S2 | EP 17: The Real Reason Having a Man is Embarrassing

Remember when a flower crown filter could fix a bad day? We start with that 2016 nostalgia and follow it straight into a candid look at modern relationships, where soft launches protect hearts, public breakups stir the timeline, and privacy becomes a power move. From A$AP Rocky’s thoughtful take on monogamy and timing to the Christy and Desmond split, we unpack how celebrity narratives and social media trends quietly rewrite our dating scripts.

We talk about the psychology of posting a partner: why soft launches exist, how “is having a boyfriend embarrassing?” became a viral question, and what happens when love is treated like content. You’ll hear real stories about infidelity, embarrassment, and resilience, plus the unseen risks of oversharing with friends who aren’t truly in your corner. This isn’t a finger-wag at social media; it’s a practical guide to protecting your dignity, honoring your boundaries, and building a relationship that can breathe off-camera.

We also explore the branding debate: does posting your partner dilute your personal brand? Our answer is nuanced. Love can live online without taking over your identity, especially when you lead with values, empathy for singles navigating a tough dating market, and a clear sense of self. The throughline is simple: choose yourself—whether that means leaving, staying, or staying quiet—and let your actions align with what you actually want, not what the algorithm rewards.

If you’ve ever wondered when to reveal, what to hide, or how to handle the internet’s opinions about your love life, this conversation will steady you. Listen, reflect, and then tell us: signs or full reveal? Subscribe, share with a friend who needs clarity, and drop your take on our Speakpipe so we can feature your voice next time.

Transcript

Morning Banter & 2016 Nostalgia

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Like the couples that be on social media, those be the ones that be cheating in NDM.

SPEAKER_03 0:07

Hey elevators, welcome back to another episode. We are back again and we're gonna have a really good show. Before we get into our topic, girl, I know we are shooting pretty early. People don't know what time it is right now.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

I am exhausted. Amanda is thriving. This is her like power hours in the morning. I'm a night owl. I'm half asleep, so bear with me.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

I am a morning person, y'all. I really don't, I'm gonna be honest. I don't know if I really want to be a morning person, but I feel like I've always kind of been. Um, but yeah, this is this is probably like a time that I'm thriving. Speaking of thriving, girl, I don't know if you've been seeing it on social media, but us girls gotta give our ourselves a pat on the back because 2016 is trending and a lot of my friends still look the same from 2016.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Oh, I'm scared to look at that 20, like any photos of me in 2016. I know. I just know they all have that Snapchat filter. I know with the flower crown. No, I was like, The dog filter? I love the dog filter.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

It was so cute. By the way, the dog filter is back. They probably for nostalgia purposes. They probably like, does it hit the same though? I think Snap well, Snapchat is definitely like, I feel like where it's at a little bit more. Like it's it's like where it's at now. Like people are using the app a lot more, but it feels the same. Like I used it, I was like, oh, this just reminded me of like 2016. Like when you use those dog filters and the flower filter, just the world just felt easy.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Like a better place.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

Yeah, it felt easier.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Summer, okay, 2016. That's when Drake dropped summer. Um Hotline Bling was a popular song during 2016. It was it summer 16?

SPEAKER_03 1:48

I think it was summer 16. Hotline bling, yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Mm-hmm. Hotline bling came out in twenty 2016. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:54

2016. I was looking it up. I'm like, the Life of Pablo album was out that time. Oh, there were so many, like, oh my gosh. Fetty Wap. Remember Fetty Wap? Fetty Wap. He sure did have a run. Not remember Fetty Wap for real, but you know, like when he first came out, like that was around that time. Like, I was looking at like a 2016 playlist of like songs that came out, and I was like, this didn't feel like that long ago. Like, it's kind of crazy.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

So funny how like trends go from one small thing to like this one really big thing. I'm sure people are putting together playlist like 2016 playlists now, just to like bring that some, like bring themselves back to that time. I also think it's funny how we do that as like human beings, like in retrospect. We're always like, oh my god, that time was so good. Like it wasn't that bad. But when you're in the moment, sometimes things feel so like draining and like there's not an end of the tunnel. And little do you know, like you're having the best time of your life.

Why We Crave Easier Times Online

SPEAKER_03 2:50

Facts. And you know what I think it is too? People need a break from reality. So I feel like we're using 2016 right now to go back to when life felt so much easier than what it is right now. Cause it just feels like we we need we need something to take the edge off. Remember when people were doing the cigarette thing? We just need a little stuff to take the edge off. That's how this social media trend is like kind of like taking a wave. But speaking of trends, I think we should jump right on into hot topics.

Housekeeping: Reviews And Speakpipe

SPEAKER_03 3:16

But before we do that, make sure you guys are like, commenting, and subscribing to our platform, podcasts, YouTube, wherever that you are listening to our podcast. And also leave comments, reviews, and the speak pipe, y'all. We want to hear from you. So definitely tap into the speak pipe. But girl, the news has been jumping this week.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Yeah. Wait, before we jump into the news, I just want to say every time I step outside, somebody says they listen to this podcast.

Setting The Theme: Relationships Online

SPEAKER_01 3:40

And I'm gonna need y'all in our speak pipe, okay? Come tell us in our speak pipe. Yes. Go ahead. Sorry. Okay, news.

SPEAKER_03 3:45

So a couple of things came out. And just to kind of give you guys a taste of what we're gonna be talking about, our podcast is going to be on relationships. As you know, we talk about relationships on the show, whether it's friendships or, you know, like monogamous relationships, but this is gonna be a relationship episode. But there was a couple of things that came out. So ASAP Rocky did a podcast. It's called the Popcast. Um, it's a New York Times podcast where he talked about music and also tapped into his relationship. Then, as we know, Christy, Sarah, and Desmond are on the rocks. So that's something else that came out. So I was talking to Crystal and I'm like, girl, Vogue put out an article late last year about is having a boyfriend embarrassing? Yeah, is it embarrassing? So I just feel like this is so like on brand for this podcast episode. I know that that it came out late last year, but it still resonates, and I feel like it still makes sense for us to talk about it today.

A$AP Rocky, Rihanna & Monogamy

SPEAKER_03 4:38

So let's let's tap into the ASAP Rocky thing. He just had a new album come out, and one of the key points of the art of this, of his actual interview, he touched on his relationship. He's a father of three now. He is in a relationship with the billionaire, the big Rihanna. Okay. And he was saying how like women really are wired so differently that they really will like let you realize who's really your friend and who's not. And I was like, I felt that because we really have like our significant others, our boyfriends, our friends, our husbands, their best interests and heart. Our intuition and our discernment can pinpoint when something is for you and when it's not against, when it's against you. So he touched on that. He was saying how, like, you know, he's happy that he was able to be in this relationship with her now, because he can appreciate it a lot more than, you know, maybe let's say some years back, because he probably wasn't ready for that type of relationship. Um, so I was really happy that he said that because it's real. Like, I know I do it sometimes. I'll be like, this person is not your friend. That person, I don't know, watch out for them. Cause you just get the vibes, even if you don't know the ins and out in ins and outs of somebody. We just really have that intuition about us.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

You know what it is? It's because like not only do we have intuition and discernment, but like when you're standing you when you're with your partner, you're seeing things from a different angle. It's like, what is it in filming where it's like the third wall or something like that? It's like you're seeing things from that angle where you're like, oh no, I see the plays that are happening here, and like this is what you should do, especially because you obviously you have your best your partner's like best interest at heart. But it's so dope to see like men who are in the spotlight coming from that perspective, like, yo, being married is cool, being monogamous is cool, like just promoting that energy, especially in the sort of tone of society we live in today where everybody is kind of like irreplaceable, right? Like no, I was gonna say everybody is driven and navigated by social media, which is super scary because social media is obviously we all know this, but like is not real life. And even like down to like how they how they date and stuff like that, they let social media play into it so much, whether it's like women only going out with men for a meal or men, you know, saying we gotta split the bit, like whatever it is, like those are just some things that came off the top of my head. But whatever it is, people allow like

Social Media’s Grip On Dating Norms

SPEAKER_01 7:04

the conversations on social media to really dictate what happens in their real life, and it's scary. So, anyways, I think it's dope to hear somebody in his position talk about how positive it is to like, you know, be settled down, be in a monogamous relationship. And I mean, I just think they go together real bad. Like, they seem like like Rihanna has always seemed like a very real, like down-to-earth person. So it comes as no surprise that you know she's dating somebody who's like super down-to-earth like ASAP Rocky, you know?

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

I agree. I want us to learn a lesson here as we're gonna talk about like the next topic. We have to stop idolizing relationships that we know nothing about on the internet. We need to take a step back. I think we can appreciate things, right? We can appreciate that they're doing well and that, you know, they're just in a positive light online. But when people break up or when people like separate on the internet, I think that we as a society, as a as you're online, we have to like stop thinking like these things can't happen. Like people break up every day. Like, people break up every day, B. Like people don't, people don't stay in relationships. It's okay. But I think it's it's just it's weird to me when I see people on the internet and they're like idolizing relationships and people that don't even know them, number one. That also they know nothing about.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Honestly, it's so crazy. I always talk about this with my boyfriend, like being a social media couple in general is it's just scary because obviously, like when you're consuming videos and stuff like that, you're always seeing like the good side. So when you hear something like, oh, such and such is splitting up, you're like, no way, because you forget that they're like real human beings and all you see is positivity, which is why like what we consume is so crazy because it really, it really does dictate the way you think about things in the slightest ways, and you don't even realize it. So, anyways, Desmond and Christy Scott, aka

Stop Idolising Internet Couples

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Christy Sarah, are getting a divorce. They have been together for I think 16 years since they were like 14. And they are officially getting a divorce because he cheated. And a lot of mixed feelings, a lot of opinions, why which is why it's so hard to be like a couple in the public eye because you you're instantly opening up yourself to scrutiny, whether you like it or not. Um, so they are getting a divorce. There was a video that surfaced online of him making out with a girl in the club, and people are speculating. Like, you know, he made a whole Instagram post talking about like how he previously asked Christy for a divorce and she didn't want one. So, you know, he went about things in the wrong way and he shouldn't have cheated, but you know, he always wanted out of the relationship. It was crazy because it was like he he just really had to talk,

Christy & Desmond Split: Public Fallout

SPEAKER_01 9:59

which is funny in itself. Like he just had to say something, he didn't stay quiet, but Christy has been quiet as a mouse, as you already know. We us girls, we just know we know what to do, you know?

SPEAKER_03 10:09

Yeah, and actually, I was gonna say, yeah, actually, I don't know if you've seen it on Instagram, but she recently said something about her being in the same address. So I know that was definitely her team's doing, potentially, where they were like, girl, we we know this is going on, but we need you to say something. And then I just seen on the internet that Desmond put something about being in a new, totally new address or something like that. You guys can look on the socials and see exactly what it was, but they both basically posted them living in two separate areas to like really confirm and put the nail in the coffin that this is kind of like an end of an era.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

When I heard the news though, I was like, please don't let this be PR. Because that I'm sorry, they are that couple. Like they are the couple, I mean, you see it in their videos, crazy, you know, like that's just how they are. They're like very like staged, which is fine. It's like rage bait. However, you know, I was like, please don't let this because like that's just one of them things that like you can't play with, but I don't think it's PR now. Like now that like videos and surfaces stuff, I'm like, ooh, that's crazy. Um but anyways, I think the bigger question here is like how seeing, you know, some couples do really well, like ATAP Rocky and Rihanna so far, and then some couples do well and then fall off, like Desmond and Christy. It really shapes, like I said, the way we act, like as users of social media in terms of like, are we posting our man? Are we not posting our man? You always, you know, the soft launch always happens. It's like a little hand and it's a little arm, and you get the profile, you know, like little by little. And it's so crazy how these things like really shape the way we act with ourselves and our personal life. And I think that as somebody who uses social media, I am hyper private about things in my relationship because of that. Because I don't want nobody's opinion, because we be fighting, because we don't be fighting. You get what I'm saying? Like, my relationship is very real. So I try to be very cognizant of like what I post, when I post, and you know, like just not being transparent because that's one of those things where it's like my relationship, I don't need to be transparent. And I could feel Christy and Desmond like in terms of not sharing like the negative side and like the arguments or whatever, because not everybody wants to share the transparency in their relationship, you know?

SPEAKER_03 12:21

Yeah, though this is that's a that's a real feeling. And you know what? I kind of want to relate it back to like us working in the media industry for a second before we jump into the article because I feel like I don't know about you, but I feel like there was a such thing like coming up, and I used to hear this all the time about like just different celebrities, where there was like an ageism thing or there was like a relationship thing where people didn't speak about like their age or didn't speak about being in relationships because they may have appeared unfavorable to their fans or people that support them. Um, I think for myself, a lot like you, I feel the same way. I'm like, my relationship is very real. It got it has its highs and its lows. And at this point in my life, I also am not signing up to be like a family or relationship Instagram creator. Content creator. I feel content creator, yeah. Yeah. So I think also on the flip side of that, I just be like deleting things. Like I'm just not in the space that if something goes wrong, I have to delete pictures or I have to delete this person and exit them off my life. I know there's some people that are so carefree, and I wish I could have

Soft Launches, Privacy, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_03 13:28

that kind of attitude when it relates to like relationships online. But I'm just super private as well. And, you know, I know we probably both have our own reasonings for why we are like that as it relates to relationships. But I just feel like some things, like I really do genuinely feel, and it's not even just uh my man or being in a relationship, it's even with family sometimes. I don't want to share like certain family aspects online because it's something that's so precious and sacred to me that I'm like, it's not for everybody. It's not for just regular consumer consumption for me.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

Um but not everybody knows to know, not everybody needs to know how many men you went you you done had in the last two to three years. You know, that's a whole nother like ball game of scrutiny where people are like, oh my gosh, she's dating somebody else new now, or whatever the case may be. Like sometimes you just don't, you don't need people in your business like that.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

Yeah, no, I agree. I agree. I remember when they were like getting on Lori Harvey about like her dating, her dating timeline and the different people she talked to. But I do feel like people should date how they want, but I I agree with you. Like, everybody doesn't need to be in your business. So this is just so funny, and well, not the the divorce aspect, but this is just so funny that we're talking about this topic because Vogue put out an article in October for the British Vogue, and Shantae Joseph was the person who wrote the actual article. And the article is was literally titled, Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? Yes. And in the article.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Yeah, short answer, yes.

SPEAKER_03 14:57

Because it was like you don't get the right one, yes. If you don't get the right one, yes, that is true. But in the article, she was more or less phrasing it as like a question to women because she's seen online, like you mentioned, a lot of people would post like the hand or the shoulder or the silhouette, or like you know, somebody was with another man. They may have two wine glasses at a table, but you never knew who said man was. And a lot of women, I think she talked to different women. A lot of them were saying like they didn't want to deal with the embarrassment of like posting this man, having to delete things, or just wanting to be overall private. And you guys do your own digging into the article. We'll definitely leave a link in our bio of the article. But it just brings us to a great podcast topic because I think we both offer a very interesting perspective on this conversation, being that we're in the social media and media space and we both are in relationships. So I gotta ask, we both agree that it is embarrassing, but why do we feel like it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend right now?

SPEAKER_01 15:57

Or why why? Separately from the fact that even a golden retriever is a dog. Um I think I don't think they're gonna catch that. I don't think they're gonna. Oh, they they bet they better catch that. Run that back, okay? Um, but I think that, I mean, because not all men are dogs, but you know, even the good ones, they still dogs sometimes. But in their own way. But anyways, so I think that the real reason we are embarrassed is because we are scared of a public breakup and what that comes with. I think that right now we live in a time where

Media Careers, Branding, And Love

SPEAKER_01 16:36

women are very independent, which is great, but with that, I think inheritedly we have become a little more cold and it's very vulnerable to share your relationship online because people see that you're in love and you're like, oh my God, like, you know, like they see the sweet side of you, and it's just like a different, very like intimate space that you're letting people into. And I think that again, right now, women are very independent, so it's even more sacred to us now. You know, like back in the day, women were always like, oh my god, I got a husband, and like it was like their gold star. But now we're like, okay, we got other things going on and like relationships and stuff and like that is a bit more secondary, but it's even more sacred to us now. Yeah. In my opinion. Because nobody wants to go through a heartbreak, you know, publicly. It's embarrassing. Even going through a heartbreak, you know, and your family knowing about it, that alone feels very embarrassing. So I I think that we do soft launches and stuff like that because A, we're just making sure that the men are who they say they are, but also we're like protecting ourselves, protecting our hearts, protecting our character, and protecting like our vulnerability.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

Yeah. And don't break up with that man and you being and you be Caribbean. They're gonna be asking you about that man. They're gonna be asking you about that man every single holiday. No, but I do agree with you. I think that, you know what's so interesting? I feel like I've always been private as it relates to my relationship. Like when I was in college, I think I posted my like my boyfriend at the time. But after college, like a little bit on the latter end of that, I feel like I was always like a super private relationship type of person because of that. Because yes, I do think men are embarrassing a lot of the times. Um, but I think that when something is not permanent, it's even more embarrassing. Because it's like boyfriend is not husband. There's levels, right? And not to say a husband can't be embarrassing because they can. But I do think that if something you don't know is gonna last forever, why do I need to share it with everybody?

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Um, and I just think to your point, I would, I would dispute that with like, well, if you don't think it's gonna last forever, why are you even wasting your time?

SPEAKER_03 18:44

Well, I'm saying in the moment, like, not in the moment. Like, you don't, you don't go into relationships thinking like, oh, this one's not gonna last. But also, like, I'm in my 20s. I'm gonna be honest, I didn't think any of the men I dated in my 20s was my husband. But I was dating. Like I was casually dating, right? I was in relationships. I wasn't in relationships. Some relationships felt more closer to that than others, but at the core, at my true core,

Why Having A Boyfriend Feels Embarrassing

SPEAKER_03 19:10

dang, I'm saying a lot. I didn't really think those were my husbands. No, that's just for sure. Yeah. I also was dating in a different mindset. Like, think about it. When I was in my 20s, like I was in New York, I was like hustling, I was trying to get it. Like, I wasn't in like a mindset, a mind state where I was like, oh, like I want to settle down right now. You know what I mean? Maybe before I, like a little bit before I moved to like that, in between after college, right before I moved to New York, maybe I felt like that. But when I got to New York, I was like, no, that's not. That's not what I'm focused on right now, right? Yeah. So um, yeah, I do think that. I think something that doesn't feel permanent just never to me felt like it should go online. Now, in the close friends, yes. Like, do my close friends know what's going on? Yes, absolutely. And I think that that's fine. I think it's okay to keep some stuff to yourself.

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Going back to embarrassing, I think one, you know, coming off of the Christy Sarah stuff, what was most embarrassing is like him cheating. Because obviously we automatically like feel like, dang, wasn't me. What did I do? Like it almost organic, like naturally, the not the blame, but eyes go to, oh, what's wrong with this person? Like, why did she get cheated on? Or why did he get cheated on? You know? And I think that's a part of like the embarrassment, quote unquote. So my question for you is have you ever been cheated on? And did you feel embarrassed?

SPEAKER_03 20:38

Yeah, absolutely. I feel like more women have been cheated on than they'd like to admit. But yeah, for myself, yeah, I have, I have been. And was it embarrassing? It was embarrassing, but also was just, I was just disgusted. Like you ever just look at somebody, you're just like disgusted with them? Like, I feel like the person I'm literally thinking about, my ex at the time, I think he was kind of like insinuating the cheating as a flex. And I was just more or less like, that's not gonna keep me here. Like, that's not gonna make me stay here. Um, so it's that's weird. I'll paint the picture um for you guys a little bit. So me and this person were, and it was it was done so like tasteless, and we were out of town. And this is how embarrassing men really are. My ex at the time flew me to a different state. This is a serious relationship, by the way, because he wanted us to look at houses. Okay. This is like I'm hitting the picture for you guys. He wanted us to look at houses to move into together. Like he was thinking this was like a forever thing, right? Or we both were moving in that space. And something happened on the trip. It went left, and we both kind of got into an argument. And that night that we got into the argument, he went out like to the club or like went out with his friends or whatever. The next morning, we're both still fighting because I'm like, like, we're arguing, whatever, blah zé blah. Then he gets a text message and it's from a girl, and she's like, Oh my gosh, it was so great seeing you last night, da da da. And I'm like, No. We're not even home, like we're out of state. Did I did I tell you I'm just repeating that part for you guys? Looking at houses, right? So I'm like, you're gonna cheat, you're gonna take me, like it's just it was just like it was ridiculous. And I'm sure like there's been so many other crazy stories, right? But that one was really like very, very ridiculous to me because I'm like, just the optics, like I'm literally going to another state to look. Girl, it was it was just bad. Like at that point, I was like, absolutely not, like I'm out. Like I just can't, like, this is not no. So to answer your question, yes, therapy, because what the hell? Girl, yeah. So to to to to answer your question, yes, I have been cheated on. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Is it hurtful? Absolutely. Have I dealt with heartbreak more times than I'd like to admit? But what I love about us women is just our resilience and how we're able to overcome these situations. Like even with the Desmond and Christy Sarah thing, they're gonna overcome it. They're both gonna probably, you know, figure it out whether they get back together or they find other significant others, these things don't last forever. And I think that that's something that I've learned from every situation where there was infidelity, is like in the moment we feel like it's the whole world, right? But looking back on hindsight, like

Cheating Stories And Public Shame

SPEAKER_03 23:20

this was so long ago, the story I'm just telling you guys, I don't I could care less. I could tell it to you guys like jokingly, because I'm like, this man really like, yes, like you know what I mean. But I feel like once you heal and you get over the hump and you like really get past it, there's definitely like, you know, light at the end of the tunnel for anybody that's going through infidelity right now. But I'm gonna pose the same question to you. Like, have you ever dealt with that? And like, how did you feel?

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah, so I felt a lot of things. Not only I felt I felt embarrassed, I felt played. And I also felt like like I'm the type of person I always take a lesson out of something, and I said, oh, can't trust nobody, and I don't want no more friends. So let me tell you what happened. Um, I this was my friends. My gosh. So this is when I was really young, and it just really taught me how not no more friends, but like it really taught me how to navigate people at an arms like distance. So basically, I was super young and I had this like little boyfriend or whatever. And there was a girl in my neighborhood who, like all the kids in my neighborhood, knew each other, hung out, or whatever. She growing up, she wasn't necessarily like my friend. I just knew who she was. She was friends with like some people that I was friends with, but she had like a boyfriend and they were together for a long time. And long story short, fast forward, her and the boyfriend break up. Like him and I were like just talking or whatever, and she found out and she was like, Oh my god, like that's so crazy. I'm like, girl, we're not, we're literally like not friends. I just know you, whatever. Um, and fast forward, I mean, she dates somebody else. I, you know, fast forward time some more. Now I'm in like this relationship, and like I go to school in a completely different area that's not in my neighborhood, and fast forward a little more. Then my boyfriend at the time gets transferred to a school in my neighborhood, and you know, her and I are like, now we're cool. Like now we're like talking and now we're like, you know, creating a little bit of relationship. And she was like, Oh, like, can you um like come over and like dye my hair? I was like, Oh yeah, like I've always been so like hands-on and like good at everything. So I was like, Yeah, I'll come over, like I'll dye your hair. No, honestly, like I would have been um a hairstylist if anything else fails. Cause like I'm really good with hair. But anyways, I believe you. I believe you. Um, so fast forward, I go over, I dye this girl's hair red. Fast forward, weeks pass by, I wouldn't be like, we're so cool, but I I this is blurried. My best friend at the time tells me that she was told by my boyfriend at the time's best friend that he cheated. And I'm like, what? That's crazy. And they're like, yeah, you know, like he cheated with some girl in that new school, like in your neighborhood, um, like some redhead, like white girl, whatever, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, that's wild. Like, I ended up bringing it to his attention. And I'm like, yo, like, who's this redhead, whatever? Like, and I don't remember what it was, but no, I think he ended up telling me, I was like, like, I like I made him tell me who it was. And he told me the name, and I was like, wait, from my neighborhood, and he was like, Wait, you know her? And I'm like, You're such a clown. Like, I think he had like something like a name of mine on him because long story short, what happens was I guess like he was hanging out in the neighborhood. You know, like after school, you would just hang out, and she had seen that she had seen A, pictures on social media um that we were together, and B, like seeing him in person. I think he had like something of mind that she was able to identify, and because of that, she pushed up on him. So I was like, You're a clown, because she just used you as a pawn, and then she had told him, like, oh, like she literally just straight up was like, Yeah, I'm trying to get back at her for dating such and such. Years later, after I done dyed this girl's hair red, and now this is the redhead that I am being cheated on with, and she used him as a pawn just to get back at me. And I was like, wait, girl, we were like in middle school. What are you are you crazy?

SPEAKER_03 27:24

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

So weird. So that just really taught me, like, hey, I ain't dying nobody's hair, no, no more.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

Yeah, because I'm like, what did you do? Like, why would first of all, I started putting two to two together.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

I'm like, wait, redhead, she says she knows me. I'm like, is this is this no way. I was just with her a couple weeks ago, and there was no animosity. All of a sudden, like, you fake when I get back at me about something like, girl, you're weird. People are weird. I just, child. I just now that really taught me how to navigate people who are not like my close friends. Girl habits.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

It's scary. And you know what? I think I've talked about me losing a friend over a man before. That's probably another cheating story. You guys have to probably go look at that episode. But yeah, you'd be surprised. Some people that are your friends are really jealous of you. And they really like you don't really realize this sometimes, but some people really want what you have and want like to experience things that you experience. And it's kind of scary because you don't really, some of these people could be close friends. Like, I've heard plenty of stories like that. So they it's Which is what they say. They say, I don't know if this is like a Caribbean thing or whatever, but like you don't tell certain aspects of your man with your homegirls or with your friends. Like you don't, you don't share every detail. Because some people may look at their situation like, well, I don't have that. I'm not experiencing that. And then you done opened up a can of worms.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

I have a question. I'm gonna pose a scenario and and you tell me where you stand

Friends, Jealousy, And Trust

SPEAKER_01 28:50

on it. Okay. Okay. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

I have some, I have some in my mind too that I want to I want to post to you.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

So let's do it. Okay. So he's your boyfriend, but you never post him. What do you think about that? True, because that's how I currently operate.

SPEAKER_03 29:05

I post my boyfriend, close friends, like I told you, like it's it's like the people who need to know, they know. However, I don't not post my boyfriend online because like I'm embarrassed or I don't want to share it or anything like that. But I'm very much a girl who is private. And I think the things that mean the most to me, I don't want to have to feel like I need to share it. Um, I feel like my social media is very much like personal branding. Like it's me who I am. Like I want people to get to know me. I don't want to be like, oh, my boyfriend becomes my whole personality. Like, I don't want any of those lines to be, to be blurred or to cross. And also, I do think that um people are nosy. Like people just really want to know your business. And it's not because they may have the best interests at heart. People do prey on your downfall. Let's also be very mindful of that. Then the last part is like, if I'm married, will I make it a public thing? More than likely, yes. Like I think that that's more permanent, right? When you're married, well, hopefully we want we want it to be permanent, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:06

According to today's topic's not that permanent.

SPEAKER_03 30:09

I know, but I'm I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

But yes, you would hope that it's permanent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

I'm the hopeless romantic. All right, we're not laughing at Christy. We're just laughing at the same time. Not at all. The hopeless romantic and the um, you know, trying to be super positive person that I am, like, of course, you want the best for you and with your relationship. So yeah, I think that I love when girls pop out and they're married and you're like, dang, you had a boyfriend, you had a real you were in a relationship. I love that. I love the soft launches when they're engaged. Like that is like my favorite thing. So I got one for you.

SPEAKER_01 30:37

I'm with you. I'm with you on that. But for me, I do think if you don't even post signs, that's a red flag. No, yeah. That's the short answer. Absolutely. Like at least flower, like you know, like you gotta at least post signs that there's somebody in your life because that to me is where it becomes secretive. There's a very thin line there. But okay, you go.

SPEAKER_03 30:56

Absolutely. So this is a scenario I want to give you. Soft launching on social media after six months. What's your take?

SPEAKER_01 31:05

Yeah, no, no, no, for sure. I'm I'm soft launch, mommy. Like, you're gonna see signs. You know the meme where there will be signs. I hit the lotto, there will be signs.

unknown 31:13

There will be signs.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

There will be signs.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

But a hand, something. You gonna know. But even when I'm like,

Posting Rules: Signs vs Secrets

SPEAKER_01 31:21

my man is just so private and like he don't even have social media. He don't be tripping, which I appreciate because we talk about this all the time. Like the couples that be on social media, those be the ones that be cheating and in DMs. You don't know how many times I'll I'll somebody will message me and they are married. Yo, you have to be, yo, men. I don't like that. Listen, okay, I got one for you.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

Men are so embarrassing for real.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

This is so this article is so on point. Posting your boyfriend ruined your brand.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

No.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

I don't think you all, you brand mommy.

SPEAKER_03 31:59

Yeah, I don't think posting my boyfriend ruins my brand at all. I feel like being in love is a beautiful thing. I think that people should want to spread that even more. I think when I shared, like that me and my boyfriend, we both equally don't post. And by the way, there's like you said, there's signs. If you really do enough digging on my page, my boyfriend is on several posts on my page. I'm on his page. Find them. Yeah, like you can find it. However, we're not like in your face with it. And here's also, you want to know also my reasoning for that. Um, so to answer your question, no, I don't feel like it ruins my brand. I think that love is who I am. Like I think that it's a part of just me as a person. Like, I'm just a very loving person. So why not want to show that I'm also too in love, right? Why not? Why wouldn't I want to share that? And again, I think it's more or less one, like it's a more permanent like marriage or ring. Like, yes, absolutely. I'd be definitely more open to that. Um, but I think in this climate right now, a lot of people aren't going through it. Like they're not in relationships. A lot of people are sad that they're not in relationships. A lot of women are struggling to date because the dating pool is just like, girl, like it's just horrible. So I also come from the notion of I don't want to be so showy with, oh my God, look at me. Like, this is what I'm going through, or these are the highs of my relationship or the lows of my relationship when there's people that are struggling to even find a partner. Like there's people that are struggling that want to be in a relationship like badly and they can't because they can't find the right person. So like I kind of side with women like that. I side with women who are going through it, who want to be in a partnership or have a relationship with somebody. And then you have the girls on internet, on the internet, then you have the girls on the internet who are like super like out loud with their happy go-lucky relationship, but you may not even know behind closed doors, it may not be that. And like I feel for women like that who are like literally struggling right now in the dating world.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

Let me tell you something. If you are one of those women and you are listening, here's my quick word of advice before we move on to the next topic. Stop looking. Stop looking. Because when you're looking, I don't know

Brand Impact And Empathy For Singles

SPEAKER_01 34:05

what it is about looking, you just don't find it. Let it come to you. It will come to you. Keep focusing on you, keep focusing on your growth. That energy right there will attract and like it's like a magnet. And they just do you. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:20

Um wait, I have something for you. Okay. Do you do you think it's cooler to appear single online versus actually not be single in real life?

SPEAKER_01 34:29

I think people make look being English press one. Um, I think people make being single look fun online. And to each its own, maybe it is fun for them. But I don't know if it's cooler to look single online. I actually never thought about that. But I do think people do a really good job of making it look cool. But I mean, I think it's human nature too that sometimes you look in the mirror, you're like, damn, I I wish I could cattle right out, you know?

SPEAKER_03 35:00

So Yeah, I think that overall what I'm also wanting to echo on our episode today is in relationships, whether you're in one or not, have your own identity, right? You have to be your own person. And I think it echoes a lot where when you're not on when you're not in a relationship, we want to still be able to see that you still exist as yourself, right? Like as your own, your own personal, like your own personal person, like your own human being. Like we want to see who you are at your core outside of those relationships. And because I know you mentioned choosing yourself, which is I think is huge. And also, like when you're not in these relationships, work on yourself. Like work on the things that you need to work on to be the person that you would want to date, right? As however that may look like to you, whether that's like doing the work on personal healing, whether that's like, you know, saying words of affirmation to yourself all the time, every day, that you are worthy of, you know, receiving love in the proper form or in the proper way. Like I think that we as women just always have to like love on ourselves outside of being in those relationships. Like just really at our core, just show up as ourselves, you know?

SPEAKER_01 36:09

Yeah. And I think, you know, just going back to that topic we're talking about, looking at the Christy and Desmond thing. For me, I'm just so proud she chose herself. Yeah. Like I am so happy for her because I mean, she drew the line and she stuck to it. And it's not an easy thing to go through, just not only publicly, but just privately. It's not easy whatsoever to be with somebody for X amount of years and then everything falls apart. You I mean, think about it. Like, there's people moving out the house, there's kid schedules, like there's so many different pieces involved. And I will say, like, I choosing yourself could very much look different. There are women who uh choose to stay, but that's still a form of choosing yourself because you're doing what you want to do, regardless of what anybody thinks. And I think that's the most important thing. Like, that's what choosing yourself looks like. Doing what you want to do and what's best for you,

Identity Outside Your Relationship

SPEAKER_01 37:04

whether that means to leave or to stay, whatever that looks like, continue to choose yourself, put yourself first. Everything else will fall into place. So I'm just really proud of her for choosing herself.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

Yeah, and I know so many women are probably inspired by that because it's like it really shows that it's okay to start over. Like it's okay to rebuild your life. It's okay to literally not be online and your identity is your relationship. It's you, it's getting back to you, getting back to the things that you love and just knowing that you should be loved in the proper way. Like we should never stay in situation. Like, I also like come from the the the notion that yes, I don't really want to, I don't want to believe in divorces, right? But sometimes they have to, they have to happen, right? Sometimes people do have to get a divorce because like there's no way that we can repair this. So I think we have to be okay with starting over. And that's just really at the at the core. But this was a really great conversation. I hope you guys enjoyed our chat on this topic. And if there are other topics or things that you guys want us to talk on, please tap into the speakpipe. It's on our website, elevators.com. Make sure you guys are like, commenting, and subscribing to our podcast. This is great.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

Yes, we'll catch you guys next time. I need a coffee. Girl, I just finished my tea, girl. Bye, guys. Bye, y'all. Thanks for watching.