S2 | EP 12: Self advocacy is the difference between life and death

It started with a pebble—small, hard, and easy to ignore. A rushed appointment. A quick dismissal. And then, a phone call that stopped everything.

At 33, Tierra Neal was young, healthy, and busy raising her son when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. No family history. No warning signs. Just a moment that changed everything.

In this episode, Tierra opens up about what it’s like to fall through the cracks of a system that wasn’t built for you—and what it takes to climb back out with faith, knowledge, and community as your armor. She shares the moments doctors overlooked, the questions that saved her life, and the quiet strength it takes to keep showing up when your body feels like a stranger.

What begins as one woman’s story becomes a universal one—about listening to your instincts, finding your voice, and turning pain into purpose. Through her advocacy with the Bexa Equity Alliance, Tierra is now helping women access care that meets them where they are—no clinic required.

This conversation is raw, hopeful, and unforgettable. Because sometimes, the stories we least expect are the ones that remind us how fragile—and how powerful—we really are.

Transcript

Welcome Back And Listener Shoutouts

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Like, I don't wanna die in my I I don't wanna die. Like, I didn't wanna die, y'all. Like, it was just a really awful moment.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Hi guys, welcome back to Elevators Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hey, we are back and it feels so good, girl. I feel like you and I have been going through a whirlwind these last couple weeks. It's good to see your face.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Yes, we have been so busy, y'all. Um, so thank you for being patient with us. Last week we released our episode with Tyreek. So if you have not seen it, make sure you go back and take a look. He is such a breath of fresh air. He is so funny. So make sure you guys take a look at that episode. Tune in. And this week we have another very special guest for y'all, which we're gonna get into later. So make sure you say tune.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

Yes, I really enjoy Ty. I love his take on it, and I just love how he's just so matter-of-act, and it's just like, this is what it is. This is from my point of view. He was really, really cool. So, yes, I crystal mentioned. Make sure you guys tune into that. And also, we want to hear from y'all. Please type like a comment, a caption. We also have our speakpipe on elevators.com. So tune into that because we want to hear you guys' opinions on things. We want to help you guys with things that you might want to sort out. So you can leave a message. It could be anonymous, but we want to hear from you.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Can I read a review? Because we got a review that I thought was very nice. Really? Yes, let's listen. I want to hear. I want to hear Therasta 91 on YouTube said, Love, love, love. Been following homegirl on IG for mad long. Very informative. Challenges you, very knowledgeable. I love that. She was referring, he or she was referring to a guest that we had on the show whose name is Casey. And she is just like the person said, like very informative. When it comes to politics, public health, like statistics, I see all the things. She is super informative, but like makes her knowledge very digestible.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

So yeah, in layman's terms, absolutely. So yeah. Yeah. A baddie with multiple degrees and brains. And literally, if you follow Casey on your her Instagram stories, I guarantee you're gonna listen, you'll learn you're gonna learn something. Like even this week alone, she was posting a lot of stuff. As you guys know, there's so much going on in our government right now with natural disasters, with people losing their job, with I mean, I could keep going. Like the world is very hard right now. But if you want to be informed, she has the facts. Like Crystal said, like it's super easy for you to understand. Girl, I love that comment. Like, we we love hearing from you guys because it just keeps us going. It lets us know that you guys are enjoying the content that we create. Because let's be honest, having a podcast and coming on here each week, y'all. We it's we have so much going on that sometimes it's it's hard to do, but we push forward and push through because we know that on the other side, someone listening or watching, receiving it, it's helping you elevate in your own special way. So we enjoy doing that for you guys. But yeah, girl, let's let's get into this unfiltered chat.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah, so for our unfiltered

Why Angelina Jolie’s Choice Matters

SPEAKER_01 2:55

segment, it uh is a little different. Typically, we talk about like spicy things, but for today's unfiltered segment, uh I pulled something that happened a couple weeks ago where Angelina Jolie finally spoke on the double massectomy that she has had a couple years ago, which she has never really talked about publicly. But I just think that it's so uh uh beautiful, empowering, and important when we speak up on real life things that we're dealing with, especially when celebrities do it, because it really just humanizes them, especially like a celebrity from her era, which back then it's like, oh my god, Angelina Jolie, you know, like they were very untouchable, you know. From she just comes from a very different like um era of celebrities. So yes, this just humanizes her and reminds us reminds people that like we are all going through something, we're all human. Uh so a couple weeks ago, she did an interview where she said that she does not regret her decision to do the double mastectomy, which was like removing her um her breast as well as uh whole her ovarian tubes, and she she made that decision because she tested positive for the Braca for the BRCA gene, which is a gene's like a rare gene. It's a super rare gene that basically tells you like you were very likely to get breast or ovarian cancer, and it had been basically like passed down um from her mom. I think her grandmother also passed from ovarian cancer. So she got tested for this gene, which many women can do, by the way. If you have a history of you know, breast and ovarian cancer in your family, you definitely want to let your doctors know that because I believe your insurance will cover the Braca gene test for you. Um, I mean, well, at one point they did. We don't really know what's going on with the insurance these days, but yeah, so I just thought that it was like very empowering for her to come out and just you know, speak on that as a woman. Like we very much are tied to our breast, our hair, and being able to reproduce. So the fact that she is like speaking out and saying like she does not regret her decision is just dope.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Yeah, absolutely. And I know that was probably like a really hard decision, even though I know she doesn't regret it because you know her mom passed away from breast cancer. So especially when you have that in your family line, your bloodline, like it makes you super like cautious or precautious rather of you know, you potentially having that same that same, you know, could have that same cancer. Yeah. So I think it's so powerful, like as you mentioned, when celebrities come out and they talk about real life things, because so many people on an everyday basis is going through this, and you know, it sometimes is a little bit more um relatable and it makes people, you know, gravitate towards you know, you more because they're like, Oh, I want to, you know, know how she got through this. Because it's a challenging thing. We deal with things silently as women, things that are unknown that people don't even know about in our own quiet spaces. So I think when people are very out loud and vocal about the things that they are going through that can help other people, is it's super powerful. I think this is perfect for today's topic

Beyond October: Year‑Round Awareness

SPEAKER_00 6:08

because for our show, we just ended the month of October. As we all know, October is breast cancer awareness month. However, I feel and I know we feel that breast cancer, just the talk on, you know, just awareness, should exist beyond October. We just can't just use one month to talk about the challenges that women and men face. It's not just a women thing, men also can get breast cancer. So for this specific episode, you know, Crystal and I thought it'd be really good to have a special guest, which I would love to introduce. We are gonna have Tierra Neal join us for our episode here on Elevators Podcast. She is one of my good friends, my Serenity sister. But beyond that, she is a breast cancer survivor, um, being diagnosed at 33 years young with breast cancer. And she also founded her own company that is helping women everywhere, you know, um, helping them have more awareness surrounding breast cancer. She's gonna talk a little bit more about that, Bexa. But um I'd like to introduce Tierra Neal to the podcast. Tierra, welcome to Elevators Podcast. Tierra, welcome. How are you?

SPEAKER_03 7:09

I'm so good. I'm just so happy to be here with you today.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Thank you. And as you guys can probably see if you're watching, I know that for those who are listening, you probably can't see it. So definitely tune into the YouTube. We're all wearing green, and we did not plan this. This is not planned.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Green is the color of the fourth quarter, okay? You know what I'm saying? Green is right. We had we had a butter yellow summer, like that was the color of the summer. And now for fourth quarter, the color is green. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

Green's my favorite color, so it's there's no mistake that we're all in green today. Love it.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Manifesting all the money for this this next quarter. I'm I'm speaking that it's I'm where the money resides. I'm where the money resides.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

Money green, baby. Money green.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

This is perfect. So it's so good to have you on our show. For those who may not know, Tierra and I go way back. We actually started at BET together. Um, that was like my first kind of introduction introduction into the entertainment industry. I was working at BET Networks and I was an executive assistant and on air. I was doing like so many different things. But Tierra was there when I was there, also working in that capacity.

Meet Tierra: Survivor And Advocate

SPEAKER_00 8:16

And it was just so like, I don't know how to explain it, it was just so serendipitous when we met. We just like meshed and clicked so well. And I found out she was my sorority sister. I'm like, oh, this girl is my girl. And it ended up becoming, we you know, developed our own relationship outside of that. So I love that we're still friends after all these years, and your story's so powerful. So I just can't wait for us to like get into that. But I do want to give like that little intro. And then I think you and Chris also connected too when we did our little yoga class for Fortune 4. So it was like so much fun.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

We yes, it's so crazy that we all worked at BET around the same time and just that alignment from then to now, and just seeing like kind of that growth of where we started to where we are and aligning again. It's just truly a testament to how you can elevate and then circle back to each other and celebrate each other at every stage.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Yes, yes, I feel like we always have. We just had um a good friend of mine who I also used to work with at BET. I'm like, is this the BET podcast? Listen, but you made a good point. Like, it's crazy how everybody like goes through life in their own like different roads and stuff, but those roads still like intertwine in the future, which is so important, like to just keep and make organic relationships so exciting. Yes. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Absolutely, and we've mentioned this on our podcast. You know how we always say, like, you have to kind of continue to collaborate with your peers because your peers go on to do so many amazing things in their, you know, areas of work, and you just never know when you're gonna collaborate like we're doing today with someone else. And yeah, so I would love to just jump right on into just our our show topic. We we we talked about it being now November. Obviously, we just know that it was breast cancer awareness month, but we wanted to have this conversation and also I wanted to mention Crystal and I went to HBCU. We were doing like something at eight like Hampton. It was during like the HBCU like homecoming season. And I will never forget because we were on like a day trip um to Hampton, and then we came back, and when we're when we were coming back, we were talking to one of the um airline representatives, and she was like asking us what we did, and we were like, we have a podcast, and she's like, Oh my gosh, I I would love to tune in. She's like, I think you guys need to have a topic on breast cancer. And she was telling us how she was a survivor, and she was like, These conversations are so important, especially as young women, um, because a lot of people feel like you know that it does it can't happen to them, or you know, that it only happens to older women. And I know that as you T being like one of my good girlfriends, that was your story. And I would love for you to like share your journey with breast cancer and you know, like how it's affected you and your in your younger years.

SPEAKER_03 10:51

Yes, absolutely. Whoa, you know, I was 33 years old when I was diagnosed with stage one invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. I was not a candidate for breast cancer, right? I was young, healthy, had no family history, and it was it was one of those scenarios where you're kind of like you sit back and and you don't think it's real. To start from the very beginning of my breast cancer journey, it was it was a bit of a challenge for me because at the time I was living in Santa Monica, California, and I had gone in for my, you know, we have our yearly checkup that us women we always go to see our gynecologist. That's like the one appointment we don't miss. And so I had gone in for my yearly gynecologist appointments, and I was in between that was like my lunch break, right? So I had to get back to work. At that time, I was actually working for Discovery. So I was with the TLC network producing shows like Say Yes to the Dress. And we all know we we've worked in entertainment for a long time, and we recognize that we only have small windows of time that we cannot not be in the office. I went for my gynecologist appointment and I was sitting in the waiting room for over an hour and I was staring at a sign that said, breast cancer awareness, you know, check your breast. And because I have no

Early Dismissal And Missed Exam

SPEAKER_03 12:08

family history and you know, I'm the youngest of five, both my parents are alive and thriving in their 70s. It's not, it's not, isn't run my family. So it's not something that was ever top of mind. But staring at that sign, that womanly intuition kicked in, and it was just like, you know what? I'm going to make sure that I get a breast exam today. And so I went in finally, and my doctor said, um, okay, you're all done. Like I've got to run to my other appointments. And I said, wait, you didn't give me a clinical breast exam. And she told me I was young, healthy, had no family history, and that I had nothing to worry about and to continue doing my monthly checkups of myself. And if I felt something to come back to her. In that moment, I felt extremely dismissed. I felt like had I not been a woman of color, that she would have given me those extra couple of minutes that I deserved, regardless of what I looked like. And I had Cadillac insurance. I call it Cadillac insurance because I had the absolute best insurance. Excuse me. So it wasn't, you know, a lack of anything other than her not prioritizing me as a human being, as a black woman. And so I left there feeling really discouraged, dismissed, unimportant. And I really didn't understand in that moment how much that would impact my life because six months later, I decided to move to back home to Maryland. And I was going to be working out of the Discovery Maryland office. And I was only home for about a week and felt a little pebble. I mean, it was like rock solid. It was small, but it was rock hard. And it was one of those aha moments where you're like, oh, I don't know about that. It's kind of like strange, but again, no family history. I'm young, I'm healthy. Like Amanda, you know, like I'm like doing the juice cleanses every month. You know, when I was living in LA, I was doing Renyan Canyon like almost every day. You know, healthy, healthy as can be. I mean, I love to work out, I love to eat healthy. I'm always encouraging, you know, as women to like eat your salads, you know, drink your water, find that balance. Yes, I will enjoy my wine, but I do find the balance, and I think that's really important. So, you know, in that moment, I it was a crossroads for me because I was like, do I go get this checked or do I just let it go? Because of that previous experience with my gynecologist, I really thought it's probably nothing. Luckily, I have a family and friends who are like, you know, just go get it checked out. It's probably assist, it's probably nothing, but you need that peace of mind. Mind you, this was like right around Christmas time. And I had just moved to Maryland, so I didn't have a doctor. And I knew if I reached out to one of my girlfriends that they could get me in. So I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna do it. So I reached out to one of my girlfriends who was actually doing the social media for this practice in the DC area. So she sent her a text and was like, hey, my good friend just moved here. We really need to like get her in so we can just make sure everything is fine. Luckily, she was able to get me in within a week. I go in and she says, you know, it, it's it's small, it's probably nothing. You're young, you're healthy, you have no family history. You know, I kept hearing that. But just to be on the safe side, I'm gonna send you in for a mammogram and an ultrasound. Mind you, I don't know for sure, ladies, if I would have gotten that referral for the mammogram and the ultrasound had I not been such a personal referral. So I just wanna highlight that point because we'll circle back to that. And so she was like, no sense of urgency. Like, you know, it's a holiday as you just moved here, you're probably fine. So at your leisure schedule, your mammogram and your ultrasound, you have the referral. Me being me, I'm an Aries, so I move quickly. I know your Aries, all the Aries on the call. All my Aries sisters, you know, we move quickly. So I was like, yeah, yes, yes. So I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to schedule this immediately. I called to get the mammogram and the ultrasound scheduled. And because I was

The Pebble, Delays, And Dense Breasts

SPEAKER_03 16:18

not high risk and I was young and healthy and no family history, they kind of put me at the bottom of the list. And they were like, um, okay, yeah, we can probably get you in in about a month, a month. I was like, okay, well, let's get this scheduled. And if there's anyone that cancels, let me know. No cancellations, had to wait about a month. I go in for the mammogram ultrasound, hoping for answers. And they say, ooh, okay, you're in the gray area, which you're either in the black area or the white area and you're in the gray area. What that means now, because I've educated myself and I had no idea what that meant then, is that I had dense breast. And so they really couldn't see the mask. It kind of looks like, you know, that old school TV, like the snow when you're looking at a mammogram and an ultrasound of a woman who has dense breasts, you really cannot see the mass. So they said, All right, we're gonna send you on to see a breast surgeon. And I'm like, okay, y'all are doing a lot for something that you're saying is nothing. I'm grateful, don't mind you, but also wanting answers and not having doctors just tell me I need to do this, this, this, this, this, but not tell me why, right? And I, as many questions as I could ask at the time, I was so ignorant. I didn't necessarily know what to ask, right? We didn't have chat GPT. I couldn't say, hey, chat GPT, what do I ask? Like, I just didn't have that. And so then I get in with the breast surgeon again, delay, delay, delay because I wasn't high risk. It took forever for me to get in with the breast surgeon. I finally get in with her. And out the gate, she says, okay, you work full time. So let's schedule this for a Friday so that you can heal over the weekend and be back to work on Monday. And I'm looking at her, like, I'm sorry, what? Schedule what? She's like, Well, you're gonna have to have a surgical biopsy because you have breast implants and we cannot see the mass in the mammogram. And so we're gonna have to go in surgically and find the mass so that we can biopsy it. Wow. Y'all, I had to sit back and she was rushing through it, right? And I'm like, I need you to slow down because now you're talking about me going into surgery, full bone surgery, putting me under anesthesia, and really not telling me like why, right? You're just saying we need to biopsy this, we can't do the needle biopsy. I'm like, I educate me. Tell me what this all means. Like, is it is cancer a possibility for real? And so I sat with my doctor and she pulled out a piece of paper and she like made a diagram of exactly what she was going to do. And I still left there feeling just distraught. I tried to educate myself as much as I could. Dr. Google, I don't recommend it, but that's what I did. And so I went to schedule the surgery and the surgery, girl, ladies, I'm telling you, it took forever for me to get on the surgical list because again, young, healthy, no family history. And so they probably pushed me to the bottom of the list. And I would call like every day, like, hey, has there been any cancellations? No, no, no, no, no. Another month and a half goes by, and I finally go in for the surgery. My doctor comes out and tells my family, listen, looks good. The mass was small. We removed it. It's probably benign. And so I'm thinking, oh, I'm good, great. The following week, I have a um, my follow-up is scheduled for a Friday. But the president of the company that I was working for called an all hands mandatory meeting. So I called my doctor's office and I said, Hey, I have this meeting. I absolutely cannot miss. Um, again, I was a single mom at the time, so I'm not trying to rock any votes. I wanted to make sure that I was, you know, A-OK as far as my job was concerned. And because my doctor said my mask looked okay, I felt like, okay, well, we can reschedule this follow-up. They tell me there's no other times available and that they'll circle back. Well, I get a call on Wednesday from my doctor. And remember, I had just moved to the Silver Spring office from LA. And so I was really just getting to know my coworkers. I mean, we've met on Zoom and whatnot, but really didn't have a strong relationship in person. And so I'm getting ready to go to lunch with one of my coworkers, and my doctor calls. And I'm like, hey, just give me literally two seconds. This is my doctor. She's just gonna tell me, you know, I need to get my follow-up on the books or something. You know, like I had no idea what she was gonna say, other than like, you're fine, we'll figure this out. I go into one of the little phone booths and I sit down, comfortable and happy, and she says, You're gonna be just as surprised as I was when your results came in. And I am so sorry to do this to you over the phone, but your mask came back malignant and you have breast cancer.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 21:01

In that moment, ladies, I questioned God. And I and I've never questioned God. I questioned God, asked myself, Am I gonna die? Why me? Am I gonna lose my hair? And I never asked the question, who's gonna raise my son? I said to myself, no, no, no, I am gonna raise my son. I am not going to die. Whatever this fight looks like, I am not going to

Biopsy, Barriers, And The Call

SPEAKER_03 21:27

die from this disease. I can't believe I have this disease. I cannot believe I have this disease. But I did. And I started to have a panic attack. It was so, it was just like the scariest moment of my entire life because I was like, I don't want to die in my I don't want to die. Like, I didn't want to die, y'all. Like, it was just a really awful moment for me. And I'm sorry, I'm crying. I don't know why I'm crying.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Um, it's like sometimes I cry and sometimes I don't cry, but no, honestly, it's okay. Yeah, it's like a real experience, and I don't think that you should apologize for that. Yeah, first of all, please don't, but also it's like you're never gonna get over that because at the moment you didn't know that you would be able to be here and just have this conversation and educate people. Like you literally had no idea what that was gonna look like, and I think that's why it's so important, even when we are in our 30s or even in our 20s, like we speak up for ourselves when we are in these doctors' offices and when we're being dismissed. Because at the end of the day, we are the ones who are gonna have to deal with the results of those tests, not the doctors. They go home, they see the next patient. We are the ones that are gonna have to take our our own lives into uh control because if not, they'll just dismiss you, dismiss you, and then here you are in in a phone booth receiving this information after being pushed off for so many months, and now you're like, I don't even know what my life is gonna look like, if it's even gonna look like anything in the next two months. So not a moment, not a moment you can ever get over, you know, like at all.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

Never, never, never. And I couldn't at that time I couldn't see see anything past. I cannot die because I have to raise my son. So that was I pulled that strength out in that moment. I walked out of that phone booth, went over to my boss, and I just poured my soul out to her. I said, I have cancer, I have to go. I I left there, y'all, and I I didn't go back until I finished my my cancer treatments and my process. And I opted to have a bilateral massectomy, which means I cut off both of my breasts. I made that decision, I made that decision because I wanted to ensure that I could live the longest life possible. I didn't want a reoccurrence. I interviewed so many Black women who were diagnosed with breast cancer. And the number one question I asked them was, did you get a bilateral mastectomy? And if you didn't, did you have a reoccurrence? About 90% of those women said that they, the ones that said that they did not have a bilateral mastectomy said that they had a reoccurrence. 90% within five to 10 years. I said, No, no, cut them off. Let's start fresh. And I had an oncologist, Crystal, listen to this one. I had an oncologist look at me and say, Why would you cut your breast off? You're so young. And I said, Well, that's just it. I'm so young and I want to ensure I live a long, healthy life moving forward. And she said, All you young women getting breast cancer, and you all you want to do is cut your breast off so you can get implants. What?

SPEAKER_00 24:39

Yes, this is an oncologist. And why was she even questioning you why you wanted to do and what you wanted to do with your body?

SPEAKER_03 24:46

I said, Did you have a bad day today? I said, I will never come back to you. I will find another oncologist. And I hope in this moment you recognize and you realize that you cannot say that to anyone. I don't care who they are, or what age they're in.

SPEAKER_01 25:00

Like, what made you feel so comfortable to speak to a patient like that? Especially a patient

Choosing Life And A Double Mastectomy

SPEAKER_01 25:06

just found out that they have breast cancer. That's insane.

SPEAKER_03 25:09

Insane. And I was there by myself.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

Give me your license immediately.

SPEAKER_03 25:13

Yeah, like they need to be reported ASAP. I know. And I was just in such a vulnerable state that I, you know, I I can't even tell you the doctors.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

And I'm so I'm sorry, I'm so proud of you for speaking up because sometimes people need to hear it. Like, yeah, yeah. Hold on, hold on, miss. Like, who are you or Mr. whoever it is it was like people sometimes they are so caught up in their own, whether it's schedules with patients or their own, like honestly, shit, personal shit in life that they bring that to every inter interaction that they are having, not realizing like you know, there's other people going through things around you, and they kind of like jump, you know, into those interactions. So I'm so happy you were able to stop that person and speak up for yourself. And I really encourage our listeners to do that. Like, uh please speak up for yourself. And if you have to correct somebody in a moment like that, please do because they need to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Yes, yeah, and at any age, because honestly, like I'm hearing you like sharing your story, T, and I'm literally thinking about just different situations. You sharing this and your story with just, you know, like a medical physician and oncologist, like someone that's in the medical field that we would look at for them and their expertise and just what they want to, you know, tell us. Like, I'm thinking about situations I've even dealt with, like being at a doctor's office and having doctors talk to me crazy. And I don't think enough people share those stories. Like sometimes they could be really like out of pocket.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

No, very out of pocket. And I was actually gonna ask you guys how you navigate those situations. So it's it's good to know, Terry. You speak up for yourself, um, Amanda, as well. But yeah, I've also had experiences where I'm like, and I'll tell my doctor straight up. Like, one time I had was also I used to get like a lot of breast pains, and I talked to my GYN about it, and she was a little more dismissive. She was like, Yeah, um, well, you know, she actually made a correlation that I had no idea about, but she was like, Well, do you drink coffee? And I was like, Yeah, I drink coffee every single day. And she was like, Yeah, well, coffee sometimes leads to breast pain. And I had no idea about that, like whatsoever. And I was like, Okay, cool. Basically, like this is like a okay, go home drink water. And I hate like a go home drink water response from a doctor, right? Because that that's I'm not here for that. So when she told me that, I was like, Okay, cool, I'll take it, you know, with a grain of salt, but I'm gonna speak to my primary doctor about this. And when I sat down with my primary doctor, I was like, Listen, I know I'm I was I was really young at the time, I was probably like 25. I was like, I know I'm young, but I also know that breast cancer is becoming way more prominent, especially in women of color. So I'm gonna ask you to send me off because I'm experiencing breast pains. However, my GYN said it could be linked to caffeine, but test my blood, test like test everything because I also want to get like a not a mammogram, but like an ultrasound on my breasts, which obviously when you're young, you have really

Confronting Bias In The Exam Room

SPEAKER_01 28:12

dense breasts.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

So they were like, Yeah, you don't really see anything, and my blood work came back fine. So I'm like, okay, thank God. But it's still something that I check on. And I realized, you know, slowing down the caffeine for me really helped in terms of like breast pain. But if I ever feel anything and I'm like, hold on now, I always check my boobs every time I'm showering. Like it's just so important for us to do that, but also to speak up for ourselves. And I think I would highly recommend if a doctor is denying you of something you asked for, you ask them to note it in your chart. Ask them to physically note that they are declining what you're asking for in your chart, and I bet you they go ahead and give you what you ask it for. That's good. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

That's so true. Yeah, I've heard women go through that as well. And I I have had some crazy stories, but you know what's crazy? I feel like I was the craziest thing I've experienced with a doctor in a doctor's office. I think I was too young to speak out for myself. And my mom was in the room, so I felt like I didn't want to be disrespectful. But now looking back as an adult, I'm like, I should have spoken out and I should have said what I needed to say. And you know, I'll I'll even be candid with you guys and tell you what it was. I was getting my first pap smear, and I was 17 at the time, maybe. And I think my mom had like just found out like I lost my virginity and she started freaking out. And she's like, We're going to the doctor right now because I can't believe this. So, in hindsight, I get it. My mom was concerned, she wanted to make sure I was okay. And the doctor, I was just like, Oh my god, like uncomfortable that I was like kind of like uneasy about it. And the doctor's like, Well, you opened up your legs, and I'm like, Wait a minute, hold on now. And this was like my primary care doctor. She was a white woman, and my mom didn't say anything, and I felt like I should have said something, but I didn't, but I'm looking. Looking back now, and I'm like, how insensitive could you be to say something like that to a teenage per teenage girl? You know what I mean? Like, I just felt very like she was disciplining me, and I'm like, you're not my parent. Right. I'm glad we're having this conversation, and hopefully, our listeners and people who are watching speak up for themselves because so many times we're denied care, we're denied medications, we're denied just different things that we know how we feel. Like they don't know our bodies, like we know what we go through on a daily basis and the things that we need. So I love T that you're literally telling us your story and you're and you're showing us ways to advocate for ourselves when we're in these spaces because they can it can feel intimidating.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

A thousand percent. And I was just gonna say, y'all, uh, for our listeners and viewers, do not be intimidated by a white coat because under that coat is just another human being, and Lord knows what they're going through, what they care about, what they don't care about, what their biases are or their hidden biases are. You don't know. And if you don't speak up for yourself, and honestly, change your doctor. If you don't like that doctor, leave a review and move on because your review can also save somebody else that that same experience. And I think we forget that it's kind of like how we go shopping at different places, like we leave reviews and people read that and they take that into consideration before they go to either shop in the same place.

How To Advocate For Your Care

SPEAKER_01 31:20

It's very similar in healthcare. So leave your reviews, check them doctors when they need to be checked, but also like speak up for yourself, advocate for yourself, and keep keep switching doctors to you find somebody you like until you find somebody who's actually gonna listen.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

Yes, you hit it on then. What do they say? You hit the nail on the carton with that one because I think advocacy is the biggest as black women, as women of color, we have to lean into advocacy. And if you can't advocate for yourself, bring a friend. If you get a diagnosis, like a breast cancer diagnosis, I highly recommend don't ever go to an appointment by yourself. And this is this is something, uh, a topic that we were discussing on a panel in Martha's Vineyard this past summer. And it was, I was just like, wow, that is a really good idea. And I've been seeing a lot of people utilizing this tool in this way, and I had mentioned it earlier, but going onto Chat GPT, using AI to identify the right questions. So you take the information that the doctor gave you, you put that into chat GPT, and you say, give me the questions that I need to ask next time I go in so that I know what's going on with my body. And I've asked all the right questions so that I know what this could potentially look like, what my options are. Um, and I've been sharing this with so many women who have been diagnosed that have been reaching out to me and they're like, Thank you so much. Like this was so helpful because it becomes digestible instead of like the, you know, clinical mumbo jumbo and you're like, okay, I have what? Like, what does that mean? You know? So really just making sure you have those right questions. To your point, Crystal, making sure, like, if you don't like your doctor, or if you don't like what they've said to you, or you don't understand what they've said to you, feel free to get a second opinion, a third opinion until you find that doctor that you believe is giving you the right diagnosis or the right information that you need to be able to make informed decisions for your own body. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Or even slow them down while you're in the office. Yeah. Explain that. That's a good one. Because they speak in acronyms and they speak in languages that they think like, you know, they're so used to it, they're not realizing, like, hold on, this person I'm speaking to is not really understanding my medical terms. So they themselves don't know how to translate that message in a way that's more digestible for us. So slow them down, make them do their job. That's what they get paid for. Let's remember.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

Every time you're in that chair, they're getting paid. Right. Absolutely. And and they may be, they may make you feel like they're on a time clock, but like literally, they're on your time. Like you pay for that visit. Make sure that they're not just making you feel like, okay, I gotta go, I gotta run out. Like, literally try to sit them down and have them break it down.

SPEAKER_03 34:06

Right, right, right. I I feel like my experience with my gynecologist in Santa Monica set me up for the advocacy that I needed on my breast cancer journey. As much as I hated that situation and that scenario, it lit a fire in my spirit that said, no, no, no, no, no. You're getting ready to go into the fight of your life. You need to take what you felt in that moment and you need to flip that. And then when you go to those doctors' appointments, when you figure out what's going on with you, you need to advocate and fight and say, no, no, no, no. I need to get into this appointment. Put me at the top of the list. Don't put me at the bottom of the list anymore. Put me at the top of the list. I need to get that second opinion, that third opinion. I really truly believe that I had to go through that to be able to advocate and fight for the proper care that I deserved because again, I was young, healthy, right? And had no family history. And that dismissal was all in every single appointment that I had gone into, it was dismissal, dismissal,

Culturally Competent Care Explained

SPEAKER_03 35:05

dismissal. And, you know, it just really allowed for me to say, no, I I need to have the answers that I need. I don't care. You're gonna come in here and talk to me like a rope. Like a lot of these doctors, they come in and they're crystal, to your point, they're very robotic, right? Because it's like they have three people that they're having to tell that they have cancer. If you're that third person, it's kind of like, okay, yes, I'm so sorry. It becomes just like to your point, like they're getting paid to do this work, and a lot of them don't have culturally competent training, which I highly suggest that you ask your doctor if they have had that training before saying that you are my doctor, because then you'll you'll you're ensuring that they are going to properly address you.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

Um Can you explain what that is a little bit for anybody who doesn't know?

SPEAKER_03 35:52

Culturally competent care is um it's when a doctor will go and get trained on how to address a patient who might not look like them or speak their language, or just has a completely different cultural background. That if I'm telling somebody, you know, you have breast cancer, how can I properly tell this individual so that they receive it in the best possible way? Or just having um the insight and understanding that if this person doesn't speak English and they speak Spanish, and I know I don't speak Spanish, that even before you step foot in the room, I'm gonna make sure I have a translator in there with me, or I'm gonna make sure that I can properly communicate with you so that you understand what I'm telling you in the most culturally competent way.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

Okay, that that makes total sense. And you said we can ask our doctors if they're certified in that space, you said?

SPEAKER_03 36:51

Absolutely, absolutely, and that's you know, for me, so good, it's so good because then you just know that you're not gonna get that doctor who doesn't know how to address you as a black woman or whoever you are. They know, and in the the kicker is on the flip side, if they have gone through that training and they don't give you that care, that's a huge red flag.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

That's good to know. I like I'm I'm happy that you mentioned that. And don't be afraid to ask if you and I'm listening I'm quick to look at the boards. You know how like you're in the doctor's office, and I'm like, let me see where they went to school, the certifications, like I'm quick to look at all those things, like licenses, everything. Like you can ask for those things if you're unsure about like you know, where you're where you where you go. T, I wanted to talk about you kind of like seguing from working in in entertainment to now doing work in breast cancer awareness and founding your own company with Bexa. So I wanted to talk a little bit more about that, which is amazing, by the way. I know you guys have partnered with Essence Fest and so many other amazing companies and events to help bring awareness not only to breast cancer, but also teaching women how to check themselves and how to do proper exams. So let's let's talk about BEXA for a second.

SPEAKER_03 38:05

Absolutely.

From Entertainment To Bexa Equity

SPEAKER_03 38:06

So when I went through my breast cancer journey, while I was actually going through my process, I got introduced to the CEO of Bexa. He was looking for women of color who had similar experience to what I had gone through or what I was going through. And it was divine alignment because I had started going through soul searching of I have to have a deeper meaning and purpose in this life for what I am currently going through. And in that moment, when I got introduced to him, I was like, wow, God, that that happened fast. And so I joined Bexat originally as a survivor, as an advisor and as an advocate, making sure that, you know, I'm properly sharing with them how to address women who are going through what I'm going through or how to encourage women to get into preventative care. And after several conversations and going back and forth between advocating for Bexa and women of color and entertainment, I sat down with myself and I said, even though I thought entertainment was going to be my career path for life, I had to sit back and say, God has a bigger purpose for me, and I am going to turn my pain into my purpose, and I am going to completely leave entertainment and I am going to join Bexa. And so I joined Bexa actually on the commercial side, running essentially their DENI program. And then after about another year or so, I went to the CEO. We sat down and we thoughtfully and intentionally decided to create a nonprofit arm to the company so that we could ensure that we are living by our mission, which is no woman left behind. And so for us to be able to really live by that mission, we needed to get into the communities that needed this the most. So I co-founded with the CEO of BEXA, what is now the BEXA Equity Alliance. And we provide free, non-invasive breast exams to communities, under-resourced communities, communities of color, women of color, literally from the most under-resourced communities in South Central Los Angeles to the C-suite level executives had partnered with Walmart to provide free breast exams at the Black Women in Power Summit with Black Enterprise. And the crazy thing is, ladies, is that it does not matter what your socioeconomic background is. Us as women of color, we have to fight for every single thing. And so while we're climbing that, while we're climbing that ladder and we're trying to get to that suite level, to that C-suite level, it becomes so challenging for us to prioritize our health because it's like, okay, I've scheduled this doctor's appointment, but then a meeting gets put on the books and we got to show up. We can't miss that meeting because that could be that opportunity that we needed to be at in order to get to that next level. So what I found was that a lot of the black women who are at those C-suite level levels, they're like, I haven't had my mammogram in two, three years. I'm happy you're here because I'm gonna get a BEX exam. Because they're not prioritizing it because they're like, well, I don't have time for that. Yes, you have to have time for your health. Because if you don't have your health, you don't have your career. You're

Free Exams And No Woman Left Behind

SPEAKER_03 41:32

nothing without your health, ladies.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

That's right. It's true what they say, it's true what they say when like you're getting to the next level, new levels, new devils, and you know, more money, more problems in that sense, too. Cause it's like, yeah, you're getting all these amazing accolades and you're making strides in your career, but then there's something that's also falling to the wayside. And it and it being your health should never be the case. Like that, that should never be the case. T, I think this is a good opportunity while we're also on the podcast, and even for people who will tune in. So if you're listening to us on wherever you listen to your podcast, definitely tune in to the YouTube visually. But I would love for you to even share with us how to do a proper breast exam so we can do it, like as we're even talking to you, because I think that that's good. I'ma be honest, I don't do it enough. I know Crystal mentioned doing the shower, I probably should be doing it way more too. Like, so I think this might be a good opportunity for us to do that.

SPEAKER_03 42:24

Let's take our two fingers.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:26

Raise your arm and then you'll start, right? So you start on the side, and so you'll just keep take your two fingers and run along in circular motion around the breast, and then just keep going around and around and around. And make sure you're not feeling anything. If you feel anything, you stop and you just get in there deeper. And then again, you'll you'll you'll mark that spot. And so you'll say, Okay, I'm gonna circle back to that one, and then you'll keep going, and then you kind of circle, circle, circle, and then you put your arm down and then you do your other one. The same thing, same motion, two fingers, circular motion, circular motion. Go as slow as you possibly can, to be honest, because for me, my math, it was it was really deep in there, but it was one of those situations and scenarios where like you could feel it, but then all of a sudden you couldn't feel it. So if you feel something and then you don't feel it anymore, keep digging in there until you can find it. And then, you know, let your that's when you call your doctor immediately. But I love the the saying, feel it on the first. It's it's something that should be embedded in your brain every first of the month. Ladies, it's the first of the month. It's the first of the month. So we just felt it on the first. I love it. Look at that alignment.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

Feel it on the first. Feel it on the first. I have a question. Is this is it better to do standing up or laying down? Because I know I've seen some about you should also do it laying down too, or do you think it's better standing up, or is does it matter? That's a great question.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

Um, I think laying down makes more sense, but also note if you are on your cycle or you're coming on

Self‑Exam: Feel It On The First

SPEAKER_03 44:00

your cycle, you're you tend to have if you have cystic breast, that means that though that in that moment you're gonna feel it's gonna feel lumpy. So don't be alarmed, okay? Wait until after, don't do your self-checks until after you've had gone through your period and it's been a few days after your period because all of that kind of just settles. I've had so many women come and say, Oh my God, something's happening. And I'm like, Are you on your period? And they're like, Yeah. And I'm like, okay, does this tend to happen when your period is coming on and their your cycle's coming on? And they're like, Yes. And that then we we have that moment where we're like, okay, so just after you you're, you know, you finish your period, if they're not there, you're good. But yeah, if they're if there's if they're still there, go to your doctor immediately.

SPEAKER_01 44:47

That's really good to know. What would you say helped you the most during your process of removing the breast cancer as well as the mesectomy?

SPEAKER_03 44:58

God, God, lots of prayer. Allowing myself to feel every emotion that I needed to feel in that moment. I laughed, I cried, I cried some more, I was angry, was sad, but I allowed myself to feel those things. And when I would feel my weakest, I would open up my Bible. I'm gonna tell y'all something really deep and dark, but I I share it because I think it's important to provide transparency. After I had my bilateral mastectomy, you know, they had put me on oxy, oxycotton, which I'm one of those people I really don't like medicine. I don't like drugs whatsoever. I had a natural water birth for my son. I didn't even have an Advil, and he was almost nine pounds out of my vagina. So that just goes to show you how anti-medicine I am, as far as I just don't like to put a lot of medicine in my body.

SPEAKER_02 45:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:53

Um I took the oxy because the pain was just dire. Um, and I said to myself, I'm like, I'm only gonna take this for, you know, two days and then I'm gonna go to the extra strength, like Tylenol. My son was hospitalized. My son was hospitalized at the exact same time as me. And I could not go there to be with him because he couldn't breathe on his own. He was diagnosed while I was having my bilateral mastectomy. He was diagnosed with asthma, and I got the call as I'm like waking up from my surgery that said, Your son has been rushed to the hospital from school because he can't breathe on his own. Wow. When I tell y'all, when I tell y'all that I was being tested to my absolute core, beyond, beyond, beyond. And so I was released from the hospital before my son was. He was there for another three, four days because he could not properly breathe on his own. And so I was feeling extremely down, sad. I couldn't be there from my son. You know, I'm I'm in this fight to take care of my son, and then I can't take care of him physically, mentally. And so I had laid down, I was so uncomfortable from the bilateral massectomy that I couldn't lay in the bed. I had to lay on the couch and I had to be propped up.

Faith, Mental Health, And Recovery

SPEAKER_03 47:12

And so I think my caretakers, nobody was in the house. It was just me. Um, I think they had gone actually to make sure my son was good. And so I had reached for the oxy. Um, and I was like, I just I can't reach it, you know? Um, and I'm so glad I couldn't reach it because in my like in my in that moment, I wanted to take all of the oxy. I just I wanted, it's not that I wanted to end my life. I just didn't want to feel anymore. I didn't want to feel any more pain. And that oxy ended up falling to the floor. I couldn't reach it, but I could reach my Bible. I reached for my Bible and I just started reading the Bible and I ended up falling asleep. I woke up, my caretaker came in and said, you know, are you ready for your medicine? I said, absolutely not, flush that down the toilet. Today's a new day, and I'm gonna call my son on FaceTime. We're gonna talk, we're gonna talk all day. I have this renewed sense of energy and strength, but it was a very tough time for me, ladies. I mean, mentally I broke. I completely broke down. And I will never forget that moment, but it also was the moment that I needed to re-energize and say, absolutely not. I've got God. God is with me, and He is going to move me to where I need to be. He's going to give me the strength to fight. And that's absolutely what he did. So God, God in prayer.

SPEAKER_00 48:34

God is so good, and I'm so happy that you are here with us to not only share your story, but to uplift and inspire people who are going through this. And I am just so grateful for you for coming on our show and just talking to us and sharing this with us. I feel as a woman, just you know, more inclined to do what I need to do to advocate for myself because of you coming on and sharing this with us today. So thank you so much for that.

SPEAKER_01 49:02

Yeah, thank you. And thank you so much for your transparency and your vulnerability. Like it's so hard to I can imagine how hard it is to like relive all of those moments, but it truly makes you the strong character that you are today. So thank you very much for just sharing your story with us. And I really hope that this inspires somebody to make that appointment that they need to make or show up to that appointment that they need to make or prioritize their health over everything. Because, like you said, nothing, nothing we have is possible without our health, first and foremost. That's the foundation of everything.

SPEAKER_00 49:38

Yes, and T, let everyone know where they can find you and also information on Bexa just so they can kind of continue following you and the journey.

SPEAKER_03 49:47

Absolutely. My personal social media is this underscore is underscore T underscore T. Bexa Equity Alliance. You can find us across all social media platforms at Bexa Equity Alliance, and our website is BexaEquityAliance.org. And please uh follow us, subscribe to our newsletter. Um, we are always in

Resources, Gratitude, And Closing

SPEAKER_03 50:10

a different city, almost every week, providing free breast exams. So I'm sure we'll be in a community near you and would love to be able to provide these free breast exams to you. You can be pregnant, breastfeeding implants any age, and it's more of a spa-like experience. So definitely check us out and just thank you, Crystal. Thank you, Amanda, ladies. This platform that you've created here and the important conversations that you are having, just a true testament to women who are really helping us women to prioritize not only our health, not only our well-being, but our health and ensuring that we're showing up for ourselves and for each other in the most meaningful and intentional ways. So thank you so much for allowing for me to share my story and to share allow you and allowing me to share the work that I do with the Bexa Equity Alliance.

SPEAKER_00 51:02

Absolutely. Anytime. And for anyone who's listening or watching our show, and even if you enjoyed this, if it's touched you in any capacity, please, please, please share it with someone else. That's how our podcast continues to grow. That's how people get able to listen to us wherever they get their podcast. And be sure to like, subscribe, and we'll see you guys on the next show. Thank you. Bye guys. Thank you, T. Thank you, ladies. That was so good.