Deep Dive with Dr D
Discussions on life and living with Dr D. A man who has risen from the lowest depths of life to the amazing life he has now.
Deep Dive with Dr D
Reframing Life's Setbacks
Life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges at us, and how we respond makes all the difference. Drawing from my personal journey of transformation—from addiction and incarceration to stability and success—I explore the powerful concept of mindset over circumstance and how it can revolutionize your approach to life's difficulties.
This episode dives deep into radical acceptance, a psychological approach I unknowingly applied during two major life reboots at ages 29 and 40. When everything I owned fit in a hall closet and depression made me seemingly unemployable, I learned that accepting my starting point—however difficult—was essential for forward movement. Rather than denying reality, radical acceptance acknowledges it fully while refusing to be defined by it.
Through recent personal examples, including disappointing financial news and discovering my car had been keyed, I demonstrate the delicate balance between honoring emotions and taking constructive action. Sometimes it's perfectly appropriate to sit with difficult feelings temporarily, but extended inaction only prolongs our struggles. I share practical strategies for shifting from frustration to problem-solving, including perspective-taking questions like "Will this situation compromise my basic needs?" and drawing strength from past challenges you've overcome.
The mindset we bring to life's challenges determines not just our emotional wellbeing but our capacity for meaningful action. By cultivating an attitude of gratitude and focusing on solutions rather than problems, we reclaim our power in seemingly powerless situations. If you're facing challenges that feel overwhelming, this episode offers both compassion for your struggle and practical tools to help you move forward with confidence and clarity. Remember: you have it within you to do amazing things, regardless of your current circumstances.
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Hi everyone, welcome to the podcast. I'm glad you're here. I want to start with this. If you haven't heard or haven't seen, I released a book and it's Grit Over Shame by yours truly, from addiction and incarceration to, and you can order the paperback. And, uh, the second version is out now, which has a forward added to it and a little edit, a little more editing, um, and you can get that in paperback on Amazon $9.99 for the paperback and, um, uh, $4.99 for the ebook. I'm just waiting for the green light on the audio audiobook. Everything's submitted.
Speaker 1:I did some tweaks that they asked me to do when they reviewed the first version of it, so the audiobook with yours truly narrating should be out very soon, and a lot of the topics that I'm going to talk about on this podcast will come from the story of the crazy of my life from then until now. So if you listen to me at all, it might be good to grab that book and give it a read, and so you can have some things to reference when I'm talking about topics I talk about here. The topic today mindset over circumstance. Sometimes not always, sometimes not even possible. Sometimes it's difficult to put mindset over circumstance. Sometimes the circumstance can be heavy and I believe sometimes it's okay to sit in the circumstance, to sit in the feelings, sit in the feelings. I actually this weekend has been a weekend where you know I went last week was. It was kind of one of those weeks like rolling along good good news, good news, and then entering in some areas to try to get some more good news, good news, and then boom it, just it went south and the good news turned to bad really quickly and then some other bad news came on, normal life stuff, nothing too traumatic in any situation, no one's losing their life or anything. It has to do with just some things we're wanting to do in our life. All of that to say. Yesterday, you know, I just did the basics, I didn't do much, and today, until about 1 o'clock it was kind of the same, I did kind of did my morning routine, the one you hear me really preach about, but not really and I allowed myself to just be in it to feel what I needed to feel, and I think that's okay. So, as I talk about mindset over circumstance, which I also believe is very, very good to have so that you can move forward, so that you can get into action so that you can change your life in the ways you want to change it. Sometimes it's also very much okay to sit in the feelings. Now, if you're sitting in it too long, to the point that you're not doing anything for extended period of times, no, that's not good. You got to get busy and you got to take action to address the things that you're addressing, whatever they may be. So I I look at those two spots in my life where I rebooted my life at 29 and then again at 40, and 29 was what I call.
Speaker 1:I came out of my really dark period of life. I had been on the streets, in and out of jail, drug use, all of the crazy that was going on, and I had less than nothing, right. I was literally sleeping on a couch at my sister's house. Everything I owned fit in a hall closet at her place. I was unemployable in that I was so depressed. I had so much mental health stuff and this was in early recovery, right.
Speaker 1:And you know what I needed to do. I needed to wrap my head around a concept that I actually learned about myself later in my forties, but I was applying in my twenties and didn't even realize it and it's called radical acceptance. I had to just you know, and I think through counseling and through uh uh P peers and and mentors, they helped me just realize. You know what, david, you have, what you have right now and you can take what you have right now and you can move forward with it. You can take small action steps to make your tomorrows better. Right, so that radical acceptance is one skill that I think is really good for you to consider employing in your life. Again, you'll hear me talk about this a lot when we talk about skills to improve your life and that radical acceptance can be applied at any time.
Speaker 1:Right, I think about my walk with financial literacy. It's been a journey. It's had ups and downs and arounds and I've done well and I've screwed it up and I've had to just go. Okay, you know what. This is an opportunity. You know that kind of that mindset over circumstance. When you get bad news or something doesn't go as planned, you can go okay, it's information. And I have a choice with this information I can either let it bring me down for the duration or I can take it as information to learn from and move forward. Right, that's mindset over circumstance.
Speaker 1:I remember in the mid-90s I was at a program on a community college campus and it was for people in early recovery and every morning we would watch a video on an actual VCR if you remember those on a TV screen and it was motivational speaking by a man named Bob Moad, and you can look up his videos on YouTube, that you can see the old VCR ones, or you can look up his son, who would end up going and doing the same work. Trevor Moad, and they talk a lot about we have a choice. We have a choice every day in how we look at situations we walk through. You know I, david, have a say in the attitude that I bring to the table right. I, david, have a say in the choices and how I react in situations. That's mindset over circumstance, and I I think about career shifts that I've had along the way.
Speaker 1:I left an employer it was 2008 because I didn't believe with some of the business practices that were going on, and I, you know, the circumstances were heavy and it just it weighed on me and weighed on me, and so I had to make a decision and it was left to me to do I stay or do I go and I left, and so when I left, well, that was great for me, I slept kind of better at night, but then I didn't have a job and it was like, okay, well, it is what it is, and you made the right decision based on your ethical core, your moral code, and so get into action. You'll hear me talk a lot about that and I'll tell you right here today. I'm recording this. You'll get it tomorrow, on Monday, but I record these on Sunday and on this Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 1:I feel better now in this moment in time than I have all weekend, after getting bad news on Friday, right, like I talked about, it was a financial situation trying to make something happen. Everything was green light and green light. And then, friday, boom, yellow light, red light, red light, red light. Oh my God. And then it ended up in another area with our taxes that we learned something wasn't right. It was like, oh my gosh. And so I took Saturday, I just took a day, and here's another one.
Speaker 1:So then this is true story, life happening right now, mindset over circumstance. So it was yesterday that you know, I talked to my wife, I talked to a friend or two, and I start just evaluating. You know what. Okay, it is what it is or not. And I almost automatically will, will go to okay, maybe it's not going to happen. And if it doesn't happen, what's the worst case scenario? Right?
Speaker 1:So then today I wash our vehicles every Sunday. That's kind of my one of my wife and I's thing is she never drives a dirty vehicle and she never washes a vehicle. I do it for her. Oh, I got to go fill up her gas tank because she does more things for me in our household on a weekly basis than I would ever do, so I don't mind doing that for her. Now you might be saying why is he talking about washing his car? What does that have to do with mindset over circumstance? As I'm washing this car, I noticed it got keyed. This car is less than a year old. Big gouge right down the front fender. I'm like are you kidding me? I keep washing the car.
Speaker 1:I finish washing the car and then I immediately go into problem solving mode. I start thinking, god, when could that have happened? Why would someone do that? And then I start I think well, you know what? We have insurance. We can get it fixed if we choose to. I'll take it to the. I have a relationship with an auto body shop in town. I know the guy. I'm going to go get an estimate. Just I almost automatically go. Okay, you know what Mindset over circumstance it happened. It sucks. There's nothing I can do to reverse it. So go into problem solving mode. That's what I do. And here I am. I'm. Now it's Sunday afternoon. I came in and I'm doing my. I already did my Monday prep for the week, for my classes. I did some other work.
Speaker 1:When I get into action, when I start putting one foot in front of the other, it helps me shift right To get into that attitude of gratitude. Like with our car getting keyed. That sucks. It's like it pisses me off. But aren't I fortunate that I have insurance that'll pay for it? I already looked up our deductible. It's $250. If it's $1,000 to fix it, all we pay out of pocket is $250. And some people might go well, that's a lot of money. It is a lot of money it is, and I can be pissed about it or I can say it is what it is and I'm fortunate that I have the resources to be able to fix it Right.
Speaker 1:An attitude of gratitude is a really good thing to have Right, because things can happen in life where we feel like and they're valid feelings like, oh my God, why is this happening to me? What I always go back to is hey, you know what? Is this situation going to take away my basic needs? Is this situation going to take away my basic needs Food, clothing, shelter? I lived a crazy life where that was a constant struggle. Basic needs, right as a child, as an adult, certainly, when I was in drugs and alcohol all of that like basic needs weren't even. It wasn't even a consideration. But early recovery, right when I was rebooting my life at 29 and 40, I was grateful that I had a roof over my head. I was grateful that I had food to eat. I was grateful that I had the means to get from point A to point B.
Speaker 1:That can help you get into that mindset over circumstance. It's having that attitude of gratitude that I say to myself I'm fortunate, I, my friends, I live a fortunate life in so many ways. There are many people that would only wish to have the life I have. I don't really think in those terms because I want people to have the life I have and more. But that's that mindset over circumstance and things that you can do.
Speaker 1:I've learned that it's important for me to own the feelings I have. Don't ignore those, like don't. Don't just stuff your feelings Like I'm not saying, get into action so that you don't feel. I think it's important to feel, but I think it's also important to get into action because I can do it there. There can be some times where you're like, oh, I got this problem and if I just ignore it, it's not there. Well, that's not true. The problem's still going to be there. The best thing you can do is to get into action. So, mindset over circumstance.
Speaker 1:I always think of Bob Moad and his attitude of gratitude and his right attitude, and he would give examples of people who have been through just crazy life situations and have risen above Right. So if my story helps you to rise above, please use that. But think of your own life. I kind of flick back to flick up right and flick back to think have I been through a situation worse than this, like our car getting keyed? I have no idea where it happened, I don't even care now it's like, oh my God, but have I been through worse?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've had a car totaled. Right, I've had a car totaled and had no insurance to replace it. How do you like that? Yeah, I have insurance. So our car getting keyed not a big deal, right? Think of situations that you've been through in your life where you've gotten through them and risen above. That can be a very good tool, with this mindset over circumstance, to help you forge ahead. That's going to be it for this one. Remember, my goal for this podcast is for you to recognize that you have it within you to do amazing things. No-transcript.