Deep Dive with Dr D
Discussions on life and living with Dr D. A man who has risen from the lowest depths of life to the amazing life he has now.
Deep Dive with Dr D
The Long Game: How to stay hungry when success is slow
What separates those who achieve their dreams from those who only talk about them? In this deeply personal episode, we explore the psychology of "the long game" and why staying committed when success seems painfully distant might be your most valuable skill.
Drawing from my journey from high school dropout to earning a doctorate, I reveal the exact mental frameworks that allowed me to persist through doubt, setbacks, and moments of wanting to quit. You'll discover why breaking massive goals into tiny chunks creates unstoppable momentum, and how my simple "Focus School" sticky note carried me through three degree programs when motivation faltered.
The conversation dives into practical strategies for delayed gratification in our instant-results world. I share how setting both short-term (1-2 year) and long-term (5-10 year) goals creates a roadmap for achievement, and why displaying these goals where you'll see them daily programs your subconscious for success. You'll learn why surrounding yourself with the right "circle of influence" might be the single most crucial factor in achieving difficult goals.
Perhaps most importantly, I reveal the counterintuitive truth about quitting: you can quit temporarily but never permanently. This distinction made all the difference in my educational journey and can transform your approach to challenges. From celebrating milestones with meaningful rewards to embracing the slow, steady climb toward mastery, this episode provides a blueprint for anyone working toward something that matters.
The path to your greatest achievements isn't magical—it's methodical. When you understand how to trudge the road with purpose, break down overwhelming objectives, and leverage the power of persistence, you'll discover that you truly have it within you to do amazing things.
Find me on other socials here: https://linktr.ee/davidandkatrina
Hi everyone and welcome to the podcast. This week we are going to talk about embracing the long game. The title of this one, the long game how to stay hungry when success is slow. Oh boy, this is a good one, and I always like to talk about how this means something to me personally. And this means a lot to me personally. I actually just released my first ever book, grit Over Shame, and you can get that in an e-book on Amazon or through Kindle. If you're a Kindle Unlimited, you have access to it right now Grit Over Shame and you can also order a paperback on Amazon.
Speaker 1:And really throughout my life, throughout my story, embracing the long game is something I've really had to do along the way, for sure, when I rebooted my life at 29 and I had gone through a real dark period of heavy drug use and really just destroying my life, and so I remember, you know, that period of early recovery and I had gone to a program. It was for people in early recovery, it was held on a college campus and that was really where I learned. You know it's important. I'm going to talk about these things today. It's important to understand the term delayed gratification, being patient, setting short-term and long-term goals. I mean, I learned all that in those early days of recovery, believing in oneself. I had to learn to believe in myself. That wasn't something that I had done previous in my life. I've always struggled with self-doubt, so I had to learn skills to improve in that area not improving being better at self-doubt, but having less self-doubt. And then for me again I'm looking out this window in Ellensburg, washington when I had returned to use in 2006 and then got back on the recovery train. Fortunately for me, my return to use was short-lived, about six months. I had to do it again. I had to reinvigorate my life in recovery, and that again meant setting those short and long-term goals, employing the skill of delayed gratification, and I'll talk about this. Your circle of influence, my circle of influence, is really important to me, and the term radical acceptance You'll hear me talk about that a lot if you listen to me at all, if you read my book that's a really, really important skill If you're working toward goals um, really important, uh, and I always say this anything that you really have to work hard for, you set it.
Speaker 1:I tell young people set big, lofty goals like dream big. Screw dreaming small like dream big. I want you to like change the world, dream. I want you to think of something just monumental that you maybe think I don't know if I can. That's what I want you to do. Well, if you do that, it's going to take work and it's going to take time.
Speaker 1:Anything really good that we do in life usually takes time. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of trudging. You know the term trudging the road to happy destiny or something like that. There's some kind of quote in that way. There's a lot of trudging. If you're working towards something good, if you're working on personal growth, changing if you have what I call unhealthy behaviors to healthy behaviors, it's going to take work. It's going to take changing. If you have what I call unhealthy behaviors to healthy behaviors, it's going to take work. It's going to take time. If you think of, you know, if you want to improve your physical health, it's going to take time. You know, I've heard it's easy to put the pounds on, but it's really hard to take them off. It takes time.
Speaker 1:So that's what we're going to talk about today and my hope is you. You gain hope. Just remember, if you listen to my podcast at all, my goal for you is to come to the conclusion that you have it within you to do amazing things. You do. You have it within you to do amazing things. And I'll say this it's none of this is magic. There's no like. Oh, you know, some of you might have epiphanies along the way, but anything good you want to do in life, it just takes effort, determination, consistency. That's really important.
Speaker 1:So one of the personal examples that I want to share with you is my journey going from high school dropout, ged, to Dr D. That journey took a long time and I can say it was never my goal, like when I walked onto a college campus in the mid 90s and I enrolled in school. My original goal was not to become you know, not to get a doctorate. That was never part of my goal. My initial goal was to earn an associate's degree, right? So how did I do that? Well, you, I tell students I teach now on a college campus.
Speaker 1:You know, you do it. You do it one quarter at a time and you do it one class at a time. Sometimes it's one module at a time, sometimes it's one assignment at a time. You break it down in chunks, right. So I did that. And then when I came back to school many years later, in 2009, I kind of employed that same thing that you know okay. Well, you know what? I came back in winter of 2009. I remember that and it's scary and it's like, oh, I probably said you know what, just try it, just do this one quarter, see if you can get through a quarter. Well, that quarter turned into another quarter and another quarter. And the next thing, you know, I have a bachelor's degree and I say next thing, you know, but it's not next thing, you know, it's it's doing it that way One quarter at a time, one class at a time, one module at a time, one group project at a time.
Speaker 1:Whatever you're working for, break it down in chunks. If you have a big goal, if you have something you really want to do, whatever it is financial health, physical health, mental health Set that big goal. Like I'm looking right here at my whiteboard and it has for me short-term and long-term goals. I'll talk about that next One to two-year goals and five to 10-year goals. Write those down, right. But then how do you do it? You got to strategize. Don't sit down and break it down in chunks.
Speaker 1:So I had gotten the bachelor's degree and then my advisor said hey, I think you'd be great for a master's program. I told him he was crazy, but the timing was right. The universe kind of spoke. And so there I go, I enter into a master's program and for me I say this C's get degrees right. Nobody's ever asked me my GPA post-graduation, my associates, bachelor's, master's there are some programs maybe that's the case, not maybe it is, but most programs, once you graduate, no one's going to ask you your GPA. They don't care. It's never been asked of me. So I say that. To say this when I got in my master's program it was required that I have a 3.0. I was like I remember that that felt overwhelming. Well, you know what? Just get into it, do your best work. One quarter of the time I was on probation I know one quarter because I dropped below but one quarter at a time, one module at a time, one research project at a time, one group project at a time, just one task at a time. Next thing, you know, I graduate with a master's degree and I can tell you honestly I'm getting to this journey of how I became Dr D and that long game.
Speaker 1:It wasn't my plan initially to get a doctorate to. They call it terminating your degree. It wasn't. I was teaching. You can teach in a university with a master's level and I did that and I was doing it well, well then, you know my circle of influence. I'm going to talk about that. Um, I had people encouraging me. Hey, you know, you should consider terminating your degree. It sounds like death, but it's. You're going to the highest level you can with your degree becoming a PhD or an EdD, which is what I did.
Speaker 1:A doc, you know, a doctorate, and so I I started. I just like all right, you know what do I have to lose? This is the other thing with working toward goals. What's the worst that can happen? If you try, you might be successful, right, you might fail, who cares? At least you tried. I didn't even put that on my notes. At least you tried. That's how I've achieved a lot of my goals.
Speaker 1:Is, what have I got to lose? So I entered into a doctoral program and here you go. Guess what? First quarter it was summer quarter, I think of 2016, ish. I quit. I was like no, this I started and I had started with a friend he was actually a neighbor of mine and we decided to start at the same time and I was like, no, this isn't what I want. So I withdrew.
Speaker 1:But here's what happens when you, when you start something like that, your brain messes with you a little bit, it works, it's magic. And and because I surround myself, I guess I'm talking about your circle of influence now. So listen to this carefully. I had surrounded myself with people who wanted me to move up, wanted me to move forward, wanted me to strive better. So listen to this carefully. I had surrounded myself with people who wanted me to move up, wanted me to move forward, wanted me to strive better. So guess what, when I quit now, people were like, okay, but my one neighbor, chris, he's now living in California, he kept going, he kept forging ahead and it kind of bugged me. I was like, oh man, you know, and Katrina was supportive. But she, you know, it's like man, it'd be kind of cool if you did go back, you could go back. So I did.
Speaker 1:A year later I think it was the next summer I went back and I just I said you know what I'm doing this and I have had a sticky note. I don't think it's in my office here, it might be at home, but I have had a sticky note that I've actually shared with Katrina. I gave it to my son for a time period and all it says on it is focus school. I used that during my bachelor's degree, during my master's degree and then I pulled it out again. Again, it's just on a sticky note, it's tattered, it's old now and it says focus school. And I stuck it to my laptop and I said I'm doing this, I committed to it, that's what you have to do. You have to just commit to yourself. Screw the rest of the world. Certainly you need support, you need your circle of influence. But I said I'm doing this and I got on it.
Speaker 1:I started the classes and I just one quarter at a time, one class at a time, one module at a time, one project at a time. And here's the thing about working toward any goals but goals in this realm for me, because I remember people saying, hey, you know what. In this realm for me, because I remember people saying, hey, you know what. Set your goal, but also be pliable. Understand that life is life Like you might have to temporarily put it on hold or you might have to take a quarter off During my journey to becoming Dr D, I took one quarter off.
Speaker 1:I think it was just kind of a mental health thing. I was just like I'm just taking a break. Right, they actually have that built in. You can take a quarter off. And then it was toward the end my mom died and I remember it was. I didn't even. Oh, it was hard. So I had to. You know, take that time off, right. So allow yourself, like, set those goals, commit to yourself, but also know that life's going to happen and it might mean it'll take a little bit longer and that's okay, right. So it took what I took and March of 2020 I became dr D. Right, so that, trudging that road to happy, to forget what it is, trudging the road to happy destiny or whatever it is, it was trudging like I joking happy destiny or whatever it is. It was trudging Like I jokingly say I don't recommend it. But I would be willing to guess that, if you talk to a lot of people who have worked towards something good, that the journey to getting to that something good wasn't easy. It was hard.
Speaker 1:I think, in our society right now, in our access to information, when do we want information Right now? When do we want that response? Do we want information Right now? When do we want that response to that text message Right now? When do we want someone to answer the phone? Whoa? And so that kind of permeates into the other areas of our life and we think, well, I want it now, when do I want it? You know a lot of things. Good, they take time. So think about that for yourself.
Speaker 1:Set short-term and long-term goals. I'm looking at mine right now. I have one to two. Oh my gosh, this is real true to life. Oh boy, I have on my whiteboard one to two-year goals and five to ten-year goals. And my one to two-year goals and I updated these in the last two-ish years is write a book. And if you're watching this on my YouTube channel but if you're not watching it, you're just listening to it I'm holding up my book. I did it. I did it. Have short-term and long-term goals, one to two years and five to 10 years. You know those things you can accomplish in one to two years. And then those long-term goals. They're really important to have, but I don't say just write them down as I'm looking at mine. Put them somewhere where you see them every day, like I teach and I help people learn how to do positive affirmations right. You write a positive affirmation, you put it somewhere where you're going to see it every day and it'll almost work its own subconscious magic, right? When you first put it up, when you first put your short-term goals and your long-term goals up, you're going to see them, you're going to notice them, but after a while you won't even think about it. But you'll see them and they'll work their own magic.
Speaker 1:Your circle of influence. I talk about this one a lot. I talk about it because it's been hugely helpful for me in a lot of areas of my life and it's been massively helpful for me in embracing the long game. And here's what it is Surround yourself with people who know what you want to do for yourself. If you've set a goal, if you want to change negative behavior to positive behavior, if you want to earn a degree, if you want to get into a new career, if you want whatever it is, tell people, not just the whole world, but those four or five people you communicate on a regular basis. Tell them on a regular basis. Tell them Say hey, you know what, I value your opinion. I know you want to push me up and outward and doing good things. And so here's my goal, and even ask them would you check in with me? Would you, you know, just do a check with me every month or two or whatever it is. And here's the other cool thing Maybe you have someone that will work toward a goal with you. That's a beautiful thing, and if they're in your circle of influence, that's even better. So your circle of influence is really important. And then, uh, don't give up.
Speaker 1:I say this about my journey to becoming Dr D. I actually quit, right, I just told you I started and then I did, I quit, but I didn't quit forever. I quit for a year and then I got back and I kept going. But during the process, when I was going through the classes and through dissertation praise, oh my gosh, you guys I quit multiple times, but I didn't stay quit. Why? Because of my circle of influence. I think of Katrina, my amazing wife. You know she, she's in my circle of influence and and she would just say, nope, you're, you're not quitting. She would listen to me, she was very empathetic, but she wouldn't let me quit. And it wasn't always that she came out and said you're not quitting, but I wanted to be accountable to the people in my circle of influence. I wanted to show my son and my grandsons that perseverance wins over giving up. And then I always share the story.
Speaker 1:I was probably about a year out from being done and I was done. I'm pretty public, right, I do this and I'm active on social media and I had written a post about how I was just frustrated and blah, blah, blah and just getting it all out there. And I came to my office that next Monday I think, and I keep my office door open 24-7. And on my keyboard I'm looking at it right now. In my office there was a 3x5 card and all it says on it is don't give up. And on the back was a note from a colleague who follows me on social media and knows me and the goals I wanted to do, and it just simply said you got this. So I say to you don't give up. You can quit temporarily. You know, take a day, take a week, take a month if that's what it takes, but don't give up permanently. Right? Because you've heard the say don't give up two seconds before the miracle happens. You know, don't give up two seconds before that door opens widely and you're able to walk through it. You have it within you to do amazing things. You have it within you to do amazing things if you're willing to learn, grow and adapt and really play the long game that delayed gratification. Oh, I was just thinking, just had the thought so, when I was about a year or two years into my doctoral program.
Speaker 1:I ride motorcycles and and um, india, the Indian motorcycle brand uh, was making a comeback and, man, I just fell in love with them. Um, I, my very first motorcycle ride was on the back of a Triumph Bonneville 750 with Johnny Ravel, who was the one dad that came into my life. I had dads of the week, but he was the one that came into my life and he actually gave a shit. And I'll never forget that very first motorcycle ride in Casa Grande, arizona, and I was on the back of that motorcycle ride and I was. I was scared, but I also felt completely safe all at the same time. And I've always loved motorcycles ever since and I've always ridden and I had a Honda shadow. I loved that bike, I rode the crap out of it and then I got my Vulcan, my Kawasaki Vulcan, and I had that bike at the time and I really loved it. But then I fell in love with the Indian brand and I fell in love with it because it's a great motorcycle and Johnny was a full blood Cherokee Indian and I, just like I, was like I want the Indian.
Speaker 1:And I had a conversation with Katrina and we both kind of set a goal for David. David, you finish your doctoral degree, you can get your Indian. And that was the goal I set. That would be my reward and I got done. I became Dr D and the finances were right and I was able to get Ruby that's her name in July of 2020. And I just love that motorcycle, right.
Speaker 1:So I guess, if I'm closing this up with something, reward yourself right. Reward yourself along the way. Don't wait until the end, like that's kind of a big reward, but reward yourself along the way. Maybe it's you know going out to dinner if you finish your first year, maybe it's you know going out and buying yourself something. But that delayed gratification is a really important thing to have when you're working toward goals, understanding that it's going to take time. I've said this a few times during this podcast Most good things in life goals that we set, take time. So having that delayed gratification is really important. So in closing on this one, I'll say it again you have it within you to do amazing things. It's not magic. It takes commitment, dedication, perseverance, surrounding yourself with the right people, right Understanding that it's going to take time, but it's worth it. Love tall until next time.