#010 Relentless Pursuit of a Dream - Bridgett Watkins

In this episode of The State I Am In, I sit down with Bridgett Watkins — Alaskan musher, ER nurse, wife, mother, and author of Marker to Marker. Bridgett takes us deep into her journey from childhood races in Fairbanks to surviving a brutal moose attack just weeks before her first Iditarod. We talk about grit, faith, and family — how she balanced chasing dreams with the realities of motherhood, and how failure 50 miles from the finish line fueled her return to the trail. From long training runs in Alaska’s backcountry to her motivation to press through fear that carried her through setbacks, Bridgett’s story is one of resilience and relentless pursuit of a dream. 

Whether you’re a parent, athlete, or anyone chasing a goal, this conversation will leave you inspired to keep moving forward one step at a time, and marker to marker. 

Purchase Marker to Marker on Amazon

Follow Bridgett on Facebook & Instagram

www.bridgettwatkins.com 

Transcript

Manny Coelho w/ guest Bridgett Watkins - Author of "Marker to Marker" 
After a grueling crawl up to the top, I finally saw the marker, just as I collapsed with exhaustion. Looking at the team, I noted that they were barely phased. It was just me, dying out of shape and out of breath. I looked down at my knee and thought it was holding up. It hadn't fallen apart yet. So we could do this. In search of the trail, I looked around, left, right, and behind me. Where was it? I couldn't find another marker to follow. Which direction I was supposed to go? Or which direction?

was I supposed to go. I lined the team back out on the correct trail searching. With noses lifted, my leaders smelled the trail. That's when my gaze followed theirs. To my left, I looked straight up at a trail nearly pointing to the sky. At that moment, I realized we were not at the summit. We still had one massive vertical climb. Before they could realize what they would have to do,

and keep everyone going forward. I quickly gasped for air, squeaked out the words, all right, let's go, let's do this. Like a cheerleader at a pep rally, I moved through the team, my voice loud and full of energy. Let's go guys, you ready? I called out, clapping my hands and giving each dog their moment. I ruffled ears, scratched butts and gave belly rubs to the ones who needed it, making sure every one of them felt the excitement. Their tails wagged fiercely, eyes bright and their paws danced in the snow as they fed off my energy.

My words were encouraging, whether I felt it or not, it didn't matter. They needed my excitement to become theirs. Come on, Flash, Munchy, Wonder, this is our day. I could feel the electric buzz building in the air, my heart racing to match theirs. Harnesses tightened, line snapped taut, and the tension mounted. The dogs yipped, barked, and jumped in place, their anticipation mirroring my own. Then, with a final shout, all right, let's go. There was no riding my sled or standing on the runners. I was behind it.

pushing it with every ounce of effort I had left in my body. I could feel my knee now and every surgical scar swelling. The pain continued to intensify until it went numb. All my focus shifted to that freaking mountain and getting to the top. Or were we going to go back down the hill again? And I knew.

or we were going to go back down the hill again. And I knew I wouldn't have the strength to make it up again. Pushing my sled from behind with all my force, the dogs dug in, their muscles grinding with raw power. We inched our way upward. I couldn't help but grin. I would lose my footing, slip and fall, trying to catch myself quickly, realizing I no longer had any strength left in either leg. I face planted right in the snow. The sled would start coming backward down the hill. It was so steep, the dogs simply couldn't pull if I wasn't pushing simultaneously.

It was the opposing force to our plummet below. I had seen where some people had taken booties off. Boy, I wish I had made that choice. It would have been a lot easier for them to get traction. Instead, I used my hook to move forward. Hurric and Brute held their positions in the wheel so tight as not to let the sled drag us down. I was now in front of my sled and started putting my hook uphill so that the sled could not slide backward. Now we were all a unified force, all pushing uphill. They would pull and

And we would inch forward, our shared effort pushing us higher and higher. Let's go, let's go, let's go. We're not stopping here. We're almost to the top. Come on guys, you can do it. We're almost there. My words began to mutter out of breath and all that was coming out was up, up, up. They knew the direction we had to go and it was at that moment that I felt like I had nothing left in my body. I had no physical ability to keep going as I begged for God's help. I knew people were watching my tracker and had seen my struggles. They knew something was happening and I hoped they were praying too.

Deep down inside, the strength I needed showed up, and we crested to the top. At the summit, the world opened into raw, untouched beauty, snow-barren ground, and we mushed.

At the summit, the world opened into raw, untouched beauty, snow-barren ground, and we mushed between sculpted, wind-packed snowdrifts between large rocks and boulders. There were no trees, no markers, just towering wood and tripods standing like silent guards to guide the way. The ridgeline stretched endlessly, high above the treeline, allowing a breathtaking view in every direction. The vastness of Alaska sprawled out beneath me, endless white as far as the eye could see. The winter landscape, harsh yet awe-inspiring in its untouched majesty.

We continued for the remainder of the 300 mile race. We went up over another massive summit across mountain ridges, traversed through valleys and crossed creeks, rivers and overflow. I went across lakes and slept beside my team while watching the Northern Lights at 50 degrees below. Eventually we mushed to our first finish line as a team. I had just completed a 300 mile race with my dog team.

Well, I think that sets the tone for my guest today. Me doing my best to read her words, probably not with the same energy or intensity that you did. ⁓ But Bridget, I'm so happy you're here, hanging out with me today. Yeah, happy to be here. Boy, that's intense to start off right there. That brings back a lot of memories. Hopefully not too much trauma to start off. ⁓ But seriously, I think that...

That kind of captures a lot of it. That wasn't even the Iditarod. No, that was just trying to get qualified to run the Iditarod. That was just the qualifying race. But I think it captures a lot of kind of what it takes and the things that happen. You already had an injury at that point. ⁓ You'd already barreled down a hill. Now you're working your way back up. You're finding the grit, the toughness to be able to push up to the summit. You get the sense of like...

just what it's like to be out in the Alaska wilderness by yourself. I mean, it's just you your dogs out there. And it just kind of sets the scene for kind of what you signed up for with being a musher and you had a kennel, you're a mom, wife, you're ER nurse. But to see that little sliver of your life, it amplifies kind of everything else that you have going on in some of the things we're going to talk about today.

I'm really thankful that you're here. ⁓ And one of the things that I thought of, I read your book just for everyone listening, I read this book called Marker to Marker. It's by Bridget, Bridget Watkins. And ⁓ you can actually find it, you can find it in a couple of places ⁓ locally if you're on the peninsula ⁓ and then around the state, I think. I know you've dropped it off at various bookstores. can get it online on Amazon, Kindle. ⁓ But one of the things that kind of

resonated with me after I left reading this was ⁓ actually a Tom Clancy quote, which I didn't know it was him that said this, but it was what came to mind after reading it. And it says, an overnight success is 10 years in the making. Well, something I like to say is, you're not made in your highlight reels, it's in the hard. Yeah. Yeah, it really is. That's where your journey is, is in the hard that nobody else sees. They're only seeing your highlight reels. They don't see what...

it took to get you there, right? Because they're seeing the finish line pictures and they're seeing the glorious moments. They're not seeing you crawl inch by inch up this mountain just trying to get to the top of it. Totally. that's what like, you know, for us, I was in Fairbanks. I kind of paralleled your time in Fairbanks. I mean, you've lived there for a while now, but ⁓ that's kind of where I was at is I knew you as an ER nurse. ⁓ I didn't know you as like...

Dogmusher. Dogmusher and like hardcore, yeah, just like the story, all the background stuff that, you know, maybe most people don't see unless you're in that inner circle, unless you're, ⁓ you know, part of the family. Yeah, it's hard to relate most people like when you're going through those things, but now that I've had the opportunity to look back, it's kind of perfect because that really parallels life, right? You have these...

obstacles that are in your way. have these big goals, these big dreams, and then bam, something happens and you have to learn to like pivot to the new direction, right? Because you never know what's going to happen and you're going to go off the rails this way or that way or you're going to have kids or you're going to change jobs or whatever. And then you're like, OK, well, how am I actually going to do that? And this journey was just part of a physical and even more mental journey than it was physical. So, yeah, and that's and the gosh, that's so that's exactly what I'm thinking. After reading that, it was

more than just the physical aspect of doing something hard, but the emotional toll that was there, the spiritual questioning and journey that was there in that aspect. It's like, it covered all, it checked all the boxes. Everywhere you could be challenged, I feel like there was one. ⁓ So again, thanks for being here to kind of walk us through some of this ⁓ journey with you. So I want to talk about kind of the early days. ⁓ You didn't grow up.

Well, it's kind of an interesting story. So you came from Arkansas, right? Yeah, at age six we moved up here. Yeah. And your dad was the one that was kind of the one that got you into mushing, is that right? Through ⁓ like a neighborhood or like a neighbor? Yeah, he's a super competitive person and, you know, as little kids in Alaska it's like, what are you going to do on the weekends? And he just happened to see in the newspaper ad like free huskies for sale and...

We just saw there was a local race track there in the community where you can race your sled dogs and it's a short distance and fun for kids and that's really what it was geared for. And you could start with one dog all the way up to six dogs and that's basically the mileage per dogs and your age kind of, the older you were the more dogs you got. And so that's how it started. was like, let's just go do this fun thing. And we start with Siberian huskies which are not fast dogs that people don't know, but, and then.

learned what fast dogs were and it just, you know, snowballs from there on. Gotcha. ⁓ Was your dad like, so was he having you, was he involved in mushing at all when you were real little or was he basically like for you and your sister, just kind of facilitating that? That's it, yeah. He was our trainer. Okay. Right? So like, you know, we're going to school but the dogs have to be trained and so he would run the dogs and then we would race them on the weekend and so he was really the one that was.

He did all the things. We got the glory. I think, know, had we known as kids how hard it was just to train, we probably wouldn't have done it. But him taking the hard out of it made us fall in love with the sport itself. then when I got older, I loved the sport and was able to put the work in because I had the love there. But if you had to put all of that effort that you don't even know as a kid that he's putting in, you know, I think it wouldn't have gone the same way. Tell me about...

As you got older, you were in Alaska, ⁓ got introduced to mushing, and then I think it was about 13 or 14 years old, you got the opportunity for the Arctic Winter Games. Yeah, in the state of Alaska, there's always Team Alaska that represents the Arctic Winter Games. basically, kind of like Youth Olympics a little bit for the winter sports, but it's from all over the world, and they have a different location every time.

when I was selected to go for the sport of dog mushing, it was in Yellowknife, Canada. And so, you know, that's an application process. You have to prove your kind of best in your sport, whatever it is. And there's everything from hockey to badminton. I mean, there was everything in sports related. And so we went for dog mushing. And what happened with that? Like, I think if you want to share the story of like kind of the foreshadowing aspect of... ⁓ so, yeah, my story is one of multiple...

sports injuries throughout my entire life. know, and I don't even know if I don't put, because my husband, when we were writing the book, he was like, you can't make this all about all your injuries. But way before that, you my very first injury was when I was 10 years old downhill skiing and I broke my hip. And so, I mean, it started there and then I had basketball injuries. And when we were doing the Arctic Winter Games, it was right after my first knee surgery from a basketball injury the following year.

I went and competed and it was a three-day event and on the second day I was loading a dog back up into the base gates kennel and I slipped and fell and just tore my knee back out. And so then it's like, okay, well, what are you going to do? You have one whole day to compete and how are we going to do this? And I wasn't physically able and my sister stepped in and actually went on to compete and we won gold and silver both. So it was pretty great. You talked about how that experience was kind of like

I mean, you like foreshadowing to the challenges that you would face with preparing for races in the future, like it's kind of had all the aspects of it. Like there was the injury and then... Well, I also learned from that that I never wanted to not be the one back on that sled that I didn't want to not be able to do it. I was going to put in the work to get there because, you know, that was my team that I had trained and prepared and now somebody else is running. Grateful my sister was able to step into it, but it kind of showed me like, no, you need to just kind of suck it up, buttercup and...

and make it happen if that's what you really want.

All right, so you got to experience the Arctic Winter Games and then shortly after that, everything kind of takes you, I don't want to say falls apart, but the trajectory you're moving towards with mushing and that whole lifestyle and really kind of coming into your own with it. And then all of a sudden it's like, hey, we're moving out of state. Do you want to talk about that at all?

Yeah, detour. My parents got divorced and so my mom decided to head south with us and my dad stayed up here in Alaska. He kept some sled dogs, but we went south and so that was kind of a completely different direction than we ever thought we would go, right? We went from the wilderness of Alaska to pavement in Phoenix, Arizona. And so that was a culture shock of all culture shocks of...

And you're a teenager trying to figure out life on top of all of that. So it wasn't easy, but it was just how life led you. And life's never gonna be easy. But through that, you actually ended up back in Arkansas, right? We did, yeah. Then we ended up going all the way back to where my mom was from and where I had actually been born. And that's when went to Arkansas and met my husband. so...

That started a whole new trajectory of was really cool. I'm glad you put the picture in the book of you and Scotty were on the same tee ball team. We were before I had moved to Alaska when I was six. My parents were actually his tee ball coach. And so there is that picture and I wasn't even old enough to play. And so I was just, you know, like the extra sibling and ⁓ I would play in the dirt while they were playing because he's a couple of years older than me and I was only three and he was, you know.

Six playing and so, or he was five, yeah. And yeah, we went to T-ball together and... That's funny. And then it just kind of... Like you met him at some point, 15, 16 years old? Yeah, when we moved back to Arkansas, I was 15 and then we've been... That's a lot of years. A of years, a lot of years since then. And then at some point, I'm trying to remember if it was after you were married or not, you...

You guys made, I think, a visit back to Alaska? Yeah, we had made some visits and my husband had come back up here and worked with my dad just doing some general construction, of course, fell in love with Alaska. then you finish college and you're like, oh, we have these degrees, what are we going to do with them? Where is life taking you? And the same thing I think every college kid says. we were broke college kids and didn't know where we were going to head and what we were going to do. And picked up the phone and said, hey, dad,

We're gonna move to Alaska." And he said, all right, when are you gonna be here? And so we decided, yeah, we were gonna move back and that's what we did. Because Scotty played baseball in college and simultaneously you were like going to school for nursing. I was, yeah, and I was fortunate enough to work as an athletic trainer. And so every time he would travel, I was able to travel with them and watch all their games and work as an athletic trainer and get paid while I was going to college. And so it was the perfect combination. Watched a lot of baseball. I know, I love that.

If you listen to the podcast, anyone knows I love baseball a lot. ⁓ Was it a hard transition, just the two of you going from, I'm assuming Arkansas was all Scottie knew, or at least being in lower 40, it was all he knew, knew that he liked, could like Alaska, but what was that transition, just kind of like you him versus the world? Yeah, was, young and dumb and whatever, we'll make it work. ⁓

you don't have anything holding you back. It was definitely harder on him because he had grown up in a small rural town in Arkansas, 3500 population, know, and he had gone to the same school from kindergarten through 12th grade with all the same kids. And so this was a huge change for him, you know, but I think going to college was that kind of first step of breaking away from that and then seeing what other opportunities there were. And then he, you know, he really fell in love with Alaska because he loves what Alaska is, hunting and fishing.

And it was us against the world and we're like, we're just going to go see where it takes us. And back we came. It took you to Nome? It did. Yeah, we came to Like of all places, like that's what I'm thinking is like, you know, maybe you go to, if you're like a real city folk person and want the easy transition, maybe you go to Anchorage, maybe you go to Fairbanks. Well, I mean, we did, but that was only because we got some hard nos in Fairbanks. We tried to work in Fairbanks and both being recent college graduates, the ER in Fairbanks wouldn't hire me.

Isn't that ironic? It's ironic because then I went on to come back, you know, and be a manager there and the people that didn't hire me were still working there and I became their manager. It's my favorite story ever. So you never know where life's going to turn you around. want to say you could forever hold that over them. I can forever hold it over them. We laugh about it now, so it's great. But yeah, we went out to Nome, which happened to be one of the best, you know, unexpected adventures of our life that I think really

took us places that we never thought were possible. It seems like a pretty unique experience. I don't come across many people that are like, oh yeah, I used to live in Nome. Yeah, and we went out there for a two-year contract because they were going to pay for my student loans and we ended up staying because we loved it. We fell in love with the country, the people, the culture, the atmosphere, all of it. And that's what we wanted.

everything was really at your footsteps. If you were an outdoors person, you could leave from your front door and go hunt. You just were there in the wilderness and that was everything we loved and small community. It was great. As we aged with children and family, it didn't provide the same opportunities, aka they didn't have baseball. The stuff that we grew up doing and loving and the opportunities weren't there.

One of the things we laughing about earlier was it in those early years, like the young and broke and trying to make it. You mentioned that Scotty was kind of, I don't want to say a hustler, but he was pretty handy with the online poker game. He did, yeah. That was back in the day when you could play online poker and make money at it. And he did, you know, he had a bachelor's degree and couldn't get a job, even a gnome. It was crazy.

And so he would play poker at night while I was working in the ER in the hospital and he would make more money than I did. And I'm like, well, whatever it takes. And then finally he did get hired at the bank. So he used those skills for something. But yeah, was, you never know where you're gonna go. That's for sure. I was joking saying that once that's out there in the book that.

Scotty probably gets a lot of invites to Vegas. like, hey, going to Vegas, Scotty, you want to join me at the table? Or not. Or not. I'm take all my chips. So two years in Nome, and then finally, you did end up back in Fairbank. So what was that? What kind of you there? Yeah, so we were six years in Nome, and then Scotty ended up working for the bank, and he just progressed his way through the bank. And really, his next level was to move back to town. And so if he was going to continue in his career,

We just decided with kids and being where we were in life, was just the right decision to make at that time. And so it moved us back to Fairbanks. So, and that's, I think, one of the themes that jumps out, or maybe it's not a theme, but it's a really, I think, relatable ⁓ aspect of your story is your journey as a mom. somewhere in, maybe it was in Nome or in the transition back to Fairbanks,

you still have this like dream kindling of being a musher and the opportunities that could be out there. Your dad, at this point, now you come back to Alaska and your dad's been like killing it in mushing and like is a well-known name and ⁓ him and, is it Ali? Him and Ali both like racing and doing well and so you're seeing all of that and you kind of have this like kindling dream there but then.

You're also moving into motherhood. Do want to talk about that? Well, before that even, so while we lived out in Elm the full six years, I actually flew back once a month all winter long and I actually mushed dogs with them. And so I trained with them. So I was helping them train these amazing teams and, you know, getting to be part of all of these races. And then I was actually racing. And so I was racing with them. And so they had enough dogs where we would run three teams in races. And so...

I was then going to sign up for Iditarodden because I had all my qualifings and it was just the next right step, you know? you know, living out in Nome, we were like, how cool would it be to mush home, you know? So you have this little dream planted in your head of like, okay, well, I've been a mush for my whole life and this is the next right step. And then there's that day you pee on a stick and it says positive, your life changes forever. And so that was kind of a, whoa, very big change in trajectory of our life was...

you you're going in one direction all of a sudden, it's like, nope, actually, this is what's going to happen. And when I ended up pregnant, that kind of stops your plans of moving down that trail. We definitely took a G or a ha. We were not going on the same direction then after that. And that's, think, a really relatable thing. think there's a lot of, I think men experience it in a different kind of way. I think

But there's a lot of women out there that know where their life was progressing and then one day they're looking at a positive pregnancy test and they're like, what now? Because there's kind of this crossroads of like, am I gonna be the mom that continues to pursue my dreams that I have? Or am I gonna be the mom that says, you know what, forget all of that, I'm just gonna focus on having a family? Am I gonna try to do both simultaneously?

Whereas a man, just from my seat, was like, ⁓ congratulations, baby, you're pregnant, we're having a baby. And then I kind of continue on with my, you know, I do make adjustments, but I probably am not gonna stop the current job that I have. Maybe I'm able to progress a little bit more easily to whatever goals I have. I think it resonates different with women, like pretty significantly. Yeah, I mean, it definitely does. And myself, particularly, I never thought I was gonna be a mom. I never...

had a desire to be a mom, which may sound weird, but that was just me. It was just like, well, know, it's not really like, some people are like from a little, from a young girl, they're like, I wanna be a mama. Like that was never me. And so it was even more of a shock because I was like, I'm not gonna be a mom, like what? And so that was never like even a forethought in my mind of like, this might be where life takes me, no, but it did. And you know, sometimes God's plan is much better than our own plan. And of course it is, so.

I'm going to read just a section from that time.

I didn't fully realize how much I had changed from my old self. Sometimes memories of my past life would tug at my heart, and I'd find myself longing for who I once was. But how could I feel anything but grateful? I had everything I had ever dreamed of and more. I had a life I never could have imagined. And somehow, it was even better than my wildest expectations. And yet, something still felt missing. Like many young parents, we settled into the daily grind. Work, childcare, naps, schedules, repeat. It was comfortable, but I couldn't help but wonder if this was all there was to life.

I wasn't unhappy, but I started questioning, is this who I've become? Is this what my life will always be? What does my future hold? Still, I pushed those feelings down, silencing that inner voice. I went about my days, repeating the same routine for months and years until the questions quieted. The longing was still there, just buried beneath the noise of daily life. I guarantee you, there's so many women out there hearing that and being like, yes. Yeah, that's a hard place to be.

because you've lost your identity, it's completely shifted. You don't know, like you don't even know how to speak that because I don't think when you're living it, you don't realize that's what it is. And you get so lost in the day to day. And that's where I found myself. ⁓ It says, during the busy years of caring for an infant and juggling toddler heard of, I began questioning my belonging and who I was as a wife and a mother. I was now staying at home and no longer working outside the home. Short of keeping my family alive, what purpose did I serve?

And doing what? Who was I? That question loomed over my mind. I didn't realize that I was growing a volcano about to erupt. I said, I miss mushing and being back on the sled. I still went to nearly every race and finish line for my folks. We took Timber to his first race at the Copper Basin when he was under two months old. I carried him on my chest as a mere spectator now. I had never felt closer to, yet so far from being on the sled. So, like, I think that, ⁓

You have these things that you love, obviously. You have this dream, this thing that's a part of your life. You're going through this transition of like, I didn't necessarily have these high hopes to be a mom, but here I am, know, trying to be the best one that I can be. How do you mesh those two worlds together successfully? I guess like, did you learn how not to do it? And then maybe how to, what did you come away with trying to bring those two worlds

14 years nearly since that. And of course, you've learned a lot. What I thought was my biggest stumbling block to my dream became the exact reason why I've had to complete my dream. My kids are now my everything and it's 100, 300, mean, completely around. What I thought stopped me now is what I'm searching for. And so I was given the opportunity to...

lose myself to then find myself again and really learn what mattered most. And luckily I was given the opportunity to reach my goal and my dream with my kids and my family involved. But that's a really hard chapter and it's a brief, very, very high level overview of what happened those hard years of our life. And it's titled perfectly, that title is Fracture Line, because our life literally fractured those years. ⁓

And it was hard because we lost who we were both individually as a couple, as parents. You don't know where you're going, what you're doing. Is this all it's going to be? Like every single day, it's just the same thing over and over. you lose both Scotty and I were very adventurous people. We were always out and going and doing and no times and no schedules and wherever the wind took us basically. now it was everything opposite of that. So a lot of couples would come to that crossroads and maybe be like,

You know what? Maybe this isn't going to work out. I'm going to say that my dream is more important than maybe the family and they pursue that in part ways. ⁓ What was it that kept you guys together and saying, we can make this work? Yeah, it was faith. That's it. Trusting in God and our beliefs go pretty deep. so there had to be a reason for this. And even sometimes what you can't see is going to go so much farther. And we just kept

walk step by step by faith, that's all we could do is like, know, these children are gifts from God and we know that they have a purpose and they are my priority. Whether I want them to be or not, they are my priority. ⁓ And that grew into a different kind of love that I didn't know I could have or was going to have. Yeah. I think that's, like I was saying earlier, I think that's just a message that would resonate deeply with people because I think it's something very...

We all cross that bridge. If you love someone deeply and you have goals and aspirations, you're gonna come to that crossroads or have that tension. You are. And it's just, what are you gonna do when you reach Yeah, if you're married, it's gonna happen. Yeah, totally. And if you stay married, it's gonna happen. So you guys made it through that season. I hate saying it so flippantly because it's like a period of life that was super trying and in a long time.

just to say like, and then that wrapped up, next page, you but ⁓ you did kind of come around to getting back on the trail with the goal in mind of you're doing the I Did A Rod. Yeah, but it wasn't a day and night decision, right? You know, it took lots of years of like, how is this actually going to work out? Like, are we even going to be able to do this? And most of the time our answers were, I don't know, like...

I have no idea. Basically, you just have to take one step and if it works, it works. You keep stepping that way and if it doesn't, you're like, well, okay, maybe we need to go this way. And I being flexible was the key and being gracious with your partner, with your husband or wife and realizing like, okay, well, if this doesn't work for him or I, we're going to have to go a different direction. And that has to be your priority because if that's not your priority, then your foundation will crumble and then nothing you're working for is going to work. So that was kind of our...

The biggest thing is just being super gracious with one another and being honest and being like, no, like, okay, we have kids. Yes, like that is a thing. But I still have these dreams. I still really wanna do this. How are we gonna make this work? And most of time it was like, I don't know. I don't know how it's gonna work. And that's where we took it day by day. And so that was, yeah, that was a solid five, seven years of our life. So yeah, it wasn't just a page turn. And I think that's what you want it to be. You want it to be like, okay, it's gonna get easier.

But having little kids is hard. Like regardless of what your dreams or your goals or your aspirations, if you're gonna be the parent that you want to be, those things have to take a back burner. And that was hard. I think the other aspect of this that I realized as I'm reading through this is it's a different being, like the life of a musher, of having a kennel. So we'll talk about you starting kennel on a hill. That's a whole lifestyle.

Like it's not just like, we're going to travel a lot. Yeah. And have a couple of pet dogs. Yeah. Or ⁓ I'm trying to think of like, you know, the normal challenges that people would face of like, the kids are really busy or I work a lot. But like having a kennel is like, there's a whole new lifestyle. And you guys experienced that from like the house, you know, that you were in to that, you know, the issues that you had with like the zoning of how many dogs that you could have and ⁓ just the financial aspect that comes comes with that too.

It seems like a next level kind of commitment as a family. Like it's already going to be hard and that takes it to another level. it is. It was was that and more, especially for my husband, right? Because he wasn't raised with dogs. So he didn't know or understand that lifestyle. Like I understood it because I grew up with a dog team, but I didn't understand it as an adult and what it was going to take. And, know, you never do. And so that's why we started out really slow. And it was like, OK, yeah, we'll get two dogs. And then I was like, well, there's

there's one more puppy I want. then, you know, it just slowly progressed and it's like, okay, well we can do this. And we really took it one step, one day at a time. And we didn't fully commit because we wanted to make sure like our questions were what everybody's questions would be like, how are these kids gonna get to school and you're gonna be out running dogs? Like, how is this gonna work? And it's like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Like, can I run dogs and still pick up kids from school? I have no idea, you know? And so it was just figuring it out as we went because

There wasn't and there aren't a lot of mom mushers. Like that's not a thing because it is really, really hard to be a woman and a mother and a wife and a career and have a dog team. You don't see many that have all of those aspects. And so we were kind of breaking trail on our own a little bit trying to figure out how this was going to work. And we definitely screwed up a lot, but we figured it out. figured it out. Yeah. How important was... ⁓

You saw your dad race countless times and finish in Nome. ⁓ There's a scene that I'm recalling from the book where you're on his tag sled and just what that... One, what is the Iditarod like? So you're kind on this journey of working towards completing your first one. But for maybe people that don't know, I actually have never been to a ceremonial start at the Iditarod. And after reading this, I'm like, we have to go. It sounds like it's pretty...

It's pretty epic, pretty amazing. is pretty epic. It's like the most organized chaos you can ever imagine with thousands of dogs like barking and exciting. It's like the Super Bowl of dog mushing. Or you think of like NASCAR and all the loud engines.

do that with the dogs. And so you have all of these dogs and all this excitement, you have fans and spectators and families, and then you throw a few helicopters going overhead and they're filming you and you have TV film crews. And so it's just a lot of activity and excitement. It's just such a good vibe and feel for the state in general. And so when you're part of that, you get to feel that excitement. And when you have what's called the ceremonial start, it's just like a little jaunt 12 miles through downtown Anchorage just to

recreate kind of what Iditarod was all about. It's really the only place that spectators can be on the Iditarod Trail. And so for miles and miles, there are people lining the trail and they're everywhere. They're having bonfires and parties and drinks and there's bands playing and people are playing trumpets announcing you come by. I mean, it's just crazy. And so you can't but feel the excitement. There's two sleds.

And in those sleds, the first sled is the musher carrying a sponsor and the second sled is usually a handler. And my dad, his first year to run Iditarod, he asked me to be his tag sled. And that's like the biggest, most ultimate yes. Like that is a coveted position to be in. And so I got to run that with my dad. I, you know, from the first time I ran that, I was like, wow, I can only imagine what it would be like to be the one on the front of that sled. It took a lot of years to get there.

And it would only be right when my day came. My dad was the one that rode my tag sled. Yeah. And I kind of want to talk about getting to your, who in those roles did reverse a couple of challenges before then. But I do want to touch on your relationship with your dad, because like I was telling you earlier, reading it as a girl dad myself, you know, like I have an 11 year old daughter and reading about your relationship with your dad.

and kind of his role in kind of guiding you early on, him kind of running ahead with something that you were passionate about as well, including you with raising dogs and having a kennel and seeing him do that. Can you talk about maybe the qualities of your dad that stand out to you the most that...

were the most impactful for you growing up. Yeah, he was super competitive and so was I from sports perspective. But you know, just your never giving up attitude, like you can, like you have to have a you can attitude regardless. And I think that came from his competitive. He was a college athlete and played basketball and football as well in college. And so I think that just...

trickle down to us and so whatever you're doing, it's yes, like it doesn't matter how hard it's gonna be, it's gonna be hard, like whatever it is in front of you. And that was probably the thing that stuck with us the most and so whatever that dream is, you're gonna have to work for it, but you can do it. You might be a little miserable doing it, but it'll be worth it at the end. so, the biggest thing with my dad is he was always there and he was always present in...

from he was my basketball coach to he was the one helping train the dogs. He was my truck driver driving the dog team everywhere. He was there, he was present, he was available, he was the one that was at the finish lines. He was the one that was cheering and putting the medal around your neck when you won your basketball championships. It's being present and being visible I think is so important. Yeah, I think that's...

and emulating doing hard things is okay to get to what your goals are, which I don't want to say, I don't want to give a blanket statement saying kids aren't doing hard things anymore, but I feel like they're doing less. They are. For sure. You know, it was as simple as my dad going, getting prepared and watching him get prepared to go sheep or goat hunting. And, you know, he's like, no, I got to go.

hike this mountain with 50 pounds on my back and do you want to go with me? And I would, and I'm like, you're crazy. Like, what are you doing? But just seeing like, no, I want to go hunt. And so to be able to do that, you have to prepare for that. And it's going to cause a little misery, but it's going to reach the goal of bringing home. And, you know, then I see him bring the goat home and it's like, well, I guess that was worth it. That effort was worth it, you know, and being part of those things, you know, and being a girl dad, he didn't let the quote girl in me, stop me from anything. You know, I went,

hunting and fishing and I went to every bear and moose and you know there wasn't an animal I didn't hunt with my dad and so being able to go and see and do those things I think shaped who I was. That's awesome. That was the story behind the story that I was looking at as a dad. like what did your dad's name is Alan right Alan Moore ⁓ and if you look him up you'll find a bunch from him mushing and stuff like that ⁓ but I was curious myself of like what notes could I take from you know how

Be there, be present. Be there, be present. Take her everywhere. Everything you do, she's gonna wanna do. Which is perfect because you had more than enough opportunity to like... Use all those skills he me. of those skills. All the way down to, you know, I mean, it's the simple things, right? Like the morning that we were starting Iditarod, he was literally sitting at the coffee table and we were practicing tying knots together.

Like that was, was like, okay, you may have to tie this knot. Like make sure you know this. You know, it's just everything. So I'm going to read about this, the, the attack chapter real quick. Just the intro. even before this, you got ran over by snow machine. Yeah, I did. So you're already kind of like broken and bruised and tattered a little bit. ⁓

And then this, this is just, you wrote this so well, this intro to this chapter. ⁓

With a nearly thousand pound animal mere feet from us, his breath billowing up, I could hear him panting. His adrenaline pumped through his body, ready to trample me as my heart pounded against my chest. Blood poured down my arm as I tried to unjam the gun. Bright red drops splashed onto this dark white ground. Where was I injured? I felt no pain. My mind focused. Fix the gun, kill the animal, stay alive. The only question lingered, who was going to die first? I think as Alaskans, we're pretty accustomed to seeing moose.

And I think we all know that what they're capable of when they really want to be ticked off and do some damage. ⁓ Sometimes we get too comfortable with them because we'll see a moose just sauntering through the yard. if you've ever seen one like really ticked off and really wanting you to leave, you know how aggressive it can be. then with just how giant they are, you know, the type of damage that they can do. so you want to talk about that run that you and Jen were on. And ⁓ I don't know, just kind of that.

That story summed up a little bit. Yeah, know, any animal or human that's provoked is going to lash out, right? You know, I think that's what you have to take into account. And we were just on a typical 50-mile run that we were doing three weeks before I did a rod. And we came around a corner and there was a moose, which is not uncommon for mushers or anyone that's in the wilderness to see animals. And typically they will run off.

You know, they are scared of you, you're scared of them. Like, it's a very respectable, like, I see you a long ways. I'm going to stop and give you space. You're going to do your thing. I'll wait here until you leave. Which we did, and we did multiple times. And ultimately, what we didn't take into account those days were the number one factor, which was the weather and the snow that had occurred. And so we had a record snowfall that year, and you couldn't get off any trail that was made. Human, animal.

because if you got off the trail, you just sunk and you couldn't move. And there was a lot of moose activity that had happened with wolves in that area, where actually there had been multiple moose kills from wolves and they had been chased. And we strongly believe in that five mile radius, there had been five moose killed. And so we strongly believe that those moose had been chased by wolves because the wolves had the upper hand.

that year because moose couldn't run through the snow. And we'd had some weird things happen where it had rained and it had frozen and it had cut all the moose's legs. And you could like see moose that were walking had these massive like gashes on their legs because there was this ice layer in between the snow. So weather was a huge factor, but we were just on a typical run and this moose did not give trail and we couldn't turn around. he ultimately, very long story short, he attacked us and...

The gun that I had was not a lethal weapon, which we knew because we typically don't carry a big weapon with us because, you know, if you have something with a hammer and we're falling and hitting trees and you just worry about it going off and shotguns are so huge and, you know... So we didn't have a... I didn't have a lethal gun with me and I knew that. It's more usually you shoot and they just take off running, whatever the animal is. ⁓ And so when the moose was coming barreling at me, I knew that I had to wait and, you know, take that shot very carefully and wait till it got really close and it got close enough that...

my gun jammed and he was coming over the top of me and ultimately I turned and covered my head thinking that he was about to run over the top of me and I could hear his breath right behind me and he got tangled in my dog team instead. And ultimately they sacrificed themselves and saved my life. ⁓

We didn't have a weapon to put him down. I ended up getting my gun unjammed and shooting him the rest of the time. It just three feet in front of me. He then left the dog team and then came straight at me. It was a stare down for an hour before we could get somebody there that had a rifle that could put him down. I mean, and the damage to your dog team was pretty significant too, right? Yeah. You know, they were...

They were underneath him being trampled for nearly an hour and that doesn't come unscathed, that's for sure. ⁓ The picture of the moose just kind towering over the... It's just helpless. mean, what can you do? Nothing. And that was the worst feeling in the world, is there was nothing I can do as they sat there and looked at me just helpless and... ⁓

they would, if they made a move or if they barked at all, he would just stomp them again. And they just looked at me and I just tried to keep them calm. That's all you can do is, you know, I just talked to him. I was like, just don't move. Just sit there. Just sit there. You know, we just, it was horrifying really. You know, you just are helpless. Someone else was able to come and put the moose down, right? Yeah. With a bigger, with a bigger gun. a rifle. He had a rifle. Yeah. And this was three weeks. Three weeks. Before they had Diderot. Three weeks.

So what do do after that? Yeah, what do you do? Yeah. ⁓

Again, I'm gonna read this section because you do such a good job of putting these emotions just kind of succinctly and really well said. It would be easy to give up. I had an excuse. Everyone would understand. Nobody expected me to go back out and run. They certainly never thought I'd run the Iditarod, which was just a few weeks away. I could use this as my scapegoat. It was my out.

I never had to get back on the runners again. I could tell people how horrific it was and they would believe me. They would accept my defeat. That would be the end of my story. A girl that tried but just couldn't do it. She was too scared from the attack. Fear won. Was that the line I was really going to settle for? Was this how the story ended? There was only one person who could make that decision. Me. It was. It was incredibly hard, you know. Everything in me wanted to quit. Everything, every ounce of my body. There was

Zero desire to ever get back on a sled. I never wanted to even get back on the sled. I didn't even want to go up in my dog yard because I felt so guilty for what I had allowed to happen. ⁓ Not carrying a lethal weapon. There's just all these things that go through your mind of like, it's my fault, I shouldn't have done... You start second-guessing yourself and then the fear sets in. Fear speaks a lot louder than anything else and if you allow it to, it'll ruin your life.

had to make a decision of, you know, was I gonna run or not ultimately? And my husband said, well, you know, everybody was asking and he's like, what are you gonna do? And I was like, you know, I just don't know, I don't know. And one day, a couple of days after that accident, I went up to my dog yard for the first time, you know, and I was feeling terrible. I didn't even wanna see him, you know. I had so many people there helping me take care of dogs. We were going in and out of the vet. I had like a whole mobile vet clinic in my...

in my garage and I finally went up to the dog yard that the dogs that were minimally injured and to my surprise they were happy and they were wagging their tails and they were like, hey, what are you doing? Like, why are we not running? Like, we've been training all this time. Like, what's up? You know, and I went up to them and they were completely unfazed. And I'm like, what is wrong with you? And, know, in return they're like, what is wrong with you? And I was like, I'm clearly not okay still, you know? And so...

It made me just sit there and think and I sat on my mainly dog's house and just petting her and you know, she's licking me and just as comfortable as can be and just ready to be put in harness and it's like, why have I trained and done all this and I'm not gonna do it? You know, like I wasn't called for easy. And so I walked back in and my husband was still drinking a cup of coffee and I said, well, I'm gonna do it. And he said, I never doubted it. That's awesome. And so...

You have to make that decision. But with that, when you step into that fear, that's when the hard happens. Because it didn't get easier, it just got harder. Because when you step into your fear and trust in the faith that you have that this is the direction you're supposed to go, then you're faced with these things that you've never encountered before. I had panic attacks a lot, which I had never had anything like that in my life. I had never had anxiety. It came on full force in a way that I didn't even know was possible. I was waking up with nightmares and...

you know, the fear I had just to get on the back of the sled where I was physically like vomiting and having panic attacks on the sled, you know, was just almost more than my body could actually, I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. And, you know, I would be having my moment on the back of the sled and the dogs look back at you and are like, what is wrong with you? And I'm like, just ignore me, I'll be okay back here. And they're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, know. And their confidence and calmness, I think is what allowed me to be like, you know,

they've got this. Like I'm the one losing my marbles here. They're like, you're crazy woman. And I'm like, I am, I really am crazy. And so I think you have to step into that fear and deal with it or you'll never get past it. And I knew that I didn't want to look back on my life and wonder what if. And I was the only one that was going to be able to change that because if I never tried, then you never know. But I had to at least try and see if I could do it. And you know, I got back from the first run and

My husband said, well, how did it go? And I said, terrible, but I didn't die. I mean, like, what am I ga... What am I gauging it toward, you know? Like, if I don't die and I'm physically able to do it, why wouldn't I do it? And so that's where I held the bar, is like, okay, I'm gonna probably vomit and I'm probably gonna have a lot of panic attacks and there's gonna be a lot of tears and I'm gonna nearly die, but I'm not, and so I can do it. You know, and so it pushed me to a new level, which later on...

I was gonna need. Yeah. I think the part that you bring up saying that, not society, but like your friends, your family, your coworkers, they would have patted you on the back and be like, it's okay, I totally understand, I get it. And they would have been okay with it, and a dream would have just silently died because of other people's, know, basically acceptance of you throwing in the towel. So it was all on you to be able to say,

I'm gonna deal with this, I'm gonna push through this fear. Yeah, and not only that, but then you actually get repercussion from that because then I got the hate mail of like, how are you doing this? Why would you do this? Like, didn't you see what this just caused? Like, are you sure this is what you're wanting to do? Is this too much? I mean like, flip side of it was really ugly, like so bad that I didn't even check social media or my emails. Like I was getting legit hate mail and even death threats. Like, well, cause this story made it like national headlines, international. I was like Fox News calling me on my phone.

And so it was, you you don't see the flip side of that and that I had to shut off. Like I couldn't let that be any. So I actually had really great friends that just took care of that for me. And I never looked at any of that stuff. You know, they posted all my social media. They answered stuff. didn't even, because it was too much for me to handle. I think you have to know where that line was. And, you know, I was willing to do this thing and go for it. And that's what I did. Yeah, that's amazing. How did you pull it together in three weeks?

to still make the Iditarod. And which dogs were still... I'm trying to remember how many dogs were still able to had 13. So I had 13 that were going to be able to run. Yeah, and I had to start with 14. And so I didn't have enough dogs. And so that was the whole thing. was like, okay, once I made the decision, well, how are you going to actually make this work? And that's a total God thing. Because then I started having people reach out and said, well, I have trained dogs, know, other mushers. And they said we'd be...

happy for you to run our dogs. And they were gracious enough to loan me dogs to train with for the next two or three weeks and then ultimately put their dogs on my team or I wouldn't have a team to start with.

This is 2022. Yes. And we're like fresh off COVID. You had some qualifying races that were already, I'm trying to remember when the attack happened, were the qualifiers already done? Yeah. Okay. So you were just basically next thing was I did a run. It was it. Stuff was already packed, already on the trail. My drop bags were out there. It was like go time. So talk about like leading up to race day, I guess. And now you're the one in the like...

basically starting off what you had seen your dad do over and over again. Yeah, I was ready, but I was terrified. And I think it was not necessarily the trail. I felt super prepared. My parents, I couldn't have had better mentors, right? Like I knew in my mind, I had heard stories of the past 20 years of Iditarod. So I felt like I already knew the trail.

And on top of that, I had a detailed list that they had made out for me of literally, okay, you're gonna see this creek and look to the right to get water. But you know, like I knew everything and I had that in a laminated sheet. Like I was so prepared. But I just felt like I was never gonna make it to the starting line. because I kept, the moose attack happened, but then I still had stuff happen. I was headed to the starting line and literally my truck wheels fell off. I mean, it was just like one thing after another.

I called Allie, who's my stepmom, and she's like, are you, like, you need to just get on the trail. And I was like, I just need the race to start. Like, I just need to get on the trail. And so that's all I could see was like getting to the starting line. And that was my focus was I just want to get to the starting line. And I think that's where my race honestly ended was at the starting line, because I never looked past it. And so that first race,

It was the most glorious 950 miles and I call it a magic carpet ride because most mushers don't have that, but it was perfect. Like everything that had gone wrong went perfect for 950 of the thousand miles. And it couldn't have gone any better, but then it got significantly worse. Yeah, so at 950, then this storm, this storm shows up and once you just kind of...

the best you can give us a synopsis of that. Kind of like the Moose Attack. I read that like a movie, honestly. That's what it sounds like. It just sounds like this miserable, I'll just let you go ahead. You can't make it up. That was the whole thing of writing this book. Everybody was like, can't even script all these things that happen. I was like, you're right. You couldn't script it. We were on our very last run and there were some wins that kicked up. thought, oh, they're going to go away. The win did not go away and it continued to intensify what

became, you know, once in a century storm or we had 80 mile an hour winds and we couldn't even stand up and they're like, it's as strong as a hurricane. And, know, we got caught in the middle of it and in Western Alaska, there's no trees. It's just barren land. So there's nothing that you can hide behind and you're just exposed and you're out in the middle of it. And, you know, you've gone for 950 miles and you've been on the trail for 12 days. I mean, you are trail hardened and you're tired and worn out and your family's at the finish line and your mind is like, I'm on my last run. ⁓

But that didn't happen. We got stopped where we could not physically go anymore. We couldn't stand up. You were getting knocked over. The wind would physically turn your sled over. Your dogs couldn't stay on the trail. would push them off the trail. As you had to stop, you didn't really have an option. I couldn't even walk in front of my team because I couldn't stand up. It just would throw me to the ground. A lot of hours and a lot of heartache later, we were...

trying to ultimately get our dogs out of this situation and we had built a snow cave and we had put dogs in there and really were just fighting for survival. I was with myself and another musher and the winds had intensified so much that I was ultimately afraid that either one of us or the dogs were gonna perish in this storm, that it was not sustainable for life anymore. And ultimately at that time you have to make a decision of what's better yourself.

in your team or your pride. And so one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make was to say, you know, I need help and I need this is this is not going to work. so 950 miles into my thousand mile race with my family at the finish line, I did something I didn't think I would ever do. And that was push the SOS button, which means your race is immediately over and you're disqualified and you are not an finisher of the Iditarodden.

That was one of the most disheartening moments of my life. when I quit, I'd never quit anything in my life. ⁓ And so that was, there were so many emotions going into that. And it didn't stop there, but when we realized the storm was too severe and that search and rescue couldn't make it out to us because the winds were so bad and it was flipping over snow machines, we knew we had to get our own dog teams out.

trying to get dog teams into a safer location. know, the musher that was with me broke his leg and I broke my collarbone and tore up my shoulder and you know, then it just went from bad to worse. He went into shock and we, you know, they had to get him out in a helicopter. This is Gerhard? Yeah. Is that his last name? Gerhard, yeah. No, his first name is Gerhard. His first name is Gerhard? And so, you know, we...

We only made it out because my husband came through the storm against all odds. He was standing on the front of his skis with the snow machine windshield being ripped off and they lost their sled, their tone behind him because it just got ripped off. And it was just terrible, but he fought through it and got to me. And so I knew sitting there that my father and my husband were 50 miles away and I said to Gerhard, said,

they're not gonna let me die. Like, they are not gonna let me die out here. And he didn't really understand the severity of the situation, but myself living out in Western Alaska, I know these are the storms that people succumb to. Every year people die and get caught in storms and like that. And we found ourselves right in the middle of one. Yeah. That scene of Scotty coming up with snow machine is just like... It was pretty intense. Oh my gosh.

So I'll be honest, I didn't know that you didn't finish your first Iditarod. Even though I had just recently moved from Fairbanks to the peninsula. So I knew you, I knew that you had a candle, knew that you were training for it. I had no idea that you didn't finish that first Iditarod. Just again, as a spectator on the outside. So when I'm reading you pushing the button, I was like, what? I was like, seriously, is this how this ends? Because it's...

It sets up like in my mind, I'm like, oh, this is just an awesome Cinderella story of like overcoming the odds. And she's in the Iditarod. And now she's going to, you know, make this epic push through the storm. No, no, it didn't happen that way. It doesn't end that you always wanted to. So for me, I'm like, what did I miss? Because I'm like. I was I was pretty devastated there with you, I obviously not with you, but like just reading the story, I was like, you probably had to take a break at that moment, didn't you? Yeah, I was like.

Well, what now? And I think that's actually the title. Don't ever ask that question. I've learned that. Like, what else could go wrong? Something else is gonna go wrong. But it was a surprise. It was a surprise to me.

And I'm not gonna read that section. You did a great job of explaining that, but it's pretty devastating. And I can't imagine what you were feeling because you're like, okay, do I... Defeated, you know? It's like, why am I doing this? Are you kidding me? I went through all of this to scratch 50 miles from the finish line. I've never scratched... I've never quit anything in my life. And now this is the most visible, epic...

Defeat of my life. Like why did I just put myself and my family and everybody through all of that to just quit 50 miles? know and you just feel so and then the guilt of you know of the of the dogs You know like the dogs have no idea like why this all went on and I've just put them through like why am I like you just question Why so much at this point in your life? Well, and like the experience of being caught in that storm was terrible, of course, but

now you're living with the choice that you made, like how long, like what type, what period of time were you dealing with that, ⁓ you know, like guilt and, you know, regret or whatever emotions came along with having to actually ⁓ scratch and then how long did it take for you to come out of that? It didn't until I crossed the finish line.

for the next time around. Yeah, when I... So, when I scratched, I got back to Gnome and I was sitting on Front Street one night by myself, I don't know how that happened, and there's a picture, and I think that might be in my book, there's a picture of Front Street and at the end is the finish line, and I sat there crying, realizing what it was gonna take to get there, and I didn't know if I had in me what it was gonna take, because I had given it my all. Like, I was like, I can't... Like, what else...

What else are you going to take from me to get to this finish line? Like, why am I, you know, I don't know. And I took this picture and it was my screen saver for the next 365 days to remind myself every single time I picked up that phone of the sacrifices and the effort it was going to take to get there. Because I didn't want to ever think it was going to be easy. Because I knew if I was going to get there on a dog team, it was going to be hard. But it was in that moment that I also...

closed my eyes and I saw the finish line for the first time. And in that finish line, I saw my family and most importantly, I saw my children and my husband there, whom if I would have ran the Iditarod 10 years prior, it wouldn't have looked like that. I wouldn't have had those kids and those kids were my reason why to finish every single race because they had seen every single struggle, every single battle I'd gone through and I had hoped and I pray to this day that...

they recognize that it's going to be a struggle to reach your dreams that you can't give up. And if mom didn't finish this, what type of example was I going to be? Was I going to be the mom that just says, it gets hard so you can give up? No, you're going to have to fight for what you want. And sometimes it's going to be really, really hard. And they had lived every moment of that with me. And, you know, as I sat there on Front Street, I could see them and the smiles on their face and the joy it would bring them to finish as well. And that...

was the sole reason that I said I'm gonna do it. Gotcha. That became your new... My why. Your why. So that fueled you for the next year of training and gearing up to Yeah, I didn't want to do it. There was no part of me that wanted to do it, even less than... I mean, it was like a grind. I was over the hard at this point, you know? But we did. We did it. We signed up and we trained for the entire year and it really was a great year.

And then here we go to the starting line. And this time at the starting line felt very different. know, the year before was very celebratory. It was very exciting. ⁓ It was almost a somber feel. My whole crew, my family tried to cheer you up and I'm like, I know what I'm about to undertake. You guys have...

No idea, you know, and so my poor husband, he suffers as much as I do watching that tracker and watching my he he he sleeps as much as I do out on the trail because if I'm up, he's up watching my tracker. And so it's hard. It's hard on a family, especially when your race doesn't go as planned. And, you know, as great as my first Iditarod was as glorious as was my second Iditarod was a challenge and a struggle from my first camp all the way to know it never got easier. And why?

Why was that? I think that the storms really affected myself and my dog team. Gotcha. So the first time around you're... Blissfully ignorant. Blissfully ignorant. Second time around you know better. Oh, you know. You know too much. You know too much. Yeah, you know too much. know what can happen. And I think you're living in fear. Every single run you're afraid that it's going to be taken from you. And so you almost can't enjoy it because...

until you finish, you're fearful that the rug's gonna be pulled out at any moment. What was the song that got you through? It was a verse. And it became my song and it became my anthem and the only reason. Ironically, we pulled into Unalakleet in Western Alaska and someone handed me a piece of paper and said, winter storm warning, travel not advised. And I said, you have to be kidding me. Like, there is no way I'm going back out and then I'm not doing it. Like, I...

I myself, my team, there is no way. And so the number one fear, other than if you put a pack of moose in front of me, my number one fear was going back into a storm like we had just experienced. I mean, I could still feel the shoulder injury from the year before and let alone you want me to go back out in another storm where the National Weather Service is saying travel not advised, like there's no way. And you know, I was like, I'm not doing it. I'm quitting. This is it. I'm done. And I called my husband and you know,

I wanted so badly for him to tell me, you're going to be fine. You can do this. You've done harder. You know, that's what I wanted to hear. But instead he gave me the best advice I think that I could have ever had in that moment. And it was, I can't tell you what to do. Like you're the only one that can make that decision. And so there was a verse that was spoken ⁓ over my team and we pray before every race and ⁓ all of us gather on my sled and just pray for safety and comfort and peace. And there was someone that

prayed a scripture Joshua 1-9 over me. And that verse started playing in my head, which really hadn't become a verse I knew, but I had actually written it in my dog book when he prayed that over me. And I read that verse and that verse just kept ringing in my ears and then it became a song. And as the winds would howl louder, I would sing back and it was really my fighting anthem song because as it would...

as it would howl and the winds would intensify, I would sing it and it was, And I sing it over and over and over and loud and with tears freezing to my face as the winds would get bad and you know, the dogs through all of that.

seemed pretty unfazed. They were pretty comfortable if I was comfortable and that's where I found my comfort. And like similarly to the first time around, the other musher, Gerhard, showed back up. So it's like everything is like almost replaying like it was last time. It almost to the day. It was ironic. We hadn't seen each other pretty And this is at the same checkpoint too? Or no? No, Different checkpoint. But we ended up going from

where the storm started, the rest of the coast together. And then we were at the last checkpoint together and ended up running that whole thing. He didn't leave me because, you know, I didn't leave him and I got him out alive the first time and he refused to leave me. And he had a much stronger dog team than I did. And he could have finished hours before me, but he stopped and waited. He said, I won't, I won't go without you. And so that, you know, that's a bond of a lifetime there. And that's what mushing is about is, you you get this brother, sisterhood kind of

because you want your musher beside you to finish this as bad as you want yourself. You know what they're going through. And musher can only help musher, and so that's the only assistance quote you can have. And if that assistance is nothing more than just your presence, then that's what it is. And that's really what Gerhart was for me. So you make it through that storm the second time around. Yeah. What's going through your head? I then had confidence for the first time.

We got to the very last checkpoint and what Gerhard and I thought was gonna be like, we're gonna sleep, it's gonna be great, we get the longest rest we've had, eight hours, it's gonna be wonderful, and we're gonna do this thing. It was exactly opposite, him and I were both laying down and then we sat up and he said, I can't sleep. I was like, I can't sleep either. And here come the nerves and here come like, we both wanna vomit and we can't eat and we can't sleep and we're like, can these hours just go?

And so then there's fear. And if you don't walk into your fear, boy, it will cripple you. And that's what I've learned over and over is just fear is so powerful if you allow it to be. And we stepped into it and he said, we're going to the finish line. that's where our confidence in each other came as well as we're like, we know how bad it can get out there and we know we can get through it. Period. We will go to the finish line. And we said, it doesn't matter.

it's not stopping us this year. so then we became confident and every mile that ticked by got easier. And for the first time, my last 50 miles of Iditarod was easy.

The first 950 miles was hard, but the last 50 was like a magic carpet ride. We came over what is the most beautiful hills to see the Bering Sea and the sun was rising and the sun was like a salmon pink orange color. And it was the most glorious thing that you could have even painted to watch my dog team come through. And that's what was ushering us into the finish line.

You said, was the last moment that we were going to have together. This is right before you come in. And I was unable to control my emotions at this point, sobbing in disbelief and gratefulness. As we approached the road leading to the finish line of the Iditarod, a flood of emotions surged through me. This was it, the culmination of years of hard work, dedication, and unbreakable bonds with my team. I needed my dogs to understand the gravity of this moment, to feel the pride and gratitude swelling in my heart. I set my hook one final time, marking the end of our journey and the beginning of a moment I would never want to forget.

I walked up to Raz, who held my heart, and Commando, standing tall like a king. These two had been with me through so many trials and were now leading us to the finish line. Kneeling before them, I wrapped my arms around their powerful bodies, burying my face in their thick, warm fur. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I whispered in a heartfelt thank you, my voice breaking with emotion. They licked the salty tears from my face, their tails wagging with eager anticipation. Their eyes full of loyalty and determination seemed to understand exactly what we had accomplished.

I move down the line, my hands brushing over each dog's fur. Is it QT? QT. QT, who took charge when no one else would. Bruno, the solid, unfaltering teammate. Gravy, always making me smile and sneaking food whenever he could. Hefe, my cheerleader and backbone. Burpee, full of strength and determination. Herc, a powerful dog, but still a gentle soul who loved to cuddle with me on the straw. Pull Up, a fierce and brave warrior. Bill, with more crazy antics than I could recount and most remarkable comeback of all.

the most remarkable comeback of all time, and Munchy, the sister of Flash, who had been with us since the beginning. All of them had played a vital role in our journey. I hope they could feel the pride I had for them, the deep gratitude for their unwavering strength and dedication. Each touch and word was a silent tribute to our shared triumph, a bond forged through countless miles of snow and ice. In those final moments, as we stood on the brink of finishing the Iditarod, I wanted them to know that this was more than a race. It was a testament to our incredible partnership. As we crossed that finish line together,

It was not just a victory for us, but a profound celebration of everything we had accomplished as a team. I love that so much reading through that because of the fact that what got you to even say, I'm gonna do this, was you going out to your dogs and them being like, we're waiting on you. Like, we're good to go ⁓ if you could step through your fear. And they carried you through. ⁓

Amazing. Yeah, that was talk about powerful talk about coming through the finish line. my goodness If that moment wasn't enough I was I was a hot mess there but you know I purposely stopped knowing that there was about to be a crowd of people and It was one of the most special moments on the whole trail and it was the first time in the whole In the whole story really that I didn't want it to be over

Because I knew it was it like this is it like you've done it like and it's like my gosh when we this is it like And you you cross you crest up onto Front Street And you can see the sea of people that are in front of you which blew me away I was carrying a very dear friend of mine's ashes who is a fallen? state trooper and ⁓ I was not prepared for the welcome that they were welcoming him home as well because he was in my sled bag and ⁓

So all of the fire trucks and ambulances and troopers and police were lining the streets and they were actually ushering me in with their vehicles. I've seen countless Iditarod finishes and for the first place finisher, there's a lot of people. But as you get toward the back of the pack where I was, it's just a few spectators that are out there and maybe a drunk person that runs out of the bar.

So when I, when I crested Front Street and there were people, there were people lining the entire street all the way up, I was blown away so much that I couldn't even speak and the tears that were filling my eyes, I had to wipe them because I couldn't even see Front Street and then I couldn't even tell the dogs, gee, you're hot. And I was just like, just go down, know, I'm

And they're like, just be quiet. We're fine. We've got this. And I was like, I couldn't even breathe. And then the vision that I had had the year before now became my reality. And exactly what I had envisioned stood in front of me as we ran up the chute. And my children and my husband and my parents, my dad, my mom, my stepmom, my family, my friends, everyone that I could have ever imagined.

was there, you know? And then to my surprise, right next to me was Gerhardt. And I didn't even realize that he was still there, but he had even waited for me under the finish line to make sure I was gonna make it. Because I honestly believe that if I hadn't come up, he'd have turned his dog team around and come and got me. There's no doubt in my mind he wouldn't leave until he knew I made it, you know? And so it was a story that I couldn't have even written myself. It was amazing.

like for it to end that way was just, that was the Cinderella story ending that I was waiting for the first time around. So to have that resolve and to have that just like ultimate welcome and finish was amazing to read. I mean, to experience it, I can imagine what that was like. ⁓ Especially just because what had got you through the whole time was waiting for you at the finish line, like you said. And then so,

After that, it's like now you have this, your why is still there. So your family is what got you through it and now your family is kind of what's carrying you from that point. you kind of, you finish that, you have that experience, you go back home and then it's like you race a little bit and then you're like, well, maybe this isn't what I wanna do. I kinda just wanna be home with my kids and my family. You wanna talk about the aftermath of.

Yeah, you know, I don't think anybody ever thinks about the day after you finish or the day after you reach your goal, right? What's that next day like it's all about that journey leading up to it and that transformation of who you've become during that process. And that is what I'm most grateful for. Of course, finishing, yes, but learning who and what is most important. And it took me a little while to realize, you know, like, OK, well, yeah, I love these dogs and all this dog mushing, but

maybe this isn't what I want to do. And I never thought that was the case. I just kind of thought, yeah, I'll just mush dogs forever. Like that's who I'm going to be. But, you know, when I was on the trail after finishing the Iditarod, know, nothing is going to surpass the Iditarod. There's no next level. Maybe if there was a next level, I would probably do it, but there's no next level. And so it's like, I've done it. Like, you know, and I don't really care about...

because I know the effort that it's gonna take and I don't have the time with a family to have a winning team and I was okay with that. And so if I wasn't gonna do it to win, why am I doing this? And ⁓ it took a good few years and it took the next ⁓ season of realizing, I really would rather be at home with my kids when they're off from school than...

out here on the trail. you know, there was always that pivotal moment and there was a pivotal moment in a race. I was in the middle of a race and it wasn't going great. And I could choose to get in my dog truck and head home, which was closer and my kids were off and had two more days left of their winter break, or I could go finish this race and cross another finish line. And I was like,

why am I just going to cross a finish line? Like, what is the point in that? Or I can go hang out with my kids and my family. they're only off for two more days. Why am gonna sit out here and be miserable and cold and then just, yay, I've got another finish, check that off the box. Like, wait a second. And so that's where life really started being reevaluated. And it was in that moment that I knew, this is not where I wanna be. I don't wanna be out here. Like, I don't wanna do this anymore, you know?

It took a whole other season after that to be able to actually verbalize that to anyone. And it wasn't really until just this past, you know, January, December, January, I really started telling people like, no, I'm really, I'm done, you know, I'm done. And that's, that was really hard at first and now it's become easy ⁓ and more accepted, I guess, is the answer. And I think more accepting of myself of like, I didn't know how this was going to turn out, how I was going to feel or...

what the emotions were gonna be like to get rid of my dog team. And here we are heading toward the end of summer and I only have three dogs left. And that's all I'm gonna have. they're retired and that's just who you just read about it. And that's Commando and Raz and Pull Up. And they're the ones that are gonna live with me until they pass away. But everybody says, aren't you gonna miss Mushing? And well,

Maybe, but I mean, like, you know, any retired athlete, you know, you always think about what you did and what you accomplished and the great memories and like, yeah, it'd be great, but it's okay. I can go, you know, I can go jump on a friend's sled anytime I want, but not if it's going to take away from me being able to go to my kids' sports and school events and hanging out with them and going on family trips because you give up all of that to be a dog musher and it wasn't worth it anymore. Yeah, and I could totally... Yeah.

see how you would arrive there after doing what you did with the goal that you had in mind, what you went through to what you learned about yourself and with your family ⁓ being like your ultimate motivation. It kind of sent, like I wasn't let down by that. Like, man, she's not gonna try to like, you know, grind it out to win one someday. Like that wasn't just getting a picture of who you are and the story. Like it seemed like that was the happy ending. it?

you and your family riding off into the sunset, doing whatever you want to do. It is. Now it's baseball and basketball and kids events. do want to talk about, so Marker to Marker is your book. ⁓ I'm so thankful that you wrote it. And I don't know that, my thought is there's probably people that have experienced life and ups and downs and challenges and adversity. They kind of just maybe they share it with their family and their friends. Maybe they...

they're not as vulnerable and don't put it out there. I know that writing a book has got to be a super vulnerable experience. ⁓ But I'm thankful that you did it because I think it is, it's taking something extreme like running that ditter rod and living the lifestyle that you did and that you have as a kid, know, having sled dogs and mushing. But it relates to the person that is not about that life at all, but the themes and the things that you learned, the

overcoming the obstacles, what it takes to push past fear. Like all of that resonates so deeply with multiple people. If not every person is gonna experience some type of adversity. So I'm glad that you wrote it. What, I guess, pushed you to write the book? Well, I had all of these stories and I kept feeling...

the urge to put it on paper and I just kept feeling this calling like you need to write this book like this is what I'm supposed to do and I told my husband I said I feel guilty that I'm not like I feel like I'm supposed to write this book and he was like all right you know like whatever I've never written a book I was the farthest from writing a book of any person ever like I was dyslexic I didn't even learn to read till third grade like I had huge learning disabilities growing up like so to write a book was as far off as you could even imagine and then

I just started turning one story into another and I just wrote my stories down, know, and then my stories, you start putting them in order and you know, just one thing after another. And before you know it, I was like, this, this is really going to happen, you know, and just like anything in life, you just take the next step. And that's why I titled it marker to marker, because that's all you really have to look for is the next marker in life. You know, take that next step, look for that next marker and it's going to get you there. And so this was a story that I hoped would help other people to see that, you know, it's going to be hard, but you can come through it.

And more than anything, I wanted my kids to be able to recount and their kids or whomever to know that it is possible. Yeah. Super happy that you did it. ⁓ I imagine it was a hard... I know that writing a book from everything I've ever read at the end of the book where they give like the thank yous, ⁓ there's such a laundry list of people that it takes to make it happen. It does. ⁓ So I know it's a... I mean, that's a challenge of its own, but...

super thankful that you did it. And if you're listening, intentionally read sections out of this book because I wanted everyone to hear just how well written it was from like just the visual aspect of what you were seeing out and while you were ⁓ mushing to just like the ⁓ flow of it. I thought it was really well done. I think I told you, I picked it up and I put it down and then once I picked it up again, it's like, I read it in like a day and a half. Like it was gone because I was hooked. You did a really good job.

So do you want to tell people where they can find it? Yeah, ⁓ the easiest place if you're online, of course, is Amazon. You can definitely buy it, but locally in Alaska, it's carried in lots of different little shops. So you can just look at it in different shops that you're in all across the state. And if you don't see it there, ask for it. That's what I did. Just locally in Saldotna, River City, they didn't have it and they ordered it. Maybe there's still a few copies there. We'll find out.

Can people still follow you on social media? I know you have a social media presence. can. Everything in my book says, Kinnel on a Hill, but that's all been just kind of transcribed over to my name, Bridget Watkins, because we no longer have the Kinnel. So we're still posting some content on there, but mainly more toward different things now as life changes. Like you said, you're not opposed to going and doing public speaking. think you've been on that.

You've been on other podcasts before, right? Yeah, I've been talking. You've been talking a lot. So I've shared the story quite a bit, has been great to be able to share it with other people. here pretty soon, it's going to be in film. What? Really? So hopefully, January, you'll be able to watch the story live. That will be amazing. Because like I said,

It's already like in my mind. But like everything, you should read the book because the book is way more than the video. Well, that's exciting. Yeah. Cool. I'll keep an eye out for that for sure. Well, we will definitely be pushing that information out when we get it. thank you so much for hanging out. I know you're on the peninsula like everyone else fishing and enjoying it. Hopefully it's a good productive trip for you and a good time with your family. Did you have anything that you wanted to?

throw out there or add on or anything like that? No, thanks for having me and it's a great read and I hope that the story is shared. If you get a book, share it with somebody afterwards. Yes, that's true. I'm gonna have you sign my copy. Yeah, absolutely. Just pass it on so more people can read it. Thanks, Bridget. Yeah, absolutely.