EP #10 Motivation is NOT Random - A 3-Step Method to activating motivation

Motivation isn’t random — and it’s definitely not bullshit. 

In this episode of The Identity Advantage, we break down why you’re always motivated (even when you procrastinate), how dopamine and reward prediction affect your choices, and why proximity is the missing piece that makes motivation fade.

 You’ll learn a simple 3-step method to activate motivation on purpose—spot your trigger, name the thought, and bring your goal into close range—so you can stop overthinking, rewire your brain, build momentum, and take real action toward the life you want.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Motivation is getting a really bad rap lately, and I'm a little sick of it. Like I'm sick of people telling you that motivation is bullshit, telling you that it doesn't exist, that you just need discipline, that you just need more willpower. That is what is bullshit because motivation exists. And if we deny that it does, then we deny the control that we have over it. Motivation doesn't just come and go. We are creating it. We just don't realize how. Change doesn't start with what you do, change starts with who you are. I'm your host, Kendall Keaton, and this is the Identity Advantage. All right. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about motivation. Because somewhere along the way, it has become cool to say that motivation doesn't matter and that motivation is bullshit. Stop waiting for motivation. Self-discipline is everything. And yes, I'm discipline matters, but here is the here's the absolute truth. We don't do anything that we're not motivated to do. We are always motivated to do something. We are motivated to eat. We are motivated to scroll our phone. We're motivated to go to sleep. We're motivated to have a conversation with someone, and then we're motivated to remain in that conversation, or we're motivated to exit. We're motivated to fill out the application for a new job. Maybe we're motivated to not fill it out. You're motivated to continue to listen to this episode right now, or you're motivated to turn this thing off. Even avoidance is motivation. If we have a health goal and we eat the donut instead of the salad, it wasn't because we lacked motivation. It's because we were motivated by comfort, by immediate reward. We were motivated by relief. We weren't motivated in that moment by long-term results. Your motivation isn't missing. You just have competing motivations, and the stronger one will always win. Your brain will prioritize immediate reward and immediate relief. This is dopamine. And dopamine is not really about pleasure, it's about anticipation. It's about the anticipation of the reward. Your brain will release dopamine, okay, and we get addicted to dopamine. I'm sure you know that, but just so you know we will get addicted to it, and your brain releases it when it predicts something rewarding, and even more so if it's going to be a quick reward. If your brain predicts donut, immediate comfort, and gym, long-term effort, no immediate result, guess which one wins when you come home from work six, seven o'clock at night, tired? The one that will give you the most immediate relief. And that's not weakness. That is wiring. It is your brain's wiring, and that can be changed. It can be influenced. And I want to make this really practical because it is really doable. Like three steps, and you can activate your motivation. Okay, I'm going to talk about the first one. It's you have to catch that spark of motivation when you have when it when it happens. So you have to be aware of it when it happens. And instead of riding the motivational high, take a moment to notice the next time you feel motivated. Just pause and ask yourself, what just happened? Like, why do I feel motivated in this moment? Did I just watch a YouTube clip that got me going? Did I just watch a movie? Did I just hear a song that inspired me? Did I just have a conversation with someone? What were we talking about? What was it that made me feel this motivation? What time of day is it? Notice that. Your motivation has a trigger and it's not random. We have to start paying attention to what lights you up, to what is motivating you in the moments. This is the trigger. This is the ignition switch that is turning it on. Right? So catch that spark. Notice in the moment when you feel motivated and just take a second to think about what had just happened. And then the next thing that we do is right after that trigger, when you know what that trigger was, what did you think about it? What was the thought that went through your head? Did you think I could do that? If she can do it, I can do it. Yep, that looks fun. Oh, that's what I want to be doing. I don't want to stay here. I want to be there. I am capable of more. Yep, I'm better than this. What was the thought that went through your head? Because that thought did create an emotion, right? And that emotion is creating an action. Your motivation is a loop. It's a trigger. Something happens that creates an internal feeling inside of you, and then you do something about it. And if you want motivation again, you have to know how to recreate that loop. And it all starts with the trigger. What just happened that got you into that motivated moment? And then what did you think about it? And then the third step. And this is the big one. And I think it's the one that that probably gets um missed or misunderstood most often. Okay, and it's proximity. It's, I call it the proximity factor. I'm sure there's a technical name for it, but this is what we're going to talk about call it here. Is, and this is what most people get wrong is you will choose a motivating factor that is too far away and you don't know that you're doing it. I was, I'll give you an example to kind of illustrate this, but the majority of the things that we're motivated by that aren't actually working is because they're too far in the future. They're too far away, they're not in proximity of where we are. So I was talking to a young man recently who really wanted to get healthy, and there are a ton of health issues in his family. Specifically, he's seeing them in his grandma. His grandma's in her 60s and she's really starting to decline and it's scaring him. And he does not want that future. And that is completely valid. But he's in his 20s and that consequence is decades away. It's not in proximity to where he's at. So it's not motivating him. Now, when he's around his grandma, when he sees it up close, when he feels that emotional weight of it, he's motivated. Like he's working out that nine and maybe he's eating clean that next morning. But a week or two later, when he hasn't seen her, when it's not in his face, that urgency fades. And he's no longer motivated because it's not within proximity of where he's at. It's not because he's lazy, it's because the threat isn't in proximity. Your brain will prioritize what feels immediate. And if the consequence feels 30 years away, your brain will tell you you've got time. It's not a flaw in your character. It's not because there's something wrong with you, it's just human psychology. It's how we're built. And there are different kinds of motivation. I've heard the terms external and internal motivation. I've heard push and pull motivation, I've heard positive and negative motivation. And people will tell you that like a fear motivating factor is bad, that negative motivation is bad, that if you're doing something because of a fear motivator, that it's bad. And it's not, okay, it's not bad, but just know that those are temporary. Okay, for example, a class reunion. Let's say you've got a reunion this summer, it's three or four months away, and suddenly you're in the gym five days a week, right? You're meal prepping, you're cutting carbs, you're doing the work, and we think that that's positive motivation. I'm looking forward to something in the future. This is positive motivation, internal motivation. I'm internally motivating, motivated. Not really, it's external motivation and it's fear motivation and it's negative motivation. Right? You're motivated because you don't want to walk into that reunion and feel embarrassed. You're trying to avoid a feeling, the feeling that you think you will feel if you don't go to this reunion looking your best. And that works. It's not bad. Fear is power, powerful. But just know, right, there's a catch because the moment the reunion is over, the motivating factor disappears and we gain the weight back. Because the proximity disappeared. Right. And then January, February comes around the next year, and now it's swimsuit season, and we lose the weight for the summer. And then the fall comes, the holidays, and the sweatpants. January, February hits, and we're scared again. It's the cycle. New fear, new motivation. It's not bad, it's pressure.

unknown 8:00

Right?

SPEAKER_00 8:00

I call it positive pressure, putting something in proximity near you that puts pressure on you to do the thing. You just have to understand that it doesn't last once the event passes. Once that moment of time is over, you have to create a new motivating factor. You have to create something else within proximity of where you are. I'll give you a personal example. I went on a cruise, not actually it was, I was gonna say not too long ago, but it's been a bit. But I wanted to be in good shape for this. And I dialed it in, I worked out, I ate better, I stayed consistent because I had this cruise in proximity. And then I get on the cruise and I eat everything, like every single thing on that buffet. Five days later, I've gained 10 pounds. 10 pounds. I get off the cruise and I continue to gain a little bit more. Like on the drive home, you can guarantee you I'm snacking like a son of a gun. Because the motivating factor was gone. The cruise was over, and there was no longer anything else in proximity driving the behavior. So it's not bad that I used the cruise to get in shape. It's fine, it worked. But I didn't create a next motivating driver. And without a new driver, my behavior reverted to immediate result. There was nothing else close to me. The most immediate thing was the relief of eating some candy. It's not about the willpower, it's about proximity of the thing that's motivating you. And motivation has to have renewal. You have to have something in front of you as often as you can, something close enough to matter to you. If you're 30 and your goal is to avoid a health issue when you're 60, that is too far. You have to find a way to bring it closer, to need energy this week, to feel proud of yourself now, to prove to yourself you could follow through with something. Or we create a structured pressure. You put positive pressure right in front of you. You sign up for something, right? Set a deadline, make it public, create some sort of a checkpoint because your brain responds to now, not later, not someday, not vague, yeah, I want to be healthy for my grandkids. When for me, grandkids is a little ways in the future, at least I hope it is. Saying, I want to stay healthy, to be able to play with my grandkids, that is a great motivating factor. That's great. But this personally is something that I'm struggling with right now with being able to work out. And it's because I have not put something in my near future. Like I'm talking to you about this because it's something I know I need to do that I've done in the past and I've not renewed it. And so the reason I'm not able to get myself to go to the gym every day or at least four to five days a week and do something is because my goal right now is too far in the future, and I'm not putting it in proximity to where I'm at. I'm not putting it in my face on a daily basis. And that's what we have to do. And you will continue to hear that motivation is bullshit because I've heard it, some pretty big names out there telling you it's bullshit. But to say motivation is bullshit takes away your agency over it. It gives us as this, it gives us an excuse to say, it's happening outside of me. I'm just gonna let it go because I don't have control over it. And it can at times make us feel helpless. And you are not, you have control over your motivation. And we try to say that motivation doesn't exist, then we lose all of our control that we have over it. And you have more control over it than you think you do. And stop blaming yourself. Stop saying, I don't have discipline, I just need more willpower, I just need to try harder. Like people will say, well, they just must not want it very bad. That's bullshit. We do want it in the moment, but we have to find a way to recreate that moment as often as possible and keep it close to you. You need a motivating driver, you need proximity. We have to be aware of what is motivating you right now because you are always motivated. The only question is by what? Are you being motivated by comfort or by growth? Are you being motivated by relief or by pride and something you could accomplish? Motivated by avoidance or by expansion. You get to engineer what you are motivated by once you decide to start paying attention to it, become aware of it, and take back your control over it. Motivation exists. It's not bullshit. It is strategy, it is psychology, it's proximity. And once you understand that, you can stop waiting for it and you can start building it. That's a badass move. Pay attention to what's motivating you. What is your trigger? What does that trigger make you think and feel? And then can you take that and put it in proximity to where you are? And when I say proximity, I mean like six to twelve months. 12 months is the max. If you don't have something within 12 months of where you are that is motivating you, you have got to find something or you have got to put something there. Thank you so much for listening. And if something you heard today made an impact or changed the way you think somehow, then share it with somebody you care about. Because sometimes it's that one moment, that one idea, that changes everything. And until next time, remember if you want to do something you've never done, you have to become someone you've never been. That is the identity advantage.