At 13, Liam Faced More Than Most Adults Ever Will

At just 13 years old, Liam faced a rare disease, chemotherapy, hospital stays, mental health struggles, and challenges most adults never experience.

But through it all, he kept going.

In this powerful episode of The Resilience Files: Unlocked, Liam shares his journey through illness, resilience, family support, hope, and learning how to find strength even on the hardest days.

✨ "Life's gonna throw curveballs at you."
✨ "It does get easier, but you have to do it every day."
✨ "I promise you there are going to be people that will miss you."

This is one of the most honest and inspiring conversations of the season.

🎙️ Now streaming on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, and wherever you listen to podcasts.

#TheResilienceFiles #LiamHall #RareDiseaseAwareness #MentalHealthAwareness #Resilience #Hope #YouthVoices #Podcast #Healing #Inspiration

Transcript

0:01

When you feel like life has dealt you a hand of unfair cards. Instead of voting, you double down and you stuck in the game. You face battles. You felt broken. But hey, do us a favor. Put your hand on your heart. You feel that? You're still here. Welcome to the Resilience Files Unlocked, where survival meets transformation. Welcome to the Resilient Spiles Podcast. I'm your host, Carrie Bernins, and I am so excited about today's guest. Liam is 13 years old. He has a phenomenal story. Here at the Resilient Spales, we are not therapists. We cannot diagnose you. We are here to inspire you and share real stories to help get you out of the funk, get you out of the darkness sometimes. Sometimes people need to hear other people's stories that have been through what you're going through or what you might be in the middle of. Without further ado, this essay is from Liam himself, and Liam wants to read the essay on this episode. Thank you, Liam. Feel free to take it away. Hello, my name is Liam Hall, and this is my story about, and this is gonna be a mouthful here, Hannock, Shawn Lin Kripura, or HSP. A little bit on a side note, just to grasp a little bit about the my mental state further on. I was diagnosed with a light case of autism when I was two years old, but I didn't get HSP until I was nine. Turns out that the flu I had a few days before the start of my fourth grade year caused something that would be the most traumatic and painful three years of my life. It started as a few red dots on my legs. Nothing bad you would think, right? A few days later, I couldn't stand without crying from pure pain. When I arrived to the ER for the first time out of many, the doctors and nurses didn't know what was wrong with me, so I was left with an IV in my wrist and thinking I was gonna turn to patient zero. I was sent home as they couldn't do anything to help me, and it got worse. As for the entire month of that year's September, my stomach felt like it was being stomped on by an elephant. I would vomit twice a day, once if I was lucky, and refused to eat more than a cracker, thinking it would make it worse. Finally, I was taken to the children's hospital for a skin biopsy so that my doctors would know what to do next. It led to high doses of steroids through an infusion. That didn't work, so they put me on rituximab infusions. That didn't work either, so they put me on chemotherapy. All of that caused my immunoglobulins to drop so low that they needed to put me on immunotherapy as well. They essentially had to kill my immune system for a reason I can't really remember. But I know that I had to be homebound, a fancy way of saying homeschooled, for two years. I even had to take versed, which is a type of sedative or something like that. Basically loopy juice. During infusions, due to the amount of grief they caused me as they got harder and harder to do on the first try. I was also put on a few pills, such as Celsept, and the main cause of my trauma, steroids. No, not the ones that make you buff, ones that make you look like the Stape Puff marshmallow man. But more on that later. As I'm going to talk about the great, the magnificent Dr. Weiser. He was incredible, cracking jokes whenever he could and making me feel better when I needed it. Unfortunately, he had to leave due to something about going back to his hometown. That memory's fuzzy, so I'm not quite sure. I am sure that he was replaced, seems like a derogatory term, but I can't think of anything better. Replaced by Dr. Cron, who isn't as great as him, but is still pretty good. Not to mention that he's had patients who have had HSP before, so he knows what he's doing. He was the one who prescribed me with steroids. This worked at first. No symptoms. I almost felt normal. Until the long-term use side effects kicked in. Depression, anxiety, anger issues, cataracts. It was bad. It got so bad that I wanted to stop existing. I'm not comfortable saying the actual term, but I hope you get it. Eventually, a solution showed itself. Finally. I went to my mom to the Children's of Philadelphia to see the head of the rheumatology department, Dr. Barns. Burns? Yeah. B-E-H-E-A or B-E-H-E-R-N-S. Do with that what you will. Yes. Barns. He said that I should slowly taper off of my medication. If all goes well, yeepee. If not, I would go back to the least amount of said treatment that would work until I eventually wouldn't have to take anything. I am now 13, as stated earlier, attending my second year of being in school on campus. My mental health has improved dramatically. I am on no medication. I have zero symptoms, and I've learned a valuable lesson. Life's gonna throw curveballs at you, and some of them are gonna hit you smack dab in the face. The best thing you can do is just dust yourself and throw it right back at them. What I'm saying is, life sucks sometimes. I have no better way to say that, but that doesn't mean you have to let it completely ruin it for you. You'll go through ups and downs, that's the point of life, the way I see it. You can't have actual happiness if you haven't had a moment of sadness to make it worthwhile. Wow. Liam, you sure you're 13? I am sure I am 13. I actually um was taught how to speak. I didn't pick it up from my parents, so I do have a pretty good sense of vocabulary. No, you do. I love that. Liam, thank you so much for sharing that, and thank you for trusting us with something so vulnerable and your sense of humor and your intellect and just how you described your experiences is so so beautiful. And I just want to just check in with you right now and to ask you, how are you doing today? I am doing perfectly fine. I had a uh I was about to say civics geography quiz today. Pretty sure I flunked it. Doesn't matter, I'll be fine. Oh yeah, why do you think you flunked it? It was countries and I didn't know a single one. Except for like two. Oh yeah. Are you studying and are you doing your homework? Yes, I am, actually. Yeah. Well good. Well, you know uh just you can always ask your teacher for extra credit or to retest, you know, and figure out what you need to to work on and you got this. Me personally, I'm not gonna ask for a retest or request ever like that in my life, in my opinion. It's just like okay, that's done, that's done. Like, done better, could have studied harder, whatever. You'll get him next time, champ. Okay. Okay, I feel your mindset. I feel it, I feel it, I understand. What do you remember the first time you got what what do you remember but the first time you got sick? Do you remember that? I know you were really young. First time I got sick, a few key moments. I remember that the spots on my legs, which are literally called papira. I forgot to mention this in the episode, but I'm pretty sure it's just inflamed or bursted blood vessels in my legs. Yeah. But I remember thinking that bugs hated me for some reason that particular year. And you were thinking there were bug bites? I remember heading to lunch one day. We were lined up as a class, I felt like perfectly fine beforehand, but then like as we were lining up, I had this huge wave of nausea, and then just breakfast out the window, or out the mouth window. Yeah. Mouth window, I like that. Well, I understand you were experiencing all of these things during that time, and at first, like you said, you thought it was just bug bites, or you thought maybe nausea, or you weren't really sure, and then you went to the doctor and you got this diagnosis, and then you were in and out the hospitals. How did it feel being in and out the hospitals at that age? Well, the diagnosis didn't come until like a while after I'd had it. Like for the longest time, we didn't know what was happening. I was stuck thinking that I was gonna recreate. Which one has patient zero in it? The Last of Us Walking Dead, one of those? Yeah. One of those popular zombie franchises. Yes. So during that process of between trying to figure out what's wrong and getting the diagnosis, what was what was going through your mind? Being in and out of the hospital, you mean? Yes. Um it sucked, especially considering that I believe this was either the high doses of steroids via infusion or the Rituximab, one of those two, but I had to stay there for like an entire day. I had to spend the night there. They had good food though, surprisingly. Yeah. How did it feel spending a night in hospital? Like as a child being. Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. As a child, I would say also I forgot to mention some things in the essay that I'm just kind of like remembering right now, and I'm just like, should have said that. Well, go ahead. What is it? But I was at one point at risk of pneumonia. I didn't know what that meant, so I didn't realize what was happening. And then after I wasn't at risk of pneumonia, I just looked it up and I was like, same thing with kidney failure. I was like too young to realize that I literally could have died because kidney failure, you need those. Yeah. Absolutely. Do you think that your naiveness to not knowing is what saved you and kept you in high spirits during that time? Yes, definitely. Since I feel like if I knew that I was at risk of straight up meeting the big man upstairs, I would have like spiraled much, much quicker. And then the steroids would have kind of been the nail in the coffin. Right. Yeah. Oh. You describe a lot of intense pain and not knowing what was happening. And what was the scariest part for you at that moment? Scaryest part for me at that moment was not knowing what was gonna happen to me, just like wanting it to be over. Since I remember one time Dr. Kron told me, like, I went there at one point, a couple of Junes ago. It happened on a June, like literally one of the best months for a child since it is peak time, summertime. Okay. Like, even as a child who hasn't been to school physically in almost a year. Still just great month, right? But I was like, okay, so when am I gonna be normal again? Like a month, two months, I'm okay with like a couple more months. And then he was like, I hate to break it to you, but either until you're an adult or for the rest of your life. He didn't say it that bluntly. He tried being as gentle as he could. And I believe he actually said it was two years, but I do remember hearing at some point that I was gonna have it until I was either an adult or just for the rest of my life. I have a very rare case of it. Normally in children, it's only for like a month. Wow. During that time, what did you feel like the infusions and treatments that you were given, how did they affect you physically as well as like emotionally? Physically, you know, can a needle plastic tube jammed it to your wrist every two weeks? I am not exaggerating in the slightest. It was twice a month. It eventually got dragged down to once a month, but still pretty frequent. But eventually, I used to be like deathly afraid of needles, much like my sister, who will not be in the same room as you if you even mention them once. And now, this is kind of off-drop topic, but I'm perfectly fine with them. I remember one time I was going to summer camp and I needed to get like actually no. I was heading back to school, like middle school, first year, but I had to get like a tetanus shot, and I was just like, go ahead, sign the dotted line, sir. Wow, and gotten used to it. That's a plus, I guess. I'm no longer gonna have a spaz attack whenever I'm around a needle. Yeah. Wow. You talk about steroids affecting your mood and mental health. When did you realize that it was starting to change you? When it started like ending a couple of friendships, due to just like huge like outbursts. And then I was just like, hmm. So before I was on steroids, this didn't happen. And I noticed they also gave me cataracts, so there might be other side of it, like, oh yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm happy that you were able to recognize that. Did you tell your parents or you told the doctors during that time? How did you advocate for yourself? I'm actually pretty sure because back then it was still like a theory in my end. I wasn't too sure. Yeah. That's like what I believed. And, you know, but then I also thought that I was like being an early bloomer or something. I don't know. A lot of like overthinking. And then I was just told straight up, yeah, it's the steroids. Oh wow. What do you think helped you survive that season where friendships were kind of failing and your moods were changing, and then you had realized what the steroids were doing. I feel like it was just my family being there for me all the time. I mean, me and my mom had some like heavy arguments, and I had that stuff that like to this day would never dream of saying to anybody ever. It was bad. No. But both of us have exchanged our apologies to each other multiple times. But it was just them like being there with me for it, not just leaving me, since you know that's what family's for. They're supposed to help you out when you're, you know, turning into a red dot man. Yeah. I'm sorry that you experienced that. And I appreciate you being honest about saying things to your mom that you regret and that you all have been able to reconcile that because I do know that during this sensitive time in your life, sometimes things, you know, your body and your emotions and everything is at all high. And sometimes things do come out completely wrong. And I acknowledge you, you're only 13, and to realize that earlier in life is great. I you talked about Dr. Weiser a lot, right? Yeah. And how he was there and he was advocating for you, and he just seemed to be a really great doctor. What are the things that he did that you think other doctors can do when a child is in a situation like you? He was able, like somehow, I'm pretty sure dude was a wizard or something. But I'm pretty sure he was just what what do I mean? I'm pretty sure. I know this. Come on. Sorry. But he was just able to make me laugh and feel better and overall just have like a better mental state. I remember he called my friend Hong. He's Asian. But he called my friend Hong the Honger. Like he gave me two um little dum-dums, whatever they're called. I don't know. And he was like, oh, what's the second one for? He's like, for the honger. Just unironically with the straightest face ever. That's one of my favorite moments of him. Yeah. You love that, his sense of humor and how he kept you laughing and your spirits lifting, huh? Mm-hmm. That's beautiful. You mentioned when you went to the children's hospital in Philadelphia that that's when like things started to change. What was that change? Um Do you remember that time? Vaguely. I do remember, you know, as I said in the essay, uh, Dr. Burns mentioning like a potential solution. Like I was still on those medications, and we just kind of assumed that if I was off of them, bad stuff would come back. And then he was just like, well, let's see if it's true. And then if it's false, then kids gonna be fine. Right. So then he mentioned that you should taper off slowly, right? Yes. And how did that tapering off slowly affect you? Do you remember that? It went pretty good. I had like a few symptom outbursts, so we like went back to the least amount that I could have without an outburst. Like tried the tapering off again in like a week, and then hey Presto, no more medicine. Amazing. How do you see your life now? Do you have to continue to take medicine now, or you I do have to take Lucinapril for long-lasting candy damage, but at that point it's like almost completely fixed. That's wonderful. That's so great. Overall, I see my life now. It's a lot, and I'm here for every last moment of it since I know that if I actually committed to some of the things that I said I would do to myself, then I wouldn't be able to have these like great experiences. I wouldn't have been able to do all this wouldn't have been able to go to middle school. Yeah, let's talk about that a little bit. So you mentioned, I know you don't want to say the word, and we don't have to say the word here on this podcast, but I'm okay with saying it if it'll help people later get the idea. Yeah, you mentioned that you were suicidal and as a young kid and you're you're just only 13 now, but this happened before 13. What was going through your mind? What made you feel that way? Well, the first time it happened was when I was told that I was gonna be stuck with this for a very, very long time. And like go ahead, I'm sorry. One of them was because I verbally declared that I would kill myself. And the other one was because of a random incident that I just straight up refused to say wasn't anything suicide related, but just no just gonna let you use your imagination there. Yeah. When when you were going through these feelings, was it because you were you say you didn't want to live with this? Do you not think that a life of living with with illness could be a good life? I mean, at the moment I just thought that I would like constantly have these issues, and at that point I was just like, if that's gonna be my life, then I don't want it. Then like I don't want there to be that life to have. Were you able to talk to anybody during that time? Able to talk to people, I was able to get the help I needed, and I am forever grateful. During that moment, who did you trust in telling this to? Or did you write a letter, or did you just decide like like who was the person that pulled the the alarm and said, no, we're gonna get Liam help right now? My mom definitely, because um my dad wasn't um, by the way, I declared that whole first time I went to the mental award children's hospital when I declared suicide. Dad wasn't there. Pretty sure he had to go do some work related, and that's perfectly fine by me, honestly, since I feel like it would have been ten times more like I just I'm just glad that he didn't have to hear like his child like at I'm pretty sure I was 10 or 11, just like without a single hesitation say that he was gonna kill himself. My mom was there. She's always been like a little bit of like anxiety, and this definitely dragged it through the roof. So both me and her were kind of going through it. Yeah. So her hearing that was just like, no, he is going to the mental world right now. I am not letting my child kill himself. I'm not even letting him think about it. We're fixing this. Absolutely. I love that your mom advocated for you like that. And Liam, there's some kids out here that's gonna be listening to this episode, and there's also gonna be some parents listening to this episode and teachers and doctors. First, let's just speak to the kid. What would you say to little young Liam that's 10 years old? What would you say to Johnny or X or whoever may be going through this right now? What would you tell them? So no matter what you're going through, may it be a lost parent, a disease like mine, just anything traumatic that has caused you to question whether or not staying on this planet is really worth it. It is, since I promise you there are going to be people that will miss you. And I can just list a few, like there are going to be relatives, grandparents, parents, your friends, folks like that. So if you're really gonna think about doing that, the way I kind of stop myself was kind of stop and think, wait, how would this impact them? Because if I commit suicide, then how is that gonna impact my mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother, my friends, my grandma, sweet, sweet grandma. Yeah, your grandma, yeah, she loves you so much. For parents, I would say, if you have a child that is going through something problematic, do not, even for a second, turn their back on them. I'm not saying I had my back turned. I'm just saying, fleeze for the love of everything that is holy, be there with them, comfort them, help them get through it. For doctors, if you are this kind-there's like two types of doctors in my mind, there's physical and there's mental. We'll just start like actual doctors that do like, you know, doctory stuff. If you are about to like break news to somebody, and like Dr. Khan did an incredible job at this, it was just I was already like steroid crazy, so I feel like no matter what he would have said, I would have had the same reaction, unless he just didn't tell me. Which just is dishonest. I'm not saying don't tell, like, let's say, for example, and this is a very dark example, but I can't think of anything else at the moment, you are about to tell a child that they have a terminal case of cancer, or you're about to tell the parent that their child has that. Be as like gentle as you can. Because I am telling you right now, like, for a hundred percent fact, no matter what you say or how you say it, they are going to take that next. Negatively, but if you are like blunt about it, then they are going to take it ten times worse. Once again, Dr. Kron did an incredible job at doing this. Yeah. And then I also had a therapist. I do not remember her name, but she was a very sweet lady. Um, you know, just keep doing what you're doing. You're a therapist for a reason. That's all I gotta say. I love that. One thing that you said at the end of your essay. You said, Life sucks sometimes. You were really blunt and frank with us. But if you keep going, said it doesn't mean you have to let it control you. What does that mean to you? It's an adult swarm or something like that. It does get easier. Believe every day it gets easier. But you gotta do it every day. That's the hard part. But it does get easier. I just heard that and I was like, wow, wow. All right, sweet. I'm gonna keep that in my mind now. It does. I love that. It does get easier. You're gonna put one foot in front of the next and that in front of the next. And they always say the light is at the end of the tunnel, but if you sit in the middle of the tunnel, it's hard to see the light. But if you somehow keep going, even a little momentum is still momentum, you will eventually see the light. Wow. You know, this is so beautiful because not only did you survive, you are thriving and you are giving back in meaningful ways, the way that you're sharing your story right now. Because I know that there's many young children, adults too, people that are suffering from illnesses and just like depression, and they're sad and they're considering the thought of suicide. And I just want to say thank you so much for being so vulnerable with us. Thank you so much for being you. Thank you for your sense of humor. Thank you for caring. Thank you for pushing through the pain. And I'm so thankful that your parents also advocated and kept asking the doctors and kept pursuing answers for you. I don't want to leave this episode without asking you. Do you have anything else that you feel that you want to say? Well, I feel like I would like to give my thanks to you, the resilience files, and you specifically for giving me this opportunity to go out and tell people how I survived this and how they can go through something like that too. Actually, fun little plan that I'm doing, like life goal, a fundraiser, like a little website fundraiser stuff, that is going to be entirely dedicated to research and just figuring out more like rare diseases that many people don't know of, since that's basically what I went through, not knowing what happened to me for a pretty long while. Three months, it's still pretty long considering the fact that you're like just turned 10. Yeah. It is, I love that. Wow, Liam, look at you. You've thrived and you're pushing through, and you're 13, and you have so much living in front of you. So I want to say thank you so much again for sharing your story. And this has been the Resilient Spouse Podcast. I hope that you enjoyed the episode today with Liam. Liam is just 13 years old. And if Liam can push through, you can push through too. Remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep going. Ending your life is not the answer. There are gonna be so many people that miss you, and you have so much purpose here on this earth. I'm Carrie Bernanz. If this episode inspired you, please share it with someone. If you know a young person, elementary, middle school, high school, whoever they are, or just someone going through a hard time, share this episode with them. Let them be inspired and tune in for the next episode. Thank you so much for joining us today.