66. The 4 Personality Patterns Behind Most Downsizing Disagreements

Why do some couples seem to move through downsizing decisions together, while others keep getting stuck in the same arguments about timing, possessions, or whether a move should happen at all?

In this episode, we unpack four personality patterns that often sit underneath downsizing disagreements. You may recognize yourself as the Visionary, the Stabilizer, the Fast Mover, the Slow Processor, the Minimalist, or the Keeper. More importantly, you may begin to see why conflict around downsizing is often less about the house and more about how two people process change differently.

We also share practical ways to reduce tension, have better conversations, and move forward when you are not on the same page yet.

If you have been circling the same downsizing conversations with your spouse without resolution, this episode offers a framework that can help you understand what may really be going on.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  The four personality patterns behind many downsizing disagreements 
•  Why conflict is often about pace, identity, or fear, not just the house 
•  A practical framework for talking when you are far apart on timing 
•  How to work through disagreements about space, stuff, and the next chapter 
•  Ways to create progress without forcing one person to “lose” 

If someone you know is having these conversations right now, share this episode with them.

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Transcript

Jodi Rosko 0:01

Welcome back to another episode of the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast with your hosts Jody Roscoe and Heather Fisher. We're talking about all things downsizing, from our own experiences with clients to guest experts. Let's make downsizing easier, one conversation at a time.

Heather Fisher 0:17

Hi, welcome to Downsizing Roadmap Podcast. We've got a good one today. We're talking the four personality patterns behind most downsizing disagreements.

Jodi Rosko 0:29

Yeah, you marry somebody who's not exactly like you sometimes, and then the good and the bad opposites attract.

Heather Fisher 0:37

And then they buttheads. Right.

Jodi Rosko 0:40

Then there might be a little friction. Yeah. Yeah. So neither one is right or wrong, even though you think you're the one who's right. I totally get that. Yeah. But um, but just understanding each other, understanding where that's coming from, and you know, what we can do to maybe mitigate some of that. So I'm Jody Roscoe. I'm Heather Fisher. Yeah, so um, you know, disagreements don't mean like, you know, you can't come to the right, you know, the same place or that somebody's right and somebody's wrong, even though sometimes you feel like that might be the case. Um it just might mean that, you know, your personalities are different and you're approaching it from different ways. And so um, how can you better understand each other?

Heather Fisher 1:19

Yeah, I think um I was gonna say the same thing though about the approach. Sometimes you are going to the same destination, but you don't even realize it. You feel like you're on totally different paths because um your personalities approach things.

Jodi Rosko 1:34

Well, and you're maybe stuck on like the minutiae of something or you know, like the actual what's the you know what's gonna happen. Yeah, you know, you might have somebody who's so, you know, it's fine, and somebody who's like, no, I need to know the plan. Maybe that's me and Heather. Let's talk logistics here. It'll be good. It'll be good. So yeah, so um, yeah, so so I think it's just it's not it's never about the stuff. It's not about the stuff. Yeah. It's just about maybe concerns or fears or you know how less logistically things happen. And so let's kind of just talk through what that could look like.

Heather Fisher 2:10

Yeah, some of the um times when we see these personality patterns um causing disagreement. Here's some good examples. Uh the visionary versus the stabilizer. Um the visionary is like looking way forward and Oh my gosh, we could do this, we could travel, we could it's gonna be so amazing. So great, right?

Jodi Rosko 2:32

And then the stabilizer is like Wait, exactly how's that happening?

Heather Fisher 2:36

Yes. Sounds so familiar. But the stabilizer just wants that I don't, you know, they're the people that maybe don't like change as much and are not excited by everything being thrown on its end and being different and new and exciting. They want stability, they want constant, they want their routine. And so while they might find that happiness in that next plan, they need to know that the stability is still there underneath.

Jodi Rosko 3:06

Yep. Yeah, and the visionary is feeling so excited, and then that makes them feel a little deflated, you know, like that there's you know, pushback of that. Which doesn't mean honestly, that the stabilizer person doesn't really want that in the future. Understand that, you know, yes, that would be great, and yes, I don't want to take care of the yard anymore, or whatever it is, like it's all too much. But the logistics of getting there, you know, cause cause the friction there. Yeah. Because the visionary is not thinking about that.

Heather Fisher 3:36

Yeah, absolutely. And so together, again, reasons why opposites attract, together, that is a good team. It's just realizing the approach differently and working on each other with each other's strengths to get there. So we'll talk about how to do that with some of these um other scenarios. So another one, the fast mover versus the slow processor. Yep, the one who makes quick decisions, ready to go. Let's go, let's go.

Jodi Rosko 4:04

We don't need to think about all the details.

Heather Fisher 4:06

This is the person that might wake up on a Saturday morning and think, wouldn't it be nice if the living room was green and they're already in the car on the way to, you know, the big box store to get the can of paint and they're ready, and the other person's like, wait, wait, where's my coffee? Do we need to evaluate blue versus green versus beige versus white? How about we keep it how it is, you know? That seems like a lot. Yes. So different pace, um, you know, different ways of getting to the same decision. They need to think through the details a little bit more where um, you know, other people can just be like, yeah, that sounds good. Let's go. Yeah. Um, so meeting in the middle there.

Jodi Rosko 4:52

Yeah, the minimal minimalist versus the keeper. Yeah. We we see this so much when we do our downsizing classes. Somebody keeps all the stuff and somebody wants to throw it all away. Yeah. And usually they're at the table discussing that, how like I need to throw your stuff away, and they're like, leave my stuff alone.

Heather Fisher 5:10

Yes. Don't call my stuff junk. Right. Yeah. So uh people are like this. Some people are savers and they have their reasons. We've talked about that in other episodes, but they're just savers, and it's harder to see that it's okay to let go. Um, and other people let go of their own stuff ages ago. And so they have even less care and sentimentality towards the other person's stuff. Right. So you're kind of on their radar. They they're coming for those piles, theirs are done, handled.

Jodi Rosko 5:50

Your piles make them crazy.

Heather Fisher 5:51

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 5:52

Yeah.

Heather Fisher 5:52

Yeah. So that's another mismatch a little bit. Um, the last one we can talk about uh is the this is urgent partner versus the ah, this is optional. So, you know, we get to that stage in life where we're thinking, okay, we should probably think about downsizing. That's going to be something we need to think about in the future. And one person might be thinking about that all the time, even if it's years ahead, like we need a plan. We need to know what we're gonna do. And someone else might be just a more carefree, like, oh, we'll get to that one day, we'll figure it out.

Jodi Rosko 6:31

Yeah, I think it's the, you know, I need a plan person versus the we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Like, it's fine, we don't need a plan. And there are, you know, if either way what your personality is, like you're so set in it that it like literally does not bother the person who's like, hey, we'll figure it out later. When we get there, it's totally fine. And the person who's a planner is like freaking out because they don't have the plan. And they need to have the plan, even if it's not gonna happen, even they need to have plans for things that might not ever happen. And then they need to have plans for things that they need to have a plan for when you're going to make the plan. Let me just tell you. This is this is the people that that some of us are. Right. So guess which ones we are. I am not carefree. Let's just be on the phone. I'm not a planner. But we do work really, really well together. Um, I do think like we do, right? So but because I think we um appreciate that about each other, right? So we appreciate the visionary kind of, oh, we could do all of these things, and then I appreciate the fact that she's like, Yeah, but how like, you know, let's logistically walk through this, right? And so, you know, whoever you've got, I mean, I'm sure this if you have, you know, most of you are probably have been together quite a while. And so you're probably not confused about who that person is. It's just putting this in the lens, okay, now downsizing is in that lens of who they have always been, right? And so how can you look at it through that lens and figure out who's what what are each of your strengths in e in those ways, and how can each of the strength person, you know, do the part that they can do and make the other person feel better.

Heather Fisher 8:13

Yeah, yeah. These are not personality patterns that you have not seen in your relationship before. You know who you are.

Jodi Rosko 8:20

As you're listening, you're like, I know which one I am.

Heather Fisher 8:22

And you have named your s which one your spouse is. Correct. Your partner is, for sure. Yes. Yeah. So um I think the first thing to consider in any of these is what is the disagreement or the conflict really about. Um it's rarely about whatever surface level disagreement or bickering or procrastination, whatever's happening, um, it's rarely about that. So understanding going back to that personality type that your partner might be can give you some clues as to where it might be stemming from, and you can move past, you know, you're arguing about, you know, I don't want to get rid of this gum wrapper we talk about. And y, you know, move past that and think, okay, are they feeling stable enough in this plan? If we talk about the logistics and understand what's next a little bit further, will they be more comfortable letting go of this collection and and just addressing, you know, what's really causing the friction versus what uh the argument might appear to be?

Jodi Rosko 9:41

And I I think a lot of it is probably fear. And I think uh if you're looking at it like um, you know, this is urgent versus this is optional or any of those things, you know, fast mover versus slow mover, I think that they're both they just r uh react to the fear differently, right? So if it's a fast mover versus a slow mover, the fast mover is like, oh my gosh, like I'm struggling to get up the steps and you know, what if this turns out like worse? We've gotta go, we've gotta get this done, we've gotta whatever. And the slow processor might think the same thing. They're afraid, but they're afraid of different things, right? They're afraid like what's that future gonna look like and where are we gonna go and how are we gonna get there? And so it's all fear, it's just which things are they worried about and you know how are they gonna get to the place that they need to go. But fear is a huge one, and I think for fear, the the only the only way that you can get through the fear is um finding answers to the questions because if you um if you figure out what that could look like, if you do some research on where you might want to live, if you you know research new areas if it's you're gonna move to a different place in the country, or you know, whatever that looks like, information helps fix the fear, like information. Yeah, whether that's a plan for information or a pl you know pl whatever that is, information will help you feel better because the unknown is really what you're afraid of. You're afraid of, oh my gosh, what if we get to a place where we can't go up the stairs, or oh my gosh, where are we gonna go next? And I don't know what that place is. Still fear, but if you know what the that next step is, then you can get through your fear no matter where it's you know, where it's heading, where you're which one you're looking at.

Heather Fisher 11:24

Yeah, yeah. Um another thing um we see sometimes is the fairness of the load of the responsibility of that next step. Is one person doing all of the logistics, all of the planning, all of the actual physical work, and um, you know, how can that be balanced out to meet your strengths? If you're the visionary, um be the one to take the lead on going to take tours of where you're going next and get excited and and you know, lead with that. And you know, if you're the logistics planner, be the one that's scheduling appointments and you know, maybe handling deciding what you're doing on which weekend and how you're fitting it into your schedule. Lean in, but making sure that you are um, you know, just balancing that load it into your strengths so you're not letting each other down um by agreeing to do something that's not the part that you're gonna succeed at.

Jodi Rosko 12:32

Or I I want to do this, so you're you're gonna have to do it all. I think that we see that sometimes. It's like, oh my gosh, I want to make this change, so this is all on you now. And so, you know, be careful of that. Um because then, you know, that feels unfair, and then that feels like, hey, I'm not doing that. So um sometimes it's it's grief. Like it feels like it's you know, a change that's a loss instead of a change that's exciting. And I think that's a mindset problem, and we talk about mindset in other episodes a lot. Um, and so um but sometimes some people feel like it's a closing of a chapter, and some people are ready for that chapter to close, and some people are not ready for that chapter to close. And you know, some people feel very sentimental about that, and some people feel like, yep, I'm good, I'm I'm past this time frame in my life, I'm ready for the next one. And getting on the same page about that, I think, is something that can help with that grief and turn it into something that's exciting. So um we talk a lot about step number one, which is to be dreamy and really start thinking about where you're gonna go next and what that's gonna buy you. You know, if you decide you want to downsize, what do you what are all the positives that you get from that? And you know, figure out what those are and that can help you come to this come to us the same place together, I think.

Heather Fisher 13:49

Yeah, another um obstacle is sometimes one person is feeling unheard, um, they're just feeling tension because m not only are they not on the same page, but one partner isn't giving the other partner even that's that room to try to get on the same page and have those conversations. So I think step one, um, you know, if you are just in different places with your partner, always starting with conversation to let to understand where each other's at in the process, even if it's not the same place, when you have that understanding and that knowledge of where someone else is coming from, you can give a little bit more space um to get on that same path.

Jodi Rosko 14:37

Yeah, you can you you could together write answer this question, you know, what's the actual fear underneath my resistance? Because the first thing you say isn't it. So if the first thing you say is, well, I don't know what to do with all this stuff. Um it's not about the stuff. It's about, you know, I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose these memories, or I, you know, w what is it that you're actually afraid of? And we something that we do um on our real estate team when we start when we try to figure out what somebody's motivation is for something is we um ask questions three deep, right? So the question is what's my actual fear? And you'll answer it, oh I don't know what to do with my stuff. And then the next question is, well, you know, tell me more about you know how you don't want to what what do you mean? What what are you concerned about with your stuff? And then it might be like, well, you know, I have all of my mom's stuff, it's gonna make me feel guilty, like if I get rid of it. And you know, and you just need to keep going down and you know, what could make you feel better about that, or you know, how much of that do you actually need to keep to not feel guilty? Or what uh, you know, whatever. But dig in deeper to what the actual fear is, and it's not gonna be the first thing you say. It's gonna you know you're gonna have to dig a little bit deeper than that, because the first thing you're gonna say are the easy things, you know. I don't want to move because I'm comfortable here. That's not the problem. You know, the problem is y I feel overwhelmed by this whole process and I can't even imagine doing it. Or, you know, I I don't know what my future is gonna look like and that scares me, so I'm just gonna stay here comfortable, or you know, what that, whatever it is, there's a bigger fear, and so until you get to the place where you almost feel like you want to cry about it, because that's like you know, it's so then that's now how you know you've gotten to the place where you you've uncovered the real fear and then you can address that. And you're you know, you might find that your real fears are the same as your other as your as your partner's fears. It's just outwardly you're saying different things, but when you get to the actual fear of the, you know, at the bottom, it's the same.

Heather Fisher 16:32

Yeah, a good way to um get to that root is talking about just three different parts of the process. You know, the past, here's what this home has meant to me. And so starting there, um, you know, not dismissing everything about that home that you live in, but just really talking about what it's meant to you, um, and then moving on to the present, you know, but here's what feels hard right now, and talking about why it's either not working currently, or how you fear it won't work in the near future, or what you want to make sure works um, you know, for as long as possible. You're talking about the present situation and then moving to the future, you know, here's what I want life to feel like five years from now, and that's back to that dreamy um step, that dream it step. Um, and depending on where you're at, you as one of two people might have to lead one part of the conversation more because you're more excited about the future or you're more sentimental about the past, be the leader, but making sure that your partner feels heard in the part that they need to lead. If you're okay with one of those, don't just skip and go, okay, well, that's fine. It's fine. Yeah. You know, making sure that you're both leading and hearing um in each of those stages will really help you figure out how to move forward.

Jodi Rosko 18:04

Yeah, I mean, you that could go like here's what this home has meant to me. Like we have so many memories of our kids growing up in this house, you know, like this home is comfortable and and I love it, right? But here's what feels hard right now. It's too hard to take care of the yard, it's too hard, you know, to go up the steps, it's just too big, I don't want to, you know, clean it. I just it's too much, right? Um, and then here's what my life could feel like in the future, and you know, envision that smaller space and what you can do with your time, and then you can go back to here's what my home has meant to me, maybe that time that time is done, and you your home has done all the things that it needed to do for you, and your next home can do different new things for you. And so if you go through the process acknowledging all of the things, then sometimes that can just help you get to a forward place.

Heather Fisher 18:51

Yeah, and those conversations lead to some of those mini solutions. Yeah. Like I heard um, you know, you say how much raising the kids in this home meant to you. What if we preserved the growth chart from the back of the door and found a spot for it in the new home? I know that that's one of your favorite things to look at. Or, you know, I hear, you know, how much you loved the time when your, you know, mom lived here with us. How about we preserve these teacups, you know, collection, and then we know that we can get rid of, you know, the closet full of clothes. And you're finding those solutions by knowing what those most treasured items are.

Jodi Rosko 19:39

Yeah. So the red, yellow, green method. So every person um labels their decisions like in, you know, green, I'm ready. I can look at new houses. I'm good, I'm good on that. Um, yellow, mmm, I don't, I'm not ready to look at new houses quite yet. I need this before I can do that. Red, I am totally not interested in this at all. Just to kind of give yourself, you know, the just test the waters of like, hey, how are you feeling about this? And if it's red, then there just needs to be a lot more conversation around, you know, back to the fears. Like we need to kind of go back one more to be like, okay, why is that the case? You know, some people feel like I don't see the reason. Like I don't you, I know you feel like you have these reasons, but I'm not, you know, feeling that, right? Um, and if it's yellow or green, even if it's yellow, that just means I'm concerned or I have caution, right? But there's a there's a path forward in that, and so um that yellow zone's gonna reveal that path forward, you know, way to get some good conversation going around it. So Yeah.

Heather Fisher 20:45

And it gives you a a way to strategize to do, you know, those yellow and and green categories first can move a lot of those red categories more into yellow once you see progress. So if you know you start with, let's clean out all of our photos today, and that's a red category, I'm not ready to do that, but you say, let's um, you know, downsize the garage today, okay, cool, let's do that. You know, you're starting with those easier things that aren't that red light, and you're gaining some progress once you've built that momentum, and then you revisit where are you feeling on that red, yellow, green on some of the ones that were red, you'll notice you know, they have likely changed.

Jodi Rosko 21:34

Yeah, yeah. And once you get started, you do get some momentum, and then you can tackle the things that are harder. So don't try to tackle the hardest things first. Just don't don't do that. That um that will actually stall you longer because then you will just be like, Oh, I can't do any of this. This is just all way too hard. So whatever you think is the easiest thing, start with that.

Heather Fisher 21:56

Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Jodi Rosko 21:58

Um sometimes you just need to um really define who who's in the lead of different parts of it, right? And do that by whatever your wheelhouse is. If you um Heather was saying this earlier, if you're the you know planner, then you're the one who makes you know appointments and makes sure you make the appointments. If you're the visionary, maybe you're on there looking at condos and like what's the next place that you want to go. You know, showing them to the you know the planner who then can make the appointment or whatever. Just figure out what you're good at and which way you can do that. Maybe it's like somebody's good at taking the stuff and who what stays and what goes, you know, maybe somebody's not as good about that. So you just have to make sure um that you're honoring each other to stuff. You don't want to have it be like I'm responsible for all of your stuff to get rid of um and then that person gets upset when you get rid of it. So we can't have like, you know, it can fall into some places that aren't great if you don't if you aren't really working together and understanding each other.

Heather Fisher 22:56

Yeah just always more questions. How can I, you know, help you best through your collection of you know this or that and and just making um some deadlines and some just agreed upon check-ins um and and asking for help but not overbearing and giving help where it might not be maybe some yeah might not be help.

Jodi Rosko 23:21

You know I think we see that sometimes and I think that's a that's like a years of built up frustration um for people who are keepers and people who are not keepers that are in the in a relationship together where the per the person who is the not keeper is the one who wants to deal with all the stuff and basically throw away all the keeper stuff because they think it's all junk. And so somehow sometimes honestly um having a third party come in to help you with that if that's been the dynamic in your life sometimes having a third party come in um to get you started on that is really helpful. Somebody that doesn't have that years of frustration built up um with each other um because there can stubbornness can come in and some of the things can come in and if you have somebody who's a professional organizer or somebody who you know can help with um that downsizing moving we have we have people who are like that so if you need help um let us know and we can point you in the right direction of who that could be to help you. But sometimes that third party um is the one who can get you over that hump.

Heather Fisher 24:26

Yeah absolutely absolutely sometimes the disagreement are not uh is on timeline not just that we need to downsize or don't but it's when and when do we get started so if one person is really eager and the other isn't quite ready um maybe just start with a single area try some mini decluttering projects we have lots of episodes with little mini challenges and and ways to get started maybe just book one professional to come in for whichever obstacle you're up against next maybe one tour or a lunch and learn other there's lots of fun events to get into communities if that's something you're trying to just build a little momentum around but just try to get some excitement going without committing to anything.

Jodi Rosko 25:20

Yeah I mean we all whether we're moving or not could stand to let go of some of our things right so it doesn't have to be you know we're gonna clean this whole out because so we can move you know immediately it can just be like hey it's time you know we have that those five boxes in the back corner of our storage haven't been opened in 10 years like maybe we could like you know take a minute and get rid of that stuff.

Heather Fisher 25:42

Yeah I find myself I have idea my brain's going on ideas all the time and I forget that I haven't told my husband any of it yet and so I kind of spring on this big project idea what whatever and um definitely know the way our styles work he's a planner and I I need to like remember that and baby step like hey I have this idea can we talk about it this weekend and then we talk about I'm like hey if we're gonna do that could we you know do that one weekend this spring and then hey which weekend and you know but if I woke up on a Saturday morning and said we're doing the garage today. Yes that would just be an absolute no even if it's something we both want in the end um you know we were just talking about that I'm like hey we have a lot of landscaping to do at our new house this spring can we kind of talk about what that looks like how how many weekends what kind of stages do you want to break this up into and just get that ball rolling just make sure you don't not talk about that timeline and have totally different expectations.

Jodi Rosko 27:02

Yeah some questions that you can ask um about like your life season check-in you know like what so is like what what needs to be true for you to feel ready. So if somebody's like I'm not ready like I am not ready back that's back to there's fear there that you need to uncover. So what need what would need to be true for you to feel ready? And they might say well all of your junk needs to be gone you know or you know or maybe it's um you know I just don't think we need to you know whatever you need to get into what is it that would make them feel ready. So that will help you uncover whatever the fear is if you're not getting it from some of the other conversations. And then what life change would signal the right time. But don't let the life change be something that's catastrophic because then what's ends up happening is the one person is doing it themselves. Yeah whether um that means that the other person isn't physically capable and so the one or or isn't even here anymore. You we just we absolutely don't want you to get to that position. If you are there then we can help you there's people that can help you um but it's much better if that isn't the life change that would signal you know something.

Heather Fisher 28:16

Yeah and we talk all the time in our downsizing class but you know people come to it and they tell us you know right in the first words in the door I'm not I'm not ready to downsize I'm just I'm just here but I'm not ready and we tell them that's perfectly fine. You could get through the first three steps of our five step method and stop right there but you have that peace of mind then and that comfort that if something changes then I am you know as ready as I can be up to this point. So those questions are great um to find out what would make the other person feel ready or feel that it's the right time but it's also on the flip side a great time to reassure them like okay well let's just be up to this point ready well before then and we're not you know jumping into a move right now. We're just starting to get ready.

Jodi Rosko 29:15

Yeah you don't have to pick a move date maybe just another time to you know discuss it but also I think if you have just can both agree to get started, I think we get a lot of people that come to our classes that are like it's gonna be two years, it's gonna be three years because they really think they can't imagine it going faster than that because they feel so overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that they have and the decisions that needed to be made and all of that stuff. And then if they can just agree to just get started on it then they end up going so much faster than they thought they were going to and so it might be six months or it might be a year and they're like oh my gosh you know like I've been working on it like we'll get people all the time that'll be like hey I went to your class and you know it's been a few months and they're like I was working on this the garage is totally clean now and that you know like and they'll tell us you know I love hearing I love hearing the updates of you know where people have you know started and you can feel the energy that's so different than from the energy when they first came into the class and we're just feeling like so overwhelmed. You know, their energy is like okay I got that done and now we're working forward and so it will your timeline might change once you get started because when you start when you just start to talk about it it can feel so overwhelming that your timeline so long because you're just giving yourself such a long time because it seems totally impossible.

Heather Fisher 30:33

Yeah absolutely absolutely another um thing we see disagreements on is what you want in that next home space-wise or features wise um so one suggestion is to just make you know a a list of your non-negotiables and your nice to haves and compare those how can you get to a list that is one list for the two of you that is the absolute non-negotiables and the nice to have but be on that same page before you're trying to just completely go one way or another talk about what those needs are and why and back to those curiosity questions. You know, are you really going to continue this hobby or is there another way to fit it into your life without a full basement do you really have to keep all these things yes we definitely want to be somewhere walkable you know all of those things make sure you get on the same page with that wish list.

Jodi Rosko 31:40

Yeah and you they might be a little bit different of wishlist and that's okay too everybody can kind of get what they're looking for. So you know one is one question that you can get to this in is how's it how am I going to use my time or how am I going to use my space? Like does somebody need a hobby room? Does somebody want like you said walking paths you know like I'm gonna spend some time walking the dog I'm gonna you know what is what is it that you guys are gonna do in the next place so that you feel comfortable making the decision to move because you know that you are going to have a room for those hobbies that you do or you're gonna be able to walk the dog at the next place it's still going to have sidewalks and you know or whatever. There's a park next door whatever it is that you have a place that you can do the things that you want. Some people want it to be private and quiet. Some people want it to be you know in a walkable place where they can go to restaurants or something. Like it's you know just different so you just both need to know what it is that you're looking for.

Heather Fisher 32:34

Yeah and is there a way to test drive um you know some of those things if you're unsure you know is it closer to kids but in another state can you go rent an Airbnb for a month and see you know what life is like there or you know in warmer climate do you really love that? Do you love living in an RV or is that a bad plan? We've talked about that before.

Jodi Rosko 33:00

Right.

Heather Fisher 33:01

You know can you just kind of test it out a little bit without fully throwing everything into it.

Jodi Rosko 33:07

Yeah committing. Yeah yeah and I think again all of that what you're doing there all of that is information gathering and back to information will help you stop being afraid. And so all of that no matter how long any of that takes you're still moving forward. Everything everything that you're doing as you're gathering information is uh from each other or decisions or you know going and looking at properties or going and touring you know community whatever it is that's all decision like making because you're learning more information and the more information you have the better that you can make a decision.

Heather Fisher 33:41

Yeah absolutely so when one partner can't physically help that definitely um brings a dynamic that's hard sometimes um and that's just the situation with health issues sometimes um but making sure that if if that's the case that um you know you're supportive of bringing in those outside resources you're not just expecting one person to do it all and if you're the caregiver and you are doing it um you know don't have any guilt about needing to ask for that help. We've connected people with tons of resources that just make it easier. You do not have to get through it completely alone. You know let us know what you need and and who can help and and we'll fill in those gaps for you.

Jodi Rosko 34:30

I I think the guilt goes both ways because I think sometimes the person who can't help just doesn't want to move because they don't want to put it all on the other person and so they feel guilty about not being able to help and so then they're not supportive of the whole thing because that makes them feel you know bad that they can't be helping. And so the guilt has to just go away from both sides. It has to be you know don't even in the beginning don't even think about the logistics of maybe how it's actually going to happen. Start thinking about what we want the future to look like and then after you've decided what you want that future to look like then we can figure out how to get there and who can help. And it might be your kids and it might be professionals and either way it's totally fine. There are absolutely people out there to help and so don't worry about the logistics in the beginning and don't feel guilty about what level you can you know put towards it. And if if it's if it's the caregiver who's saying you know I think we need to go maybe that just means that all it's all too much in the house you know maybe that just needs to be something else that they don't have to you know spend time on because you know there's a there's only so much time in in the day, right?

Heather Fisher 35:44

Yeah, yeah. But there's so much relief. I mean we met with a client recently um and brought along some resources that she didn't even know existed and just that relief of knowing there are people that can help you know can just change a whole situation.

Jodi Rosko 36:04

Like you know as soon as we said hey it's okay we've got these people that can help and yeah the overwhelm can just paralyze you honestly so if that's how you're feeling just reach out to us and we'll talk you through you know all of the possibilities um and kind of help you with a little roadmap on that.

Heather Fisher 36:22

So yeah absolutely absolutely um celebrating wins make sure as you go through this I mean we can't say that enough and we talk about that in our business as well but every milestone is a win big small um you know give yourself some grace and um you know when you get through a closet together or you each get through closets separately you know as you do that go out have some dinner get some ice cream take a walk whatever that looks like make sure that you're celebrating you know all the reasons that you were attracted to each other as opposites to begin with and you know all the love that you've brought into that home that you're in and you know put some revisiting to that dream of where you're going next and that you'll get there and do that together.

Jodi Rosko 37:14

Schedule the trip out you know out a little ways and you know give that to yourself as a reward. You know maybe it's financial freedom maybe you're taking the equity from your property and you'll end up you know not you know not owing anything or you'll end up you know being able to take that money that you've gotten from the equity of your house and do something with it that you've always wanted to do. So um you know if that's the case put that up on your you know fridge and you know that's what you're working towards. You know just really remember what you're working towards as you're in the trenches of dealing with it.

Heather Fisher 37:44

Yeah absolutely you guys got this and we look forward to talking to you again next week if you need any resources or want to reach out to us for some help with these conversations or resources downsizingroadmap.com is the best place to find us. We do have a free guide uh downsizingroadmap.com backslash guide um we've got some tips for couples uh in there in that free guide so if you need some extra help please make sure to ask for that and we will be back again next time. Talk you next time thank you. Thanks for joining us on the Downsizing Roadmap podcast. If you found this episode helpful be sure to subscribe leave us a review and share it with someone who might need a little downsizing inspiration. Have questions or ideas for future episodes reach out to us on our website www.downsizingroadmap.com until next time let's keep simplifying and moving forward