True Surrender Brought Victory

Your marriage can survive betrayal and addiction, but only when the foundation is deeper than feelings and control. We sit down with Spencer and Jennifer Caudle for their first time on Beyond Sunday, and they share a vulnerable, hope-filled testimony of Christian marriage restoration. Jennifer grew up with the pain of divorce and carried a vow to never let her future family fall apart. That fear shaped everything, including where she looked for safety. 

Their story moves through real-world consequences: cheating that comes to light, the exhausting weight of hidden sin, and the ways we try to cope when we don’t know how to heal. Jennifer talks about numbing with alcohol and marijuana and trying to control life so she would never be blindsided again. Spencer explains the relief that confession brings, even when consequences still follow. As they commit to church and spiritual growth, Jennifer describes conviction through Bible study, the battle to surrender substances, and a powerful encounter at a women’s conference that resets her identity in Christ. 

Just when it seems like the worst is behind them, more layers surface: porn addiction, insecurity, nonstop fighting, and the lie that “I’m not enough.” They share what it looks like to rebuild trust, walk through forgiveness, and learn that healing is a process, not a switch. Then another shock hits, a message from a 21-year-old claiming to be Spencer’s child. That moment exposes the root issue again: misplaced security. Through Scripture, surrender, and honest repentance, they land on the truth that God alone is the strong tower and the only safe place to build a home. 

If you’re navigating betrayal trauma, addiction recovery, or you’re simply tired of carrying fear and control, this conversation points to a better foundation. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find these testimonies of healing.

Transcript

Welcome And Meet Spencer And Jennifer

SPEAKER_02 0:07

What's going on, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Beyond Sunday. I'm your host, Pastor Lee Day, and I pastor Christ Family Outreach Church, located in Amelia Courthouse, Virginia. And if you've not yet made your way out to say hello, please do this Sunday. Doors open at 9 30. Service begins at 10 a.m. On today's episode, I've got two people at the table with me. This is their very first time on the show. It is a husband and wife team, Spencer and Jennifer Cottle. How are the two of you doing today?

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Very good. Thank you for having us.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Jennifer, like most young girls from a very young age, you look forward to getting married one day, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:42

I did, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

And having children, making a family of your own. But growing up, you watched your parents go through this ugly thing called divorce. Yes. And because of that, you knew based off of what you saw, what you were feeling, what you had experienced, that divorce was not something that you wanted to go through when you grew up and God gave you a husband. And so you saw the negative impact that divorce had on your family.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

I did.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Now you you did not realize it at the time, but even at a young age, to protect yourself from that, you started, Jennifer, placing your security in what you thought would make you feel safe and protected without even realizing it, right? So explain to the listeners what that looked like, putting your security into something else other than God so that you would be safe.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

So I remember being very young and just knowing that I wanted a husband, I wanted children, I wanted these things. But what I didn't know is that I was trying to use that as a source of love, a source of safety, a source of security. And even at a young age, I knew that I wanted these things. And everybody wants them, they're not wrong things. But what I was doing was attaching a source of love, um, longing, belonging to um a family, a husband. And I didn't realize it for a long time. Actually, it took uh many years for the Lord to reveal that I was placing my security in something, and it started at a very young age.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Yeah. And rather than it being in God, yeah, right, it was in things

Chasing Family As Security

SPEAKER_02 2:10

and habits of the world, and we'll get into that in just a moment. But growing up, you had a few relationships, okay, boyfriend, girlfriend type deals. Uh, but around the age of 21, you you meet Spencer, right? And you guys started dating. Uh, where did you guys meet by chance?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

We actually met on the internet.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Okay. All right. On the world wide web, as they call it, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:30

We did.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Uh now, I want to point out that neither one of you at that time were truly walking with the Lord, right? Absolutely. And even though you both, although had been saved as children, right? You're just you're just no longer walking that walk. You're you're not being in step with the spirit as scripture tells us to be. Right. So, in your testimony, Jennifer, you said that you guys were trying to fill your lives with worldly satisfication, not realizing um that these things of the world truly were not going to fulfill and satisfy. Kind of like fills the cup and then gets empty again. And you get in that ugly, dirty cycle of constantly putting more world in, it drains you, leaves you empty, high and dry, then you got to go get it all over again. Absolutely. And you guys still hadn't come to the realization yet that, hey, we need to surrender to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior as a family, right? When when children came on and things like that. This is the only thing that that is gonna completely fulfill and satisfy us. What what do you think, Jennifer, kept you guys from coming to church for so long? Was it a product of how you were raised? Was it just not wanting to give up what you were enjoying in the world? What was the reason for not truly getting into church as a couple?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I was scared. Uh I was scared to let go of uh the sin that I was enjoying uh back then. I was drinking a whole lot, smoking a whole lot of pot. And I was raised in church. So I knew that those things were not of God, uh, but they were covering up and helping me cope with so much that I was going through uh and even going through in our marriage that we'll get into. Um so we just didn't. It was like almost like I was numb to that part.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Uh, and it wasn't awakened uh yet.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Not yet, but it would be praise God. Yes, praise God. Uh so Jennifer, you end up getting pregnant with Logan. He's y'all's oldest, and you guys move in with one another. You're not married yet, but you guys got pregnant, you moved in with one another. That's right. Because even though you weren't married, you wanted that family unit ever since you were a little girl, right? Yes. You wanted that family unit. How long was it, Spencer? I'm gonna get to you for a moment. How long was it after moving together that you guys got married?

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Four years, maybe a little bit. Yeah, right around there, four years.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

Okay, but then something happened, right? Because after living together for about four years, right, Jennifer, you find out that Spencer had been cheating on you the whole time with another woman while y'all were dating. Not while you were married. Correct. Correct. But while y'all were dating. Correct. Okay. And in your testimony, Jennifer, you said, and I quote, as angry and sad as I was, I was committed and driven to keep our family together. So I pretty much blew past the hurt, pushed it down really far, and kept walking through life, unquote. And I think that not just for relationship issues, but I think we're all guilty of that in different areas of our life where rather than deal with it, we just push it down. We try to bury it as though it's not there. But it's kind of like that dog that's always chasing the truck down the road barking. You know what I mean? Like you, you, you know it's there. You may not look back in the rearview mirror, but but but but it is there if you do look back.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

And I thought there was a part of it of him trying to reconcile, him being sorry, him really being changed by the Lord when it all came to light that would make me okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

And so I just kept moving forward because I truly did love him. We did love each other. Uh, there was just baggage that the Lord had to help us unpack and truly uh reveal in our life and help us work through. And at that time, uh, it was just so painful. Yeah, um, that I didn't know how to go into depth to let the Lord heal me. Um, so I just kept walking forward with what I wanted out of life, which was a husband. It was our family being intact. And again, those things aren't wrong, but I was truly placing

Infidelity Revealed And Numbing Pain

SPEAKER_00 6:10

security in those things instead of the Lord.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Yeah, because if we go back to where we began this episode, you you were a product of divorce. Yeah, you know what that looked like. You did not want to split, right? You know, you you did not want to lose Spencer, you did not want to, you know, raise a child without a present dad, you know, in in the home. You had seen that ugliness of what divorce does and and how it tears families apart and you wanted nothing to do with it. Share with the listeners, because you've already brought this up a little bit, but kind of kind of delve into it a little bit more, if you would. How would you numb yourself from the pain of finding that information out, right? So when you when you found out that this was going on while y'all were dating, what did you turn to even more to just numb it and just try to forget it?

SPEAKER_00 6:54

So I think that's twofold. Uh back then I was drinking a whole lot, uh, smoking pot a whole lot. Um, I was smoking pot actually every day, all day. Um, and it just kept my mind preoccupied. It kept me my mind from racing, it kept my mind from allowing it to go to the places uh where I could actually be healed. And the other part of that is uh I really leaned into control, actually, um trying to uh make sure I had control over the situation so I wouldn't be blindsided ever again, so that I wouldn't be caught off guard, so that I would make sure that I was quote unquote in control of our marriage, of our life. And um I think that those two things honestly were the the things that I delved into the most uh instead of surrendering to the Lord.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Now, you feeling like you had to be in control to keep this from happening again. That's probably causing a lot of arguments. Absolutely. Right. Oh, yeah. One one would guess with within the home. Spencer, at at the time when you got caught and all cards just kind of hit the table, if you will, you were truly sorry for what you had done. Correct. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. True, truly repent of um, not not looking to go behind her back and do it again, you know, like what they've done has been done.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

As a matter of fact, um very soon after that, um, I asked her to marry me. And it was on the surface, it probably looked a little bit like, okay, well, this is how I'm gonna keep this together. But underneath, I knew all along that this was what I wanted to. Like she said earlier, there was so much and it's more than we can get into today, but there was so much baggage from both of us in the very beginning that never got dealt with. Yeah, that I don't even know how to put it. It just it this was what this was the natural progress, this is what had to happen. Yeah, you know, we both had to sit down and commit, okay, from here forward is gonna be a new day. You know, from here backwards, yeah, I messed up big time, really bad. But from here forward is gonna be that's new, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:09

Right. And if we're gonna go forward, we can't get caught up looking backwards, may have to deal with some consequences that we that we have to suffer because of it, but we can't, we can't live in the past. You

Truth In The Light And Rebuilding Trust

SPEAKER_02 9:20

guys actually end up begin going to church uh because Jennifer, in your testimony, you said that you knew Spencer wanted to live a different life than the life that he had been living for so long. And you said in your testimony that Spencer had been praying for change, but it did not come the way that he thought it would come. What did you mean by that?

SPEAKER_00 9:38

I'm not totally sure how he thought his prayers would be answered, but they were answered with the truth coming to the light. And when we bring the truth to the light, the darkness has no power anymore. And we're able to expose it to the to the light and and grow from it to move on from it. Um, we had to have a lot of hard conversations. We had to have a lot of things that neither one of us wanted to deal with, but when we brought them to the light, it truly stripped away all the shame. Yes, there was hurt. Yes, there was pain that had to be dealt with, but I remember Spencer being changed just by simply bringing it to the light. And we did start coming to church. We did commit to coming to church and walking with the Lord and trying to grow in that.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

Spencer, for any man or woman that may be out there that has something like this, that they just need to get off their chest, because it's not just men, right? Absolutely. Could you just share quickly the release or the load that is taken off your shoulders and how that does allow you to mentally move on, even though you got to go through some consequences, you are allowed to start moving forward.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

So you don't think about it in the moment. Like when you're in when you're actively involved in sin, when you're actively cheating, when you're actively in addiction, because that was something else I struggled with too. Um, you know, you don't think about just how much you're carrying and juggling, trying to separate and keep everything, every neither side from finding out about the other. You know what I mean? Yeah. Trying to keep everything compartmentalized. But when that box is opened, yeah, and when it's like, hey, I don't have to carry this anymore. Yeah, it it you could physically feel it leave. Yeah. And it's like, okay, you can't do anything else to me now. Yeah. You know, there is no more the enemy doesn't have any power over this because now my wife knows. Yeah. Now I don't have to try to hide this anymore. As painful as it is, and as much as it can cause you know, fights for a long time, yeah. It's I can talk to her about it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

The the deed is out there.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

It's out there, right? And there's no I don't have to try to hide this anymore. And and it and it it literally was a Tuesday, everything was was separated. Wednesday morning, that old life was gone, yeah, and her and I could talk about it now, and it hurt really, really bad. But the weight was gone. Amen. And now I could start to heal. Yeah, yeah. That's right. You know, there, like I said, there was other stuff that had that would come out later that I still had to deal with. There were other consequences that I had to deal with. Right. But getting that off was was a release. That was a big release. It was worth it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

Being honest is always is always the way to go. Absolutely. Fast forward a little bit now because there would be years of rebuilding trust in y'all's relationship. Yeah. Um, and and here's what is so important. You both were committed to the process. I can't tell you guys how many times I've had to counsel couples and try to get them both on the same page at the same time. Far too many times, unfortunately, the wife is ready to move forward, the husband's not. And then once the husband finally comes around, the wife, she's back off. You know, she's like, nah, nah, I'm not dealing with them no more, or vice versa. You know, it's like, man, if we could just get both of them on the same page at the same time, we could move forward. But you can't move forward if one of them is still resentful or or dealing with anger and you know, just doesn't want to move forward. Yeah, they have to move forward together. And and you guys wanted to both move forward together. You didn't get hung up in that ugly, vicious cycle that I just mentioned, but you were both committed to making this relationship work. Amen. Praise God. And and one year later in 2017, Spencer, as you mentioned earlier, you guys got married. And here we are today. A lot has gone on, and you guys are actively both serving. Uh, you know, you're part of CFO's family, you guys are in church, you're there faithfully. After you got married, the Lord started working in in both of your hearts, right? And you were going to church, you're working on repairing your trust, you're walking in forgiveness, and you're also, Jennifer, according to your testimony, you're having to navigate some bitterness. Yeah, right. Because that all that didn't leave at one time. That's right. And so we're gonna kind of jump into that because you said that the same year you got married, God then began convicting you about your alcohol

Conviction And Freedom From Substances

SPEAKER_02 14:10

and pot smoking. Yep. And I've got a question for you because some of this had to do with the Bible study and you kind of having your eyes open to it. Yes. So walk the listeners through all of that because it was your very first Bible study that you had attended at CFO Church. What was the study called?

SPEAKER_00 14:28

So the study was called Think Differently. And I remember coming in and starting this Bible study, not really having any expectations. I just wanted to grow with the Lord. And we got about halfway into it, and uh the Lord hit me so hard with um the verse actually that's uh says, drunkenness will not inherit the kingdom of God. Uh, that's not word for word, but I remember that's what he what he sh what he showed me. And um it hit me hard and I knew that this was an area he was calling me to surrender was drinking and smoking pot, and that I was using that to cover up so much pain and um just not deal with it, to not deal with anything that I actually needed to deal with. But it took me a while to surrender that. I feel like uh once I knew what to surrender, Satan just gripped it so much harder. And it was so hard to surrender that. It actually, I actually had more cravings. I actually wanted it more. Um, I wanted to smoke pot more. I wanted to have excuses to go to events where I knew uh we would be smoking pot or or recreational activities. Um, so it took me a while. And there was a part of me, uh, if I'm honest, that enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

And my flesh enjoyed it. And um I had to get to the point, and it took three years to surrender that to the Lord. Um, and I tried over and over and over again to lay it down, to stop, to not go back to it. Um, and I couldn't, I could not do it on my own.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

Yeah, because in your words, you were using and drinking to cover up the hurt, yeah, to numb the pain, to provide an escape from the feelings that seemed too hard to deal with. Yeah. But I appreciate your honesty. You you also said, hey, I also did it because I liked it. Yeah. You know, my flesh enjoyed it, right? So you you thought that drinking and smoking pot would would begin to um cover everything up, all the struggles that you were having. That's right. Um, but you got to a point, as you just mentioned, you didn't think you were gonna be able to get rid of it ever. Like you you thought that this was gonna be a partner with you from here on out.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

I really did think I would struggle with this for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

Yeah, but then there's a butt god. Amen. There's a but god moment because in the beginning of 2020, God met you at a woman's conference. He did. You were in the middle of an art course, yes, right? And at this conference, and explain what happened right here while you're doing this, this, this art course.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

So uh in this art course, she asked us to close our eyes and she asked us to uh of course pray and talk to the Holy Spirit, but um it was about our identity in Christ. And I remember just sitting there and the Holy Spirit just fell on me like I had never experienced him before. And I just began to cry. And that cry turned into I I just bawling in front of everybody and I didn't care because it was almost like he was washing every piece of me clean. And I just surrendered to it. And I don't even know to this day what I painted. Yeah, but I know that he met me right there and he washed me and he showed me something new that was going to change my life from that moment.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

Praise God. So were the other ladies in the room noticing, or were they kind of having their own moments with the Lord, or like how how did that transition?

SPEAKER_00 17:50

So they did notice, uh, but they just painted their paintings. It was it was a pretty normal moment for them.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Uh, but for me, it was everything that I needed.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

Amen. So you surrendered to the will of God, and from that moment forward, you no longer had any cravings for alcohol, you no longer wanted to smoke marijuana. You said that you did not want to hide from God or your feelings any longer. Yeah, you knew they had to be dealt with. And you said this, and I quote, it felt like I was saved from the first time for the first time again. Yeah. Like I had completely surrendered my life to the Lord and began walking with him in a brand new way that was surrendered to him. Yeah. And in 2 Corinthians 5.17, Paul writes, because I believe this is the type of moment you had, Paul writes, uh, 2 Corinthians 5.17, therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold, the new has come.

SPEAKER_04 18:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

And I I feel like that's exactly the transition that you started taking at that moment in your faith walk. But but here's the deal. Just because we turn to Christ, it doesn't mean that we no longer uh face problems. It doesn't mean that we no longer are going to be tempted and have ugly things in this world happen to us, right? But it does mean, however, that God is willing to walk with us through the mess. And that's what you begin to experience is this real personal relationship that God is walking with you

Porn Addiction And Learning To Heal

SPEAKER_02 19:10

through the mess. And at the end of that same year in 2020, you guys find out that Spencer had a had a porn addiction. Right. Okay. And and every ounce of hurt that you had stuffed deep down inside is now coming back up.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:25

Right. You you thought you had buried it, but but here comes these emotions again. For months, you guys fought nonstop. We didn't. That's what your your testimony says. And you said that it was mainly because of how insecure you felt. Can can you explain that? Because somewhere out there, someone is struggling, male or female, with the same type of situation. They've they found out that their spouse is in a type of addiction, and yet these insecurities have come in, and this is why you're arguing so heavily. So what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 19:56

I think this insecurity that I was dealing with the most was uh feeling like I wasn't enough for him. Um, feeling like there was always had to be something else. And that was hard to process, that was hard to um to deal with. And even though I was feeling it and knew I needed to deal with it, I didn't know how. There was so much hurt, there was so much anger, there was so much that just kept coming out and wouldn't stop that it was I I just didn't know how to deal with it at the time. And so I would um start arguments with him. And for months, I I guess my thinking was if I'm honest, you hurt me. You need to fix it.

SPEAKER_03 20:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:43

And he would never be able to do that. He would never be able to fix that part in my heart. But at this time in my healing, I didn't quite realize that. And for months on end, we would go, um, just the the smallest little thing would spark an argument inside of me because that pain would just well back up and I didn't know what to do with it yet.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

Yeah, yeah. And oftentimes when a per a person, particularly a spouse, is wounded, it doesn't take much, does it, Spencer? You just not at all. One one little thing, and then it just like re-rips the scab off or just redigs at the wound.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

And it didn't matter, and that's the thing. I mean, it didn't matter what I did. I couldn't fix what I had already done. Right. I couldn't put the genie back in the bottle, right? Yeah. But it did, it really was for a period of time where it was like something would come to light, and it's like, okay, we got that out.

SPEAKER_05 21:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

And then it's like, okay, then another a month later, something else would come up. And then a month later, something else would come up. And what I mean, there's all these skeletons coming out to come up. All the skeletons all the skeletons were coming out, and it was like once once the door was opened, I couldn't keep 'em. I they just kept coming.

SPEAKER_05 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

And what I realized through that. Process and I couldn't I wanted to fix it because I didn't want her to hurt. I didn't want my actions, my pain, my sin, to continue to cause her pain.

SPEAKER_05 22:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

But I can't fix that. All I could do was fix me.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

And I tell you, listening to her over and over, when we especially when we would fight talk about how she wasn't enough for me, that hurt more than anything. Because my addiction had absolutely nothing to do with her. Right. At all. Right. You know, this was years before I ever met her. And as it turns out, that my my infidelity was just a symptom of that addiction.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Right.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

You know, and that that's a whole nother story. But you know, it was it was really, really hard to watch.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

And isn't it something though, like how the enemy gin made you feel like this was about you? Right. So, oh well, he cheated on me. I'm I must not be good enough. Oh, he's got a porn addiction. I must not, I must not be good enough. Absolutely. And so Satan is attacking you, trying to now get you to leave Spencer.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Right. And walk us through the time that you sat down with Spencer, but you had something to say. But it you in your testimony it said it's like the Lord glued your lips together because you're ready to leave him. Yeah. Right. So what happened in that conversation?

SPEAKER_00 23:29

So I remember uh the enemy just attacking my mind of this marriage will never get better. Um, the only way for it to get better is to get a divorce. And after hearing that for so long, I um I remember the day I was like, okay, I'm gonna do it. And I called him in the living room. We both sat down on the couch and I went to speak, and absolutely no words came out of my mouth. I couldn't even open my mouth. And it was as if the Lord had just shut my mouth. And for the longest time, we just sat on the couch looking at each other. And I knew from that point forward I had to turn to the Lord. And just like Spencer said, I had to start working on myself with the Lord that it wouldn't be Spencer, it wouldn't be anybody else that came in to save me, but God had his hand out and he was waiting for me to take his hand and walk with him.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

Amen. Glory to God. And and not too long after that, one morning, you sat down in your quiet time with the Lord and he leads you to the book of Genesis. Yes. Okay, walk us through that very special time which that you had with God that morning.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

So as I open the word, uh, he took me straight to Genesis, and I'm just going through the first chapter. And as I read it, he he does things specifically in order each day. And I remember getting to the end and I remember asking him, God, you're so big. How come you didn't just make it all in one day? And he showed me that this is a process that the fish, the birds, even man that he made couldn't survive on day one if the environment wasn't right. And immediately that went to our situation of this is a process. He's going to faithfully walk me through each process, but it's going to be step by step. It's going to be forgiveness, bitterness, anger, hurt. There were so many layers on top of the security of the root issue that we had to work through first. And he was faithful

Spiritual Leadership And A New Start

SPEAKER_00 25:20

to do that.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Amen. Glory to God. In the spring of 2022, y'all's son wanted to be baptized. Yes. And Spencer, you wanted to baptize him. I did. And on the way to church, the Holy Spirit pressed hard on you. It did. And can convicted you of something. What was the Holy Spirit convicting you about?

SPEAKER_01 25:40

So I was raised in the church, um, but it was always it, it was kind of a it was more of a checkbox. You know, I was saved when I was young, but I didn't know what it meant. I was active in youth group choir, et cetera, et cetera. But I didn't live it. I wasn't in any way an example to my son. I wasn't in any way the leader of my household. I didn't know what any of I mean, if you'd have said that to me at the time, I'd have been like, I don't know what that means. You know, she carried the the spiritual weight of her household. And on the way, I was like, you know, I can't get in that pool and baptize my son the way I am. There's absolutely no way because I'm not there. Right. You know what I mean? I haven't made that commitment. So how can I participate in his commitment if I haven't made it myself? Yeah, that's so good. That's so good.

SPEAKER_02 26:38

So you end up doing what? Getting rebaptized. Amen. Amen. Yeah. So that then you would be able to, in your heart, be in a right place to say, now I can baptize you.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

I've made this commitment and we're gonna do this together.

SPEAKER_02 26:50

Yeah, that's so awesome. Uh so, so great things are happening, right? And things are being healed, things are being worked out, but the healing process is still that. It's a process. Yeah, and I think that's so good

A Surprise Daughter And Old Wounds

SPEAKER_02 27:05

that you point it out from the book of Genesis at the very beginning. And at the end of 2023, Spencer, you receive a Facebook message from a young 21-year-old woman saying, I think I'm your child. Yep. And does the heart stop right there? It just kind of giggle a little bit, say, nah, no way.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

I was like, nah, this is this is I I I honestly thought it was a scam. You know, I thought somebody was gonna be like, Yeah, and I need 500 bucks to get back from Africa.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

And and after some back and forth, she's she actually said, uh, I asked her, I was like, Oh, really? Well, that's funny. You know, that's good to know. Yeah. And the next response was a picture of her mother and her, and I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah, this might have some validity here. I immediately knew exactly who it was.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

Yeah. So so after some back and forth communication, you guys realize that in fact this could be your child. There's some paternity testing going on. You find out that she is your daughter. Uh, Spencer, the truth is that you had been, you had dated her mother years before Jennifer. Years and you started dating. So this is not something that you did behind Jennifer's back. This was something prior to y'all's relationship when y'all were dating. And even then, Jennifer, instantly your testimony says that you felt pieces of anger, hurt, sadness return that you thought had completely been dealt with and worked through in 2021, but yet here they are. Right. Right? They're showing their faces again, all of these emotions. From 2021 until recently, now, 2026, you say in your testimony that God began to work at the root of the problem and he began shifting things around that you had once placed your security in. And you began to notice that each time something happened with or to your husband, um, your world fell apart. Yeah. And you felt like it was your job to hold your family together and make sure that it stayed together. Because again, going back to the beginning of this episode, that's what you always wanted was that family that did not get ruined and wrecked by this thing called divorce, right? What did you notice at that time that you were doing internally? How were you handling with it all of this? Like every time something pops up, like it's it's it's threatening to bust up my marriage. It's it's threatening to take my my children's father out of the house. Like, how were you dealing with these things?

SPEAKER_00 29:28

So I think um I wasn't dealing with them very well. Um, again, all of the emotions came back so hard and intense um that I had to work through them because in my mind it felt like here we go, here's another thing, another thing I've got to walk through, another thing that's come up. And I and at the same time, I felt like we had just gotten to a good place. So I'm like, Lord, what are you doing here? Because everything's good. So, so why do I have to go back to this place? And what he was showing me was is that there's still um we haven't gotten to the root yet. That's what he was showing me. And um in order to take me there, he allowed these things to expose what was really there in my heart.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

Yeah. Yeah, because you say in your testimony that you thought that if you held on to everything tight enough, and that if you controlled it tight enough, and we've all been there before, if you held onto it tight enough, if you controlled it enough, if you tried hard enough that your marriage would never fall apart. So credit to you, even though you're going about it the wrong way at times, credit to you for saying, you know what, I'm digging in, I'm not letting this marriage fall apart. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

And that's just a false sense of security. I thought so much that I had control, but I really didn't. It was just the false sense of, I'm not gonna let this go because I've placed my security here. And I truly had. And the Lord had to walk me through the process of letting my husband go, letting go of the false security of having a marriage, having a family, having children. All of those things are good. But when we place them before the Lord, whatever happens with them, whatever shakes with them shook me too.

SPEAKER_03 31:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

And um, and that's where he was taking me to was to let that go and allow him to have that place in my heart, the number one place in my heart where my security comes from him and him alone.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

Yeah. And you get you end up relying and leaning heavily on the word of God. And in your testimony, you mentioned Proverbs 18, 10, the name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run to it and are safe. Yeah. You also mentioned Psalm 91, uh, that says, God is my shelter, my refuge, he covers me with his wings. He is the one that will protect me, answer me, deliver me, and satisfy me. Yes. Amen. And then Romans 8, 31 through 39, just kind of paraphrasing that nothing can separate us from the love of God. So you came to realize that there was no trauma, no amount of mistakes, no warfare that could take God's love away from you. That's right. And it was it was no longer your husband at this point that made you feel safe and secure. It was no longer having a perfect family intact that made you feel safe and secure. It was no longer being in control that made you feel safe and secure. You had finally figured out it was just going to be God alone. That's right. God alone, because the word of God teaches us that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. So if we depend on each other making us feel peace and loved and uh fulfilled, then we're gonna be let down sooner or later. That's right. You know, I mean, I am here to make my wife feel better and to feel loved and feel safe and protected, but I'll let her down eventually. So she can't put her faith in me. Yeah. And so now you've figured out that you can't put your faith in your marriage and your husband, your children. It's got to be God and God alone. When you stopped holding on to that last piece

Surrender At The Altar And Feeling Again

SPEAKER_02 32:50

of your heart and gave it to God, what happened? Was there freedom? Was there a release? What's going on in your mind and in your heart at that point?

SPEAKER_00 32:56

So I actually woke up. It was a Sunday morning, and I knew I had to surrender this piece of my heart. And we came to church that morning, and I'm already crying. I'm already a mess. Um, and we actually came to church that morning and I waited in the car until worship started because I didn't want to talk to anybody. I wanted to go straight to the altar. And so as worship started playing, I came in and just went immediately to the altar and just laid it all out at the altar. And there were so many women who came and supported me and prayed with me and just stayed with me through the process of surrender. And what I didn't realize is that very day that I surrendered, um, the last piece in my heart that God had been asking, Spencer also surrendered that morning, the very same day. And I'll let him share that. But um yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

So what was it, Spencer? Do you want to share that that you surrendered? Yeah. So if you remember, actually, I told you a couple of weeks ago that there was something that I had been doing and working on in my life that that the Lord had led me to, um, but that I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Through the process of going through what we went through, at the end of that, um, my mother passed away.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

And it's just hit you guys one thing after the next, man. You guys are just getting tested and tried.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

And I realize it now. At the time, I thought, you know, but I realize now it's just the stronger we get, the harder the attack gets. Yeah. But I turned instead of turning to God, the only thing that I could figure out to get through anything was to medicate myself. And I went to a doctor, not a psychologist, not I went to a family doctor and said, I can't deal with what I'm going through, fix it. And he said, Cool, here's a pill. No talk, no therapy, no prayer, no nothing. And for that's been years, five years of just medicating it away. And I had been struggling with it recently. But there was I actually can't pinpoint one thing that that triggered it. But it was that morning I was like, you know what? I realized that I've been watching these men, these women, these couples, even my wife, talk about their experience with God, the tangible aspect of their relationship with the Lord. I had never had that. Right. Or if I had, it was decades ago. Yeah. And I kind of was like, I took an inventory and I was like, you know, wait a minute, I don't really feel anything. It's not just God. I'm not, I'm not experiencing my wife, I'm not experiencing my children. I'm not experiencing anything but numb. Yeah. And so I was like, what do I do about this? And it just hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like God was like, well, maybe if you weren't medicating it away, you'd actually get what it is you've been begging me for. And so I did. I I unfortunately, these medications you can't just stop. So it it's been a process. Yeah. Um, but I'm at the end of that process now.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

Amen. Proud of you, man.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

And I can tell you she can tell you that I'm a different person.

SPEAKER_04 36:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

And I have experienced and felt more and been able to talk to her. That's the other thing. I had never understood people talk about, well, I, you know, my wife and I pray together. My wife and I talk about the Bible. We talk about, you know, whatever. I never understood that. Right. And it's still very foreign to me today, but I'm getting there. Because now I can feel it. Now I can it's not an emotion, it's an experience. Yeah, it's not that feeling is not from me.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

Yeah, you're experiencing what you're actually walking through. Right. You're no longer numb to what's happening around you.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Exactly. And so that was surrendering that opened up so many doors in my mind, in my heart, that the Lord has just walked right through and said, okay, cool, we're going to do this now, and we're going to do this. And it's been interesting. Yeah, whole new, a whole new ride, I'm sure.

Why Honesty Wins And Closing Prayer

SPEAKER_01 37:30

Oh, yeah. And it was a hold on, keep your arms inside until the ride comes to a complete stop. Because it's going to be. Yes. But it's been, but it's good. It's all good.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

The Lord pressed on your heart, Jennifer, to share the messy parts and the very vulnerable parts of your testimony. Because as you mentioned, he he says in his word, we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. That's how we overcome the enemy. That's how the enemy is defeated.

SPEAKER_04 37:56

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 37:56

And you truly have a desire to help others who may be placing their security in a person or relationship. Right. And really, one of your desires by sharing this testimony is to point people towards God. Yes. And the Lord also showed you that each time you surrendered to him, he blessed you. Would you just kind of share that? How how you see that in your life now?

SPEAKER_00 38:18

Um, when I surrendered the bitterness a few months later, my son and my husband uh recommitted to the Lord. Uh, this last time I surrendered at the very same day he surrendered a piece that the Lord had been and that I had been praying for for many years. Um, so it's like when I surrendered, um, our marriage was blessed uh by just walking in that obedience of what the Lord called me to do, even though it was extremely, extremely hard.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

Yeah. And as you were writing out your testimony, God showed you that he did not fix all the pain and the hurt and the deeply rooted insecurity at one time. He didn't. What exactly did God reveal to you in in all of that?

SPEAKER_00 38:57

He revealed to me that each step I needed to take, he was there. Each thing he was asking me to work through, whether it be forgiveness, renewing my mind, bitterness, um, simply trusting his word, simply trusting him in a new aspect where I had been hurt before, that he would be there, he would be faithful to show himself as faithful. And I met a God that is so gentle, that is so kind, that is so loving and so very, very patient with me and my husband. And he met us exactly where we were. He he didn't expect me to be further along. He didn't expect Spencer to be further along. He knew where we were and he knew how to get us to healing. He knew how to get us to wholeness and completion. He says in his word, he's faithful to finish the work that he started. And he started it so many years ago. We just had to be willing participants. And that's what he weeded out in our life first was all the things we used to numb ourselves, um, all the all of the other stuff that was piled on top of that insecurity. And he was faithful to heal both of us, and both of us are not the same people as when we met. We are changed, and it is by the blood.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

As a matter of fact, and I don't mean to to interject this here, but one of the things that I had to surrender, and I feel like we surrendered together was our marriage. Yeah. And because neither one of us can keep that together. Yeah. You know, we freely will tell you that if it wasn't for the Lord, we wouldn't be sitting here together today, married. That's right. Right. And we came to you just recently and renewed that, you know, because today our marriage means something different than what it did when we got when we initially got married. Right, right. You know, so and two completely different people. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely even for a different purpose, and surrendering that apart along with her surrendering, like she said, her bitterness, the anger towards me, which is justifiable, but you know, and me surrendering, hey, I don't need any of this stuff of the world anymore, you know, because I used to tell myself, hey, I'll be able to stop this once I meet the right girl.

SPEAKER_05 41:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

Well, I met the right girl and I almost lost her.

SPEAKER_05 41:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

Because I didn't stop, because it's not about her.

unknown 41:15

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

But when we were able to surrender that and actually go back to the altar together privately, and say, our marriage is off the table. No matter what happens, the enemy can can come against us. We're gonna have hard times, we're gonna fight, we're gonna be attacked. Yeah, but our marriage is off the table. Yeah, it's not an option. It's not an option. Yeah, that's right. You know, that for me at the time I was like, okay, I'm doing this for her. Because there was a part of me that was like, but I knew in my heart it was a surrender, and that was another weight that was lifted. Knowing that my marriage was secure, yeah, that was another weight. And and I tell you, that was this whole process with her has been incredible. It really has been. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:05

So it goes back to how in the in towards the beginning of this episode, you were saying how when when it came to the light, it was just that weight was lifted. But it had to come to the light in order for you to be where you're at now, and therefore, Jennifer, you could be where you're at now. That's right. So if there is anyone out there struggling right now with with honesty, we're just gonna encourage them to do it. Yeah, and it may there may be ugliness and consequences, but it's worth it. And for the rest of of life on this earth, they can breathe.

SPEAKER_01 42:38

I have been forgiven, both by my wife, but more importantly, by the Lord. Amen. And there's nothing anybody can throw at me and say, Well, you did this. Yeah, I sure did. Yeah. You know, I am free from consequence with the Lord. Right. And that's all that matters. The blood of Jesus has washed you and cleansed you. Everything else here, there's nothing anybody can do to hurt me because I've already dealt with the with I've already dealt with the Lord and I've already dealt with my wife.

SPEAKER_05 43:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:12

It doesn't matter, you know, and and I I've I was hesitant to talk about this.

SPEAKER_05 43:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Because it is such an ugly subject. Yeah. Um, but it's going to help so many people. But it's a subject that needs to be.

SPEAKER_02 43:24

Yeah. And even if someone out there listening is not currently going through something like this, the testimony can encourage them, it can strengthen them. They can share it with someone who is or maybe going through this type of struggle. And then now, look at it now. All these years of walking through surrender, Jennifer, you said that God has given you everything that you wanted from being that little girl, right? You've you've got a happy marriage with a deeper love for one another than you had when you first started. The family that you always wanted remains intact. The devil did not win. Divorce, divorce was not an answer or the answer. But now God is at the center of your family, the center of your home, the center of your marriage, because you've decided to put it all in God's hands. Yes. Amen. Let's pray. Father, I'm so thankful for this couple, Spencer and Jennifer Cottle. And I pray in the name and the blood of Jesus that you would use this testimony in mighty ways to bring you honor and glory. Thank you, Father, that this is a testimony where yet again the devil, Satan, did not win. And so, Father, we we thank you for that. We love you, we praise you, we honor you, we thank you for the covenant of marriage and and all that comes with it in Jesus' name and blood. I pray, Father, that your Holy Spirit would minister to the people that are struggling with honesty and obedience when it comes to talking to their spouse so that they can move on and walk in victory. May your Holy Spirit lead God and direct them. In the name and the blood of Jesus, we ask all of this. Amen. Amen and amen. Thank you guys for coming in. Really appreciate it. God bless.