S2 | EP 19: Smart Love: Red Flags & Real Talk

We pull apart the small, repeatable patterns that make or break modern dating: the partner who’s “nice on paper” but allergic to depth, the sleepover-without-a-title trap, and the way effort often fades the minute the chase is over. With Valentine’s noise all around, we ground the talk in practical, calm decision-making—how to enjoy romance without paying for it with your standards.

Not everything is a red flag. PDA preferences vary, and some people truly communicate better at night. The key is context and consistency: defined intentions, visible effort, and repair after conflict. We share candid stories—love-bombing that went nowhere, nurturing without over-giving, and how to “sample the vibe” without giving away the whole blueprint. Privacy can be healthy; secrecy is not. Your partner’s world should know you’re real even if the feed stays quiet.

If you’re navigating Valentine’s weekend, take what serves you and leave the rest. Believe patterns the first time, protect your time and emotional bandwidth, and choose the person who meets you in clarity, care, and accountability—on holidays and on regular Tuesdays. If this conversation made you think of someone, share it with them, and if it helped you, tap follow, leave a rating, and drop a review. Your support helps more listeners find a smarter way to love.

CHAPTERS
00:00 Intro
02:12 Miami Date Night And Restaurant Takes
04:54 Odd Valentine’s Day Origins
06:23 Game Setup: He Loves Me Or Not
07:22 The “Nice On Paper” Dilemma
10:14 Sleepovers Without Titles
13:47 Don’t Play House 
16:32 Night-Only Texter Debate
18:56 Who Plans The Dates
21:37 His Schedule, Your Afterthought
23:42 Conflict Avoidance And “Protecting Peace”
25:37 Private Affection, Public Distance
27:32 Privacy Or Secret Relationship
29:02 Final Reminders For Valentine’s Week

Transcript

Cold Open: Mixed Signals

SPEAKER_01 0:00

He's not into you. He he's into what you're into. Okay? I think wait. He's gay.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

I mean, hey elevators, welcome back. Your favorite duo. Hi.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Hi, welcome, welcome.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome to another episode. New episode. Hey y'all. That's

Welcome & Valentine’s Day Stance

SPEAKER_00 0:20

right. And if you haven't seen by the title, this episode is very Valentine's Day inspired for many reasons. But I have to say something because my girl got on black. So I was like, wait, are we doing the Valentine's Day episode? Because what you are we giving Valentine's Day energy?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Okay. We are, but I'm um I'm giving Grinch on Valentine. I'm just like, I've never been a big Valentine person. Especially like in my current relationship. I'm like, we don't need to do that. Like we do this all the time. Like we just let's sit this out. Okay. Let's sit this year out. No, every year out. No, literally, like I hate going out on Valentine's Day, like making it such a big deal. I'm just like, just give me a gift every month.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

I don't care about Valentine's Day. Right, because it's Valentine's Day every day around here. I hear that. We need that energy. Where is the energy at for the people who are getting Valentine's just on a regular Tuesday? Just like we need that energy. You know what's crazy?

Spending, Cards, And Capitalism

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Funny enough, Americans, because I've seen these random facts as we're getting up, getting ready for the show and just looking up some stuff. Americans on average spend, this is in 2025. $27.8 billion in revenue for Valentine's Day period. That's like cards, dinner, restaurants, vacations, like whatever it is that's around the Valentine's Day holiday. Even like a billion.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

Even elementary school, like students getting their teachers' stuff. Like it's just capitalism wins again.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Girl, that's the it's so Valentine's Day is the second holiday in history where people get cards. So it's Christmas is number one, Valentine's Day is number two, I believe. But it's the most call mark card holiday ever. So that's crazy. It's a money-making, it's

Miami Date Night And Restaurant Takes

SPEAKER_00 2:12

a money-making holiday.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

I love that. Well, more power to everybody who is spending money on Valentine's Day because it won't be me. I already did my little my little date night last week, and that was fun. That was very cute. Cute. You went to dinner? I did. I went to Rosa Negra here in Miami. If you guys have never been, please check it out. It was really good. Amanda has gone in the past, and she, I don't know what she ordered, but I thought she needs to go back and order what I ordered because the hamachi I had was so good. The salmon teradito was so good. The guac was fire. I had steak. It was good.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Ooh, I love some guac.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

My man had chicharrong, which he thought was good. I thought it was okay. Um and I had a sweet potato, like a like a grilled charred sweet potato that was fire. I liked everything I had. So yeah, we did date night last week. Oh, that's cute.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

See, you know what it is? I love, like, I always say this on social media, and I'm sure you guys probably always also feel the same way. Shout out to my people who feel like going and trying new restaurants is a love language because it really and truly is. But there's a caveat to it. I love trying new restaurants six weeks into the opening. Like, I don't want to try a restaurant the week of. And I think that's where I went wrong with Rosa Negra, is I tried it like it might have been week two of them opening. And I feel like at that point, restaurants, they're still figuring it out. Like they're still hiring. Like, so it was a mess.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

And I feel the same way about uh Casedona. When we went the second time, it was so good. But the first time I went to Casedona, I was like, what the heck is this? This food is terrible, it has to be in the water down here. But I feel that way a lot about the restaurants here in Miami. It's like you could you could either get aesthetics or you get good food. So anytime I find a restaurant that has both, I'm like, okay, put it on my list because people are always also asking me for restaurant recommendations down here. Yo, between restaurants and makeup artists, that's the number one like recommendations people always come to me for in Miami.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

I love that. Listen, in twenty in 2026, because I actually have said this to myself, I am going to do my own makeup.

DIY Makeup And Quick Housekeeping

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Like I'm not paying for makeup artists. Restaurant recommendations, yes. But in 2026, ladies, we need to do our own makeup. We're very well capable. It's just, I think you just need to find a time to do it consistently multiple times till you get the hang of it. But that's neither here nor there. That's just my my opinion on makeup artist bookings. But I feel like special occasions, yes, absolutely. Book a makeup artist. But for like every day going out to eat, restaurant, dinner date, we could do it. Absolutely not. I believe in you. I believe in you.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Yeah, with YouTube, come on, you got this.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Yes.

Odd Valentine’s Day Origins

SPEAKER_00 4:54

And if you're just joining us your first time being here for our podcast, make sure you like, comment, and subscribe. Um, we love getting all of the reviews that you guys send us all the time. Five-star reviews on Apple, Google, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast, YouTube, we are your girls. So we are doing a Valentine's Day themed show today. And I think to kick things off, girl, I found some random facts that I'm not sure the people know about Valentine's Day. So I wanted to kick things off with like two random facts that I don't think people really realized. So, Valentine's Day, the the actual holiday itself, the very first Valentine, okay? Listen up. The very first Valentine was sent by a man. His name was Charles Dukes, and he is a Charles Dukes is from New Orleans, right? He sent a love poem to his wife while he was in prison. The first Valentine ever known in history was sent from prison. That's how we kicked the holiday off. What in the love is happening here? Valentine's Day is the first Valentine was sent from prison. What does that say about us? America loves to imprison people. She said it. I agree. I agree. He probably ain't even doing that. Listen. He was apologizing from jail. He probably was like, sis, I love you. Don't be out there in um in the world trying to find love. I am here for you, and I'm locked up, and I just want you to know that your love is locked down, literally. Yeah, absolutely not. I don't want it.

Game Setup: He Loves Me Or Not

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Um, so I thought that was an interesting fact. Second, yeah, that is. You you know those conversation hearts that people used to get when you're in elementary school? It said, like, be mine, love you, XOXO, hearts and kisses, whatever, hugs and kisses. Those started out as medical lozenges. So they weren't like conversation hearts from the inception. Back in 1847, there was a Boston pharmacist whose name was Oliver Chase, right? And he invented this machine, which basically created a mass production of these throat lozenges that were meant to like, I guess, help people who had sore throat, right? And then in 1866, he actually put messages on them, and that's how they became conversation hearts. So basically, you make me sick is what the candy. I feel like the candy symbolized in the beginning. Interesting. I didn't know. What? Yeah, throat lozenges, those little heart candy hearts that we have gotten over time were really medicine. I mean, that makes sense. That's why they kind of look like

The “Nice On Paper” Dilemma

SPEAKER_00 7:22

medicine. They also taste like medicine. Like to me, they taste nasty. Like it doesn't, it tastes like Pepto Bismal. It does taste like I've never eaten. They were never, they were never good, in my opinion. Those were whatever before. Yeah, we never actually ate those things. Hate around that. Yeah, no, hated it so much.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

But in celebration of Valentine's Day and love, we're gonna play He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. And you already know we love giving advice on this podcast. So make sure you leave us a speak pipe if you want, you know, our insight on a situation you're dealing with. In the meantime, we're gonna play He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

We as women, like, yes, we want, we we we love the lovey dovey. Like, we wanna be um, you know, my man, my man, my man, my girl, my girl, my girl, or whatever it is that floats your boat. However, we gotta be smart, okay? We have to be smart. I was telling Crystal the other day, I seen a post about a girl who was talking about when she was coming up, I don't remember the creator's name. She was coming up, she was talking about how growing up, she was always trying to be the first at something, not realizing in hindsight that she was also the first, I think she said the first person to get married, but also the first person to get divorced. She said she wasn't taught the long game of sustainability. So I feel like we're approaching this episode from that perspective because we want to be smart. We all want to be love, everyone deserves love. The world operates and is a better place because of peace and love. But we ain't no dummy. Okay, we are not gonna get love and have love get the best of us. So this is the approach we're taking.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

This is the approach we're taking.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Okay, so first scenario. He never yells, never cheats, never disrespects you outright, but he also never initiates hard conversations, never deepens the relationship, and never really chooses you when it matters. You feel guilty questioning him because on paper he's nice. Is love supposed to feel safe, stagnant? What do you think? He loves me or he loves me not? So this scenario is really the good guy on paper.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

But you know that little voice and that intuition of yours that's fighting it, like it seems like something's off here very much.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

He loves me not. What do you think, Amanda? I definitely think he loves me not. Anyone who is not willing to be themselves in all elements, right? We want to see the good, the bad, the ugly, the happy, the sad. Like, I always am super apprehensive about being in a relationship or dating somebody that's always just too good to be true. We don't want the guy that's too good to be true, right? Because we as women, like, we have our flaws. Like, I want to know your flaws too. Let me tell you. So I was dating somebody, and this is kind of like similar to this situation,

Sleepovers Without Titles

SPEAKER_00 10:14

but he was like a love bomber, right? And for those who don't know what love bombing is, um that means they do all the things, they pull it out all the stops, right? Like the dates are like fire top five dates, top ten dates, whatever, like amazing. The gifts are amazing. Um, you feel like, oh my gosh, this person has an amazing job. They do great things, like, you know, they they have everything on paper, literally, right? But as time progresses with this said person, I was like, okay, so what are we doing here? Like what what what are our goals? What are we moving towards? Like, what is the direction of where we're gonna go? For the first time in my life, y'all. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say this with my chest. I was um, and that's it's me trying to find the words to say this to you guys, but I was ghosted. And I'm just like, wait a minute, ghosted, okay. When I say text silent, calls silent, a thing, right? Then I get a word that he was basically telling people that I was like looking for a relationship and all putting so much pressure, putting no pressure, right? Putting so much pressure on a situation. And I was like, okay, but the man put out all the stops, did everything, looked great on paper, was giving me the impression that that's the direction in which he was going. But then when it was time to have the real serious conversation and get down to the business, he wasn't. He wasn't man enough for me. Okay. So period. Period. Um, on to better and on to bigger and better things. But it's just funny because I feel like as women, we get so caught up in especially us successful, career-driven boss women, right? We know we bring everything to the table. So sometimes I feel like we overlook like when a man's not, when a man has everything and it also appears to be as such, but doesn't like really give us like the serious, like open up what he like what he's really about. Like tells us, like, you know, his deepest, darkest secrets. Like that is a red flag to me. Like, no, instantly.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

I have to disagree. I think that he loves me. Really? Yes. Because honestly, I think we are so programmed to believe that, like, oh, there always has to be like a little tussle in the relationship, not physical tussle, but like there has to be like friction sometimes, like you have to go through arguments and all this stuff. But like, if that person, if that man is not argumentative and you know, might not go back and forth with you, that doesn't mean he doesn't care. He just is not gonna go back and forth with you. And quite frankly, me either. So I can very much understand that. However, if he if you feel like he's not choosing you when it's important, I think that's a different story. But I'm talking about like the laid-back guy who is not gonna argue with you, who is going to just show better and like show up better, and and actions will speak louder than words. I'm okay with that. He loves me.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

You and I don't need to. Okay, so so even if he doesn't like open up, you feel like okay, maybe the love is

Don’t Play House vs Tease Of Home

SPEAKER_00 13:15

still there. Because I want to know everything. I'm in your business.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

I just feel like I just feel like why not? Not everybody is argumentative, not everybody wants to fight, not everybody wants to go through that sort of stuff in a relationship. So if you're not, if if that person you're speaking to is not like, you know, trying to go head to head with you, that's okay. Some people are just not like that. And maybe you should go get therapy because that's how safe. Why do you want to fight in your relationship? Like, I'd rather just have a conversation and move on. I don't know. No, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

So here's another scenario, right? We're talking dating, and maybe like this is like dating for months phase, right? So you're dating this guy, you are sleeping over his house now consistently. Like you're being, you're over there, and this is like a place that you you you're familiar with, right? You know where things are at, right? You know where the pots and pans are at, you know where everything is. And um, he lets you sleep over. He has a toothbrush for you, but he won't call you his girlfriend. Does he love you or does he love you not? Like you have a drawer of things there. Your items exist here. What would you say?

SPEAKER_01 14:20

I think you there for a good time, not long time.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

Like why? Yo, you know what that made me think about though, honestly and truthfully, was if you are a lover of sex in the city, you know exactly where I'm going with this. Carrie was at Mr. Biggs' house and she was like trying to leave something there. And I think she left like a toothbrush or she left a hair comb. She I can't remember specifically what she left. And I think she went back to his house in his like little medicine cabinet or wherever she left this item and it was gone. And she was like, Oh, are you trying to get rid of me? Like, are you trying to make me disappear? Or do you have other people coming in this house that you didn't want to know another woman existed? And I'm not gonna lie, I feel her on that. I feel like, and also, ladies, we are more invested sometimes than men are at the point of ready to be in a relationship. Sometimes it takes some time. Sometimes, like week two, we're like, okay, we're ready to get married, you know, depending on what the situation is. But it may take them months, it may take them a while or a certain situation to be like, okay, I know what this is. Like, you know, that's a funny question. Do you feel like in your relationship you knew what point your boyfriend realized that it was you? I feel like I know mine. I'm I I would love to know if you know that. Like if you were like, okay, certain okay, so do you feel like there was a certain scenario that happened in your relationship with your boyfriend where you knew that you did something or something happened, whether it be like an event happened or something nice that you did for him, where you knew it triggered him in a way where he was like, Oh, I gotta lock this girl down. Like, this is my girl. Do you know like at what point that was? Girl, he thought that was when he met me.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Literally off the rip. Like, he always tells me that the first

Night-Only Texter Debate

SPEAKER_01 16:00

time he saw me, that first night, he said he called his best friend the next day and he was like, Yo, I found my wife. Oh, that's so sweet. And I had seen him, so I met him that one time, and then like we just didn't have contact ever again. And then I had randomly seen him another night, like in a club when I was on my way out. And I was like, Oh hey, and he lit up the nightclub. Like, I've never seen anybody go like my bottle, no, with his face, like he his energy was just so excited to see me, and like he was excited, but he looked like he seen a ghost. Like he was like, yo, like he turned to his friend, he was like, before he could even say hi to me, he turned to his friend, he was like, Look who it is. I was like, Who is it? He was looking, it was looking, it was me, and apparently he was looking for me and wanted to get in contact with me, and whatever. Long story, but I love that. Yeah, no, he said it from the beginning, and he honestly was very consistent about it. Um, and that's what I was gonna say about the scenario though. Like, don't play house. You you have to be very careful to not play house with a man because if not, you end up in that situation where you've got all your stuff there and things seem comfortable, and it's like, oh, this is fun and games, but like, I'm sorry, we too old for fun and games.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Is already this is true. See, I'm I'm a little indifferent. I feel like you gotta play house just enough. That's just me. I feel like you gotta play house a little bit just enough. And what I mean by that is because my scenario that I was gonna give is I knew similar to your situation, like I feel like my boyfriend was checking for me before I even knew who he was, right? And this dates back to like a DM that was like years before we even physically met, right? And I didn't put two and two together until we actually met. Um, but long story short, you could tell a lot about a man when he gets sick. Men, when they are sick, they act like the world is ending. They can have like a little sneeze, a common cold. They oh my god, what do I do? Like, it's the to me, it's so funny. Like, as women were like, drink some tea, like get some medicine, like figure it out. Like men are in the fetal position, okay? When they get a little fever, a little flu, it's like, what is going on? The world is coming to an end, right? So for me, I was like, okay, I was definitely in like the beginning phases. I made him like a care package, like a basket full of like

Who Plans The Dates

SPEAKER_00 18:24

care, care items, tea, cough medicine or whatever, those little, those little packets of vitamin C, what is it called? The emergencies or like the hydration, like all of the things that I knew a person would need when they get sick, on top of like, I think I brought him some soup and something. You would have thought I brought the man a million dollars, right? You would have thought it was like, oh my God. Like, and I think that it's little things like that, which is why I say you gotta play house a little bit, because sometimes, like, we are nurturers, like women naturally, like we we make a house feel like a home. We do the things we need to do. Now, I'm not saying to do everything because there's still a girlfriend package. Don't give the wife package. Give the, okay, you got you got something. Now just imagine what it could be if if the ring was attached. You know what I mean? Like, so I do think you can play house a little bit, like a little tease, but we're not need we don't need to be cooking and cleaning every single day. Like, don't give everything at one time. Um, leave a little bit to like, oh, if I got this, then what what you know what else could I get? You know what I mean? Like that that's what I mean by that.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

But I don't believe in women having to prove themselves to get engaged. Like, you gotta show me you're a wife. You gotta show me your husband. Let's start there. Cause everybody got options now. This ain't back in the day.

unknown 19:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Sure not. Sure. Okay. I have a scenario for you. Okay. So he's consistent technically. Every night he texts you like clockwork, what you're doing, checking in on you, making sure your day was good. He might even send you gifts sometimes, but during the day, he's silent. He's working, living, posting, interacting, just not with you. So you tell yourself maybe he's not a texter, but somehow he always finds time to be on social media and text you only after 9 p.m. So he is consistent, but only texts you at night. He loves you or he loves you now.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

It's giving, take me through there, take me through there. What does that mean? 9 p.m. You only know listen, what's it saying? You know what's open after 10 o'clock. The deli? No, girl. Why? They're saying, like, you know, legs, like, hello, like, you know what's open after 10 o'clock. You're like, the bodega. No, literally, I'm like, no, because the bodega be open. What do you mean? The bodega is in New York City. It is open after 10 o'clock. No, but after 9 p.m., I'm like, ugh, here's my thing. But this is this is, I think he loves what you can do at night. That's what I think it is. He loves the night, the night aspect of you. But it's like a twofold question, right? Because I also think you gotta know what man you're dealing with. Yeah. Um, you know what? Scratch that. Forget it. I'm not even gonna say

His Schedule, Your Afterthought

SPEAKER_00 21:05

the other part of the question. You do you do need to know who you're dealing with. But what I was gonna say is it depends on what your significant other or the guy that you're dating does for a living, right? Does he have a night job? Does he have a day job? Is he an entrepreneur? Does he work around the clock? Is he a doctor? Like some there's some elements that I think you should put into consideration. However, I am a firm believer of you make time for the things you want to make time for. So if I don't run across your mind in the morning in the at lunchtime, it takes two seconds to send, hey, good morning texts, hey, good afternoon, hey, did you eat? Hey, how are you feeling? Hey, how's your day? It takes it don't even take two seconds. It probably takes less than a it takes like a millisecond. I don't know. But for me, I think no line of communication all day. It's like, did I run across your mind at all? And it can't be every day. Like one one or two days, okay, cool. But like that's that's just me. What what do you think?

SPEAKER_01 21:58

I think that he loves me. And let me explain. Yeah. Okay. Because to your point, some people are just genuinely busy throughout the day. And in my opinion, if I'm that busy, I'm not gonna shoot you a text that I can't hold a conversation on after. It just doesn't make sense. I'll hit you at the end of the day when I unwind and I'm finding my peace and I and I and I reach for you, then you're my piece. Like you are a part of like the downtime and my day, and not on some like, oh, I only want to talk to you when it's convenient. But if people are busy, they're busy. And obviously, this is under the assumption the man is single, he doesn't have a secret family, he doesn't have secret kids, and he's taking you get what I'm saying? Like the obvious stuff. Let's remove the obvious stuff, right? Yeah. Assuming that none of that is in the picture and he's just genuinely busy throughout the day, and he only texts you like when he's at home at night, comfortable. I don't think that's a big deal.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

Okay, I could see that perspective too. I definitely can. But for me, better pick up, better text, pick pick up that phone. You don't. Anyways, um, okay. I have a scenario. So we did that one. This is one on dates, right? So in the beginning, this person shows initiative. They pick

Conflict Avoidance And “Protecting Peace”

SPEAKER_00 23:10

the place, they set the time, they follow through. Um, once he knew you were interested, the effort slowly transferred to you. And you were the person solely responsible for restaurant, date, time, fun, exciting things for you guys to do. You suggested all the plans and you checked all the availability, all the momentum of the dating um was on you. It fell on you. Would you say that this person loves you or they love you not because the efforts only increased when they were trying to pursue you? But once they got you in the pocket, it was done. What would you say?

SPEAKER_01 23:46

I think he can love you. However, you have to be conscious of what sort of like reeled you in and like what make what made you like that person. For example, if you like a man to take control and make plans and so on and so forth, and then all of a sudden he stops doing that. I think you gotta believe people the first time if they show you who they are, and what he basically is doing is like reeling you in, baiting you, and then once he had you where he wanted you, he got comfortable, and a lot of men do that. However, if you're crazy like me, you're gonna take the wheel anyways. So I don't know. I'm sounding like a sucker the more and more I'm like, he loves me, but but it's not like it's I'm just very understanding about things, but then when I'm not, I'm not, and I draw the line hard. But again, if if that attracted me to the man, like him planning XYZ, then I would be like, Okay, if you switched up, I don't like that. However, I don't really care about that stuff. I'd rather do the planning.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

You swipe your card, just have the money readily available. Um, I actually feel like when I first heard this scenario, I was gonna say he loves you not because um, and

Private Affection, Public Distance

SPEAKER_00 25:05

granted, everything has levels. Like, if you're first dating this person, you don't know them. Like, I think I'm thinking of this from like a relationship standpoint. Um, but I do feel like we as women need to pay attention to the representative. Like, we sometimes fall so in love with what the person's potential is versus knowing who they really are. You know if this person is a planner, like these are the questions and things that you should be asking this person, and you could tell by just their lifestyle and what they do and who they are, how organized they are. You can you know the characteristics of a planner, right? Um, so you know if somebody has the capabilities or if they're really in truly wanting to do said thing. Now, I do think that a person that doesn't plan dates does not mean that they don't love you. I feel like sometimes, like I just said about men getting sick, men are just not good at everything. We can't expect them to be good at everything, right? Um, and I think naturally their providers, we're the planners, we're the people that put the plan in place and they're the ones that make sure that that plan is being able to be executed, whether it's financially paying for it, whether it's making sure we get there, however it is that they're um putting their contribution to it. I don't think someone that doesn't plan dates doesn't love you. Um some people just don't know where to go. They don't, they might be new to a city. You you might be from Dallas and they just move from New York, they don't know where to go. You know what I mean? Like, and vice versa. So I think that um over time you find out what those persons' strengths are and you lean on that. And if you are the planning person, it's like you know how you go on a girls' trip and there's like the person that does the itinerary, everybody on that trip cannot do the itinerary because y'all will have nowhere to go. You know what I mean? Like, there's people that know what to do and are natural born organizers, and there are people who just are not, and I think that that that's okay. You gotta have you have to have both types of people. So, yeah, where you where you fall short, I come in. So

Privacy Or Secret Relationship

SPEAKER_00 27:00

I agree with that. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 27:01

Next scenario. So he has a full life and you respect it, right? His workouts are scheduled, his boys' nights are also locked in, his hobbies have structure, but when it comes to you, plans are vague, last minute, or dependent on how tired he is. He loves you or he loves you not.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Bye. Bye-bye. No, for me, it's it's not. I think he loves you not because why the boys' plans already thought out three weeks in advance, but when it comes to me, like crickets, no, like you want to be in a relationship with your boy, you're trying to be in a relationship with me. I don't like that. I feel like prior proper planning, like you knew that you're dating this person, you're pursuing this person. I just feel like, and it could be going back to what you said before, like maybe you're good, you're there for a good time, not a long time. Maybe he doesn't see you for the long haul, but I feel like if someone really wants to genuinely be with you, they are going to do the necessary things needed to be done to make sure that you feel like you come maybe not first, you know, compared to whatever he has in his life, but you come very short after that to to be in the plans of what it is that he wants to do. Like, I don't know. I just I I I'm not I'm not here for it. What about you?

SPEAKER_01 28:15

Um, hold on. I think y'all play for the same team. He's not into you, he he's into what you're into. Okay. I think wait. He's gay. Because what? What? Why are you scheduling so much around other men?

Final Reminders For Valentine’s Week

SPEAKER_01 28:30

And listen, there's nothing wrong with that. That's fine, but don't use me as a beard. Go do your thing. I feel like you said that one with your chest. Yeah, because I don't like men that do that. Not that I've ever experienced that, but I just don't like like, don't if you you want to play for the the same team as me, you know, that's fine, but don't use me as a beard.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

As bait, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

Yeah, please.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Please. Beware, ladies. Beware, they're out there. Beware. Yeah, I don't like that one. Okay, I got one for you. Um, this is a person you're dating or in a relationship with, and when things are good, he is present, loving, their all the things, right? But when conflict comes up, he goes quiet. He says he needs space, he doesn't want drama, he's protecting his peace. Meanwhile, issues stay unresolved. So there's beef between y'all consistently because you guys were not able to talk about it, and you're left carrying the emotional weight alone. Do you feel like someone who is not able to talk about the conflict? And they often often, often disguise it as I'm protecting my peace. He loves you or he loves you not.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

If a man ever tells you he's protecting his peace, call him sis and walk out that door. Okay. Don't ever tell me you're protecting me. Run. Nothing drives me crazier than men who try to use our lingo. Leave the lip gloss for me. Leave it for me. Okay. Um, he loves me not. No way. Because there's no way you can even grow and like build a relationship with somebody at this grown age without dealing with conflict. Because that's just what life is gonna throw at you. It's gonna throw conflict at you guys individually, it's gonna throw conflict at you guys as a unit and a relationship. And if you can't figure out conflict in your household, you cannot figure out conflict externally.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

This is true. He loves me. And also beware of beware of conflict when it arises, and you obviously always having to be the person to address it. Beware of that. Like if you're always the person that's having to address the elephant in the room and like make the situation come to life for you guys to talk about it, beware of that. Because men know when there's tension, they know, like, all right, let's figure this out. Obviously, you're upset, you're walking around huffing and puffing, you're mad, you're not like talking about your feelings, let's get down to it. But if a man is not saying that, he's saying a lot. Like when he's quiet, it's loud. You know what I mean? So I think that we should definitely take those as lessons and learn from them. But I agree. I think that saying that you're protecting your peace is so gaslighting and it's very um, it's a it's to me, it is a characteristic of a narcissistic man. I feel like been there, done that. Like, I like what why is your peace overriding my like my emotional stability? Why do you have to be in peace, but I have to be in distress? Like, that is a red flag. Like, why why we can't both be peaceful? Like, why can't we figure out how to fix it? So, yeah, like Crystal said, chuck the deuces and be out. Run, don't walk, don't look back. Like, you're making the best decision in your life. If a person is ever telling you that they're protecting your peace at the expense of you being able to have emotional stability as a woman, please, sis. Trust me, I'd rather be happy and single than to be. You know what I'm saying? Like having the weight on my shoulder of a man not being able to like address the heat that's in the room. Like, no.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

A thousand percent.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

Okay, next scenario. So behind closed doors, he's warm, attentive, affectionate. Outside, he pulls back less touch, less closeness, less acknowledgement, and you start wondering if you imagined the intimacy or if it only exists when no one is watching. He loves me or he loves me not.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Okay, so wait, is this question he's in affectionate in private, but in public, okay. Yeah, no. Well, wait a minute. Some people are just not PDA kind of people. And I've learned that. Like, there's some women and some men don't love public display of affection, and they feel like it's reserved from when they're at home. And I think if you like it, I love it. Like, if that's you, like if you're a person and your significant other also both don't enjoy PDA, and you guys are like out in the streets, y'all are homeboy, homegirl, like y'all are cool friends, and that's the vibe y'all like, but in closed doors, you guys are like all over each other. That's I think it's it's to a person's discretion. Like, I feel like if that's just who you are, some people just don't. I know, like I have friends, they just don't like when men touch them, like for whatever reason, or maybe they have trauma or things that have transpired where they're just like some things just don't like make them feel, you know what I'm saying? Like loved as a woman or as a man. And I feel like you have to know your partner and who you're dealing with. And some things are just also not up for other people's debate, if that makes sense. So I just feel like if I'm not gonna lie, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

I think this is definitely one of those topics, like to each his own. I think if I had to vote between the two, I would say he loves me because yeah, not everybody likes to display affection with their partner publicly. Like, literally, one of my best friends has been with her man since they were in middle school and they got married, they have a kid together. And I I can tell you, I probably seen them kiss once. And we are in our 30s now, and they have been together since middle school.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

They definitely love each other. Okay, absolutely, absolutely and some of y'all in public be doing too much. Some of y'all in public, y'all need to go home. Like, I've seen things in public in the daylight. I mean 10 o'clock in the morning, where I'm just like, Really? There's kids in the house. You know, like act like an adult. Act like act like you've seen this person before. Like, you'd think like the man came from home from service or something. I don't know. It's just too much. Like, I'm just like, not came home from service. Maybe even doing a bid or something.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Okay, he says he values privacy, doesn't like people in his business, and you respect that until you realize the privacy is one-sided. You know, his life, his people, his routines, but the outside world doesn't know you exist. So he hides your relationship under the label of privacy. What do you think? He loves me, he loves me not.

SPEAKER_00 35:02

I feel like you shouldn't be private, but the relationship elements can be private to people who don't need to know. So I um I'm all about keeping things that you don't want other people to have an opinion on to you guys, like to yourselves. Like if you feel like you cherish something in your relationship, you cherish a relationship and you don't want to put it on social media for full display, that's on you. But I don't think you should be a secret. Like I feel like you're his boy should know who you are. When he's like, I'm with my lady and with my wife, I'm with my girlfriend, and with my, you know, like whoever you are to this person or and vice versa, like they should know you exist. Like they shouldn't think that this person is just out here and is not in a relationship or in anything serious if that is what it is. Like, I don't believe in that. He loves you not if no one knows about y'all but y'all to me. I agree.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

A thousand percent. And you know, some people are very conscious of like not putting people in their relationship business because they've already had bad experiences doing that. Like, you just never know. I don't think that somebody being private with their relationship means that they're hiding their relationship. That's very different things, but yes, people should know. I'm in a relationship, you don't need to know what goes down in it, but you need to know I'm in one.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

That part taken. That part, yes. I want us to just be very smart about our love. I feel like um back in the day, people really did have like, by the way, because you know how people say like they wear their heart on their sleeves as we're speaking about Valentine's Day. That was really a thing back in the day. Like people, when they were ready to love or you know, whatever relationship status, they really had hearts on their sleeves. So I think that we should make sure that we're protecting the thing that we know um is something we give so effortlessly, some of us. And if it's something that you don't want someone to break or to mishandle or to mistreat, that you handle it with care. Like you make sure you put you first, and that whenever you're getting in a situation when you want to be in a relationship or to put yourself out there to date, that you

Closing CTA And Galentine’s

SPEAKER_00 37:10

make sure you got your head on a swivel at all times and you protect your heart, okay, at all times. So I want to make sure, make sure my girls are good. What about you? Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

As we as we go into Valentine's Day weekend, yeah, believe them the first time, y'all. Believe them the first time. Read the situation and the scenario for what it is, not for what you want it to be, and have fun. Yeah. That's cute. Do your own makeup.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Yes, and go to restaurants so the food is good and the MBS. Don't have to be all that, but it could be cute. It could be cute. And also make sure you celebrate Galantine's Day with your girls all the time. Yes. Make sure you guys celebrate Galentine's Day. Um, we hope you guys enjoyed this episode of Elevators Podcast. If you liked it, if it touched you, if it reminded you of somebody in any way, make sure that you like, comment, subscribe, and actually share the episode. And we'll see you guys next time. Bye y'all.