Episode 9: Unlocked — Coming Out at 35, Leaving Teaching, and Living Authentically with Allie Hunt

She came out at 35. Left the career she thought she'd have forever. And rebuilt her life from the ground up.

Episode 9 of The Resilience Files with Allie Hunt is a powerful reminder that authenticity is worth the risk.

🎙️ Listen now if you're facing change, searching for purpose, or learning to choose yourself.

#TheResilienceFiles #Resilience #Authenticity #PersonalGrowth #LifeTransitions

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Oh my god. Welcome back to the Brazilian Styles Podcast. I'm your host, Carrie Bernanz, and we are so excited about our guest today. This space exists for honest conversations about survival, healing, reinvention, and learning how to live in alignment with your truth. This episode includes discussions around identity, coming out, career loss, and more. Please take care of yourself while listening. Today's guest is Ali Hunt. Ali shares the powerful story of coming out at 35, leaving a career that no longer serves her, and rebuilding a life rooted in authenticity. As we do here on the Resilience Files podcast, we love to read our guest essays that are submitted to us so we know a little bit more about them and their resilience journey. So before we get into the interview, we are going to hear Allie's essay. I didn't expect my life to begin again at 35. Most people imagine reinvention happening in their 20s, maybe after college, maybe after a big breakup. For me, it happened after years of doing everything right. I had built a stable career as a teacher. I had a routine, a title, a husband, and a life that looked respectful from the outside. But inside, I was carrying a truth that I had been afraid to live out loud. At 35, I came out as gay. That sentence sounds simple now, almost an even tidy. But at the time, it felt like lighting a match in a room full of dry leaves. I knew it would change things. I just didn't know how much. I had spent years trying to fit into expectations that never truly fit me. Coming out wasn't about rebellion. It wasn't about politics. It was about finally choosing honesty over fear. It was about waking up every day and realizing I could no longer live half a life just to keep other people comfortable. What I didn't anticipate was how deeply that honesty would collide with the environment I was in. I was teaching in Florida, and the political climate, both in the government and within the school system, made it increasingly clear that there wasn't space for someone like me to exist authentically without consequence. It wasn't always loud or direct. Sometimes it was policies. Sometimes it was silence. Sometimes it was the subtle feeling that parts of me needed to stay hidden to remain acceptable. Over time, that pressure became heavier than the security my career provided. Leaving the teaching profession was not a dramatic decision made overnight. It was a slow realization that I was shrinking myself to survive. I loved education. I loved my students, but I also loved my sanity, my integrity, and eventually my freedom. Walking away felt like grief and relief happening at the same time. I mourned the life I thought I was supposed to have, while also quietly celebrating the life I might finally be allowed to build. The aftermath was messy. There were moments of doubt, financial uncertainty, and long nights wondering if I had made a mistake. Reinventing yourself in adulthood isn't glamorous, is not a movie montage with upbeat music. It's paperwork, anxiety, and learning skills you never expected to need. It's explaining yourself to people who don't understand. It's grieving the version of you that others preferred. But somewhere in that uncertainty, something shifted. I stopped asking, how do I go back? And started asking, what do I want now? That question changed everything. I moved to Kentucky. I stepped away from systems that no longer aligned with who I was becoming. I started my own business, something I had never imagined I'll be brave enough to do. Building it from the ground up taught me resilience in a way no classroom ever could. Every success felt earned, every step back taught me adaptability. For the first time, my livelihood was tied directly to my authenticity instead of my ability to conform. Today, my life looks very different from the one I once clung to. I'm not the same person who stood at the crossroads at 35. I'm stronger, yes. But more importantly, I'm more honest. I understand now that resilience isn't about never falling apart. It's about allowing yourself to rebuild an alignment with your truth instead of rebuilding the same cage with prettier decorations. If there's one thing I want a listener to take away from my story, it's this. Healing doesn't always look like returning to what you lost. Sometimes healing looks like walking away from what was never meant for you in the first place. Sometimes it looks like starting over in a new state, a new career, or a new identity. And sometimes it simply looks like waking up and realizing you no longer apologize for existing as you are. Coming out didn't ruin my life. It revealed the parts of my life that were never truly mine. And leaving teaching didn't mean I stopped educating. It meant I started teaching myself how to live fully without negotiation. My journey wasn't easy and it wasn't quick, but standing on the other side of it now, I can say with certainty that choosing authenticity was the most resilient act of my life. My truth didn't end my story. It finally allowed me to begin. Wow, Melly, how are you doing? Powerful essay. Gosh, how does it feel hearing the story read back to you?

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Um, it we are very different because on the outside looking in, when it's not you, you're thinking to yourself, oh my gosh, like how do you go through this and and get through it to the other side, you know, in one piece. And then I remember if that's my case. And I'm like, well, I I have the choice. I've been through worse, um, but I I haven't been through something so tricky and I I swear I get like a little teary on thinking about it because that was me almost Wow, wow, thank you for sharing that with us.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

I wanna go back to your life before 35, before you decided to come out, before you decided like this is a time to step into who you felt you w truly were. Who were you or who were you trying to be before 35?

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Oh, yeah, so um I knew I that society and my family that I couldn't be that person. Uh where, you know, boys married girls and girls had babies, and you know, that's just the life I was told. I and I'm like, okay, I'll get married. And I actually married a couple of different men thinking the problem was the person I was with. I got there was nothing wrong with those people. They were and I was trying to be a married teacher. I was trying to have a I I had a husband, he rest in peace now. Um but we had um he accepted me for who I was. Like I came out to him before I came out to anybody else. And he's like, it's okay. He said, I serve you. And I'm like, and you're a great person, if you were a chick, this would be a match we that's so interesting.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Coming out to your husband before we keep going on, how I wanna I guess I want to know what it because I'm sure people are listening right now, what did your husband say? And at that moment, did you guys decide to have like an open marriage and you did your thing and he did his thing?

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Actually, um, we did become polyamorous, and I am actually currently polyamorous.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:01

And I have I have a staff and uh she has a husband that she's legally married to, and he doesn't he lives here, but he doesn't stay here because he he's an electrician. So he he travels for at least once a month, he tries to come home. We just had him home for Valentine's week and I clicked for the whole family. Basically, we always joke that she married the same person twice.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

Yeah, he and I are very um, I'm just a five foot two version of him. I'm a little pop. He and we had an earthquake relationship where we both tried to court the same like I would court a female and then if she was interested in him, then we would try to um he was very accepting and you know, with I will say that I have heard her uh women coming out to their husbands and the husband trying to throw your one out and trying to take it to joke. And after every a lot of heterosexual men try to fetish Yeah. He went into that. He was very loving, very accepting, and he understood. He was like, Well, where do we stand? I said, Well, I I love love for you and I care about you and you know, you're not an awful husband, and you're not an awful person, you're not running around on me, you're not stealing from me, so I mean we could try to make this work and try to have a family out of it, but I I still wasn't me because I was so being my wife to a man.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

That yeah, thank you for sharing that. So when you were saying in your essay that you were trying to do everything right and make everything kind of perfect the way you said, because you grew up in a Bible belt, and the making everything perfect was going through one husband and that didn't work, so then you tried another husband, and then you opened up the marriage and you tried to have the family. Did you all ever have the family?

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Um, I did not have any children. Um I ended up having a miscarriage. I'm sorry. Um I didn't even know I was missing, and so I went to the doctor and saying, How do we make this issue stop? And they asked questions, they ran past, and they were like, So you were pregnant and no and I was like, Oh and he was just exciting that the that the possibility was there. Yeah, and um, I still haven't had children. I have a possibility. That's amazing. Yeah, so um having my own personals allowed me um have time for them and have time for my family, and you know, do interviews with incredible people like you.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

That's so sweet of you. Thank you so much. And I'm sorry that you all went through that experience. And um I think it's also reaffirming that you know you have your dogs with you, and that do you ever see yourself wanting to have a family again?

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Like your dogs. Yeah, that is something that we have definitely become. Um she and I are are both trying, we're both trapping and doing everything wrong. There's um some things in the air right now, nothing's confirmed. Okay. Yes, but trying, but if we're not able to confirm either of us being pregnant yet, then um we are trying to work into adoption. But it's really difficult to find an agency that works with a non-traditional. Usually grand grandbad, non-traditional family, they think, okay, so you're two Russian. There's they're the Brown remit, um, you know, he would be a consistent male like role model in the house, um, but free parents. And that kind of sows people Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Yeah, it's untraditional, but I mean, there is a lot of kids that need to receive love. And I think, you know, at the end of the day, it's about the respect that you show the kids, the love that you're showing the kids. And, you know, children need a home. I think like adoption is a beautiful thing. I don't think that that's something to be, I think that's beautiful that you all are considering adoption because I do feel like there's so many kids around the world that needs to receive love. And at the end of the day, if you could put a roof over their heads and you can raise them in a right way so they can grow up to be, you know, positive impacts on society, I don't see an issue with it personally.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Um and I we planned on homeschooling because I have that background and yeah, you know, believe in hands-on learning and the monitoring.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Yeah. Oh, that is beautiful. I want to hear about um the moment. Was there like a specific moment or a specific thing that happened to you that caused you to say, and I'm gonna walk in my truth of deciding like I'm no longer gonna live this life that I feel like I'm forced to live?

SPEAKER_02 14:38

So there are a several layers. I wish I had like a neat and tidy answer for you that was just like cover everything. Yes, it was this moment specifically. That there were different I I came out to my then husband because I just I was missing, I was missing that certain aspect. And I'm like, gosh, what is wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy? He's such a good guy. And at least, you know, I thought I was and um I was like, you know, there's something wrong with him. And he was like, You're gay. And I'm like, Do you think I'm gay? Like, I didn't even come after him, he told me. And he was like, What are you feeling? And I said, Well, you know, there's this thing that I kinda want to try out, and there's this thing that I've been having feelings about. And then he was like, So find someone and try it out and see what you feel. And then my first record I had, I'm not I'm not bad, I am definitely gay. And I told him that, and he was like, Okay, and now can we fight them? But with him, it was just something just hurting. I'm just like, gosh, my heart, it doesn't feel um like there was just something missing. And that that was that moment there, and then I decided to come out to my parents. I'm dressed as so um my daddy's more conservative and uh I was terrified. Um I came out to my favorite I came out to her before anybody else in the family. She was like, Whoa, okay. I'm like, ma'am, did you hear me clearly, Bethlehem? And she was like, You write grass and that's okay. And I'm just like, you still love me. She was like, Are you are you still gonna be the same person? I thought, well, I mean yeah, for me. She's like, I don't have an issue. She was just the most attracting. She goes, Did you try to So um uh I had stayed by my mama and I told her I guess I'm gonna tell you and her first guess was like we're crying up. You and Anthony break it up. Um she dropped her phone like mom, mommy, are you doing? Yeah, I'm here, so we're telling me. And I'm like, probably she you're somebody about returning. So we had the conversation and she was like, Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, we can make that happen. Um, my daddy, it was not a um, I was just I ugly cried. I ugly cried so and he was like, my family got it out. Um he said, Why are you crying? And I'm like, Well, I remember about 10, 15 years ago, you told me if your kids came out to USA, you'd disown them. And he was like, Honey, that was before my triple bypass, I'm a different person. Like it's too short to to judge anyone about who they love. Um I the the relief I felt was just honest, I can't even compare it to. Uh because I went for them. I imagine it's very too hard winning the gold. Um my career's new, my my boss was new, and at first they were fine. Um's never treated me indifferently. I will say that. I had an an amazing team that accepted me as I was. Um but you know, at the at the time I had a different phone and um on my screen saver, I had a picture of me and my Renfiance. And um they were they they were looking at me we weren't inappropriate at all.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

And I went to pick up my phone because I had a timer. I was running smile groups I was teaching first grade.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

I quick for that, and I hit the book real quick, and I always put my phone face down. One of the carrots said, Oh, that's my fiance. Why does your fiance look up because she is a girl? Now let's get back to the I try to redirect as much as I could. And then ran around and told all the other kids, you know, Red Hunt, like girl, Miss Hunt is marrying a girl. And some of the kids were like very cool with your audit students who had two moms. And she was like, You're like my mom. And I'm like, Yeah, time girls on that. And and um, next thing I knew, I was being called into the constable's office after school, and the mother of a different student was there. And I got talked to about the picture and I was accused by the mother of robbing her of that conversation with her.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 20:16

But I'm like, oh, so you mean I taught your child that a gay person can be a decent human being before you got a chance to put prejudice? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I ripped out the principle, and it's like, who the hell's supposed to say with this? Your family mother. Okay, let's put you behind you. Where are they? Well, those are my daughters. They're your family mother. And I'm like, you are what?

SPEAKER_00 20:39

BS, and you don't have to worry about me coming. I'm so sorry that happened to you. That should have never happened. And regardless of like a person's choice on identity of who they are or whatever they who whomever they're married to, I mean, you were respectful. You taught the kid something, and the child was gonna learn one way or another. You're in first grade. If you're asking questions like that, it's a time to learn about that. And the parent should be saying, thank you, in my opinion. She feels like she was robbed of that experience. She should have just asked more questions. She could have pulled you aside, but instead, if she went to the principal's office, to me, I think that it was like completely unnecessary and also just shows prejudice that people have on, you know, certain situations and identities. And I wanted to go into that more. What was the hardest part that you feel like teaching as a gay teacher in Florida? Was that your last straw where you knew that you needed to then maintain some type of status quo in order to finish out that teaching year? Or did you have other situations that came up?

SPEAKER_02 21:46

Um, well, it's all tied into that. I have a neighbor teacher. She was on my team, she's a lovely person. Um, but she wasn't married to her father, her baby daddy. And um, she had a picture of the three of them on her. And that was their play. And I said, why can't I have a picture of me and myself even on my phone? It wasn't even on my desk. It was on my phone. Right. And I'm like, she can have that picture on her block on her whiteboard. And no one's like pictures. Right. But she like she was asked by a student, you know, is is your daughter's last name the same as yours? Well no, she has her daddy's last name. Okay, well, why don't you have her's last name? But you know how sometimes, you know, parents get divorced and one gets remarried or, you know, something like that, and the mom just doesn't have the same last name as the baby. And that explanation wasn't that it was it wasn't her fault. It was the administration's fault. Where so I get wild at the just part of my own.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Oh, I understand. And I'm so sorry that happened to you. When did you realize that staying there was costing you your mental health?

SPEAKER_02 22:55

Um, staying married to a man was costing me my mental health.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Or it can be staying with a man or staying in that situation as a teacher at that school in Florida.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Like on the answer is the teachers um thing. Um, I I rest at school year. And before I left, I went to my partner and I said, I don't want to do this anymore. And she was like, What do you mean? Like she thought I was breaking up with it. And I said, I don't want to teach anymore. I'm dumb. Yeah. She was like, I'm tired of you coming home crying, so yeah. And she's like, What do you want to do? I gotta I'll have my own and she was like, Okay, tell me more about it. So I told her the birthday's idea. And she goes, Come up with a name for it. Come up with a design for the warehouse. And now our business work there is Wow.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

I'm so happy that you chose to prioritize your mental health, and then also your partner saw the same thing and was tired of you crying. And honestly, I wish that you never had to cry about that situation. Did you ever raise it up to the school board or to any other, you know, policymakers, even to the principal or the superintendent of the school district?

SPEAKER_02 24:14

I took it to the principal that that's the one I had a conversation with about your family member. And I'm like, I tell you, I'm like, this is ridiculous. And I use some very powerful language. Um, that's my first time ever speaking to her like that. That I I voiced my feelings on it, and I'm like, I'm not gonna get picked up for next year. Because when you're a teacher, you get a contract for the school year. Like they don't have to look back the next year. And I'm like, I didn't know I'm not getting off gonna come back next year. So this is just how I feel. I don't really have to. Yeah, rightfully so. And she had like made up no experience on my observations about seeing me in a negative light. Like she went back and edited and made me look like a crowd teacher. Because I told her I was going to have a scoreboard, if she goes, go ahead, I've already got birth's evidence. And I'm like, I have never seen the right that's Yeah, that's wrong.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

I'm so sorry. What did you feel like when you did you ever go through any grieving process of leaving from being a teacher to starting your business? Or were you like, No, this is setting off dead weight, and I'm ready to like step forward into the like new life that I want to live?

SPEAKER_02 25:27

I agree. I did. I cried and like I'm not even a crier, which is funny. Like if you know me, it took a while for me to cry. I I cried six those I I cried. Like when I came out at 35, and then when I quit teaching, um at like farting and trying to think what years ago, um, it was like 2022, so it's four years ago. So yeah, I was 37 at that time, and um I I grieved and I went to home and I'm so sorry, I'm crying about this. I know I should be more excited about our business, but this hurts this hurts my heart because you know, ever since I was like seven years old, I wanted to be a teacher. And I'm like, I don't understand why I can't just be great and be a teacher in the And then and then the governor had passed a certain bill and I'm like, wow, there I go. I'm completely out of the profession and also I would not be able to write I wouldn't have been able to, I'd have gotten fired of that. Right. I don't know if you know about the Florida law, but um if a child comes out to you as anything other than the gender they were born, um, you have to report it to wow. I believe in keeping a safe space for at my last job, because I did work IT for a little bit before moving to Kentucky. Um that helps stack one out it was helpful. It was helpful. Let's just say um I recommended the bolts at my last job.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

And you tell me and I keep it. I I'm a I'm the biggest secret keeper. Like yeah, and I I could not have broken a chair of confidentiality like that. Like unless they're thinking about harming others or harming themselves, oh that's gonna stay with me.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Who you are, I'm gonna You know, I I think from your lived experience with how you came out and also that fear that was behind coming out to your own parents, is what kept you in that space and also made students probably trust you more with what they were going through as well. And I think that it's so important that teachers provide that safe space for kids. And, you know, I think that if you were ever to have come out that there's, you know, ways of having that conversation, but you did what was right, especially during that time. I wanted to ask you, so when you decided to go to Kentucky, why did you choose Kentucky and you started your business? Like, what was the scariest thing of starting your business in a new place?

SPEAKER_02 28:16

Oh my gosh, starting the business in a new place is having a better new client how like believe it or not, despite the product, the critics on all are more accepting of them like Are we Terra? Are we Terra is or for her friendly partner, she makes weather handbags and I make staff bombs and like it's a whole whole list and um I usually have an Oracle deck with me.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Um, it's basically kind of bit of a client target. We're still working on it after being here for almost two years now. We're still building a business out of um because of the move. And we live in a very small town. Now I quit this town deliberately.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

Oh yeah, why?

SPEAKER_02 29:03

Okay, so I looked up after being disappointed about the high prices all over like Tennessee and Kentucky and Virginia and all that. Because I gotta be back in the mountains. I actually graduated from northern Kentucky. Oh so um, but I don't live near my mama. I pick a good job three hours from her. If I need to see her, I can go see her. Yeah. But I river like an hour away from where my daddy grew up. Oh, nice. Yeah. And I lived at a vertebral, picturesque towns in Kentucky. Yeah. And this beautiful little town popped up in it, and I started looking at houses, looked at a few here and there. Houses are run down, or they weren't worth the price they were asking for. And I'm like, you know what? I want to wrap around parks, I want a port swing, I want a crook in the back. I've got a one and a half acre of land. I rent a hair. So I got my privacy. I have a main house, a guest house, a cottage, uh, two workshops, and the main house that we're in right now, because you still gotta renovate the guest house in the cottage. But the main house we're in right now has a full bed in the back. My guest house has a fourth swing. And I have a crit running from my whole backyard.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

And my dog wow, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you, Ellie. That's amazing. It sounds so beautiful. And I don't have a mortgage. I play certain cash. And I was like, I You better go ahead. I'm so proud of you. That is amazing. That's amazing. As we wrap this up, I would love to know what is alignment, what is living in alignment look like for you today?

SPEAKER_02 30:54

I can be myself and I don't have to apologize for who I am. I don't have to explain myself unless they're asking about my relationship.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

How are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 31:09

Yes. That's so beautiful. And how do you define resilience now? I get up and I don't give up.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

I don't go looking for a position uh a hotel house or a alpha house. I keep pushing prayers and I don't give up. Waking up and choosing to get out of bed, that is the first step to resilience. Don't give up. It's gonna it's gonna be rough. There there's a song that plays in my head so often, it's on my driving playlist and it's like jelly roll. Oh yeah, I love jelly roll. That's my favorite song by him. That's like you know, sometimes you swear gotta be dry off random that dirt, but you gotta be quite true.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

In addition to grip, there's also that aspect of mental health. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 32:05

I wrapped my my last ex husband um to dirt and for me I live every day. You walked your ex-husband to where? Um my ex-husband got harmed. That's how I lost him. Yeah, I'm sorry. And it was very traumatic. Like I was on the news there's that and it was really bad. And I wrote every day because he can't. He he can't so uh living your truth, being honest with who you are, right, you know, whatever that may be, you have to find someone to talk to and that'll guide you. And he works a light for me to like help throw me through that tunnel slowly, you know, become I am. My partner helped me become the business woman I am and to be the person I am now. So I I had a great support system in my personal life.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Yeah. Allie, wow, you are so beautiful. I want to thank you so much for your honesty and your vulnerability with us today. Your story reminds people to have the courage to speak up. If you're listening and you're afraid to start over, just like Ali's story says and she's told you, she started over at 35. You're not late, you're not broken, you're right on time. And uh, I'm sure someone's listening today that probably knows someone that needs to hear this. Please share this episode with somebody that needs it. Or if you need to replay the episode for yourself so you have my character like Ali, replay it. Follow the Resilience Files Podcast unlocked on Instagram, Twitter, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast. And if you have a resilient story, feel free to share it with us at resifiles at gmail.com. We appreciate Ali and we know there are so many more stories like Ali's, and we hope that she has started encouraging you to come forward and to walk in self-love on this journey of life.