I GOT BEAR MACE ON MY WHAT?!

Fight nights have been on a sneaky hot streak, and we’re not letting the best moments fly by without a proper breakdown. We talk through the recent UFC cards that surprised us, from standout prelim performances to gritty decisions that stayed tense because both fighters kept pushing the pace.

We spend real time on the headline stories: Mike Malott putting away Gilbert Burns and what it means when you beat a veteran “proof test” in the welterweight division, plus Aljamain Sterling’s continued run at featherweight against Yusuf Zalal and why the losing fighter can still come out looking dangerous. Then we look ahead at what’s coming next, including the Perth fight night headlined by Jack Della Maddalena vs Carlos Prates, the shape of UFC 328, and even the weird buzz around a “White House card” concept.

After the previews, the mood shifts with confirmed news on Carlos Olberg: a snapped ACL, surgery in Las Vegas, and the reality that a long rehab can stall an entire title picture at light heavyweight. From there, we close with our Reddit confessions segment, where the stories range from a life-altering lie in high school to a surprisingly sweet “fake tip” and a final confession so painful it becomes a public safety announcement about bear spray transfer.

If you like MMA analysis with a side of wild storytelling, subscribe, share the show with a fight fan, and leave us a review so more people can find Peak Point.

Transcript

Welcome To Peak Point

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Welcome everyone to Peak Point. We have amazing episode for you today with some great fights past and upcoming that we have to talk about. And some not so great news regarding our friend Carlos Olberg. Oh man. Uh more to come, as well as, per usual, a Reddit segment. It's very exciting. And with that, let's get into the octagon.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

What

Why Recent Fight Nights Hit

SPEAKER_01 0:46

are you most jazzed about from the recent fights?

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Honestly, just what's been going on all around with the fight nights, I think these fight nights have been very good.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Yeah, even ones where we don't expect them to be particularly good or we're just like, uh, new guys, whatever. There's there's pretty much every single one I've I can remember, there's been at least two or three that were honestly stellar fights.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Exactly, yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Yes. Some of the nobodies are uh relative nobodies are not exciting at all. But that's even the most exciting cards have at least one dud fight.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

So it's not that surprising. Um the word for me that I would put out there is pleasantly surprised. Yeah. I've been pleasantly surprised. Uh and honestly, two words. Oh yeah. That's it that is two words. So the two words I would use are pleasantly surprised. I guess I could also use surprised. Right. No, it doesn't sound like pleasantly surprised.

April 18 Card Quick Hits

SPEAKER_00 1:59

And speaking of pleasantly surprised, I was pleasantly surprised with this past uh card a couple weeks ago. It was the April 18. Gilbert Burns vs. Mike Millot card. And I'll just gloss over the ones that excited me on this one. Right. Uh how how about that uh Julian LeBlanc versus Robert Valentine? And Robert Valentine finally getting a win in the UFC. Ah man, this guy's been trying really hard, but very nice finish in the middleweight division.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Dennis versus Mar uh Marcio Barbosa and getting a performance of the night in that one. Marcio Barbosa, I like I said, pleasantly surprised at his performance. In the prelims, uh it's good to see these performances of the night.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

I know I watched this one, but for some reason I can't recall it.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Uh that's not good.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Maybe I've been skimping on the sleep. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

It was the prelims, but like I said, it's it's good to see round one knockout. It's good to see these bonuses in the prelims. Have we been seeing it's a trend, you know?

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yeah, it's been happening more and more.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Uh Jasmine, Jasu Davicius versus Karim Silva and Jasmine pulling that one out.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Um that one, in my opinion, was a bit of a snoozer.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

Bit of a snoozer. Uh, but that how about that Nalo versus Jai Herbert, though, not a snoozer.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

That was an exciting fight. I do remember that one.

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Back and forth. Uh honestly, in the beginning, it looked like Jai Herbert was done so, but it ends up doing a major comeback. It did. It did. And uh that one didn't get performance of the night, but uh the next one does fight of the night, Charles Jordan versus Kyler Phillips. Uh very impressive performance by Jordan, and uh all around I I like his performances.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

So for a ending indecision, that was uh quite exciting fight, all things considered. It wasn't uh I wouldn't call it amazing, but it was honestly I was interested the whole fight, and I didn't feel like I could really look away for any real length of time. Right. And because I knew I would miss something. They were they were active and genuinely trying to take each other out. They were just well matched and couldn't quite do it.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

And uh a fight that I did want to go to decision was this next one, unfortunately.

Malott Stops Burns In Round Three

SPEAKER_00 4:37

The consummate professional Gilbert Burns versus proper Mike Millot. And Mike ends up putting a body bag on Gilbert Burns. Yeah. Finishing him in the third round. Uh and it was all around impressive performance by Mike Millot.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

It was.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

And uh I give it to Gilbert Burns, you know, he's been a mainstay of the welterweight division. Some people have called him a gatekeeper, and a lot of people have said, like, if you beat Gilbert Burns, that proves your medal. And there's the people who go on to beat Gilbert Burns and afterward, they end up getting opportunities for the belt if not having the belt. And I'll just want to take a moment to talk about Gilbert Burns, and he's never ducked a fight, always have fought the best of the best in the division. And I mean just look at his look at his record, it's just a m you know, an amazing amount of names that he's beat and have frankly have lost to. His last couple fights very hard, dude. I'm I mean Burns versus Malat uh versus Morales before that, then versus he lost against Brady also. And then Jack Dela Medalina. All three are just absolute monsters. Monsters. Uh Bilal Muhammad, former champ, uh Mas Vidal, uh he actually got the win against Maz Vidal and then Magni. And then he loses to Chemayev in 2022. But honestly, amazing fight against Chemayev that honestly made Chemayev not look made him look human. It made him look human and it made Chemayev actually fight. Burns withstanded the storm, could not get taken down as much as we've seenev take down other people. Yeah. And it it just goes to show, you know, like the amount of medal that Gilbert Burns has. I mean, he beat uh Wonder Boy Thompson and for the belt he lost to his teammate, former teammate Kamaro Usman in 2021, Woodley before that, and Damian Maya before that. If you've been a longtime fan of the UFC, even if you've seen it for some time, you know that some of these names are belt contenders and belt winners. Yeah. So he's never fought anyone who's not great, and I think this does include Mike Malot, who uh definitely deserved this win, I think.

April 25 Card Packed With Decisions

SPEAKER_00 7:15

After that, this this card that just passed uh Saturday, April 25th. Uh, how about that Algermaine Sterling versus Yusuf Zalal?

SPEAKER_01 7:24

There were some really enjoyable fights on this night.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Really enjoyable fights. I think they were all great. However, it was decision, decision, decision. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. The judges were put to work in this one. However, like you were saying, amazing performances all the way even to the prelims. A couple that definitely stand out to me from the start. We'll do that. Uh, Cody Durden versus Aphilo and uh Durden earning that unanimous decision. I think that was a great performance as well by him. Buenasilva vs. Montaug. And Montaug, another uh unanimous decision on that one. And how about this finish by your average Jesus? Jackson McVay versus Cedric Dumas. And like I said previously, Cedric needed this win, honestly, and just could not pull it out. Not looking good for Cedric Dumas, man. Uh earning them performance of the night. Uh Jackson McVeigh, I think he did a great job. I think he did that submission for sure. And then Rodolfo Vieira versus Eric McConaco. Talk about pleasant surprise. This was a pleasantly surprising scrap, I think, right from the start.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Pretty solid, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

And uh Eric McConaco, I think he adjusted very well in between rounds, specifically two and three, going back to the bench, come you know, imposing his will in the upcoming rounds. It was very impressive. Uh earning him a unanimous decision. And uh how about in the main card? I I a little bit of redemption for the heavyweights. Redemption for the heavyweights again, in the sense that uh Marcus Bucecha versus Ryan Spann gets performance of the night in the heavyweight division. How about that?

SPEAKER_01 9:28

It was and honestly, I think it was well worth it. That was a even if it hadn't been ended in a knockout, they were they were really fighting. It wasn't just uh trying to lay against each other and heavy. Give it to Ryan Span for they were genuinely trying to knock each other out.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

And and like I said, man, give it to Ryan Spain for not allowing Marcus Buchecha to do his patented lay on him technique. Right. So that was impressive. Uh getting a nasty knockout on Marcus Bucecha. And uh talk about a nasty one, too. I mean, dude, that was crazy. You know, hits him through the guard and then a straight right down the pipe. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

And Bucecha was out, dude. I gotta say, it's not Buchecha's start to the UFC has not been great.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

No, not been great whatsoever. Lose, draw, lose. It's just not good. Um I don't know what's gonna happen, but uh some big changes need to be done in that camp. And how about that Ryoni Barcellos versus Montel Jackson? How about that scrap?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

That was a very interesting fight. Especially the uh almost duplication, especially between round one and round two. It was almost identical in that it started really well for Montel, and then Barcelos would just spring it around the tides, get it get on his back, but he he just kept not getting to the back quite soon enough. If he had had the back maybe thirty seconds sooner, he might have gotten a submission. I I can't say for sure, but it definitely looked like he was really working towards it. Yes. But he he just couldn't get to the back soon enough.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Yeah, impressive display of will uh earning Rayoni Barcellos a split decision. I mean especially with that kind of reach advantage. I I do think this was split. I I I definitely agree with the split decision. Uh I think it could have been anybody's at the end for sure. But uh Rayone Barcellos pulling that one out, and he's on a good little run. Uh Davy Grant versus Luna Martinetti, Adron Luna Martinetti, earning them the fight of the night.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Yeah, I I thoroughly enjoyed that fight. Davy Grant looked great. And despite his age, he was looking fast, he was looking determined, and he had a really good gas tank. He didn't seem like he was slowing down. Definitely seemed to be slowing down by the end of the rounds, but he he was keeping up with Martinetti, despite how much younger Martinetti is.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

And uh Davy Grant spoiling the welcome party of Martinetti into the UFC. However, Martinetti uh we've saw him in the d season nine Dane White Contender series, which people have called one of the greatest fights ever. And honestly, I agree that that that fight that he had in the contender series was amazing, and this just goes to show this guy is not gonna be in a boring fight in the UFC. So I'm excited.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

And regardless of how well Grant was doing, the only reason why you could really tell just how well Grant was doing was because of how high caliber Martinetti really was.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Um Martinetti did not wilt under the attacks. He was doing really well, and the fact that it ended up becoming a decision from either one side, it the amount of pressure both of them were putting on each other, it really looked like there very well could be a knockout or a submission. Crazy. The whole time. It looked like there it was very likely to happen anytime in the next thirty seconds, almost at any point in time.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

And the fight afterward, Rafa Garcia versus Alexander Hernandez, Rafa Garcia earning himself a unanimous decision, and uh I think he put an impressive performance against Hernandez, who did not really seem to have many answers for that one.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Yeah, I wouldn't call it a a shout-out by any any stretch of the imagination, but he definitely had a commanding presence throughout the fight.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Yeah, and uh Garcia did, of course. Garcia did, and in this next fight, I was not so happy with the outcome, mainly because I really thought Justin Edwards was gonna put a body bag on Norma Dumont in the first round. Edwards was throwing them hands on her, dude.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah, bing, bing, bink, bing. The number of strikes is significant.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

It's crazy, and then Dumont uh she adjusted she weathered the storm. Weathered the storm, and then she changed in round two and three her game plan, and she didn't get finished. However, look at that big jump from number 11 beating number three. So that's some impressive stuff by Edwards. It is. I'm I'm glad to see her in the Bantamweight division, women's bantamweight.

Sterling Vs Zalal And Stock Talk

SPEAKER_00 14:52

And then how about that main fight, Algernon Sterling versus Yusuf Zalal. Not quite as dominating as they thought Sterling was gonna be, but pretty damn dominating. Sterling looked real good, man.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

He did look really good. Uh I do have to hand it to Zalal though. He was giving Sterling a fight. Oh yeah. Sterling was having to really work. He he didn't at no point did Sterling look like he was truly floundering, but Zalal did hit him with some pretty darn good shots more than a couple times.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

But but of course Sterling did pull it off, but he He had to work for it.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

This is one of those fights where I really think that uh the fighter who lost did not lose much stock. Nah, I don't think he did. Zalal is a dog. I love seeing Zalon fights, and I just think that Algernae Sterling is just amazing, dude. I think he's a great fighter uh currently. He's undefeated in Featherweight. You know, he moved up in weight, you know, he has the most finishes, he has the most uh title defenses second most in uh Bantamweight history, and he's really making a name for himself in the Featherweight division, and I think that division really needs to be on lookout. You know, Loran Murphy versus Evalev. Let's see what happens there and who fights Volkonowski. But Algernae Sterling is definitely there in that division.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

I mean, uh I gotta say, I I think he needs to get a few more wins under his belt in the division before he should get a title shot, in my opinion. Just based on the people he has lost to within the division. But yeah, I I think I think he could definitely be a contender with a few more fights.

Perth Preview With Strikers Delight

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Yeah, and then we move on to an upcoming fight night that's looking very good. I'm gonna watch it this coming weekend that May 2nd in Perth, Australia. Jack Della Medalena vs. Carlos Prates, Striker's Delight.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

That one's looking really into uh I should say I'm really anticipating that one. It it's definitely looking to be interesting.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Yeah, we spoke about this the other uh episode, but uh damn, this card is is good, man. Benil Darius, Salkid, Tim Elliott, Urseg after that, uh before that, uh Shamil Ghaziv versus uh Perichic, and Taito Ivasa no longer fighting Sheriff. Now he's fighting Louis Sutherland, and I think that's probably a better fight. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Uh yeah, it's hard to say because Louis hasn't won yet in the UFC, so kinda hard to say for sure if it's a true good match or not.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Yeah, who knows? Um a guy who hasn't won or a guy who just keeps losing.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Yeah, there is that.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Sorry, Ty fans. McAlaff vs. Garimbo still on that prelims. And uh that Kobe Thickness Morales is good. Malkoon versus Mirchart and Junior Taffa versus Christian. Uh I'd say this is a pretty stacked card, guys. And unfortunately for us right here in the central time zone and uh the Mountain Pacific time zone, it's gonna be like 5 a.m. for us. And you know, six a.m. if you're central time, seven a.m. if you're east coast. So you gotta wake up early for this one. And

UFC 328 Card Gets Stacked

SPEAKER_00 18:27

uh how about that UFC 328 shaping up very nicely, May 9th, coming up pretty soon. Two belts on the line, Hamza Chemaev versus Sean Strickland, and Joshua Van versus Taturo Tayara.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

It's shaping up to be quite the night.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Quite the night, very exciting names on there. Names like Sean Brady, Joaquin Buckley, King Green, Jeremy Stevens, Volkov, Costa. Very big names on this card, and I think it's uh even in the prelims, we got some big names still. Ateba Gautier. Uh I know that Rising Star there. I know that uh Roman Kopolov is in the early prelims, apparently still. So even if you're up super, super early, you know, watching even if you're on early watching the prelims, very exciting fights.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

I mean, e even even without that, the Paramount platform allowing people to watch it at a more reasonable time frame is great too.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Absolutely. Another fight night afterward, how about that? Arnold Allen versus the Dalmatian uh Acosta and Doo Hu Choi versus Daniel Santos. Malcolm Wellmaker trying to make his comeback stamp versus Juan Diaz.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Yeah, May 16th looks like it'll not be a disappointing night either.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Bacaskis versus Bellato, oh man, that's gonna be a dog fight. Uh and I'm I'm very man, these cards have been very exciting, and I don't think they've missed very many. Uh even coming up in in future dates, like the end of the month, you got Song versus Fijuero. Uh that June 9th, I mean June 6th, Mohammed vs. Bonfeme. It's gonna be nice to see Mohammed back and see what he does.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

You know, I hope it's not a snooze fest.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

I hope it's not a snooze fest, and hopefully he doesn't come for another decision or something.

White House Card And Betting Lines

SPEAKER_00 20:22

And all leading up to that White House card, seven fights on there have been confirmed. Uh no prelims, no main card, it's all just seven fights. Uh Diego Lopez, Steve Garcia, Bo Nickel, Kyle Dawkis, Marisa Ruffy versus Chandler, Josh Hoket, the Incredible Hoke versus Derek Lewis.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

I hope he has enough time to recover.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

I hope he has enough time to recover. Sean O'Malley versus a hobby, uh, Alex Bareda versus Cyril Gunn. Oh man, just just lots of stuff to look forward to. And then finally, Iliad Toporia versus Justin Gacy. And uh man, let's see what hap- look at this minus 750 for Ilya Topo plus 525 Justin Gagey.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

I I I don't want to be mean, but I'm kind of surprised it's not more. That's crazy. I mean, I've said it before. Gagey, his fight style is to invite you to hit him in the face until you get tired. And Topuria is a really good sniper for that. I I don't see that being a great strategy.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Yes, let's see what what transpires in that one, but uh hopefully not a death at the White House. Uh anyway, uh we'll move on from the fight cards for some quick piece of news in the UFC.

Carlos Olberg Snapped ACL Update

SPEAKER_00 21:57

We have confirmed word uh About what happened to Carlos Olberg at UFC 327. Ah, yes. Apparently not a torn ACL, but a snapped ACL. Oof.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

I mean, that would explain that that whole shock wave that was. That was crazy.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

That was crazy. Uh crazy to witness and honestly crazy all around the fact that he won the belt on one leg. Perseverance and all that.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

It is pretty uh impressive that he was still walking around. I mean he's still gimping. He was gimping for sure. But the fact that he was still moving around, some of it I'm sure was adrenaline, some of it training. Right. He's used to being hurt and still moving around. But still. Pretty impressive.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Impressive all around. Uh having confirmed have had surgery in Las Vegas for that ACL, will continue his recovery and stay in Las Vegas for that duration of recovery time. So that's pretty good that he's not traveling in that time. Uh no timetable as a few years.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

I guess Joe Rogan didn't get a hold of him and send him down to Mexico for stem cell treatment treatment.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

You don't need surgery against stem cells. I don't think he goes quite that far, but yeah. Um point is, yeah, we're I don't think we're definitely gonna see Old Burg for 2026.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

I I don't think it would be conscionable for him to fight this again this year. He needs months of recovery time, months of retraining. He might be on in December, but that's a stretch in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

That's stretching it, and uh I mean very impressive strides in his recovery so far, already up and about. And he was last seen this past weekend at WrestleMania post-recovery, so uh it's pretty impressive. Was he on crutches? We had with crutches, yeah, with crutches. Uh he uh I really hope he recovers well. Uh and not just fast, because I don't care about the fast part, I want him to be at his hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Oh, yeah. Yeah, him not at 100% would just be disappointing for everyone.

Light Heavyweight Division On Hold

SPEAKER_00 24:18

And uh this puts the light heavyweight division in an interesting place.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

Especially for Jerry.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

I heard he's trying to, you know, he just had his baby. Congratulations, Jerry Prohaska. Oh, yeah, that's right, he was about to have a baby. Just a father now, um, different outlook in life, I'm sure. And he did say he's gonna take some time off.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Oh, he did? Okay. I'm hoping.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

Did he give any kind of timetable or probably a couple months, but I'm hoping he takes months off for sure. Because, like, dude, how many chances for the belt have we seen Jiri at and finished at the belt? So let's give him some time.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

The problem is, is nobody can beat him except for the title holders.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

That is kind of crazy. Um crazy all around. Uh, however, kudos to Carlos Wahlberg, light heavyweight champion, undisputed. And like I said, puts the division on a kind of a hold or standstill kind of phase. Um, you know, let's see what fights are lined up for that, you know, i i as far as contenders go.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

It'll see it'll be interesting to see where the top rankings are sitting when Olberg comes back for sure.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Yeah, absolutely. That's that's kind of what more so I'm very interested in, and whether or not they do that rematch between him and Jeary. Uh it's all up in the air right now.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

I'm sure it'll eventually happen, but I foresee there being a little bit of Jeary fatigue, if you will, by the UFC as a whole. So I wouldn't be surprised to see Olberg fight somebody else before getting Jeary again. Not as a slight to Jeery, it's just there needs to be more rotation within the division.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

I I definitely get that for sure. And um here's to you know, getting super healthy Carlos Olberg and an incredible, an incredible journey so far that he's had in his career.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

He's had a pretty He's had a pretty interesting go of it so far.

SPEAKER_00 26:33

Interesting is is for sure a good word to use. And uh we'll move on from the cage to some of our Reddit segments.

Reddit Confessions Segment Begins

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Heck yeah. And now, to start our Reddit portion, I have a confession for you, Alan. I knew it. And that would be that today we're doing a bunch of confessions.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Oh, I must confess I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

See, we're just getting all kinds of things aired out. Now to start this off, I'm gonna be pulling from R slash confession.

A Lie That Got A Kid Expelled

SPEAKER_01 27:25

Specifically one by Obsidian Kaleidio. Kaleido? K A L E I D O However you pronounce that. Kaleido, maybe. My lie got a student expelled, and I just saw how badly his life turned out. This has been eating me alive for a week, and I need to get it off my chest because I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. Ten years ago, in high school, I stole a teacher's phone just to see if I could get away with it. When the principal started doing locker searches, I panicked and slipped the phone into the backpack of a kid named Alex. Alex wasn't a popular kid, he was quiet, came from a struggling family, and was already on thin ice with the administration for some minor attendance issues. When they found the phone in his bag, nobody believed he was innocent. He was expelled immediately. I stood there and watched him cry while he was being let out, and I said nothing. I felt a little guilty then, but mostly I was just relieved I didn't get caught. Last Tuesday I ran into him for the first time since that day. He was working a dead end job, looking ten years older than he actually is. We talked for a bit, and he mentioned how being expelled destroyed his chances of getting into college and how his family basically gave up on him after the theft. He told me he's struggled to find decent work ever since because of his record and the lack of a diploma. Seeing him like that made me realize that w my one cowardly act didn't just get him in trouble for a day, it shifted the entire trajectory of his life. I am a successful person now, and he is struggling to survive because of a lie I told when I was a teenager. I wanted to confess right there on the street, but it I was too much of a coward again. I am a horrible person. I stole his future to save my own skin, and I don't think I can ever make it right. I am so incredibly sorry, Alex. That was that was actually kinda deeper than than expected because big ramifications for the lie he they supposedly I mean you know did and struggling family the whole nine yards. And he just he just did that.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

That's not good, but um at the end of the day, I think there were there were things that they could have did to change their life, but I'm not I don't know their entire situation, you know.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

That is deeply unfortunate and uncontrollable on on Alex's part. However, he could have used that as an impetus to choose differently going forward.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

And there are GED programs, there's there's lots of different avenues to even acquire an actual diploma. So to blame everything on that on Alex's side of things. Obviously what what OP did deeply unjust. Deeply unjust. And frankly, they should feel guilt over that. If they didn't feel guilt, they would be on the psychotic side of the spectrum. And obviously there's there's so many things to say in that regard. But like you were saying, I I do I feel like to put it all on that is unjust. Mm-hmm. It's it's very um living the victim mentality. And to live as a victim is to never be successful, frankly.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

Yes, and that's exactly my feeling, but now I kind of understand kind of both sides of the coin. I want to see the other side of the coin where maybe this was like a domino effect kind of thing. Oh, I'm certain it was. You know, where it's just it probably wasn't just this, it was this compiled with the entire living situation. And this kind of is a lesson like you don't know what anybody's going through. You don't know what what's happening to them behind closed doors and what's going on in their heads, frankly, you know. And like you said, OP should feel guilty. I think this is not good, especially it's not entirely their fault the way that their life went, but damn, it didn't help.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

For sure that didn't help.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

They certainly uh pushed him down that path. They gave him the initial push to be on the path they currently are. That said, I don't I don't personally foresee any real good coming from a confession now. All that would do would be to bring up memories and shift shift all the negative emotions associated with it. Yes, it would give Alex someone to blame specifically because Alex obviously knew he didn't steal the phone.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

But so it would give a specific person to blame for that. But I don't see it being cathartic or helpful for Alex, given given the way Alex has handled the rest of his life since then.

SPEAKER_00 33:45

I concurse her. Uh, I don't think telling him now will be beneficial. It may be ev it maybe it might be detrimental, you know.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

It could be.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

And I think let's just let it be an uh a life lesson for everybody else that don't lie on anybody because you never know what might happen.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

You never do.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

And I also don't steal stuff. Yeah, don't don't steal stuff. That that's like the main thing. Like thieves are oh man. And you know, as you may know in my personal life, I'm dealing with some fraud stuff, and uh th that's that's a form of thievery. Yes, it is. And honestly, thieves they make me sick.

SPEAKER_01 34:27

So it's it's entirely unnecessary.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Unnecessary. Uh makes it makes me feel like you're a bum or something, you know.

SPEAKER_01 34:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

And I also have a confession, Harley, from the confession subreddit by fifty dollar Volvo.

The Fake Tip That Helped

SPEAKER_00 34:45

Oh. I pretended to leave a tip for my coworker because she had a bad day. Oh boy. I'm a hostess at a restaurant. There's a newish younger server I'll call Anna. She's so sweet and bubbly. Yesterday she was having the worst shift of her life. She misplaced a customer's card in parentheses, it was found. And I found her crying in the bathroom. That is always stressful. That's scary. She told me that nothing was going right today, and that she kept making silly mistakes. I hugged her and I told her it was alright. Shit happens. We have a fat stack of lost and found cards in the safe. The customer wasn't upset, the manager wasn't upset. It will all be okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

Yeah, but it I I know a lot of people who just the way they operate in and of themselves, they they take that kind of responsibility onto themselves and they kick themselves far more than any manager would.

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Yeah, that's a great point. Some people are definitely like that, and this would be really hard for them. She just looked so defeated and kept talking poorly about herself. Even though the manager knew she was having a rough day, he cut her last so she was stuck feeling like crap. Ugh. Mostly in a mostly dead restaurant. That that that definitely does suck. Her last table was an entitled asshole of a man who just kept barking demands at her. Ah gross. I told her I'm sorry she got him as her last table. She was so unlike herself her usual happy self, and sighed and said, It's okay, as long as I make like five dollars, I won't feel like a total failure. This dude refused to look at the menu, saying he gets the same thing every time. Oh my god. The penne. She asked, Oh, our steak penne? He confirmed. She brought it to him and he tasted he said it tasted weird. He told her to make a new one without mushrooms, because he usually doesn't have the mushrooms. He eats half of it and then tells her the sauce isn't right. I grabbed the manager and warned him that this guy is a headache. This dude ordered the wrong pasta. He didn't know what his favorite dish was called. He wanted another one that he doesn't have the word pa uh pen in it. But it does use pen A noodles. He complained enough that the manager scomped his entire meal.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

God, those people sicken me, because you know they do that specifically in the hope that the manager will do that just to get rid of them.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Mm-hmm. I knew this guy wasn't going to leave anything for her, and she really needed a win. So when the guy left, I ran over and tucked a five dollar under a plate. She told me, Hey, he left me a five. And I just said, Look at that. You've you finished your wish. I feel kind of bad for lying, but I think it was worth it to give her a small win.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Nah, you don't feel you shouldn't feel bad about that. And also, she didn't really lie. She didn't say she did not put it there. She wasn't asked that she was gonna put it there or nothing like that. Yes, some sticklers might call that a lie of omission, but in my book that was that was exactly what Anna needed.

SPEAKER_00 38:29

I think OP's very sweet and very empathetic to the plight of this uh young uh person that she is having a d a bad day. And I think that's really good to see. I think that it's good to see that people are trying to be a little nice to each other. Because these days it's kinda hard for people to be nice to each other, I feel like.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

It's well, on especially when you look at things via the internet, you tend to see the worst. But yeah, even in person it it can be few and far between uh seeing heartwarming stories. Yes. No matter how small like this one is. I mean, technically that's small. Everyone has bad days every time any server will tell you you have bad days and you get absolute awful customers.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

I can imagine being a server.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

My wife used to be one, and I've heard some horror stories. I bet it's just being a server is rough.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Uh I always leave a tip. I've never not left a tip because being a server seems very difficult. Very, very difficult.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

I've left not left a tip once, and that was because the server didn't serve me at all. They came and took my order and they brought me food, but they refused to bring me water even if even when I asked, and there was a few other things like I don't want to get into it fully, but they did have a recent weird interaction with the server. Um no, I left two cents. Two cents.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

That was uh honestly probably worse than leaving none, but that's probably a little worse than leaving none, but we did have a server at a you know, a folk with a chow restaurant in in California when I went with my mom recently to visit. And we ate we ate and it was one server in the beginning, and then he just like disappeared for the entirety of a meal. Like I'm talking like a whole hour or something. But he didn't disappear home. He was just like walking around.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

But he just refused to come back to your table.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Like never came back. Weird. It was weird, dude. It was very strange. Very strange because usually like you know, they had annoy you, uh they ignore you on purpose or accident. But in this case, like the guy was just gone the whole time. So we like really didn't know who to live a leave a tip to.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

Right, yeah. It's it's hard for those times when I I've had those moments too, where you know you get the the server initially, and then they check on you like once over an hour, and then they bring you the check. It's like where were you? But but I was attended to by four other people during that time. Exactly. It's like that's that that feels gross to me, honestly. It's like the server I mean, yes, usually the server shares their overall tips at the end of the night, but still it's like, damn.

SPEAKER_00 41:38

That's odd. It's odd, but even if the server like had to do something else, and that's why the other servers came, it's I think it's just good to give some uh like to let the table know, like, hey, I'm gonna be going to break, or hey, I'm gonna be going to lunch, or hey, I'm I'm heading home for the day. This is your new server. I've had that plenty of times. Yeah, and that's completely fine. Um I think that's just unappreciated, but um regardless, I do know that servers deal with a lot of crap.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

They do. Some servers are certainly bad servers out there. I I'm not gonna say there isn't, but in general, servers deal with a lot more bad customers than people deal with bad servers. In my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

Uh yeah, that that very well may be true.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

And if you deal almost exclusively with bad servers, you might need to realize you're the common denominator. Exactly. So you you might just be a really bad customer. Yeah, maybe maybe you're the problem.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

But uh regardless, I commend the servers.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

Yes. Next one I'm pulling from our confession again, and it's by location time five three four eight.

Bathroom Vandalism And Getting Away With It

SPEAKER_01 42:54

I vandalized my elementary school's bathrooms. I was never caught. Okay, so I, twenty-seven male, have legitimately only told this story to three to four people in my life. I don't even think I've told my partner, twenty seven male, of almost five years, and if I have, it definitely wasn't in detail. I never got into much trouble in school. I was a talker and was loud, but I was never a principal's office regular. One time I did eat someone's birthday cookie in third grade, but honestly that was the most trouble I ever got into while in school. I was extremely sheltered growing up saying, oh my god, was treated like a cuss word in my house. I never watched Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, etc. I was also extremely shut off from current pop culture. YouTube, music that wasn't picked by my parents, video games only picked by them, etc. So I was looked at a little weird when I had no clue who Hannah Montana was, or who Justin Bieber was, or anything about Spongebob. It made me an easy target to bully and quite frankly left me out of a lot of conversations. In September of fourth grade, we had a school assembly. Our principal said that somebody had been scratching cuss words, like literally just f shit, damn, boobs. You know, big cuss words for elementary schoolers LOL into the stalls in the boys' bathrooms, and they had to be repainted. For context, these stalls just had layers of paint over them like a landlord special, so you could scratch into the paint with your fingernails. About a week later we found out two fifth graders had come forward and admitted to doing this. This honestly made sense because the kids in the grade above me throughout elementary, middle, and high school were always a huge problem. So, in the end, it wasn't shocking. Fast forward to late October, I don't know what gave me the thought, but while I was in the bathroom one day I scratched shit into the wall of the stall with my thumbnail. For me, this was huge. Mind you, oh my god was still a cuss word in my house. So in a very weird way this felt liberating in a sense. I never actually spoke the word, I just wrote it down. Now I wrote it down in the completely wrong space, but I think you get the point. I wrote down a couple more fams around the stall, flushed, washed my hands, and went about my day. I remember thinking to myself that I was so cool that I did that, and didn't immediately get busted. Cringe, I know. The next day the person who was sitting next to me in class asked me if I heard that more cuss words had appeared in the bathroom. He said he heard from one of his friends who used the bathroom before school started. I pretended like I didn't know what he was talking about. Our teacher didn't bring it up, but I was extremely nervous. I made sure I was extra quiet that day and always made sure my hand was raised and that I was called on before I spoke so I wouldn't be on anyone's radar. I didn't know what kind of conversation the teachers and principal were having or if they even knew. At the end of the day my teacher asked if she could see me for a second before I walked to the bus. I immediately thought I was busted. I could barely walk over to her desk. I sat in the chair next to her, and she just said, I noticed you were a little quiet today. Is everything okay? I missed your energy in class. I told her I just didn't sleep well the night before. Absolute lies. I slept like a baby, and that I was tired. She told me to get some sleep, and that she'll see me tomorrow. A literal tsunami of relief came over me. I went home that night and got great sleep again. Over the next few weeks I kept at it. I would ask to use the restroom, then I'd use the bathroom, scratch a f or piss into the stall wall and go about my day. Some days I would even risk it and go into one of the boys' bathrooms that were even further away from my classroom, just to scratch a couple cuss words into the stall and very quickly walk back to class. I legitimately don't know what made me start doing this, but at this point I couldn't stop. My elementary school also didn't have cameras except for the front door. Trust me, I made sure before all of this started. My teacher never brought it up to the class. I was shocked at how long this was going on for. Then, right before Christmas break, I found out from one of my friends that all of the fifth grade was sat down with the principal and their teachers and were talked to about the vandalism. Apparently they had already pulled the two people who had already done it into the office multiple times to question them about it. The entire staff at the school was convinced it was one of the fifth grade boys, purely because of how much trouble the entire grade got in. They never suspected anyone else. I was gobsmacked. I had actually gotten away with it for that long. I found out that the principal had given the two boys that had come in originally two days of ISS in school suspension.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

Now I did, however, have a conscience. I knew it would be absolutely wrong for the same two boys to get into trouble for it when they had nothing to do with it. They came back from Christmas break, the boys' bathrooms had a fresh coat of paint on the stalls, and the two boys were in their first day of ISS, and I went straight to work. I heard that, because of the nature as to why they got the got the ISS, they were to be escorted to the bathroom, and a teacher would stand outside the bathroom while they were in it to make sure nothing happened. I took this opportunity to go to the bathroom on the opposite side of the school and scratched six to seven cuss words into the stalls. Someone must have reported to the principal that day because the next day the two boys were out of ISS and in their regular classes. So they must have concluded that they couldn't have been responsible. Mission accomplished. About a week later and a week's worth of cuss words later the stalls in all three boys' bathrooms were painted over again, and my teacher had to have a talk with our class. I remember her specifically saying we were told as teachers to tell the principal if we had anyone we suspected, and I just want to let you know all know that I absolutely do not think it's any of you. I again was shocked that nobody had even suspected someone who wasn't in the fifth grade until now. I guess I had gotten a bit out of hand because the stalls were now getting painted over weekly. In March we had notes sent home, emails emailed out, but nobody had any clue who it could be. In April, our principal then went to every third through fifth grade classroom and told us that the damage caused was now over ten thousand dollars because of how many times the bathroom stalls had to be repainted by painters this year. Just as an aside, why wouldn't they just fill in the words with paint? Like why would they have to re s redo the whole paint?

SPEAKER_00 49:58

That is kind of crazy.

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 50:11

Yeah. That's tough on the maintenance people. Very just trying to work.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

I kept going. At this point, I think I thought of it as a game as to whether or not I would get caught. I did have a few close calls. One time we were at recess, one of the boys said he saw more cuss words in the bathroom. I remember a few of us walking in looking at them, and someone asked, How do they even do that? Without even thinking, I walked forward and blurted, huh, I don't know, maybe like this, and scratched a small straight line in the bottom part of a stall. I immediately froze. I thought I blew on my cover. But all the boys in there with me just said, Oh wow, I thought they were using some sort of tool. Yeah, they're never getting caught. Another tsunami of relief. I decided I needed to stop after this school year was finished, since the fifth graders were going to the middle school that year after. I figured it would be the perfect cover to stop. So on the last day of school I decided I needed to pull off a big one. While the fifth graders were outside having their fifth grade celebration, I snuck into the men's staff bathroom and went crazy. I spent five to seven minutes just scratching whatever cuss word I could into the stall in there. I snuck back out and back to class, and went on summer vacation like nothing happened. The following August we came back to school and every single bathroom had brand new stalls. These ones were made of a material that you could not scratch any sort of paint off of. I heard they were extremely expensive. And that was it. I was never questioned about any of this, was never suspected, looked at weird by the teachers or anything. Fifth grade came and went, and it was never brought up that entire school year. Seventeen years later, and they still have no clue who did all of this.

SPEAKER_00 52:01

That's a real criminal right there.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

Vile criminal action right there. Genuinely speaking, though, that provided this is true, that's that's a remarkably overblown reaction by the principal and teachers to full-on paint over that much to the c to the tune of ten thousand dollars. Now, alternately, it could have been the principal trying to uh use extreme guilt to get them to stop. Right. So he might he may have like straight up lied to the students to try and get them to realize how bad it was. I don't know. But that's pretty crazy.

SPEAKER_00 52:44

Either way, it does take someone to actually paint over or paint. Oh yeah. They're putting on the man hours uh job security, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 52:53

There is that. I mean that that would be That would be extremely frustrating on the maintenance slash janitorial side of things. Not to mention extremely frustrating for the principal and teachers who are trying to figure out how to stop it, because this isn't something you want to be happening in your elementary school.

SPEAKER_00 53:19

No, that's crazy, and constantly?

SPEAKER_01 53:22

Wow. Yeah. But at least they did stop eventually. But that a full s almost a full school year of doing that is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 53:34

Yeah, that's crazy work. And my confession isn't uh as long, it's it's kind of a short one. Too short one after that one. That one's pretty long. Uh it's by Throwaway Master Peas.

Going To Church For Food

SPEAKER_00 53:51

P E A S. I'm actually not religious, but the church keeps me fed. Oh. Lately I've found comfort in going to church. I'm not religious, I don't care about the sermons, I'm not there to pray. I go because it's the only place I can get a decent meal for free. Dang. I'm a nineteen year old female economic student who lives in a dorm that doesn't allow any cooking, not even a rice cooker.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

What the hell?

SPEAKER_00 54:26

So we have to buy from the stores and the eateries nearby. But even food there is a bit of a stretch for my budget. Especially with the price hike recently. Inflation. Since I'm relying on a scholarship a scholarship and a part-time job most nights, I'm just in my room eating plain white rice with soy sauce. I feel a bit guilty about it sometimes, but I've started timing my visits to whenever there's a community gathering or a service where I know they'll be serving food. It's the only time I can actually get something to eat with real protein. This person's starving. Besides, it's also the only place where I feel at peace. My life is just a stressful loop of working, studying, and counting every single peso. The church is quiet and cool, and for that one hour I don't have to think about my situation. The stillness just helps me clear my head.

SPEAKER_01 55:32

Well, I mean, that is honestly not that wildly different from a lot of people's desire for church and community. Not the food part, but the the peace and the quiet the uh the chance to step away and just to not think about your own problems for a while is a big draw for many people for that sort of situation. The food part? Well there's better reasons to go to church and there's worse reasons to go to church, so honestly, they're the parishioners are probably not entirely unaware that you tend to show up far more commonly when there's food to be had, but I doubt they're upset by it really.

SPEAKER_00 56:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 56:26

I mean As long as you're a pleasant person.

SPEAKER_00 56:28

As long as you're pleasant, yeah. Uh and uh some of the comments are kinda interesting too, like stating that if you feel guilty, there's some volunteer work that you could do.

SPEAKER_01 56:38

Certainly.

SPEAKER_00 56:39

Um even just cleaning up and stuff like that, they'd appreciate. I don't think that if you're hungry, the church is gonna turn you away, personally.

SPEAKER_01 56:48

Very few churches will.

SPEAKER_00 56:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:51

Especially in that sort of situation where you just straight up don't have the money or resources. I mean, even if you had the money to prepare your own food, you're not allowed to prepare your own food.

SPEAKER_00 57:06

Yeah, that's that's that sucks. That's uh rockin' a hard place.

SPEAKER_01 57:09

Yeah, that's pretty wild. So I I can't say I blame her, but maybe maybe do something to contribute so you don't feel so much guilt.

SPEAKER_00 57:21

Exactly. Yep. Couple an hour or two just helping out.

SPEAKER_01 57:25

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 57:27

That's your payback.

SPEAKER_01 57:31

My next one is actually a comment to another one, but it doesn't really relate to the original, but it's honestly better than the original, so I'm just gonna read it.

WD-40 Driveway Disaster

SPEAKER_01 57:42

And it is by Churlish underscore performer. When my brother and I were young, my grandfather had his old ruddy driveway replaced with a gorgeous, wide concrete one. It really did look absolutely perfect. He was a huge golfer also, and would often take the afternoon to go golfing. One day my brother and I wrote and bastard on his driveway in WD forty. We laughed and laughed. We really thought it would disappear in a few minutes. Nope. My grandmother came into the backyard where we were playing and dragged us up to the front to look at what we had done. The pastor is coming over for dinner tonight, god damn it, she screamed. She then called the nineteenth hole to get my grandfather home. He was livid. He looked at us and said the only way your father will not hear about this is if you can clean it off before the pastor gets here for dinner. You little Thankfully, grandma thought to give us Ajax and some nylon bristle brushes. With some elbow grease we were able to clean it up. Still, she came to inspect our work and then told us now sweep and clean the entire driveway, or I will tell your father the words you wrote on my driveway. To this day, I can consider this to be my most sitcom esque situation I've ever been in. I mean kids will be kids, kids will be kids. Um they definitely don't understand the uh chemical reactions of WD forty and such, so I I understand from a kid's viewpoint a spray like that when it dries up, it's it's it's just gonna disappear, right? It doesn't exist. I think just just about every kid at some point in their life has written uh a bad or dirty word or whatever in in water or or some sort of substance that they at the very least hoped would disappear. Or maybe in the corner of something that no one would really see. Just just to do it, you know. But WD forty in the middle of the driveway is pretty bold.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:02

I feel like they're friends with the other kid that did the scratching on the in the bathroom at school.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:08

I I don't think so. That that was that one was extreme. That one was a pretty extreme case. Also way more wordy. But also I it's it's funny that they would do that because the cleanup of WD-40, especially on concrete, would be quite the nightmare because WD-40 is actually not really a lubricant, it's a water displacement film, and so it's actually meant to keep water off of stuff. So to have to wash that off of concrete in all those ridges and crevices of a concrete driveway would be challenging. I can just imagine a couple of young kids having to scrub and scrub and scrub scrub for the case.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:01

It's work. And my last confession is under R slash silly confession by the Red Queen

Four Years Of Stolen Toilet Paper

SPEAKER_00 1:01:14

Theory. Oh another shorter one. I stole four years worth of toilet paper at my expensive college.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:23

Man.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:24

Four years.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:25

We're we're spending all kinds of time in the bathroom today.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:28

Yeah, a lot of bathroom talk. Uh not scratching F words, but uh getting toilet paper. Good. When I was seventeen, I got a scholarship to a very expensive East Coast school. One you may have even heard of. Anyway, since I was so poor, in addition to the scholarship, I had to work three part-time jobs while going to school full time. Dang just to afford a crappy basement studio filled with cockroaches.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:01

I mean, I'm sure they're glad they got the education, but that was probably some brutal years of their life.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:07

Hard times. I hardly had money for food, much less toilet paper. The fancy school always had tons of toilet paper, and I found through trial and error that if I used my tiny mailbox key to turn the toilet paper roll lock, it would free the roll. So every week I would go into stalls and just take one out of the two toilet paper rolls. I didn't want to leave anyone in lurch in the stall.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:35

Well, at least they were considerate and I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:37

Put it in my backpack and brought it home. The key even worked on those giant rolls they had, the ones that are like two feet in diameter.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:47

Ah the industrial.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:48

The industrial one play. Yeah. That's crazy. If I managed to nab one of those, it lasted me a whole month. But I'd have to sneak it out in a garbage bag because it was too big to fit in my backpack. I did this for it the entire four years of college. Graduated with honors, although my internal honor was blackened by fevery. I justified it to myself that the school was so overpriced and making so much money that they could afford to support the wiping of my ass for a few years.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:30

I mean, legitimately, yeah. Colleges are they they take a ridiculous amount of money.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:38

I still feel a little bad about it, even though it was over twenty years ago. And uh one of the comments is just a a gif of some lady going, good for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:54

Hey, I've known more than a couple people who got uh a worse result from college than having their butt wiped for free for the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:06

And much like the comments under that by Torin underscore Miyasama, I too did this. Only I found a key to a supply closet. It wasn't good tee, but it was free teepee. Also adding, it's that John Wayne toilet paper. Rough, tough, and don't take crap off of anyone.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:32

That is an excellent term for toilet paper.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:38

Yeah, that's what it is. That one ply stuff, yeah. Yeah. Sandpaper.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:44

Uh-huh. It's like it's like two steps up from just straight up brown paper bags. Yeah. And they're short steps.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:56

Oh man. That's funny. John Wayne toilet paper, I'm definitely taking that one too. I'm gonna have to keep that one in my back pocket.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:07

Alrighty, Alan. Now I'm gonna round out this episode with another confession also from Silly Confession, and I think we're gonna have quite the hoot from this one.

Bear Spray Chaos On A Hike

SPEAKER_01 1:05:20

It is by Grizz Drummer twenty-five. I accidentally bear sprayed my balls. What? TLDR at the bottom. My wife and I went up to see her family for part of the weekend, and my bro in law wanted to take me to his favorite spot, deep in the mountains. Hmm. He told me about it for years. How it's a crazy hard trek up to a stream and it ends in an amazing waterfall. I'm a photographer and wanted some great shots, so I brought my sling style bag that has a pocket on the side for water bottles. It's fall in the Rockies, so absolutely bear season.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:06

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:07

We get going up to the river and hit the first few logs we have to climb over. I hear a splash and look down and my bear spray fell out. I reach down and grab it before it can creep downstream, and the safety latch had come off. So I'm careful about how I grab it and gingerly try to place the safety latch back in place. The latch was upside down, sending an angry orange fan of spray directly into my arm. I immediately yelp and my brother in law turns back and runs to me to see what happened. Thankfully I was wearing a sweatshirt so it hadn't started to burn yet. I tell him what happened, and he starts coughing and is like, oh crap, yeah, rinse your arm off in the stream. Find a mossy rock if you can. So I strip my sweatshirt off and stick my orange painted forearm in the water and rinse it off. It seems like it's coming off a little and doesn't hurt very much, so I rinse a little bit more and put my sweatshirt back on. Mistake number one. And we keep going. My left nostril is burning and running a little. But nothing major. We laugh for the next mile or so at the ridiculousness of what just occurred and work our way upstream, having a frankly jolly time, my arm only occasionally feeling the sting of point blank repellent. And then I had to pee. Now, my natural motion, and probably most people's, is to expose with your non-dominant hand and aim with your dominant. My non dominant sleeve was the one that was maced. Now I have effectively no experience with bear spray. I've had this can for years, and this is only the second time it's been discharged, so I have no reference for how long it lingers in the air or its evaporation rate off of skin or materials. Or how transferable it is. My affected sleeve brushes my nether region, and we carry on upstream. It's not long before I feel a stinging. I'm like ooh, this is odd. A few feet farther and it's not going away, and it hits me. I effectively just bear sprayed my balls. By proxy, but tell them that I made the connection and we start laughing even harder at this stooge level of shenanigans that have played this plagued this adventure climb. I bend down and I grab some water and try to wash them off, only to discover later I was spreading it around. Yeah, this stuff is oil based, not water based, so if you don't have soap you would be doing that. Oof Oh no way. He says we're not far from the waterfall, and the stinging isn't bad yet, so we carry on. A few more bends and it's really starting to get to me, and it's starting up my stem. We stop on some logs and I'm like, I got a plank in the water. Give them a full wash or something. Well, which arm do I pull my pants down with again? And one guess as to whether I'm wearing the sweatshirt or not. No way. Now my full crotch is on fire. I need to make a decision now. We're almost to the falls and over an hour from home. Rock and a hard place. I apologize and say we got a boogie back to the car. He's like no apologies. I can't even imagine the feeling there. Cut to the car, I shed the infected clothes and switch pants. A few miles down the road, suddenly much more of my body is starting to feel like it's got a wicked sunburn. My arm spread down to my hand and pain is creeping up past my belt and my tummy feels burned. I pull up my shirt at a red light when we hit town and we'll we're both taken aback. My stomach is super red. I'm like WTF. Not only has it spread from anything coming even close contact with my arm, but open air or sun exposure through the windshield is making my arm so much worse than it ever was in the woods, even when it was still covered with the affected cloth. I call my wife and ask to talk to her aunt who I thought was in the military, and thusly would likely have experience with pepper spraying as part of training. Turns out she was not, and is confused my wife and mother in law as to why I had bypassed them and went straight to basically a third party opinion. They all start googling remedies. Dawn dish soap and milk are the top suggestions. I shower with Dawn and a shower poof, and yet again it feels like it's spreading before it's washing off. The little circle of heat that had been on my mustache area was not only slightly washing off into my mouth, but spreading over my face. Thankfully the burning in my eyes was just a dish soap, so it dabbed off instantly with a towel. I get out and it still hurts, so I grab the half and half out of the fridge and pour it on my burning wrist. It helps. So I run a little more up my arm, let it sit for a minute, and then dab it off with a towel. Well that's only a two minute fix, so I stopped by the grocery store for some aloe on the way to dinner. I find some emergency burn gel with aloe and end up admitting to the pharmacist that I didn't think I was in danger. It was just comedic incompetence. Wow. Looking back at it now, I can't help but smile and laugh at the pure absurdity of the entire situation. All the ups and downs of the day made it an absolute adventure, and shows a person exactly what they're capable of experiencing and enduring. TLDR. I learned that bear spray remains transferable from one surface to another for a very long time, and to remove affected clothing before peeing in the woods.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:08

Man. This guy went through his own personal hell.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:14

Can you imagine? You're an hour away, you're an hour into your hike, and your nether region is on fire. Man. Your arm is on fire, and various other parts of your body are beginning to be on fire, and you have an hour's walk to do back to the car before you can even start to address the burning.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:41

Man. After surviving this, um I wonder if we can ask, like, can't get any worse, right? No. Now you can survive anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:51

I I would imagine he has a much more uh cohesive understanding of where his limits are now.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:00

Yeah, and obviously he's been doing research on bear mace. He now works at at Big Five and he sells it.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:08

Oh man. What a what a fun way to learn, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:13

That's a crazy story, dude. I don't know if I could even confess that one, but after a few years you might be able to. After a few years of of therapy and traumatic, you know you're traumatized after that. Oh man. Very unfortunate for OP, uh, but I appreciate the life lesson.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:35

Right. This is a lesson I'm very happy to learn. This is a life lesson. Via text. Rather than experience.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:44

So thank you. Uh what was her name?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:46

Well their name was uh Grizz Drummer25.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:49

Grizz Drummer25. You're a champ. You're a champ, dude. Um I don't even think uh Carlos Olbrick could survive that. And he won a championship with one leg.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:03

Oh man, that should that should be the next variant of MMA. You get bear sprayed before you go in the ring.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:09

Who survives first? Who gives up? Crazy, dude. For that kind of thing, you have to keep your gloves up.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:16

Oh, yeah. Yes, you do. Alrighty,

Thanks For Listening And Subscribe

SPEAKER_01 1:14:19

y'all. Thank you for joining us for this episode. We really appreciate it. And any uh liking, sharing, or subscribing you do will be appreciated as well. And as always, have yourself a fantastic day. We'll catch you next time. See ya.