At 11, Millie Almost Gave Up Now She’s Helping Others Heal

In this deeply honest episode of The Resilience Files: Unlocked, host Carrie Bernans sits down with 13-year-old Millie Waters to discuss her journey through bullying, depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation after traumatic experiences beginning at just 11 years old.

With incredible courage and vulnerability, Millie opens up about the emotional impact bullying had on her mental health, the long road toward healing, and the importance of having supportive people who truly listen and care. She also shares how creative outlets like theater, writing, and performance became a lifeline during some of her darkest moments.

Now proudly seven months free from self-harm, Millie hopes her story reminds other young people that they are not alone and that healing, while not linear, is possible.

This episode is a powerful conversation about resilience, youth mental health, recovery, creativity, self-acceptance, and finding hope again after pain.

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of bullying, self-harm, depression, suicidal ideation, and trauma.

Key Takeaways

• Sharing your story can help others feel less alone.
• Healing is not linear and takes time, patience, and support.
• Bullying can create long-lasting emotional wounds and trust issues.
• Self-harm should be taken seriously and approached with compassion.
• Creative outlets like theater, writing, and performance can support healing.
• Supportive adults and safe relationships can make a life-changing difference.
• Young people deserve to have their emotions validated and heard.
• Recovery is possible, even after extremely dark moments.
• Encouragement and gentle guidance matter more than perfection.
• Embracing your uniqueness is part of learning to love yourself.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

When you feel like life has got you a hand of unfair cards. Instead of voting, you double down. You get stuck in the game. You face battles. You felt broken. But hey, do us a favor. Put your hand on your heart. You feel that. You're still here. Welcome to the Resilience Files Unlocked, where survival meets transformation. Welcome to the Resilience Files Podcast. We are back. I'm your host, Carrie Vernon's actress, Stunt Woman. This space was created for honest conversations about survival, healing, reinvention, and the quiet strength it takes to keep going when life doesn't always look like what you imagined. Before we begin, I want to offer a trigger warning for this episode. This episode includes discussions around self-harm, abuse, childhood, trauma, but also overcoming. So if you need a moment, please take care of yourself while listening to this episode. And as a reminder, we are not therapists. We are survivors telling this story, shared live experiences to inspire others. This show is meant to amplify voices, not to diagnose or to provide clinical advice. I am so honored that we have such a lovely young guest on today. As we do in the lovely manners of the Resilient Spouse podcast, we love to read our guest essay. Our guest today is only 13 years old, and she has shared such a vulnerable story in her young life journey. And I believe that this story is going to inspire so many young youth and maybe also give some nuggets to a parent that's out there or a guardian or maybe your grandma and grandpa that wants some advice on how to understand your young person. So without further ado, Millie wants to read her episode on today. So we'll let Millie take it on. Hi my name is Millie Waters.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

I'm 13 years old, and when I was 10 to 12, I struggled a lot a lot with things such as suicidal ideations, self-harm addiction, and anorexia. Before I begin, I would like to say if you're struggling with any of these, I hope my story inspires you and gives you a bit of hope. If you have been thinking about suicide, please text or call 988 Suicide Prevention Hotline, as they are available twenty four seven, and they have helped me through some of my most intense moments. There are people out there like me who care about you and you are not alone. Even if it doesn't seem that way. Now here's my story. I grew up with a pretty chub mom and a punk rock dad. I was an absolute social butterfly, the biggest fall of sunshine you'd ever meet, always wearing a smile on my face, but somewhere inside me I've always been different. I was bullied by two girls who I thought were friends most of my childhood, without even knowing it. I moved schools hoping for a better end to my elementary years in fourth grade, which is where it all started. I was bullied right off the bat. Blue hair shampoo with a pixie gut, gapped teeth, loud, and I really only had two friends, one of wh one of which got mad at me for everything I did, and the other one also got made fun of, but didn't really care. The teasing was light in fourth grade, but little did I know what was ahead of me the next year. In fifth grade, I was very mature for my age. Having been different my whole life, I had learned to mask who I really wasn't and mold myself to to fit into social mores. It was and still is hard for me to fit in. The kids seemed to be more mean that year. I did make one true friend and he was just amazing, and I loved that he was there with me, but the bullying was continuous and no one was doing anything about it. I vividly remember I would sob and beg my mom to let me stay home from school and leave my bag at home so that we would go back and I would be late. Eventually I gave up trying to help myself so I spiraled down into depression, along with suicidal ideation. And as an eleven year old saying, I think I have depression, that can feel extremely belittling. How could someone so young deal with something so serious, right? So I kept it to myself for a very long time. In the summer of that year is when I got addicted to self-harm. I did not think that I was valid for feeling that way. I didn't even I didn't even know that it was a thing. I felt like I was the only one in the entire world going through something like that, feeling like that in a world surrounded by people who look like they don't have a care in the world can be really scary. I did my best to hide it, but it was not easy to hide. So my parents found out. I d I had to tell them everything that was going on, and they took me to the hospital, and that's when the doctors talked about putting me in a mental hospital, and that was terrifying. I I was carefully watched after that and going to therapy once a week, which kinda helped me, I guess. It was nice to be able to speak about my feelings without feeling judged. I transferred to a new school in sixth grade, hoping that this year would be better. The first couple of weeks I actually sat by myself at the lunch table as if it were a movie. Like actually. I ended up eating lunch in the bathroom and watching plagiarized downloaded South Park v episodes on my phone. The schoolwork was overwhelming and everyone seemed to have a friend except for me. Later on that year, I became friends with the popular girls and started to change everything about myself once again. One girl in particular who wanted to be friends with me, I later found out was very unstable. Vape addiction, she was in psychosis, and she had sexually assaulted me. I did my best to I did my best to help her, but what I learned is that you can't push your own issues to the side to help someone else. I told an adult and was met with the classic, you're both kids, she doesn't know any better. And if you've ever been told this, you are valid. And that is not an excuse. As one may assume, we stopped being friends and I spiraled back into depression very, very hard. I had insomnia, I went back into self-harm, got anorexia, and I was isolating myself and losing touch with reality. It was the scariest thing I think I've ever witnessed. My parents and I took yet another trip to the hospital and a couple more months of therapy. When the new year came around, I made a new friend, and this girl was artistic, and it seemed that she could be herself no matter what, and that kind of made me feel like I could too. That gave me hope and pulled me out of that hole, at least for a little while. As the school year came to an end, I started feeling myself falling down again. I had started taking voice lessons, and my vocal coach told me about a play that her kids were auditioning for. I have only really ever done TV acting, so this was new to me, but I decided to give it a try. I got quite an important role, actually, and I fell in love with the theater. I loved performing. I felt so seen and heard, and everyone thought I was funny. Everyone who surrounded me was different, but at the same time, they understood me. I met so many people that I'm still friends with even today. Everyone has different coping mechanisms, whether it's listening to music, screaming, writing your thoughts and feelings down, etc., minus theater acting and writing music. I find that I am very fond of poetry as well. Everybody struggles with something, whether it's big or small, you matter and you're valid. I still struggle with some issues, but I've learned how to cope. That happened to me at such a young age as caused me to be very avoidant in friendships and change my styles and how I act constantly because I forgot exactly who I am, but I am working on it. And being here, allowing myself to be vulnerable and hoping to help other people, like maybe like you, yourself out of that depression hole.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Millie, thank you so much for trusting me with that. Hearing it read out loud by yourself. How do you feel right now? Yeah. No, I feel like sometimes hearing our story spoken back or just even read out loud reminds us of how far we've come. I wanna get into first off, thank you again for like being open to share this story with us. Cause I also recognize that you are so young, you are so vulnerable, and you are also so you have so much perspective that the world needs. Let's talk about your life before everything happened. Like, who were you? You said you were born to a cool mom and a punk rock dad. I think that's such a cool combination. Go parent. You know, before you started in the season of life that you were in, where you felt like your friend groups were kind of falling apart and you were going into what you consider depression, like the first time before you like went to the hospital because you were, you know, dealing with some, you know, thoughts of harming yourself or you were harming yourself. Who were you before that? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

I just I don't remember a lot of it. I remember I remember that I was very sociable. I talked talked a lot. And I still do today. I I I talk a lot. Right. I was very did I did a lot of sports.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

I did swim team. I remember that. I love that. Tell me about swim team. Do you remember what was your earliest moment before you felt like you were spiraling and you were going into a depressive state or spiraling and you felt like you wanted to harm yourself? Do you remember? Tell us about that, Millie.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Or if you don't remember that, Millie, it's okay to I remember I remember the Christmas where I got a tablet and I really wanted an iPad.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Yeah, how did you feel getting a tablet instead of an iPad? I was kind of sad, but like I was thankful. Were you sad because like everyone got an iPad, or or was it just like you felt like you just wanted an iPad and that was that?

SPEAKER_01 9:00

It was just kind of like all my friends were getting an iPad and I really wanted one too, so that I could like talk to them. I don't really understand why I was so upset, but I was.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Okay, so you described yourself as a social butterfly, right? A ball of sunshine, but also feeling different inside. When did you start first noticing that you were feeling different?

SPEAKER_01 9:21

I mean, in fourth grade, I was being told I was different, but I kind of looking back at everything now, I kind of just realized that I have always been just like very Ye I don't know. I just I've always been I I've never really fit in anywhere. And I know that sounds like very, very corny, but like I don't I don't know. I've just I've always had when I was like six I had a pixie cut and I haven't had long hair since then too.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

Well you were six and you had a pixie cut, was it that your decision that you wanted a pixie cut and you just decided to keep it that way? I cut my own hair. Yeah. That's cool. Well, it's first off, I want to tell you that it's nothing wrong with being different. It's nothing wrong with feeling different. When you said that people told you you were different, what exactly do you remember what people were telling me?

SPEAKER_01 10:09

I remember people told me that I like they were just like really mean. I don't specifically remember what they were like, what they were saying, but like they were they were Yeah, kids can be mean sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

I don't like that. And just because you're different or you got a cool pixie cut and they don't, doesn't mean that the difference has to be mean. The difference can be so cool, and I think we have to start honoring the cool part of us being different. I think for so often that the world tells us that being normal or being the same or dress like this or do like this is the way to do it, but reality is we are all completely born with different things about us, and once we start embracing that, we can fully start loving ourselves. Did you have like words back then that you felt that you wanted to tell people when they said that, or did you kind of allow it to just live in? I kind of just like let it sit there.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

I don't I don't ever like remember fighting back. There was this one time in sixth grade where I punched a kid because he punched me first, but like Well, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 11:06

Sometimes I need a little whack right back, but um, but no, I'm happy you defend it yourself. Like nobody should be hitting anybody in the first place. But I'm I hope that the teacher or a principal or somebody helped out then because we don't we don't tolerate bullying. Yeah. And let's get into bullying. You talked about being bullied by people you thought were your friends. Like, what did that teach you about trust at such a young age?

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Oh yeah, that has given me a a lot of trust issues in the future. Apparently, uh the girl who I thought like the girls who I thought were my friends, the two girls who are still my neighbors, they still talk about me.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

Well, you know what? That's a their problem and it's not a your problem. And you know what? You are giving people something to talk about. You are beautiful, you have cool color hair, you embrace your uniqueness and your differentiality. People are so scared of doing that because they're afraid that if they stand out, people are gonna talk about them. But hello, like people, I mean, when people sorry, when people choose to stand out, they make history, they go beyond the norm, they tell others it's okay to embrace yourself. So even if those girls are still talking about you, I want you to still remind yourself that you are unique, you're beautiful, you're giving them something to talk about. And guess what? One day you're gonna be the person that inspires them to fully learn to love and embrace themselves. So, you know what, girls, I'll send you a backs of popcorn. Keep on because Millie's Millie's only going up from here, okay? Right, Mills? Yeah. Right, okay, good. You mentioned learning to mask and mode yourself to fit in. What parts of yourself did you feel like you had to have?

SPEAKER_01 12:41

So, like last year when I became friends with the popular girls, kind of like I can show you a picture. I became very like pink and obsessed with like skincare and stuff. I just became a lot like them. I I very like mirrored their personalities.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Yeah. Did you feel like you had to mirror their personalities in order to fit in and to be friends with them? Yeah, you're shaking your head, yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like if you weren't yourself, then they wouldn't be friends with you? How did you decide to end that friendship? Or do you still have that friendship?

SPEAKER_01 13:12

It wasn't really my choice. I don't know. They all just kind of ganged up against me. I know that sounds really that sounds really weird, but like they literally, there was one time after that one girl did that to me. Um, they all texted me. Like they all texted me and like was like insulting me and like cursing me out, and I was like, whoa, what?

SPEAKER_02 13:32

No, times out. We had to take a little pause here. Once that girl did that thing to you, times out. Did were your parents involved in this? Do we have the school involved? Do we have the police involved? Because that is not right.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

No, because well, my school was so stupid because when that all that happened, she nothing happened to her. Like she didn't get any punishment because she was a kid as well.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

It doesn't matter. I don't care. It doesn't matter, right? So I think like if this is happening to you, you're listening to this episode, don't happen on the issue. Like, you know, I hope that your parents, I know that your mom woman has been advocating for you, but we have to continue to push past this. I don't care if you're a child or your adult, if anything like assault in any way happens to you, that is something that you carry and that something needs to be escalated and something needs to be handled. We cannot just sit here and pretend that this is normal because it's not normal. That's such a heavy thing for a child to carry, or anyone for that matter. And I'm so sorry that happened to you. And honestly, something should be done. That's not right. And I'm so sorry that happened to you. You never deserved that.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Absolutely. You said um You said something about telling yourself that I think I have depression, and you felt like it was belittling because of your age. What did it feel like carrying those type of thoughts along?

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Well, my dad um told me once about like how he had depression at like 16. So I felt like if I had depression and I was 11, being that young and having depression, I thought that was not a thing. I thought that I couldn't have depression, like there wasn't a possible way.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

Yeah. But you don't have to be a certain age to be in pain.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

I know. It's just I didn't know that then.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Yeah, absolutely. And I'm sorry you had to carry that. What was it like? Like, was there a part of you that wanted someone to notice?

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yeah, but at the same time, if someone would ask me if I was okay, I would just be like, yes.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

You make a very good point here. And I think so often so many people are so afraid of telling or sharing that vulnerable truth that something is not okay. What kind of advice would you give to a parent or to a teacher, to a guardian of a child that may be going through a moment of depression or sadness? How do you tell them to get in and be able to talk to their child to share this, even when their child is saying that they're okay?

SPEAKER_01 15:52

It is the it is the best thing for you to be gentle. Like your child is going through such a fragile and like mentally scarring point of their life. And for you to like yell at them will not help at all. I don't know, getting mad at them or trying to rush everything is just it's not gonna work. Just it's gonna make them it's gonna make it worse.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

So I appreciate you sharing that. If you can give us an example, if you wanted someone to ax you or how do they gently continue to axe you even when you say I'm okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Kind of just like I like if you if you know that they're not okay, you should I feel like it would be a good thing to say that, like, like I know you're not okay, I'd your parent, you can tell me anything, I will understand. Just like give them a lot of support. That's exactly what they need, support.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Yeah. So continue to say, I know you're not okay, and I'm here, I know you're not okay, but I'm your parent. I know you're not okay, but I'm your mom, and you can tell me anything. Like, I'm not gonna judge you, I'm here for you, like those type of words. Thank you for that. You shared very openly about struggling with self-harm. What do you wish adults understood better about why kids turn turn to be stuck?

SPEAKER_01 17:07

It's not something that I can really control. And that's what a lot of people think. They think just like don't do it. But it's actually like there are different kinds of addictions. There's chemical addiction or like drug drug abuse or like alcohol abuse addiction, stuff like that. And then there's also behavioral addictions, which is stuff that you can't really stop yourself from doing. That can be like from pulling out your eyelashes or biting your nails or self-harming. And a lot of people, I feel like, don't really take behavioral addictions very seriously, but self-harming is a behavioral addiction and it's not something that you can control. It's just yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

Thank you for that. But do you believe there's triggers that come prior to it happening? What type of triggers during that phase of your life triggered you going into self-harm?

SPEAKER_01 17:59

Well, for me, it's very different for everyone. Everyone has different experiences, but for me, it was kind of just very intense moments because my emotions go like a seesaw. They're either like really happy or really sad, or just like I don't really feel anything much at all. So in those very intense moments, I would be very upset and I would get vivid memories of what like of what I was upset about and things that have happened to me in my past that I will not get into. I would I it would just kind of like I feel like I would trigger myself. I would kind of be like, I would kind of make myself kind of.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

I I don't I don't know if that is the best wording for it, but like Yeah, I think what you're saying is like you would have these memories of the things that happened in the past and they would probably upset you and you were thinking on them so much that it made you upset and angry. Yeah. That makes sense. You know, so often we like reflect on the past and we get upset and angry about things or the way they went and wanting things to change, but it's sometimes it's very difficult to let go of what has happened in the past or forgive our past selves or forgive people that have hurt us, but it's also essential for growth and to be able to live a more peaceful life. And I always say you don't have to you don't always have to forget, but it's important to forgive. And it's the forgiving is not just for it's not for the person, it's for you, so you don't hold on to that emotional weight, you know. When your parents found out and they took you to the hospital, what emotions were you feeling? Were you upset and angry with them? Were you happy? Or or how were you at that moment?

SPEAKER_01 19:39

I was I was very scared. Like I was I was hopeful, but I kind of just felt like it was my first time going through that, so I kind of felt like there was no hope for me to get better from that. And that was just terrifying. Like I would have to go through that j all just to not get better.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Yeah. I'm sorry, it sounds like it does sound scary, but it also sounds brave. And I I applaud your parents for loving you so much that they decided to get you help. I think so often people end up in situations where no one receives any help at all, or worse, something terrible happens, but your parents loved you and they wanted to get you help. When you were in the hospital, was there anything that stuck with you on what the doctor said or therapist said that you feel like another young person needs to hear? Or you know, maybe you can share your hospital experience with us if you remember or if you feel comfortable. It's no pressure, but when you when your parents took you to the hospital, you remember Do you remember what they said or what the doctor said and how they wanted to help you?

SPEAKER_01 20:49

I remember I was in a hospital gown and they gave me an apple plushie and they talked to me a little bit and I was I wasn't the most open with them. But then they brought in a psychiatrist and he was just threatening that like if you don't cooperate, we're gonna send you to a mental hospital, and that was so terrifying to me.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

I mean my parents were trying to be supportive. They were like, he's a psychiatrist, he knows what he's doing, or he's a psychologist, he knows what he's doing. But my gosh, I was scarred. I did not I hated the thought of going to the mental hospital.

SPEAKER_02 21:24

Yeah. So do you remember what decided for them not to take you or to take you to the mental hospital?

SPEAKER_01 21:30

I was kinda I I said that I would literally like I would do anything to not go. And so they put me in therapy for a couple months. Do you feel like therapy? Yeah, sometimes it was inconvenient. What was the inconvenience part? There were a lot of things that I just I wanted to do. Like after school events or like before school events, it would very enter a lot of my other schedules. I'm very picky about that. So it would just like it would ruin some of my other schedules and ruin some of my other plans, and it was just and I would be in a good mood, so I would. Have nothing to talk about.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

Yeah, I understand. I think during that time of your life, consistency was probably the most important thing just to ensure that you were supported, you know? I appreciate you sharing that with me. You talked about eating lunch alone and in the bathroom. What was you what was going on in your mind during that time?

SPEAKER_01 22:18

I actually wasn't too mad about that. I didn't really want to be friends with anyone after the previous year.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Yeah. I can that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

I don't really remember that that portion. It was the very beginning of sixth grade, so I don't really remember.

SPEAKER_02 22:35

Yeah. I mean, did you wish someone would have said something to you or invited you to lunch? Have you ever went up to someone and just said, Hey, can I eat lunch with you?

SPEAKER_01 22:44

I grew into being a very shy person. Like I had to use a whiteboard to talk to people like at the end of fifth grade. Yeah, I understand.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Or do you still consider yourself a shy person? No, no, not except no. Yeah. That's cool. I I kind of want to get back into one point right quick because I just feel like somebody listening today may feel like invalidated by the way the adults responded to you in a situation that involves sexual assault and the fact that the adults said that you were both kids. I believe you deserve to be believed and to be protected. What do you want other kids to know if something happens like this to them?

SPEAKER_01 23:26

If something has happened, if you have gotten sexual sexually assaulted by another child, that gives the adults in that situation no right to say, you're both kids. She didn't know any better, or he didn't know any better. Because you are also a kid, and I don't think that you would sexually assault someone. That it their age has nothing to do with it. It's the way that they've acted. And the way that they acted was they sexually assaulted someone and they should be held accountable for that. So just know that you are valid and you don't you shouldn't just Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

They are validated. Thank you. Shame on those adults, shame on that person. And I still think that you should do something. I'm gonna send you all an email when we finish, but I still think that something has to be done. Like it's not right. You don't you shouldn't have to live with this, and the same kid could go around doing the same thing, and they can grow into an adult doing the same thing, and that is harmful, and no one deserves that. You didn't you never deserve that, Millie. So I'm so sorry again. You were talking about finding a safe friend, about like meeting a new friend who made you feel safe to be yourself. You said they were artistic. What was different about that friendship?

SPEAKER_01 24:37

They kind of just allowed me to be myself around them. I'm no longer friends with them today, but they they definitely made me happy.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

And when you say they made you happy, like were they just they allowed you to be yourself, you said, right? And they were themselves. Do you feel comfortable sharing why you all are not friends today?

SPEAKER_01 24:57

So this year I made a new friend, and me and that friend got into a big argument, or not really an argument, but like it's it's a lot, it's a lot, and I'm I was I'm very upset about why that person, the way that that person acts, it just makes me it doesn't matter, but um, the girl the person who was friends with me last year and all of their friends who were kind of my friends, I guess. I don't really hang out with them much anymore, they all took my the friend that I'm no longer friends with side. But yeah, they just they don't talk to me anymore.

SPEAKER_02 25:32

Well, I'm sorry. I will say this as you grow older, you're gonna continue to set more boundaries on friendships that matter to you and people that make you feel safe about being yourself and people that make you feel protected and people that are not about picking and choosing sides, you know, and whatever happened, I'm sure you made the decision that was best for you. And I'm sure that at the end of the day, you're also teaching them something too. So I'm sorry that that happened to you, but I'm also like, you have to protect your mental health and you have to protect who you are, your values, your core, those things, you know. You um mentioned about theater being a turning point at that time of your life. Like theater made you feel seen, heard, understood. What if performing unlocked inside of you?

SPEAKER_01 26:19

Performing for a live audience, just like especially having a big role where just people are looking at me and they're understanding what I'm saying, and I can just be any version of someone that I would like to be, and people will just see me like that. I just I love that idea so much, and I just I love the art of theater, and it just it has inspired me so much, and I I love doing it.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

I love that. You know, sometimes we find ourselves in the places we least expect, and those places heal us and they see us and they allow us to be free in a different in a different way. Maybe that's when you went from being shy to being a little bit more bubbly to the world. I assume so. I love that. Um, you mentioned that you've been coping and healing through theater and writing music. How do you feel like that helped you release what you're carrying? And if another kid is going through something right now, what do you think could help them during their coping and healing journey?

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Well, everyone has different coping mechanisms and ways of healing, and healing is not a fast process, it's a very slow and hard process. So finding your coping mechanism, I think is the best. Like finding something that brings you joy. For me, that was theater, and writing music, I don't do much of, but I do write a lot. I'm very, very, very big into literature. So for writing and poetry, I think is a great coping mechanism because it helps you get out, it helps you convert your feelings into words.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

That's beautiful. What does a hard day look like for you now compared to before now that you've started learning coping and healing?

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Hard day for me is uh it would look something like I would only come um come out of my bed when I absolutely have to for like using the restroom or something. I will like not go to school sometimes. Like I said, I still struggle with some stuff just because my emotions are I'm pretty sure I'm not quite sure because it wasn't fully diagnosed, but like I have a chemical imbalance in my brain or something. But my emotions get very out of hand sometimes, and some days I just I uh can't really find the strength to go to school or interact with other people. So um sometimes I'll just stay home and um just kind of rest and I write poetry even on good days. I write poetry anytime and it just it makes me it makes me very it ups it lifts my mood a lot. Because theater for theater, I can't always I can't always go to a rehearsal, but poetry is always there for me to write my my feelings down.

SPEAKER_02 28:55

That's really good. Yeah, and I think that's growth even if it's not perfect, but you're like no more self-harming, right? So like the worst of it is just like trying to get out of bed at those moments.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

I'm seven months in something free of self-harm.

SPEAKER_02 29:10

You better go, Millie. Yes I'm so proud of you. I'm so, so proud of you. Well, thank you. That's beautiful. Yeah, absolutely. You said you're still figuring out who Millie really is. What are you learning about yourself right now at this moment?

SPEAKER_01 29:27

Well, I know that I I know for a fact that I am an energetic person. Yeah. And that I like literature a lot. I will still sometimes mirror other people's personalities without like realizing it. But in truth, I just think that that is because I want them to like me.

SPEAKER_02 29:46

Yeah. I think a lot of people do that. A lot of people lean into what other people are doing because they want to belong. They want to find the community, their tribe. And I think that with time you will find that community, you will find that tribe. Instead of mimicking whoever you're gonna say, I can be Millie, I could be myself, and they're gonna love me just the way I am, and I fit in because uh I'm different and they're different, and we embrace our differences. What do you love about yourself too?

SPEAKER_01 30:14

I really like my hair. My hair is priorities.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

I am very proud of what of my writing skills. Like I can I can write very fast. You love that. Okay, okay, Millie.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

Mills with the pin, Mills with the writing. Hey, look, artists for sure. A young person is listening to this right now, and they feel the way you once felt. What would you want them to hear?

SPEAKER_01 30:42

You are not alone. I just hope that you know that. Even if it feels like that, you are not alone. And there are so many people out there who love you. Whatever religion that you believe in, if you even believe in one, I'm sure that higher being loves you very, very, very much. Yeah, you're not alone, and things do get better. They absolutely do.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

I love that. Thank you, Millie. Um my last question for you today would be if you could sit with younger Millie for a moment, what would you tell her?

SPEAKER_01 31:10

I would tell her that it's gonna get better and for me to just push through and that life is not easy because I mean I don't think anyone had told me that back then. So I think that if younger me could hear that and like, yeah. I don't really know.

SPEAKER_02 31:29

Yeah. I think that's beautiful. I think that's I think that matters, and I think younger Millie would appreciate hearing that. Really, your story matters, your voice matters, and the courage you have at 13 is extraordinary, and I just want to thank you so much for just being so trusting with me and with the Resilient Spouths podcast on sharing your story, and I know it's gonna encourage so many people. Truly appreciate it. Do you have any music out? How can we support you? How can the listeners tune in? Or or are you writing anything? If not, we'll look out for you in the future. Don't you worry.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

So if you want to, you don't have to. You could follow my my TikTok. Okay. What's the TikTok? I'm like 99% sure it's Maggot Eater in all lowercase, but it might not be. It could be uncooked tater tots. No, it's it's I love Elasmo Brankies too.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

Okay, we're gonna put that in the notes on wherever you hear a podcast, you will be able to find Millie's TikTok. Millie, feel free to share your, you can show your TikTok now, but I will put it in the notes below. You can send it to me. I love it. Beautiful, beautiful. I'm so excited to I'll follow you as well. And if someone's listening today and you're young and you're hurting, I want you to know that you're not broken, you're not alone, and your future is still wide open. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with somebody who needs it. Follow the resilience files unlocked on all platforms and email us at resifiles at gmail.com if you have a resilient story you'll like to share. Until next time, stay strong, stay healthy, stay hopeful, and keep the resilience alive. You got this.