feel included and not blindsided by a decision. Um, you know, sometimes we see that in families and um the adult kids may be feeling like, I don't know why you want to do this all of a sudden.

Jodi Rosko 12:01

Right.

Heather Fisher 12:01

And, you know, from our side, we know that those parents have probably been thinking about it, talking about it amongst themselves, doing research, and it's not sudden. Right. Uh it's usually been years long of starting to dip their toe into thinking about it.

Jodi Rosko 12:20

Um but we have that generation that holds all their cards really close, right? Doesn't talk about money with the kids, doesn't talk about, you know, their plans or whatever. And so the kids do feel like it's like a sudden yeah. Like, wait, what? You know.

Heather Fisher 12:35

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 12:35

Yeah.

Heather Fisher 12:36

So this conversation can can give everyone that time to prepare emotionally and and through all of the tasks.

Jodi Rosko 12:45

Yeah, and they can feel like they it's a shared plan once you kind of talk it through. And there's two two options there, right? Like, is it that you are asking the kids for help and advice, or is it that you're just talking to them about what your plan is, right? And you have to decide what that looks like. But um but either way, we need to to incorporate the people that we care about into what is happening or what we we want to have happen.

Heather Fisher 13:09

Yeah, and in both of those situations, you're truly just asking for their support.

Jodi Rosko 13:14

Yeah, and if the plan is we're gonna talk about it next spring, that's fine. Like, I mean it can be early enough that hey, we're thinking about this, and it doesn't have to be some massive conversation. It can just be like, we're thinking about this, and you know, we're gonna look over the next f you know, year at some places and we're kind of gonna we'll keep you posted. Yeah. You know. So and then the kids can understand what your thought process is, why, you know, whether you want to keep independence, whether you want to simplify your life, whether you know you want to travel more, whatever, your kids will understand what it is that's happening.

Heather Fisher 13:49

Well, that go definitely goes back to our step one of being dreamy. Once you've done that for yourself and and you know why your plan is what it is, because of that dream of what you want your life to look like, sharing that um really can be a help in getting everybody to see what page you're on and being on that same page. So, like, oh, I get it. You are lonely here at home, or you're not feeling safe, or whatever those um reasons that are drawing you to making that downsizing move, make sure you share that dream and the exciting things that you're looking forward to in that next chapter.

Jodi Rosko 14:33

Yes. So that is actually the first thing to do before you even talk to the kids is spend that dreamy time and um write down your why. You know, we've talked about all of this, but um is it health, is it simplifying, is it cost, is it um social? Like, yeah, social, is it your lifestyle, you know, what is it that you, you know, are trying to accomplish with this move? And um that will help you decide where you want to go also what so it all brings clarity to you first, and then being able to bring clarity, you know, to your kids if you're if you're when you're talking to them. So um and and I feel like the more you have thought about it and really laid out what that is and um have some really great thought processes through it, um, then the kids aren't gonna think like this is some whim that is just like, oh gosh, mom's just talking about this or dad's just talking about this. Like they're gonna be like, oh yeah, wow, they really they thought about this. And it just gives you a little bit more credence on what you're saying.

Heather Fisher 15:35

Yeah, yeah.

Jodi Rosko 15:37

If you have more than one kid, don't don't assume that they're all on the same page, right? You have kids maybe that are sentimental and want to keep everything and want you to keep everything, but not at their house. Or um practical kids who are like, Yeah, let's go, let's get it done. Or um disengaged kids who just, you know, that they're like, I don't have time for this.

Heather Fisher 15:57

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 15:58

Yeah, and or you do what you you know, you do you, you know, mom and dad, like whatever, it's it's fine with me, but they're kind of just not not needing to be part of it or in their minds or whatever. So um you know your own kids, you know which who's gonna be like what. And so um just remember they might not agree with you um a hundred percent, but you can at least all come to an an agreement on what it is, like they may, you know, that that everybody will understand at least, even if they don't fully agree.

Heather Fisher 16:27

Yeah. I think it it's important too to be clear on what you're wanting from the conversation. Yeah. You know, are you wanting help or are you just wanting to share? And yeah, um, you know, what are you asking for makes it easier for them to know how to respond and what you need.

Jodi Rosko 16:46

Yeah. Um unless the unless you have a child that really wants to be the point person and you feel like you need help, and um be careful assigning them that without like having a conversation with them because you know um if you think about your kids, there's always the one that you think is gonna handle it. Um and so, but have a ha have a conversation around that instead of just saying you need to handle this now, right? Like, yeah, right.

Heather Fisher 17:11

And I think knowing um, you know, I am one of three kids and I have three kids, so I have got like that triangle dynamic in several places, and and I think that there's different parts of it that um you know, between me and my siblings that we handle differently, and um not any one of us would do it best alone. Yeah but knowing the the wheelhouse of who can help with which piece, you know, sometimes that's location or you know, physical strength or you know, knowledge base on different topics. Um, the same with my own kids. If you're all working together as a team and come out of this conversation all together, um, you can accomplish it much easier.

Jodi Rosko 17:59

Yeah. Um you can do this at a family dinner or or you can have a big call, or if people are out of town, um, you can, you know, follow up one on one later and dig deeper with it. So it just doesn't have to be a whole thing, you know. It can just you can just kind of start bringing it up early.

Heather Fisher 18:18

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 18:19

But then once you really do kind of have a plan of what you're thinking, you know, talk through that whole plan. Uh, kids need to know what you want to have happen with your stuff, what you want your legacy to look like, you know, what you want your day-to-day to look like so that they can help support whatever that whatever that is.

Heather Fisher 18:36

Yeah, absolutely. I think there's lots of um small opportunities too to um not be the intermediary between information, if there's pieces that they're confused about or not understanding, um, you know, invite them to a tour of you know, where you're thinking of living, if that's a community, or invite them, you know, on the appointment with an estate attorney, you know, an elder law attorney, or your estate planner, or your financial person if you're comfortable with that, and that would be helpful for them to understand that um, you know, here's how you got to the decision that you did.

Jodi Rosko 19:17

Yeah. Yeah, I think that that telephone game is always hard because everybody asks different questions, right? Everybody has different thought processes. When they hear somebody say something, you know, you might think these questions and your kids might think a totally different line of questioning, and then you'll be telling them about it, and they'll be like, Well, what about this and what about this? And then you won't know. And it's just it, you know, there can be frustration when that happens.

Heather Fisher 19:45

Yeah, and you can definitely be a help to your parent in those appointments if they have questions. Um, you know, some I know from personal experience I've been on some appointments with my mom, and you know, there's a lot of information going back and forth, and if you can be the person to take notes to revisit later, or to, you know, make sure that they're clear on the answers, that can be a huge help.

Jodi Rosko 20:12

So what if your kids don't want to talk? If you if you sort of breach this subject and they say things like, You're fine, you're not ready for that. Don't worry about it right now.

Heather Fisher 20:22

It's all good. All good.

Jodi Rosko 20:23

Yeah. Um I think a way you can respond is I I get that that feels early, that this feels early, but that's exactly why I want to talk about it now. I'm not in a crisis, right? And we're not having a crisis situation. So that means I still have choices about what I'm doing, and I want to just talk about those choices with you. So not it's not urgent, it's not any of those things. And um really what you're hearing from them is their own fears, right? When they're saying those things, those are their fears of, oh my gosh, my parents are getting older, that's really hard to handle, you know, in their own way. And um time marches on, we really don't have any choice about that. And so, um, like I said before, I've learned that um through my experiences that we have very little control over what that looks like. And um and so uh uh if this is what your parents feel like they're ready to do, or if you feel like you're ready to do it, you and your kids, you know, are struggling with that a little bit, just keep doing it anyway. It's okay. Like it's just move forward um because you know when your right timing is and um you'll be able to get through to them later if that's if that if that's what needs to happen. They need a slow roll into it.

Heather Fisher 21:37

I absolutely love that you're giving our listeners permission like that because I do I think we can't say that enough. When the time is right for you, march on and do it. You will be happier, and you know, so will will your kids, so will the people around you, because they will know that you're safe and taken care of and that you're Happy and then you know, uh you've avoided that crisis and you um are just settled and then you all can enjoy just each other and life.

Jodi Rosko 22:11

Yeah. Yeah. I mean if you are starting to feel like you need help and you're not getting help, um, sometimes that's uh because um as kids you you aren't asking for it, so we aren't looking for it. You know, I can say that from the other side. Um and so um, and sometimes you just need to say something like, Hey, I need a little support. This is what I what I need. And and as we're looking forward, so there's all kinds, like you said earlier, there's all kinds of stuff. There's what to do with my stuff, but there might be like, hey, I'm struggling with driving, but I still want to go to the grocery and here and there, like what are we gonna do about that? Or how can we, you know, and maybe there's a service that can help you. I mean, there's all kinds of options. It's not like now your kids have to, you know, drop their whole life and start doing all the things because that's really hard, also. Um, and so most parents don't want that. I hear so often, my kids are busy with and and they are, our lives are very crazy busy right now. Um, and so but how can we still support each other through that? I think that's what the conversation is. How can we support each other through it?

Heather Fisher 23:16

I think the most, you know, m my parents, um, you know, when I've gone to my mom's and said, I'm coming over, you know, on a Saturday, what can I do to help make a list? And the days that I show up and she has three or four or five things on the list, you know, small thing that not major things, and I know that it is a help and I know exactly what to do, you know, fix the printer and do this and help get this back in the basement. And I know I'm being a help, and that is a great way to operate because I think a lot of us as adult kids were like, How can I help? Oh, I'm fine, and you feel guilty because you're not helping, but you don't know what to do. And so being very clear on just the tasks, it it's a lot less of a big deal on someone's schedule and on getting it done. And it just takes the emotions out. Okay, we've got these things done, let's have lunch, and it's yeah.

Jodi Rosko 24:19

I mean, and in all transparency, um, this was a place where my mom and I failed. Um, we genuinely failed to communicate with each other on um how we could help uh each other, you know, move through. And we started with the crisis. Um and we went, you know, we we just didn't get ourselves into that place that we needed to be. And, you know, she had things that needed to be done, um, and I wanted to do them, but she didn't want me to do them because, you know, she was the parent and I was the kid, and it was just this whole bunch of stuff that we weren't um able to communicate through. Um, and part of that is probably the crisis that was in the middle of it all. And so I would just say just do your best to start early and talk through it and um figure out if you're emotional about it, figure out why and figure out how you can get through that part um uh so you can support each other. Because we just we didn't get there, unfortunately, and I hate that about it, but I can't change it.

Heather Fisher 25:22

But yeah, I know you've learned so much from everything you went through and are able to share that. And I do think it was just you know, more of a a crisis situation and that amplified all of the emotions. Um you know, but like you said, starting early and and doing that ahead of time, you can get into, you know, a routine that works well. And I feel like if you are the one wanting to accomplish this and your kids just aren't really um you know, stepping up and being helpful when you need them to, but are also saying, No, I will help you, you know, and it but it's just falling short and not getting done. I I think it's okay. There's lots of reasons for that, but maybe just say, Okay, I have, you know, this person that's gonna mow the lawn once a week, or if you want to do it before Thursday, and you just if they do and they uh you know take that as the sign, like, oh, I really need to do this, or you just move forward and you know, have someone else do it. There's a lot of outside resources that can just accomplish it, and then you can work through just the emotions around it.

Jodi Rosko 26:40

I think it kind of relates to, you know, when something bad happens to somebody, if somebody, you know, something that passes away or something, and you're like, oh, I I want to help that person, and then you say to them, I'm here if you need me, but they don't know what, you know, there is no specificity to that, and they don't know what they need. And sometimes we're in that place. Like they you, you know, we don't know what we need, but we just know we need something. So the more clear you can get, the more clarity you can get around what it is that you do need and w who might need to be able to do that for you is is is going to get it done. There's kind of the vague, like, sure, I'll help you. Okay, yeah, I need help. Like that isn't anything, right? We just need d I need, you know, groceries on Thursdays. Yeah. And whether they, you know, click it from Kroger and have it delivered, or whether they go shopping for whatever that looks like, you know.

Heather Fisher 27:32

I think we talked about that a bit um when we had Mark Healy on the driving with dignity episode. And, you know, and that family plan, that's exactly what you're saying. It feels overwhelming to those around you if it's just like, well, I'm not comfortable driving anymore, or I'm not comfortable taking care of the lawn anymore, whatever that is. But when you're very specific, um, you know, in that episode we talked about the family can always find solutions and rally around you if it's like you said, the thing my priorities are getting to my Tuesday lunch and you know, having the yard mulched once a year. Like that is so much easier to accomplish than just it's getting hard.

Jodi Rosko 28:18

I need help. Right, right. So that's why the conversation is so important, honestly. And and the combination the conversation needs to eventually get into the nitty-gritty of like, this is what needs to happen, or this is what I want to have happen with my things, or this is, you know, my where all of our finances are, and now you you know, you know where it is, it's a book that we keep with, you know, or files that we keep with the info, like just all, and it will just give you peace of mind, and honestly, it will give them so much peace of mind as well. So um I would say, you know, just get on to talking about it. Um if your kids live out of state, um you can you can do a video call. Um, you could do, you could, you know, take them with you on a little virtual tour if you're going somewhere, if they want to be part of it. Um and so you can kinda either are ways to help them be part of it, or maybe they come uh they come in for a little while and just, you know, you guys kind of hash it out while what when they visit. But um out of state doesn't mean that they aren't interested in helping or aren't interested just because of the distance. It's just it's just that they're far, so they're you're gonna have to find other ways to include them.

Heather Fisher 29:25

Yeah, absolutely. And planning ahead when you know they're coming into town, don't wait till they're here to say, Oh, I want to, you know, go on a tour, and then you can't get it, it just kind of feels very um haphazard, and everyone's left feeling like, wait, what's going on?

Jodi Rosko 29:44

They they like they got it sprung on them.

Heather Fisher 29:46

Sprung on them, and you might not be able to get things scheduled, and it just ends up feeling um like, oh, this is not well thought out. Um, so start early on planning that as well.

Jodi Rosko 29:57

Yeah, and you can break it into topics, like you can um you can do it over time, like you could just have one conversation at a time. So one conversation can be like, you know, about your future home goals. Like, um, if I were to move, here's what I would want. You know, I would want a one story with less maintenance, and I only need two bedrooms or three bedrooms, or you know, I want it to be closer to my friends, or closer to my church, or closer to my kids, or you know, like whatever that is. Like what would that look like? So there's a there's a one little conversation all in of itself.

Heather Fisher 30:28

Yeah. So another conversation would be what you want to prevent. So that is like, I don't want you to be stuck making decisions if I'm ever in the hospital.

Jodi Rosko 30:40

Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep. I don't want you, you know, to be a burden. I don't, you know, whatever those things are. Um, what are you gonna do with your stuff? There's a whole conversation. Um and you know we have lots of lots of uh podcasts on what to do with your stuff, and we'll keep making them, but um, you know, is there anything of of mind that you want? Ask them that. Um, and don't be upset if there's not a ton of things that they want. Um and you know, we've talked a lot about the stories behind the things and all of that. So go listen to a couple of the other podcasts when we're talking about that. But that can be a whole conversation of what are we gonna do with with my stuff and what legacy, you know, is around that.

Heather Fisher 31:22

I do feel like we um, you know, always say the kids aren't gonna want much and all of that. And that's all true. Um, but I think that question up front, before you start getting rid of, you know, if we've motivated you and you are like, I have cleaned out three rooms and the basement and the attic, the kids will feel that same emotion if they weren't asked of like, oh my gosh, what just happened? I wanted it all. Even they don't. Well, but just being able to process that question and tell you But there might be specific things that they have always wanted that they never told you. Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 32:01

And so before you start, definitely, definitely ask them. And if those are things that are in the attic or the basement or the storage area or whatever, give them now. Just give them to them.

Heather Fisher 32:12

Yeah, yeah. And then everybody's on the same page and nobody's feeling like, oh my gosh, you threw away, you know, all of my memories. Right. You're just on the same page from the start.

Jodi Rosko 32:24

Another conversation would be um what kind of support you might need over the time. So is it driving, is it yard work, is it help with your paperwork or paying your bills or getting you to the doctor? What what what kind of help might you need um and then who can do that?

Heather Fisher 32:39

Yeah, and then probably the last conversation is your finances and your documents, just letting them know that it's organized and here's where it is, and and here's what you need if we do get to that crisis, um, here's everything organized, which is a huge gift you can give to your adult kids.

Jodi Rosko 32:59

I cannot say that enough. I cannot say it enough times. Yeah. Uh do that.

Heather Fisher 33:03

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 33:05

Um so um your takeaways on this is that the conversation is a gift. You know, it's a gift to your family, um, not a burden. You're you're trying to communicate what you're looking forward, and you've been all dreamy and you've thought about what that future is gonna look like and you're excited about it, and now you're just excited to share that with them and figure out what that's gonna look like.

Heather Fisher 33:26

Yeah, absolutely. And everybody moves forward feeling lighter, feeling like there's a plan and having some action to get, you know, you there.

Jodi Rosko 33:36

Yeah, you're not saying like, hey, I I want to move and you need to do everything about it. That's not the conversation. The conversation is, you know, walk with me as I plan, you know, what what we're doing next, and you know, maybe you're a collaborative person and you just really want to talk it out with all the kids, and maybe you're not, maybe you're like, hey, here's what the plan is, and I just want you to know, you know, but whatever, whatever that looks like, um, you're giving them, you know, permission to talk about aging, to talk about whatever concerns they might have, um, confidence that they're gonna honor your wishes, what and they'll know what they are, um, and and be able to honor them, and that will give them so much peace of mind when the time comes that they need to do that. So much peace of mind. Um and and a future that's just they're not guessing. They're not just guessing what's happening. Um, you know, it gives them grace to to be able to make those decisions knowing what you wanted and um feel good about it.

Heather Fisher 34:34

Yeah, and if you've started with that dream and uh chosen something that brings you peace and excitement, they can feel that too. And sometimes all the support you need is, oh, I'm excited for you too, mom or dad. And you know, then you just move forward and do it.

Jodi Rosko 34:52

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sometimes the hardest conversations are the ones, you know, that bring the most peace in the end, you know, the ones that you're afraid to have, the ones that seem overwhelming. Um, once you get through it, it's like okay.

Heather Fisher 35:05

Wasn't as bad as we thought it was gonna be.

Jodi Rosko 35:08

Right.

Heather Fisher 35:08

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 35:09

So if a move is in your plans, once you've gotten all dreamy, um, make sure you reach out to us. We have a great network of agents all over the country or us, if you're local to the Dayton area, um, reach out to us for for that move.

Heather Fisher 35:22

And um downsizingroadmap.com, you can reach out to us through there, and we're excited to help you with the process. Bye. Talk to you next time. Bye. Thanks for joining us on the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast. If you found this episode helpful, be sure to subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with someone who might need a little downsizing inspiration. Have questions or ideas for future episodes? Reach out to us on our website, www.downsizingroadmap.com. Until next time, let's keep simplifying and moving forward.