The door to the next chapter doesn't just open: The Fool

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, hello. Welcome back to the show. This is Sarah. It's been a while. I am going through I'm going through changes. Yeah, but I just I saw I had to get that out. Um yeah, I'm going through changes. And you know, sometimes the process of evolving and changing and moving into the next stage of your life literally takes years. It doesn't take a day, two days, you know, a week, a month. This has felt like an ongoing journey for me for a few years, and I'm gonna talk about that today. Um, and really just hopefully to inspire you uh or to uplift you or to validate you in whatever process you are currently going through, and just to know that um it probably will take longer than you'd hope. Um, I know it has for me. I'm still very much in the process, and um, I really thought that this would have been sorted out a while ago. Um, and I also just want to say that, you know, nothing at the same time, right? Nothing is nothing is wrong, nothing is bad. There's nothing to fix. There are just inner desires that I have for my life. There are things and you know, goals and dreams and hopes and wishes and wants that I have, and they haven't quite shown up yet. And uh that makes us think, or at least makes me think, that something's wrong. And I have to remind myself that nothing is wrong. I'm just in the process. So, anywho, that's an intro. Um, this show is changing a little bit with all of that being said. Um, the way that I was doing things, where I was kind of doing a weekly uh tarot reading, you know, for the week ahead. I did enjoy that. However, it just didn't feel totally um natural for me to be consistent with that, and that is something that I think requires consistent consistency, right? Or that would rather be the point of it, um, is for me to be consistent and it just didn't feel fully natural, authentic, whatever you want to say, to do that here. Um, I've been doing that actually on my Substack. I've been sending out a weekly tarot reading. It's short, sweet, to the point. Um, and so you can check that out. I will put that link in the show notes, but this is gonna be a little bit different. This show is going to mold and evolve and change, as I believe all things should, right? We are never stuck in the silo that we, you know, first decided in our mind. We can get into another track, we can, you know, choose a different path, we can turn around, walk back, and go a different way, right? So that's where I am. I have changed the title. If you have not noticed, or if you're new to the show, the title has changed. It used to be called Stop, Start, Continue, your weekly tarot reading. And now it's Tarot When You Need It. So, welcome to this new iteration. Um, I'm really excited about this, and I was just gonna say that I'm totally just off script riffing. I really I don't do scripts for the show. Um, I don't do well reading off of things, so I'm really just I'm just rolling with it. So if it sounds like I'm rolling with it, it's because I am. I'm here though today with inspiration, with something that I want to share with you, which is an experience, a story in my personal life that happened years ago at this point. But the lesson of the story seems to be coming back cyclically for me at this time. And I'm wondering if it might help one of you and maybe a few of you. That would be lovely. And if not, it's just something for you to listen to as you're doing your dishes or driving or, you know, keeping you company while you're cleaning your house. All of that is perfectly fine. But I wanted to share this story with you in relation to the fool tarot card, which if you are familiar with the tarot deck, you know that the fool tarot card is the first card in the deck, quote unquote, right? So there's two different parts to the deck. There's the major arcana and the minor arcana, and the major arcana are those cards like the fool, the magician, the star, the hierophant, the death card. Those can be seen as like major life chapters. That's kind of the Cliff Notes version of the major arcana. They represent different chapters or different archetypes that we embody or encounter in our life. And so we start with the fool. And the fool is actually in the deck, it is not the number one card, it is the number zero card. Um, just a little fun fact. And the fool is a card that doesn't actually often come up for me in readings. And so when it does, it feels very significant. And it's kind of a fun, playful card. It's the first card, right? Again, in this fool's journey in the major arcana, but it actually might be the scariest card in the deck. And I mean that over our traditional quote-unquote scary cards, right? Like the Ten of Swords or the Death card or the tower. No, to me, there's nothing scarier than the fool, because the fool is this realization that the only way that you're gonna truly move forward or move into the next chapter that you so badly want to evolve into is by surrendering, is by letting go, is by not knowing what's next, is by not being able to control what is next. That is what the fool represents, and that is terrifying. The death card can actually be such a welcomed card, right? And we know in the tarot that the death card very rarely actually talks about real, you know, materialistic death in the way that we think of it in this world. The death card is really the end of a cycle. It is a chapter closing. And a lot of times when I get the death card in a reading for myself or a client, I'm thrilled, right? Because it means it's over, thank goodness, or we're we're coming to a conclusion here. Same thing with the Ten of Swords. The Ten of Swords is a visceral card, but it's also a card of surrender and and saying, you know, I'm done with this, or, you know, all all of the all of the different opportunities and you know, chances that I have given this situation have been utilized, right? And and we're we're at the end of the road here, and often that actually comes with relief. But the fool is kind of the opposite of this. It's this also knowing that we're at the end of the road and we have really no choice but to jump and to wait for the net to appear. Oftentimes, the fool in tarot decks, and again, there's so many different artists with so many different interpretations of every single card in the deck, but the fool often does show up at the edge of a cliff. And there is definitely a jovial um nature to the fool, right? The fool looks happy to be at the edge of the edge of the cliff. The the fool very often does not seem to be afraid, does not seem to be questioning the next step off of that cliff. However, I don't think that's really how we feel the experience of the fool. I think that the fool for the person that is in this part of their life, in this chapter, in this beginning of the next stage, this zero card. It is that peering over the cliff. It is that questioning, do I really, you know, what why did I even agree to this? Why did I even come out here? It's it's looking over the edge, turning back around, looking up, you know, turning back around again, looking over the edge, turning back around, walking back. Like it is this, and I've been in these situations physically. I don't know about you, but um I went to a quarry park back in my early 20s. If you're from Ohio, it was Nelson's ledges in Ohio. But I was at this big quarry park, and I stood at the edge of this cliff. You know, I guess you could call it a cliff, right? It was a it was a jump, maybe 10, 15 feet. I don't know. I'm terrified of heights. And I went through this process for, I'm not kidding you, over an hour, maybe even two hours of just looking over the edge, turning around, going back, sitting back on a rock, letting other people jump off, letting my friends have fun, going back over to the edge, looking, maybe even running a little bit, then stopping myself, or you know, dangling my toes off the edge and then turning around. This is the space where we will be in life, where we are waiting for something to change, but we're not willing to make the jump off. And this is what I want to talk to you about today because I'm finding myself here in life where I want this big divine intervention kind of change. I'm wanting this bolt of lightning to come down and strike me, right? And I want all of a sudden my fears and my anxieties to go away, and I want a clear mind, and I want to know exactly what to do, the perfect right step for every next move. And I want all of my dreams and desires to just show up overnight. And I I'm almost laughing to myself as I say this, right? And when I when I say it out loud, it it sounds absolutely ridiculous. But there's a part of me, right, that wants to believe in the magic of the universe and wants to believe that things can change so quickly. And they can. We know they can. We have seen it, whether it's within ourselves, whether we've seen it within other people. Things can change overnight. But there are moves that are made and there are decisions that are had that allow those things to happen. And that is the scary part. The making the move, the making the decision, that is the fool card. That is the I have to do something different for something different to happen. So again, everything can change very quickly. You can be super surprised with what life brings you, pleasantly surprised, right? You can be, you know, in awe of how much even greater things turned out than you could have ever imagined. You can see the success of others and and just be in awe of the the change in their timeline, the speed at which things had shifted for them. Thinking back to, oh my gosh, a year ago they were here. I'm experiencing this as well. I'm watching others have tremendous change happen in their life. And to be honest, I feel stagnant. But it's because I'm waiting for the bolt of lightning. I am waiting for my spirit guides to wake me up in the middle of the night and tell me exactly what to do. I'm waiting for the knock on the door with a letter that says you inherited a million dollars from a super distant relative that you've never met. I am waiting for the perfect astrological moment for everything to line up. This is a trap. And I I want to be clear, right? That this is, you know, I think that we could discuss this way of thinking as, you know, lazy or entitled or, you know, foolish. Literally, we're talking about the fool card. And sure, that might all be true. But I also think that there is something about our inner desires that goes to these crazy places like the lottery or the perfect astrological moment, or you know, whatever kind of crazy thing that you have conjured up that needs to happen for your life to change. That is the hopeful part inside of us that is afraid to do the thing in this life, in our world, that has to happen to open the door to what is next. The truth is the acceleration of whatever thing or things or chapter that you are wanting to step into, it is right there. The potential is right there. But the blockade and the thing that is making you maybe stop believing in magic, stop believing in miracles, is the fact that you have not made the move, the move past the fear. You cannot keep putting a band-aid on situations in your life. You must leave the wound open at some point and allow it to heal. You must allow things to be exposed and go through their process. You have to do the thing that you've been avoiding, and there's just no other way to say it. Now, as I'm saying all of this, I just realized, and this is why I'm saying, guys, I am off the cuff with these podcasts. If you didn't believe me, I truly am. Um, I totally forgot that I came on here to tell you a story, and so let me tell you this story really quickly. So back when I was in college, um I was introduced to a company who sold sex toys. And I really thought it was super fun. Um, this was a company that you could essentially be a contractor for. We now know these as MLMs, right? Multi-level marketing. And I know a lot of people have a lot of opinions on MLMs. And I'm gonna tell you that I'm right there with you. Um, I agree that for the most part, they're predatory, they are uh deceiving, all of the things. I am not disagreeing with you whatsoever, but I will say in this case, this particular opportunity for me did lead to a lot of next chapter stuff. It led to the next chapter of my life, it led to a lot of abundance, success, growth, and really kind of led me into the chapter of my 20s. So putting all the MLM conspiracy behind, which by the way, at some point I would love to do a podcast on that because I do have a lot to say about it. Um, I was heavily involved with this world for many years, but I was introduced to this MLM in my early 20s. I think I was like exactly 20 years old. And I ended up joining this MLM right around that time, and very quickly discovered that this was something that I really enjoyed. I loved, I was good at. It gave me a sense of empowerment. It really kind of showed me what I was good at, which was connecting with others, which was public speaking. These were skills that I didn't necessarily get to utilize in my college setting. And so this was a very untraditional path that really kind of showed me who I was, um, or at least the beginning of it, right? And again, this is another thing that I just want to say like nothing in this life is the end all be all. This this company was not the end-all be-all for me, but what it did do is it showed me where I shined and where I was able to have an impact on other people in a positive way, right? And it felt good for the first time in my life. I felt like I kind of knew where I belonged. So, anywho, I graduate college, never thinking, you know, I wasn't really sure what I was gonna do with this MLM thing. This was just kind of a way to make some extra money while I was in school. I was definitely not planning on this to be my career or anything like that, right? I had actually had full intentions of continuing on to get my master's and then eventually get my PhD and be a professor. But funny enough, um, all of my professors that I had consulted about this idea um of pursuing a PhD advised me against it. And I I followed their guidance. I did. Um, or at least I said, you know, I'm just gonna wait and kind of let things figure themselves out. And I'm glad that I did that. I ended up moving to a different city and I had to kind of build this little business that I had started in college back from scratch because I was now in a new population. I needed different customers. And so as I moved to this new city, I started waitressing. You know, this was something that I waitressing was my first job when I was 15. I worked at a diner. So it was the thing I knew how to do. It was easy. It was, you know, if you've ever been a server, you know that it is addictive money because it is it is easy money, quote unquote, right? And we know that it is not an easy job whatsoever, but it's quick, accessible money. And so I started waitressing, and that is where I dug my heels into comfort. I definitely had some feedback from people in my life of okay, you just went and got a very expensive degree and you worked very hard. You were in the honors college, you actually graduated with two degrees, and you're waitressing. Now, if you know anything about that time period, you know, it was 2013, and let's be honest, I don't know if it's ever really gotten any better. Um the job market, especially for someone with an English and psychology degree, was not booming. So I could go work at a library for$8 an hour, or I could be a server and make server money. And so that's what I was doing. But, you know, serving was definitely nothing that I ever found any sort of gratification from. Um, in fact, service industry work is just not for me. Um, it's in my blood. I know how to do it, um, but no gratification there whatsoever. And I knew that it was it was not really a place where I was thriving as a person. And I knew this specifically because, again, I was having kind of this counter experience of being in this MLM and feeling so empowered, feeling like when I was in that space, I was shining. And then I'm waitressing, and I feel like I'm just this little miserable turtle, you know, kind of. I don't know why I was like a miserable turtle, right? But I just felt like I had my head. Down going slow, going through the motions, right? Because it's what I had to do to survive. There was no soul, spirit, gratification there whatsoever. It did not feel like a divine calling, purpose, nothing. And as someone that has always felt a need, right, to to be passionate and to be forward moving, being in this restaurant job was the complete opposite. And so again, I'm building this business and it's slowly building. Slowly, but it kind of got to a point and it was a plateau, right? And I I hear about plateaus a lot in weight loss in the fitness world. Um this idea that what you're doing isn't working anymore, right? So that's I think kind of how we hear it in the fitness world, in the weight loss world is okay, what you've been doing has been working, but it's not going to continue to work. You're going to need to do something different. And that right there, I think, is the absolute pinnacle of the full tarot card. It is, if we could embody it in one sentence, it's what got you here won't get you there. Something must change. And so that's where I was at in this in this job with my business. Okay, so I'm doing these things for this business, I'm seeing some results, but ultimately I'm just kind of stuck at this point. I'm never gonna go further until something changes. Until really I create space in my life. This is like if you just kept going grocery shopping and never cleaned out your fridge of the leftovers and the expired ranch and the, you know, yada yada yada, you eventually would just not have room in the fridge. There is a certain point where you stop having room, you stop having capacity and something must fall away. Some things need to get thrown out. And so that's where it was for me with this MLM business that I was loving, that I was finding a ton of fulfillment with, and my job. And I remember talking to my mentor very specifically about this situation, and she said to me, every minute that you are at that job is is taking away from your, you know, spiritual bank account. And I don't think she actually said this to be fair. This is a little bit of my elaboration. Um, but essentially she was like, you know, this is this is deducting right from your not only your time, your actual hours, minutes, and seconds of the day, time that you could be spending on this business, but it's also depleting you emotionally, spiritually, physically. And it was. I mean, again, if you've ever done service work, you are on your feet, you are dealing with people, you are dealing with annoying people, right? It is draining on all levels. And so I think in our world, we are taught to think of everything as dollars and cents, black and white, A plus B equals C. And there are so many people that would tell you, well, you're only waitressing for six hours, and there's 24 hours in the day, and you're only sleeping for eight hours. So do the math. You should still have X amount of hours to work on your business. And I'm here to tell you that the fool card is here to remind you that if you want something different, you have to do something different. Just because you have X amount of hours available to you for something to be worked on, for something to be focused on, created, whatever, change, doesn't mean you actually have the bandwidth and energy to do so. Because everything has a price. Everything has a price. And to think otherwise is foolish. To think that you can dedicate so much of yourself to other things that are not building you, that are not growing you, that are not sh making you, you know, feel expanded, they are depleting you. That will take from you and that will take more than time. It's not gonna just take the amount of hours that you're doing it. Or it's not, you can't, you can't compartmentalize something that is draining you. If you think of when you spill something, this drives me crazy. I have a plant that every time I go to water it, it overflows, and it's right by the speaker for our TV. Yeah, great placement, right? And it for whatever reason, it starts to dribble over the little tray that I have for the plant, and then I think it's just gonna stay in this little sustained area, this little like area where it's not gonna touch the speaker, and then all of a sudden it just floods down, and I have to lift the speaker up, and you know, I have to yell for Ronnie to go get me a towel and a spill, right? Always just infiltrates far more area than you ever anticipated, and that's why spills are so frustrating. And this is exactly what is happening when you are invested in something in your life, when you are giving something in your life more time or just any time, right? When when you are giving something in your life energy, it will spill over into different parts of your life, especially if what it reciprocates with, what it gives you is the negativity. What gives what it gives to you is stress, what it gives to you is depression, depletion. That will spread. You cannot contain that. I don't care how hard you try. You might be able to fake it for a while, but eventually it will spill over. And so, my little story for you is again, this mentor who very much is a spiritual woman as well, and was speaking about this in a way of, you know, this is this is you, you're you're putting your time and energy when you go to this restaurant, you're putting your time and energy into something that does nothing but take you further and further away from what you want and who you are. It takes you farther and farther away from you. You cannot expect to get closer to your goals, to who you want to be, or who you feel you are by giving so much of yourself or putting so much of your focus and energy into something that is such the polar opposite of what you are hoping to step into. And so that is the full card. And the spoiler alert here is that I eventually quit the restaurant job and I did not have a penny saved. And as I say that now again, I'm like, oh my god, that is only something that you can do in your 20s, which is not true. I'm gonna say that right now. I've gotta say that yes, you might wanna. Let me just say that it's more of a 20-year-old or 23-year-old, I think I was, decision. You can maybe be a little bit more wise about it as you get older. You can still make a big scary, scary change. Um, but yeah, maybe have a few more dollars in your bank account than I did. But I I left. I I left and I did not, I really did not have a penny to my name. And I was really just going off a hope and a prayer, and it worked. And I do not want the moral of this story to be, well, you were in your young 20s and blah, blah, blah. It doesn't matter. Yes, the circumstances were different. Um, I had a little bit less or a lot less, right? Responsibility at that point, and the risk, you know, analysis was a little bit lower. Um, things are different now. I find myself in a very, very similar situation today, right now, and I have a plan to step away from something that is absolutely draining me on every level so that I can go toward the thing that I know I'm meant to do, which is this work right here that I'm doing. I need to give it my all. I need to give it my full attention. And yes, my plan has to look different this time. I have to move more slowly, I have to be more methodical, I have to have some more money in the bank, I have to have more of a plan, but that does not take away from the moral of the story of back in 2015 when I walked away from that job and I put my all into my business. What happened was pure magic. We have the full card, and this the the card that is right after the full cards, the first step on the journey, is the magician. And that is what is on the other side of the door. When you finally do the thing that you are trying to avoid doing, how can I create magic in my life without taking the risk? My friend, I don't think it's possible. I think in order to have the magic, you have to take the risk. That's the part of it. That's that's the reason why there are so many people that will not experience that magic is because they let the fear keep the door shut. They never walk into the next chapter. And I feel emotional, like I could almost cry at this because I know it's I it's so true. The minute that you do the thing that you are avoiding, that you are trying to figure out a way, how can I not do this but still get the result that I want? There's no way around it. You have to do it. You have to, you have, you know what you need to do, you know the next step. You have to take it. And when I took that step back in 2015, it might have been 2014. I don't know. I need to check my timeline. Now I'm kind of curious. But regardless, when I took that step, there were so many moments where I asked myself, what in the hell am I doing? In days where I would go, oh my gosh, I really don't know if I'm gonna make it another day. I might need to start applying for jobs again. I how is this gonna work? And then later that day, I would get a booking. I would get an order placed on my website. Something would happen that would keep me going. And eventually that builds and that builds and that builds and that builds, and that's momentum. And that is the wave that once you get on that wave, you're golden. Once you get into the momentum, you ride that. And you don't ride it forever, right? There's an end to all things, as we talked about, the death card. Things change, cycles close. But you're at the beginning right now. You're on the edge of the cliff, looking over, contemplating, wanting to know what's it gonna feel like? Am I gonna hurt myself if I jump? How far down is it? Is there a net? Will someone catch me? Will I catch myself, right? And you you can't know it. And I think that's the biggest lesson here is that you absolutely cannot know what will happen. That's the magic. You no matter how much you plan or research, you will not know what is on the other side of the door until you decide to walk through it. And you can't walk through it with conditions, you can't have one arm out and one arm in and one head around the corner. You have to step fully in, shut the door, and move forward. So that's the fool card. Um, yeah, I, you know, I just felt like I needed to share this today, and I hope that I hope that this helps somebody somewhere um make the move, right? I am preparing to make a move in a couple months, and it is gonna be very scary, and it is gonna very much be a complete leap of faith, and it is something that I have contemplated for the better of five years now at this point, and um it has to happen. You will get to a point, I believe, right? I think we all do, where we know that things are inevitable if we really want change, and please be brave enough to do the thing that you know you need to do. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. I love you, I believe in you. I know that you're gonna be just fine on the other side. And in fact, I think you're gonna thrive on the other side. I'll see you there. Have a great day. Love ya.