Sista Check: Keep Going

This week’s Sista Check is a heartfelt conversation about grief, guilt, and giving yourself permission to move forward. As I reflect on the loss of my beloved Auntie Gayle and the difficult choice between attending her services and a life-changing conference opportunity, I share the lessons, affirmations, and sisterly wisdom that helped me find peace.

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Transcript

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Hey sis, how you feeling? I know them kids are out of school. I am just getting back in town from my Arizona vacation. I spent the weekend in Phoenix and Sedona with my good girlfriend Shani and my cousin Brittany. Hey y'all. Girl, I done got my 40-year-old scars. Your girl done ran into a wall. But baby, listen, I crashed and had a good time doing it. But I'm just popping in real quick to do a little heart check, see how you're doing, how you feeling. So, as we always ask, where in your body are you feeling the most drained or the most excited? For me, it's in my heart. As you know, the second quarter of the year, so April, May, and June is kind of bittersweet for me because you know I lost my grandfather two years ago, uh, a week to the day of my birthday in 24, but unfortunately, I lost my auntie Gail three days before my birthday this year in 26. Baby, listen, Auntie Gail was my girl. But here I was touring between paying my final respects and going to my first Delta regional conference in Denver, Colorado. My aunt's services were the same weekend as I was out of town and I couldn't attend, but y'all know I had a try. Of course, the services were over Memorial Day weekend. So, problem number one was that the emotions took me back to 2024. But I get it, you know, it's the one time that we don't have to worry about being off on a Monday. People can travel in and travel out. I totally get it. And it's also not about me, right? But I did have to look up the flights, see if I can get a rental car. But then Big Delta came back and said, uh-uh, baby girl, no refunds. So I had to call my brusin, my brother, cousin, Kenson, and be like, I can't make it. I can't make it because I've spent over a thousand dollars trying to go to this conference between room and flight and things like that. I just I just can't make it. And for a few days, I was definitely sad, but then one morning while brushing my teeth, I heard the voice of my aunt say, Girl, go to that conference, don't be driving up here to see me. My body ain't gonna be there any damn way. And I chuckled and I said, Yes, ma'am. Sometimes people be speaking to you from the other side, and I'm like, You're not even worn yet. She was like, Uh-uh, take your ass that damn conference, girl. I was like, Yes, auntie. But since the lesson that I got from that in that brief moment was that grief has a funny way of showing up, and oftentimes can give you a sense of relief, or in my case, reassurance. You see, my auntie knows I love her down and will ride at dawn for my resident Kenton. Always and forever, right? I had an amazing time at the conference and was affirmed by my Bessie Ange, who told me first, because yes, she's gonna tell me, yep, I said it. My aunt will want me to go to the conference, and later, my Sorotera says, Sometimes you have to apologize in your heart and move on. Which brings me to today's affirmation that states, I am allowed to keep going. Let's all take a deep breath in and exhale. Let's say it two more times. I am allowed to keep going and take a deep breath in and take a deep breath out. Last time, I am allowed to keep going. Last breath in and exhale. By saying this affirmation, for me, I was able to release the pressure to be everything everywhere for everyone. I realized some seasons require difficult decisions, and I trust that I made the best choice with the information, resources, and responsibilities I had. I knew about the conference. I had already paid the conference, and there's no way to expect that you're gonna someone's gonna die, right? But if that person's important, of course you want to try to be there. But when I sat back and thought about it, I refused to let guilt become a permanent residence in my spirit, and I had to understand what is meant for me does not require my suffering as a proof of love. I honor those I have lost by continuing to live life to the fullest. It sounds cliche, but I have to trust and know that I will laugh again, I will travel again. But most importantly, life is going to life. People you love are going to be lost. But just because you lose them on the earthly side doesn't mean they're gone forever. It just means you won't be able to touch and feel them. Now you can only hug them and kiss them in the spirit realm. Right? But at the end of the day, sis, I want you to keep going because you will pursue opportunities, you will celebrate wins and create beautiful memories without apologizing for your joy. Sis, sometimes the hardest part of adulthood is realizing that every choice comes with a trade-off. And if you are carrying guilt today or any day because you couldn't show up the way you wanted to, remember this. Love is bigger than attendance. I know my auntie knows I love her down. I know that my grandfather knows that I love him down, and my family knows that I love them endlessly, right? But sometimes life is gonna life, and you will have to decide between two things. But just because I wasn't able to pay my final respects in person doesn't mean I couldn't find my own way to pay my final respects to my auntie. Always remember the people who truly love you would want you to keep living, keep growing, and saying yes to the opportunities placed in front of you. Do that for them, but always remember to do it for you. Okay, I love you, girl. No signature ending today, just virtual hugs and kisses.