2.157 The 3-Step Method to Resolve Employee Conflict Without Drama

Workplace conflict can feel uncomfortable to address, especially when you are already stretched and trying to keep the team moving forward. But avoiding it rarely makes it better.  

In this episode, Karen Kirton shares a practical 3 step method to help managers and business owners resolve employee conflict calmly, clearly and without unnecessary drama. 

You will learn how to get to the real issue, how to facilitate a productive conversation between employees, and how to put clear actions in place so the same tension does not keep resurfacing. If you have ever felt unsure about when to step in, what to say, or how to manage conflict without making things worse, this episode will give you a simple and realistic framework to use. 

If managing people issues does not always come naturally, this is a helpful place to start. 

Book a free discovery call with Amplify HR here: https://meetings.hubspot.com/ronita-fourie 

Visit amplifyhr.com.au for more insights and resources.  

Also Mentioned in This Episode: 

https://www.amplifyhr.com.au/whole-brain-thinking/ 

Transcript

Welcome to episode 157. And if you are a manager, at some point you've probably had two employees who are not seeing eye to eye. And when that happens, it can be surprisingly hard to know what to do, especially in smaller businesses. 
You want to deal with it early, but you also don't want to overreact, take sides, or make the whole thing bigger than it needs to be. And the reality is that most workplace conflict does not begin with one dramatic incident. More often, it builds slowly. 
It might start with frustration over communication, confusion about who's responsible for what, a few careless comments, a mismatch in working styles, or pressure that's been building for weeks or months. Then over time, that tension starts to show up in meetings, in tone, in gossip. 
people avoiding each other, work not flowing the way that it should. And in smaller businesses, we can feel that really quickly, where there are only a handful of people in the team, even low level tension can affect morale, productivity, and customer experience. And it can also be draining. 
for you as the business owner or manager, especially when you're already juggling 100 other things. So in this episode, I want to walk you through a simple three-step way to handle conflict between employees professionally, without drama, and without turning every issue into a formal HR process before it needs to be. 
Before I get to the steps, I think it helps to be really clear about your role here because this is often where people get stuck. Your job as a manager is to not make everyone friends. Your job is not to decide who's the better person or who's right. Your job is not to smooth everything over so that 
do it really quickly and so nothing really changes. Your role is to make sure that your team can work together respectfully, communicate clearly, and do their job well. And that means staying calm, staying neutral, and leading the process in a way that's fair and consistent. And it also means stepping in 
early. A lot of managers hope these things will just sort themselves out. You know, I've heard people say, we're not children here, they need to work it out themselves. And sometimes they do. But often the issue just goes underground. People stop speaking openly. They vent to others instead of addressing the 
issue directly. Yes, small irritations become big stories, resentment builds, performance drops, and eventually what could have been a relatively straightforward conversation turns into something really hard to untangle. So healthy teams are not 
teams with no conflict. They are teams where issues are dealt with early, respectfully, and professionally. So let's talk about the first step, and that is really to slow things down and get clear on the issue before jumping into solutions. And in practice, that usually means meeting with each person separately. 
first. And there are a few reasons for that. It gives each employee a chance to explain what's happening from their point of view without interruption. 
It also lets you hear the facts more clearly instead of being pulled into defensiveness or blame too early. And importantly, it helps you work out whether this is a straightforward working relationship issue or whether there are signs that something more serious may be going on. And when you speak to each person, 
Just keep your questions neutral and open. So things like, talk me through what happened from your perspective, or what impact is this having on your work? You know, the aim at this stage is not to decide who's right or wrong, it's to understand what happened. Where communication or expectations have broken down, 
and whether there's anything underneath the conflict that's making it worse. And this is where it's worth pausing because what looks like a people issue is often partly a work issue as well. Especially in small businesses, conflict can grow in the gaps when things are unclear. Unclear roles, unclear priorities, unclear decision making. 
Someone thinks they're leading a piece of work. They assume that other people aren't. Someone else thinks they are. Another person wants quick updates and direct answers. Someone else wants detail and context. Someone's overloaded and starts reacting really sharply because they're under pressure, or the other person takes that as tone and disrespect. 
So while it may look like a personality clash on the surface, quite often there's something more practical sitting underneath it. And that is why it helps to focus on specific examples of behaviour rather than labels. So if someone says, you know, they're impossible to work with, 
Then we want to sort of gently pull that back to try and get something concrete. So, okay, can you give me an example of that? What happened? When did it happen? What was said? What was done? What was the impact? Because we don't want to hear that person is impossible. We want to hear things like, you know, in Tuesday's meeting, I was interrupted three times and couldn't finish my point. You know, that's something 
that we can work with. Things like they are always rude. You know, it's broad, it's loaded, it doesn't help to move the conversation forward. So that's where as a manager, it's important to try and get those specifics, but also a little bit of reflection and self-awareness can be useful too. 
So, you know, conflict is often not about personality, and that's true in the sense that we don't want to excuse poor behaviour by saying, well, that's just how that person is. But people do have different working styles, communication preferences, and ways of responding under pressure that can absolutely 
Impact on workplace conflict. 
So for example, somebody might be naturally very direct, fast-paced, task focused. Another person is more reflective, relationship focused and thoughtful in how they communicate. So the first person might just think they're being efficient, but the second person experiences that as being dismissive. You know, one person might need time to process information before responding. 
and the other person interprets that as disengagement or lack of commitment. Neither approach is right or wrong, but when people aren't aware of their own style or they don't understand the style of the person they're working with, it's easy for those differences to start feeling personal. 
And that's where tools like whole brain thinking could be really helpful. Not because they solve conflict on their own or we don't want to put people in boxes, but it helps to create really useful self-awareness and can help people reflect on how they prefer to think, communicate and make decisions and what that might look like to others, especially when they're under pressure. So if you're using a tool like that in your business, this is a 
good point to draw on it. And you might ask questions like, you know, what might that person be needing that they're not getting? How might your communication style be landing for them? What assumptions are you making about intent? You know, what can we do differently to make this easier? Even a small amount of reflection can just shift the tone from blame to understanding and that gives you 
a much better base for the next step. And as the manager, it's also worth reflecting on your part in the environment around the conflict. So have you set expectations clearly enough? Have you defined the roles well? Have you set standards for how the team communicates and raises issues? Have there been warning signs that were just left? 
for too long. Now, I'm not asking you to take blame for everything, but good conflict management does involve looking at the system as well as the people in it. So you want to take a few notes as you go. They don't need to be extensive, but they will help you say, stay objective, spot patterns, and make sure that you're being consistent. 
So the second step is bringing everybody together and resetting expectations. So once we have that clear picture, we can have that facilitate a conversation between, let's say, the two people in this case. It doesn't need to be overly formal, but it does need structure. If you bring people together too quickly before you understand what's going on, the conversation can easily just turn into point scoring. 
But if you've done the groundwork in step one, you're much better placed to lead a useful discussion. So you can start by setting the tone really clearly. And you might say something like, the purpose of this conversation is to understand what has been going on and agree on how we're going to work together moving forward. It's not about blame. 
It's about the impact of what we've been feeling and about finding a way forward. And you know, this matters because it immediately shifts the conversation away from winning and towards solving. And so from there, we can give each person a chance to share their perspective without interruption, which is really important. 
People are more likely to move forward when they feel like they've been heard. And your role is to listen, reflect back what you're hearing, keep the conversation grounded in facts and behaviour, and step in if it starts becoming personal or unproductive. And this is where language really matters. So you want to help people move away from, 
you know, accusations and strong language, like, you know, you always do this or you never listen. And instead to, you know, when that happened, this was the impact on me or what I need to be forward is, or what I believe we could do differently together is, you know, and that last one is important because if both people can see they have some role in improving the situation, 
Even if the roles aren't equal, the conversation becomes much more productive. And this could also be a useful point to link back to your business values and behavioural expectations. If respect, collaboration, addressing issues directly, speaking professionally, a part of how you want your team to operate, then say so. 
Conflict conversations are not just about resolving one issue. They're also about reinforcing the culture that you're trying to build. So there's also some room here for self-awareness. If the issue has been made worse by different working styles, then you can also help people recognise that. It's not about watering down accountability, but just creating more balanced 
understanding. So for example, you might say, it sounds like one of the issues here is that you both communicate quite differently. You know, one of you is very quick and direct, the other prefers more context and discussion. And neither of those are wrong, but we just need to understand those differences and how it might be easy to misread each other. 
And something like that can be really helpful as a reset because it reminds people that it's not personal. It wasn't intended personally. And a couple of questions often work well at this stage. So things like, what do you need from each other to work together effectively? What would good look like over the next month? What needs to change from both of you? 
here. And these questions shift the conversation forward. We don't want to spend the whole meeting replaying the issue. We need people to feel heard, but at some point the focus has to move to what happens next. 
So this takes us to step three, and this is the part that can get rushed, but it's the part that makes the biggest difference. Because conflict isn't really resolved because you've had one conversation. It's resolved when the behaviour changes. So before the meeting ends, you need to agree on clear, practical actions, not vague promises, like we're going to communicate better. 
but specific changes that each person can actually follow. And that might be agreeing to raise concerns directly with each other rather than with other people. It might be agreeing to let each other finish speaking in meetings. It might be agreeing to clarify priorities and deadlines. It might be putting in place regular short check-ins. 
And just as importantly, there may also be manager actions that need to sit alongside that, especially if it was unclear roles or poor workload balance or a lack of structure that contributed to the conflict, then part of the solution may sit with you. You may need to tighten up responsibilities, reset team norms, 
Be clear about decision making or put more support around a team member who's under pressure. 
And this is why conflict resolution is not just about getting two people in a room and hoping for the best. It's about making sure the conditions around the conflict are also addressed. And once you have those actions agreed, summarise them in writing. It can just be in an e-mail, capture the issue briefly, factual terms, confirm what's been agreed. 
and include any manager actions or support that will also be put in place. And depending on the situation, you may need to also outline what will happen if the agreement isn't followed. And this is what creates clarity and accountability. And it reduces the risk of different people walking away with different versions of what was decided. 
And of course, then you want to set a check-in date. So depending on the issue, it might be two weeks, three weeks, could be a month. But the point is to come back to it deliberately rather than assuming that silence means success. It's a big mistake. You know, so this follow-up sends an important message. It shows it wasn't just a one-off conversation. We weren't just ticking a box. 
Behaviour matters, culture matters, and when issues arise, they're taken seriously and seen through properly. 
So there are a few things I would try not to do when managing conflict between employees. The first is ignoring it and just hoping it'll go away. And I know it's an easy option. Well, it feels that way. And we're busy, but it is always the one that makes things blow up later. You know, sometimes we're worried about making things worse by saying something, but 
It actually just gives more time for the issue to grow. The second is forcing a joint conversation too early. If emotions are high and you haven't taken the time to understand what's really happening, bringing people together can just really backfire. The third is taking sides too quickly. As soon as someone feels that you've already decided on what that person is the problem, 
then we have issues because that's where defensiveness just goes up and the chance of a productive outcome goes down. And finally, I would avoid treating conflict as purely an employee problem if there are wider leadership or process issues at play. Sometimes repeated conflict is a sign that team standards aren't clear enough, 
roles overlap too much, poor behaviour has been tolerated, or managers haven't stepped in early enough. So it's worth being honest about that and having a look at your processes. 
Now, it is important that you know when it needs to become a formal process, because not every issue should be handled informally like this. And depending on the issue, there may be some legal obligations that mean you can't handle it like this. You know, this three-step approach works well for general workplace conflict, things like communication breakdowns, frustrations, tension. 
just relationship But if there are concerns about bullying, harassment, discrimination, threats, victimisation, or repeated unreasonable behaviour, then that's where an informal process is often not enough. And you need to go to that more formal complaints or misconduct process instead. And this is where your policies really matter. 
And it's really important to get professional HR support early so that you're handling the issue appropriately and consistently. So if I was to sum this up simply, handling conflict professionally comes down to three things. First, slow it down, understand what's really happening. Second, bring people together to reset expectations and rebuild a workable professional relationship. 
And third, make sure there is a clear agreement, follow through and accountability afterwards. 
Conflict is uncomfortable for most people, and I don't think there are many business owners or leaders that enjoy dealing with it, but avoiding it will cost more in the long run. When conflict is handled early and well, it can strengthen communication, build trust, and reinforce a healthy team culture. When it's ignored, it tends to quietly damage performance, morale, 
and retention. And especially in smaller businesses, you will feel that cost quickly. If you're dealing with conflict in your team right now, my encouragement would be to not panic, but also to not avoid it. Stay calm, stay fair, get clear on what's actually happening, and deal with it in a way that's respectful. 
practical and consistent. And if this is something that you're navigating in your business and you actually need some more support, you can book a discovery call with us at Amplify HR. We're very happy to work it through with you. The link is in the show description. 
And if you've received value from this episode, I would love it if you could share this with a fellow business owner or manager who's building their team this year. You can also show us the love by leaving a rating or a review over at Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Thank you so much for joining me. If you have any feedback, questions or ideas for future episodes, head on over to amplifyhr.com.au or connect with me on LinkedIn and we can start a conversation.