EP #19 How Successful People Become Successful (The Secret no one talks about)

We all have a Point A and a Point B. Where we are and where we want to be. 

But those two points are not what you think they are — and until you understand what they really are, you'll keep spinning, starting over, and wondering why you can't get there.

In this episode Kindyl breaks down the real reason successful people become successful and walks you through the framework to do the same.

You'll learn:

• Why where you are and where you want to be have nothing to do with your circumstances
• What successful people understood that most people never figure out
• The difference between "fake it till you make it" and "feel it till it's real"
• Why the how is always the last step — not the first

Resources mentioned:

• Become It Workshop — Saturday May 2nd, 10–11:30 AM, Pittsburg KS — $10 at the door
• Virtual workshop coming soon — join the email list to be notified
• Find Kindyl on Facebook & Instagram: search Kindyl Keeton

Resources mentioned:
Download the emotional guidance tool linked in the show notes.

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Visit to Submit a question, Suggest a Topic, or just let me know how this episode landed for you. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You have a point A and you have a point B. We all do. Point A, where we are, point B, where we want to be. But those two points are not what you think they are. And until you understand what they really are, you just keep spinning. You keep starting over, keep wondering why you can't get there. So if you've ever felt stuck between where you are and where you want to be, this episode right here is going to change how you see that gap forever. Change doesn't start with what you do, change starts with who you are. I'm your host, Kendall Keaton, and this is the identity advantage. So a little something about me is that I am a movie fanatic. I have been forever. Like I've just been, I'm obsessed with movies, with theater in general, with actors. I wanted to act, like way back in the day, like when I that was like my dream when I was younger. So I've always just been somebody who got really engrossed in movies. And one of the type of movies that I've been kind of watching recently, like anything I can get my hands on that I can watch that is that will motivate me to be a better person. So I love, I love documentaries about like people who I've made it, about successful people. And I love any show that is based on real events that is motivational. And one of the ones, one of the movies that I have loved since the first time I saw it, and this is actually, it's not like an older movie, it's somewhat recent. It's Bohemian Rhapsody. And it's like the story of Queen, Freddie Mercury. And I watched it when it first came out, loved it, watched it again, and then I just watched it again recently because I love how motivated I am after I watch these kinds of things. So I feel like it's a really good use of my time because when I'm done, like I'll sit and just like brain dump for hours afterwards, or I will write about something, or I'll get ideas because of the state of being I am in after I watch a movie like this. But this particular time, I watched the movie, I watched it's all about Freddie Mercury, and it's it hit me a little bit differently this time. I think it just soaked in in a different way because of the things that I'm working on right now, because of the workshop that I'm building, because of the talks that I'm building. Freddie Mercury did not become one of the greatest performers ever, and then start believing that he was extraordinary. He believed it first. He felt it first. He showed up as that person before the world confirmed it, before the sold-out stadiums, before the hit records, before anyone else saw what he had saw in himself. He believed it and he showed up as that. That is the whole thing. That is what so many people are missing. Lady Gaga actually talked about this openly too. She said that her words were, I always felt famous. She felt famous before she actually was famous. She chose that feeling. She operated from it. Every action she took came from that place, from the identity of someone who already had what she was going after. We look at people like that, and there's a part of us that thinks that they just got lucky, that they were born with something special, that confidence, they were like born with a confidence gene that the rest of us didn't get. But what was happening is that they understood something, maybe consciously, maybe not, but they understood something that some people just never figure out. You have to feel it before you can have it. Not fake it, you have to feel it. There is a framework to walk you through how to do this. It's a framework that I work with with my clients, it's a framework that I teach at my workshops. And I'm gonna go through it with you today. Because you can start this right now from wherever you are. Step one is figuring out what point A is. If you're somewhere now where you can get paper and pen out, do it. If not, just listen to this and go back later and get these get these steps written down. But you're gonna want to write these down. This is something that I'm going to be teaching in person coming up this Saturday live here in town. If you are in the area, you're going to want to be there. If you are not, it's also something that I'm going to be teaching at a virtual workshop. So it'll be online. You can join from anywhere. If you are not part of my mailing list, you need to do that. It'll be in the show notes for you to get on that so that you will know when that is coming up. Because I'm going to cover this on a surface level right now, all of these six steps, but I'm going to go in depth in person at the workshop this weekend and also in an online event coming up. So take notes today. You can start these right now. And then if it hits, if it resonates and you want to go deeper, there's going to be an opportunity for you to do that. Get on my mailing list so you know when that will be. But let's get started now with step one, which is figuring out what point A is. If you want to go anywhere, you need two things. You need to know where you are and you need to know where you want to go. You need point A and you need point B. And here's what most people get wrong, including me, for the longest time is that we answer these questions in term of circumstances. Where you are now, well, I'm in this job, I'm in this house, I'm in this city, I'm doing these things every day. And where you want to go, well, I want that job, I want that house, I want that relationship, I want that business. But that's not actually what you need to be asking. Where you are right now, your real point A is not your circumstance. It is your emotional state of being. It's how you feel. Anything you want, and you can want anything, but anything you want is only because of how you think you will feel when you get it. It all comes back to your state of being, to your emotions, to how you feel. So your point A is not a situation, it is not a circumstance, it is not a relationship, it is not your job, it is not your house. It is your emotional state. It is the emotions that you live in and that you feel the majority of the time. That is your point A. So the exercise for step one is very simple. You just brained up. How do I feel right now? Not what's happening in my life, but how do I feel? Feelings are one word. If you write down more than one word, that is a thought, that is not a feeling. If you write down, I feel like nothing's going right for me, that's a thought. Ask yourself, how do I feel when I think that? You feel stuck, overwhelmed, defeated. Those are the feelings. Write them all down. The ones that resonate the most, the ones where you feel like you spend the most time, that is your point A. That is your emotional state, that is where you are right now. Step two is figuring out point B, which again is not a circumstance, is not a situation. This is why you can start taking steps to create a better life, even if you don't know what you want to do. You want to change your job, but you don't know what it is, that's okay. You can still start taking steps. You want a new relationship, but you don't actually know what you want it to look like, that's okay. You can still start taking start taking steps. Because all you need to know is how do you want to feel? Point B is not a thing, not a job title, not a number in your bank account. It's how those things would make you feel. Why do you want those things that you want? If that's what's coming up for you is just things and circumstances and situations, ask yourself, why do I want them? How would I feel if I had them? Write those emotions down. That is your point B. Essentially, all any of us want to do is go from feeling this way to feeling that way, to feeling the way we feel now at point A, to feeling the way we want to feel at point B. That's the road that we want to travel. We cannot just look at the things that we have and the things that we want to have. We have to know how we're feeling and how we want to feel. And this matters so, so much because this is how you can start moving toward your destination right now, even if you don't know what the physical destination is, even if you do not know the tangible things that you want to have. If you know the way you want to feel, you can start moving forward. And what most people want to do now that they have point A and point B is they want to answer, how do I get there? Don't do that yet. You can't do that yet. Everyone wants to start answering, how do I get there? But that's not until later. You have point A and you have point B. Step three is where the work starts, and it's the work that nobody really wants to do. And it's also the work that people will tell themselves doesn't matter, that they'll skip over. It's the mindset work, it's the belief work, it's taking those emotions that you actually want to feel. It's taking your point B, whatever those emotions are, and those become your affirmations. Those become the beliefs that you practice on a daily basis. What are those emotions? And you say them in a present I am statement. I am confident, I am free, I am at peace. And you say them and you say them and you say them until you feel it. What does freedom feel like in your body? What does confidence look like in your life? And you don't have to force it, you just say those affirmations over and over. And the first time you do this, it might feel uncomfortable. It might feel like you're lying to yourself. And I want you to hear this clearly that the discomfort when you say these is not a sign that it isn't working. Right? That feeling is just the old version of you bumping up against the new version of you. It's friction and it's okay that it's there. We don't stop because we feel this. We have to keep going until it stops feeling uncomfortable and starts to feel true. And if you do it, I promise you that it will. And people will say that this is faking it till you make it, but it's not. It's you feel till it's real. You have to feel it. You're not faking it, you're feeling it. You're finding a way to feel this. And it's spending time each day, preferably in the morning, getting yourself into these emotional states. They don't stay for a long time, but if you do this over and over, you'll start to be able to feel them. And the time, the duration for which you can feel these emotions will start to increase and it will start to feel less uncomfortable. It will start to feel less fake and it will start to feel like who you are. And you will start to find clarity around what it would take in your life to feel these emotions. You will start to find clarity about the tangible things that you would be doing if you could feel these emotions, if you felt joyful, if you felt confident, if you felt happy, if you felt free, if you felt peaceful. Whatever those emotions or states of being that are yours at your point B, you will start to feel the emotions of them. And when you feel the emotions, you will start to that clarity you are looking for. Like if I just knew what to do, I would do it. That clarity exists when you are feeling those emotions at your point B. Which brings us to step four, which is start building that vision. This is where a vision board or what I use as a mind movie exists. Start building the tangible representations of those feelings. When you can start accessing those feelings, even for just a few minutes, you start creating tangible things to anchor yourself to them. Something you can come back to every single morning. This is where vision boards come from. This is where the mind movie comes from. And I know those things get a little like people will roll their eyes sometimes at those, but most people have done them. And the people who roll their eyes have done them and they haven't worked, and it's because you've not used them the correct way. They do work, but not because they magically attract things to you, but because they are a tool. They are not a magic wand, they are a tool. They are a daily tool that pulls you back into the emotional state of your future self, of being at point B already. If your vision board doesn't create these emotions, that's why it's not working. Right? It's just paper on a wall, it's just note cards on a cork board. The point is the feeling that those things evoke. And it's getting into the feeling, realizing what things come up for you when you're in that feeling state. And what comes up for you in that state is what needs to go on your vision board, what goes in your mind movie. None of this, like your vision board, does not have to be super elaborate. And it doesn't have to be a vision board. It could be a couple of note cards that you wake up to. Right? This is where some people you've seen, like they post things on their on their ceiling. So when they wake up, it's the first thing that they see. You just have to have a way to access the visual representation of the emotional state that you need to put yourself into. And this is this can be different for everyone. There's tons of different ways to access this, and you have to figure out what works for you. It has to remind you, has to put you in the emotional state of where your point B is. This is who I am becoming, this is how I feel, this is who I am choosing to be today. Step five is two questions. Two questions that you must ask yourself. Once you've built that vision, you get yourself into that feeling state, and you can sit in it, you can really sit in it. Ask yourself, what is my future self doing that I am not doing yet? What habits do they have? How are they spending their days? What are they saying? What are they wearing? Who are they spending time with? When you're in that state, things will come up. Write them down. Those are the clues. Those are the things that you need to hold on to. Question two, which is might be more important than the first and quote first question, and it's the one that no one really will ask themselves, is what is my future self not doing that I am still doing? What have they let go of that I'm still holding on to? Have they set a boundary that I haven't set? Is there something I'm tolerating in my life right now that they no longer tolerate? From these two questions, you find what I call your identity anchor and your identity release. Your identity anchor is one thing you can bring in right now that represents the person you're becoming. Doesn't have to be big. One of my anchors in the beginning was a book. I bought a personal growth book and I put it on my nightstand, and every time I saw it, it reminded me this is who I am now. That was my anchor. Your identity release is one thing you let go of, right? For me, that was actually also a book. I was spending a lot of time reading fantasy novels and mystery novels, and reading's not a bad habit to have. Like I'm not saying reading is bad, but I was not doing it for entertainment. I was doing it to escape my reality. I was using it as a numbing mechanism. And I knew my future self did not do that. She wasn't numbing her reality because she liked her reality. So my release, my identity release was letting go of books that no longer served who I wanted to be and bringing in books that I could read that did serve the future self, my future self and who I wanted to become. One thing in your life, bring it in, your identity anchor that reminds you of who you are becoming, and one identity release. Something that represents your old identity, the old version of you that you no longer want to be, and let that go. One thing in, one thing out, just start there. And then here's where the how finally shows up in small, in just a very small way. Right? It's step six. It's not step one. Step six, the very last step is the how. And most of us are trying to figure out the how before we take a single step, before we even start step one. We think we need the full plan mapped out before we can move. I have fallen victim to this as well. I have done it before, and I have to remind myself the how will show up when I just begin. Because if we think we need the how from the beginning, we never move. And here's what I know to be true is that the person who has already done the thing that you want to do knows what to do. But you won't know what they know until you start becoming who they are. Your step six is just finding one small daily habit, one small way in which you can bring what you want to do into your life right now at even the smallest, tiniest scale. And if you do that every single day, I promise you, I swear to you, it will build over time. Things will start showing up. Build one small daily habit that your future self already has. It can be five minutes, it can be three minutes, whatever you have. Get yourself into the feelings that are your point B, your future self. How do you want to feel? You have to get yourself in that state of being. Say your I am statements, look at your vision, write down whatever inspired action comes up, and that's your aligned action for the day. Just do that thing. Did it tell you to reach out to someone? What were you inspired to do in that moment? You are a product of what you do every day. So you have to ask yourself: are your daily habits pointed toward who you were, who you are right now, or who you want to be? That's the entire question. That's the whole thing. This is the work. This is what I do, this is what I help people do. And this is exactly what we will dig in together in person at the workshop I'm doing in town next Saturday. It's called the Become It Workshop. It's Saturday, May 2nd, 10 to 11:30 in Pittsburgh, Kansas. So if you are local, if you are close, come out, be there. We're going to work through every single one of these steps together. You will leave with point A, point B, the beginning of your vision, your identity anchor, your release, your first daily habit, all of it. 90 minutes, and it is just $10 to get in the door. $10, that's it, because I want you there. I want as many people there as can be there. I want this work in your hands. It's being hosted by the Incredible Team at Eclectic Soul Studio. And I am so very grateful for their generosity and opening their space for this. Details are in the show notes. You can find me on Facebook, Instagram. Just search my name, send me a message, and I will get you everything you need. If you cannot make it in person, if you don't live nearby, get on my email list. The link is also in the show notes. You do not want to miss what's coming. But if you can be there Saturday, be there. Let's do this work together in the same room. Stop waiting for something in your external environment to change. Your situations, your circumstances, they will not change until you change. You have to change first, and everything else will follow. Thank you so much for listening. And if something you heard today made an impact or changed the way you think somehow, then share it with somebody you care about. Because sometimes it's that one moment, that one idea that changes everything. And until next time, remember if you want to do something you've never done, you have to become someone you've never been. That is the identity advantage.