Ink, Roots & Redemption - Tryshna Malonzo

Grief can be quiet, delayed, and strangely practical. It can look like showing up to school, going to parties, keeping the jokes going, and only realizing later that you've been carrying something heavy for years. We talk with Filipino-American poet, educator, and community activist Tryshna Malonzo about what it means to reclaim your life when loss has rearranged your inner world, and how writing can become a place where every part of you gets to speak.

We start with the origin of her name, inspired by the mantra "Hare Krishna," then move into childhood memories of her grandfather's steady care and the rituals that made home feel safe. Tryshna opens up about Alzheimer's, visiting a care home, seeing her lola slowly escape, and the moment the final phone call makes everything real. From there, she reflects on a college era shaped by substances, performance, and shame, and the slow pivot toward honesty, self-respect, and self-care.

The heart of this conversation is practice: journaling for healing; yoga and mindfulness for reconnecting with the body; spirituality and nature as anchors; and community as a source of accountability. Tryshna also shares how she chooses poems for open mics by returning to her journals, letting the present moment guide what she reads, and trusting that sharing story is part of liberation. 

Subscribe for more conversations like this, share the episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more listeners can find the show. What line or idea from Tryshna's story are you taking into your space?

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Transcript

Welcome And Big Themes

Taran Singh 0:06

Okay, here we go in one, two, three. Hello, everybody. Today our guest is Trishna Molenzo, a Filipino-American poet, educator, and a community activist. We are here to chat about the power of ink, roots, and redemption. Welcome, Trishna.

Tryshna Malonzo 0:28

Thank you for having me. Um, it's a true honor to be here. So thank you.

The Story Behind Her Name

Taran Singh 0:33

Yeah, yeah, thank you for making time. And we're just going to kick off right from your name. You know, it's an easy question or an easy way to begin the story. Uh, what is the mantra behind your name? And and give us the story how you were coined.

Tryshna Malonzo 0:51

Yeah, so my mom, she was 10 years old when she heard the mantra Hare Krishna. She had heard it from a Filipino singer singing it through the TV, and it stayed with her. She just thought how beautiful. Um, and it stayed with her until she had me. Um, and she wanted to make Krishna um a little more unique um and change the K and the I to T and a Y to make my name Krishna without her knowing that you know that name would actually also mean something else. And that, yeah, and so she just loved that name so much and it stuck with her. And she even told me there was no question about what she would have named me. Um, and then later on in life I kind of learned what else my name meant too.

Taran Singh 1:49

So yeah, which is which is which is the power of divine, right? Hare, hare means the power of divine, and and sometimes uh it just happens, right? We pick up things and and they show up in life. Uh, and and what a beautiful way to have a beautiful name. And

Grandfather, Bus Stops, And Care

Taran Singh 2:09

your you know, your nana from your mom's side also played a pivotal role in your life growing up in the bay. He was he was one of your rock stars and a rock in your life. Talk to us about the relationship between you know your mom, your uh your uh your grandfather Lolo, as as they say in the Filipino language, and talk to us a little bit about that and how how he unfolded as the rock in your life.

Tryshna Malonzo 2:39

Yeah, so I mean, I grew up in multi-generational homes. My parents were immigrants from the Philippines. And so growing up when my parents were working, my grandparents took care of me. Um and my Lolo, you know, he was a very quiet man. I don't think he he said much. Um, maybe it was also the language barrier, but uh something he would always do was drive me, uh not drive me, walk me. He would always walk me to the bus stop. Um and then when school would be over, he'd be there waiting for me as well, and we'd always walk home together. Um, so he was, yeah, he was someone that, you know, took care of me for a big portion of my childhood along with my Lola. Um and you know, a few years later, as I became an adult, he he developed Alzheimer's, and um yeah, eventually he would he would pass. And so I think the grief that I felt from his passing, uh I didn't know it at the time, but I was I was grieving a lot and I didn't know how to I didn't know how to feel it or express it or um take care of myself through it, but it was really the biggest shock, I think, in my life because it was the first time that someone close to me and my family passed away.

Taran Singh 4:30

Yeah, uh yeah, no, so and and that is you know how old were you when that happened? Were you in high school or still in middle school?

Tryshna Malonzo 4:42

How old was I? Um you know what he started to develop it, I think he started to already have health challenges when I went into high school, and then once I got into college, that's when his Alzheimer's started to occur. Um and I also remember just uh driving my Lola to him when he was in a care home and you know, dealing with the Alzheimer's and kind of slowly forgetting who I was. Um, and I think that was already me grieving at the time, realizing that okay, our relationship isn't what it was anymore.

Taran Singh 5:28

Yeah, yeah, must be tough. Um, but I also want to walk back to what you mentioned, and he would walk you to the bus stops and and pick you up from the bus stop and bring you home. Uh give us a little bit more details and color there. What was that, and how far your stop was from your home? What did we would he have lunch ready for you? How was how did that become such a connecting ritual for you both of you? And and did he look forward to it as much as you did?

Tryshna Malonzo 6:01

You know what? I yeah, so I don't know if he looked forward to it, but he was always ready. I'll say that. Um, like I said, he was a very stoic, like quiet man. So to know his emotions was a little difficult. I just know he was he was there, you know, and he'd always be ready. He'd have his cane, his um zip-up sweater, his sweats, and I'm pretty sure he wore sandals too, and his his square glasses, and we would walk down the street. It was actually just pretty much down the street, and then we'd cross the main road, and then my bus stop was right there. Um, and so he'd wait, he we would walk down that street, he'd wait for me there. Um, he'd wait with me there for the bus. And then when I would come home from the bus stop, he would be there waiting for me. I don't know, I just imagine him with his cane in his hand, you know. And uh sometimes he would can me a tamarind candy. I don't know what the name of it is, but it's just it was it was like a brown goldish wrapper. And he'd always have one. Him and my mom, they'd always have one, and that's that's kind of a flavor of my childhood and like growing up with him is that tamarind candy. So that is something I do remember having sometimes when we'd be just walking down the street. Um, this shared, I guess the shared sweetness of a candy.

Taran Singh 7:46

Yeah, that's a unique flavor to Southeast Asia, right? You go to Tamarit is not unique to at least in California, right? I Hawaii still has it. But yeah, that's such a such a unique way to experience that. Um

Alzheimer’s, Memory, And Goodbye

Taran Singh 8:02

and you know, you mentioned that you know, he he when he was in care, how I know you mentioned that he was he was not aware of who you were, but you became more aware of who he was at that time. And uh as an adult, especially, you know, you were grieving, but when you know in in that mode, how what was happening in Krishna as she saw that this rock of her life is no longer going to be with him uh in her next adventures of life?

Tryshna Malonzo 8:37

Uh yeah. You know, when I when I think about how I was feeling at the time, um I don't think I fully knew the extent of the grief I was feeling, but I just do remember going into the care home uh with my dad first, and he he told me, I just want you to know what we go with, it's gonna be really sad in there. You know, I've never been in a care home, and so I I walk in and then I go into his room and I see him laying there. Um and yeah, it was a big shock to me. I yeah, I think the first feeling I had was just shock. I didn't I didn't know what to feel or like what this meant. And then and then I remember the next visit that I had was with my Lola. I I drove her there. I would I that would soon become a a routine or or ritual of ours too, is coming there and having lunch with my Lolo. And I remember one one that that one occasion where she said, Oh, your granddaughter's here. And this is all in kapungang, and so she was like, Your granddaughter's here. Um she's she's the one that graduated as a teacher uh or studying to be a teacher. And she asked, Do you remember her? And he kind of looked at me, and he actually he he said one of his ex-girlfriends' names. And then my my mom was like, No, that's not like um yeah, it was very funny, and you know, it was a funny moment, but it wasn't that moment where I'm like, okay, he doesn't remember me. And um yeah, everything just moved very fast, so I think the gravity of it just didn't really fully hit me until later. But um yeah, and then you know, the next, and then I think one of the very last visits I had, uh, the nurses just told me he has to eat. He he if he doesn't eat, then then it's you know gonna be towards the end. And you know, that was the very, very real moment for me because he just wasn't eating and we tried, and um then that's when the next like time happened where I got the phone call. Um, and then that's when it all kind of came crashing down on me. I just remember actually crying in my car. I was I just came out of a doctor's appointment, and um my mom had been the one to call me to tell me, and I was just crying in the car, and yeah, I I was bawling, and I think that was just when it hit me, like okay, like he's he's uh past now.

Parties, Substances, And Shame

Taran Singh 12:00

So um yeah, yeah, it's uh it's very touching, but the rules he gave you are you know timeless and and and that's I think is evident in your spark. Um I want to I want to move to a little bit to the to your journey when you you know from when you were in college and going from going from the valley of darkness to this mountain in in you that you started to climb from Captain Malenzo to Captain Trishna Molenzo. Expand this for us, you know, and that's such a such a unique way of how you how you collected yourself and and started walking on your own mountain. Uh it just shows the power in you. Can you expand for us what what was it going through that journey from Captain Molenzo and maybe just tell us a little bit about those names too, and now to Captain Trishna Molanzo?

Tryshna Malonzo 13:07

Okay, I laugh because the way Captain Malonzo was served in college, uh it was it was so the way I even got the term Captain Malonzo is because there's a rum drink called Captain Morgan. Um and I would actually be carrying that around at parties, and I would I was a very just loud person that just wanted everyone to have fun. Um and I also turned a lot to substances to have fun, and I would probably say subconsciously mask a lot of pain and grief that I had been dealing with at the time, and actually just throughout my life. Um that you know, substances were actually something that carried me from teenage to adulthood. So the cap the term Captain Malonzo actually came from my friends dubbing me as Captain Malonzo. Um because I would just set the tone for parties, I guess. Um but I think the becoming of the full, you know, Trishna Malonzo and just steering my whole life is um it was facing all of the grief and rage that I had and and and really looking in the mirror and reckoning with myself in a way. Um you know, in in the spiritual community they might call this shadow work, but I think there was a point where I really had to look at myself and and ask if if this was serving me. Um and I think it came in a lot of phases of like I'd be angry and then I'd be I'd be really sad and I'd have a lot of grief and um and then over time learning that I didn't have to have shame for any of it. I think shame was a big catalyst for me into uh shifting in that identity.

Taran Singh 16:02

Yeah,

Yoga, Journals, And Ancestor Signs

Taran Singh 16:03

that's what you said there. I want to pause and and and just acknowledge the courage and and the compassion you you know you you had to turn around from you know from from a bottle to a person, right? At that point, you know, your dante had to make a big pivot. And as as you look back, you know, you talked about you had to find a way to reflect on it. Uh what were some of the things that were helping you reflect, right? You talked about, you know, we know that you journal, uh, what else was happening in your life that helped you find that reflective mirror?

Tryshna Malonzo 16:48

Um so I'll just kind of reference again the my Lolo for a little bit here. Um I think following my Lolo's death, um it opened up my my spirituality a lot. And then I turned to yoga, and then a couple years after that, then I would experience more grief and death in my life, and I and I feel that every time I experienced that, it just opened up more of me to take a look at my life and really reflect on how I'm living it. Um, you know, I think when you think about the people in your life and what they meant to you and what you learned from them, it's it's a big mirror and window to looking at your own life and just reflecting on on everything. Um so uh, you know, I would say, yes, journaling was a huge one for me that allowed me to express myself in a lot of ways, and and yoga was also a place where I could find stillness and and understand my body and what I was feeling because I felt really disconnected from my body for a really, really long time, and I hadn't known it until I just sat with myself and um and and also just um developing my spirituality and and finding a very deep connection and relationship with the earth. That that was really big to me too, because actually every time I experienced the passing of my family, I'd always see an orange, an orange monarch, like a butterfly. And with without fail, like it always it always would happen. Um and that to me represented that like my ancestors were always with me, and making that connection, I think that was that was an opening for me to look at my life and to understand like what is what's my purpose here. Um and so yeah, I would say the journaling, the yoga, the sitting with earth, and developing my spirituality, those are all things that really have helped me um reflect on my life, yeah.

Devotion, Boundaries, And Community

Taran Singh 19:42

And and that awareness journey, the shift in that awareness journey, right? And that you talk about and and you give a good glimpse onto it, is how does one remain honest to it, right? In in life, you go through these up and down, how is Krishna remain honest to it? What what accountability you had to build in the beginning to stay accountable to that journey, right? Because I I'm a you know, I'm assuming that when you go through this awareness that the gravity of the past is still trying to pull you at certain point, right? And and that is you know, I I've seen it in my family, you know, and that once it is hard to sometimes shake off the gravity unless right, and and first of all, you know talk to us how your roots and and you know you talked about your Lola, but also talked about a little bit about how you have built the awareness muscle uh uh to give you the spark and the intensities in a way that that you have that you are steering your ship of this awareness and uh and rootedness with the nature and your own belonging in the space of earth. How do I build a cat? And I have yeah, yeah, no, I was saying like is there something that you do daily in your journaling rituals, or is something that you have built in in your life now that hey, this is where I've drawn the line, this is what Krishna is going to do, and this is what Krishna is not going to do, or or you're still like I'm just going to figure it out as a butterfly.

Tryshna Malonzo 21:35

Yeah, you know, you know, um I think I'm I'm just becoming more grounded in that. I think before this it was just a lot of like learning and and you know, like you said, like a butterfly and a lot of Death and rebirth had to happen. And I think I am at the point now where I have built a more solid foundation and knowing my roots and what that means to me. And so that really looks like you know, concretely in my daily life, it's going outside, facing the sun, sitting on the grass, um, tending to my altars, and really just asking myself, how do you feel right now? What do you want to do right now? Taking those pauses in my day to ask myself that is something I'm a lot more intentional about. And you know, in the past, that isn't something that I would ask myself. I would just go about saying, I need to do this, and I need to do this, I need to do this, and and you know, that would maybe change depending on seasons. But I was I was pretty hard on myself, honestly. And I tried to be disciplined, but that was really hard. And I think one of the things that changed for me too is thinking about like, how can I turn discipline and reframe it in my mind as devotion? Because I think demo devotion for me actually meant something different, and it meant pouring into the things that I really love and want, and like and then aligning my actions with it. And so that is why I ask myself, like, what do you want to do right now? How do you feel right now? And then if that feels blurry, then I'll go outside or or attend to my altar, or you know, the biggest thing for me is account for accountability is my community too. The more I got honest with myself, the more honest I was able to become with my community and my loved ones. And I think that has been actually one of the greatest gifts I've you know received now. Um, and and I'm embracing that a lot more and like knowing that I don't have to do it alone.

Taran Singh 24:16

Yeah, that that acceptance of love from the community, uh, that is probably a game changer, you know, that when people accept you as you are, and and your past is past is not something that they try to, you know, uh find find holes in it. Uh

Returning To Writing In The Pandemic

Taran Singh 24:37

you you also mentioned, right, in in in your journaling ecosystems, uh, that you you write in ways uh that you're able to put yourself together as a whole. Has was that something that you've been doing it for a long time? How did that habit or how did that journaling came into picture in your life?

Tryshna Malonzo 25:00

Uh yeah. So the journaling, that piece, um I've actually really loved writing all of my life. I would always tell people that, you know, English and language arts and all those classes, they were my favorite classes. And um, it wasn't until the pandemic uh started that I leaned onto writing and journaling again. I think at the time, you know, obviously at that time we were all home. We were all just um, I don't know, kind of stuck in our homes. Not stuck, but we were in our homes. And um that gave me time to really reflect and sit with myself. And and then, and you know, yoga was something that I did do, but journaling helped me get things out the way I wanted to. And uh then over time I think that started to gradually build, and it made space for all the things that were coming up in my life without me feeling like I needed to filter myself, and I think that's the biggest thing that you know journaling in ink does too, is that you can show up however you want to when you journal or write. Um you can allow every part of yourself to speak. Um if you just let it, right? Uh it's giving ourselves permission to, and I think that like being a lot being my giving myself permission to let all of these parts speak and have a voice and have space, that was the greatest thing I can do for myself because it allowed me to see that all of these versions, all of these parts of me, it's what makes me me. And I can be proud of that and I can embrace myself as a whole person because I'm able to recognize all the things that I am now, all the things that I have been, and all the things that will carry me forward. So journaling has definitely been uh yeah, that for me.

Taran Singh 27:40

Yeah, what

Performing Poems And Sharing Liberation

Taran Singh 27:41

what a what a great insight. All the things I have been, and all the things the past, present, and the future all all connected through through a dot in the ink. From from journaling to performer, right? And that's where you know when I saw you performing and the harmony of a Jedi comes through you, but you're also taking dark and not not slicing it in a way, but you're making dark become light, right? And and that was such a powerful expression that you have to open your ink with the contrast and the language you use to bring the light and the dark together. How is that recipe being cooked at Krishna's home? I want to know a little bit more about that. What is happening that you're able to cook diet and light together and harmonize it so well on a stage? Uh, do you practice and and and and give us a little bit about how you prepare for a performance, how you write, and and how does this all gel together uh in your heart and soul?

Tryshna Malonzo 28:45

Oh man, yeah, how does it get to that point? I don't even know. Just kidding. Um, you know, it's since the pandemic, that's been like uh when I've written the most like I've written so many poems since then up until now. And it wasn't until a couple of months ago where I decided I was gonna like, and I was really scared. I was really scared, but I also knew that the darkness or these parts of me, they wanted to be in the light, they wanted to be shared. And so who was I to take that away from them, right? So I I stepped into the the fear and uh did my first open mic, uh, you know, with Chopsticks Alley art. And the process of getting there has really been uh I have a practice actually too of looking at my journals at least once a year, and a part of that is looking at my poems, and you know, before each performance I've done, I've uh just taken a look at all the poems I've written, and I just asked myself, what do I want to share this time? And you know, I think it aligns with just what I'm feeling in the moment. That's how I kind of uh find the intention of what I want to share with the world. So I'll just kind of scroll through all the poems and I'll be like, oh, okay, like this really speaks to me right now, and this really speaks to me right now. I might pull like five to eight poems, honestly, at one at one time. And then I'll take a look at it. I'm like, okay, I'll read it over and over again. I'm like, okay, okay, what what resonates with me? And then and then I'll get to the performance, and and then I don't know what it is. Something will just click in me where I'll where I'll look at the facts that I'm like, okay, these two go together, and this is what I'm gonna speak about today.

Taran Singh 31:07

Um whatever you're doing there, keep doing it because the presence and the intensity you bring and and the connection with the audience, right? That you know I I was there in the audience, it just it was it was that we couldn't with we didn't want it to end. We wanted to hear more from you, right? And we were in the spell uh and that and it took us a while to understand which part of the dark and the light was together, and but uh but I uh I admire how you're able to pull that and and get that journal, keep your log of journal as an inspiration to get to get to enthril us as an audience. And I look forward to hearing you again on other open mics, but I'm going to uh ask you to at the end of the podcast before I ask you my last question to maybe give a snippet of a poem that you want to share with our audience. But my other question that I want to ask you is when are we going to see a book coming out of Krishna? Is that in the is that in the making or or or are you holding on holding yourself off on that one still?

Tryshna Malonzo 32:24

Oh man. I it is it is in the process. Uh I've never done it before, but I do have uh, you know, a document I've been trying to edit and work on. So I do hope that that will be that will be soon. Um maybe within the next year or two. Um I'm hoping within the next year, actually, but but yeah, it is it is in the process. It's been something I've been dreaming and wanting to do.

Taran Singh 32:56

So yeah, no, you should, and and it's a gift to not just to you, but all to all of us on our journey to reflect and look at look at Krishna and the divine Krishna in a way, and and learn from our journeys, but also connect to each other as humans. Um before I let you go for the day and and get to your long weekend, uh, I would love to see if you have something that you wanted to share with our audience, uh poem, words of advice, whatever comes to your mind, uh that would be fantastic.

Tryshna Malonzo 33:33

Yeah. Um yeah, I have I did pull out a couple of so this the process I described earlier. I kind of did that before the go ahead.

Taran Singh 33:44

Please go ahead.

Tryshna Malonzo 33:45

Yeah, okay. So I have kind of uh two poems that will um mesh in together. So uh this first one is reclamation. Sometimes reclaiming your life is going back to your roots and see where things have rotted, where things need tending, where things have flourished, and where it needs to go next. Reclaiming is reclaiming your life is looking at the ecosystem and understanding what plants have added life to it or made it decay. Reclaiming your life is knowing that you have all the elements around you to support you. It's just about reaching out for help. Reclaiming your life is understanding what's yours and what isn't. And rotten roots doesn't mean you have to start over or that you're dead. It means that you have a chance to repot yourself and see how you can change to continue to thrive and grow. And this goes into so how do I choose to see life through the shadow or through the light, through fear, or through love? It's true that sometimes we have to see the darkness in order to understand the light. But how long do we stay there? Who do we call upon to help us? And what do we need to support us in getting out? Maybe it's seeing the beauty around us, what we see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. Maybe it's looking and thinking about our loved ones and the humanness and joy they bring into our lives. Maybe it's thinking about all of the memories that make us feel safe and alive. What if we just took a moment to be here? To let go of the spirals our mind takes us. What if I did better? What if I didn't do enough? What if I did this? What if I that didn't happen? What if this happens? I rob myself of what's here in front of me. The step I take to move down the path. You see, I don't know exactly where I'm going. But if I keep looking back and constantly look forward, I'll miss what's in front of me. And maybe it's the yellow marigolds blooming, the squirrels eating the dandelions, the crane that's trying to catch catch the fish in the creek, the ducks that are waiting in a couple together, the birds happily flying and chirping their songs, the orange monarch that passes from the bush to the sky, the hummingbird that floats and grabs its nectar, or the rain that pours from the sky onto the earth. How amazing it is that I get to be here to enjoy this life and live it. Um yeah, and I think uh one last thing I'd love to share too is that um when we share our stories um and our voices, that is a part of the liberation, and that's how we can continue to humanize each other and normalize experiences that we have in life. And so um I would say that is something I've learned in in my journey of journaling and ink and writing, and so that is something that I want people to also um feel and know too is that your voices and stories matter, and that's what's gonna help uh continue to liberate those before and after and around us.

Taran Singh 37:42

Yeah. No, thank you. Thank you. Such a first of all, such a great homage to the present and what a what a what a great poem, and thank you for your presence and and thank you for voice and thank you for trusting me in sharing your story. It was it was an honor. And we look forward to hearing you again in many performances. Have a great weekend, and thank you for coming to the mountain and us.

Tryshna Malonzo 38:08

Thank you.