.png)
That Moment with Felice Bakker
That Moment is a podcast dedicated to exploring the raw, real, and transformative moments that define us. Hosted by Felice Bakker, this show dives into unfiltered stories of resilience, courage, and personal growth. Each episode unpacks that moment in someone’s life—the point when everything changes, and a new path emerges. Whether you’re searching for inspiration, connection, or a reminder that you’re not alone, That Moment offers powerful conversations that illuminate the strength and light found in life’s toughest times.
That Moment with Felice Bakker
Loving Everything That You Are: Embracing Self-Love, Healing, and Transformation with Aneta
In this raw conversation, Aneta, a holistic healer, shares her powerful journey from an award-winning bodybuilder to overcoming chronic illness. After pushing her body to the brink and experiencing adrenal fatigue, autoimmune disorders, and emotional exhaustion, Annetta’s breakdown became her breakthrough.
Through her story, she reveals how self-awareness, emotional healing, and embracing both masculine and feminine energy led her to reclaim her authentic self. Aneta now helps others heal through practices like NLP, Reiki, and Theta Healing, guiding them toward wholeness.
Aneta’s journey highlights the importance of small steps in healing, honoring divine timing, and understanding that true transformation requires inner work. This episode is packed with wisdom on how to create space for self-love, heal at a deep level, and trust the process of growth.
Connect with Aneta:
Instagram: @integrated_wellbeing_
Website: www.integrated-wellbeing.com.au
Connect with Felice:
Instagram: @felice.bakker
Welcome to that Moment, the podcast that explores the raw, real and life-changing moments that shape who we are. I'm your host, felice Bacher, here to bring you unfiltered stories of resilience, courage and transformation. Together, we'll explore the power of that moment when you have no choice but to shift and change the direction of your journey, Whether you're seeking inspiration, connection or just need a reminder that you're not alone, you're in the right place. I'm so glad you're here. Let's begin. You're in the right place.
Speaker 2:I'm so glad you're here. Let's begin. I'm thrilled to introduce our next guest, Annetta, a holistic, transformational coach and founder of Integrated Wellbeing. With more than a decade of experience, Annetta has helped hundreds and hundreds of individuals, including myself, reconnect with their true essence and help step into their most authentic, empowered selves. Annetta brings a wealth of experience to her practice with an impressive toolkit of qualifications she is a master personal trainer, clinical hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and advanced energy practitioner, specializing in Reiki, inner dance, prana, Theta healing, Kundalini bodywork, de-armoring, kinesiology and more, making her a true pioneer in holistic transformation.
Speaker 2:But Annetta's journey to who she is now, to the woman sitting in front of me, wasn't without its struggles. As an award-winning bodybuilder, she pushed her body to its limits until it finally shut down. This marked the beginning of her healing journey, a tumultuous yet transformative process that reshaped her on every level and gave birth to her purpose. I can't wait to have this conversation with her and for you to get a glimpse into Annetta's world. Her story is one of resilience, transformation and stepping into the light, and I know you're going to love it. I think we can actually dive right in. I think we've started the podcast already, but can you tell me about what Annetta was like 15, 20 years ago. You arrived in Sydney from Poland I read that you were partying having fun a lot, I believe and if you can tell me about what was Aneta like, and I mean, what was your internal world like?
Speaker 3:So maybe I go a little bit even earlier. So I'm Polish. I grew up in Poland it's not a joke. For the first six years of my life I lived in the forest, so there was not many people around me. My mom became a mother at a very young age. She wasn't ready to have a child, to have me, so she was dealing with her own mental, emotional struggles and that has impacted me. So at age 14, 13, I was already going to the library and getting books about psychology, about how to understand human behavior, because I was worried that I become a product of my environment. And then I was worried that if it continues the way I was feeling, I'm going to do something to myself.
Speaker 2:That's a huge realization and weight to carry as a 13-year-old huge realization and weight to carry as a 13-year-old.
Speaker 3:It was so freeing when I understood that my mom's behavior has nothing to do with me, but everything with her personal struggles. But imagine being that age when you just want mommy. I want my mommy.
Speaker 2:Do you know that I think many people our age are, you know, in their 30s, 40s, 50s are still learning that? You learned that, as you were just, you just hit puberty Like you were a child.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and let's just mention here that when we were 13, we were really kids. Yeah, yeah, it's now 13. The girls are so much more mature than us.
Speaker 1:I would say and all that information feels a lot more accessible you know when you said you had to go to libraries like you know, to read books, yeah, hard books.
Speaker 2:What real books? Fake books?
Speaker 3:it was about psychology, yeah and the language was different.
Speaker 2:I feel like it's a lot more easier to understand nowadays. They make it a lot more, you know um digestible yeah that.
Speaker 3:So so that helped me with my panic attacks, anxiety, um, because that was just, oh just terrible, um, so I had a huge panic attacks to the level that I couldn't breathe. Anxiety was always present, um, um, and. And then I remember, at age 18 I saw a documentary about Australia, and Australia was so far away from Poland and there were snakes and sharks and crocodiles, and you know, I had that mentality. Well, you know what that's so far away, I cannot come home easily. I will have to really show up for myself. I'm scared of sharks, spiders, snakes, all of that. So I mean that will help me to grow up. Yes, if I go to Australia. And how old were you at this point? 18.
Speaker 3:So at 18, I've decided that I'm going to Australia. Now I'm in Poland, no money, so I had to go to study. I finished university, so I studied for five years and as soon as I finished studying, I've decided that I will go overseas, to Ireland, to make money. So after doing my master's degree yes, I have a master's degree I'm going to Ireland to clean tables, to wash dishes, to work in the kitchen. And, yeah, I work behind the bar cleaning tables for one year. So you had a dream. Yeah, I didn't care, yeah, I was just saving money to get to Australia.
Speaker 3:And then, when I got to Australia, I got here and I'm like no kangaroos on the street, it looks normal. You guys get cold days. I didn't have any cold clothing. I was like is this it? And so I'm in Sydney. It was incredible. You know, I was living in King's Cross by accident. I had no idea about Australia. I had no idea about King's Cross. I was going out and I got introduced to potty In Poland. I didn't potty. I was a good girl. I didn't drink much when I was studying. Maybe at the end of my studies I drank more, but I never potty the way I potty here. So I lost myself here. I lived in Sydney for it was fun, don't get me wrong. But I lived in Sydney for a few years and then I thought you know what, I'm going to start again. So I moved to Gold Coast, where I'm here, and I got into health fitness.
Speaker 2:And where was your bodybuilding chapter, because that's one that I want to kind of dive into as well.
Speaker 3:I know it's another chapter.
Speaker 2:You've had lots of identities I have lots of identities.
Speaker 3:Yes, that's well said. Yes, I had lots of identities and that's amazing because, through my own experience when I work with clients, it is so much easier for me to tell them you can just change your identity. It's a death and rebirth. We're always reinventing ourselves.
Speaker 2:We're going to jump here, but do you think that's what makes you so powerful? And I say that because I've experienced your gift. And I say that because I've experienced your gift, because you've been through so much and you've been able to shift your identity do you think that that is one of your gifts?
Speaker 3:in teaching. I think I like the word gifts. I love the power of it. It's not really resonated with me, but I think that one of the gifts would be that I can resonate with somebody's experience because at some stage in my life I was there to some extent. Yes, but I can resonate. I understand how it is when we struggle with this and that I've been there. You know dark night of the soul and that I've been there. You know dark night of the soul, addictions, you know childhood traumas, little abuse, all those little things that we, as humans, go through. I went through that.
Speaker 2:I had to find my way out. Yeah, so I want to go to where you are winning national competitions for bodybuilding and you are pushing your body to its absolute limits, right, and your body shuts down. So you get adrenal fatigue, you develop a virus, chronic back pain, you have gut issues, hormonal imbalances and autoimmune disease, anxiety, depression, rheumatosis. You're bedridden and in constant pain and unable to move so.
Speaker 3:So let me just give a little bit more background to that. So I got here to gold Gold Coast. I've never trained, I've never went to gym. I'm about 30 years, 31 years old and I'm starting to train. I got myself to bodybuilding and I'm absolutely loving it and I'm seeing results. I'm feeling good, I'm pushing my body and I'm getting into competitions and I'm winning. I'm winning my competitions, I'm winning my category, my division. Then I'm winning overall and I'm like, oh wow, that feels amazing. I don't think I've ever really won anything. So then it starts getting me more motivated and I'm overriding how my body is feeling. So it's the ego, it's I'm not caring about how my body is feeling. I'm not caring what is good for my body, what is rest, what is proper nutrition and what should I be eating in order for me to, yes, still do those competitions and be healthy? Yes, I wasn't doing none of that. I wasn't doing any of that. And what happened? As you said, my body just decided to shut down.
Speaker 3:I remember I won my last competition and I got qualified to go to Europe to compete in the world's bodybuilding competition. And my body no more. I remember going to Pilates class and I had this elastic band, muscles on muscles on me, and I couldn't open up the elastic band because my body was so fatigued and again, here it was not only because of bodybuilding. I had my relationship struggles, financial struggles, I was running business at the same time, all the trauma that was in my body and I never dealt with it. I managed to manage myself through mental toughness, mental resilience. Okay, run away from Poland. Okay, let's logically understand mom's behavior, dad's behavior and that person's behavior. Let's understand how they feel, forgive them and we move on.
Speaker 3:I've never addressed, well, what was my experience, how I felt. You know what's going on with my pain, with my hurt? I just pushed it, pushed it to the side and, as a result, adrenal fatigue, fibromyalgia, uh, issues with my thyroid abstinence, bar virus, then I go to parasites and we can say it's all physical symptoms. But there are all physical symptoms of my emotional, energetic, spiritual, not dealt with life, this life, past life experiences.
Speaker 3:So, and I always was very spiritual and very like, and I always was very spiritual and very like, having, you know, kindness and compassion practices, but it was never done to the true, truest form of but what is my kindness and compassion towards myself. It was always towards others. Um, and at the beginning it was so tricky I'm like do I love myself? Yeah, I care for myself. But when you really take the layers and peel the onion, like wow, there is this self-abandonment, there is self-betrayed, there is being always empathetic and nice to everyone at your own expense, there is always saying yes to everything, choosing people for wrong reasons that they were around me. So I've done lots of work.
Speaker 2:And was there a moment you said the Pilates class was that? Do you said the pilates class was that? You think that turning moment where you said like something has to change? No was there a moment that you can remember where you said oh my gosh, like I need to start dealing the pilates class was more about the ego.
Speaker 3:Still, I was like what's wrong with you? Yes, I'm like you need to snap out of it. Come on, it's just a mindset. Change the way you feel, think, change the way you think. You have muscles. You're making you. You look so strong, you're making full of yourself right now. How come you cannot even open up elastic band. So still shaming, still override your nervous system, override what your body is doing through thinking.
Speaker 3:But what really changed me was I live in the house as well, full of mold, that I couldn't do much. I would be active for two hours and then I would have to go and sleep or meditate, sleep or meditate. Two hours, sleep or meditate. So I've lost Anera. I've lost the energy for life. I've lost the energy to socialize, which was beautiful as well, because when all of that was taken away from me, from me going and socializing with friends, I didn't have energy. I lost maybe not lost so many friendships. There's this gap, the distance that has been created because I wasn't going out.
Speaker 3:And another thing happened as well for me Normally, when I was going out, I was the entertainer, I was the one that wasn't comfortable. If somebody wasn't comfortable in the group, I was the one that was managing the quantum field of energy of the group. So again, life is a lesson, life is a mirror. I'm like, wow, why are you performing? You have to. You have to now be with your friends and go out and being that softness, and maybe not wanting to talk, maybe not wanting to manage anyone else because I don't have energy for it. And then you know like the curtains collapse. Wow, trauma I was. I was reenacting my childhood traumas. I was regulating my nervous system in my social events and outings just so I can feel safe. I was this entertaining person because I was thinking that everyone expects that from me and that mask I was thinking that everyone expects that from me and that mask.
Speaker 2:How do you realize that you're playing that role, like how you know? I feel like you've done a lot of work around this right, but how did you come to realize that this was the identity that you had and that was the role that you were playing in your social circles? You know what step does somebody take to realize that?
Speaker 3:Self-awareness, sitting with it Is that how you started? And seeing the triggers. So observing what is triggering me, what is making me uncomfortable in my body, listening to my body, where do I if I go out or I talk to somebody? Where do I feel fully comfortable and safe? And if I'm not exploring that, what's going on within me? What are my thoughts, what are my feelings? Where is it taking me? What is that reminding me of? Am I fully being here for myself or I'm performing? And again, that comes with a time, because there's always with time and practice, because there's always another layer. But I think that self-awareness, curiosity, noticing why things are triggering me and what does that mean about me? What? Because always, we always come back to us. Yes, it's like. What does it mean for me, about me? What is it teaching me, reminding me of?
Speaker 2:um, yeah, would you think that was the first step on your journey? Is that curiosity? I imagine you know? When you had all those ailments, you had your two hours of being able to do something. Is that how you approached it? Did you go okay, like I'm here now? What's the next step? What does Annetta need?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's um how am I creating it? It's how am I creating it Like? What am I doing? What are the beliefs that I'm saying to myself? What are the emotions that I'm living from? What am I not letting go of? How am I through subconscious stories, things that I might not even consciously realize about myself? How am I creating that? What is my relationship to my body? What is my relationship to being healthy? How am I? Am I punishing my body or I'm working with my body? Am I loving my body, punishing my body or I'm working with my body? Am I loving my body? It's just learning and unpacking everything.
Speaker 3:How am I speaking to myself? Like, if something goes wrong way when I was doing bodybuilding, I tell you right now I would be 3 am in the gym, I'll be lifting weights and I'll be saying come on, don't be weak. Shit, I'll be talking too much, yes, and I'll be like this is weak, you can do more. And it was just this harsh heart, you're lazy, you're not good enough. And now I would never speak to any atom or cell of my body that way.
Speaker 3:You know now it's compassion, non-judgment, understanding. It's like come closer, let me. There is a part showing up. Come closer, let me look at you, let me meet you, let me bring you to my heart and to the wholeness wholeness, but before it was you achieving life. Everything if you punish yourself now is the more you um tune in to the greatness that is around you. Life universe flows through you. You just have to, you just have to be at that frequency, at the frequency that you appreciate yourself and you love yourself and you love life and you love your work and you love your clients, that you're not living from limited way of seeing life, but there is abundance of everything.
Speaker 2:And suddenly there is abundance of everything because that's your belief, that's your reality so if somebody listening to this podcast right is a version of that, that identity of yours that was struggling, that was not very nice to themselves. Yeah, what's the first step that somebody can take? Is it being curious about the voices? Is it curious about you know what they're saying to themselves? That's kind of what I'm hearing, right, so being very aware of what kind of happens in here.
Speaker 3:So let me tune into it so I really can. So let me tune into it so I really can. Um, so if, if someone is struggling with where they are, with their health, the mental state slowing down, slowing down, attending to your nervous system and to the needs of your physical body water, sleep, rest, detox, gut health, brain health, starting with this, because if this physical vessel is not happy and looked after, the mental changes will not be as integrated and it's all dense together. Yes, so it's, it's all important, but just starting with your, with your mind, health. Mind, yes, being making sure that toxicity is out as much as you can. And then creating space for yourself, where your intention is.
Speaker 3:I'm ready to be with myself and meet myself and try to explore my relationship to myself, to my body, to life and to others, and then from that we can start incorporating tools breath work, meditation, somatic work, coaching, all the different things. Yes, and after that, what is beautiful is to create a group of, to find a group of people that understands you and is able to hold safe space for you, because a lot of our healing is in groups, when we're not feeling safe in our body to be us. It is beautiful that we find people around us to hold us with non-judgment, compassion, love. You're safe with me. You can allow yourself to soften, soften your walls, guards, feel your feelings, feel everything that is present. And I'm holding you beautiful, because, yes, we can. There's only limit that we can heal ourselves on our own and, yes, we need others do you feel held?
Speaker 3:oh so, so good. I have um, I was able to create for myself beautiful reality. I live in a beautiful reality. I feel so, held by my family, by my friends and my clients. We have this beautiful um synergy. I do have a beautiful synergy with client that it's not only about giving but it's about receiving. How that makes sense. Oh no, definitely yeah no, it's beautiful and we work together, so would you say that?
Speaker 2:A hundred percent. Yeah, I think if anyone ever gets the opportunity to work with you, you just feel so held and seen by you. It's really special. It's hard to describe and I think you know I mentioned the word gifted but you really just are gifted, but it's a really.
Speaker 2:Your energy is very soft, but it's soft and direct at the same time, because it's a no bullshit kind of session with you, so it's like I love you but I kind of hate you as well, and, yes, that's spot on the truth. So, yeah, but it helped, didn't it? Yes, yes, I was reading through some of the notes from our session um, oh wow, two years ago and most of that advice is still relevant today.
Speaker 3:And look at you now. Yeah, and just look at you now. Thank you, thank you, we're having some real eye contact here.
Speaker 2:So it really is look at me now so contact, so contact.
Speaker 3:I see you.
Speaker 2:Okay, back to Nana. You've taken us through this journey, right? I asked you for, kind of your advice on what someone should do if they're in their rock bottom right now, and I feel like what you've shared is very much your lived experience, right? Yes, um, and it's. It's a very gradual process. It seems like, um, you can't hurry it up. Um, it unfolds as it's meant to unfold. Can you talk a little bit about? Sorry, it's just, I wanted to take it into a different direction, but we're going here about divine timing and what timing means in your healing journey.
Speaker 2:In your healing journey too right.
Speaker 3:So the answer to that can be complex yeah, the human wants to hurry up. Human is thinking, my ego is like I'm missing out. I'm so missing out, I should be doing more. I'm not there yet. That's the human and the ego. Then there's this divine timing, that things show up for us when we're ready. What I mean when we're ready?
Speaker 3:It's like putting seed in the ground. You put seed, you plant seed in the ground and you have to wait on them until the seed sprouts. And then, when it sprouts, first you get roots. So you need to be grounded and solid in whoever you are, so you're rooting yourself. You need to feel safe and secure. So the root chakra, the rooting to the matter earth represents. I'm secure, I'm safe to be here. I mean, I'm secure in my mission in life, in who I am. I'm giving myself permission to fully show up. So we get the roots. The bigger the roots are, the more solid the roots are. Then what happens? Boom, we sprout and we go up and then we grow. You know how when you ever observe the plant, it grows so quickly. When it's out from the dirt, it just grows so quickly and we don't see all the work that happens underneath.
Speaker 3:But for that, what we need is trust. It's not the ego human. Now, come on, are you growing? Let's just dig you out, show me your roots. It's more like I'm trusting. I'm trusting that what's mine is already mine, it's already written there, it's already.
Speaker 3:I just have to show up every day, the best version of myself, and say yes, yes to life, yes to the universe. It doesn't mean that we sit and we're not doing anything. It's like how can I today show up as the best version of myself? How can I today improve and say yes and expand for more consciousness, for more source, for more universe to flow through me, because I know that you have a plan for me. And as well, I pray. My daily prayer is like show me, show me how can I serve, show me how can I use my gifts to serve and help other people. So, with divine timing, it is when we in the ego I want to right now fear I'm behind, but when we trust and we show up and we show up, and we show up and we open, we know that the only thing that I have to do is to show up trust and that's it.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for speaking to this and for giving it so much time and detail, because I think that a lot of people and I say a lot of people, and I'm talking about myself is that when you are in that darkness, you go. Oh my God, I don't want to be here. I know where I want to go, go and I need to get there as fast as possible and nothing's okay until I'm there, until I'm there, until I'm there not realizing that the time actually needs to be put in building that foundation can I say something to that?
Speaker 3:you, you, um, you said nothing is okay. Yes, because I've been there, so, coming from being sick for many years, and when you wake up in the morning, you don't wake up like a normal human being oh, it's morning, let's go to the gym, let's just train or anything like that. You wake up and how am I feeling today? How much energy is in my body? How can I prioritize? Do I prioritize my work, my training, my clients? What do I do?
Speaker 3:So big shift in my healing was when I stopped checking how unhealthy I am and start trusting that today I'm healthy. How unhealthy I am and start trusting that today I'm healthy. So this shift, like you said, being in that dark moment, what's wrong? It's like how much more I have to take it, why I'm feeling that, why is it happening to me? I had to catch myself and like what's good about today? How can I help somebody today, the gratitude I'm like, wow, my body's feeling so amazing. Thank you for that. So, seeing what I wanted to see, voicing what I wanted to bring more to my life, not saying I'm still not where I want to be. I don't have energy for that. I'm not as sharp, as I was a few months ago or a few years ago. So I'm like oh no, amazing, I'm already doing better. Does that make?
Speaker 2:sense 100%, 100%, and I imagine this isn't an overnight process, right. Yes, this is very gradual so one day you wake up and you're like okay, I'm feeling better. Let's you know we're able to shift it by 12 o'clock. You're back into the darkness, but at least you've shifted it for an hour, half an hour, five minutes, and I think that's maybe how it starts.
Speaker 3:I was so sick at the beginning. So I work with energy, I do kinesiology, muscle testing, and I use emotion codes to help heal my body, which is just muscle testing my body. I use swaying method, where you stand and you pendulate. I was so sick at times that I could not even stand up to do my energy work to heal myself and I knew that every time I do it I would feel so much better and my body was so fatigued that I couldn't do it. So showing up no matter what, and seeing the positive and knowing that I just need to one drop more into the cup and soon everything will just stack up and I will be better.
Speaker 2:I think what really resonates there is that one drop, I think. We often think that transformation has to be massive and it has to be immediate. It's that gradual.
Speaker 2:It's today I'm going to go for a walk and maybe or maybe it's a run and it's a one minute run, and then tomorrow it's a five minute run, or today I'm going to sit in gratitude and I'm going to write three lines of gratitude, and tomorrow maybe I'll write five lines and then I'll write 15 lines, and I think we just again. It's what you said before about catching yourself and becoming more aware of what happens in here.
Speaker 3:I am, you know, today can be one boundary that I'm setting with somebody, one way that I regulate my nervous system and show up more in life. I remember when I was so naive I was thinking like, oh, I do this breath work, I will travel overseas and sit with that shaman this ceremony, I will do this energy course, or I do this modality, or I see this person and I was like you know what, after I see them, I'll be healed, like I guarantee I'll be healed. I was like hoping that they will heal me, forgetting that they're my tools and I'm the healer. I only can heal myself.
Speaker 2:They're my tools. I love this because I think, and I'm glad that we're talking about this, Of course we are. So often we look outside of ourselves to heal us.
Speaker 3:We'll find the coaches, the therapists um the psychics, you know, the energy healers, everyone, and it's all actually to come back to you it's all me, yeah, yeah, the day they might say something that will trigger us, trigger or spark something within me, but it's always me me. It's always me how I'm integrating. What does it mean to me about me? What am I taking from it, and how is that changing my relationship with myself? So it's all about my relationship with myself.
Speaker 2:What's your relationship with yourself like right now, if we can get a glimpse into anetta in here?
Speaker 3:that's very interesting. It's a very beautiful question, thank you that's beautiful question.
Speaker 3:You're welcome. That's beautiful, grayson. Well, I've spent so much time in my life in the masculine energy, so my relationship with myself is now to bringing more of that softer, divine feminine energy and then teaching myself how the masculine and feminine energy that condense in harmony, in balance within me, depending what life requires for me, and then creating more, bringing more, manifesting more into my life, but from that not hassle, still showing up, yes, but it's this distrusting and being magnetic, and you know what I love to do, I love to test my own theories, I'm like. So this is what I'm putting on my wish list. Energetically, I want to show up as a match to that and see if that can come to me easily and it it just happens, yeah, give us an example that you'd like to share.
Speaker 2:Of course, I don't want to push you.
Speaker 3:No, no, you know what is beautiful example I was sharing with my partner that you know I would like to share.
Speaker 2:of course I don't want to push you. No, no, no.
Speaker 3:You know what is beautiful example I was sharing with my partner that you know I would like to do more podcasts next year, and then I got a message from you and I did not share that with anyone else and there were treats and collaboration with other people. Because I love collaborating, I love from other people. I am. I think this is um, this is one of my favorite qualities about me is that I love learning from other people. So, working with other facilitators, groups, coaches, um healers, mentors and learn from them. So I'm calling that in this year and it just coming to me, beautiful.
Speaker 2:I think people can learn so much when there's lived examples. So, yeah, I love that you can share that, because I think, then it allows people to. When you see it in somebody else, you can believe that it's true for yourself too.
Speaker 3:What are you calling in this year for yourself?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh good question A lot more freedom and stability. But I would love to have more guests like you on the podcast and for the podcast just to reach a community and for it to reach people that just need to hear the messages.
Speaker 3:Okay, that would take me to another question. I hope you don't mind. No, please, if you could speak like really from your heart, and I know you will, but I'm just setting space. I speak first. Yeah, what's the intention for this beautiful podcast that you have?
Speaker 2:the first thing that pops up is to heal me.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:I think it's just been.
Speaker 2:I know I need to do a solo episode soon.
Speaker 2:It's been a really rough few years and I think just with conversations like this I heal so much One because I learn, but because I get to tap into who I am and I get to trust me more every time I record and, yeah, I don't know why, but this is so healing for me and the past couple of years I felt so alone and I just really hope that anyone listening to this that perhaps is in their darkness just knows that they're not alone, because in my darkness I really felt that nobody understood what it was like to be me and I know everyone has their different version of darkness and you know it looks different for everyone. But I just want people to know and I'm gonna look right becomes a really, that it becomes inspirational, that inspires people and, yeah, that it connects people. I know these are really kind of vague words and words that are used a lot, but I think first and foremost, it's probably really selfish. It's that I I really get to learn about myself by doing these thank you for your vulnerability.
Speaker 2:I hope that nobody's put off by that, but I just just like yeah, to be honest, and you know, again, I want to be able to serve and I want to be able to impact and have you know, but I think it's a lot for me as well and I think that's okay, right.
Speaker 3:You will be a mirror to so many people listening, yes, you will be a mirror to so many people listening yes. And when we're authentic, it builds trust and tells others that it's okay. It's okay, it's okay for you to be vulnerable and authentic and be lost and still look for yourself. It's a safe space, beautiful.
Speaker 2:We're just looking at you there. Thank you, we're not done, guys, sorry. You mentioned before your dance with the masculine and feminine and that's kind of that. You're traversing that right now. You're learning to dance. Maybe some of our listeners or viewers they might not understand what masculine and feminine is. Energy is, um, can you tell us what as much as you want to share, but and how you what that means, if, for your life? Like, what does it mean when you're in the masculine? What does it mean when you're in the feminine? If you can just kind of elaborate on that a little bit um.
Speaker 3:So, speaking from, from how it looks, the, the emerging, the divine, masculine and feminine, and balancing and harmonizing there, then, for me, is when, um, it's important for me to be in masculine, so it's masculine energy. When I plan what to do, you know, goal setting, decision making, being organized, but sometimes, when I'm like that, I forget to be in trusting and flow and intuitive. So my masculine side, the driven one, was stronger for most of my life. I was the one that always made the decision. I was the one that protect myself and not allow somebody else to become that masculine energy for me. I was all that masculine energy for me and I was not spending enough time in the flow or divine, feminine, softer, creative, nourishing, nourishing others, nourishing myself, intuitive wisdom that's the qualities of feminine energy.
Speaker 3:So now what I'm doing? I'm merging them. I understand that they're equally important. There is a time that I need to make decisions, I need to be organized, and there is a time where I'm allowing myself decision. I need to be organized and there is a time where I'm allowing myself to be in this beautiful creative flow, spending time with nature, use my creativity to create something beautiful for my business, for my client and when it's all, is that merge. It's called at the top of when, the kundalini energy, feminine and masculine marriage, and goes to the top. It's the christ energy, the divine union between those two beautiful energies. And that's my, that's my aim for me now is to to create that union within me, the marriage of my masculine traits and feminine traits, and honoring them both. And they're not bad, they're beautiful and they're as equally important.
Speaker 3:When before in my past, I didn't see place, I thought it's a waste of time for rest, for play, for um seduction. Yeah, was a waste of time because I needed to be productive. Another goal, another goal, another goal. And, as a result, I was driving so much so my nervous system got exhausted. Yes, go, go, go. So my nervous system got exhausted and that was not allowing my body to heal, because if my nervous system is always on fight, flight, freeze, you know I'm not creating space for my nervous system to come to relaxation, calmness, safety, communication, receiving.
Speaker 2:Beautiful. How would that make sense? Oh, definitely, and I just, I think, emphasizing too that masculine and feminine energy has nothing to do with your sex, right? No, it's something that all sexes have within them. Yeah, and it's about finding that balance. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And what happens to us female right now? In the world that we live, we spend most of our time in that masculine energy and we forget how important it is for us and how important that feminine energy is.
Speaker 2:Beautiful. I think we can do an entire episode on this because I have so many questions, but let's do it. Another question what is something that you struggle with today and how? I know it's a very broad question, but I just I love that we've been able to witness so many versions of Annetta and you've taken us through that journey.
Speaker 2:But I think what I want to emphasize here is that we're never healed and that we're always learning and we're always growing. So I'd love to know this beautiful version sitting in front of me, this Annetta what's something that you struggle with and, really, how do you deal with it as well?
Speaker 3:another beautiful question, really, really beautiful question, and and a great timing, because we have a beginning of a new year and this year is um is year of freedom for me. So what I mean by freedom is to be fully free from the fears that were alive within me. What I mean by it because of my upbringing, because the little girl was punished for being loud, for being entertaining, for being too much, because my mom's container couldn't handle me being seen having voice and speaking up and holding spaces. It always, you know, I would do events and I would be scared. And I really didn't want to be scared. I didn't want to.
Speaker 3:This year I've decided I don't want to be scared of being seen holding big events or even speaking in front of other people, and it's my journey for nothing else than I, I and Neda, want to have freedom to stand in front of people, speak and the freedom comes. I, with all the respect, I don't care about your opinion of me or how you perceiving me this is my life journey and I'm breaking like I'm just cracking this egg open. I want to feel free, even if I might say something that is silly, not right, might appear wrong. So that freedom from, I'm not sure if you understand it's.
Speaker 1:I want to be free.
Speaker 3:I want to live life that is free. To understand it's. I want to be free. I want to live life that is free, um, and that was one of the things that always took me um do you think that was? Holding you back. It was holding me back, but I wasn't ready yes yeah, so I wasn't ready. How I know? Because what will happen? My whole body will shut down. You know, I want it, my mind wants to hold bigger spaces or speak, but my whole body, my nervous system will shut down and I will regulate my nervous system and I will use tools to regulate my nervous system for that to happen.
Speaker 3:But still so, I've done this, this. I've done lots of past life clearing and as soon as I've done lots of past life clearing and and what has happened to me and how I got punished for speaking out suddenly my energy centers open up. And now this this safe. I safe, I feel so safe being here with you and speak without agenda that let's make sure that I'm saying the right things, because somebody will just have opinion or somebody will say, oh, this is wrong or this is BS. I don't like that. Through the work that I've done, I'm getting that freedom within me and it's such a beautiful feeling. It's just feeling to be free without expecting the external environment to cushion me. To cushion me hey, you're so accepted, now you can talk. No, no, no. Beautiful. This is.
Speaker 3:I accept, I accept me, I accept me. So that's this is very vulnerable just so you know, yeah, thank you for thank you for holding space for me of course my turn.
Speaker 2:Yes, usually you do it for me so beautiful, thank you. Two more questions.
Speaker 3:Yes, usually you do it for me Beautiful, Thank you.
Speaker 2:Two more questions. One we'll wrap this up because I think we're. Yeah, We've kind of talked about it already, but from everything that you've learned your entire journey, what is the one most important thing, and I say thing very broadly what is the one that has led to the biggest shift?
Speaker 3:From everything that I have learned Through life. We become fragmented, we lose pieces of who we are, pieces of our soul. We wear masks, and one of the things that has helped me the most was bringing all those broken pieces of me without judgment, letting go of judgment, letting go of criticism, and just bring them back to the heart, to the center, and loving, loving everything that I am. I think that, um, yeah, that that would be it, and different modalities allow that. Here's Different modalities help with that.
Speaker 3:But there is nothing more beautiful than seeing fragmented, disowned, suppressed, pushed to the side parts of yourself and healing through parts, work or accepting that part, understanding that there is a lesson. There is not a bad part of me, there's just a part that learned to protect myself by using that behavior and loving that and bringing back to the heart and becoming more whole. And and the healing is not only. Healing is not linear. Healing is complex. It's the physical body, the energetic body, it's the mental, emotional self, it's the spiritual self, it's this lifetime, it's the past lifetime, it's the people that you have around you, the things that you allowed. It's only, it's just. It's so complex, so complex.
Speaker 2:Thank you, it just, it's so complex, so complex. Thank you, I have so many more questions, but so, um, for my next guest, is there a question that you recommend? I ask my next guest? I'm trying something new, hmm.
Speaker 3:If your inner child depending if it's a lady or a boy, little girl, little boy, could sit with you here and now. What that inner child would ask from you more. More of you, more of what?
Speaker 2:Okay, well, stay tuned. I will ask our next guest this Thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much, annetta, for taking the time and for sharing so vulnerably that's the word. I really, really appreciate it and really hope that you enjoyed this episode. Thank you very much and stay tuned for the next one.
Speaker 1:Bye. Thank you for joining us today. If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who would benefit from listening. You can also follow along on my instagram at felicewalker. Until next time, and remember you hold the power to transform your life.