Matt's Story: Life Beyond Masks

Matt’s story is one of radical honesty, resilience, and redemption. In this episode of Unseen Atlanta, Matt shares how decades of hiding behind masks—of perfection, performance, and people-pleasing—gave way to a life built on truth and recovery. 

Growing up in a small Georgia town where being himself didn’t feel like an option, Matt spent years masking his identity and numbing his pain through addiction. It wasn’t until he heard himself say the words, “I am an addict,” that his transformation began. 

Through vulnerability, community, and faith, Matt found not only sobriety but the freedom to live fully as himself. Today, he works on staff at Atlanta Mission, helping others walk the same path he once feared to begin. 

This episode is both deeply personal and profoundly hopeful. Matt is not just a guest—he’s his own subject matter expert on healing, identity, and what it means to finally feel seen. 

Transcript

Matt_Audio 
 

Matt: It, I hit me, I am an addict. You know, like I really am an addict. And, uh, and then once I got, once I was able to realize that I needed to be there, right then, it all changed for me. And then I, I wanted to embrace it a little bit more and. 

Rachel: Hey, welcome to Unseen Atlanta and Atlanta Mission Podcast, where we shine the light on some of the city's toughest issues. We do this by sharing true stories from real people who've experienced homelessness and addiction. We also talk to subject matter experts who give some context to some of these issues. 

Rachel: I'm Rachel Reynolds. I'm your host.  

Jonathan: And I'm Jonathan Miller, your co-host.  

Rachel: And today we have just. The best interview. He's my, one of my favorite people. He  

Jonathan: was amazing. Oh my  

Rachel: gosh. Um, you can't help but love Matt. Matt is a valued member of the Atlanta Mission community. He's on staff here, but he also went through recovery up at the Potter's House, and he's just the brightest life. 

Rachel: He's  

Jonathan: so much fun.  

Rachel: I know. I feel like we could have talked to him all day.  

Jonathan: Oh, for sure.  

Rachel: You're gonna wanna be besties with Matt. The really fun thing about the interview today is that in true Matt fashion, he's also his own subject matter expert. So you'll get a full episode of Matt, both his story and him talking about what it's like to live in recovery. 

Rachel: So take a listen. We wanna talk about your story a little bit. So take us back. Where are you from?  

Matt: I grew up in Dublin, Georgia. Uh, which is a small town in central Georgia, uh, in between Macon and Savannah is the best way to describe it. Mm-hmm. Okay. Very conservative. You know, grew up with, uh, the same people went to school with the same people from kindergarten all the way through high school  

Jonathan: graduation. 

Jonathan: Everybody knows everybody.  

Matt: Everybody knows everybody. Um, and so, yeah, but  

Rachel: siblings,  

Matt: an older brother.  

Rachel: Okay.  

Matt: Older brother who's four years older than me.  

Rachel: Were your mom and dad together?  

Matt: Yes. My parents, uh, have been married all of my life  

Rachel: really still, and,  

Matt: and are still married today. They're in their eighties. 

Matt: Um, now they. Ironically, we're both married before I came along.  

Rachel: Okay.  

Matt: Okay. They were both divorced and then came together and then they had you and had Me and my older brother. Okay. Uh, who was four years older than  

Rachel: me. Were there kids from the other marriages?  

Matt: There were.  

Rachel: Okay. So you have, you have step siblings? 

Matt: Yes.  

Rachel: Okay.  

Matt: Yes.  

Rachel: Um, so tell us a little bit about. Growing up, what was it like small town?  

Matt: For me, it was, um, I mean, it was a safe place to grow up and I have good memories of childhood. Um, I wasn't one who, you know, uh, had lots of like crazy things or trauma happening, uh, to me as a child. Um, I think that probably what I was dealing with was, uh, identity. 

Matt: You know, and, and who I was. And of course as a child you don't necessarily, uh, start asking yourself about your, you know, identity, uh, whether it's sexual or gender or whatever, when you're, you know, uh, preteen. Uh, but there's definitely something about you that makes you think, Hmm, I think I'm different. 

Matt: Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. Of course, now that I look back on it. I know that as soon as I open my mouth, people are going to probably pinpoint me, uh, or make a judgment about who I am. Uh, and so I really, as a child, uh, had the same issue. And because I was very self-conscious about it, then I tried very hard to hide all of that. 

Matt: And so, uh, at a very young age, I feel like I started putting on masks and wearing different masks to see which one. May fit and they would change according to who I was supposed to be or, or who I was with. Mm-hmm. If I'm with this group, then I have this mask. Gotcha. And if I'm at church, I have this mask. 

Matt: And if I'm at a party, I have this mask. Mm-hmm. And if I'm at my parents, then I have this mask.  

Jonathan: Were you ever in a environment where you could just be you? Or was that not an option? Not really. Not  

Matt: really. And I, and I'll be honest, like there was probably uh, a time where I didn't want to be me.  

Hmm.  

Matt: Uh, and really didn't like being me. 

Matt: Um, and I really didn't even know who me was because I'd spent so much time trying to be someone else. And I think a lot of that just had to do with not having an understanding of who I was and not having a space to talk about who I was. 'cause when I came along, you know, we didn't even have. School counselors at my school, and if you did, they were just there to like, help you apply for college or something. 

Matt: It wasn't like a, uh, uh, you,  

Rachel: you weren't talking about your feelings  

Matt: Exactly. Or, or no one ever said, Hey Matt, how do you feel? Or Yeah, what are you experiencing or what are you going through? I wanted to, uh, put on that smile and, and be good and be, you know, of service to others. But I think I spent so much time trying to, uh, serve others that I didn't spend any time. 

Matt: Learning who I was or, or serving myself in any way. And so, um, because of that, I really felt like I started to go down the path of using substances, right? Mm-hmm. Um,  

Rachel: yeah. How'd it start?  

Matt: I think it started, uh, when I was a teenager and I had, uh. Some friends in the neighborhood, you know, I did have a few, a handful of friends. 

Matt: Uh, and so there was an opportunity to drink and so we did. And you know, and I think that the reason that I thought, uh, that it was fun was because for the first time, like. Uh, I learned that when someone is under the influence of a substance, whether it's alcohol or another drug, uh, I saw some boundaries come down. 

Matt: Mm-hmm. You know, the scenario, people get drunk, oh my God, I love you. Oh, you're so amazing, blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. Well, I liked hearing that because I hadn't heard that.  

Rachel: It felt, it made you feel accepted. It made me  

Matt: feel absolutely. And so the only way to continue that was let's continue the party. Right? 

Matt: And so I just wanted to party, party, party. And uh, and it hurt me in a lot of ways. I mean, I, I didn't feel like at the time that there was anything wrong with it because, you know, you just feel like every, well, everyone else is doing it. You know, but everyone else really wasn't doing it, not 24 7. Mm-hmm. 

Matt: Like I was, uh, and so then, you know, as I got into my later twenties and hadn't really accomplished a whole lot, I started realizing that, you know, uh, that. Something was wrong. And, and, and why couldn't I complete anything that I started? And you know, and, and so when as you approach 30, you know, you kind of go into that crisis mode and so you think you're gonna make all these changes in your life. 

Matt: And so you quit your job and you get another job and you move to a different city and you do this and you do that, but you know where you go. There you are. Mm-hmm. And so, and so I, uh.  

Rachel: Knock, knock, knock. I am, yes. Hello.  

Matt: Here I am. Yeah. And I continued the same patterns. Right. Just in a different way. So  

Rachel: had you, were you, had you moved at this time? 

Matt: I did move, uh, to Milledgeville. Okay. Um, and. Okay. And I had lived in Atlanta for a brief time. Okay. But then, uh, I moved a lot because I was always not, not necessarily like a, a long way away from home, but just, you know, I'd do something for a couple of years. Yeah. Get tired of it. Okay. Go to something else, get tired of it. 

Matt: Move to Atlanta. Work there. Okay. I am tired of it, so I'd leave and all this time, you know, I wouldn't. Say that I was in full blown addiction. Yeah. Um, but I was definitely, social scenes were always a huge part of my life and I feel like everything else revolved around it. I, because it grew out of that need of to want to be loved, right? 

Matt: Yeah. To want to be accepted. And I, and I wanted that so, so very badly. I, I've got a job, ironically in church music. I'm a musician. Music was probably the only way that I ever, um, found. A place and a space where I could be me.  

Hmm.  

Matt: So when you asked me the question earlier, was there ever a place where you could be me? 

Matt: Yes. When I was sitting at the keyboard and no one was around, and I could just enjoy that because I'm one of those people that just sit down and just play, you know, when no one's there.  

Jonathan: That resonates so much with me. Does it? I love it. Yeah.  

Matt: Yeah, yeah. It was, it was that space. It's so when you grow up in a small town. 

Matt: Really the only place that you have, that you can show that talent is at church?  

Rachel: Mm-hmm. Yeah.  

Matt: Right. Because we didn't really have a great arts program in my, in my public school. Everything revolved around football. So anyway, I, uh, did major in music and, uh. You would've thought that when I'd gone to college, that I would've found this group of people to, to, uh, embrace, uh, me and me to embrace them. 

Matt: But I think a lot of the reason that that didn't happen was because. I still didn't like myself, and so I really didn't want the people that probably would've embraced me. I didn't want them to embrace me.  

Mm-hmm.  

Matt: You know, and, and again, still felt like I had to do whatever I needed to do to. Not be me, you know? 

Matt: Yeah. To mask it. Um, absolutely. Let's mask it. And partying was a great way to do that. So, uh, I went on to have a career in church music and, and would do well, but then I would, uh, make stupid decisions when I was high or drunk. Uh, and then that would cost me my job. Um, and what  

Rachel: a dual life you were leading. 

Matt: It was absolutely a double life. Absolutely a double life. But you have to understand that there was a time in my life. When I was younger that like I had already decided, I will go to my grave with my sexual identity. Mm-hmm. I will go to my grave with this and I, I, I,  

Rachel: so, and you decided that because you never thought anyone would accept it. 

Rachel: It just,  

Matt: right. I just, it just never, like, for me it would've just been eternal ruin and, and, and, and. And so when you ask me what kind of environment I grew up in, that would've been that environment, you know? Mm-hmm. Just where you just felt like you couldn't share those things because it would damage you beyond repair. 

Matt: And I already felt like I was damaged enough. Right. And it's, but I can control it by keeping it a secret, even though it really wasn't a secret is the ironic thing about all of it. So it was a lot of wasted effort. Mm. Okay. A lot of wasted effort. Like I look back and I reflect on my life and I think, you know, where there could have been different turns, right? 

Matt: That could have made a difference, but I can't rewind that and go back and change any of it. So I can only just, I. Go forward mm-hmm. From wherever I'm at. So there was a point in my life where I was in full blown addiction.  

Yeah. Um,  

Matt: I had moved from just drinking and partying on the weekends and then throwing some cocaine at the parties on the weekends to a friend of mine introduced me to methamphetamine, and there was a time in my life, just like I would never utter the words homosexual. 

Matt: I would never utter the word methamphetamine because that would mean that I was. A meth addict. Mm. Just like, if I had said homosexual, then I would've been  

Rachel: gay. Yeah.  

Matt: So I couldn't say those things. Right.  

Rachel: Once you say it, it, it was too hard to face. Right, right. So,  

Matt: so didn't want to say it. So it was always abbreviated with a different name, a different word, uh, a nickname. 

Matt: And so obviously when you're dealing with illegal substances and you know, it change, it literally changes you into a, a. Completely different person, like a person that you wouldn't recognize. Mm-hmm. If I were on drugs sitting in front of you right now, you wouldn't recognize me. I mean, I might look the same to you, but I, my actions would be mm-hmm. 

Matt: The complete opposite of what they are right now. And so it transform you, it lies to you. It tells you that you're better. It tells you that you're accepted. It tells you that you're loved. Uh, and, and the reality is, is that. None of that is happening. Mm. You are failing at everything you're doing. You're losing your job. 

Matt: You have no sense of responsibility. You're isolating yourself from the people that really do love and care about you and, uh, so you're, it's, you're in self-destruct mode at that point. Mm-hmm. And so luckily,  

Rachel: yeah. How do, how do you find out about Potter's House?  

Matt: Yeah. I got arrested like a lot of drug addicts. 

Matt: Do you know you're the fir  

Rachel: Hey,  

Matt: that's not a  

Rachel: sentence we hear a lot. Luckily I got arrested. That's.  

Matt: You heard it here first. I got, I know it's a shocker. I know it's a shocker, but I, yeah, I was arrested and got a possession charge. And then what  

Rachel: year was this?  

Matt: 2000 and, so this would've been like January of 2016? 

Matt: Mm-hmm. Okay. At the time I had decided that it was, uh, I had the, okay. Brilliant idea that I would just live like a gypsy.  

Okay. And I, that sounds like a great idea. And  

Matt: so I, I bought this like clothing bar to go and across the back of my backseat and all my clothes were there. Yep. Okay. And, and so I just rode around Yeah. 

Matt: From town to town. Yeah. And, um, and just, you know, found a hotel here or a hookup there. Or maybe sometimes I'd just fall asleep in a parking space at a gas station. Yeah. You know, you just. You never knew what life was going to bring you. And I really thought in my mind that that's what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. 

Matt: And that there was nothing wrong with it.  

Jonathan: Hmm.  
 

Matt: Like in my head I was convinced of that.  

Jonathan: Yeah.  

Matt: And I'm just sharing that, not because I'm proud of it or that I'm just, I'm trying to share a crazy story. I want you to know that that is the level of lies, mm-hmm. That you are convincing yourself of when you're under the influence. 

Matt: Of methamphetamine. Um, I was never a big, uh, now there's some addicts who use gobs of different drugs. I was never one of those people, have never taken pills, never smoked a lot of pot. I didn't like it. I always liked things that do what?  

Rachel: Woo.  

Matt: Speed you up. Yeah. Right. And so, uh, that would be the epitome of that. 

Rachel: January, you find yourself in jail. I  

Matt: found myself in jail. Had to call the church where I was working and say, I'm so sorry. I won't be there. I'm in jail.  

Rachel: Oh, you told them? Yeah. Amen. Hey, you're not a guy.  

Matt: Have a great Easter. Bye-bye.  

Rachel: Hallelujah. Yes. See resident, you need to  

Matt: find a pianist for Easter. I'll be playing tunes in the kitchen here at the Jailhouse Tombs County. 

Matt: County detention center. Okay. It was crazy. It's crazy. When I was arrested, I had a a, an A detective and he said, you know, you just don't go through life and never have any, you know, criminal activity and then all of a sudden in your forties you're being arrested, so you need to get help. Mm-hmm. Like, he was very firm with me and said, you need to get help. 

Matt: And of course. When he told me that, in my mind, I was like, you need to get help. Of course. You know? Yeah, yeah. Like, who are you? You're the problem. You're the problem, not me. Yeah. Let me go and let me live my life. Let me go to another hotel. So anyway, um, I, I, but I'll always look back at that. Uh, experience because that was probably the first time in a decade that I had not had drugs for an extended amount of time. 

Matt: Yeah. Mm-hmm. I mean, I might have a few days that I would go without drugs. It would only be because I couldn't get in touch with my dealer or whatever. Yeah. It wasn't like by choice. Right. And so, yeah, it like lifted the veil and then as y'all could imagine, when that veil is lifted, you know, and you're just like. 

Matt: Where, where in the world am I? Mm-hmm. And what happened to me and what year is it And mm-hmm. I, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like, where's all this time gone? I mean, it really was those, it was that kind of moment. And so of course I immediately felt. Shame and embarrassment and all of the things that I was probably used to dealing with already, you know? 

Matt: And so, uh, I. Of course was in touch with my parents. We were writing letters and they heard about the Potter's house. Okay. So my mom brought me an application and I, uh, filled it out and uh, mailed it in. And, um,  

Jonathan: did you, were you sort of like, ah, I gotta do this for my mom? You didn't really wanna do it or what were you feeling? 

Matt: I wanted to do it, but uh, definitely on my terms, you know. Okay. I wanted the shortest program that I could get. Of course.  

Yeah.  

Matt: I mean, I think. You know, there was that part of me that was like, yeah, I need to make some changes. But, you know, I was still in that mode of I really am not doing anything wrong. 

Matt: Um, I, I had sort of moved. When you isolate enough, you just begin to think that none of your behaviors have an effect on other people when they do.  

Yeah.  

Matt: Right. But, but that's why. That's what makes it easy to isolate, right? Because you were, you absolve yourself from responsibility of what your actions are doing to others, right? 

Matt: So I never would think about that. I did go in front of a judge. He did approve for me to go to the potter's house. It was not my first choice. Because it was the longest of the programs. Yeah, of course. But at this point in the game, I'm 42 years old. Yeah. I'm unemployed. Yep. My parents should not have to be responsible for paying for rehabs for me. 

Matt: Uh, and it's, it's up to me. So they, what they did was they promised to get me to the Potter's house, which they did. And when I got out of the car. They said, if you get kicked out, don't call us. And so I knew that. How did that feel  

Jonathan: hearing  

Matt: those words?  

Yeah.  

Matt: Uh, that was a, that was an eyeopener because I knew that they meant what they said. 

Matt: Because when I'd gotten locked up, you know, my first response was, well, let me call my parents and get them to call a lawyer and I'll be outta here. And my parents were like, no, we're not gonna do that. You're just gonna sit there until your court date. And so I sat and. Jail for three or four months. And all of that was an eyeopening experience for me. 

Matt: But I'll tell you what, it did teach me. It's not all, it's not all sad. Um, when I was in, when I was there, of course I was asked to work in the kitchen and so I did go work in the kitchen and I became real good friends with the two ladies that were the cooks. It taught me a lot. There, uh, it taught me a lot about that culture. 

Matt: Um, and I was there through an Easter, as I told you, and so I like got to cook this big meal for everyone for Easter. Uh, and it just, what it really taught me was that no matter what circumstances you're, that you're in. Mm-hmm. Right. You can always find a way to make it better.  

Yeah.  

Matt: And so I sort of. 

Matt: Promised myself that if I were to get out in a go to rehab, that I would do whatever I could to make it better. Mm. When I arrived at the Potter's House, you know, for those of you who've never been, uh, you, I was in the car and, and we drove over this railroad track and there are these two like little rundown houses on the right, and when I got there, there was like a raggedy confederate flag, you know, waving. 

Matt: You were like, oh, great. I didn't say anything, but in my mind. In my mind, I was like, oh my God, oh my God, they're taking me, it's gonna be like deliverance here. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I was just, I was envisioning the worst ever. You know what I'm saying?  

Yes.  

Matt: And then I kept looking for Glenda. She never came. 

Matt: But then after you drive, uh, a a little ways, you'll go around a curve. And when you go around that curve, there are three crosses in a field. And I remember seeing those three crosses and then going around the curve and it just opened up into this like, beautiful farm. And, and it was like the biggest eye of relief. 

Matt: Like, thank you Lord. Thank you. Mm. Mm-hmm. Thank you. And so I, uh. I did, I went and of course I was scared I'd never been to a, a rehab before and got dropped off and I got, I got in and, you know, for anyone that's been locked up, when you've sat around watching bad TV and uh, and eating, uh, bologna sandwiches every day, um, anything's an improvement. 

Rachel: Yeah.  

Matt: Anything's an improvement. Just the things that, like, I, I remember sitting when I was locked up, making a list of things that I couldn't do anymore. Mm-hmm. And there's simple things like, uh, turn off a light on and off. You can't do that. Uh, you can't find a quiet space. You can't, there are no chairs like this that you can lean back in and relax. 

Matt: You know, it's just metal beds and metal stools or, you know, and they're, all of your rights are taken away from you essentially. And so, yeah. That's a really lonely feeling. So I saw, yeah. What was  

Rachel: it? Yeah, what was it like when you get there?  

Matt: So like the Ritz Carlton?  

Rachel: Oh  
 

Matt: yeah. Compared to where I had been. 

Matt: Okay. Yes. Yeah. I mean because, uh, you know, we're giving, that's something else  

Rachel: you heard first here we're giving a  

Matt: vet.  

Rachel: That's right. It's so Ritz Carlton's a  

Matt: Ritz Carlton. In comparison it was, um, because. Like driving down, uh, again, it was beautiful. And then you pull up and the first thing you see is a little chapel, you know, in the building. 

Matt: Yeah. And you go in and you're given a bed. I was just so glad to have a bed with a light that turned on and off. Right. And it's those little things.  

Rachel: It's those  

Matt: little things. And I was like. Uh, excited to go through a food line where I had like a big plate of food and it changed all the time. It wasn't just balogna sandwiches and potato chips, you know? 

Yeah.  

Matt: Uh, and we were given, uh, three meals a day and, uh, and I can tell you the most amazing part about all of this, and I come from a background of, you know, uh, my, my family's pretty middle class, you know, just middle of the road. We, we had what we needed, not always what we wanted, but um. I, I just couldn't believe that any of that was being offered at no charge to me. 

Hmm.  

Matt: Like, I thought I, when I was there, I was like, I'm gonna have a big bill when I leave here. Hmm. You know, and I didn't, I. I didn't because there's no fee. All you had to have was just a desire to change your life. Right. And so I was no stranger to God. I worked for the church. Mm-hmm. Um, but I just was never honest with him. 

Matt: And so. When I got to the Potter's House and I had challenges like every client has, I, I think the first challenge was I had to admit to myself that I was an addict.  

Mm.  

Matt: That was very difficult for me to do. 'cause you know, like I said, you don't say the word meth. Yeah. You don't say the word that, you know, I'd already sort of in my mind, like I'm not, I'm not. 

Matt: An addict, I'm special. I just, I hit a roadblock and, and I just gotta get over it. You know? I gotta learn how to maneuver around the obstacle, but I'm going to be okay. But then when I sat in class and in group, um. Sharing sessions. I would listen to other guys talk about the same circumstances that they have been in the same behaviors. 

Matt: Uh, just crazy stuff like being up all night and going to Walmart at 3:00 AM like that sounds crazy to everybody else, but to someone who's. Been up, uh, for several days on drugs for whatever reason. Going to Walmart at three or 4:00 AM is fascinating. Yeah. And many of us do it like it's, it's crazy. Um, the habits that we all had. 

Matt: And so as I would listen to the level of criminal behavior and lack of responsibility mm-hmm. Lack of, uh, just caring. For any, anyone else or, yeah, or, uh, I, I, it, it hit me I am an addict.  

Mm. You know, like  

Matt: I really am an addict. And, uh, and then once I got, once I was able to realize that I needed to be there, right then, it all changed for me. 

Matt: And then I, I wanted to embrace it a little bit more. And so  

Rachel: did you start to confront. Who you were.  

Matt: Yes. And, and I'll tell you why that was easier to do. Okay. Because, okay. I was not at home in my hometown. Right. Okay.  

Yeah.  

Matt: And I really didn't know anyone there. Right. And so you, I was in an environment where it's now or never. 

Matt: You know, so either I can like say who I am and just, and, and like I told y'all, like I know most people would know anyway, just from my mannerisms and the way I speak. That's probably why I spent so much time trying to divert the attention from that. Yeah. Yeah. If that makes any sense. Mm-hmm. And so, uh, partying was a good way to do it, but you know, me coming out. 

Matt: I think was really more to me than it was. To others. I think everyone else really already knew. And it was just, I didn't want to. And  

Rachel: did that happen when you were at Potter's House? I think  

Matt: so.  

Rachel: Okay.  

Matt: Yeah, I do. Um, because it was, did it  

Rachel: feel good to yourself?  

Matt: It did, yeah. Because, you know, I had people that were younger than me. 

Matt: Right. That are, 'cause there are a lot of different aged groups there. Right. And so, um, people that. There's a lot of beauty in being around people that are in different, like from different generations. Yeah. Because you know, like the guys who are at the Potter's House say, like right now, for example, you know, they're in their, uh, twenties and they have a whole different concept than the say the people that like are me in their, I'm now in my fifties. 

Matt: Yeah. And it was a much different time then, right? Yeah, no, it was, I mean, there's so much, I mean, you just, the older you get and the more you look back, you just see how much has changed. But it's also very exciting. Yeah. Because there's a lot of good change that's happened over the last few decades, and so. 

Matt: I just became hopeful, you know? And, and what I sort of experienced there was I could be me.  

Rachel: Yeah.  

Matt: I could have friends.  

Rachel: Did you feel accepted?  

Matt: I did. I mean, you'll always have those people Yeah. That have a problem with you. But that has nothing to do with sexuality. That, I mean, that's just life. That's, that's life. 

Matt: I mean, you're never gonna get along with Yeah.  

And,  

Matt: and that's a lesson I had to learn too. Like, Matt, there are gonna be people in this world that don't like you. Yeah. And there are people in this world that you're not gonna like, and it's gonna be okay. Everybody doesn't have to be, um, everybody doesn't have to accept, everybody doesn't have to love, everybody doesn't have to think like you do. 

Matt: Um, in fact, I'd say that my mind shifted more to embracing all kinds of diversity, right? Yeah. Because. I had never been around people who maybe had grown up in an environment, uh, where their parents were addicts or, you know, and they sort of had to fend for themselves. I mean, I'd never been around that before. 

Matt: Or people that had come right off of the streets, you know, that were living in tents and, and, and brought in their sleeping bags. I mean, so when I say diversity, I mean we're not talking about, uh, I mean, we're talking about. Diversity on every level. Yeah. Whether it's color, whether it's socioeconomic level, no, it's educational levels, uh, behavioral levels. 

Matt: Um, but I don't know. I kind, I loved all of that, right? Mm-hmm. So there was, so I could grow from that. Yeah. 'cause it made me realize that a, there's no such thing as normal. Normal normal's a myth. Right.  

Rachel: Normal's boring.  

Matt: Normal's. Absolutely boring. And, and, and also made me realize, to your point. Normal's the last thing that I wanna be. 

Mm-hmm. Hmm.  

Matt: I don't even want to strive for normal. Mm-hmm. I just wanna strive for authentic.  

Mm.  

Matt: And I wanna strive for honest.  

Mm-hmm.  

Matt: Uh, with others obviously, but also with myself. Mm-hmm. You know, and be able to recognize, um, that when I am. Uh, struggling with something or upset about something or I'm hurting over something that my, my, that I need to process that with someone. 

Matt: Uh, a professional, A lot of times it's with your friends, but it's important not to bottle up because I bottled up so much and, uh, and I really believe that my drug use grew out of trying to just let it all outta the bottle. Yeah. And it was the only way I could figure out how to do it. Mm-hmm.  

Rachel: Yeah. It was, yeah. 

Rachel: Okay. So you're at the Potter's House. Mm-hmm. And tell us a little bit, you went through the program and then went through the program, you stayed  

Matt: and then I was, I did. The leadership, they have like a junior leadership program there where you can have extra time. And truly the reason that I did it was because I wanted more time. 

Matt: I, I, I. Never been in a relationship, right? I don't have children. Um, I did not have a job or a career or a life that I needed to get back to. And so I thought, why not spend as much time here as I can, uh, to get me prepared for when I know inevitably that I will leave. And so I, I stayed on, uh, completed that, that. 

Matt: At that time, that was an, an additional year in your program? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh, and then after that I lived at Newhart, which is our transitional living. Yep. And worked, uh, with Ricky Hall there, who's become a colleague and a great friend of mine.  

Yeah.  

Matt: Um, Ricky was imported to me because Ricky was the, when you grow up, uh, in a small town, uh, and you know, you. 

Matt: And, and you're gay and you're trying to find someone that you can, like a male role model, right? Yeah. It's very difficult. Okay. Mm-hmm. Ricky was special to me because when I was in my program, he was one of those. Those staff people that sat me down and just got to know me.  

Mm-hmm.  

Matt: And, and, and, and like even now, like if I do even little things, like if I'm gonna buy a car or change jobs or whatever, I talk to Ricky. 

Matt: Yeah. And he'll, he'll go through all of the things that like a father would go through with mm-hmm. With you. And, and, and he, he helps me to see things from different perspectives. So I just wanted to share that because, um, that's a, that's a connection that I didn't have with a whole lot of men. And I've always been very appreciative of him for allowing me that opportunity. 

Matt: Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's, you know, to have that, that is special. Yeah. It's very special for me. Ricky's amazing. He is. I love him. Uh, and so, uh, anyway, uh, he, I was working with him at New Start and I stayed there a couple years and then I knew, Matt, you gotta get back to your life. You gotta, you, you gotta start over. 

Matt: And there's a lot of fear Yeah. In men starting over. Right. Yeah, because I've, I literally was off the grid for two years. Yeah. Haven't communicated with anyone but my mother and, uh, you know, some, some people that knew that I was there, that were writing to me. Um, and so, uh, I decided that I would get a job, um. 

Matt: And all I really knew was music. And so I went on, uh, a website and there was a little Methodist church about 45 minutes away that needed a pianist. And so I thought, well, I could do this, right? Yeah. Because it's just playing. That's all I have to do. Mm-hmm. So I called the pastor. Her name was Leah. And I said, um, I see where you, you know, you got this ad. 

Matt: I know how churches work. They're gonna run through committees. I'm just fresh out of rehab and I really don't go, I don't want to go in front of a firing squad. Oh, a hundred percent for this job. So I'm glad to talk to you about it. You can tell me what you think, and then if you don't think that it's going to work or if you think your people are gonna have a problem with it, then we don't have to move forward with it. 

Matt: So I went to the church, played. Um, she said, can you wait here for five minutes? And then they walked out, met and less than five. She was like, you're hired. Wow. How did that make you feel? So I had a new job, and so I was like, it made me feel really good because when I was, uh, locked up, uh, I, I don't know, I just, I never thought that I would be employed by church again. 

Matt: I thought that I had sacrificed all of that, you know? And so, uh, that was a kind of a spark, right? Because it was like, okay. And maybe I can make this work. Yeah. And so this was a very small church. Um, probably averages 35 people, 30, 35 on a Sunday. But they were the most loving people to me. Mm. Uh, and, uh, I could go in and, you know, I. 

Matt: Play, um, pretty much whatever, you know, my heart felt like playing and they were always, uh, supportive and encouraging and just loved me. And, uh, and I needed that again from a group of people that I didn't know, right?  

Yeah. Yeah. Um,  

Matt: and so after that, um, I was in program with a guy whose mother owned a flower shop. 

Matt: In Athens, and she called him one day and she said, Hey, I've just had someone quit. Do you know anyone that might be willing to help me? He's  

like, I'm just, and he said, the person, he said, mama,  

Matt: I know exactly who you need. And so I went and again, I started real small. I was just delivering, which is all I wanted to do. 

Matt: Yeah. I didn't want any face time with anybody. I didn't, you know, I was still sort of trying to, uh, figure things out. So I was hired so. Now I'm, uh, after a few months I'm learning how to design flowers. I'm, uh, I don't know, just, I'm gonna throw this in. As an aside. The Flower Land has a Marques sign out front. 

Matt: Yeah. And it's one of the few Marques signs that is really high, and it's at the corner of Prince and Millage Avenue. Yep. So in Athens, that's a huge intersection. Mm-hmm. And I used to look at the sign before I ever worked there and think, gosh. They never put anything good on that side. And so February, I was like, let's put Valentine's Day. 

Matt: Gives me a heart on, okay. And they put it up and it was a hit, oh and a smash. And I, and I actually have had, uh, like a few little articles written about that. And  

what,  

Matt: and so all of this. Sudden, uh, things started, uh, brightening up. And so I, I moved out of the Potter's House in January of 2020. Uh, the, the people that I worked for at Flower Land, she, Jan is the lady's name, she and her sister Deborah owned Flower Land together, they became like parents. 

Matt: Oh. Um, uh, was able to find a place to live and start over. Right. That's amazing. And so, yeah, it was great.  

Rachel: If you made it this far into the episode, you're likely feeling the weight of these stories. Unseen Atlanta was created to reveal the raw and unfiltered realities faced by individuals in our city struggles with addiction, homelessness, and mental health. 

Rachel: It's heavy, but don't stop. Now we're about to turn the page to something. Life changing. Hope is coming. When someone steps through our doors, they step into an opportunity to start fresh. The transformation you're about to hear wouldn't be possible without our incredible partners like the Justin Landis group. 

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Rachel: Now let's dive back into the episode. We don't actually have a subject matter expert for this episode, or  

Jonathan: we do.  

Rachel: We do, but he's sitting right here, but he's sitting right here. Oh my gosh. It's me. Surprise isn't me that, Hey, put that on a marque sign. 

Matt: Oh, I love it. I So I'm gonna be my own. You're gonna be your own. Yeah. I'm my own set. Okay.  

Rachel: So yes, we, um, wanted to share with you guys. This is. Such a full circle moment. Um, we're gonna share with you a little bit, we kind of ended the story with Matt being at Flower Land and we are going to transition and talk a little bit about what Matt is doing now and how he's giving back, um, to Atlanta mission, as well as what it's like living in long-term recovery. 

Matt: Gotcha. Gotcha.  

Rachel: Welcome back that. Oh, it's so  

Matt: good to be back with you. Long time. No, see, long time no see. Should we like change clothes real quick? I know. Just so it looks like it's a different day. Just switch off. I would've brought it, I have 'em in the hanging in the back of my car. Or do you want me to go get some? 

Matt: Just kidding. Just kidding. Still. Just kidding. Just kidding. Um, okay,  

Rachel: so 2020, you are. In Flower Land, your name is in lights on the marquee side.  

Matt: That's right. Newspaper articles are coming out left and right. The  

Rachel: Kardashian Broadway calling. That's  

Matt: right. That's right.  

Rachel: Um, so what brought you back? Matt now works at Atlanta Mission. 

Rachel: Tell us a little bit about what brought you back. To the mission?  

Matt: Well, I really, uh, feel, I feel like I never left the mission, um, because even when I had moved out, I, Ricky, uh, continued to have his weekly, uh, meetings, uh, at New NewStar, the transitional living. Uh, facility. And so I was just so used to being in that routine of helping him that I was like, Ricky, if you want, I can still come back on Tuesdays and help you, you know, with your meeting. 

Matt: And so I would come back every week. So I saw him and then Covid came along, right? Yeah. Shortly after I moved out. So there was several months where we were all in solitude, and that was a big growth moment for me too, because what that made me realize was that Matt, it's okay if you don't have. A social invitation to do something every single day. 

Matt: Okay. You know, because that's sort of how I used to define myself. Yeah. Was how much I am wanted, you know, like how much do people really want me around? And if it wasn't 24 7, then I was not happy about it. Um, so how do you. Define yourself now. Oh my gosh. Like, I mean, I look forward to going home and binging on a new show. 

Matt: E order a pizza. I mean, just like spend some time with You're comfortable out with yourself. Yeah, exactly. You don't have to be out and about. I don't have to be at a bar. I don't have to be at a party. I don't have to be at some fab. Fabulous restaurant 24 7. I mean, yes, all those things are fun and I still enjoy them, but they're um. 

Matt: Yeah. Not as constant as they were. And so, uh, so Covid is, so, COVID taught me all that. Right? Yeah. It taught me that it's okay to be with me. 'cause that was, that was the only person I was with. It was like  

Rachel: another step in your recovery journey of like Yeah. Learning about that and then actually having to practice it. 

Matt: Absolutely. And we also live in a time, uh, where, you know, communication is so easy. I mean, it's the easiest. I mean, we have FaceTime and, uh, and you know, we, we can call and we, we, we have so many forms of communicating with one another that it really doesn't take as much effort, right. To do that. Mm-hmm. 

Matt: Mm-hmm. And so, you know, life continued as it did for you all. And then, uh. I continue to work at Flower Land and um. And then Adrian Bumpers, uh, who was also very influential for me during my time as a client. Uh, Adrian also was a staff member, and she was just one of those people that I would frequently drop by her office and have conversations with that I knew I could be myself with. 

Matt: I knew I would never face any judgment, and I, all she ever offered me was love. So flash forward to 20. 22, Adrian is now the director right. Uh, of the Potter's House. And so she called and said, Hey, we have this position. Uh, and I think that you'd be great. Um, and if you have any interest in applying, you know, please do so. 

Matt: Well, I mean, having been a client at Atlanta Mission and had I. And having been lived, having have lived there, uh, for several years, I knew that it was a fantastic organization. And so of course I was anxious to apply and become a part of the team. How did you feel  

Jonathan: when Adrian called you and said, Hey, we want you back? 

Matt: I was super excited. I mean, I, I, uh. I, I wanna say that I was shocked, but I mean, I really wasn't. I mean, I, she and I always had a great relationship. Um, I was just, I was excited. I mean, I was, I was excited to go, uh, to be able to. To go back and, uh, continue to sort of help others in their Yeah. Uh, find their way mm-hmm. 

Matt: And find their road. So what do you do for Yeah. What you doing  

Rachel: now?  

Matt: Well, I, when, when I took the job, I was, uh, A CLA Okay. Which is a community living assistant. So I worked, uh, in community living as, uh, and the bulk of my responsibility was, uh, medical needs. So the Potter's house. Uh, it's not a medical facility, so we don't have hired staff on hand, nurses or doctors. 

Matt: Um, but we do have a wonderful community in Athens that offers so much, uh, to, uh, you know, people that need healthcare that can't afford it or don't have insurance or the money. Uh, we have some, uh. Partnerships with those organizations. They come out and help our clients with their medical needs. And it's anything from eyeglasses to, uh, we've done, uh, you know. 

Matt: Uh, screens, uh, yeah. New teeth. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We, we, we do, we do have some, we do have some dental options. Yes, we do. Um,  

Rachel: but now you're not doing that anymore?  

Matt: Not doing that anymore. Uh, the, uh, the, the campus administrator role opened up and, you know, I like to be the one and only, right? And so there's only one and only jazz he campus administrator. 

Matt: And so, uh, I applied for that position. That was an easy she win. And, and, uh. And so now I, I report directly to Adrians. Okay. Who, uh,  

Rachel: so what is it like, what is it like living in long-term recovery while working in recovery?  

Matt: The advice that I give to people who are, uh, struggling right now with addiction or they're very early in their recovery is, um. 

Matt: The first thing that you have to do is learn to love yourself. I know that that sounds so cliche. Mm-hmm. And I don't mean just love yourself, like, oh, I love me. I mean like really. Love who you are. Love the creation, uh, that God created you to be, you know, and, and love the, and, and even the flaws that you have. 

Matt: Like learn to love those because that's what makes you, you.  

Jonathan: It's so interesting 'cause we've interviewed a number of. Clients and have heard a lot of people's stories, and that's a big part. Yeah.  

Matt: They all all talk about it. A big part because I, I've always said here, here are my thoughts on addiction. Uh, as I shared earlier, and I, I'll recap it, I think that people that are at an addiction are always struggling from some pain. 

Matt: Mm-hmm. Some trauma from something that happened in their lives and the. The, the, because no one wakes up and says, you know what, mom? I think I wanna be an addict. Yeah. I think it would be great for me to be mm-hmm. No one ever sets out to become an addict. Our road just leads us there. And a lot of time it's just the damage that we feel from what, you know, for me it was, you know, not loving myself or, or feeling that I was unloved. 

Matt: And, uh, and so I, and I sought it, you know, in, in different ways and I couldn't find it. So, you know, rather than deal with the pain of that, I would just numb it. Yeah, right with with, and then I would use partying and socializing as my cover. But at the root of all that, I just wanted to be loved.  

Rachel: You just wanted to be loved. 

Matt: Just wanted to be loved. And I think most addicts are really. They're probably right there with me. Yeah. You know, in a very, well, I think close  

Rachel: people,  

Matt: right? Yeah. I mean in a very different way. Right. We all deal with that with that. Yeah. In different ways. Right. One of the things, so one of my favorite movies is The Color Purple. 

Matt: Mm-hmm. M sure. Y'all have seen that? Mm-hmm. And, and, and the whole idea bet behind the color purple is she says, how can you walk by a field full of purple and. And not give it attention. Right. Not give it love, not give it the respect that it deserves. Mm-hmm. That's how we are, we are the color purple. 

Matt: Mm-hmm. How could anybody walk by us? Right. And not stop for a moment to say, Rachel, you're an amazing human. Mm-hmm. You know, you know. And so, um, we, we, you may not, you may not know it.  

Rachel: Yes.  

Matt: But we all need to hear that we all to. Well and that's need to, one of the reasons we  

Rachel: are calling it unseen Atlanta is for that very reason of. 

Rachel: We all wanna be seen, we all wanna be known. We all wanna be loved. That's right. You put it so eloquently. Like when we walk by people, are we seeing them?  

Matt: Absolutely. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. That's And are we loving them no matter what?  

Rachel: No matter what. Yeah.  

Matt: So I think that there will al, you'll always find an addicts, a lack of love. 

Matt: Uh, and, and most, and because of it, they probably have a lack of love for themselves. Mm-hmm. Right? Because their first thing to, and most people aren't vulnerable enough to admit it.  

Yeah.  

Matt: But the truth is, is that we find our us, we find ourselves to be inadequate. And so the only way that we can deal with that inadequacy is to numb it. 

Yeah.  

Matt: So for me, and what the Potter's House did for me was it gave me the love for myself that I needed to be able to move on with my life. Right? Yeah. And not imper perfection. 'cause I'm No, totally. I'm far from perfect. I think another, so you have to learn to love yourself. Another way that you're gonna do that is through obviously. 

Matt: A strong spiritual connection. Yeah. We do have to. It's again, if you grow up in the church and you sing, Jesus loves all the little children. Uh, you know, the idea is that, well, you know, he loves us all. Well, we don't all feel that.  

Hmm. Yeah.  

Matt: You know, the, the, the red, yellow and uh, uh, the red, yellow ones, red, yellow, black and white. 

Matt: That's right.  

Rachel: They are precious. Like,  

Matt: like so I knew  

Rachel: I had to throw a song in there.  

Matt: You did. Jesus loves the little children, the children of the world, everybody. There you go. But I can guarantee you that the red and yellows would've disa disagreed with that. Right? I mean, it's a great thought, right? But do we really love red, yellow, black and white? 

Matt: Right? And so, but, but, but God does. He does. Mm-hmm. He does. And so, uh, and of course one of the things that you will do in, uh, in our recovery program is that you're going to build that relationship with God. You're gonna have, uh, it's actually built into your schedule a quiet time. Mm. A daily quiet time is built into your schedule. 

Matt: Uh, and so you have the opportunity to pray, meditate, read your devotional, you know, but, but, but we feel that that is so important. That's why it's given that. Right, and because it's essential. My last big one is surround yourself with good people.  

Mm.  

Matt: If you surround yourself with good people, you have so much more of chance to make it. 

Matt: And when I say good people, I think that sometimes we like to surround ourselves with who we think that we'll look good with.  

Mm-hmm.  

Matt: And that is not surrounding yourself with good people. Um, I'm very fortunate that God has blessed me with, uh, people in my life who really, I can honestly say just love me. 

Matt: Mm. Just for being me. Some of them are even here. Right. And so mm-hmm. Uh, and that's important. Mm-hmm. Right? It's important that you can be yourself, uh, and, and, and it's one in one, 100% authentic self and, and have those people still at your side. Yeah. Right. There's no conditions behind it. Uh, and it is possible. 

Matt: So yeah, continue to surround yourself with good people.  

Rachel: Yeah, love yourself.  

Matt: Love yourself, and get grounded in your faith. Yeah, and I really, those are my big biggies for I'm really living life and recovery. I'm  

Jonathan: really, I'm really curious. I've been wanting to ask this question and I know we're about to wrap up too. 

Jonathan: Mm-hmm. But, um, if you don't mind sharing, how has your faith evolved? Over the course of your life, um, to where you are now. It sounds like it's been a big part of your journey. Well, uh, yeah.  

Matt: Well, yeah, church, uh, and faith was always big for me. My mom was a church pianist, right? And so I It's in your  

blood. 

Matt: It's in my blood, right? And so I grew up, uh, you know, sitting on the piano bench next to her and, uh, and singing Sunday school songs. And like, some of my earliest memories of playing were like, I remember one Sunday, uh. We, you'd go to Sunday school and when I grew up, they would always sing like Sunday school songs, like five or 10 minutes before. 

Matt: Yeah. You would break up and go to your classes. And so I can remember the lady that playing the piano wasn't there that day. And you know, I was like six years old, I can do it. Oh, of course. You know, and so I would roll up and do it, you know, and so no big deal. So I grew up, uh, uh, with that and, and I that, but as I said, that was. 

Matt: Church was important to me for spiritual reasons, but it was also important to me because it was where I felt like I could shine.  

Rachel: Yeah.  

Matt: Yeah. Mm-hmm. You know, uh, it was the only opportunity that I had to like display, well, this is what God did for me. This is your  

Rachel: gift. Yeah.  

Matt: Yeah. Uh, you know, and I always knew that, and I always knew that music was a gift and I always took it seriously. 

Matt: I don't know, uh, from a faith perspective, uh, I mean, you know, I grew up in a time where everyone basically said, you're doomed.  

Mm-hmm. Yeah. You  

Matt: know, and, and so that was another reason why I would never admit to who I was because who wants for people to sit around and say, and say, well, you either do this or you're gonna burn in Hell Yeah. 

Matt: I mean, I just, that, that, that thought terrified me. And so, you know, you live in that terror too. It's like, well, I'm not gonna tell anybody because, you know, maybe I'm not. Yeah. And, and then you start praying to not be, to not be, and then that just turns into a whole nother, that's a whole nother topic. 

Matt: Yeah. But, um, but where I, where it evolved is that life's experiences and the people, uh, that God has blessed me with and the opportunities and the talents that God has blessed me with. I know that he loves me red, yellow, or black and white. I'm precious in his sight. Um, and I don't believe that I'm gonna burn in hell for it. 

Matt: Hmm. I really don't. I believe I'm gonna sing along with all the other angels. We're gonna  

Rachel: be in the choir together.  

Matt: We're gonna be in the choir, and we're picking the costumes.  

Rachel: I'm not doing, I'm not doing a choir rope. You better believe there is not gonna be a collar on that thing.  

Matt: It's gonna be a,  

Rachel: it's gonna be something, a scar. 

Rachel: Nice.  

Matt: Just, well, I feel  

Rachel: like this is such, thank you so much for sharing your story, Matt. It's my pleasure. Thank you. I think that your story is not just. A story for someone who's dealing with addiction. It's a story for everybody. Well, I appreciate that. 'cause at the end of the day, um, we all wanna feel loved. 

Rachel: We all wanna feel accepted. And I think it's a, it's a story of reflection for us of how are we living that out? How are we living our authentic selves? Right? How are we, uh, I think you ooze authenticity.  

Yeah.  

Rachel: And I hope that everybody who's listening can feel that can see that. I also want you to know, and I hope. 

Rachel: You, you know this deeply, how much you are, um, loved and adored in the Atlanta mission community. Oh, well I appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah. You, you just, you are, you can't say your name without people talking about how much they love you. So Well, I appreciate that. I think we are lucky that you are here. 

Rachel: Well, I'm lucky because you got, you have brought so much joy and so much, um, love to our. Our mission. So yeah. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Thank you all for listening today. We hope you enjoyed Matt's story. We love that it was a special episode where he can be his own, um, subject matter expert, and I'm really happy we got a little song in there. 

That's right. So stay tuned  

Rachel: for our next episode and we will see you next time. Thank you. 

Tensley: Thank you so much for listening and engaging with these challenging yet vital conversations about mental health addiction, homelessness, and trauma in our city. Facing these issues head on is how we ignite real transformation in Atlanta. Thank you to our seasoned sponsor, the Scott Pryor Law Group. The transformation you've heard wouldn't be possible without incredible partners like the Scott Pryor Law Group, personal Injury and Accident attorneys, their compassion and dedication to our community. 

Tensley: Fuel stories of transformation just like these. If you are injured in a semi-truck or car accident, call the Scott Pryor Law Group. As a US Marine, we fight and win for you. Our clients are family for life. We handle all types of injuries. You focus on healing and we handle the rest. Now, if today's episode inspired you to take the next step, we would love to invite you to join the work that God is doing here. 

Tensley: There are two really impactful ways for you to get involved. First, you can give financially to help us continue the work you heard about today. Second, you can volunteer your time by serving at one of our campuses. You can find all the ways to give and get involved@atlantamission.org. Thank you again for being part of this journey. 

Tensley: Please join us next time as we uncover more. Powerful stories of hope and transformation.